I slept like a log…. Woke at 5.50am and only remember turning over to fall asleep… that’s just how I like it. So grateful for a great sleep.
My legs feel a bit sore today and I’m suddenly aware of some of the weight I’m losing around my middle.
I much prefer my weight management as it is now. Slow and very steady, no giant losses just a gradual small win every few months or so.
It’s not as sunny this morning, the wind has picked back up so there’s a chill in the air and we’re off to walk the 3 Border Amigos together.
I didn’t take any photos!
I took Khaleesi for a wee jaunt next! She’s doing well.
I then got ready and jumped in the car to head down to Moffat to visit Mum and dad. They are staying on the campsite for the week. They have had the best weather!!
This is my drive.
We’ve had a lovely day… I’m going to write about it all tomorrow. It’s 5.30 and I’m just about to drive home.
It’s lovely to spend time together, making memories.
I’m ready for a nap but I’ll make sure I get home first!
Our bedroom is up in the apex of a 300+ year old cottage and it’s warm up there when the sun shines. Doesn’t help that we have a 10.5 tog duvet on either mind you. 😬😆
I woke at 1.12am and lay until 1.45 when I finally went downstairs and fell asleep on the couch.
I felt shattered when the alarm went off at 5.30am…. Despite being in bed from 9pm. 😆
It’s a much clouder and misty morning so it feels cooler and I’m running with Claire today.
It’s her birthday! Happy birthday Claire!
My headtorch died on the way home this morning, must charge it up.
It’s dark the whole run this morning. It’s slower than the last few days but my legs are tired.
We were finished at 4.5k but I wanted to get to 5k just so I could say I’ve run 15kms this week.
I have to say I’m really chuffed with that.
Claire and I had a great “gossip paced chat” – we saw that quoted on Insta 😆
We ran a slightly different route today which mixed it up a bit too.
The clouds cleared about 10am ish and the sun came through and it’s been another scorcher. The forecast say highs of 18°C but the temperature has been up in the 20’s.
It’s lovely.
I think, other than the heat obviously, it’s the a lack of wind that I love. It’s so calm.
That always helps my head.
The day went quickly again and Ellison and I got out half hour out in the weed garden in the car park at work 😆 it’s hard to go back into the metal portacabin after that.
So yeah, not much else to report today.
I love this next one. It’s so very true.
We’re out in the back garden and I have my neck stretched to catch the last rays of the sun.
Khaleesi was trying to get in on the act!
Neville the cat from next door managed to silhouette my sunset!
Happy days.
A last minute decision to go and meet mum and dad tomorrow, so looking forward to that.
I didn’t sleep well last night…. Not sure why, I was just restless. It was very mild through the night, the window was open but there wasn’t a breath of air.
The alarm went off at 5.30am as I was running again this morning!
I wanted to run a bit more this week as we are going on holiday and I’ve ended up running 3 days this week… not counting Saturday!
It was even more beautiful this morning than it was yesterday.
I hadn’t even noticed the moon until Lynsey pointed it out! It was massive. The photo doesn’t do it justice.
I love this next shot…. Bearing in mind we are running and when we stop to take photos, I have to get the phone out its pouch and hold it still for 3 seconds to capture the shot. The light of the moon versus the orange glow of the streetlights through the trees.
Sunrise is coming.
Unfortunately this was blurry but I spotted a Tartan campervan as we ran!!
I cannot tell you how much I love this time of day.
The world is quiet. So much of it is still sleeping and here we are, out plodding away.
And we’re done. Another 5k under our belt.
I had tired legs but it ended up being a faster run than yesterday and that’s with the stops for the photos. I was pretty pleased with that.
I took some photos of the moon before I went in for my shower.
Shame about the speed restriction sign!
This was the sky as I went to work!
It has been a scorcher today…. 22°C.
Ellison and I sat outside for lunch… check our view… we sat among the weeds 😆
It’s 6.20 and I’ve been out in the garden since I got home. It’s still hot. Just lovely.
