An empty in Scotland is an excuse for a partyā¦ it usually means your parents are away when youāre a teenager so you can get all your mates round for a seshā¦..
She who doth not drink and craves solitude sees this as the oppositeā¦ a chance to squirrel away, sit in silence, preferably in the sunshine obviously, with the two puppers I have left. Bhruic and Freya.
And relaxā¦
Craig is away to and Overland Bound weekend and it was either we all go and try to manage 3 dogs around everyone else or I stay home and he takes Calaidh. So Calaidh is away on her holidays.
I went back to the Fit Body Farm this morning. There were only 5 of us today and it was raining but the rain was really refreshing. After Tough Mudder any rain is nothing. š¤£
I can straight home and took Calaidh out for a walk so Craig could finish packing. I have her a good run so sheās tired out for the drive. It was really murky and misty.
Coo!
You can see the cloud hanging over the Garnock Valley.
There are raindrops hanging from all the roadside weeds.
Thought this grass looked really atmospheric
Calaidh thought it was tasty!
As usual I took loads of photosā¦.
This wee guy sat still while we walked past. No fear of Calaidh.
This next wee cutie was terrified of Calaidh and she was determined to find it!!!
Back home and saw Craig and a wet and soggy Calaidh off.
I then did the housework and got the house just as I want it for the weekend and then took Bhruic and Freya out. No pics as I met my neighbours so ended up chatting. By this time the sun is thinking about coming out.
Iāve done 4 loads of washing. Itās 3pm and the sheets are already back on the bed. This is the best drying day ever. Sunny and windyā¦ I hate the wind but Iām allowing it for today. Iām using a new fabric softener so the washing smells lovely.
I must talk about the weather as the UK is experiencing an unprecedented heat wave and the following shows the temperature expected next week.
My lovely mum and dad are in a caravan right about where the 40 isā¦.. š„š„š„
We are expected to hit 26Ā°C on Tuesday which is pretty unheard of for us. I will be spending that mostly in a metal portacabin down in Dundonaldā¦ā¦ š„š„š„
I would just like to point out that I just found out how to do the Ā° symbol todayā¦ my life is complete š¤£š¤£š¤£
Our summer has been pretty dreadful so itās nice to see some heat coming. I just hope that Mum and Dad stay as cool as they can and that everyone is safe.
There is no denying global warming despite what some politicians try to tell us.
Sorry have to goā¦. Another washing playing a tune demanding attention!
Iāve had Claire into the garden for a cuppa and I managed to negotiate a lovely dinner in her house since Iām on my own. To be fair, I didnāt do any negotiatingā¦. I just had to say yes!
Thanks to my lovely friend Anne for this next one. Iām gonna do this all weekend.
Didnāt sleep well last night so yawned for half the morning today. Soooooo sleepy!
I got into a task at work that I really enjoyed so felt I really achieved something today which was good.
We ended up at Decathlon after work today as Craig needed a new camp bed as heās going away for the weekend and leaving meā¦. š¤¦š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļøš¤£ how many times have I gone away and left him?!? It was a nice wee random trip out on a Thursday. Why is it Decathlon is the kind of place that you feel you canāt live without every single thing that they sell (apart from the football and horsey stuff!) I am proud to say I bought nothing.
We were up close to Braehead Shopping Centre in Glasgow so we popped to Ernest Jones the jeweller to speak to them about my engagement ring diamond which has slipped from its setting for a third time.
Now Iāve obviously had my engagement ring for a good old while nowā¦.. the stone was sat at an angle for years and years and years before I did anything about it. I paid Ā£175 in 2019 and Ā£188 in 2021, to have it reset and itās gone again.
Itās the hardest thing in the world to walk away from your engagement ring and leave it with someone elseā¦.. but I did. Again š±š±š±š±š±š±š±
Anywayā¦. Iāve been a lot less emotional today. I feel like I at the next stage of my healing journey where I have to stop playing the victim and take some responsibility for why I am where I am right now.
It is all in my head.
I manifest my anxiety. I create the whirlwind, tornado of emotion all by myself.
I have a lovely friend on FB who I have never metā¦. Cheryl-Lynnā¦. She lives in the States and was a huge part of my early sober journey and we āmetā in the After Dry January FB group that Iām admin for. Sheās on a very similar journey to me.
She posted some clangers today that hit me between the eyesā¦..
Wowā¦.. itās painful but itās so true šNow I do check myself at timesI think Iām pretty good with boundaries now I still have a fair ways to go with this one
I create my anxiety.
I create my own stress.
Iām laughing here as some of you are probably having a wee chuckle thinking no shit Sherlockā¦ sheās finally sussed it. š¤¦š»āāļøš¤£
I can choose not to. š¤š³š¤Ø
I took a huge intake of breathe there as Iām still not sure how to actually do thisā¦.. but I need to work at it and stop being the victim.
I need to distract myself, I need to breathe when I feel it coming on.
Iāve known all of this a long time but I finally realise my responsibility to fix it. No one else is going to.
I feel a bit down about various things just now. All within my own ability to change.
Big sigh again but takes bull by the horns and says letās ride this waveā¦.. ?!?!?! That made me laugh, what a load of twaddle.
