Day 1300 how did we get here already?!?

1300 days eh?? Who’d a thunk it?!

Since the end of March 2020 I’ve written an almost daily blog. I know I’ve missed a few but I never would have thought this would become such a big thing for me.

Writing helps me make sense of my day to day moods and thoughts. If it helps any one of you at the same time then it makes it even more worthwhile.

For some reason I feel compelled to talk about my life. I have no idea why but I will keep going for as long as it feels right.

So let’s start with a wee stat catch up… love me a good stat!

• 1,760 days without alcohol (look at how much money I have apparently saved?!?!)
• 1,171 days without antidepressants
• 367 days on HRT
• 313 days fasting

It’s amazing how the days add up.

No longer self medicating with alcohol is the best gift I have ever given myself.

I know that so many of you will not understand this. I’m not sure I ever really understood a non drinker when I actually drank.

Sadly alcohol is still the only socially acceptable drug where people will try to force you to take it.

“go on just have a drink”

It’s only socially acceptable when your drunken actions are considered cool or funny. The minute you overstep any of the unwritten rules, big drinkers will drop their own like a hot potato.

Sadly today saw the death of Matthew Perry, Chandler, of Friends fame.

He struggled with addiction. In recent years he’s said that he can’t watch himself on Friends without seeing the time when he was on opiates, struggling with alcohol or high on cocaine. He wrote this…

I would like to think that we remember his legacy of trying to help others with addiction, while struggling with his own.

I never thought I was addicted and certainly was nowhere near, what we would consider, an alcoholic. I hated the person that alcohol made me become. I hated the things I did. It was not good for me.

I was an extroverted extrovert. Who knew that stopping drinking would reveal that I’m actually pretty introverted. I am still an extrovert with the right people and the right chat…. But most of the time I am happy in a quiet room with my words.

I have changed SO much. I am no longer motivated by possessions.

If I’m honest I think I spent most of my life being what I thought I was meant to be. So let’s think that through slowly… I didn’t have the self worth that being me, was enough.

I wanted whatever YOU wanted, I listened to the music that YOU listened to. I bought the things that YOU bought. I had no likes and dislikes of my own. I’ve realised I have very simple tastes but I was embarrassed by that.

I also NEVER wanted the big job. I left school and went to Uni because all my friends did. I picked Business Studies because I never had a “thing” or a passion for anything.

I guess I do regret some of my life decisions but I am so grateful that I got to see the true meaning of life, in my lifetime.

Taking each day as it comes… appreciating the beauty in every moment of every day.

Being kind to others as often as possible.

I try not to think badly of people…. If I do, I at least try to realise why they are acting as they do. I refuse to believe that anyone upsets or hurts anyone deliberately. I try not to judge others. We all have our own hardships and lives to live.

Through judging, we separate. Through understanding, we grow.

I always try to see things from other people’s point of view.

Anyway, I’ve done lots of clearing out today again. I’ve chucked out another 3 bags of rubbish or things for charity.

I also met Gayle at Mocha JaKs for a long awaited catch up. We had a lovely cake and coffee/tea and talked the hind legs off a donkey. 2 hours of non stop chat! It was great to meet up.

And finally, thanks to everyone who reads this! Friends, family and friends that I have never even met. Thanks for all of your comments and kind words and thanks to those silent readers too. Occasionally I realise that you are there.!

To be fair I’d keep writing this to an empty house but the comments keep me spurned on. You help me on the bad days and you celebrate the good day.s (oooh that brought a wee tear!) thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️