Tag: tension

Day 1452 right out my comfort zone!

Have you ever done something you really wanted to do and then stopped and thought, oh jeez, what have I done?!?

Iā€™ve created the perfect storm in my head. Iā€™m building stress and tension by the minute.

I think the main issue is that Iā€™ve booked my Rome weekend with such short notice. I only gave myself 4 days to remember what we wear in 26Ā°C heat, while waking round a city, which Iā€™ve not done for years. Iā€™ve also felt pressure to book the main tourist attractions in advance. Iā€™d hate to go all the way there and not get in to something at the last minute.

So I didnā€™t sleep well last night at all, my head is buzzingā€¦. Overwhelmed with far too much information. I feel like you need a degree to try booking a trip to the Vatican. There are so many options and prices, I swear itā€™s designed to bamboozle.

Every time I sat down calmly to look, I got drawn into wormholes and seem to go round in circles. So at lunch today, I found an article and read it all the way through, without reading all the pop ups.. and finally booked for the Vatican Museums, the Sistine Chapel and St Peterā€™s Basilica. Itā€™s at 10am on Saturday morning. My hotel is only 3km away so that gives me plenty of time to get there.

I have also booked a tour for Sunday morning at 10am. The Colosseum, Roman Forum and Palatine Hill tour.

If that is all I do then I think it will be more than enough.

That calmed my head immediatelyā€¦ā€¦ but I really struggle having to do things in the evening, when I want to write the blog and relax.

I ironed some clothes last night and need to finalise what Iā€™m taking. I make it seem like a chore rather than fun holiday prep.

Iā€™m sorry, I hear myself but I promised Iā€™d be honest in this blog and tell it warts and all.

Iā€™m driven to step out my comfort zone. I want to travel as I know how good it makes me feel and yet I freak once Iā€™ve done it and remember how much I hate flying!! šŸ˜‚

Ok Iā€™ll shut up nowā€¦. Iā€™m gonna do a meditation before bed tonight to try to calm my racing thoughts.

I made another lovely dinner tonight. Kimchi Miso Nourish Bowl With Farro, Charred Purple Sprouting Broccoli & Pak Choi. Donā€™t think Iā€™ve ever eaten Farro before. As usual a it was really lovely.

I took it outside to eat in the sunā€¦ although it was very windyā€¦ it blew some cobwebs away.

My favourite bush is looking beautiful in the low sun.

The colour matches my dinner.

Iā€™m gonna stop feeling sorry for myself and appreciate the excitement of a holiday.

Stepping out of our comfort zone isnā€™t always easyā€¦ but it will be worth it.

Stay safe everyone ā™„ļøā™„ļøā™„ļø

Day 1218 a scorcher of a busy day at work!

What a beautiful day today. Itā€™s been sunny and warm which has been lovely. I was able to wear my shorts to work and not freeze.

Iā€™m sitting outside writing this. Itā€™s windy but warm enough.

I had another amazing sleep but when I woke I wanted to just stay in bed and had to talk myself into movingā€¦ to be fair, I had to šŸ˜† but I was super positive. I kept saying ā€œyouā€™ve got this and today is what you make it, itā€™s going to be a wonderful day and youā€™ll get loads doneā€.

It ran around my head like a mantra and I smiled every time I thought it. Which was a lot.

The morning went slowly as I started on all the things that needed doing. I was clear and focussed and pleased with my progress. All the while, massively proud of my positivity.

The day is what we make it.

Then I saw my lovely friend Isy posted this.

A major shift in consciousnessā€¦. Wow. I love when something like this clicks with me.

Things happened that werenā€™t what I wanted to hear but I took a deep breath and got on with them. I did what needed doing. Still smiling. Proud of my lack of Julie style reaction.

I canā€™t pinpoint when it actually went wrong but I became overwhelmed with everything coming at me in the afternoon.

My list long out the window. All the while everything thatā€™s happening is just adding to the list. Iā€™m no longer in control, I donā€™t have time to write things down before I move on to the next.

I should say here, as I always do, that NONE of these things are the end of the world. Itā€™s my fight or flight reactions that make them the end of the world in my head. Nothing is insurmountable (Iā€™ve used that recently šŸ™„) but itā€™s true, I know that.

Yet I get ratty, defensive, put myself down to anyone who will listen and worst of allā€¦ laugh at myself for being so cocky in the morning. ā€œā€yeah right, you think youā€™ve got it sussed, youā€™ll never have it sussedā€. I speak to myself in a way Iā€™d never speak to my worst enemy.

I have to take Abbie the camper van to the garage to get a once over before she sells. Iā€™m not happy with the steering and think she needs a new power steering pump though hoping itā€™s less than that.

