It feels a lot hotter than this to be honest. There’s not a breath. We were sitting outside after work and had to come in as there are midges in our back garden?!?! We NEVER get midges!!
So yeah…. Didn’t have the best sleep last night. Woke at 4am and couldn’t get back to sleep. I stopped eating too early yesterday, after a big fast the day before so I think I was hungry. I still managed through until lunchtime but I’m having dinner tonight. You can’t survive on nothing. I’ve lost 3 lbs this week thought!
I had such a lovely drive to work today.
Being in a Beetle will take a bit of getting used to as I’m so close to the ground, I feel a bit vulnerable. Also at some junctions I can’t see over the long grass!! I used to see over everything!
I also filled up with fuel and it only cost me £75 to fill the tank. It used to cost me over £100 to fill the van so I hope I start to see a difference there.
Work was busy but we got a lot done. It was a good doing day.
There not much else to report really…. Khaleesi is settling in well. She’s sitting beside me just now.
That’s me at the weekend now, woop, woop!! 3 days off. Despite a wee wobble on Tuesday morning, I’ve had a really good week. I can see myself letting things go that would usually be a trigger to worry.
I feel very laid back and calm. This has been a week filled with huge changes and rather than fall apart, I have embraced them all.
Check. Me.
Khaleesi sporting her new collar. Makes her one of the gang. Calaidh’s is purple and pink, Bhru’s green, Freya’s is grey but they’re all the same style.
Thankfully this heat cools right down in the evening so it’s easy to get to sleep.
It’s been a scorcher today. Walking out of the portacabin at work feels like us Scots walking off the plane when we’ve flown abroad on holiday.
Craig’s sent me this just before 9am.
He had to take delivery as I was at work.
Then he had to take Khaleesi to the vets in the car before I’ve even been in it!!
I did say I hope she hoovered up after herself. 🤦🏻♀️😂
I took her (Bertie, no Khaleesi!) for a drive when I got home from work…. Wow those brakes are good… we just about went through the windscreen every time I touched them! It’s a different colour than I expected but I really like it. I thought it was electric blue but it’s more petrol coloured.
When I was younger I’d have wanted to go every where in my new car but now I’m more like….. hmmm I have a nice new car now off to sit in the scorching sunshine.
It is scorching hot today! This isn’t just quite hot for Scotland, it’s hot for a Scottish person on summer holiday, hot!! I think it’s been up to 22-24°C today. It was cloudy and cool first thing but got hot just before lunch when the sun came out. There’s barely a breath of wind. It’s lovely.
Now that I have wheels I’ll be able to go places after work but it’s been quite a week for us. If you think about the law of attraction, if you believe in that at all… then how funny that I sold the van and bought a car and was able to use Craig’s when he was off spending time with the dogs. We could never have planned that to work. He’s here to receive the car rather than me having to shuffle days off and he’s back to work tomorrow. It’s all been perfect timing. Things are panning out like that for me a lot just now.
The other thing this week was winning the Body Shop advent calendar. I had a Marks & Spencer one last year, which I was given for my 50th. I loved it. I wanted another one for this year but thought they were awful expensive to buy for yourself. Next thing you know, I’ve won one!
I was sooooo terrified of selling the van…. Yet I found someone who bought into me as a person. She bought it and paid 90% of it and still hasn’t even seen it.
I am very much in the present moment at the moment and going with the flow. A wee hiccup yesterday where I was worried about the dogs but it didn’t last long. I keep coming back to “what will be will be”.
The dogs seem a bit less alert to each other today. Everyone seems to be settling down s bit. Maybe I am…. 😆🫶🏼
Incidentally I fasted for over 22 hours today really by chance. I know that scares people a lot but I really feel great for it. It’s not like I’m going to waste away anytime soon!
Fasting is quite addictive for me as it’s the one way I’ve been able to control my calorie intake. I had a huge lunch yesterday and some biscuits at 2.15pm and when I got home I just want hungry at all so I didn’t eat anything until lunchtime today.
I’m averaging just shy of 18! Hours a day though my target is 16 hours a day.
So all in all a life changing week so far, in scorching sunshine which is surprising.
I haven’t taken any other photos of Bertie Beetle today either, I must be slacking. I’ll get one before crochet.
I did and here they are!
I’m off to meet the Hookers in half an hour. Hope we can get some time in the beer garden before the sun disappears behind a house!
Here’s Khaleesi this morning before I left for work.
We were all knackered. We had Khaleesi and she didn’t crack a light apart from breathe all night. It does wake you up having a second monster in the bed every time you roll over though.
I am still shattered today and I’ve yawned a lot. Proper non stop yawning. Energy changing.
It’s been a stunningly beautiful day. Pure blue skies the whole time. And hot. It was so lovely to sit outside at lunch.
I was a bit emotional before work today and there were a few tears. Can only think it’s the hormones and the changes that we are all going through at the moment.
I feel anxious that I just want Khaleesi to have the best life as she’s been through so much but rather than me assuming it will be easy, my head looks for all the reasons it might not be. Four dogs is a huge commitment.
We will all get used to each other. I’m just worried I do the wrong thing or say the wrong thing to them.
Craig is so brilliant with them. Khaleesi now wants to play and be a part of the gang.
Craig took her to Mocha JaKs today. She met some cows and sheep along the way. It gets her used to different sights and smells and Scottish coffee shapes. She used to go to the Bhuddist Temple coffee shop in Spain. She was found lying outside a coffee shop when she was rescued.
Work was so busy I felt a bit out of control. Constant yawning didn’t help.
I’ve been to the Kinisi-flow class, with Gayle, in the village hall and I feel so much better after it. Much more relaxed. I’m still yawning!
I was up at 5.20am. Showered, lunch made and out with the dogs by 5.45
A last pose in the garden before 3 became 4.
Holly next door kindly let them out mid morning and Craig was home with Khaleesi by 12.30pm. He made great time having left at 5am.
