I have no idea where today wentā¦ itās been an absolute whirlwind of a day! I woke at 4.17am but did get back to sleep for a change.
Work just flew by. We had lots of customers in which kept me really busy. I donāt think I looked at my to do list once but it was a good day.
I think Iāve said before that Iām one of the admin on a FB group called After Dry January? One of the guys in the group had hired a Tartan Campervan and I got to meet him today.
It was lovely to put a face to the name and get a right good hug from someone whoās been there from the start of After Dry January in February 2019.
I made soup in the slow cooker overnight. I stirred it at 4.19am!!
I took some into work today and was able to take Ellison lunch in for a change. She has brought soup in for lunch so many times and itās SO good! Mine was actually really nice.. not as good as the last batch but Iād used broth mix inside of lentils this time. Back to lentils next time.
When I got home I took some photos of the crochet poppies in the Village Hall.
Itās hard to get photos without the reflection.
I threw together a quick salad for dinner and headed over to the earlier Kinisi-flow class at 5.15pm. I took photos inside the hall.
Arenāt they beautiful! ā„ļøš
Iād like to say that our crochet group did all of these but actually it was really only Jane! She was very good at them. The rest of us just spurred her on and Anne came up with the concept of attaching them to the wreath. Itās a a lovely tribute. ā„ļøšā„ļøš
The Kinisi-flow class was amazing! I was able to do almost every move for once and I really felt the flow. I got a lovely Pukka tea bag at the endā¦ called JOY. I came home and made the tea in my favourite mug.
Oh and happy Halloweenā¦ you can tell itās not a big thing in our houseā¦. But I like the emojis! šš»šš»š
I didnāt get a chance to say yesterday, but, for those of us in the UK, whoās clocks went back an hour yesterday, was it not just THE longest day ever?!? That was very poor grammar but you get the gistā¦. It was such a long day, in a good way. It just never stopped ! Craig was ready to head to bed at 7.30pm before he realised!! Itās amazing how one extra hour can make such a difference.
It was a lovely day today. Cold, but the sun shone for most of the day. Ellison and I decided to sit outside for lunch!!
Check us!
I was cold but itās so lovely to get fresh air at lunchtime and to get away from my desk.
Iāve been a strange mix of in control and spirally anxious today. Ali, at work, did a really good job of talking me down as soon as my anxiety kicked off. I recognised it was happening and managed to see the true picture, if that makes sense. Adding something new into my job totally panicked me, he explained how it would work and straight away I realised I was only anxious of the unknown and once I work through itā¦ it will soon be the normal day to day.
I quickly catch thoughts that donāt serve me. Itās ok that a part of me feels this way. I joyfully release the thoughts and embrace the positive.
Iām still saying this every morning and today has been a prime example of that happening.
Since Iāve come home work Iāve made dinner, been to Tesco for a food shop AND made soup!!
I never go to the supermarket in the evening and yet it only took me an hour and I actually enjoyed it. I love it when I forcefully break one of my self imposed rules, and it actually works out being a great idea. š
So thatās all for now folksā¦ awright Bugs Bunny?!
Since the end of March 2020 Iāve written an almost daily blog. I know Iāve missed a few but I never would have thought this would become such a big thing for me.
Writing helps me make sense of my day to day moods and thoughts. If it helps any one of you at the same time then it makes it even more worthwhile.
For some reason I feel compelled to talk about my life. I have no idea why but I will keep going for as long as it feels right.
So letās start with a wee stat catch upā¦ love me a good stat!
1,760 days without alcohol (look at how much money I have apparently saved?!?!)
1,171 days without antidepressants
367 days on HRT
313 days fasting
Itās amazing how the days add up.
No longer self medicating with alcohol is the best gift I have ever given myself.
I know that so many of you will not understand this. Iām not sure I ever really understood a non drinker when I actually drank.
Sadly alcohol is still the only socially acceptable drug where people will try to force you to take it.
āgo on just have a drinkā
Itās only socially acceptable when your drunken actions are considered cool or funny. The minute you overstep any of the unwritten rules, big drinkers will drop their own like a hot potato.
Sadly today saw the death of Matthew Perry, Chandler, of Friends fame.
He struggled with addiction. In recent years heās said that he canāt watch himself on Friends without seeing the time when he was on opiates, struggling with alcohol or high on cocaine. He wrote thisā¦
I would like to think that we remember his legacy of trying to help others with addiction, while struggling with his own.
I never thought I was addicted and certainly was nowhere near, what we would consider, an alcoholic. I hated the person that alcohol made me become. I hated the things I did. It was not good for me.
I was an extroverted extrovert. Who knew that stopping drinking would reveal that Iām actually pretty introverted. I am still an extrovert with the right people and the right chatā¦. But most of the time I am happy in a quiet room with my words.
I have changed SO much. I am no longer motivated by possessions.
If Iām honest I think I spent most of my life being what I thought I was meant to be. So letās think that through slowlyā¦ I didnāt have the self worth that being me, was enough.
I wanted whatever YOU wanted, I listened to the music that YOU listened to. I bought the things that YOU bought. I had no likes and dislikes of my own. Iāve realised I have very simple tastes but I was embarrassed by that.
I also NEVER wanted the big job. I left school and went to Uni because all my friends did. I picked Business Studies because I never had a āthingā or a passion for anything.
I guess I do regret some of my life decisions but I am so grateful that I got to see the true meaning of life, in my lifetime.
Taking each day as it comesā¦ appreciating the beauty in every moment of every day.
Being kind to others as often as possible.