Yup you guessed it, a day of thought kind of means it wasnāt all rosy in the garden and full of joyā¦ š
I was late in bed last night (for me!) and I dreamt I was off to auditions that I hadnāt prepped for and everyone else seemed to have rehearsed and knew what was happening. I was wandering around in fear that I didnāt know what they did and how would I cope. Their fancy dress was almost way better than mineā¦ā¦ š³
So where on earth did they come from?!?! Maaaaaaaaybe kinesiology?
I usually feel very calm and relaxed afterwards but this session has shunted me into a period of self reflection. No one ever said healing was pleasant. Itās a hard bumpy rideā¦
One of the focus points last night was on two wordsā¦. Translucent and miserable.
Translucent slaps me in the face. I write a daily blog therefore my life is translucent. Everyone (if they chose to) can see how I feel on a daily basisā¦. Why do I do this?!?!
Well first of all I wanted to help others see that not everyoneās life is as it seems on social media but Iāve talked about that beforeā¦.. what I have realised over last night and this morning is that I need to get this out there so that I can manage other peopleās expectations of meā¦..
Now letās think that throughā¦. First of allā¦ who are these others I talk of?!? Just everyone reallyā¦. Secondly, why would anyone have expectations of me?? Am I that important? Noā¦.Even if they did why am I so worried about what their expectations are??
I use the blog as as tool to manage my anxiety. If you know how sensitive and fragile I am then you will treat me with kid gloves and make my life easier. You wonāt put obstacles in my way and I wonāt be letting anyone down because you will all understand.
That is the actual reason that I started writing this blog. Wow.
I am trying to manage my daily interactions in life at the highest level possible.
When you have anxiety you imagine every single scenario that could happen, but most likely will never happenā¦. Iāve noticed at work recently I am struggling to make decisions as I can imagine everything that might go wrong with every decision I make. Iām second guessing myself all the time. I trust othersā judgement way more than my own.
Why do I have such a bad opinion of myself? Where did it come from and why do I need everyone to know exactly how i am feelingā¦. Yet equally try to hide from the world when Iām out there.
Now thatās gonna take a lot more work.
I am way happier with myself than I have ever been. I feel like Iām finally back to my true authentic self. I donāt hide anything any more.
Uh ohā¦ā¦ yupā¦. I canāt argue with that. I am choosing to see anxiety in everything I do.
Thatās feels unfair as I feel physical symptoms at times but I do know that itās created in my own head. Doomsday. āWe worry about the day we never sawā. i have to learn to look for the alternative.
What is so wrong with me that I feel the need to apologise to everyone in advance. Iāve also been shovelling sweet junk food recently trying to cheer myself up for something thatās not sitting right with me.
Jeez I am hard work and itās no wonder I get tired. š¤¦š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļøš¤£
When I walk the dogs I am constantly analysing the path in front of me for other people or dogsā¦. I have a radar. I do not relax.
EXACTLY the same in my day to day life. A radar out detecting potential threats that may knock me off course or upset me. I am trying to control every aspect of my life.
My head has been in a tailspin today. overthinking, analysing, worryingā¦. And itās made me pretty sad. Iāve felt quite miserable at timesā¦. Thereās the link to Translucent and Miserable. š³
I realise most of this might sound crazy but it all makes so much sense to me.
Itās no wonder I used to knock back the vino after a day in my head. I now have to sit with it, mull it over and journal of it to make some sense of it to allow me to heal from it. itās not funā¦. But without it I wonāt change anything. If change was easy, everyone would do it.
I really need to learn not to put myself down quite so muchā¦
Thanks for reading this farā¦. š¤·š»āāļø Iām off to meet the Crochet Hookers with a T-shirt on that says
Itās 7.11pm and Iāve not sat down yetā¦ this will have to be a quickie. š
Of course I lay awake for hours waiting on work and I was fine! so much for taking it easy thoughā¦. šš¤£
Home for 4.30pm and into the village pub for 5pm celebrating 15 years of our lovely friends owning it!
Craig said yesterday that I keep talking about neighbours and of course our neighbours are actually very good friends nowā¦. He has a very good point!
This photo shows our own private view of the pub from our garden.
Itās 7.15 now and Iāve just spent a few lovely hours in the beer garden catching up with everyone. It was really lovely and unexpected on a Tuesday night. Iāve no photos as I was too busy eating š poor Craig is working and missed it!
Itās a lovely evening. Itās still warm and it was nice to put something a bit smarter on than the jammies Iāve been living in the last few days.
Itās so lovely to feel better. ā„ļø
The roses look beautiful in the sunshine
Now I have online Kinesiology at 7.30 so Iām sitting outside writing like fury as I throw balls for el doggos! They need a good run around before I shut them in the house again.
Better dash, got 2 minutes till my zoom meeting starts.
Well that was a quick COVID round 2 but it knocked the stuffing out of me.
I say this writing on the couch with my feet up, exhausted and yet planning to go back to work tomorrowā¦ how much of that is caused by having done nothing all weekend?
Oh really, thatās good then?!? Surely if I was infectious Iād be positive?!? š
Itās that limbo between feeling better but not sure if you are better enoughā¦ only one way to find out. Iām hoping that work helps me wake back up again.
To be fair, I wouldnāt be going if I didnāt think I could. Thereās some spark of positivity there!
The guidelines are such that implies I stay home another day but Iām negative and everyone else is running about out there not testing anymore so I donāt suppose Iām causing any issue. ššš¤£
The magazines honestly have been a godsend. Iāve done more crosswords todayā¦ badly as Craigās been at work! Iāve slowly started to climb the walls so thatās how I know Iām readyā¦.
