Day 1473 a day of reflection ♥️

I did not get up for a run this morning. It’s dark and pouring with rain, I turned over and tried to ignore the fact I was awake in plenty time to go for a run, slightly beating myself up a bit…. Obviously!

I know fine well if I’d been meeting someone, I’d have gone out in a heartbeat, regardless of the rain, but it wasn’t happening this morning.

I’ve cleaned the bathroom instead.

I let the dogs out. The garden looks really fresh and green because everything is so wet. Things are starting to grown now. It looks really vibrant.

I’ve checked ahead in the forecast, as I do and it looks like we will finally start to see some warmth in the air this week sometime!

So if like me, you are heading out to work this morning in a bit of a funk… my friend Isy comes up trumps again with this…

I’m wrapped up now. Off to work.

Fast forward to tonight….

So, I’ve had an ok-ish day.

My head has been wrapped up in cotton wool and I’ve struggled to think straight. I’ve actually hit my temples a few times in an attempt to clear my head. Gently of course 😆

I’ve been irritable too.

Then I saw this and it does really help.

Just to breathe.

I didn’t get lunch until 2.15pm.

Holly next door had handed me in lentil soup and mac n’cheese last night, for my lunch today. How lovely is that?! So kind of her.

I heated it up then didn’t get to it for another 45 minutes… it was still amazing.

This…. ♥️

I’ve not been able to do it all day, but I have really tried. I feel like I’ve been arguing with my ego. It wants to be annoyed and angry at everything. There is absolutely no need to be angry.

I’m just tired and a bit flat. That is normal life. We can’t all be like Heidi the mountain goat, running about the world taking photos every day!!

Half the battle is knowing how you react in these situations and trying to correct it.

I felt much better by the time I got home and I made myself dinner.

Oh wow…..

These were just amazing. One of the nicest things I’ve eaten in ages. I’ve left a portion for Craig to heat up after work tonight.

I was then determined to get my exercise in, so took Calaidh for a walk up the hill.

She’s a happy girl. she’s a tiny black dot in this pic!

The bushes are starting to flower.

The trees are all budding now too.

There’s so much in life to be grateful for, even when you can’t see it sometimes.

Ooooh that little bit of wisdom brought a wee tear there.

I love it when the blog hits the nail on the head for me.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1261 a much brighter day, still wet, dark and miserable though!

I always love the day after Health Kinesiology. The whirlwind has passed and only calm remains.

We covered loads last night, with the focus on me being really unsettled and out of sorts.

The hardest battle we face is with ourselves.

So very true. I’m still my own worst enemy at times.

I felt a real heaviness. Everything felt like a burden. Once again there was actually nothing wrong but I’d become weighed down by the amount of things that needed doing. Remember that some of these things were actually lovely, like holidays, but they just added to the drama inside my head.

This essence came up for me and as always, is scarily true.

I’m back on a even keel…. For a while anyway.

I think that I’m still so used to expecting the worst. My fight or flight response is still far too quick to kick in. I expect the worst all the time. Anxiety overthinks everything.

But not today. Today there is calm.

I got lots done at work as I’m having to plan ahead due to my holidays.

I came home and finally packed for my 3 days in Devon this weekend, staying at my friend Helen’s…. AND…

I put my clothes into my case for Turkey 🇹🇷 next week. check me!

All of these things have been causing anxiety. Today…. Packed, boom, done, what’s the worst that can happen?! Please all remind me that I have t packed any underwear for Turkey yet, so that could be awkward 🤦🏻‍♀️😂😘

This is the first night Craig has been in all week so I’m skipping the Crochet Hookers to spend the evening with him as I’m gallivanting for a while.

Check Khaleesi trying not to look at my fillet steak dinner.

It was very lovely.

So off to Devon after work tomorrow. Not flying to Bristol until 10pm so most likely be blogging from the airport tomorrow.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1259 was going to be a quickie until I kept rambling 😂

It’s 8.23pm and it’s not often but I have very little to say.