Work was crazy busy. The sun brought everyone out. At one point we had 4 lots of people waiting to speak to someone. I sat down outside for lunch and was interrupted twice! Don’t get me wrong, that’s what we’re there for, I’m not complaining it was just THAT busy.
So virtually no work done today other than to add to the list of things to be done.
In the background…..
I’ve almost run out of HRT meds so had to call the doc re a repeat prescription
The company I’m buying the car from hasn’t sent through the paperwork so I had to chase that
When they did send it through they then chased me twice to sign it, don’t they know how busy I was!!?
When I finally tried to sign it a bit wasn’t right so had to get them to change it
They chased for the payment again
Then I had to try and change my existing van insurance over to the car and their system was done so I had to call back
All the while Craig is travelling home with Khaleesi and sending me photos and videos of their progress
As I said, what a day!
We are all out in the garden, it’s been a scorcher!!
We are watching the dogs find their way around each other. Here I am saying hello.
Calaidh and Khaleesi are starting to play together. Bhru and Freya are more wary but that will come.
She loves Craig!
He’s been working relentlessly with the 4 of them. Integration into a pack of 3 has to be managed.
So not as relaxed an evening as it could be but I’m managing things way better than I would have in the past. I’m letting things wash over me in a way that makes me very proud. Despite the chaos of the day, I’ve laughed at it and things have fallen into place.
Another busy but lovely day off. Craig actually had to wake me and ask me to roll over last night which suggests I may have been snoring?!?
Moi?!?! 😳
Couldn’t possibly be true.
His alarm went off at 5am. I knew I wouldn’t get back to sleep so got up about 5.30 and made coffee. The grindy bean kind ☕️
We sat and chatted for an hour or so then Craig set off bound for Potters Bar, north of London.
It’s a long drive.
He was meant to be meeting Tito The Transpawter between 3 and 5pm so he had to be down there for 3pm, just in case, which he was.
Unfortunately, due to delays in France, they didn’t make the ferry, from France, until 3pm so they are now meeting at 8.30pm.
Thankfully Craig has checked in to a hotel so he was able to get some rest and a shower. It does mean he’ll have to drive home in Monday morning traffic.
On the plus side, it gives him time to spend with Khaleesi as she’s been travelling since Friday morning. Poor little poppet. I feel so sad when I think what she’s going through. We have to make her stay here extra special for the next few days to make up for it. Here he is saying goodbye to the pups!
I set off with hoddit, doddit and ploddit at 7am when Craig left.
Love this tree 🌲
Something serious to sniff here!
It’s much cooler than yesterday.
Bhru looking for sheep 🐑 😂
Lots of cows this morning instead! Finding cows instead!
Gateside village was looking lovely in the sun this morning.
I really loved this next shot.
In our excitement leaving the house this morning, I had forgotten poo bags…. I had to retrace my steps to pick up two poos… not a lovely subject but important to say that I did retrace my steps when I’d forgotten to take them with me!
We passed this next field twice this morning and it’s never cut for silage…. It has been this year. This is about 500yards from the back of our house. I did wonder what the noise was yesterday…. They must have been cutting this field.
I did two loads of washing and hung it up and got showered and ready to head to Braehead Shopping Centre with Gayle.
I forgot to get a pic of us!
We tried on lots of trousers in M&S! I didn’t buy any of them.
It’s fun trying them on though!
We had a lovely lunch in Starbucks and a good wander around the shops until we both hit a wall. I was shattered.
Oh I got some magnesium for my aches and pains. The really helpful guy in Holland & Barrett said it would start working in a couple of days. Fingers crossed as I feel really stiff and sore just now… probably lack of exercise, I know!
When I got home I took the dogs up the hill to the field for a big run about.
That back fired as the farmer was hay baking…
They only got one big run and I had to put them straight back on the lead. Was fascinating to be so close to the baler though.
Since then I’ve made a lovely salad for dinner, thrown balls for the dogs in the back garden and read a magazine that Holly next door gave me.
I’m determined to stay awake to see that Craig has Khaleesi.
Exciting times!
I need to get a lift to work tomorrow as I’m van-less and car-less and husband-less in the morning. I need to be up and out with the dogs and potentially starting work by 7am. I might be asleep at my desk by 11 😂
It’s 3pm and I have hit a wall….. I’ve been on the go since 7am with dog walks, housework and decking staining.
To be fair I also did it all while I was fasting so I think I got a wee bit too weak and had to stop for some food. That was an hour ago and I’m only just starting to feel a bit stronger now.
It is a BEAUTIFUL day up here today. It’s calm and sunny.
Only a gentle breeze… and as I say that the sun goes behind a cloud 😂
This is a fairly mundane day compared to all the excitement of yesterday.
Khaleesi is still travelling up through Spain and France. She should be in the UK sometime late afternoon tomorrow.
Tito The Transpawter said his wife wanted to keep her because she was such a sweet girl. I think she stayed at his house overnight.
So this is me off out with the OG trio this morning.
Every time I take the phone out, Freya turns round to say hi.
There was even a big of a dog jog today! Been a while.
Freya looking back at me, is quite a new thing. It makes me smile. It’s like she’s checking up on me! 🫶🏼
As I blitz the house, these 3 seem to be on canoe guard duty.
I go to hang washing out and they are still at it, just facing down the garden! 😂
By 11.30 I can put it off no longer. Craig bought the decking stain and pads…. It seems unfair to leave it for him finishing work, when he has so much on this weekend.
I officially hate staining decking.
I am so sore by the time I finish it. I am only 50 and 3/4 and everything hurts, way more than I think it should.
I have another full coat today that I can start in precisely 25 minutes. The price I pay for a wonderful day yesterday. 😂
It really does look so good though and I’m so proud of myself for doing it.
Craig comes home to find me lying flat out on the grass, trying to stretch my aching muscles. His jokes about the second coat almost result in World War III.
To be fair to him he left a perfectly happy wife at home and had no idea he was returning to the she-devil from hell.