Strangely my negative resulted coincided with Craig needing picked up from the garage. That was a complete fluke but of course I drove to pick him up. Everything moves past you pretty fast when youāve moved at a snails pace since Thursday!
So I have nothing else to report today. Found loads of things to share so will get on with that!
So I do want to talk a bit about the next oneā¦.
This next photo of me was taken less than 3 months before I fell apartā¦..
This was the side of me I chose to share with everyone yet inside I was a terrified mess. I was falling apart at the seams and I couldnāt keep it together.
Tested negative less than an hour ago outside the front door, still in the same jammie bottoms as yesterday. š ok funny weird grin but if you had to pick youād say the top photo was the happy one. Thatās the fake smile, hide everything smile and I wore that like a badge for most of my life.
Now I wear my heart on my sleeve and share it all. Even the dirty hair š
Rangers were playing Sunderland last night and I couldnāt be bothered watching the gameā¦ (just as well I didnāt as it stopped after half time after transmission and lighting issues!). I went through to the bedroom and started to read.
Next thing I remember was Craig coming to bed to try and get me under the coversā¦ (not in that wayā¦š) and it was dark outsideā¦. straight back to sleep and woke after 8am!! Wow. Musta needed it šš¤£
I was really foggy this morning when I got up but Iāve been out in the fresh air todayā¦ albeit still in my jammies. Classy.
Itās been so beautiful. Definitely the hottest day in Scotland this year.
Iām still bunged up, Iām really tired but canāt sleep, weak and dizzy and Iāve done nothing all dayā¦.. the magazines from yesterday have been a godsend.
I donāt have a lot of concentration so a bunch of short stories hit the mark! I have actually done a few word searches and crosswords today. Itās helped focus my head, passing the time and keeping me away from scrolling through Facebook all day.
Craig went for more magazines and he has literally waited on me hand and foot! Breakfast, lunch and ššš still waiting on dinner. š #jokesā¦.I have been very lucky. Heās way better at cooking than I am. Iām very lazy in that department. Iād happily eat a bag of crisps or chocolate buttons for most meals especially when I feel rotten.
Iām hoping he stays covid-free so I donāt have to return the favour. Toasties all round Craigie. š¤£
Had a lovely call from Mum and Dad from their holiday. They called just as I was served my Korean Chicken Noodle lunchā¦. š
Had to send Dad a photoā¦.
Weāve had a giggle today, mostly at my expense, but itās been nice. The dogs are apparently talking about how Iām putting it all onā¦ that Iām just lazy. šš
It would also appear that Craig is way better at crosswords than I amā¦ who knew?!? My new found lack of interest in all things news worthy means I pretty much know nothing of current affairs š¤¦š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļøš¤£. Weāve had a laugh at how little I knowā¦. š¤·š»āāļø
Claire from next door has just appeared over the fence with a book from her holiday and two ice lollies.
These are Morrisonās The Best Valencia Orange lolliesā¦. So lovely and helped my throat. I really do have the best neighboursā¦ and husbandā¦. Now whereās dinner?!?
Hereās my current view šš¤£
Iāve allowed myself to rest today and Iāve felt none of the agitation I felt yesterday. I listened to my body and my mind shut up for a change. Itās so lovely when it does that. Peace.
Oh manā¦ be prepared for a self centred whinge this morning. Actually Iām writing this more for me so that I can make sense of how I feel and stop beating myself up for itā¦ šš¬
First of all I want to say a huge thank you to another village angelā¦ Michelleā¦ š there was a chap at the door last nightā¦. (Thatās no a manā¦ itās a knock!)
My idea of heaven when youāre sick! I burst into tears and Craig had two bowls out faster than I could take them out the bag. I allowed him some Monster Munch. š
Iām just putting this out there but today would be so much better with Ā£1M deposited in my bank account. (Sits back and waits for it to happen?!?) š¤·š»āāļøšš¤£
No seriously, so very kind, that meant so much to me. Iāve saved the Buttons for my treat today. Maoam already gone. š
I think the cold is a bit better today. The fizzy nose still going strong and the sneezes, when they come, are quite spectacular. Itās the level of dizziness and exhaustion that are the worst and sore aching muscles.
Crazy to think that this time last week I was wallowing in Tough Mudder mud rather than self pity.
Itās a lovely day today and in my head Iāve already āwastedā a day of my weekend. Craigās out all day working and thereās so many things I feel I āshouldā be doing.
Itās that word againā¦. āshouldāā¦. I donāt have to do any of it. I managed to put a washing in and then came back for a lie down. I exhausted but canāt sleep. I donāt have the energy to read or watch a movie and I keep scrolling through FB which is not helping me at all so I thought Iād ramble in my sloth like state. (Jeez even I cringed at that one!) The crochet hook feels too heavyā¦. Yeah get over yourself girlā¦
Iāve mentioned recently that I have long since stopped comparing myself to others. I donāt try to keep up with anyone any more and just do my own thing. Yet I feel like life is passing me byā¦ so in reality I still am comparing myself (yeah ok Craig, you can pay yourself on the back as you keep telling me that š¤£)
I think the pandemic allowed me to recover while everyone else stayed home and did similar things. Now the world has opened back up, I see people doing things I donāt want to do and yet I still feel envious. (Fizzy nose sneeze!)