I’ve had so much going on these last few days (most of it in my mind!!) that it’s quite nice not to have too many words swirling round in my head.

I haven’t felt great today but I’ve been much better this evening. Much calmer.

Work was good but actually just a blur, it went so fast! I took Khaleesi in with me again.

I only have 6 working days before I finish up for a full week off and I have SO much to do. Some of it just might have to wait. (Thousands of pounds worth of therapy to allow me to believe that!)

I had to drive to Bearsden after dinner tonight to pick up Leesi’s next prescription. The poor pup needs meds to control her pain. It’s so sad.

I’ve had some really icky feelings this last week or so. All brought on by fighting the insurance… I know that was the crux of it…. But…… all negotiated without any of my previous coping mechanisms that I used to use to to get me through the tough times. No wine, no mountains of Cadbury’s chocolate buttons. Just have to sit there and feel it all.

I’m really pleased that I’ve lost a bit more weight this week too.

At my worst when I was off sick I went up to 14 stone.

I’m down to 12 stone 2 lbs today for the first time in about 5 years. I had another lovely salad for lunch. im still really enjoying the fasting.

Anyway, I’m saying an awful lot for having nothing to say!!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1234 oooh now there’s a number!

I had nothing to write about today. Been putting off putting “pen” to “paper” as I’m a bit bored writing that I had a busy day at work!! I did and I slept really well again… I love a great nights sleep!!

So maybe on day 1234 it’s time for a stat update. You know how I love a stat!

The biggest stat of all 1694 days without alcohol
1244 days since I lost my job due to my anxiety and depression (legally position made redundant)
878 days since I started work at Tartan Campers
740 days without anti-depressants
301 days since I started HRT
247 days since I started daily fasting

The not drinking and lack of anti depressants still blow me away.

If you had ever told me 1695 days ago, that I would stop drinking AND not be managing life without strong antidepressants, I would never have believed you.

I was so unhappy back then. I was busy trying so hard to live a life that was destroying me. I would have changed so much, if I knew then, what I know now. I can’t regret any of that because it gave me the chance to see what I can see now. That life doesn’t have to be lived at 100 miles an hour. That’s you don’t have to make everyone else happy to the detriment of yourself. That I matter.

My opinion matters.

My needs matter.

I count.

I love that I know that now.

I love that I think that.

I love that I really mean that.

I know that I hide from reality sometimes.

I crave alone time and peace.

I love deep and meaningful conversations but since I stopped drinking I just can’t seem to manage small talk.

I have to avoid any subjects that steal my peace.

The news is a complete no-no.

I can’t cope with any drama.

I like life to be simple and calm and peaceful.

It might seem boring to some but I love my new reality.

Craig married a Senior Manager in a suit, makeup and high heels and stood by my side as I made huge decisions that would change our lives forever. I’m so very grateful for his love and support.

I now walk out the door in jeans or tartan joggers and a T-shirt and I’ve never been more comfortable. I mostly don’t care what I look like and hardly ever wear make up.

I can breathe.

I still have bad days.

My anxiety can scream at me at fever pitch when something doesn’t sit right with me.

My fight or flight reflex is still really hard to ignore at times.

I can be the one who says the wrong thing at times. I can overreact. I can snap.

I love exploring all of this through writing The Rambling Sloth. It really helps to try and understand my thoughts, feelings and mood swings.

I also LOVE taking photos and sharing them on my Just Jules Photgraphy page.

I am desperate to see more of the world. I’ve always said I want to see every country. I love exploring!

So yeah, it’s been a journey and a half.

I’d like to thank everyone who takes the time to read this. I can’t tell you how much that means. Until you quote it back to me… then I cringe. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂😂

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

M	T	W	T	F	S	S
1	2	3	4	5	6	7
8	9	10	11	12	13	14
15	16	17	18	19	20	21
22	23	24	25	26	27	28
29	30	31