I try not to think badly of peopleā¦. If I do, I at least try to realise why they are acting as they do. I refuse to believe that anyone upsets or hurts anyone deliberately. I try not to judge others. We all have our own hardships and lives to live.
Through judging, we separate. Through understanding, we grow.
I always try to see things from other peopleās point of view.
Anyway, Iāve done lots of clearing out today again. Iāve chucked out another 3 bags of rubbish or things for charity.
I also met Gayle at Mocha JaKs for a long awaited catch up. We had a lovely cake and coffee/tea and talked the hind legs off a donkey. 2 hours of non stop chat! It was great to meet up.
And finally, thanks to everyone who reads this! Friends, family and friends that I have never even met. Thanks for all of your comments and kind words and thanks to those silent readers too. Occasionally I realise that you are there.!
To be fair Iād keep writing this to an empty house but the comments keep me spurned on. You help me on the bad days and you celebrate the good day.s (oooh that brought a wee tear!) thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Itās a beautiful morning. The Scottish Dog Behaviouristās alarm went off at 6am š³ so Iām wide awake. As soon as it gets light Iām away off up the hill with Bhruic and Freya.
Itās not warmā¦. That or Iām just a bit underdressed.
The sky is beautiful and there are some really strange clouds that I take a million photos of.
As cloudy as it is, they havenāt come to anything and itās been beautiful sunshine all morning.
Just a girl leaning on a gate while the dogs run.
Itās very autumnal today.
I mean does that cloud not look like itās taking over the world?!?
It reminds me of the movie The Fogā¦. š³
Back home to put on WAY warmer clothes and Iām off to Lochwinnoch with Calaidh, while Craig is at work. He dropped us off and will pick us back up again.
We have had a lovely walk in the woods! Weāve said hello to so many lovely people and met Border Collies called Angus and Breagha.
I could have stayed home and done all the housework. Iām so glad that I thought to do this.
Iām sitting here on a throne and this is my current view!
I had my headband, buff and gloves onā¦. But the end of the walk I am very toasty and itās all off!
These may have been ice houses where food was stored and kept cold, on the Castle Semple estate.
Craig gave me directions to the Collegiate Church ruin.
There are graves inside it.
We then found ourselves in the rhododendron maze!
Thankfully we got outā¦ there was a point where I was secretly hoping the path would lead us out! š
Just look at these colours. Wow.
Itās lovely to see Calaidh doing so much exploring. Itās good for her to get such a good walk. I should do this more often.
Isnāt nature just stunning.
I was in my element just walking around taking photos and Calaidh was loving it. Iām so glad I went.
We used to walk the dogs here all the time when we first moved in, and Iāve not been back in years.
Craig picked me up at 12 and we headed to Gro Coffee for lunch. My favourite!
Craig had Stornoway black pudding with chorizo and 2 poached eggs with siracha mayo. Itās was amazing.
Mine not so much. I had the Katsu curry and sadly the sauce was as gelatinous as it looks.
Itās the first time Iāve ever eaten in Gro and itās not been out of this world with spectacular flavours. Iād fasted for 20 hours and Iād hoped for something super tasty. I took photos of the cakes but we didnāt bring any home.
They really are as big as they look!!
So itās 4.15pm, the sun has gone and Iām shattered! Iām super stiff from all the walking. I feel about 102 when I get up from a seat.
Iāve got my feet up on the couch now and that might be me for the evening.
Iām on the train heading into our big smoke, Glasgow. Iām off to meet Mumās cousin, Joyce, for lunch. Something weāve talked about doing so often but actually never quite get around to planningā¦ yet here we are! Sheās waiting for her train in Edinburgh and Iām almost in Glasgow so I can walk from Central Station to Queen Street Station and meet her.
I didnāt get to bed until 11pm last night after the Beith Young Farmers concert. Louise next door was amazing in it. She did so well, I donāt know where the years have gone but sheās grown up into such a lovely girl and itās amazing to watch her up there.
I was awake at 6amā¦ as usual and heading out with Calaidh, Bhruic and Freya before it even got light. (Sorry, Evelyn!). I did have my hi vis vest on and a head torch though so I was very visible. It got light pretty quickly as I walked. I forgot to pick up my phone but the sunrise was lovely and red.
I dropped them home and got Khaleesi and the phone and headed back out again.
We met Rachel two doors down, with Nacho, so once again it was great to have company on the dog walk.
Khaleesi is still fascinated by the cows! This big bull was staring at her too but the moment had passed by the time I got my phone out!
Showered and off to catch the 10.12 train to Glasgow Central.
Glengarnock Station was looking really quiet this morning on the Glasgow bound side.
I loved the colours on this mild autumn morning.
š Iāll take a photo of anything!
My trip with Helen from Exmouth into Exter made me appreciate the beauty of our journey into Glasgow. The colours are amazing this morning, Iām sure itās going to rain at some point.
It was much colder in Glasgow than I was back home, yet itās only half and hour away. I wish Iād worn a proper coat instead of my denim jacket. I also took a cosy black dress off as I thought Iād be too hot. Nope, freezing! š
Iām early to meet Joyce so took a wander around to take some photos of Glasgowā¦ of course I did!
This is Central Station.
This is the Citizen where we are going for lunch.
I have to say that it strikes me that Glasgow is pretty quiet traffic wise but thatās the first time Iāve been in since the Low Emission Zone came into force. Itās definitely easier to cross the roads!
This is George Square. The heart of Glasgow city. Itās pedestrianised at two sides now, such a difference. It seems more European if thatās possible.
Hereās our famous Duke of Wellington statue with its traffic cone! A symbol of the humour of Glasgow. Every time they take it down, someone else puts it back up so I think itās finally here to stay! (Shame about the scaffolding!)