I want to be out and about and seeing the world and it seems everyone else in the whole wide world is. ā no theyāre notā¦ itās just FB shows you that.
Everywhere else has blue skies and scorching sunshine ā again just what youāre seeing on FB.
Everyone seems to have loads of money to enjoy themselves. ā nope.. everyone is feeling the pinch just now.ā¦ just not posting it on FBā¦. o
OH MY GOD STOP LOOKING AT BLOODY FACEBOOK!!!!
Hits nail on the head one more time.
Thereās a real sense of calmness comes over me when I get to the bottom of why I feel bad. Iāve been sitting here in tears this morning feeling sorry for myselfā¦ ooh there she goes again. š„¹
How would you talk to anyone else? Anyone catches covid and you tell them to rest, relax, listen to your body (NOT YOUR MIND!)
So Iāve spent the day snoozing and reading. At 2.30pm I decided I would try a bath and actually thatās helped a good bit once I got over the āone minute itās scalding hot, next minute itās freezingā bath fill. š
I got it right in the end but the water was almost up to the top. It was actually the perfect bath although a crane would have helped to get me back out.
Iāve got fresh jammies on and Iāve put a seat outside in the fresh air to clear the cobwebs.
Iāve just been to the door for a delivery and found another secret stash!!!
Didnāt hear anyone and not 100% certain who itās fromā¦.. exactly what I needed as I just finished that book. I am so very lucky to have such caring neighbours. I must pay all of this forward.
I was about to write, day 2 downā¦. but it is only 3.30pmā¦ šš gonna make a coffee and read a mag and marvel at some blue sky for a change.
When I can get out of my own head there is so much to be grateful for even when youāre not well.
Between you and Iā¦. Iāve been a bit worried about my low mood these last few days. From bouncing all weekend after Tough Mudder to deeply lethargic these last few days. I was worried I was having a bit of a slump.
I started sneezing on Wednesday but assumed it was hay fever and yesterday I hugged the tub of Vicks VapoRub at my desk.
Last night I felt exhaustedā¦ really wiped out. I wanted to walk the dogs after work but just felt I didnāt have the energy. I felt tearful that Iād come off such a high and splatted back down to earthā¦.
This morning I suspected moreā¦.
15 weeks and 5 days since COVID #1ā¦. But honestly, itās almost a relief as I know why I feel so rotten.
It makes me laugh that it saysā¦ itās likely you were infectious when the test was done.
š³
No shit, Sherlock. š¤š¤£
I said to Craig that I was almost glad as Iād been worried about āma moodāā¦.. he quips back with āis that your Asian friend?āā¦. It might get lost in the writing but it was really funny at the time!
So how do I feel? What was the giveaway this time? I am honestly wiped out, I feel like a lead brick. My head is sore, Iām really dizzy, my nose is fizzy and I feel like I need to sneeze all of the time, my right nostril is totally blocked and my throat feels funny but not sore. Iām so glad that I can allow myself to rest now. Iād have felt so guilty lounging the day awayā¦ but I have no energy for anything else.
Iām through in Granās chair just so relieved that Iām still in control of my mental health. Anxiety does that to youā¦. What if youāre heading back into depression, how would you manage, why canāt you cope, why canāt you just be ānormalāā¦. I need to remember that this is just life. There is nothing I feel now that everyone else feels on a daily basis. We are just human and some days are better than others.
Iāve not moved much all day, went to bed this afternoon for a few hours.
We got lunch in from the pub next door about 3pm so my appetite is ok and taste buds are still working!
How lovely that Holly suggested sending in her weekend special of chicken and bacon Club sandwich. It tasted soooo good. Itās actually all Iāve eaten today but I donāt think Iāll need anything else.
Except Cadburyās Chocolate Buttonsā¦ they would be niceā¦ oh but waitā¦ we donāt have any of them. Or some Maoam chewsā¦. Or crisps or peanutsā¦. Nope none of them either. šš¤£
At least the lack of it will save me feeding my Covid. Silver lining and all that.
Well hope you all have a great weekend, Iāll mostly be here. Just chillinā š
Iām zonked tonightā¦. To be fair Iāve been awake since 4.30amā¦. I sneezed all day yesterday and when I woke at 4.30am and couldnāt breatheā¦. Then when I rolled over my nose ran so much I thought it was bleedingā¦ it wasnāt but it ran for ages. Too much information?!
So all that moaning aside, Iāve been great at work, felt fine and boss man got cakes as they closed a great deal today so I was loving life on a sugar high! Got loads done.
Iāve come home and wallopā¦. Nose blocked, soooo lethargic and no energy to even finish aā¦..
šš¤£ I made myself laugh thereā¦ā¦ sentenceā¦ obviouslyā¦. š¤¦š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļøš¤£
I had to pop out for my nail appointment at 6pm. My toes are a lovely shade of salmon. Ooh check me!
A quick mention about Boris Johnsonās resignation today.
I listened to his live announcement at 12.30pm.ā¦ nothing particularly spectacular about his speech but good to be moving forward without a total loon tune in charge of our country. š¬
(Obviously other policies opinions are available. š¤š)
So Iām hoping for some sunshine this weekend and hoping I will allow myself to rest if I need to.
Right now I have no option. Iām like a lead weight tied to the couch. š
I loved this despite the your/youāre š¤¦š»āāļøš¤£
Itās been a rotten day todayā¦. Windy, drizzly rain, coolerā¦. Itās nothing like summer and nothing like July should be yet all too often, itās what we get.
