Day 1529 celebrating 2000 days alcohol free. ☕️☕️

If you knew me in my drinking years then I guess you are probably just as surprised by this, as I am. 😂

2000 days of my life without a drop of alcohol. Who’d a thunk it, as my Gran would say?!

I should say that Gran wouldn’t have had an opinion on my drinking at all… it’s just her saying … obviously 😂😘

I loved a good glass of wine.

For birthdays, holidays, Christmas, Hogmanay, a day off, a christening, a baby shower, a night out, a sunny day a good day…. And bad day, a worse day and to recover from the day before.

Any excuse.

I wasn’t much of a drinker until my mid 30’s.

I had always been a people pleaser. I did everything I could to make everyone else happy but inside I was a mess.

Trying to please a senior management team that were impossible to please.

Hiring a strong team who questioned (quite rightly) everything the senior management team said.

Being customer facing but putting the senior team before the customer.

None of that sat well with me and I tied myself in knots trying to be everything to everyone.

I loved nothing more than any excuse to have a drink. I would live for the time when it was socially acceptable to have a glass of wine. By then I was self medicating and really only drinking because I was bloody miserable in my working life.

It never occurred to me that I could just leave. I had such low self esteem that by then, I thought I was worthless.

I made everyone happy except for myself…. Until I started crying and didn’t stop for ages.

After being off sick from work for 4 months, I decided to try Dry January 2019. I was trying everything I could to improve my mood long enough to cope with work again.

I went back to work in January 2019, a shadow of my former self.

I was persona non grata, I was no longer invited to the senior management conferences, I was missed out of meetings. I no longer existed in that world. I disappeared off the radar again in May of 2019 and not many people noticed.

I was terrified.

I had lived for my work.

But still I did not drink.

I consumed my body weight in Cadburys Chocolate Buttons instead and put on 4 stone.

But still I did not drink.

I couldn’t go back to the euphoria then hangover scenario.

I needed to be in control.

I needed to give myself a fair shot at recovery.

It was the hardest thing I have ever done but the biggest gift I have ever given myself.

I felt strange, I felt sad, I felt left out, I felt weird, I felt uncomfortable in my own skin.

People tried to encourage me to drink, told me I was boring and asked how long it would last for.

And still I did not drink.

I owed it to myself.

I did give in on two occasions… the night the pub next door was forced to close, on 20th March 2020, due to COVID-19 lockdown and again on reopening on 25th July 2020.

I have no idea why other than I just wanted to fit in and feel normal again.

Instead I felt like shit the next day and was soooooooooo disgusted with myself.

So back on the wagon since July 2020 and life is no longer controlled by alcohol.

I cannot tell you how amazing it feels to wake up every day without a hangover and to have control over my actions. I am living my life in the present moment rather than clouded by booze.

Even after all this time, I still feel a bit strange and a bit odd at social occasions but I have some wonderful friends around me who help make that easier for me.

I’ve learned that I have real social anxiety which I had no clue about but hey, I face it with a clear head.

There’s no getting away from the tough things in life, no way of drowning it. I have to face it head on.

And still I do not drink.

I’m so proud of myself for sticking to this and giving myself the best chance in life.

It’s just become my new way of life, for now.

Stay safe everyone ☕️☕️☕️

Day 1429 1900 days without booze!

I honestly can’t believe that I have gone 5 years and 2.5 months without alcohol.

Look at the stats…. I have not consumed 820,000 alcohol calories. Wow!

Now I’m not naive enough to realise that those of you who are quite happy with your drinking, just won’t get this at all.

Not drinking is still considered a bit weird. Alcohol is used to celebrate EVERY life event, in fact it’s fundamental to every life event.

The world revolves around it. It’s not a holiday until you’ve had a drink at the airport, not a holiday without a cocktails, not a wedding without a toast, not a birthday without a boozy party…. If you don’t drink then you don’t really fit in.

I chose to stop drinking as I didn’t like the person I became when I drank. I felt out of control. My life revolved around it. I couldn’t wait for it to be socially acceptable to have a drink on day off work. I was always ready for the next glass of wine. It would calm me and relax me and take away the fact that I was incredibly unhappy at work. I was a burnt out people pleaser who had no people pleasing left in me.

The only time I was happy was when I had a drink as it numbed it all.