I laughed at that. I’m prone to exaggeration for comedic effect. He may beg to differ.
I’m now in a deckchair counting the minutes until I can relax. I’m not one of those people that can just leave it until tomorrow. I need the decking staining out of my life for good. As soon as. 😂
It’s 5.36pm and I am done.
The second coat was easier as “Mr Here’s How You Should Have Been Doing It” saved the day. A lot more decking oil and a lot less scrubbing. He did save the day but why does that annoy me so much?! 🤦🏻♀️😂
I’ve learned another lesson today. Stay well out of my way when I’m doing a job I don’t want to do. Simples. 😂
Ok so I’m still a work in progress and there are things I could do better at. I will try to remember “Mrs Sweetness and Light” the next time I’m exhausted doing something I don’t want to do. The fact that I know I’m the one in the wrong is a very good start. 😂
I’m going to celebrate with a frozen bottle of Nozeco as someone put it in the freezer…. 😬 it’s actually really lovely but the pic was more about the decking.
I am pretty damn proud of myself for doing all that, even if every part of me aches!
And relax.
Khaleesi is now in French France 🇫🇷 and was out for a walk on a beach. She was a good girl and got back in her bed for the next part of the trip. I just snapshot this from a video Tito sent.
Craig is away at very, very early o’clock in the morning so we’ll definitely be having an early night.
Some days just sail on by and some days make their mark with some real life changing decisions.
Today is one of those days. 1st September 2023 (can’t actually believe it’s September).
So Abbie the Campervan is sold. There were tears this morning as I realised I can’t get to work on Monday as Craig is away so figured I’d have to hire a car for a week.
My anxiety was on overdrive as Craig was helping me look for a car and all I heard was “what do you want what do you want what do you want what do you want it depends what you want!” That is certainly not what he really said. My head is screaming I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WANT!!!!
I had my heart set on a Caddy so that I could make it into a Campervan and “keep my camping oar in” as it were.
Craig told me last week that wasn’t the best idea but I was adamant. It’s only since last night that I clicked that a car was really what I needed, but what kind?!?
Decisions, decisions. When you suffer from anxiety these are not exciting times, not fun decisions to be making. Your head doesn’t think straight it makes lots of noise and panic and doomsday scenarios. Really it just needs to calm the f down and start thinking straight.
I love that in the midst of all this drama I actually found the perfect car before 8.30am. The garage called at 8.40. They will deliver. One years’ warranty.
Meet Bertie the Beetle!
I’m not sure that I ever was a namer of cars and yet here I am, naming another car. 🙋🏻♀️
I had a VW Beetle before I got Abbie the Campervan so I know it’s a great drive. Although she’s called Bertie, I’m not sure my car will ever be a boy 🤦🏻♀️ 😂😂 anything goes these days!
Here’s my old one.
So in other HUGE news …..
You may need to sit down……
As if we don’t have enough dogs already… we are getting another dog.
There. I said it. It’s out there.
This is Khaleesi….. and Craig first met her when he was out in Spain to look after her and 4 other dogs.
She was a rescue and was badly injured and walks with a limp. Jo, her owner, took her on and loved her back to health. Jo is moving back to the UK and her lifestyle does not suit Khaleesi’s injuries so she is heartbroken at having to re home her.
Craig messaged me about a month ago when Jo asked someone to take her.
I agreed that he could message her, as a back up, as he loved her so much. I didn’t think for one minute that Jo would want her to leave Spain.
Within an hour of his initial message to me… Khaleesi was coming to Scotland!!! 😳
Craig is so excited about having her. I knew he thought she was very special. She can’t get a lot of exercise due to her injuries the poor wee soul. I can’t wait to meet her and have lots of cuddles.
I told Craig I will still have to be able to get out and do my travels and he’s said that was ok.
Deal.
She left Spain this morning with Tito The Transpawter…. About exactly the same time I put down a deposit on Bertie. It’s all happening.
And the days does not end there my lovelies…. 😂
I took Bhru and Freya for a walk and then had a photoshoot with the 3 OG puppers.
Craig has pressure washed all of the grass and decking ready for Khaleesi’s arrival. It’s looking amazing.
We just need to stain the decking but it didn’t dry enough today.
It’s not even 11am by this time.
I went out for lunch with Crochet Hooker Evelyn as a 50th birthday treat!! Still milking that 2 months before my 51st 🤦🏻♀️😂
Had a lovely lunch at Mocha JaK’s and great chats. Forgot to take a pic but did take my lunch. Avocado Stack. Yum. Thanks Evelyn!
She dropped me at The little gift shop as I was going to treat myself to a new bag for my holidays. I had a great chat with Gayle AND…… started my Christmas shopping!!!!!!!
Me.
Christmas shopping in September?!?!
Who even am I anymore?!?
She who scoffs at anyone who buys a Christmas gift before November!!
I walked back up the road and the only negative of the day is that my bunion is gowping.
Awfy sore body part. 😪
So, I’m walking home and Craig’s car drives past me…. With a canoe on his roof.
As you do.
😵💫
To be fair he had been out canoeing with our friend Euan… I just did not expect him to come home with one. 🛶
What’s this mum?!?!
Nothing surprises me anymore! 😬
Except that then I found out that I’ve won a Body Shop advent calendar as my friend Gemma ran a prize draw on her a Body Shop page.
What a day!!!!
I don’t think I can even keep up with my life just now.
Abbie the Campervan is parked up until maybe the end of September before she can be collected. By tonight I will have enough money for my new car…. All from a lovely lady who hasn’t even seen the van yet. I was terrified that I couldn’t sell the van and I found someone just like me, to buy her.
This has taken me way too long to write so I’m going to relax after all this excitement.
I got to bed about midnight last night and managed about 5 hours sleep. My alcohol free head has felt hungover all day… that’s very unfair. Shows how much of a hangover is actually sleep deprivation!