Despite the weather our roses look lovely š¹
Our schools finished up last week for summer holidays and the roads are empty in the mornings, which is great. I do drive along feeling like everyone knows something I donāt. š¤¦š»āāļøš¤£ it feels like everyone else is on holidayā¦. I need another one!
š
Oh my godā¦ this next one is just soooooo me!!
I guess I could start up a FB group??!
So I donāt have many words of wisdom tonight. Itās been a good day and I got through lots at work. No crazy anxious wobbles š
Off to crochet tonight putting the world to ātightsā as we do! I have so much wool from the ladies so I really must get on with my blanket. Maybe get some more done this weekend out in the garden, relaxingā¦. Itās meant to be hot.
Itās been a lovely sunny afternoon and the portacabin was warm and cosyā¦ I feel tired just typing that š
I had a great sleep, a great and busy morning but at 2.34pm I stayed to yawn and I just couldnāt stopā¦.. I finally hit that wall! š¤¦š»āāļøš¤£š¤£
I had to go for a food shop after work as wellā¦ I could have cried at the thought of it but weāve nothing much in the house.
I drove to Lidl in Dalry. Iām trying to keep it cheapā¦. Even a Lidl food shop is expensive. I see prices that have rocketed in the last few months. Iām going through a phase where I donāt fancy eating much but have a lot of whatās not good for me. It was hard to shop without any real desire for any of it. I had to fly through the crisps and sweets aisle and I did well not picking any up.
The food shop helps wake me up a bitā¦. By the time I get home, I have some frittata with salad, coleslaw and beetrootā¦. I love the word frittataā¦. I have a posh voice in my head as I type it! š¤£ Fritaaaaaaattaaaaaa š¤£
Ok Iāll shut up. š¤·š»āāļøš¤£
I have since cleaned the kitchen and hoovered the whole ground floor of the house and have finally sat down to write. Not bad for someone whoās shattered!
Ok ok I knowā¦ I will stop blowing my own trumpet soon and normal service will be resumed!
I look a weeeeeee bit scary in this photo but this is me at 5.30am off to the Fit Body Farm!
I am stiff and sore but nothing like I expected to be. Iām still buzzing and really wanted to work out again this morning. It was hard going but I loved it!
Iām going through waves of being in agony one minute and fit as a fiddle the next.
We got some official Tough Mudder photos through today.
Not sure they capture my finest hourā¦. š¤¦š»āāļøš¤£
Craigie looking all focussed and taking it all in his stride!
Work was fab today, I have a new wee work experience girl and she is a breath of fresh air. Sheās polite, friendly, confident, picks things up very quickly, made me two coffeesā¦.. just a lovely wee ray of sunshine around the office today. āļø
Well I didnāt sleep well, I tossed and turned like a mad wummin but I am still buzzing today.
Me today!!
I honestly canāt believe I did that yesterday. I completed Tough Mudder Scotland 2022ā¦. And I didnāt hate it and didnāt feel out my depth. I wasnāt even that scared, I was just calm and in control.
Everything went right for me. Despite being anxious about what to wear, my chosen wardrobe didnāt let me down. I wasnāt too hot or too cold, I didnāt get blisters, my trainers didnāt fall off in the mudā¦. All the things that worried me in advance. It all worked perfectly.
We live next door to the Gateside Inn which is an old coaching station from back in the day and is affectionately known as the GSI.
There were 9 of us in our GSI Warriors team, the 8 others (including Craig) did it all last year (with one other guy who had to pull out at the last moment) and I thought they were crazy. I couldnāt imagine anything worse. It sounded terrifying.
I have to remember that I used to listen to Craigās stories of the Fit Body Farm and roll my eyes in disgust thinking how awful that it sounded.
And here I amā¦. If I can do this, anyone can.
On the busā¦ Face paint on!
Iām sure the face paint resembled a kids face painted tiger rather than camouflage but heyā¦.. we got a minibus down to Drumlanrig Castle where Tough Mudder is staged.
(Should say here the minibus was Ā£40 a head which seems a lot of money but actually itās from your door and he waited for us and with the cost of fuel these days, itās probably not that badā¦š¤š„ŗ)
We are 1.5 hours away from Drumlanrig.
To be fairā¦. Thereās not really any time to appreciate the surroundings but given that we ran 17.5km around it yesterday itās safe to say itās a stunning and huge estate and well worth a visit!
So back to the actual event itself. We got there around 8am and we were booked to set off between 9-9.45am so we had a fair bit of time to drop our bags and queue up at the start lineā¦. Of course time for plenty more photosā¦. š¤£
Nae glasses uh ohā¦. I have such a glass wearers tan on my face š¤¦š»āāļøReady for action GSI warriors (the boys all groan every time they have to turn around for a photo, they know better though!!)The girls!
Now from this point on there arenāt many photos as we have to leave our phones in our bags. We had two go-pros with us so there are a few and the official ones will be out this week.