I’d been on anti depressants for years. All the while drinking away…. Managing hangover, shame, regret and trying to please everyone the next day. No one would ever have known how unhappy I was. I was the life and soul of the party.

And then I started to cry and didn’t really stop.

It took me 3 months of being off sick from work, before I decided to do something about it and started Dry January 2019.

In the middle of February I was asked to become admin of the FB group After Dry January and that group of people were fundamental in keeping me going. They made it all ok. I’ve never even met these people.

I’ve only had two slip ups… once when the pubs closed for lockdown and the second when they reopened…. I drank as fast as I always did and felt awful the next day on both occasions.

It’s not for me.

Apart from being socially awkward these days and feeling a bit uncomfortable in my own skin at times…. It’s THE best thing I have ever done. For someone who desperately tried to fit in, I’ve finally chosen to stand out.

I am finally free.

The early mornings are my favourite time. When I feel fresh and bright and ready to take on anything before everyone else gets up.

By the afternoon I’m quite happy with my feet up writing down what is going on in my head.

How my life has changed.

How funny that I’m celebrating 1,900 days on the day that so many people round the world are partying on St Patrick’s Day.

The Scottish Dog Behaviourist did a play on this today.

We got up early this morning and went for a family walk.

It was beautiful sunshine but the sky was so dark in front of us. The power lines add to it…

I had a super productive morning. I’ve done a washing and filled the dishwasher. We’ve been to the garage and filled my tyres with air, hoovered the car, done a quick food shop as I’ve run out of Planthood meals. All of this before 11am. (unfortunately still have a tyre warning light on my dash but that’s for tomorrow!)

I had an early lunch as I was hungry and then had a bath.

I’ve decided to have an early afternoon and chill out and relax. I’m really tired after the excitement and exercise of the last few days. It’s been a great weekend.

My mind is still all over the travel thing and make the most of life every day.

Long may this continue.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1401 who’d a thunk it and a roundup of stats!

On day 1359 I put out my blog as usual… the next day I called it day 1400 and only a few people noticed… I had NO idea why I had just jumped 40 days. Thanks to clever Rachel two doors down for making me realise I wasn’t crazy… on the 24 hour clock 1400hours comes straight after 1359!! Duh…. 🙄 😂

I usually do a stats roundup on the significant days of the blog. There was way too much to talk about yesterday. I still can’t get my head around the fact that I have written this for almost every single one of these 1401 days… give or take.

It helps my head so much.

It challenges my head on the days I can’t talk about something that’s really bothering me.

But most of all, it’s a blessing to be able to think through my day and make sense of it.

I’m feeling so much calmer after Kinesiology last week. We have taken the sting out of the urgency for change. I am back in alignment for now.

I have a great life. I have a lovely husband and 4 lovely dogs. We have a lovely house and live in a lovely village and I have the luxury of only working 4 days a week. I used to dream of that kind of freedom.

I used to dream of the job I would have and now I have it.

There are days when all of that implodes on me and creates so much stress that I just want to run and hide.

I expect FAR too much of myself and yet I’m proud of that as that is what makes me, me.

I have done all of this with the help of counselling and Kinesiology and the support of everyone around me.

And most of all because I refuse to give into it.

1,871 days without alcohol
1,271 days without anti depressants although always consider them when it gets bad
467 on HRT, not really sure what this has done for me but hey, I’ll keep on.
413 fasting, my newest fad ( I say that and I recognise I’m pretty committed when I settle on something 😂)

So why have I learned in the last 100 days… hmmmm I’ve had some tough days but still nothing like I experienced before. I think there’s always the fear that I will head back down there. Maybe I’m really not a fan of winter.

I’m not missing the van at all, that surprises me but also helps me to know I made the right decision selling her. I’m super excited to explore again in 2024 and I’m so looking forward to some sunshine.

I will miss campsites randomly…. There’s a lovely camaraderie between campers. I will miss that, just not enough to keep running a van. Sure I can get a wee tent if I miss it too much. 😂

I’m feeling really good today. Positive about the future. Grateful for everything that I have and grateful to finally be calm and not want to head for the hills.

I want to explore the whole world and experience the cultures everywhere. I know that I will get to do this and will enjoy every minute of it… it just doesn’t have to happen tomorrow.

