Day 1231 another busy day at work then some garden clearing tonight!

I had THE best sleep last night. Soooo good. Work up at 5.45 and don’t remember anything all night. Love that. More of that tonight please.

I went into work feeling positive for the day ahead…. And walked straight into one thing after another. All work plans out the window as I fire fought one thing to the next. When something goes “wrong” my inner voice is so negative. There was an issue with a part delivered today and I could blame myself to the moon and back, but at the end of the day we thought one thing and the supplier thought another. It’s just one of those things that happens. Who’s fault is it?!?!?! Quite frankly there’s a bit on both sides and the half hour wasted on how can we apportion blame, is just a waste of time. They have pulled it out the bag and will sort the issue this week. Yes, we have to determine how we can stop that from happening in future and that’s something I will always work at.

What surprised me is how negative my inner voice can get. Its always been there. Putting me down. I’m just so much more aware of it now.

It’s almost like a part of me revels in the fact that something, under my responsibility, had gone wrong, again. Trying to make me feel anxious, trying to make me stress out and feel bad. That voice wants me to take the blame for everything, to prove that I’m useless, to make me think that I’m not good enough to do my job. It’s really bad but I actually think it’s really positive that I am aware of it. At least some days.

I wonder why I do that?!?? Why do I have such little self worth that I would revel in screwing something up, only to justify how rubbish I am?!?

There were a few things today that tried to pull me down but I didn’t let it win. What I did instead, was be proud of how I handled it and how quickly I got it resolved. Files from previous jobs held all the information that I needed and I found it clearly and calmly. That’ll show you Negative Nelly.

I know how crazy all of this sounds but I’m fascinated by it all…. Certainly on the days that I can see it for what it is.

Someone had a good walk round Abbie the Campervan today so that was exciting. At least it’s a start. I know she will sell but it’s been a slow start so I’ve been a bit disheartened. Negative Nelly enjoys being disheartened. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

On the way home tonight, I rounded a bed to find two cars driving straight towards me. One was overtaking and only just pulled in in front of me. He waved to apologise but oh my god…. The wave of adrenaline that went through me was something else. I had the shakes the rest of the way home.

It’s already 8.25 as I’ve been out in the garden. I’ve had no real purpose, I’ve just been doing a lot of bits and pieces. I’ve done some weeding, some digging and some clearing and binning of rubbish that had gathered around the garden over the years. It feels so good to have a bit of a tidy up.

I had a headache on the way home and knew I couldn’t have another night just sitting in front of the tv. I desperately wanted to do nothing and just chill out and relax, but I knew it wouldn’t be good for me.

So the headache is gone and I have really accomplished something. It feels good.

Oh and I made a chicken stir fry for dinner tonight too!

Check me!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️