Maybe as Iām more keen to travel and appreciate the present moment, I am much more aware of my actual surroundings. I used to fly through here and barely look up.
The city was the draw for everything when we were younger. Every night out, every celebration. I feel like itās moved on and left me behind and now I can look at it as a tourist which is really quite nice.
In the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. š„°
I love this. Iām standing in Queen Street Station waiting on Joyce writing all this.
Thereās a guy playing the customer piano in the station and heās great! Iām nearly in tears with the emotion and memories that his music stirs upā¦. Anyway gotta go waltzing over to meet Joyce while he blasts Abbaās Mama Mia!
We have had such a lovely time! Itās been great to catch up and have such a good chat.
The Citizen is beautiful inside.
Even the toilets are lovely! (Uh huhā¦. I took photos inside the toilets š»)
The food was so good. We had drunken prawns with bread and olives to start followed by Grilled Halloumi Salad for mains. Iād love to know how they made that as it was so tasty.
It doesnāt look it in this picture but it was huge. There was a lot going on underneath the halloumi!
Lots of chat later and a quick wander around the shops and Iām back in Central Station ready for the 4.15 home.
Iāve done 15.5K steps so far and my legs and bunion joint are really sore. I need to do something about that. I donāt know why Iām so stiff. It does all seem to be muscular. Joyce did ask me today if I needed new knees?!?! š³ I seriously hope I just need to loosen up the ones that I have šš
I went in to work early today as itās financial year end and I need to have all invoices reconciled by Tuesday. Was in for about 7.20 and didnāt get away until 4.20pmā¦. Did I get my reconciliation finished?!? Eh, naw! of course I didnāt.
I have to say, the old me would have stayed until yon time tonight to get it all finished. The new me might still do that on Monday night but I have two days to get it finished.
I love doing the reconciliation but I put EVERYTHING else before it todayā¦ then got really antsy that I couldnāt get to it.
I quickly catch thoughts that donāt serve me. Itās ok that a part of me feels this way. I joyfully release the thoughts and embrace the positive.
Anyway, Iāll get it doneā¦ because I have to. š
I have been ravenous for food today. My fasting really tested me todayā¦. Iād drank a lot more water than usual and none of it was ever enough. I caved 15 minutes before lunch and then I was sooooo lucky as Ellison brought soup and a buttered roll, for lunch, again. I loved it!! I was still trying to get my hands on as much food for the rest of the day. Funny how some days are like that.
Check the colour of the sky when I left work tonight. It was SO dark!! It hasnāt rained yet but it really looked like it was going to.
Iāve been listening to an amazing podcast that Angela, my Health Kinesiologist, recommended. Iāll post a link to it. Itās called Diary of a CEO (which is not a pleasant thought for me as itās a kick back to the old world) but, Steven Bartlett talks to Dr Tara Swart about how stress is contagious and can cause belly fat!! I could listen to Dr Tara Swart for hours as she has a lovely voice with clear explanations.
Itās really eye opening and shows how much we need human contact and how we sync in with each other. Iām fascinated by it. Itās a long one but well worth a listen.
So nothing much else to report. Still feeling a bit meh with no real words of wisdom. I think everyone is feeling the change of season as the nights start to draw in.
Oh I did order some lovely new bedding as a wee treat.
I usually spend Ā£20 on our duvet covers as we have soooo many dogs, itās impossible to keep anything goodā¦. But these are GOOD ONESā¦ as my Nana would say. Such a difference to sleep in a quality duvet. I also got a new actual duvet at the same time as ours was a good few years old. It was in desperate need of replacement!!
So Iām off to Largs tonight to see Beith Young Farmers Show. Louise next door is in it. I need to get up off the couch and get moving shortly!
A day that starts off with THE bat š¦ signal isnāt usually going to be a good oneā¦ but when youāre driving to work and witness a wee one for real, it is really pretty cool.
A bat flew out of a hedge in the early morning light (just looked like a bird) and in my headlight showed an almost perfect bat signal. It was a very precious moment where you realise how beautiful nature can really be.
You can tell someone is feeling a bit brighter, waxing lyrical about random things like that. šš
Kinesiology was really good last night. Angela said thatās itās good to approach a session when not in crisis mode. It allows you to tackle some genuine issues before they hit that fight or flight mode.
I have homework as wellā¦ an affirmation, which I thought was a good one.
I quickly catch thoughts that donāt serve me. Itās ok that a part of me feels this way. I joyfully release the thoughts and embrace the positive.
I do need to get my head around it being ok to feel a bit low some daysā¦.. These feelings are still very valid.
My friend Isy sent me this yesterday, which summed up exactly how I was feeling.
Today has been different altogether. Iāve been clear headed and focussed. Iāve not been anxious or paranoid.
We had a great Tartan management meeting today and I love a good meeting, a good communication session, a good discussion on the future. Canāt beat it!
Itās been a really good day.
Did I mention I bloody love driving a beetle. What a difference a car makes.
Hmmm I donāt have much to say todayā¦. Yeah I knowā¦. Doesnāt happen that often.
I had a very productive morning and cleaned out drawers of clothes BEFORE I went to work. I washed up last nights dinner dishes too. I was on a rollā¦
I love this.
I had another great sleep but Iām tired today. I couldnāt think as clearly as I have been. I was a bit more fuzzy headed.
I have Kinesiology tonight at 7.30pm and for once I donāt have some big burning issue to discuss. Iām sure Iāll come up with something once we start talkingā¦. Hmmm maybe a bit of a meh day I guess.
Iām fine just no words of wisdom, no drama, no stress, no anxieties! As I write that I maybe think today sounds like a pretty good day!