This is the route. Of course we did the 15kā¦ which ended up 17.5Kā¦. š¤¦š»āāļøš¤£
Even looking back at this now I donāt remember what half of the obstacles were. All we noticed in advance was the run between obstacles 5 and 6 and 17 to 18ā¦. I wondered if there was a bus to drop us off?!? š
This is us just out of the Blockness Monster, one of my favouritesThatās me standing ready for my next mud slide!A random pic on one of the muddy tracks
So up until this point itās muddy but we are not covered in mud. Every track is pretty muddy so you have to be careful you donāt slip but you gain a confidence running in the mud. T
Here are a lot of water obstaclesā¦.. I loved themā¦ itās funny how coming out of a muddy pool of water being fully clothed and you can still set off a run again?!?! Your shoes are squelching but it feels ok. Itās ok, I hear myself but it is true. You just laugh and get on with it.
All cheering as Craig heads over the top of the Hero Walls
The only obstacles I really struggled with were the ones with heights. I have a real fear of heights and thatās something I need to work on. I can climb a mountain if itās cloudyā¦. If itās sunny I feel really dizzy and disorientated as if the mountain is going to eject me off it. I say I have to work at it and I have no desire to do so but I know itās needs doingā¦.
There were some that I walked round as a result of the height but I didnāt feel awful doing it. I was proud of myself for knowing that I was tackling so much in the day already that a few missed obstacles wasnāt the end of the world.
This next one caught me out.ā¦. You had to climb up a ladder being showerd by very cold water. This is Lynsey showing how itās done.
I got to the top no problem. The water was so cold that it almost hurt at the topā¦ and out I climbedā¦. Then realised how high up I was and I had to climb down the back of it. It was the only time I felt a fleeting fear and in the video clip we have, I grabbed on t the side bar. No drama just securityā¦.. check the nick of my face at the bottom šš
But I did it!!My Tommy Cooper impression!! Was shaking!
This was an easy one going through tape in the trees.
Heading through Black Widow šø
All of a sudden we saw the castle from a viewpoint.
The castle
What a great team photo shot! To think we werenāt sure if Ianās go-pro was even working and his pics have been great!
This photo was taken at the top of Arwenās Trail which was indeed, a strenuous hike!
We ran past this stunning leaping arch on the just before the hill.
I was screaming to Craig behind me to get a photo!!! š¤¦š»āāļøš¤£ was not to beā¦
Where did Lynsey go?!? Did Craig push her or try to help her?
Iāve admitted defeat and am sitting on the edge ready for a swim as I couldnāt reach the monkey bars!!
Off on a cage crawlā¦ thatās my lying under the cage as Emma waits to go next!
Two very different pictures after Artic Enemaā¦. You slide down a tube into freezing cold ice water and get instantly confused with the cold.
Broonie out for a swimRachel two doors down summing it up for me!
The only negative to the whole event was the mudā¦. Really, you say?!? Well itās not thatā¦ itās just the amount of mud at the end!
Someone, who shall remain nameless saidā¦ thereās nowhere near as much mud as last year, I mean look at usā¦ weāre all still cleanā¦. From that moment on Lynsey got her mud!! (Oops!)
They save the worst of it until lastā¦ and there are no more water obstacles for you to go through to wash it all off!
The result is that Tough Mudder get a stunning finish of everyone covered from head to toe in mud.
Here I am crossing through Electroshock Therapy at the finish line. I didnāt get zapped but some of the guys really felt the electric shock.
My right hand is caked in mud as I fell just before I finished!
Then they give your a fresh clean Tough Mudder 2022 Finisher T-shirt, a 15k headband, a bottle of water, 2 cans of alcohol and youāre meant to try and carry it when your hands are caked in mud?!?! They really need one of their sponsors to come up with a tote bag! (how old do I sound?!?!)
Suitably covered in mud
This is Lynseyās watchā¦ took us 4 hours as she forgot to switch it off over the finish line and was 10.8 miles.
They have a RINSE area at the end but Emma and I went in fully clothed! It took ages to rinse the mud off our clothes. It took almost as long to get clean clothes on to our cold, wet skin š¤¦š»āāļøš¤£š¤£š¤£
We didnāt hang around afterwardsā¦. It started to rain and we were kinda over the mud! We called the bus and headed back to the Gateside Inn for dinner.
My face says it all!!
So to the GSI Warriors I say thank you from the bottom of my heart. Every single one of you welcomed me with open arms and your words of encouragement and support were outstanding.
And to Craigā¦. I would never, ever, ever, ever have done any of this without you by my side. The Fit Body Farm, my first Tough Mudder, all because you believe in me when I canāt believe in myself. ā„ļø it also proves that I do listen sometimes šš¤£š„°
Iām so very proud of myself and itās not often I ever say that. Long may the buzz continue.
At least until Iām able to walk again. FBF 6am is still under review. š¤£
I am so proud of myself! Thatās Tough Mudder Scotland 2022 done and dusted and I loved it.
Iām so tired that Iām gonna wait until tomorrow to post all the photos but I just wanted to say that Iām over the moon.
In 2018 & 2019 I was sitting in my Granās chair watching the ivy grow outside the sun room. I cried a lotā¦ā¦ I would never have believed that anything like this was possible and yet today I did itā¦ and I grinned like a Cheshire Cat most of the way!
I cannot believe itās July alreadyā¦. Our weather this year has been pretty poor though we were lucky with our Tiree trip!
I say lazyā¦. Iāve done two dog walks, filled the dishwasher, done a washing and hung it out and weeded some more but the thought of being lazy is there.
We had a lie in this morning as no Fit Body Farm to conserve energy for tomorrow. Of course I woke at 5.01pm which is my usual for a Fridayā¦.. š„ŗš„“ I tossed and turned for a bit but fell back to sleep until just before 8am.