Was lovely to see do many neighbours out on their glad-rags last night! Megan was stunning and Stewart is a very handsome lad! It was lovely to be a part of their day.
I shockingly didn’t get any other photos other thank a lovely shot of the twinkling hall way at Dalduff Farm.
AND despite my best intentions, I completely lost track of time and forgot all about the blue moon that was due between 8.19 and 8.25.
I missed the “once in a blue moon”. 😆
I did get photos of the moon when we left.
So up this morning and out super early to get to Tartan to wash Abbie the Campervan in time for her 3.30pm viewing.
By 8.51am they said they weren’t coming. 😳
I am SO proud of the way I handled that whole thing. I love when I am so aware of my lack of reaction to something. I’d upset the lovely lady who had made the offer for Abbie. She spent the evening talking herself out of it. I’d been stressed and late leaving the house for the wedding last night, k thought about it a lot. I’d gone against my gut feel for some more money.
As soon as I knew the others weren’t coming, I was pleased instead of raging, as I knew my gut feel has been right. I wanted to accept her offer last night and leave it there but I took the advice to wait for more.
Of course I would have got more for the van if they’d wanted her but hey… in my life now, a gut feel is really important. I trust my own intuition 100%, I may just question it a lot but it’s only because I still don’t trust my own opinion above others.
So I messaged the lovely lady straight back and through the course of the day she paid me a good deposit!! I have no idea when she’s coming to get her but I drove like Miss Daisy tonight…. I must investigate that saying, I use it too much!
So I’m sitting at Silverburn Shopping Centre now waiting on Lea as we’re meeting for coffee tonight. The sun is shining so I’m sitting outside on a bench instead of going in.
As usual writing this I feel relaxed and calm.
I’ve sold Abbie the Campervan. The end of an era but the start of something exciting for me, like what on earth will I buy next?!?
I thought it would be a VW Caddy so I could still camp but I honestly think my mind might be changing…. Back to a normal car, with reversing sensors and all the mod cons. Hmmmm food for thought!!
Wow, so much has happened in one day! A great day at work but I feel a bit all over the place flying out the door running late for Megan and Stewart’s wedding.
I tried to get home as quickly as I could but everything seemed to happen at 3.50pm!
I have an slightly lower offer than I wanted on Abbie the Campervan from a lovely couple in Aberdeen. They haven’t seen her but in our chats backwards and forwards, she thinks I’m awesome. Isn’t that lovely.
I’ve been very truthful about the crack in the bumper (but expensive reversing camera as a result!) and a couple of rust spots. I can’t have them coming all the way from Aberdeen and not knowing things like that.
At the same time a girl asked Tartan if she could come and view it at tomorrow, knowing what I actually want.
Arrrrgggghhhhh… a lovely dilemma but it’s a dreadful feeing when you’ve struck up such a rapport with someone but it’s still a business transaction.
So I had all of that to deal with whilst trying to get ready!!
And relax. Craig is driving and I’m getting a minute to breathe!
We really must get rid of the weeds in front of the house!!!
Megan is our local dog groomer at Braw Cuts Dog Grooming and the daughter of our good friends Jim & Fiona from the village. Can’t wait to see them all in their finery!!
And I will try to calm down about van selling tonight…
Would you believe I don’t have much to say today?!?!
Check me.
I slept all night again…. I had another fab sleep. I start progesterone again tomorrow night. Goodness only knows how much I will sleep when I’m back on that… maybe all day. 😆
It was another good day at work. A bit quieter today, a bit less manic for once. Maybe I was a bit less manic. I felt really in control, really clear headed. I felt like the voice of reason today.
Unheard of.
So I’m not gonna write a lot tonight.
I’m going to share a video clip that Craig posted today as I am SOOOOOO proud of him. I think this is super professional and I didn’t even realise it was his voice straight away. I’m so proud of the amount of work he’s doing to build his business.
Hope you enjoy it. Our little Runtie Pup Freya was too cute!
We have a busy day tomorrow. We’re working all day and have Megan and Stewart’s wedding at night. I have to “fly” home from work to get ready and head out to Dalduff Farm in near Maybole which is a fair drive.
I’m fairly certain what I’m wearing but I’ve not looked it out yet. Really should do that tonight!!
Actually today wasn’t really manic at all, I just smiled at that heading. 😁
The English part of the UK had a bank holiday today which meant the Scottish part of the UK got no answers to any phone calls today. 😆. It also means that it was ghostly quiet with no emails etc.
Strangely for a Monday, the phone didn’t go like the clappers either 😂
I had another amazing sleep. You’re sick of hearing that eh?! I don’t know why my sleep is so good just now, usually the 2 weeks off the progesterone is not as good but hey, I’ll take it.
Work went by fast oh and wait until you see what Ellison bought me today…..
MY PHOTOS ON WEE FRIDGE MAGNETS!!!!!
How lovely is that?! I was really touched….. also shows me what is possible with them, if I could have the confidence to do something with them!! That rose just looks stunning.
I had to go for a food shopping after work tonight… I have to say it was not fun. My head was all over the place, I couldn’t think straight at all. I’ve ended up with a whole lot of everything and nothing. It was a last minute thought so no list or plan. Never a good idea.
I came home, put it all away and made dinner and somehow it’s 8pm already!!
Lots of positive quotes first thing this morning so will share some of them.
And this next one… wow wow wow wow and wow!!!
I am in control of my own destiny. There are times when something side swipes me and I forget that but most of the time I know this is 100% true. My problems are my own.
I slept like a log last night. Isn’t it amazing that I can say that almost every other day. I fell asleep on the couch watching a movie at about 9pm and slept for over an hour.
Then I couldn’t wake up this morning. Actually stayed in bed until after 8am this morning. Check me!
We decided on another day in the garden. We started off talking about next years’ holidays….. decisions, decisions. We both agreed we would love to go back to Iceland 🇮🇸 again. So much still to see and do. I also have a list, the length of my arm, of places that I would like to go and see. We mulled that over, over coffee, sitting in the garden.
