Day 958 first real day of holidays

It nice to have a day off work. To have no plans.

We slept through the Fit Body Farm this morning. Think we’re both exhausted after such a busy weekend.

I didn’t have much voice this morning when I woke up after shouting over the noise at the party and singing at the top of my lungs and way to much talking…. But do not fear because it came back, Craigie hasn’t had the luxury of a silent day. 😬😆

We took Abbie the Campervan back to the garage at 9am and walked back home from Glengarnock.

It’s a lovely morning but bitter. Hat and gloves for this first time.

I have Freya, I’ve just hidden her 😂 it’s more a photo of Craigie’s ass 😂 and me wearing his hat. 😂

This next one would have been amazing except for the power lines.

Gloves were off by the time we got home but it was a cold walk.

I got vouchers for Gro Coffee in Irvine from my Auntie Marion. Strike while the iron is hot, we have spent them already!

We had a lovely wee lunch. Look how pretty the food was.

It was super tasty too! I also had my custom coconut milk latte and Craig had posh diet coke!

We did not have a cake. Check us. We still have a house full of cake and regardless of what you might think when you might want cake… you CAN actually have toooooo much cake 🎂 😂

Forgot to share a really cool card I got from Kate and Jamie who live in the village. I love it!

So I’ve actually handled all this turning 50 malarkey, quite well. Age is just a number but this doesn’t feel as easy as 40 did.

I have had the best time despite wishing we were in the Maldives for a fortnight. We’ve seen so many lovely people and I’ve made some very special memories of my 50th.

The HRT is going fine despite losing a patch and having to plaster one down. Craig is the key to a plaster sticking. Any I’ve applied end up falling off.

I’m off the progesterone just now as it’s 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off, but I have to go back on it on Wednesday night.

I’m a bit nervous as it made me feel so low a few weeks back, but I need to take it.

“If oestrogen is the feed you use to grow a lawn, progesterone is the lawn mower that keeps the grass in check”. So my eloquent Doctor put it.

I’ve spoken to so many people this weekend about menopause. There are 34+ symptoms that are now attributed to peri-menopause or menopause.

All of these can be helped by replacing the hormones that we lose at this time of life.

It’s no less natural than taking insulin when you are diabetic or even for humans to drive in a car. It doesn’t matter what age you are. There are benefits from taking HRT that will help on later life. If you’re not sure, read up on it. You might be surprised.

In a stark reminder of my new age bracket, I’ve just received my bowel cancer screening kit. Craig’s lucky I won’t get him to help with this. 😆😂

It’s not even 3pm and I have my feet up, I’m listening to my birthday playlist on Spotify as I write this. I never got much chance to listen on Saturday.

I may have a nap.

Yet the garage phone just as I settled down…. Abbie is still wobbling despite having the passenger side drive shaft fitted. They need her overnight. They’ll drive her up on the ramp tomorrow….. the saga continues.

We are just watching the last ever episode of The Walking Dead. The end of a blood thirsty, zombie era. Who’d have thunk the blog would ever say those words?!?

I actually cried…. Way more than I should have. I’m just tired 🥱 😂

Hope Monday was ok for you.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 933 I am now “on” HRT (hormone replacement therapy for anyone who doesn’t know)

Last night 26th October 2022 at 6.30pm precisely I started HRT.

It’s funny that I’ve been thinking about and investigating this for a month now and the actual act itself is pretty underwhelming.

I took what looks like a plaster, out of a box, and stuck it on my back…. Well Craig stuck it on my back as I’m not sure how I’m meant to get round there and stick a plaster myself. I’m sure that will come.

My HRT clear, square patch is in place.

(I should say here that I am so grateful that I did it have to fight my GRP for it as so many women don’t even get to this stage).

I scan my body…… well actually I don’t exactly, I grab my crochet as I’m late and rush to the pub next door….. I grab and alcohol free gin and slimline tonic from the bar and sit with the girls with the biggest grin on my face, scanning my insides for any sign.

Nope…. There is none….. unless, can I feel the oestrogen flowing through my body?!? Nope…. but the more I think about it, the more I wonder what it might do the more oestrogen I get will I be ok will I feel funny oooh I feel a little dizzy…. Oh do I feel faint…. Keep smiling it’s totally fine, you’ve got this girl, you can do this, this is what your body needs… do I still feel faint, oh my god what if I pass out what if I can’t handle it then I’m stuck with these awful feelings forever….. keep smiling it’s ok keep breathing slowly calm down.

None of the ladies would have had a clue what was going on in my head, although I bet they read this and smile. I guess it sums me up at the moment and this is the next piece of the puzzle. This is the bit that needs to go. The overthinking, the anxiety, the nerves, the panic.

I manage to stay upright through crochet but I still feel nervous like I’m waiting for something….. I pretty much get straight into bed after 8pm when I’m home. Craig is watching the football.

I can feel this patch on my back like I have a china teapot stuck to the back of me. I lie against the pillow, should I lie on my side, my front, instead. Nope back is ok, will the electric blanket heat affect it, should I turn it off…. (There’s no punctuation in these internal monologues so I’m typing it like it comes out….. 😆)!

I relax a bit…… but now I have to negotiate the progesterone. I have to take two tablets before bed on an empty stomach and they will make me feel drowsy. The tablets are like tiny wee round balls. My first thought…. Well what could go wrong with that? You drop one and it goes bouncing across the floor only to be followed by my ball obsessed border collies…. Tennis balls 🎾 tennis balls 🎾

I fumble them out of the pack to try and ensure there’s no bouncing involved and swallow them both with water.

I lie there and go through pretty much the same dialogue as the above. Before it gets too crazy I switch out the light, pop my eye mask on and I’m off. (I digress but if you’ve never tried an eye mask then I can highly recommend one….. it’s transformed my sleep!)

6.20am I wake up……oblivious to Craig coming to bed last night and the fact he left Calaidh in with us. Not. A. Clue.

Quick scan. I still feel like me. Patch still in place. Now I have to have a shower with it on and make sure it stays there. Next “hurdle”.

As only I could, I overthink this to the nth degree and try to shower without getting my back wet. I’m in the most awkward shapes and postures…. Until I snap at myself and just get turned around and shower as normal.

It’s still there. I still feel like me. I’m still aware of this flashing beacon on my back but I try to ignore it as much as I can.

Let’s say ignoring a potentially life altering moment is not my strong point. 😬

I’m still nervous driving in the dark, on edge again this morning on the way into work.

Yet work is really good. We have a good planning meeting and everything seems a bit more clear in the un up to Christmas.

I have both jobs today though as I am in the little gift shop tonight as there is a private Christmas shopping party booked in. One of my friends daughters has booked the party so I’m chuffed I get to be there too!! Service with a big smile!

I’m also managing to squeeze in a wee half hour massage with Norma in Harmony before I head into the shop.

I’m tired just writing it all but despite it all, I feel good and still calm!

So have a lovely evening guys!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️