I’m getting cuddles from Baby Freya.
Why do I feel there should be a caption to this photo?!?
It’s been a beautiful day! Apart from having to work it’s just been perfect. Yet I’m very grateful that I have a job… you know what I mean. I’d rather have been at the beach.
My head has been good all week. No drama, no fuss.
So I’ve got 5 minutes to get out of my shorts and into the pub for crochet. There are only 3 of us hookers tonight!
The moon was amazing when I went to bed last night.
When the alarm went off at 5.30am, I had a red alert for Aurora from the Aurora Watch app.
I ran straight out into the garden, once I was dressed obviously, into the dark. Funny how the morning dark is less scary for me than the night dark. 🤷🏻♀️
Nothing…. These photos make it look a lot lighter than it actually was.
Can you spot the light in the window?! Craig is on his phone in the bedroom… it made me laugh!
No sign of the Northern Lights.
I had the best run this morning!
My breathing wasn’t laboured, my legs weren’t heavy, it was a lovely morning, mild without being too hot and the company was fab as usual.
I feel like this is the fastest i have run but Strava wasn’t for giving me any speed awards 😆, so I can’t have been a PB.
I was buzzing when I finished and headed into a cold shower. It was a really good one.
Work was good again today and really busy. I’m soooo ready for a break though.
This is my welcome when I get home. I just couldn’t get Khaleesi in the shot.
This looks a bit strange as I had to widen the lens to fit all 4 dogs in.
It’s a lovely calm evening so I ate dinner outside. I have a watermelon, red onion in lime and Feta cheese salad with raspberries, blueberries, peppers, cucumber and tomatoes.
It’s really lovely. I love my tubs of salads… turning them upside down to mix them around. I had a few oatcakes too.
This is the time of year that our gorgeous ivy starts to turn red… it’s a beautiful sight to watch. I’ll try to remember to take photos again as it turns. When I was off sick with anxiety and depression in 2018-2020, I would sit and watch the ivy every day. Its colour never ceased to amaze me. I found gratitude in its beauty and started to appreciate nature for all that it was.
The hydrangea are starting to turn as well.
The sky has finally turned blue. It’s been warm but cloudy all day.
Another lovely few days to come for us in Scotland.
Did anyone see the size of the moon last night?!? It was soooo bright. I got up to go to the loo at midnight and it looked like we had left a bedroom light on.
Two very different shots.
It’s been a lovely day today. This is the sky as I left for work.
Ellison and I got to sit out at lunch time. I love getting away from my desk and getting some fresh air.
I got a photo of Angus the Tartan Campervan. It’s so lovely to see the sunshine and spot a Scotland flag in the sky. 🏴
Work was really busy again and the day flew by.
I’m still feeling good and in control. I was a but anxious about a particular job today. Driving into work, I had to keep pulling myself back to focus on the present moment. I realised I was sitting forward in the seat. Hands clenched on the wheel almost racing to get in early. I sat back, straightened my back, relaxed my shoulders and hands, wiggled my jaw… it’s amazing how tense you get when you take a step back and become aware of it. it’s only because I care.
This made me laugh a bit too hard.
This is our weather coming this week…. 🙌🏼🙌🏼
Yay!
We sat outside after work today and had dinner… it chilled over and I came in and started ironing my holiday clothes… Claire shared this with me the other day. It’s so true.
I hate ironing and don’t even iron anything… yet here I am ironing everything to take away for a week. How funny?! I also actually enjoyed it.
So that’s all for tonight. Khaleesi and I are curled up on the couch. She’s comfy and I’m perched on the edge!
I had a lovely evening last night curled up with the dogs as we watched movies.
The astute among you may spot the Christmas jammie bottoms…. 🫣 They’re the only ones I have left that are still decent enough to wear. 😆🎄🎅🏼🤶🏼
I had the most amazing sleep.
We didn’t got to bed until 11, which is late for me… I didn’t even stir until 7am… the next time I looked at my watch, it was 8.25am. Musta needed it!