It’s another nice day, cooler and cloudier but still nice.
Back to the gardening it is!
All of these are the before….. then after.
Then just some after shots that I didn’t take before!
The ground still looks covered in weeds but it’s amazing compared to what it was before. We also had to shore up the giant hydrangea as it’s been falling down with its own weight.
Also my new favourite path taking shape. Still a long way to go with that.
We haven’t spent any real time in the garden this year. I’ve never felt any desire to do gardening for a few years now. I always wanted to be away in the van. It’s been really nice to tidy it all up these last few days. We’re now sitting outside with a fire pit.
I thought the forecast was meant to be lovely but it’s cloudy and cooler now. The fire is toasty!
I did stop for another healthy salad lunch today.
I’m still loving my mixed salads in the big tub. Today was applewood smoked cheese with wafer thin chicken, olives and feta, sun-dried tomatoes and a cheese filled pepper.
Super tasty!
As we sit by the fire-pit, I got back onto the subject of holidays.
I’ve been using the love holidays app recently and went to look at Croatia. It’s one of the warmer places I fancied due to the Game of Thrones filming locations.
We know that Dubrovnik is one of, if not the most, visited cities, in the world. I found a beautiful 3 star hotel, 40 minutes from Dubrovnik and 15 minutes from the airport, in the town of Cavtat.
I found a great deal, the first place I looked and such a stunning location. We’ve booked a week at the end of September 2024!!!
The holiday was only £615 each for bed and breakfast for 7 nights. I thought that was really good. Weather wise we should be past the worst of the heat and we’re away from the crowds too.
Photos are obviously courtesy of love holidays and I have not just jetted out there to take some photos!! I didn’t look at anything else as this just felt perfect. It has 4.5 stars on trip advisor.
The good thing about booking so far in advance is that you get pay it up. This works out at just over £100 a month which is easily doable. Something to really look forward to!!
So I’ve had another great day. I’m calm. I’m happy. I’m excited as I now have two foreign holidays and a wee trip to Devon to look forward to.
I’ve not had much interest in the van but I think the market is slow. I’m not in any rush to sell, so I won’t just give it away, but I am super excited about travelling abroad now and doing something different. I’ve also looked at going back to Edinburgh to meet Mum again and maybe visit Edinburgh Castle. I no longer want to be stuck in a field looking at the rest of a campsite.
Funny how your priorities change. A few people can’t believe I’m selling her, I know this feels right. Camping brought me a whole load of stress, where to book, when to go, what’s the weather looking like, was it dog friendly etc etc. now I can just pack a bag and head off somewhere!! Sounds like a plan!!
Another great sleep but awake at 5am… on a Saturday dammit. I tried to go back to sleep for 2 hours but it wasn’t happening! I finally got up at 7am.
We sat and had a coffee then I got ready to take the dogs out.
It’s actually a lovely morning. It’s warm and sunny… I didn’t realise.
These cows were watching us! 🐮🐮🐮
Lovely blue sky 💙
Big shadows this morning!
The cow guy was making some noise as we walked towards it! went silent for the photo!
Scary moo coo.
So when I got back I got straight into the gardening. I didn’t plan to do any, and the forecast was for rain all day. Thought I may as well be outside since it was warm and dry.
It was proper back breaking stuff. Trying to take as many roots out of the ground as I could. I even moved some plants around, which I may regret, but, the garden at the bottom was very congested. If the moved plants take up the top then great but if not, you couldn’t see them anyway.
When we first moved in here, the back of the garden was fully overgrown. We paid to have it cleared and then put bark down.
Big mistake.
That’s not fair actually, it served its purpose at the time but bark eventually mulches down and becomes mud. We’ve added layer upon layer of bark in order to dry up the mud, but it keeps mulching down.
We have decided to do away with the bark but it’s slow progress. Hoping for as much free artificial grass as we can get.
I found a path that we covered up and have been digging that back out.
It’s slow progress as I get sore hands and arms…. And I do get bored with it!
I’ve been thinking for a good few weeks that I must get back to exercise. I feel guilty for not doing any and I have sag where I haven’t sagged for years.
I need to remember that the dog walk and a full workout in the garden count too! It was a hard slog.
I had a shower and washed mud out my hair and came back out to sit and let my hair dry.
I am shattered. I am silent. I’m not gonna give you the chat of your life tonight. (Think Craig has sussed this already)
I am beyond calm.
I am thinking of nothing. Maybe a nap would have been a good idea.
This is not the best photo but it shows where I was working today.
Another full nights sleep last night. Just bliss…. Up bright and breezy today to get my toes painted and eyebrows done before heading off to Edinburgh to spend the day with Mum.
Mum doesn’t need me to have my eyebrows done and toes painted 😆 but the girl I go to only works a Thursday and Friday, so I’m restricted to those days. She changed my 9.30 appointment to 8.30 which was really lovely of her. We have another wedding on Wednesday night!
So I’m on the 9.12 train from Glengarnock, North Ayrshire to Edinburgh Waverley, via Glasgow Central. It’s been a long time since I got the train and the ticket was £41.40!!! On the grand scheme of things, it’s not that much but I think I expected about £25 😆 times are changing!
For those of you who don’t know, I’m an Edinburgh girl. I was born in Edinburgh at the Simpsons Memorial Maternity Pavilion (I’ve always loved the lilt that has) and grew up in Penicuik about 10 miles south of Edinburgh. I went to Napier University in Edinburgh so it was always my old stomping ground.
Thinking on it, even back then I felt bit different. When everyone was obsessed with going out, partying and drinking, I’d much rather have stayed at home. I did go out but I never really enjoyed it. I think that drinking helped me relax and forget my discomfort and there the story begins…
So back to today, sadly the forecast is pretty wet. It was sunny when I got on the train but spotted this 🌈.
And now it’s raining!
So into Glasgow Central.