So back to today… a run with Calaidh this morning in my new trainers. DRY FEET!!! Yay. Calaidh approves.

When I got home we went to Mocha Jak’s for brunch.

I had the Honey, Pesto & Walnut Avocado Stack which is new! It was really lovely.

Back home and Craig watched the football while I had a wee rest and watched some episodes of Manifest on the iPad, lying on the bed.

I then took Freya out a walk. She’s chuffed with the trainers too.

I did some training with her, she’s a good girl.

It’s been a lovely sunny day. It started to rain when I walked Freya but it’s the first day I’ve been out with a sweatshirt and a bodywarmer and not felt frozen. ☀️

So yeah, 1.401 days…. Bring it on the rest.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1372 a day with no plans!

Didn’t sleep well until after 3am.

My knees were gowping again. So painful. Both of them. Doesn’t help that he weather was pretty awful through the night so I think my knees and the wind (the outside wind! 😂) keep waking me up.

I put Biofreeze on both legs at 2.30am and I think that helped relax my thigh muscles, which seems to take pressure off my knees.

I never got out of bed until after 8am.

Storm Isha is on its way.

The forecast keeps changing but a few days ago it showed this…..

I have NEVER seen those numbers on my weather app…. It now downgraded to….

But look at what’s coming….

We’ve already lost a wee bit of chimney roughcast. Craig’s heard something “fall” through the night and we found it on the road this morning.

It’s really windy right through until next weekend. I’ve been Mrs weather forecast for the last few days 😂😂

So back to today…. Housework. About time too. Been gallivanting too much recently 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

I’ve changed the bed, done several washings, hung everything up to dry, hoovered everywhere and cleaned up all the muddy dog splashes on the walls and floor. The muddy dogs have only gone and covered my cleaning with muddy splatter but at least it was clean for 5 minutes. 🙄😂

I even cleaned the wood down the side of the stairs…. I couldn’t tell you the last time I cleaned that. 🤦🏻‍♀️ A job well done!

My right wrist and elbow are pretty sore too with tendinitis. I’m not letting it stop me though.

Craig and I then went to Curiosity coffee shop… his first time there and I had my mint oat milk latte. Loved it.

We then drove to Kilmarnock as Craig had a Specsavers appointment…. OR DID HE?!?!

Nope…. It would appear he did not 😂😂😂

His appointment is next Saturday… 🤦🏻‍♀️🙄😂 I’ll be dining out on that one for a while.

So we drove ALL the way home again. Popped into the pub with Khaleesi, for a quick alcohol free drink for two, Craig is making his Dry January look easy. He had and Erdinger 0% and I had 0% pink gin and slimline tonic. Leesi sat by the fire!

Nice to have a day to catch up on everything and bonus that Craig was here for the day too.

Have a great Saturday night.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1354 last day of the Christmas holiday & 5 years without drink!!

Another lazy day for me.

I really have to write down a list of things I could do when it’s raining and I can’t think of anything else to do!

I woke at 5 when someone’s alarm went off…. Randomly…. I was awake for an hour and went back to sleep until 10.20am!!!

10.20am. Unheard of.

I couldn’t wake up.

I was dreaming I was on my friend, Helen’s, roof down in Exmouth. I was with Cillian Murphy of Peaky Blinders fame and we were watching for the Aurora Borealis. I was showing him how he could view it through the phone…. Go figure. 🤦🏻‍♀️

No wonder I didn’t want to wake up. 😂

I have been a bit aimless again today but I’ve embraced it. I’ve enjoyed reading some more of Matthew Perry’s book.

Craig and I took all the dogs out for a walk and the heavens opened! I seem to have forgotten to take photos. It was really grey and damp looking.

I ordered a self care journal, recommended to me by my blogger Buddy The Windsor Waffle.

I feel I do need a bit of direction and I hope this will help. I wanted it in the bright sunshine yellow but it was sold out so I went for the rose gold.

I was happy not to set New Year’s resolutions but I don’t want to feel this rudderless again any time soon. I’ve not embraced it.

I’m excited to think about what I want from the coming months. I am not going to give in to January blues.

Today I also celebrate my 5 years without alcohol.

Have a good look at this. I used to be embarrassed by it but not now. I have saved £14,000 by not drinking. I have not consumed 787,800 calories that I might have consumed in alcohol!!!!

