Who’d a thunk it, as my lovely Gran would have said?! 💜

1500 days of writing an almost daily blog. Only interrupted by the odd bad life event and lack of signal on holidays last year.

I have learned so much about myself… the main thing being that when I set my mind to something, I really seem to stick to it.

I have staying power. who knew?!?

After going off sick in September 2018, with anxiety which sank into depression, I’ve been on a journey of self discovery and healing.

It hasn’t always been pretty.

In fact, at times it’s been pretty ugly.

In March 2020 I started to write a daily blog to keep a record of life in Scottish COVID-19 lockdown

So as I do on the big number days, I’ll have a quick round up of my stats.

• 1971 without alcohol
• 1371 without anti depressants
• 567 on HRT
• 513 fasting

I need to manage everything that goes into my life, to ensure that I give myself the best chance of peace and happiness.

This has lead to my love of day trips, exploring and re-igniting my love of travel.

There are days where this is absolutely a travel blog…. I feel for the lovely people I meet on trips, that join the blog and within days get the woe-is-me-I’m-crying-again blog. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

I always promised I would try to be as honest as I can. The hard days really hurt and I have to show incredible vulnerability.

I just hope that someone reads this and realises it ok not to always be ok.

I think we all show the best of our lives on social media, and for some reason I am driven to show you the bad bits too.

I have no idea why I feel a calling to do this but I do. I’ve always said if I can help one person then it will have been worth it.

Also, selfishly, it allows me to process my daily mood swings.

I now know exactly what makes me tick.

I know that I need alone time to refocus.

I need silence to clear my noisy mind.

I need to control what I read, what I hear and quite honestly, who I listen to and who I spend my time with.

I need to surround myself with people who are good for my soul. People who bring out the best in me.

I love talking to strangers as you only get the best from them. So many strangers inspire me.

I avoid people who only talk negatively about others, as I find that drains on my energy.

I can read between the lines and trust my intuition implicitly.

You hurt me and I remember it for too long.

I hurt you and I never forgive myself, but I recognise that I have to do what’s right for me, and put myself first. I feel shame and forgive myself in cycles. I think of you often but I know that my life is better for me, this way.

I try not to talk about other people, I correct myself if I do, I try to see the best in situations and understand why people may act how they act.

I still get angry and blow my stack when things don’t go the way I think they should. I cringe at that but I recognise I do it because I care.

Hats what makes me tick.

I am incredibly empathetic but, finally, no longer put other people’s needs before my own.

That helps me too.

My life will always be a work in progress. (That’s a daft thing to say as everyone’s is… 😂😂 but you know what I mean!)

I have accepted who I am now.

I am proud of who I’ve become.

I still get upset on the down days (ironic!) but I mean that I beat myself up for it. I still have work to do on that.

So to everyone who’s been with me from the very start, for those who are just new, to those who dip in and out, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

It means the world when you connect with me, when you comment or message or tell me how you feel, or how you connect with what I’ve written.

It’s very good to talk.

I do it a lot 😂😂😂

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️