Had to hot foot it across Glasgow to Queen Street Station for the Express Train to Edinburgh. It only take 50 minutes.
Nelson Mandela Square a bit wobbly while crossing the road!
Honestly Glasgow feels so alien to me now. We are never in the city anymore. There are people everywhere, obviously. Jeez that’s a bit of a scary selfie in Buchanan Street.
The Edinburgh train is heaving! It’s lovely to see loads of tourists heading to Edinburgh.
I am so excited to be on the train. It feels like a real adventure. I feel like I’m on holiday. This is the station from a bridge above it later on in the day.
Met mum and we walked up Cockburn Street!
Made famous by the Avengers movie.
When I was a teenager I used to get lots of my stuff out a shop at by the bottom called Cockburn Market…. It’s not there anymore 😂😂
We turned up on the Royal Mile and headed up towards Edinburgh Castle. That’s St Giles Cathedral where the Queen lay in state in Scotland before flying back down to London.
This is Deacon Brodies pub that I used to go to in my student days.
Looking back down the Royal Mile. Blue sky!
Thought this was a lovely building almost up at the Castle. The Scottish Whisky Experience.
I didn’t think the Castle Esplanade would be open to the public as the Edinburgh Tattoo scaffolding is all set up. It was but we didn’t get in to the castle as it was fully booked. Never realised that it could be but I guess during the Edinburgh Festival, that would be obvious!
Never going to get a photo without lots of people but thought I was pretty lucky with this!
Looking back down the castle esplanade to the Tattoo seating!
It got really dark!
And then the heavens opened!!!
This piper was really good.
Heading down the Mound to Princes St Gardens. This is the Bank of Scotland…. I want to say Head Office. If it’s not, it should be.
Walking down the steps towards the National Gallery and Princes Street, in the pouring rain.
Lovely view of the Sir Walter Scott Monument.
Think this is the best photo of the day as there were no people in it!
Mum took me to the Scottish Cafe and Restaurant for lunch. It was a lovely treat!
I had a buttery with wild mushrooms and soft cheese. It was really lovely.
Looking over Princes Street Gardens. This is where the Christmas Market is held every year. It’s nice to see it uncovered and green.
The Balmoral Hotel looking very imposing on the East End of Princes Street.
The new St James Shopping Centre… it’s streets ahea of what it was when I was a kid. More designer shops that anything else. It’s a lovely shopping centre but I’m not sure I’d feel the need to rush back.
There’s a lovely view from it, down over Leith and looking out to the Firth of Forth.
We popped into Harvey Nichols… way outta my league! We just did a tour of the escalators. The one pair of trainers I looked at were £595 😳 didn’t like them that much!
Mum headed off to the bus station to catch the bus back to Penicuik and I headed back down to Waverley for the Train to Glasgow Queen Street. It was so lovely to get to spend the day with her and do something different!
I passed the Royal Bank of Scotland on St Andrews Square. It’s been there since I was wee… and obviously a long time before that!
Crossing Princes Street looking west. It’s still really quite dark but dry.
Here’s a tram passing.
Back into Edinburgh Waverley.
It was such a lovely trip. I love being on the train and I’ve enjoyed exploring today almost as much as being on the PS Waverley. 🚢 it was lovely to see Mum as I can’t remember the last time we did something like that.
The train trip went really quickly writing this. I should have been a bit more present in the moment.
I had nothing to write about today. Been putting off putting “pen” to “paper” as I’m a bit bored writing that I had a busy day at work!! I did and I slept really well again… I love a great nights sleep!!
So maybe on day 1234 it’s time for a stat update. You know how I love a stat!
The biggest stat of all 1694 days without alcohol
1244 days since I lost my job due to my anxiety and depression (legally position made redundant)
878 days since I started work at Tartan Campers
740 days without anti-depressants
301 days since I started HRT
247 days since I started daily fasting
The not drinking and lack of anti depressants still blow me away.
If you had ever told me 1695 days ago, that I would stop drinking AND not be managing life without strong antidepressants, I would never have believed you.
I was so unhappy back then. I was busy trying so hard to live a life that was destroying me. I would have changed so much, if I knew then, what I know now. I can’t regret any of that because it gave me the chance to see what I can see now. That life doesn’t have to be lived at 100 miles an hour. That’s you don’t have to make everyone else happy to the detriment of yourself. That I matter.
My opinion matters.
My needs matter.
I count.
I love that I know that now.
I love that I think that.
I love that I really mean that.
I know that I hide from reality sometimes.
I crave alone time and peace.
I love deep and meaningful conversations but since I stopped drinking I just can’t seem to manage small talk.
I have to avoid any subjects that steal my peace.
The news is a complete no-no.
I can’t cope with any drama.
I like life to be simple and calm and peaceful.
It might seem boring to some but I love my new reality.
Craig married a Senior Manager in a suit, makeup and high heels and stood by my side as I made huge decisions that would change our lives forever. I’m so very grateful for his love and support.
I now walk out the door in jeans or tartan joggers and a T-shirt and I’ve never been more comfortable. I mostly don’t care what I look like and hardly ever wear make up.
I can breathe.
I still have bad days.
My anxiety can scream at me at fever pitch when something doesn’t sit right with me.
My fight or flight reflex is still really hard to ignore at times.
I can be the one who says the wrong thing at times. I can overreact. I can snap.
I love exploring all of this through writing The Rambling Sloth. It really helps to try and understand my thoughts, feelings and mood swings.
I am desperate to see more of the world. I’ve always said I want to see every country. I love exploring!
So yeah, it’s been a journey and a half.
I’d like to thank everyone who takes the time to read this. I can’t tell you how much that means. Until you quote it back to me… then I cringe. 🤦🏻♀️😂😂
I actually worked on my blanket tonight at Crochet.
Check me!
That’s the first time in a very long time. I am tying up the ends of my blanket trying to finally finish it. This has been a real labour of love.