With hindsight it would have been nice to have that £14k sitting around to spend.

Actually as I think about that…. Maybe that money helped allow us to keep the house when I left the big job. That’s pretty fair to say I think.

I’ve found being alcohol free this Christmas, pretty hard. It’s felt a bit of a lonely place to be apart from New Year’s Day where I drank Coke Zero and didn’t bat an eyelid.

I still make such a big thing about it in my head. I feel hard done to that I have chosen this path…. But have chosen this for all the right reasons.

I need to make some peace with my sobriety and accept it as my way of life and stop banging on about it…. It’s become a bit all consuming. Except to celebrate my increasing years obviously!!

When I read that through… maybe that’s why I’ve been bored? We’re so used to drinking through the holidays that I’ve actually not been sure what else to do with myself…. Even after all this time. Maybe the self care journal will help with that. I’m so excited to get it… there are stickers!!! 🥳😊🥳

We’ve had a lovely steak pie dinner tonight.

A mahoosive plateful…. Calaidh’s eyes say it all! When there’s two of you, you share a steak pie…. I’m not sure how it would be enough for 4 people. It was super tasty but way too much pastry.

Craig made his own roasties, with goose fat. They were really good.

I also managed 25 out of 26 fasts 12 hour fasts in December. I’d signed up to do 12 lots of 12 hours! Yesterday I had to hit the button at 11 hours and 57 minutes…. I should have waited those 3 minutes but I forgot about the challenge. 😂😂

So back to work tomorrow. Always hate the end of a holiday but I’ve learned a lot about myself while I’ve been off. I’m looking forward to some routine again.

The salad is made already, in my new salad tub, ready to go. My clothes are all ready to go. My head is ready.

2024 here we come.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1342 reflections on my anxieties but we had a lovely evening 🎄🥰

It’s 11.07am and I am sitting on the couch with a freshly ground coffee (decaf!) in my lovely new glass that Claire gave me for my birthday.

We had a lovely evening but didn’t get home until 2am. 😳🤦🏻‍♀️😬 That’s unheard of for me! I managed to stay awake just long enough to drive home.

So in true Julie fashion, I’ll tell you some of the anxieties behind the lovely night.

We haven’t seen Craig’s mum and step dad for far too long so it was lovely to be going up to see them at their house. It’s always so festive!

This is how big the snowman ⛄️ is!

Craig’s mum always wants to see the dogs and I have HUGE anxiety taking them anywhere. So Craig obviously wants to take the dogs and his mum wants them to come. Am I the only one that thinks that’s a crazy idea?!?!

I always see the worst in them. I grew up with the children should be seen and not heard and I guess I think that my dogs should be the same… which they are most certainly not. They are dogs. (Obviously)

I can’t imagine why anyone would want 4 dogs running around their lovely Christmassy home…. As I write that I actually have a wee tear… how awful is that that I am ashamed of them?!? There’s hair and dirty paws…. I mean it was torrential rain for two solid days…. Then there’s the noise… especially when they get very excited. Four dogs are impossible for me to control in my total control world.

Maybe it’s time to let go of some of that control and relax a wee bit (no shit Sherlock!)

The dogs were amazing. Craig was amazing with them, as usual. ♥️

There’s a pattern in my life…. I expect the worst, worry so much in advance and it’s never as bad as I think. I don’t know that I’m worrying. I just chose the path of least resistance. I feel so much better these days but it’s because I’m avoiding certain things that have the potential to make me feel bad again. Wow wore tears. Honestly I can’t recommend journaling enough…. I had no idea what I was going to write when I sat down and all this profound stuff comes tumbling out.

Look at them…. ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

Craig’s mum had them literally eating right out of her hand. Bless. They followed her around whenever she moved. if you look to the right of her… Princess Cookie the Chihuahua is snuggled on her blanket on the couch! This is the first time Khaleesi has spent any time in anyone’s house. She loved being at her new Gran’s house 🥰

Calaidh and Bhru always love Grans.

We were sure there was someone out there?!?!

Yes the were muddy in the garden but Craig’s mum had a big rug at the back door that caught most of the muddy paws and Doug said any mud hoovers up fine the next day, when it’s dried.

We had a lovely dinner! Silverside roast beef and ALL the trimmings and then some.

