08/08/2023 – The Rambling Sloth 🦥

What a beautiful day today. It’s been sunny and warm which has been lovely. I was able to wear my shorts to work and not freeze.

I’m sitting outside writing this. It’s windy but warm enough.

I had another amazing sleep but when I woke I wanted to just stay in bed and had to talk myself into moving… to be fair, I had to 😆 but I was super positive. I kept saying “you’ve got this and today is what you make it, it’s going to be a wonderful day and you’ll get loads done”.

It ran around my head like a mantra and I smiled every time I thought it. Which was a lot.

The morning went slowly as I started on all the things that needed doing. I was clear and focussed and pleased with my progress. All the while, massively proud of my positivity.

The day is what we make it.

Then I saw my lovely friend Isy posted this.

A major shift in consciousness…. Wow. I love when something like this clicks with me.

Things happened that weren’t what I wanted to hear but I took a deep breath and got on with them. I did what needed doing. Still smiling. Proud of my lack of Julie style reaction.

I can’t pinpoint when it actually went wrong but I became overwhelmed with everything coming at me in the afternoon.

My list long out the window. All the while everything that’s happening is just adding to the list. I’m no longer in control, I don’t have time to write things down before I move on to the next.

I should say here, as I always do, that NONE of these things are the end of the world. It’s my fight or flight reactions that make them the end of the world in my head. Nothing is insurmountable (I’ve used that recently 🙄) but it’s true, I know that.

Yet I get ratty, defensive, put myself down to anyone who will listen and worst of all… laugh at myself for being so cocky in the morning. “”yeah right, you think you’ve got it sussed, you’ll never have it sussed”. I speak to myself in a way I’d never speak to my worst enemy.

I have to take Abbie the camper van to the garage to get a once over before she sells. I’m not happy with the steering and think she needs a new power steering pump though hoping it’s less than that.

I left the garage without a lift home and felt all tearful and angry as I left. I suppose it’s understandable really but I feel like a wee kid who needs to have a tantrum. I’m full of pent up irritation and anger, all of it unfounded. I’ve become irritated with anything that doesn’t go my way. Tasks that a few Friday’s ago I was positively bursting to tick off my list are creating anger and frustration as I can’t possibly imagine how I’ll be able to fit that into my busy schedule.

Again, lets have a laugh at that…. My busy schedule sees me sitting with my feet up in front of the tv most nights so I’m hardly rushed off my feet.

So thankfully Gayle agreed to come and pick me up after work and I sat on a kerb at the high school car park for a while. That helped me breath a bit more freely. She then made me laugh in the car which really helped.

Honestly my teeth are crawling in the back of my mouth right now….. I messaged Angela, my kinesiolgist, to pull forward next weeks’ appointment and she can see me at 7.30pm. This stuff works wonders for me and I know I’ll feel better when I’ve talked it through. I feel better writing it down too.

I always vow when I’m like this, that I’ll never feel like this again and yet it keeps coming at me. I wish I could just let the bad feelings go but I hold onto them, swing around on them and get irritated by how they make me feel. Maybe that’s what I need to work on tonight.

Sorry…. I hear myself. I had such a lovely Sunday. I need to hold on to that…. Which means more photos!!!

Passing the Tall Ship on the Clyde.

On our way… Craig took this!

The Renfrew Ferry jetty. This is the only Clyde ferry that still operates across edge 200m river. The Captain said it was very popular with pedestrians.