I woke up feeling so grateful for such a lovely, relaxing sleep…. As I write this now, I’d like to just get back into bed 😆
I felt so refreshed and I’ve had such a lovely day.
I got up and headed out with the 3 pupsketeers. They had a good run about in the fields. I shared a few videos on my instagram and FB.
This one has just been cut so you can avoid the muddy bits.
It doesn’t look the prettiest anymore…. It’ll be a wee while before it goes green again.
I came home and took Khaleesi out for a quick walk across the road. She did well again today, walking slowly and putting her back paw down about 90% of the time.
She started to hop after about 10 minutes so I brought her back.
I then went to Tesco for a small food shop. I’m trying to use up some of what we have in the cupboards this week, so I didn’t buy much.
I decided to take the car through the car wash as it’s sooo dirty. I usually wash it at Tartan but haven’t had a chance recently. That’s actually not true…. I’ve can’t be bothered when I’ve finished work.
So I went into Tesco petrol station and thought I’d hoover it out first…. Big mistake. The hoover emptied more into my car that it sooked out 😆 I tried to unblock it, but nothing was shifting it. I got the lady out to check it all but I’d lost my pound and she couldn’t clear it…. She did empty lots of cigarette douts out of it, I mean who hoovers an ashtray?!?!? I had smelled some ash when I was attempting to hoover mine. I’m kinda glad none of them fell out in my car!!
So through the car wash and home to hoover out the car! I even cleaned the windows. I’m so chuffed with myself as I’ve been wanting to do it for so long.
I work best when I surprise myself with things like this. 😆
I was still not finished…. I made a chickpea and spinach curry for this week. I forgot to take photos. I was a 10 minute Recipe
I’m looking forward to it. I tidied up after myself like you’d never know I’d been there. Gentlemen take note 😆
Don’t be fooled by this gorgeous little face.
She knows exactly what she’s doing, keeping the banana away from Calaidh.
She’s no daft. 😆
She pretends she doesn’t know. Calaidh is there behind her…. 😆 Calaidh is pretending she isn’t there for the banana… just a-hanging around… they are comical.
Think Khaleesi is happy?!?!?
So I had planned to put some clothes up for sale today but ended up doing everything else but…. That’s ok. I’ve enjoyed myself.
It’s 4.10pm and I just want to go for a nap now. I’m so sleepy but in a really relaxed way.
I feel so calm and content. I’ve had a lovely weekend. No stress, no tension, no boredom. Apart from some anxiety on Friday morning, there’s been nothing out of balance.
Long may that continue.
Of course, a weeks’ holiday in 10 days always helps.
Here’s hoping we see a sky like this. 💛🧡🩷❤️💜
So here’s a reminder to enjoy the week ahead and remember that we can all take everything that’s thrown at us. We have survived 100% of our days so far.
Give Coffee & Quotes a follow on FB… I just love it!
I slept right through to the alarm at 6.30am, just the best….. and ran 6.5Kms before 7.30am.
I did stop my watch when I thought we were finished…. But no…. Back to it.
I ran with the same girls that ran the 10k back in August… it was much better weather today!
I loved running this morning. I felt good and comfortable most of the run. that’s two in a row that have gone really well.
I’m so pleased that I’ve got in to regular running and hope it doesn’t get too difficult as the winter sets in.
I was back in the shop this morning which was lovely.
I played with the dogs for a bit when I got back…
We have to keep a hold on Khaleesi so she can’t run after the ball. 😆 just lemme go, she says!!
We just have to keep an eye on her all the time…
Who knew the top of my head had gone so grey…..
Cuddles with Khaleesi
The Gateside Horticultural Society had their flower show today.
Here are some of the stunning exhibits.
I think portrait mode on my new phone can be a bit blurry at times….
This next one won best in show!
This was the display that we were all routing for! Nancy did the beautiful flower arrangement and Holly did the chocolate mint dessert (WHICH IS NOW IN MY HOUSE FOR LATER!!!!) and Aimee made the LOVELY crochet bookmark. They won third prize!