Doug & Helen.

Cookie is a little overwhelmed.

She usually follows Calaidh everywhere she goes, but not so much this time. she wasn’t too impressed with Khaleesi joining their gang. She growled at Khaleesi a few times and Leesi got the message and jumped away.. it was quite funny to see. I still managed to get some Cookie cuddles! Tickle my tummy Auntie Julie 😂😂😘

A bit blurry but Calaidh sporting my Christmas cracker hat!!

Bless her.

I then had the anxiety of a foggy drive home in Craig’s mahoosive car at 2am. I used to take stuff like that in my stride. Not so much now. I was so relieved to get home…. Incident free obviously!

So…. This.

I think today is going to be all about the cosy blanket. I’m curled up on the couch with Calaidh at my feet. Bhru and Leesi are over on the other couch and Freya is lying on the floor. I’m so, so proud of them. And me… I’m pretty proud of me for figuring it all out.

Also I should say I hit my 1,800 days alcohol free on Thursday… kept forgetting to write about it.

For anyone who knows me, you will understand the true enormity of this. I loved a good drink… my life revolved around it. I need it to make me tick, I’d got into such a rut at work and I guess in life full stop. It was my one release. A chance to forget how dreadfully unhappy I was trying to please everyone except myself. As time went on it stopped numbing the pain and only added to the pain. The shame, regret, hangovers, blackouts.

Drinking is not for me.

It means I get to sit with the awkward, raw and uncomfortable emotions that I feel at times….. 😳😬

But most of all I get to be free.

Stay safe everyone 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

Day 1300 how did we get here already?!?

1300 days eh?? Who’d a thunk it?!

Since the end of March 2020 I’ve written an almost daily blog. I know I’ve missed a few but I never would have thought this would become such a big thing for me.

Writing helps me make sense of my day to day moods and thoughts. If it helps any one of you at the same time then it makes it even more worthwhile.

For some reason I feel compelled to talk about my life. I have no idea why but I will keep going for as long as it feels right.

So let’s start with a wee stat catch up… love me a good stat!

1,760 days without alcohol (look at how much money I have apparently saved?!?!)
1,171 days without antidepressants
367 days on HRT
313 days fasting

It’s amazing how the days add up.

No longer self medicating with alcohol is the best gift I have ever given myself.

I know that so many of you will not understand this. I’m not sure I ever really understood a non drinker when I actually drank.

Sadly alcohol is still the only socially acceptable drug where people will try to force you to take it.

“go on just have a drink”

It’s only socially acceptable when your drunken actions are considered cool or funny. The minute you overstep any of the unwritten rules, big drinkers will drop their own like a hot potato.

Sadly today saw the death of Matthew Perry, Chandler, of Friends fame.

He struggled with addiction. In recent years he’s said that he can’t watch himself on Friends without seeing the time when he was on opiates, struggling with alcohol or high on cocaine. He wrote this…

I would like to think that we remember his legacy of trying to help others with addiction, while struggling with his own.

I never thought I was addicted and certainly was nowhere near, what we would consider, an alcoholic. I hated the person that alcohol made me become. I hated the things I did. It was not good for me.

I was an extroverted extrovert. Who knew that stopping drinking would reveal that I’m actually pretty introverted. I am still an extrovert with the right people and the right chat…. But most of the time I am happy in a quiet room with my words.

I have changed SO much. I am no longer motivated by possessions.

If I’m honest I think I spent most of my life being what I thought I was meant to be. So let’s think that through slowly… I didn’t have the self worth that being me, was enough.

I wanted whatever YOU wanted, I listened to the music that YOU listened to. I bought the things that YOU bought. I had no likes and dislikes of my own. I’ve realised I have very simple tastes but I was embarrassed by that.

I also NEVER wanted the big job. I left school and went to Uni because all my friends did. I picked Business Studies because I never had a “thing” or a passion for anything.

I guess I do regret some of my life decisions but I am so grateful that I got to see the true meaning of life, in my lifetime.

Taking each day as it comes… appreciating the beauty in every moment of every day.

Being kind to others as often as possible.

I try not to think badly of people…. If I do, I at least try to realise why they are acting as they do. I refuse to believe that anyone upsets or hurts anyone deliberately. I try not to judge others. We all have our own hardships and lives to live.

