Day 1401 who’d a thunk it and a roundup of stats!

On day 1359 I put out my blog as usual… the next day I called it day 1400 and only a few people noticed… I had NO idea why I had just jumped 40 days. Thanks to clever Rachel two doors down for making me realise I wasn’t crazy… on the 24 hour clock 1400hours comes straight after 1359!! Duh…. 🙄 😂

I usually do a stats roundup on the significant days of the blog. There was way too much to talk about yesterday. I still can’t get my head around the fact that I have written this for almost every single one of these 1401 days… give or take.

It helps my head so much.

It challenges my head on the days I can’t talk about something that’s really bothering me.

But most of all, it’s a blessing to be able to think through my day and make sense of it.

I’m feeling so much calmer after Kinesiology last week. We have taken the sting out of the urgency for change. I am back in alignment for now.

I have a great life. I have a lovely husband and 4 lovely dogs. We have a lovely house and live in a lovely village and I have the luxury of only working 4 days a week. I used to dream of that kind of freedom.

I used to dream of the job I would have and now I have it.

There are days when all of that implodes on me and creates so much stress that I just want to run and hide.

I expect FAR too much of myself and yet I’m proud of that as that is what makes me, me.

I have done all of this with the help of counselling and Kinesiology and the support of everyone around me.

And most of all because I refuse to give into it.

1,871 days without alcohol
1,271 days without anti depressants although always consider them when it gets bad
467 on HRT, not really sure what this has done for me but hey, I’ll keep on.
413 fasting, my newest fad ( I say that and I recognise I’m pretty committed when I settle on something 😂)

So why have I learned in the last 100 days… hmmmm I’ve had some tough days but still nothing like I experienced before. I think there’s always the fear that I will head back down there. Maybe I’m really not a fan of winter.

I’m not missing the van at all, that surprises me but also helps me to know I made the right decision selling her. I’m super excited to explore again in 2024 and I’m so looking forward to some sunshine.

I will miss campsites randomly…. There’s a lovely camaraderie between campers. I will miss that, just not enough to keep running a van. Sure I can get a wee tent if I miss it too much. 😂

I’m feeling really good today. Positive about the future. Grateful for everything that I have and grateful to finally be calm and not want to head for the hills.

I want to explore the whole world and experience the cultures everywhere. I know that I will get to do this and will enjoy every minute of it… it just doesn’t have to happen tomorrow.

So back to today… a run with Calaidh this morning in my new trainers. DRY FEET!!! Yay. Calaidh approves.

When I got home we went to Mocha Jak’s for brunch.

I had the Honey, Pesto & Walnut Avocado Stack which is new! It was really lovely.

Back home and Craig watched the football while I had a wee rest and watched some episodes of Manifest on the iPad, lying on the bed.

I then took Freya out a walk. She’s chuffed with the trainers too.

I did some training with her, she’s a good girl.

It’s been a lovely sunny day. It started to rain when I walked Freya but it’s the first day I’ve been out with a sweatshirt and a bodywarmer and not felt frozen. ☀️

So yeah, 1.401 days…. Bring it on the rest.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1300 how did we get here already?!?

1300 days eh?? Who’d a thunk it?!

Since the end of March 2020 I’ve written an almost daily blog. I know I’ve missed a few but I never would have thought this would become such a big thing for me.

Writing helps me make sense of my day to day moods and thoughts. If it helps any one of you at the same time then it makes it even more worthwhile.

For some reason I feel compelled to talk about my life. I have no idea why but I will keep going for as long as it feels right.

So let’s start with a wee stat catch up… love me a good stat!

1,760 days without alcohol (look at how much money I have apparently saved?!?!)
1,171 days without antidepressants
367 days on HRT
313 days fasting

It’s amazing how the days add up.

No longer self medicating with alcohol is the best gift I have ever given myself.

I know that so many of you will not understand this. I’m not sure I ever really understood a non drinker when I actually drank.

Sadly alcohol is still the only socially acceptable drug where people will try to force you to take it.

“go on just have a drink”

It’s only socially acceptable when your drunken actions are considered cool or funny. The minute you overstep any of the unwritten rules, big drinkers will drop their own like a hot potato.

Sadly today saw the death of Matthew Perry, Chandler, of Friends fame.

He struggled with addiction. In recent years he’s said that he can’t watch himself on Friends without seeing the time when he was on opiates, struggling with alcohol or high on cocaine. He wrote this…

I would like to think that we remember his legacy of trying to help others with addiction, while struggling with his own.