We had a really great chat and put the world to “tights” tonight (as I may have written once, a long time ago, and it stuck!)
It’s 8.35pm already so it’s just a quickie tonight. I’ve been awake since 4am thinking about work and then had another busy day. Gonna get an early night tonight.
Good sleep despite having to get up at 2.30am to shut the window. The wind and rain were really loud overnight last night.
I was boyed up by my new found enthusiasm for life, but the weather was so dreich today and I found myself drained as the day went on. I felt bored by the mundane. To be fair today was stock check day which I sometimes love but today just felt like a chore as I have so many other things to do. Negative Nelly started talking me down again. By the time I came home I was raging that I couldn’t drink to numb my mind. Pissed off with myself for being strict with the fast so that I couldn’t gorge myself with chocolate to cheer me up.
Just BORED…..
I know great things come from boredom but I have so many things I just can’t be bothered doing.
I came straight in and made dinner and didn’t stuff myself full of snacks afterwards, but hit the fasting button straight away at 5.22pm. That will be me until lunch tomorrow. She who needs a bikini body by the end of September, can’t afford to eat junk!!
So we sat down over dinner with an old faithful show, New Amsterdam, and my whole body relaxed because I couldn’t listen to the voice in my head bitching about things that annoyed me. I shut her up.
Then I went to the Kinisi Flow class in the village hall at 6.30pm. I was looking forward to it (I’m as surprised as anyone else!) and I really enjoyed it.
I no longer feel bored. I feel tired but content.
I want to live in this bubble of happiness and awe and wonder at life 24/7 but life is not like that. I need to work at letting things go. Not over dramatising them in my head to make them bigger. the more we talk about them and share the story, the bigger we make them to soothe our own ego.
Just let things be and let them go.
I’m so full of wisdom as I write this…. 😂 not so much at the time!
Anyhoo….. I’ve been meaning to talk about the virtues of Castor Oil for weeks now and keep forgetting.
Ellison introduced me to Dr Barbara O’Neill on TikTok but also Insta and how castor oil has a number of amazing properties… not least of the reduction of inflammation, cysts and the like, in the body.
I bought a giant bottle for just over a tenner, and am going to bed at night with pads of castor oil in a sports bra to help reduce the 20+ cysts I have up there. Now this would be funny if Doc Barbara has shares in castor oil, but honestly she speaks very fluently about natural body healing. ❤️🩹 also not gonna lie, it’s a real commitment. Castor oil is a messy business, it does stain the sheets if it leaks out…. I’ve not done it for a few weeks now but I am going to go back to it. I even went to bed one night with a pad full of castor oil clingfilmed to my ankle!!!!! Life doesn’t get much crazier than that… and I wonder why I’m tired all the time. Thinking all this through! 😂
Anyway, a great end to the day. I’m standing in the garden, throwing balls for the doggos and leaning against a wall writing this. The seat is too wet because it poured with rain ALL day. That fine rain that soaks you. 😂
I had THE best sleep last night. Soooo good. Work up at 5.45 and don’t remember anything all night. Love that. More of that tonight please.
I went into work feeling positive for the day ahead…. And walked straight into one thing after another. All work plans out the window as I fire fought one thing to the next. When something goes “wrong” my inner voice is so negative. There was an issue with a part delivered today and I could blame myself to the moon and back, but at the end of the day we thought one thing and the supplier thought another. It’s just one of those things that happens. Who’s fault is it?!?!?! Quite frankly there’s a bit on both sides and the half hour wasted on how can we apportion blame, is just a waste of time. They have pulled it out the bag and will sort the issue this week. Yes, we have to determine how we can stop that from happening in future and that’s something I will always work at.
What surprised me is how negative my inner voice can get. Its always been there. Putting me down. I’m just so much more aware of it now.
It’s almost like a part of me revels in the fact that something, under my responsibility, had gone wrong, again. Trying to make me feel anxious, trying to make me stress out and feel bad. That voice wants me to take the blame for everything, to prove that I’m useless, to make me think that I’m not good enough to do my job. It’s really bad but I actually think it’s really positive that I am aware of it. At least some days.
I wonder why I do that?!?? Why do I have such little self worth that I would revel in screwing something up, only to justify how rubbish I am?!?
There were a few things today that tried to pull me down but I didn’t let it win. What I did instead, was be proud of how I handled it and how quickly I got it resolved. Files from previous jobs held all the information that I needed and I found it clearly and calmly. That’ll show you Negative Nelly.
I know how crazy all of this sounds but I’m fascinated by it all…. Certainly on the days that I can see it for what it is.
Someone had a good walk round Abbie the Campervan today so that was exciting. At least it’s a start. I know she will sell but it’s been a slow start so I’ve been a bit disheartened. Negative Nelly enjoys being disheartened. 🤦🏻♀️😂
On the way home tonight, I rounded a bed to find two cars driving straight towards me. One was overtaking and only just pulled in in front of me. He waved to apologise but oh my god…. The wave of adrenaline that went through me was something else. I had the shakes the rest of the way home.
It’s already 8.25 as I’ve been out in the garden. I’ve had no real purpose, I’ve just been doing a lot of bits and pieces. I’ve done some weeding, some digging and some clearing and binning of rubbish that had gathered around the garden over the years. It feels so good to have a bit of a tidy up.
I had a headache on the way home and knew I couldn’t have another night just sitting in front of the tv. I desperately wanted to do nothing and just chill out and relax, but I knew it wouldn’t be good for me.
So the headache is gone and I have really accomplished something. It feels good.
Oh and I made a chicken stir fry for dinner tonight too!
Oooh I did not get the best sleep last night. I’m not sure why? I read until late to try to finish my book and maybe my head was buzzing?!?!
I’d actually had a fairly antsy evening, considering I’d had such a lovely day. I could not decide what I wanted to watch on tv. I started the Sixth Commandment on iPlayer but I couldn’t get into it. I needed something bright and cheerful rather than dark and intense.