I think Iāll share some photos that I havenāt shared for a while.
I left my work phone at home today. I spent 15 minutes wandering around work thinking that should be able to manage without itā¦ I message Craig to see if heād be near Tartan HQ todayā¦ nope. Then realised that I canāt even log on to the Xero accounting system so would be as well driving home to get it.
It was a beautiful morning. It was freezing cold and Bertie Beetle was very frosty.
The sky was absolutely stunning on the way to workā¦. I only have a photo when I leftā¦.
And when I arrivedā¦
But the colours I saw in between were just something else. It was bright red at one point. I just wanted to stop and take lots of photos along the way. It was a stunning start to the day.
So it wasnāt the end of the world to drive home and back again all before 9am. I called ahead and had Craig get the phone ready and a black coffee in a takeaway cup!!
So another laugh today was my new fleecy leggingsā¦. I put them out without seeing a dog this morningā¦ zero hair until I had to come back for my work phone of course!
They are a bit thicker than the ones I had last year so I want sure if it was cold enoughā¦ when I saw the frost I deduced that it was.
After my homemade soup for lunch I was ROASTING!!!!
This is not the best photo but I had bright red cheeks all afternoon until I finally took my long sleeved T-shirt off from under my T-shirt.
I sat outside for a bit after my soup as I clearly thought it was warm enough. Anything to try and calm the heat down in my face šš so I can highly recommend the leggings but I might have to wait a few weeks to really appreciate their warmth. To be fair it turned into a lovely sunny day.
After work I took another 3 bags to the charity shop and this time really struggled to leave some of the stuff. Iām at the point now where Iām giving away things that really do mean something to me but I just donāt have the space for anymore.
My sloth cushion was up for sale before I even left the shopā¦ I wanted to buy it back!!
Here it is in Abbie the Campervan when I first got it convertedā¦.
Itās a lovely cushion but I just donāt have space for it in my life anymore. I was sad to let it go though.
Anyway thatās my day today. Sitting in front of the wood burning stove in our newly cleaned sunroom.
The kitchen and sunroom feel so good since theyāve been blitzed. I walk into the room and can breathe. I know that sounds daft but I say it like it is.
Another great nightsā sleepā¦ slightly more restless but thatās down the beached whale Indian food bellyā¦. But stillā¦ I woke early and went back to sleep until after 8am. Thatās late for us!!
I did my usual Sunday morning positive FB trawl. Itās so good when you get your social media feed set up exactly as you want it. I only get positivity from it.
I love this next one.
Itās cold but a beautifully sunny dayā¦ itās definitely the calm after the storm. There wasnāt a breath of wind today.
We randomly started āspringā cleaning the whole of the kitchen. Every cupboard was blitzed. Simple things but I love it. I love a good clear out.
4 big bags to go out (just from the kitchen) and a sneaky tub of one cal spray has been in this kitchen since 2020!!!
All the cupboards have been cleaned inside too. Weāve moved things around. a change is as good as a rest!
That took us until lunchtime. I only fasted for 15 hours today, but that is ok.
Quick shout out to my friend Tracey in Canada who is waking up on day 4 of a 4 day fast!!!! Wow!! I would love to do this at some point.
After lunchā¦ Ellisonās recipe home made soupā¦. (Yum) I started putting away washing and hoovered the house. Iāve done nothing this week as I felt so rotten so it was good to feel better and tidy up.
I then went outside and poop scooped and dead headed the beautiful hydrangea!
They are all gone now!!
We sat outside for a few minutes as it was really lovely in the sun. It was soon really cold the minute the sun went behind the clouds.
Iāve had a really good day. I havenāt needed a sleep either!
Iāll leave you with our gangly Khaleesi whoās making herself at home!
Oh Iāve also booked to go back down to Devon to stay with Helen at the end of February, start of March. Amazing whatās possible when my head is clear.
Itās been a rough week but, so many people Iāve spoken to, have said itās been a difficult week. The change in temperature, the darker nights, the worsening weatherā¦ we need to be kinder to ourselves and allow ourselves to rest when we need it the most.
I certainly have this week. So onwards and upwards with a fresh head and letās see what this week brings.
Gone are the days where Iād have opened a bottle of red on a Sunday and forgotten that I have to get up super early the next day. Iād have been DREADING work. I canāt stress that enough, I hated my job at the timeā¦ and thatās a strong word.
Now I just sit here with it all and allow myself to feel what I feel. Thereās no dread AT ALLā¦.. Fresh head on a Monday is always a blessing. I am so grateful for all of that.
I slept all night again. Iām so grateful again for the fantastic sleep. I wake up with relief that I slept all night.
Up early and out with Bhru and Calaidh before 8.30am.
Freya has developed a limp since our walk yesterday. Checked her paws and no sign of anything but itās quite a prominent limp. She may see the love that Khaleesi gets because of her limp and wants some of that?! šš Itās a lot colder than it looked this morningā¦ I didnāt quite wrap up warmly enoughā¦ but the wind has died right down.
The sun is trying so hard to come through.
Back home, shower and hair dry for the first time in way too many days!
Off down to the little gift shop to pick up a last minute retirement gift then off to meet Shelagh, my previous Health Kinesiology Practitioner, now my friend!
Shelagh has just announced her retirement!!
We had a lovely walk down by Kilbirnie Loch on the new Lochshore path. The clouds were trying hard to clear.
Sheladh spotted these birds on the fence posts. One looks like a bat!
Loved this wee fishing tent.
We went into the Lochshore cafe and had a lovely bowl of Yellow Split Pea soup.
