It’s the 10th October which means it’s World Mental Health Day.

Is also already 8pm and I wish I’d prepared more for today, given the original reason for the Rambling Sloth.

These World Day’s do raise awareness but my experience is that it hasn’t really changed anything. Mental Health, in my humble opinion, is still dreadfully misunderstood and underrated.

If I cast my mind back to World Mental Health Day 2018….. I had been off sick from my senior management role for about 5 weeks. I’d been crumbling for a very long time. World Mental Health Day 2018 passed by without any big bang. Nothing. I was hanging by a thread and my work were doing a whole week of promotion about mental health. Everyone’s desktop had been changed to advertise it. I was in the house a broken wreck. It was still classed as an embarrassment. Shame. She couldn’t cope. Fell apart. People didn’t contact me or know what to say to me. That’s not fair, some did but what I meant is that it needs to be more than just a DAY and just a box ticking exercise. Businesses need to take this seriously. I took this selfie to remember one day, how badly I felt. My eyes are dead. I was so very sad, I could barely remember to clean my teeth.

There is a very good chance that what happened to me could have been due to peri-menopause. I will never truly know that.

It is what it is and I don’t have any anger left about it. I now see that I was very lucky to have experienced anxiety and depression as it’s shown me a new meaning to life. I have highs and lows but I genuinely appreciate life in the present moment. That’s huge given that I used to live my life in fear. No more.

When you are at your lowest ebb, your mind can play tricks on you. You feel so bad that you think life is pointless. You feel like you are a burden as you are sick of the thoughts inside your head. Despite wonderful family and friends, you feel like you have nowhere to turn. You can’t possibly tell them how bad you feel every time they ask. You begin to think the world would be better off without you in it. I felt like that in this photo.

You would never know. I took this photo so I could remind myself how I felt. I can actually feel a few tears welling up at the thought.

This is hard for me to revisit but I want every one to see these. (I’ve maybe shared this before) There is no obvious sign that anything is wrong. You have no idea how bad someone close to you may feel. People hide it very well. I couldn’t tell anyone for some time after as I realised how dreadful and dramatic and OTT it sounded but it’s genuinely how I felt. We took this photo an hour after. Even I think I look lovely but inside I was very depressed. I couldn’t imagine a future.

So please be kind to everyone you meet. You never know what they may be struggling with.

If you feel low just now, know that it will get better, life will improve, even if it feels hopeless right now. You have to fight for yourself. You have to find money to pay for any treatment you can get. I’ve had counselling, Health Kinesiology and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I’ve spent thousands of pounds that we didn’t really have but I needed to. I’ve met some amazing people along the way. These people become your people.

Fight for yourself. Never give up fighting. You deserve to feel better. And you will. just take each day at a time and know that tomorrow is a new day.

Anyway, I’m rambling now, as usual.

Hope some of that makes sense.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️