I had the room all lit with candles as it had been such a dark afternoon.
These two were sitting at the top of the stairs when I sent them up to bed last night. Too cute. Please don’t make us go in our room mum… please can we come and sleep with you?!?
I didn’t feel the need to sleep with a herd of wildebeest!!
I didn’t get to sleep until about 1pm and woke again at 3 and finally at 6. I suppose I should be grateful I slept through the “5am alarm” which wakes me most days.
I dried up the last of the defrosting freezer and put the oven trays and shelves back in the oven. I forgot I’d cleaned all of them yesterday too. Well, I tried my best. I popped half in the sink and half in the bath with dishwasher salts. It’s amazing how much it lifts. I’m also very proud of my freshly defrosted freezer!!
I took the dogs out at 7.30am… no photos this morning as it’s very non descript weather. Hmmm that appears to not be a word?!? Who knew?!?
I did take these lovely flowers on the way into the village…. With the pylon in the background!
Gayle and I are heading to the Scottish Exhibition Centre for Scotland’s Trade Fair again…. Assuming this will be the autumn/winter collection….. oh jeez and probably Christmas!!! I never thought of that… how will I cope this early on?!?! 😂😂
Here we are, about to go in!!
So it was much smaller than the one in January. Only one small hall. I think we were both a little disappointed…. strangely there was virtually no Christmas stuff out either!!! I didn’t expect that. It was worth it for a couple of suppliers that Gayle got to meet though.
To be fair, all the gift shops will have had to order Christmas stuff months ago but I hadn’t realised that. We had a lovely wee day anyway and Gayle bought us a huge chunk of Red Velvet Cake and coffee.
The motorway was heaving when we left the centre of Glasgow so Gayle took me the scenic route through her old stomping ground, Renfrew and Paisley!!
I have never been to Renfrew. She gave me a wee tour with running commentary.
How pretty is the Town Hall?!? Very Bavarian I thought? Lovely flowers on the central reservation too.
One of things I want to do this next year is to go on tours where people take me around and show me the sights!!! Exactly what today was.
It’s sunny now that I’m home but still really windy. I’ve tried to sit outside to write this but had to come in when the sun went behind a cloud.
This next one really spoke to me. “The dark tunnel of changes leads to the light of possibility”.
During everything I went through, as awful as it was, I always knew I would be ok. I always knew things would work out, I knew I wouldn’t lose the house, I knew it would eventually be ok.
This calm of the last week has been so lovely. I am truly grateful for every day. I’m not wishing it to be over, or wishing for the next day. I’m happy and content in my own head. Yes I want to sell the van and look for my next thing, yes I’m looking forward to my holiday but I am not wishing my life away.
I’ve said it before but I am so grateful to have had that wake up call. I stopped fighting for a life I had outgrown. I sat in Gran’s chair and went through some pretty dark times but it was all worth it to find this version of me.
So here’s your Sunday reminder that we can take anything life throws at us.
I am having the loveliest wee day to myself. I am super productive when Craig is not here, what is that all about?!? How do I get so much done when I’m on my own, yet lounge about moaning about being “tired” when he’s here?!?
I had the best sleep. Out for the count until my body clock woke me at 5.02am. I’m waking up at Scottish Dog Behaviourist time, even when he’s not here!!
I checked the weather and my phone and all was quiet despite quite a bad storm overnight, Craig & Calaidh must have survived the night in the tent!
I managed to fall back to sleep until just before 8am. That’s more like it.
I got Bhruic and Freya up and straight out for a walk after their breakfast.
It’s strange weather, pretty windy and obviously had been very wet, but the wind was warm and the sky very dramatic.
On one hand very sunny but on the other very mean and moody!
I came home and got stuck into the housework. It’s amazing how clean your house can be when you actually clean it…. Ok I know! Obvious…… now I have a bit more time, it’s easier to stay on top of it. I’ve done two washings and have hoovered the whole house again.
This is a part of our Shark anti hair wrap hoover…. I’ve been SO disappointed with it since we got it, years ago now to be fair. It seems to delight in wrapping hair instead.
To be fair, it still does it’s job as THIS is how much hair it picks up from one rug in one week.
I do fight a loosing battle with housework. We both have long hair and we have 3 dogs… she who once lived alone in a spotless house, had to relax some standards. There are times when I think I relaxed them way too much but hey… life is not all about housework. 😂
I headed out for a food shopping at 11.30… now this is quite unheard of for me. If I’m doing anything like that, I usually have to go first thing, so I’m there before anyone else and can get parked and first choice of everything…. Blah, blah. Today I broke my own rule…. Didn’t even consider the panic a mid day shop would sometimes bring. Just did it.
I thought this was a very Scottish supermarket photo!
On my way back, I headed to Curiosity which has just opened in Beith. It sells coffee, cakes and a few wee curiosities.
This is Lesley who owns it. She came to the little gift shop a few weeks back and brought us a free coffee. I finally got there today.
It’s a beautiful space. I love the colours. there’s only one wee table, so will mostly be takeaway.
I had a Mint Oak Milk Latte, really randomly as I have NEVER put mint in a coffee, but wow…. It was soooo good. The coffee is lovely, really mellow. I also had a Rhubarb and Custard Blondie with chunks of hot chocolate in it. That speaks for itself!!
This is how I broke 19 hours of fasting!!
There’s a lovey unique view of the Beith Townhouse!
I love the cake cabinet.
I had a great chat with Lesley and even met Emma who has started supplying cakes to Curiosity. Cakes by Emma 🧁🧁🧁
I finally dragged myself out of there and headed back up the road. I put all the shopping away and started defrosting the freezer. As you do!
It was sunny for a wee bit there but has mostly been wet and windy today.
So who knows what relaxing things I’ll get up to tonight. I might read a bit, I might find a good movie or I might watch some more YouTube clips on the most beautiful places in the world to visit. That’s what’s on in the background as I write this.
The Rambling Sloth 🦥 