Through judging, we separate. Through understanding, we grow.

I always try to see things from other people’s point of view.

Anyway, I’ve done lots of clearing out today again. I’ve chucked out another 3 bags of rubbish or things for charity.

I also met Gayle at Mocha JaKs for a long awaited catch up. We had a lovely cake and coffee/tea and talked the hind legs off a donkey. 2 hours of non stop chat! It was great to meet up.

And finally, thanks to everyone who reads this! Friends, family and friends that I have never even met. Thanks for all of your comments and kind words and thanks to those silent readers too. Occasionally I realise that you are there.!

To be fair I’d keep writing this to an empty house but the comments keep me spurned on. You help me on the bad days and you celebrate the good day.s (oooh that brought a wee tear!) thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1202 the day after Scot and Elly’s wedding!! 👰🏻‍♀️🤵🏻💍

We finally got home around 1.20am yesterday and straight to bed. It’s 13.55 and I’ve done nothing except sleep and edit some photos to send to Elly.

What an amazing wedding!!! Elly had planned it to a T and the entertainment at dinner was just outstanding. 😋

There was a guy playing the piano all through the day and by the main course, we were all singing along to his well known tunes. It was lovely to hear one table start to sing and others quietly join in… as the meal went on, the singing got louder and it was just a lovely atmosphere.

Then all of a sudden a “waiter” drops a tray of cutlery… (just as dessert is being served!) pics up a mic and starts singing opera, as he walked around the room. The atmosphere was electric. Then a second “waiter” joins in with some more recent hits and they ended with Nessun Dorma and my skin is in goosebumps even now, writing about it.

It was just spectacular!!! Unlike anything I’ve ever seen before and it was truly one of the best weddings I’ve ever been too.

The food was exceptional too. I had Goats Cheese Tart to start, with a chicken and haggis in a cream sauce for mains and Sticky Toffee pudding with white chocolate profiteroles for dessert. It was expertly served and piping hot.

There was the best sweetie table at night which was literally the gift that kept on giving!

If you read yesterday’s blog you would have realised what an amazing day it was! But…. Never start a sentence with but…. in true Julie fashion there was an undercurrent of unrest. 😬

I didn’t feel anywhere near as comfortable as I may have looked.

First things first.

I wasn’t 100% in my £26 outfit from top to toe. I’d been so proud of that in the run up. Less so, on the day. Everyone looked so stunning, they’d either had makeup or hair done, I just felt a bit “hame-knitted” as my Grandad used to say… roughly translating as a bit thrown together. Now… I’m not saying this so you tell me how lovely I looked… it’s not about what anyone says, this is about how I feel and how I make sense of it. 😬

Secondly, it is my choice to be sober… if you want to call it that. I don’t like the person that I become when I drank alcohol. My relationship with Craig is way better with me off the booze. My life is calmer, more predictable, easier.

That does not mean that it’s easy.

It’s bloody hard at times and that was my first sober full day wedding. I’ve learned to get through social occasions with 0% alcohol free drinks because it makes me feel the same as everyone else, for some reason. Go figure.

As I write that I think for gods sake, stop being such a child…. but there’s a huge market of 0% drinks out there and I just thought there would be more choice. Was I jealous of everyone else drinking… maybe? Did I feel left out… well, yes… my choice but still tough.

I was offered Heineken 0% beer or Seedlip and I didn’t want either of them. I didn’t want to stand with a beer as I’ve never been fan of beer….. I did take a Seedlip but it’s not my favourite. 😬

I reckon that I’ve always felt a little awkward in big social situations. You wouldn’t think that if you’ve been with me (well except for yesterday maybe 😂😂😂) I think drink used to help me feel more confident. For some reason 0.% fizz, wine or gin gives me that same confidence. Ridiculous really.

I know I over chatted on this. I know I kept going on about it. When you struggle to make conversation, you go to the easiest thing. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I do anyway. I know it was not what anyone wanted to hear. I think it’s fair to say if you do still drink, you don’t really understand what the fuss is about 0%.

I went to reception to ask if they could get me anything else. Yup, I was that person… Offered to pay for full bottles and corkage if need be. The bar manager was lovely and got on the case.