Itās always lovely for me to spend time with Shelagh. She had a lovely energy about her. Iāll miss her kinesiology sessions and still remember my last one so clearly. She has a very special talent and I will never forget how much she helped my on my journey with mental health. I was so lucky to be given a link to her FB page in the very elderly days and her introduction video spoke directly to me. I knew I needed her help.
I attended Kinesiology sessions with her for 3 and a half years.
The end of an era but the continuation of a connection that we made at the time. Now itās time for me to learn about her! š
I was home before 1pm and itās now 5ā¦. I kid you notā¦. I have been sleeping all afternoon. An hour on the couchā¦ then up to bed. Not even reading, just sleeping.
Been out for the count. I donāt even feel like I have the cold anymore so the tiredness has surprised me. Iām so lucky that I was able to just sleep.
Weāre now off for dinner with our friends Lindsay and Euan. Weāre going to the Torranyard Tandoori. Iāve heard good things about this restaurant since we moved here 8 years ago. I forgot to say but it was our houseaversary (as Claire would say!) a few days ago so yeah be great to try the restaurant!
Lovely sky on the way there.
Fabulous company and fabulous food. lots of laughs with the guys as usual!!
To be fair, the first two were incredibly easy, given that I hijacked Hollyās morning dog walk with Leo. Holly lives next door and I knew sheād be going out first thing. I took Calaidh out first and then Holly was kind enough to carry on with me, on the second dog walk, with Bhru and Freya. You honestly donāt know youāre walking when you have someone to chat to!
I was sporting my little gift shop headbandā¦. Not quite sure why I have to go all googley eyed in the selfie though!
Even Calaidh was feeling the ruffle of the wind through her fur.
Sheās a pretty girl. All wind swept and interesting.
She did have a good yawn while we waited.
Maybe she was bored with me taking another 400 photos! šš»āāļø
Up the hill and back and then round the Gateside loop with the other two!
They had a wee run in the field too.
So back home to swap dogsā¦. AGAINā¦ and this time Khaleesi on her own with her new harness.
Sheās looking very regal. She was a bit spooked but the wind I think.
I prefer to have a harness on the dogs when I walk them as I think it gives me better control. I donāt know if thatās true or not but safety is in the eye of the beholderā¦. šš»āāļø (I obviously made that up!)
When Khaleesi is on the lead you can call her and she literally comes bounding back by your side!!
Itās so comical to watch! Her enthusiasm is infectious. Here she is coming againā¦ā¦
Bless her.
So finally 3 dog walks later, I can get on with my morning.
Food shopping nowā¦ I headed up to Home Bargains and Aldi, trying to keep costs down.
Back and unloaded the shopping, put it all away and THEN started to make soup.
Actuallyā¦. Checkā¦ Me!
I forgot to say through the week but Ellison brought me some of her home made soup for lunch on Wednesday. It is SO tasty. Itās a really hearty lentil soup.
She gave me the recipeā¦. And I actually made it and it actually worked!!
I donāt have a big soup pot so I had to do an emergency bail out after the first 10 minutes or so, into a second pot! Ellison said it was easy to make but, when you donāt cook, even grating 6 carrots is a chore and a half. š I remembered we have a wee Magimix with a grater when I was 3 carrots š„ š„š„ in!
It tastes so good. Itās like having Ellisonās soup in my house. The only thing thatās missing is the buttered roll that she always gives me too. Sheās awfy good to me she is!
So I have a whole lot of soup now. Guess it will do me all week if I freeze some of it. Iām so proud of myself for making it and loving it.
So I sat down here just after 2pm and itās 4pm already. Iām not quite sure where the time had gone but I could honestly just have a wee sleep.
The wind is still raging outside and Iāve turned the heating up. Iām just chilling with the pups.
So I hope you all have a lovely weekend when it comes.
Woop woop! What a difference a good nightsā sleep makes. I woke at 4.06am and rolled back over to sleep again, until the alarm. Then I couldnāt move!!
I feel SO much better today. Iām still loaded with the cold but something has definitely lifted. my head feels a lot less woolly!
Another busy day at Tartan HQ, itās been a busy week. Despite the lurgy, weāve survived on skeleton staff and made good progress.
I work SO much better when Iām in control. This may not come as a shock to you but I have decided I am actually a control freak!!!
Today I felt very in control. Things went as planned and it felt really good. I feel excited by work when everything is going right. I just need to master my reactions when itās notā¦.. š¤¦š»āāļøš
I really need to work at letting go of controlā¦ I shiver at the thought š¤¦š»āāļøš
Anyhooā¦. Itās my weekend now and Iām so grateful for the break.
We have Storm Babet heading our way but itās pretty calm just now.
I did have a giggle with the giant ivy leaves when I came in tonightā¦.. š¤¦š»āāļøšš
They look like giant dinosaur feet. š¦š¦ššš
Jeezā¦ Iām starting every blog with that these days.
My miracle Rocket Fuel doesnāt seem to be half as effective today.
I was in bed for 8pm last nightā¦ up at 10.22pm, then 12.26am then 1.58am. I couldnāt breathe and my sinuses are booming. Iām taking paracetamol today too.
I feel really dizzy and lightheaded as my ears really badly need to pop.
So once again Iāve got plenty work done but today has definitely been way more of a slog. Iāve got a head full of cotton wool, my muscles ache and I feel really stiff. Shoot me now!
So today is World Menopause Day 2023.
Menopause wise things are going ok. Iām still perimenopausal and have another 12 months to wait to see if Iām menopausal.