I took Calaidh a walk with my neighbour Holly at 8.40 and had a good catch up then back down the road to take Freya and a Bhruic out.
Itās a warmer than I thought, but a cloudy day and the sun is shining but there are some really dark clouds. It makes for some dramatic skies.
Love the wee flowers beside this gate. They donāt stand out much but they were really vibrant in the sunlight against the dark sky. And theyāre off leadā¦ bombing it up the hill Spot the Border Collies!!! The wee thistles are starting to bloom
Then the sky gets darkerā¦.
So Iām now trying to crochet as my lovely crochet friends have been looking out for wool for me so I really need to get on with the blanket!
Maybe I could just have a nap underneath it?!?
Nopeā¦. Bhruic has other ideas. This is how we relax in our house š¤¦š»āāļøš¤£
It really isnāt warm enough to be out here and I feel like Iām persevering for the lovely few warm minutes I getā¦
No show without Punchā¦ cuddles from Calaidh now!
Iāve been trying to persevere in the fresh air but it is cooler now and I really need a nap to preserve energy for tomorrow. From outside in shorts to bed with electric blanket in leggings!!
2 hours I was out forā¦.. lovely!!
Had to go to the Co-op to get supplies for Tough Mudder tomorrow then into the pub to get our T-shirts!
Obviously Iām awright Jack as Iām on the alcohol free š¤£š¤£ but weāre home now to carb load.
Black pudding and haggis pasta!!
So I say hereā¦ stay safe everyone and I mean that as much for us tomorrow as anyone else!!
Wow what an adrenaline fuelled start to the dayā¦.. heading to work and I see a wee red car š pull out to overtake a huge truck.
The š disappears behind a hidden dip in the road and reappears STILL trying to over take the huge truckā¦.
She keeps coming at meā¦.. I start to think about reacting. Why I am still bombing along at 60mph? Should I start to brake? Why is the truck getting faster? Why is he not braking and more importantly why is š still heading right towards me????
She pulled out further from the truck as if maybe I could squeeze through the middle between her and the truck?!?!?! The toward is not that wide!!!
Finally she realised that was not an option and must have slammed on the brakes and pulled diagonally across the front of the van and I swear I saw the whites of her eyeballs š
šš
Then the adrenaline rushā¦. I was shaking all over, right down into my toesā¦. Do I phone Craig? He was still sleeping when I left? Do I pull over until the shakes stop? That seems daft? I just keep driving and the adrenaline finally goes. I drive like Miss Daisy the whole rest of the way though.
I wonder if she remembers my face like I remember hers?
šš
I do try!!!
The rest of the day was calm and in control until just before I finished workā¦ I was desperate to leave on time and someone asked an question two minutes after I had wanted to leaveā¦.. anxiety hits the roof. Phone bossā¦ get perfectly logical answer that I was more than capable of reaching myself, but just couldnāt without his validation. Wee life lesson there. What didnāt I think of that?! Question answered, feel sheepish because absolutely anxiety took over in those few minutes. A huge swoosh of it. Then a cringy calm came over me.
I had a lovely eveningā¦ met Lea in Starbucks and caught up on all the chat.
The poor love has a really sore cold sore so sheās strategically positioned the mug so you canāt see it. She still wanted and selfie š¤³š¤£
We had coffee (yes I remembered decaf!), a toastie and a muffin between usā¦ sat for two hours and then went for a wander round the shops. She bought me my 50th birthday present WAY in advance of my birthday. You might remember that I had huge anxiety around her 30th birthday present and didnāt get her something for about 2 years after it as I blew it up out of all proportion and couldnāt think what to get her. We did have various lockdowns during that time but I had a real block about what to buy her. I think she got her 40th present when she was 41 and three quarters!!! Here she is buying my 50th when Iām 49 and a halfā¦ā¦ I may never get over that š¤·š»āāļøš¤¦š»āāļøš¤£š¤£
Sheās been there through it all. That says a lot ā„ļøā„ļø
In other news, I cannot believe itās 15 years since the Glasgow Airport terror attackā¦.. I was due to fly out of Glasgow 15 years ago today with my friend Aileen and her two kids, Sam and Kirsty, for a week in Majorca.
Good old Scottish headline eh?!?
The airport was closed and all flights delayed. We were very lucky to fly out about 24hours later after standing in an queue for about 5 hours to get into the airportā¦. We ended up being interviewed and had our glum faces photographed as we sat our suitcases in the queue. We made the papers! Would love to find that photo! We had the best holiday after that.
I could have filled up this morning on the way to the Fit Body Farm for Ā£196.9 a litre but noā¦. I thought Iād wait until after work to pay more than thatā¦ š¤¦š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļøš¤
Itās just a joke now. The price increases daily and the petrol stations ā½ļø donāt get daily deliveries of fuel. What they pay canāt be fluctuating that much on a daily basis?!?
I guess the only saving grace is that I live 25 mins from work and not the hour and half I used to travel to my old jobā¦. that andā¦.. I was so close to Irvine Beach after filling up that I decided to come down here and listen to the waves and take some photos. Itās been too long.
The sea is glistening in the late afternoon sun. I went for a quick wander in my T-shirt and sat for a bit until the wind just chilled me that bit too much.
The clouds are stunning.