I never thought I was addicted and certainly was nowhere near, what we would consider, an alcoholic. I hated the person that alcohol made me become. I hated the things I did. It was not good for me.

I was an extroverted extrovert. Who knew that stopping drinking would reveal that I’m actually pretty introverted. I am still an extrovert with the right people and the right chat…. But most of the time I am happy in a quiet room with my words.

I have changed SO much. I am no longer motivated by possessions.

If I’m honest I think I spent most of my life being what I thought I was meant to be. So let’s think that through slowly… I didn’t have the self worth that being me, was enough.

I wanted whatever YOU wanted, I listened to the music that YOU listened to. I bought the things that YOU bought. I had no likes and dislikes of my own. I’ve realised I have very simple tastes but I was embarrassed by that.

I also NEVER wanted the big job. I left school and went to Uni because all my friends did. I picked Business Studies because I never had a “thing” or a passion for anything.

I guess I do regret some of my life decisions but I am so grateful that I got to see the true meaning of life, in my lifetime.

Taking each day as it comes… appreciating the beauty in every moment of every day.

Being kind to others as often as possible.

I try not to think badly of people…. If I do, I at least try to realise why they are acting as they do. I refuse to believe that anyone upsets or hurts anyone deliberately. I try not to judge others. We all have our own hardships and lives to live.

Through judging, we separate. Through understanding, we grow.

I always try to see things from other people’s point of view.

Anyway, I’ve done lots of clearing out today again. I’ve chucked out another 3 bags of rubbish or things for charity.

I also met Gayle at Mocha JaKs for a long awaited catch up. We had a lovely cake and coffee/tea and talked the hind legs off a donkey. 2 hours of non stop chat! It was great to meet up.

And finally, thanks to everyone who reads this! Friends, family and friends that I have never even met. Thanks for all of your comments and kind words and thanks to those silent readers too. Occasionally I realise that you are there.!

To be fair I’d keep writing this to an empty house but the comments keep me spurned on. You help me on the bad days and you celebrate the good day.s (oooh that brought a wee tear!) thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1234 oooh now there’s a number!

I had nothing to write about today. Been putting off putting “pen” to “paper” as I’m a bit bored writing that I had a busy day at work!! I did and I slept really well again… I love a great nights sleep!!

So maybe on day 1234 it’s time for a stat update. You know how I love a stat!

The biggest stat of all 1694 days without alcohol
1244 days since I lost my job due to my anxiety and depression (legally position made redundant)
878 days since I started work at Tartan Campers
740 days without anti-depressants
301 days since I started HRT
247 days since I started daily fasting

The not drinking and lack of anti depressants still blow me away.

If you had ever told me 1695 days ago, that I would stop drinking AND not be managing life without strong antidepressants, I would never have believed you.

I was so unhappy back then. I was busy trying so hard to live a life that was destroying me. I would have changed so much, if I knew then, what I know now. I can’t regret any of that because it gave me the chance to see what I can see now. That life doesn’t have to be lived at 100 miles an hour. That’s you don’t have to make everyone else happy to the detriment of yourself. That I matter.

My opinion matters.

My needs matter.

I count.

I love that I know that now.

I love that I think that.

I love that I really mean that.

I know that I hide from reality sometimes.

I crave alone time and peace.

I love deep and meaningful conversations but since I stopped drinking I just can’t seem to manage small talk.

I have to avoid any subjects that steal my peace.

The news is a complete no-no.

I can’t cope with any drama.

I like life to be simple and calm and peaceful.

It might seem boring to some but I love my new reality.

Craig married a Senior Manager in a suit, makeup and high heels and stood by my side as I made huge decisions that would change our lives forever. I’m so very grateful for his love and support.

I now walk out the door in jeans or tartan joggers and a T-shirt and I’ve never been more comfortable. I mostly don’t care what I look like and hardly ever wear make up.

I can breathe.

I still have bad days.

My anxiety can scream at me at fever pitch when something doesn’t sit right with me.

My fight or flight reflex is still really hard to ignore at times.

I can be the one who says the wrong thing at times. I can overreact. I can snap.

I love exploring all of this through writing The Rambling Sloth. It really helps to try and understand my thoughts, feelings and mood swings.

I also LOVE taking photos and sharing them on my Just Jules Photgraphy page.

I am desperate to see more of the world. I’ve always said I want to see every country. I love exploring!

So yeah, it’s been a journey and a half.

I’d like to thank everyone who takes the time to read this. I can’t tell you how much that means. Until you quote it back to me… then I cringe. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂😂

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️