Iāve been on HRT for a year now. No follow up with the doctor, kind of feel they just leave you to get on with it. I definitely think Iām better for it though. I would recommend it to anyone, Iām definitely more in control of my emotions than I was. I know I still have bad days, but I donāt know that they are any worse than many other people.
Does seem a bit unfair that I feel so stiff at times when Iām on HRT but hey, it is what it is.
World Menopause Day is to raise awareness but once again itās not really had on any impact in n my day today.
The ivy had almost gone due to the wind thatās picking up outside just now. Thereās a storm due tonight but itās not as windy as I expected it to be.
Wait until you see the size of the leaves.
Such beautiful colours.
Itās so sad to see how quickly it goes. That will be it until next year now.
Time flies so quickly. I canāt believe itās mid October 2023 already. š¤¦š»āāļøš
Anyhoo, Iām off to feel sorry for myself and have another early night.
Jeezo man. Amazing how fast this came on. I was up at 1.30am and couldnāt breathe through my nose at all. My sinuses are solid.
Thatās nothing to our new Rocket Fuel!
Oh my actual word. The first time I tried this I managed one drop on my tongue and it blew my head off.
At 1.30am I took 7 drops and all of a sudden I could breathe. What a relief. Itās great stuff. It would clear a blocked sink given half a chance. š
I took it again when I got up at 6.15am. It blasted my sinuses.
It was the first morning Iāve had to scrape the car too. It was a pretty heavy frost. Also a beautiful morning!
I forgot how long it took for a Beetle to clear itās windscreen. The windscreen blower is no more than a puff. I scraped it clear and had to sit to wait for the demist.
I had to stop at the side of the road as the sky was stunning. This isnāt the best photo but it gives you the idea.
It was such a lovely drive to work. The sky was so red most of the way. By the time I got to Tartan, it was pink and purple. Boyed up by Rocket Fuel I had a good morning.
I didnāt take the Rocket Fuel to work with me though. By lunch I was all bunged up again so I ordered some comfort food for lunch instead of my salad. I had a cheese and ham panini and it was soooo good. (I did eat my salad for dinner so I didnāt waste itā¦. Almost saint-like!)
One minute I want to curl up in a ball and the next minute Iām getting loads done.
I ended up late getting away again as 3 customers phoned in a row, after 4pm! AND I had to go for diesel after workā¦ isnāt that just the worst when you want to get home?!?
I got 514.2miles out of a Ā£77 tank fill which is 15p a mileā¦. It also limits trips to the fuel station, which is a very good thing!!
This time I put in Ā£78 to fill the tank. The van would have been over Ā£120. It still makes me very happy. I love having this car! I can drive into supermarket car parks and do all sorts without not dreading the driving. I will live with the pathetic windscreen blower š
So comfies on and missing Kinisi-flo tonight. If I bend down my nose runs. š¤§š
I woke up with the cold this morning. Actually thatās not entirely true as I woke up at 12.30 and about 5ish with the cold.
I was about to say I felt totally fine yesterday but then remembered that technically that wasnāt true. Least said about that the better. The minute I jumped in the shower yesterday, I felt better.
I had such a lovely drive over to Edinburgh. What a difference a Bertie Beetle makes. Iāve been meaning to talk about that for a whileā¦ Craig must be sick of me saying it. š I LOVE driving again. Iām able to pull away from junctions without being terrified. Iām able to skip out in front of people rather than waiting for a completely clear road. I was driving at 70 miles an hour the whole way to Edinburgh and it felt like a dawdle. I am brave enough to move lanes again. Despite how awful I felt yesterday morning I had a really lovely drive over. I did have the car at 26Ā°C to keep me cosy. maybe that was a sign?!?
We had a lovely family get together. I still seem to struggle with small talk. I know that I used to drink to cover that but not any more. I overthink things and canāt always think what to say. I hear myself and think āurgh why on earth did I say that?ā. I cringe at some of the words that come out of my mouthā¦. Yet I LOVE the real deep and meaningful meaty conversations.
My mumās cousin Pam and her husband were over from Coloradoā¦ we all met in Duddingston, Edinburgh at mumās cousin Joyceāsā¦. Thereās a mouthful and a half.
Here we all are yesterday.
My brother set up this great timer photo and I seemed to pick the forefront and massive spot!!
So back to todayā¦. I went into work early as we are skeleton Tartan this week, and I wanted to let the guys know what they were working onā¦. As the day went on I just got more and more blocked up. I had chills shivering through me. I had the heating up on full in the portacabin!
Quite early on in the day I realised I had to stay until 5pm to receive a rental van back. The thought of it was awfulā¦. The day dragged on and I felt so knackered. Actually I just focused on what needed doing and actually had a really good afternoon. The time passed quickly and I got lots done. I didnāt even feel like Iād stayed late. I have literally talked to myself all day and itās worked. There have been no tears.
I have this lovely gift, from Evelyn, hanging from my rear view mirror.
Stay true to yourself ā„ļø
Oh and a little bit of mint choc chip ice cream makes you feel a bit better too.
Well the hormones have taken hold this morning for the first time in ages. I am so tearful. The tears are just streaming down my face and while they do stop, theyāre back about 10-15 minutes later. This is ridiculous.
Iāve always said I want to tell the truth with this blog, no matter how uncomfortable it is for me to do that.
Iām so glad that Craig has been away this weekend as it wouldnāt have been any fun to be around. Letās get one thing straight, itās not being alone that has made me sadā¦ I think itās my expectations for the weekendā¦. The amount I wanted to do it needed to be a three week weekend! I was rebuilding the house while catching up with friends and family on top of dealing with the dogs.