Iām back in the van sitting with the loveliest view but super cosy as the sun streams through the windows.
Iām tired today. The Farm was hard this morning as I tossed and turned a lot last night. That was our last training session before Tough Mudder on Saturdayā¦. š± I could barely run 500m this morning let alone 15km!!!
I will not worry about that. What will be will be and what I manage will be more than I would manage if I stayed in the house. I might surprise myself.
I learned today that a girl I used to babysit forā¦..has died of cancer.
Iāve not seen her for about 30 years, if not more, but knew that she has been fighting it for a very long time. She has a young son whoās only 11 or 12 ish. She is survived by both of her parents. So very sad for all involved. š
Another reminder that life is for living every day.
Itās been a good day at work again today. Very productive and in control. I can even answer questions thrown at me, safe in the knowledge I know the answers without thinking. Sometimes anxiety confuses all of that. Itās nice to have a day where you recognise the real you.
I want to share a FB post from a page called Finding Joy that I follow. Rachel hit the nail on the head with this one.
I loved the way she has written this. It totally resonates with me. I write so that others may feel less alone. I share so that people will see what goes on inside my head rather than what they see. If it helps one other person then it will have been worth it.
The news hit today that Scotland are going to have a 2nd independence referendum in October 2023.
I am going to spend the next year and a half avoiding the left hand side of that bus. š¤£
This next one is so true. Iām so I. Tune with peoples energies now and I know what works for me and what doesnāt. It may seem quick to judge but itās quick to protect me from energy I cannot handle.
Iām a member of several womenās campervan groups on FB just now and Iāve become aware of the derogatory language many women use when talking about themselves or asking questions. We are so quick to put ourselves down, to blow up our inadequacy into something way bigger than it is. We need to watch the words we use about ourselvesā¦
And this next one is just because I saw it and canāt unsee itā¦ you have to all see it too.
Terrifyingā¦.. life is short. Love your best life.
I didnāt feel good when I woke up this morningā¦. It was the aftermath of my weekend somehow. I felt really sad.
Coming into July seems to be a time for holidays for everyone and their Auntie just now. I pride myself in not comparing myself to others but Iām having to really work hard at it just now. I am desperate to travel.
We were very lucky to have just come back from Tiree but weāve nothing else planned at the moment and I have itchy feet. I am super envious of everyone elseās plans.
The thought of heading to the Farm and off to work today just felt really unfair. I should say here that compared to the Monday morning (or Sunday night!) blues that I used to have this was nothing. i used to start feeling sick early on a Sunday knowing I had to face work the next dayā¦. Anyway that the old life!!
I felt tears burn in my eyes and I was wallowing in negativity and I knew I had to change it.
At 4.45am this morning I jumped onto my positive FB feedā¦.. and fed off it.
And this was the one I took with me for the day. Choose Joy.
I could be miserable all day for no real reason or I could choose to be grateful for all that I have.
I look at these things all the time yet I very rarely allow one to actually change my mood and yet I thankfully did today. I chose joy.
The Farm was great fun this morning. Those exercise endorphins definitely help.
A very sweaty Team Averyā¦. Thankfully Iām able to walk again today!
Work was good as wellā¦ I got a stock check done today and I hadnāt even really planned to do oneā¦. Best to do it while I had a clear head. Itās a job I usually donāt enjoy but I got stuck right into it and cleared some shelves at the same time.
Craig and made lasagne for dinner tonight which was sooooo good.
Iāve sold another couple of things on Vinted, which needed posted, so I did that after work. Usually I need to come home and chill but the lazy weekend has left me with more energy than usual so Iām making the most of my evening and not wasting it. Iām taking action.
Jeez Iāve just been the lady of leisure these last two daysā¦.. another huge nap this afternoon but it wasnāt the most relaxing.
Craigās been moving the office round which is right next for the bedroom so Iāve been snoozing next to a giant heard of wildebeestā¦ the dogs have been loving the noise too running round the house with equal gusto to the wildebeest. Ach Iām just a bit out of sorts today.
We have Tough Mudder next Saturday and here I am lounging around like Lazy McLazerson. Iāll do the hard work through the week at the Fit Body Farm. Iām trying not to think about the actual Tough Mudder itselfā¦. Iāll let it sneak up on me as that seems to be best way for me. š¤¦š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļøš¤£
The weatherās been pretty rotten today too. I couldnāt think of anything to do.
Iām bored. There it is. Bingo.
We did an online food shop and Iāve reorganised my woolā¦. Again. Iāve tidied up more of the upstairs office but then I just thoughtā¦ nahā¦.. I need a nap. So lethargic.
Sloths for smiles
My muscles have been really sore again today though I think they are slowly starting to ease off.
When Iāve been like this in the past it would always be made better by going to the pub for wineā¦.. donāt drink ā, eating chocolate or crispsā¦.. donāt have any ā, shopping or buying myself something niceā¦.. donāt need anything and trying to save all my pennies for diesel these days ā
Where is my positive head?! Actually it is still there and Iām smiling as I write thisā¦ I just seem to have needed rest this weekend and my mind is fighting it. Still.
So yeahā¦ just like that itās Sunday night already. The weatherās not looking great this week but itās up to 17C in time for Tough Mudder. That should help a bit.
So hereās to a great week for you all. Iāll shake my lethargic coat and get back to it in time for work tomorrow.
The Rambling Sloth š¦„ 