Ok so let’s be clear here, the version of me that booked a solo trip to Rome for this weekend, is most definitely not the version of me that woke up this morning.

There were tears while I was still lying in bed. Not just a wee tear, I wanted a good bubble.

What have I done? Why am I putting myself through this. Why am I so scared.

Despite booking what I thought was a central hotel, it seems that mine is a “little out of the way” so I will need to use public transport which so many people have told me not to use. I can’t get a taxi as they overcharge tourists, on the buses and the metro pickpockets will steal from you. If I’ve heard once about pickpockets and scammers, I could write a book on it!

We also know that while this is a possibility, the same can be said of anywhere, any city.

What does my anxiety do with all this?!? Build it up into a huge crescendo that ends in tears.

Why don’t I just cancel?

Because… I have to do this. I am not looking forward to it in the slightest and yet I know I will have a fantastic time, and wonder what all the fuss was about.

I’m nervous about the flight, I’m nervous about being on my own… she who LOVES her own company. I’m nervous about where I will keep my money and phone. I take a million photos, is someone going to pinch my phone out my hand? Do I carry a rucksack too as I’ll need suntan lotion and a hat. I’m nervous about how I get to, and find, the Vatican and the Colosseum for my tours. I’m nervous about where I will eat. I have cereal bars packed just in case. Of course I do! 😂

It’s exhausting…..

Poor Craig has been amazing this week helping with all my techy stuff. He’s organised all the chargers etc. and he’s tried to be excited for me, when he’s the one being left at home, then he gets the wailing Julie to have to console. Hard work eh?!

I’m writing this before work to try to get it out of my head.

I haven’t been living in the present moment at all this week. I even forgot to take my progesterone and change my HRT patch last night. I’m all over the place.

Breathe.

All those good words didn’t change my head as much as I’d hoped.

Work was good but the incessant rabbiting voice inside my head had not gone away.

A lovely Italian lady I used to work with has sent me her mobile number in case I’m stuck, she says she has family in Rome that would help me if I needed it. How lovely is that?!? Thanks Alice 😘

I also joined a solo female travellers group and one of the women has given me her number and suggested meeting for lunch one day. That might not work as both my tours are in the morning but again, how lovely of her to offer.

Yet still my head is screaming at me. If wants to be wrapped up in the drama of it all, the what ifs?

I said yesterday, my biggest problem is that I need time to relax and decompress on a daily basis and I haven’t been able to do that as there have been too many things needing done.

I’m sitting outside Viv’s Nails, waiting to get my toenails done, randomly booked for tonight, over a month ago. I feel the calmest I have done today.

How can this be my life’s dream… to travel and yet I allow it to cause me so much stress?!? Go figure.

My what ifs are bundled into some giant tornado.

If you told me you were going to Rome for the weekend, I would be so very envious. 😂

I have to just rip the band aid off and do this.

We can all sit and say I told you so when I’m bouncing around Rome tomorrow, loving the weather and the vibe.

I made another lovely dinner tonight from Planthood. Spicy Turmeric & Lemongrass Laksa With Rice Noodles, Crispy Oyster Mushrooms & Aubergine.

I have to say it was my least favourite. I took a photo with my favourite bush as a backdrop… as you do!

So that’s all from me. I’m sorry for all the drama this week but I’m telling it how it is. Most holiday posts just show the wonderful photos and not all the feeling behind it. i ladle it on!

Keep an eye on my FB and instagram pages but I’m going to do my best to soak it all up, once the fear has past! I don’t want to spend the whole weekend on the phone so I may not manage full blogs but I’ll see how it goes.

I will catch you all on the Italian side. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿✈️🇮🇹

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️