Iāve been so impatient with the dogs, not had the confidence to walk the three at once so had to do separate walks where I berate myself all the way round for not managing the three of themā¦ there go the tears again. I met a man with a two dogs off lead and the adrenaline that flowed through me was enough to choke a horse. (Poor metaphor but it did make me smile). Of course it was fine.
Wow, even as I write this I really how difficult my head can be and I bring all of this on myself.
Every step with the dogs was a drudge. Bhru and Freya first, then back for Calaidh. Half way through Calaidhās walk I felt a surge of positivity and energy which was nice. I smiled, looked around and appreciated the moment.
It didnāt lastā¦. Poor Claire asked if she could borrow two eggsā¦ is there a way to say todays not a good day to be borrowing eggs š¤¦š»āāļøš she spotted it straight awayā¦ more tears. Jeezā¦.
I was planning to fast until I head over to Edinburgh this afternoon but I had a egg mayo bagel and it has helped. Iād already done 16 hours fasting so I thought some food would help.
Iām gonna put this out before I go. We have a family get together in Edinburgh this afternoon at mumās cousin Joyceās house. (Always call her mumās cousin Joyce for some reasonā¦ smiled again!)
I was have a lovely afternoon and at some point normal Julie will kick back in and no one will ever know. š¤¦š»āāļøšš
At some point I will feel completely calm and forget that this ever happenedā¦. Except that I have written it all down. āŗļø
I saw rainbows everywhere this morning.
Heavy overnight frost!
Then I spotted these really cool clouds on the way back down the hill. They made me feel a bit dizzy through the lens. (lens?!? š iPhone!!)
So yeahā¦ not the best morning. No real reasonā¦ all hormonal and Iām cringing like a cringey thing putting this out but if you met me on the walk Iād have smiled and youād have had no idea.
You meet people like me all over the place. Everywhere. You have no idea how someone is feeling. So please always be kind.
I say thatā¦ā¦ and donāt be too kind if you see me today as you might get tears š„¹š„¹š„¹ššš best just pretending none of this has happened šš
So Iām off to shower, get dressed, hair and make up done and Iāll be fine. Iāll have a lovely day catching up with family Iāve not seen since February. Iāve arranged for neighbours to pop in and let the dogs out.
I have a busy week at work while half of Tartan take holidays at the same timeā¦. But it will all be fine and Iāll wonder what all the fuss was about. Again.
Life with crazy hormones can be tough.. but Iām fighting it every step of the way.
Ooooh I am not in the best fettle todayā¦ I slept much better than last night but did feel a fair bit of pain in my knees, the tablets didnāt seem to do much to ease it. Got up the loo at 12.30am and took some more.
Got a woof woof woof at 7.22am so that we me awake. I decided to up and out with the dogs as soon as I could both to āget it over withā and to get me moving. I could so easily flop into a couch and not move this morning.
Turns out it will be at least another year before I can say Iām menopausal. That wonderful time of the month has returned so thereās the reason for my lower mood.
Everything I look at seems broken, messy, needs fixing, needs sold or given to charity and I canāt be bothered doing any of it. I feel overwhelmed with stuff and I just keep moving it from room to roomā¦. Weāve been here a few times before havenāt we?!
Iām very irritable, so Craig is lucky heās out the way on his training course!
I want to do everything today but my head wants me to give in and do nothing. Like later yesterday, every foot forward is a chore. Everything I think of doing is an irritant.
So back to the dog walks. Bhru and Freya first and lots of photos of the lovely but freezing morning!
FROST!!!!!!!!
I did forget to say that I needed my fingerless gloves on Thursday and the car beeped to say it was less than 4Ā°Cā¦. This is the first frost Iāve seen this year.
Thought this was really prettyā¦. Not often you see flowers at this time of year.
Rainbow at the end of the road!
Then turn into the lovely sun. Itās really cold and I know the rain is coming.
So no pictures of the dogs but hey, youāve seen enoughā¦.. I have Calaidh now and the rainbowās still there. We head up the hill so I can let her off the lead.
At the end of the rainbow!
Itās raining now but the sky is really dramatic.
So dark one way and so blue, the other.
Always loved these trees on the hill. The two tallest ones from the left were named by own dog walking group, Treesa and Twiggy but Oakley is now just a stumpā¦ the 3 trees to the right look just as dramatic on the skylineā¦. Looks like Twiggy is dead now too. Iāve watched Oakley die and be cut down since we lived here.
Stunning clouds.
So Iām back home with the wood burning stove on and Iām sat in a grump. The ivy is looking absolutely stunning in the now, bright blue sky. I had loads I wanted to do this morning but have sat and wallowed instead.
Some folk heading out to Turkey this morning, some out on the Waverley for her last sailings of the season and Iām sitting trying to make myself feel bad. I want all of thatā¦. And yet rarely compare myself to anyone any more.
Iām giving in to my head. As I write that, the realisation dawns. Today is what I choose to make it. I have a lovely lunch planned with Evelyn after meeting her new puppy Betty! That will be lovely.
When itās hard, you need to choose to give in and accept it or fight it and be proud of what you achieve. Iāve had enough wallowingā¦. Upstairs to hoover the bedrooms and the stairs, shower, changed and out for lunch. Just do it!!!
I didā¦
Itās 17.35 and Iāve had a lovely rest of day. I headed round to Evelynās to see her little Working Cocker puppy Betty. She is sooooo tiny!
What a little beauty!!
Sheās in her crate as we are about to leave and it shows just how teeny tiny she isā¦
Sheās such a good girl though and has some speed when she runs already.
We headed to Mocha JaKās and had a lovely lunch. I had chicken and rice soup and a cheese and pickle toastieā¦. It was SO tasty!