I’ve written about this in the alcohol free FB group that I am joint admin for. A good few of the members agree that they’ve felt the same in similar situations. Getting on a “high horse” about the lack of options. We feel hard done to as a group. It’s still not socially acceptable to be a non drinker at a drinking function. The assumption by bar staff that Coke and Irn Bru are non alcoholic drinks.

I feel VERY uncomfortable writing about this but my head needs to let it out. I cannot tell you enough how wonderful the wedding was. ♥️ This is so just going on in my head and unfortunately, for the few who had to listen, spilling out my mouth.

By dinner I had settled into my Appletiser which they very kindly put on the table for me.

By the evening reception I had 0% Rosé and all was well with the world.

Learnings from this. Lower your expectations and assume it will be soda and lime, Appletiser or other fizzy drinks and anything more than that is a bonus.

Stop alienating folk who drink by going on about it.

Most of all be damn proud that despite it all, I didn’t just drink to fit in. I sober danced my heart out and night and for anyone who’s done it, you’ll know that you really have to think to sober dance! The vibe does not just flow naturally. I danced my socks off and had the best time doing it. I’m also so very grateful I have the best dancing husband. He never sits down when I want him to dance. He heard me yesterday. He gets it and he said it was ok. We have our ups and downs but his support yesterday means a lot.

Now as I sit here I wonder whether to put this out or not. Sometimes the worst vulnerabilities show others that life is not just all about the lovely smiling photos. Why do I feel so compelled to put myself out there like that?!?!

We’ve just had a lovely visit from our friend Lindsay and it’s half 3 already. I’m out the back in shorts and T-shirt and having a chill out. I’m just going to read this one more time and go for it. Warts and all…. Edit: there are no warts 🤦🏻‍♀️😂😘

Just a little messed up me at times.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1160 ROADTRIP to Dundee with Gayle! 🚘☀️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

My fresh clean bed came at a cost last night…. Making the bed up, in a hot bedroom at 1am…. No one wants to do that do they?!?!

It seems there was a spectacular thunderstorm here last night, with torrential rain and we missed it all. There were only a few big spots up at my in-laws last night, about a 45 minute drive away.

It was such a lovely party yesterday. 🥳🎉🎊

Now… if you read the blog…. You will know that, for me, a large gathering of people is among my list of things to be slightly dreaded. Call it a party and I’m 😵‍💫

And yet, as with all things I think I will dread, I end up having a really lovely time.

Being alcohol free at my in-laws is actually very easy. They have always catered for my non alcoholic choices. After 4 and a half years, I finally feel proud and confident of my choices. I have chosen not to drink because it makes me a better person… I no longer feel jealous of other people who haven’t made that choice. It’s my decision and I’m happy it’s the right one for me.

I had a lovely time. I had great chats, felt completely at ease small talking and was so chuffed I got to meet Isobel who often comments on my ramblings and yet I’d never met her. She is definitely my kinda person ♥️

Fast forward to a little woof at 6am this morning!!! 5 hours…. 🥴 I let them out and then we all went back to sleep until 8.30am. That’s more bearable.

So since then I’ve sat in the garden, writing this, I’ve done an Asda food shop for delivery and I’ve tried to fix the battery life on my iPhone…. Having a lovely wee morning to myself in the cloudy sun.

Gayle is picking me up in an hour for a visit to a supplier in Dundee today so I best go and get ready!!!

It turns out we were actually heading to Fowlis which was just outside of Dundee.

We had a lovely wee ROADTRIP and got to see some lovely new stock for Gayle’s shop. Isn’t funny how my phone always screams ROADTRIP in capital letters theses days?!?

It was great to be able to see the new stock for autumn/winter and of course have a wee fashion show!

I wonder if there’s a job for a hat and scarf model going?!? I seem to have the same selfie grin every time 😂 not very versatile.

The stock is all on show in the rep’s front room. It was a beautiful house!! We had tea, coffee and biscuits while we browsed and I helped Gayle to spend her money. 😂

The sun was back out for our drive back. It’s hot again today but it feels very hot for us. Like rain and thunder might not be far away.

The country roads on the way back to the motorway were lovely.

Crossing over the River Tay. All I could think about was the procession when the Queen’s body left Balmoral for the final time and driver over this bridge. Very poignant.

We passed Stirling Castle which looked very splendid on top of its hill.

