Day 1340 lots of reflection as a turkey jumps the duck row 🦆🦆🦆🦆🦃🦆🦆🦆

I got the bed last night while poor sick boy was on the couch.

I woke for a full half hour about 3.30am…. Not sure why but then was dead to the world when the alarm went off.

The rain has finally stopped but I drove through a huge flood on the way to work. It was super foggy this morning too and SO dark!

So you know how was implying that all my ducks were in a row and it feels really good?! First thing this morning a Turkey 🦃 stepped right into the row of ducks.

🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦃

I found out we had a wrong part for a van that we’re due to finish before Christmas. A big part….. that moment where you start to do all the possible checks and find out what went wrong….. the dawning realisation that it was pretty much all me. All my fault.

I call the supplier, do my best to beg and get them to commit to helping me fix it. Then the tsunami hits.

Well there you go again… the minute you think you’ve got your shit together and then slap, (my favourite Blackadder reference), “Percy the devil farts in your face once again”. How can you order the wrong thing? Why would you do that? How did you miss the message to say the “wrong thing” was leaving? How the hell did you miss the invoice where you paid for the wrong thing? Do you actually even try to do your job? The fundamental part of it is making sure you order the right thing…. You’re just shit at what you do.

Seriously….. all of that, and then some, while the tears flow.

I felt SO bad. I hate letting everyone down. I hate making mistakes. I have so many coping mechanisms to make sure I don’t make mistakes and yet I still do.

I had already said, just wait till the last week of the year and I’ll drop some clanger and be the reason we can’t make a big sale.

Eh voila.

Handed to me on a plate.

Exactly the one thing I didn’t want but knew would happen.

I manifested it all.

So, Ellison, with the very wise words, brought me back down to earth… Everybody makes mistakes. Everybody. Including me.

I feel very icky about that.

I make mistakes. I’ve made lots of them. And I will make a lot more.

How do I let myself believe that that is ok?!

Believe in yourself.

I’m a lot better at it but I’ve still a long way to go.

I’m shattered with the drama that I create about it all.

Anyway…. Moving on….

Craig had made a lovely lasagne for dinner so I’ve had that and sat down on the couch to watch a cheesy Christmas romance and chill…. While writing this obviously. The wheelie bin is out.. I’m quite proud of that 😂😂 and I’ve got some housework to do.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️