We then had a wander around the Geilsland Craft Fayreā¦.. and stopped for another coffee and Biscoff Rocky Road between us. That was even better!!
We had a great chat and she cheered my mardy face up.
I came home and finished off some cleaning before I sat down with come cheese and biscuits for dinner.
The day has turned right around. I feel brighter, my joints and muscles are less painful and Iām more relaxed. I feel calm. The drama has gone.
I did not sleep well last nightā¦.. the first day without full caffeine in weeks and I slept like I was still switched on. All night I tossed and turned like a tossy turney thing.
I felt pretty tired when I got up but wanted to head up to Braehead Shopping Centre early, to return clothes to M&S and exchange my Turkish Lira back.
For what itās worth, my advice is not to take foreign cash abroad anymore. It cost a fortune to exchange and we hardly used any. The woman at the counter said to take English pounds as we all know our Scottish legal tender is not considered legal tender anywhere else in the UK. š¤¦š»āāļøš that drives us Scots nutsā¦.. but heyā¦. I also reckon paying by card abroad is more than enough these days.
So I had a quick wander round Braehead before heading to Aldi for a quick food shop, though I had bought tonightās dinner from M&S. Well seeing Craigās away!
He left after lunch to head to Glenrothes for a dog training weekend with Jo-Rosie Haffendon, Khaleesiās previous owner. Heās taken Khal with him so she can see her.
So I headed off out on two walksā¦ with hoddit and doddit first.
Itās been like April showers today. I was lucky enough to get out in between them.
Saw this lovely rainbow as we walked round.
I have to say that I am not feeling full of sweetness and light today. Iām not appreciating the present momentā¦. Each step was a struggle. My knees are sore, my right ankle is sore and I just felt generally ugh. I was fighting it all the way. Iām annoyed that I donāt drink, donāt smoke, take supplements and drink pretty much only water and the odd coffee and yet I still feel a bit rotten. How is that fair?!? I talked myself into accepting it was what it was and it wasnāt the end of the world. I managed to feel a bit of peace at that.
I came home to swap out for plodditā¦
By the time I got back I have actually walked nearly 15K steps today so Iāve hardly sat down to it. Another positive.
I made my M&S stir fry for dinner.
Randomly with garlic and lemon prawns and feta to go with the pad Thai stir fry!
Then I had a wee 0% Guinnessā¦ again randomlyā¦ donāt have this very often and itās really nice. A wee treat.
Finally look how pretty the ivy is out the back now.
Isnāt nature beautiful!
The moral for me today is to stop fighting how I feel. Acceptance is half the battle. I have my feet up writing this and Iām going to do some stretches to try and loosen off my tight muscles.
Then Iām going to get into a clean bed and have a lovely sleep.
Jeez I was out for the count last night. Iād had lots of birthday cake and treats and caffeine and Nozeco (alcohol free)ā¦. Yet I could barely wake up with the alarm.
I dragged myself out of bed and got into work early as Iāve been making up time as o had the dentist at 3.15 so needed to leave work at 2.30pm.
The day flew in.
Craigās away out for Hollyās 50th birthday day at the races and I should have been there too. I got all mixed up with dates and thought this was the October school week where almost everyone takes the week off in Tartanā¦ā¦ and thereās only 4 of us in and I got it wrongā¦ thatās next week!! So Iāve missed Hollyās big day AND have that to look forward to next week š¤¦š»āāļøš³š.
So itās worked out for the best as Iām Julie 5 dogs today. Iāll explain in a bitā¦.
So, flew out of work just after 2.30pmā¦. Forgot to take my toothbrush to work so hoped Iād have time to get home, clean my teeth and back out but I had to go straight there. The dentist is across the road from the little gift shop. I stopped to say hi to Gayle for 5 minutes and then went in.
Check up ā
Clean and polish ā
Big gap between bottom teeth after plaque removal ā
What is it about plaque removalā¦ I now have a sore tongue as I canāt stop brushing it past the back of my bottom teeth.
I need to scrub less when I clean my teethā¦. A hazard of a good teeth cleaner she said. It might help reduce sensitivity.
So back out and another quick chat with Gayle.
The Christmas stock is out now and at a quick glance, I have to say, the shop looked amazing. It is literally bursting with beautiful things. I say that, not to imply thereās too much stock, it just took my breath away, it looks so lovely!
I had to dash up the road to get to my 5 dogsā¦ šš¶š¶š¶š¶š¶
I am looking after handsome Nacho puppy for Rachel two doors downā¦. Sheās with Craig at the Hollyās race day. I say looking after, Iām just popping in on him to walk him and let home out.
What a cutie Nacho is!!!
I took him and Calaidh out for a walk. there was lots of sniffing!
Nacho is such a good boy! I let him off the lead so they could play around for a bit. Tire them out.
Look at the skyā¦.
Buddies heading home!
Back into our house and fed my 4 and played outside with the ball. Forgot to take photos but thatās just as well as there would be millions.
Tidied the kitchen, did a poop scoop, fed myselfā¦. I now have 4 sleeping dogsā¦ so I popped back in for some Nacho cuddles and to let him out the back. Itās so nice to spend some time with him. Heās so good natured and loves his toys.
We canāt have dog cuddly toys here as we live with Calaidh the destroyerā¦. She canāt annihilate a cuddly toy in about 3 minutes flat.
I told Nacho he wouldnāt be on his own for longā¦ hate leaving any pupper Iām looking after.
So finally sat downā¦. House is a riot but that will have to wait. Guess what Iām doing this weekend then?!? 3 weeks of housework. Thatās what you get for galivanting the world.
The Rambling Sloth š¦„ 