The only traffic we hit was coming back into Glasgow of course. Caught this plane flying right overhead on approach to Glasgow Airport.

I’ve had the best wee day doing something completely different. I’m back in shorts and vest top, our in the garden with an alcohol free San Miguel which is very lovely. It’s sweaty hot but I’m persevering. The house is a state but, when you live in Scotland. You have to make the most of any minute of sunshine… we never know when the next sun might shine!

Also just realised we only have two weeks of work left before our summer holiday… please, please, please let this sunshine last!!

Stay safe everyone ☀️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿☀️

Day 1156 dog jog, work and crochet, almost all in the sunshine! ☀️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿💙

It’s been another lovely day after yesterday’s clouds. We didn’t see the sun until about 3.30pm yesterday. When it came out, it was HOT!

Sorry for such a quick blog yesterday, I just ran out of day! I literally never stopped from 5.30am until about 10pm. I was so full of “birthday tea” when I went to bed, that I ended up waking at 4am. My mind started racing, the birds were twittering away and I couldn’t get back to sleep.

I got up and did everything backwards this morning!! I made my lunch, had a shower and then headed out for dog jog?!?! Go figure…. A run after my shower?! 😂 not my smartest move but hey… I’m tired.

Mid jog, I stopped to show you how tall the cow parsley is growing!! Absolutely nothing to do with taking a breather….. 🙊

They had a good run around in the field this morning too.

There’s also lots of these lovely yellow iris’ along the side of the field, so pretty. There’s a lot of them in the wild just now.

I loved this Hawthorne tinged pink!

I can’t tell you how guilty I feel when I head to work and leave these 3 wee faces. They’re used to Craig being here on and off through the day. They get under your feet as you leave, as if to the and trip you up!

Please don’t go mum!!

So the Scottish Dog Behaviourist is actually home tomorrow, finally! It feels like he’s been away for weeks! He’s had a great time, done loads of training and learned loads but think he’s ready to get back to our 3 amigos. He’ll certainly miss the 5 dogs he’s leaving in Spain too.

He’ll be home tomorrow morning just as I get to work, so our lovely friend Lindsay will pick him up and bring him home.

So I’m off to crochet tonight in the pub…. Alcohol free gin and tonic for me! We’ve not met up in ages so I’m looking forward to seeing everyone. It is just the other side of the fence from where I’m sitting just now so not too much of an effort. Guess I should actually take my crochet this week and get back into it, or that blanket will never finish itself!

Current view through my crossed legs!!!

Stay safe everyone ☀️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿💙

Day 1144 another sunny day back at The little gift shop 🎁🎁

Out for the count all night last night again. Have slept so well after all the exercise and chatter this week. 😆

It’s 6pm and I am shattered tonight. I feel like I have hit a wall!!

I’m sitting in the garden, in the sun. Dinner is on but poor Craig is still at work!

I started the day with a dog jog, first time in, what feels like, ages.

It wasn’t as sunny as I expected, but it was warm.

This field has been freshly cut.

The hawthorne bushes are in full bloom. It’s a lovely time of year.

The cow parsley is also in full bloom at the sides of the road, replacing the daffodils.

There was something seriously interesting to sniff here.

The dogs love a munch of the grass at the side of the road. The Scottish Dog Behaviourist did a post about that today.

Please give him a follow for lots of hints and tips on his FB page. He’s up at 481 followers and I’d love to get him over 500!

Scottish Dog Behaviourist

It doesn’t matter where you are in the world, doesn’t have to be Scotland! 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

So there were lots of new deliveries in the shop today. I’m always excited to see what’s new in.

For the first time in ages, I treated myself to a wee bracelet. I think I’ve done pretty well working there and not buying anything!

Surprisingly, contrary to popular belief, I am still able to chat plenty, it would appear and had a great catch up with Gayle. Who’d a thunk it?!?!? 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

So I’ve just had dinner and I’m sitting outside with a 0% Birra Moretti.

The sun is hot but the breeze is cold. The forecast for next week is amazing!! Us Scots should get enforced holidays when the temperature gets over 20°C as it happens so rarely.

I forgot to take a photo of the lovely roses Craig picked up last week.

They look lovely on the new dining room table…. New to us that is.

Hope you all enjoy some decent weather this weekend.

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️