I left the garage without a lift home and felt all tearful and angry as I left. I suppose itā€™s understandable really but I feel like a wee kid who needs to have a tantrum. Iā€™m full of pent up irritation and anger, all of it unfounded. Iā€™ve become irritated with anything that doesnā€™t go my way. Tasks that a few Fridayā€™s ago I was positively bursting to tick off my list are creating anger and frustration as I canā€™t possibly imagine how Iā€™ll be able to fit that into my busy schedule.

Again, lets have a laugh at thatā€¦. My busy schedule sees me sitting with my feet up in front of the tv most nights so Iā€™m hardly rushed off my feet.

So thankfully Gayle agreed to come and pick me up after work and I sat on a kerb at the high school car park for a while. That helped me breath a bit more freely. She then made me laugh in the car which really helped.

Honestly my teeth are crawling in the back of my mouth right nowā€¦.. I messaged Angela, my kinesiolgist, to pull forward next weeksā€™ appointment and she can see me at 7.30pm. This stuff works wonders for me and I know Iā€™ll feel better when Iā€™ve talked it through. I feel better writing it down too.

I always vow when Iā€™m like this, that Iā€™ll never feel like this again and yet it keeps coming at me. I wish I could just let the bad feelings go but I hold onto them, swing around on them and get irritated by how they make me feel. Maybe thatā€™s what I need to work on tonight.

Sorryā€¦. I hear myself. I had such a lovely Sunday. I need to hold on to thatā€¦. Which means more photos!!!

Passing the Tall Ship on the Clyde.

On our wayā€¦ Craig took this!

The Renfrew Ferry jetty. This is the only Clyde ferry that still operates across edge 200m river. The Captain said it was very popular with pedestrians.

Heading to the Erskine Bridge.

The Glen Sannox, CalMac ferry still under construction.

The Cloch Lighthouse.

Dolphinsā€¦. Honestly! šŸ˜‚

Millpond.

Iā€™ll leave it there for now. still millions more to share šŸ™„

Health Kinesiology awaits.

Stay safe everyone ā™„ļøā™„ļøā™„ļø

Day 1180 back home, washing done, van cleared out and Starbucks with Gayle!

Once again itā€™s all in the title! šŸ˜‚

I have to be honest and say I didnā€™t feel great when I woke this morning. Iā€™ve been super dehydrated all week, not drinking enough while we were away, and have had tight neck and shoulders for a fair bit of the week. Either that or I was sitting in a draft šŸ˜‚ It was so tense this morning. My head was thumping tooā€¦. But onwards and upwards.

We took the dogs out early on. Itā€™s been like April today with sunshine and showersā€¦ we missed the shower thankfully. I cannot believe itā€™s actually July!!! How did that happen.

Wait till you see my next thistle picā€¦. I think I should call this one barbed wire instead. It does sum up the day!

We met a couple of neighbours along the way and everyone was feeling a bit down. Must be the weather. It was good to have a chat and a wee hug and try to cheer other people up, all the while feeling pretty grumpy myself.

I pulled the van over to the front door and emptied everything out. I cleaned all the seat pads, swept it out, cleaned the sink and hob. I love getting it all done after a holiday.

As I dumped everything at the door, Craig had it all moved and dealt with before I finished outside. Heā€™d even hoovered up after Bhruic who is now moulting everywhere! Heā€™s a good ā€˜un šŸ˜‚ (well, for today anywayā€¦šŸ˜†šŸ˜˜)

I then went for a soak in a hot bath and actually took some ibruprofen to help loosen my muscles. That really did help. She who normally hates baths, loved this one. It was nice to just lie back and breathe for a bit.

I did have several interruptionsā€¦. The first was Craig telling me a lady had just stared into the dining room window as he sat working at the tableā€¦

Then literally a few minutes later to tell me sheā€™d just walked in the front door and asked him if the pub was open as she fancied some pub grub!?!?! He was in a T-shirt and boxers as he ushered her out the front door!?!?! Thatā€™s a first. šŸ¤¦šŸ»ā€ā™€ļøšŸ˜‚

I arranged to meet Gayle for a Starbucks at 2pm since Craig was making dog behaviour enquiry calls and I caught up on all the shop news. I see loads of new stock in which is exciting. She doesnā€™t need me this week as Lochwinnoch is closed for holidays so I get some extra days off. Iā€™ll miss the shop banter but will be good to have a short week first week back.

So yeah, maybe post holiday blues, not sure, but my head is all over the place today. Guess I need to take some of this adviceā€¦ just once I figure out exactly what it isā€¦.

Hope you all have a great Saturday night.

Stay safe everyone ā™„ļøā™„ļøā™„ļø