I can’t rave about the mint chocolate mousse enough 😆
These leeks were massive!
These photos don’t do the scale any justice. All of the veg is huge 😆
Now this is a whole lot of kale!! 🥬
The kids did these flower displays.
We ended up in the pub for a couple. I’ve enjoyed seeing our neighbours as we haven’t caught up in a while.
In the list of national days, today is National Sober Day!
I’m so proud to be on day 2,081 of my sober journey. That will be SIX years come January. It’s just a way of life now. One that I am so very proud of. I never would have wanted to stand out from the crowd, to be different, to be socially awkward and yet here I am… 😬 it’s what keeps me sane these days… literally.
I woke at 3.21am and my mind ran wild…. I was worrying about things that aren’t mine to worry about. It felt like I took forever to fall back to sleep… but I must have, as I woke after 7am.
It’s another lovely sunny day. It’s chilly but it’s really calm. Think we get the wind back tomorrow….
Craig and I sat and had coffee and chatted before he got ready for work and I headed out with the Border trio.
Poor Khaleesi left behind again.
I knew my anxiety was still pumping around my system.
I have a pain in my chest, I feel panicked, a bit short of breath…. But it’s a lovely morning.
So nice to see the sun in the sky.
This gate shadow is MASSIVE.
The clouds were lovely…
I love all these hanging baskets. They’re lovely all year around.
Shadows!
Bliss….
The colours are just so vibrant in the sun… I am definitely a fair weather photographer.
Heading home.
So now, a little bit about Khaleesi.
Craig had her back at Armour Vets yesterday as she still wasn’t putting any weight on her bad leg. We’ve been really worried about her as she should have been back to full health by the start of September. Better than she was before….
She’s been put on Librella which helps to block pain from osteoarthritis in dogs. She’s also taking Galliprant for a short time which is used for inflammation caused by osteoarthritis.
Since her operation, we’ve been feeling that some of the pain seemed to be coming from her hip as the leg is healing well. The hospital in Stirling didn’t think it was her hip but the vet is on the same page as us.
Here she is this morning. I took her for 5 minutes across the road.
Strong back leg on the ground. ♥️
Craig’s just done an amazing heartfelt post on Scottish Dog’s FB with a wee video…. To the Foo Fighters Learning to Walk Again!! Click the link…
Hoping that this might be the final piece of the jigsaw puzzle… it’s been a hard slog for her. It’s been so hard to watch her hobbling along after everything she’s gone through. This morning she used it quite consistently.
We cannot thank everyone enough for their donations to her surgery back in May.
I had a bath in the Magnesium Salts when I got home. I feel like it helped calm me down a bit. I did run a bath last night and water some salts as it was freezing!! One of the reasons I don’t like the bath is that I can’t control the temperature properly… it’s either too hot or too cold!
I have to say, my anxiety has subsided as the day went on. I’ve been at the little gift shop with Gayle. Lots of chat putting the world to rights! It always helps.
I love this space!!!
Home and met Craig in the pub next door for a couple of alcohol free Whitely Neil gins. The Gateside Flower Show is on tomorrow so we got to test some of the entries…. A mouthwatering chocolate mousse with mint ganache and a lemon curd and lemon posset! Honestly just exquisite…. That’s my new word 😆
And finally…. I hope she doesn’t mind me sharing but this is my lovely friend from the States….. I tried to say this to someone today and may have offended her…. I didn’t put it quite as well as Cheryl-Lynn. She is a master with words and a mentor and a half for me. ♥️
I had my first sleep of the month without progesterone and I slept like a log, despite lots of dreaming.
I felt so grateful to be all snuggled up in bed this morning and I watched out the window, there wasn’t a breath of air in the trees… we don’t have blinds up at our bedroom window and sometimes that’s really nice.
I even really enjoyed my shower….. I know, I hear myself!
Work was really busy and honestly, the day just passed in a flash. I have no idea where the time went. I much prefer my days like that although I did end up staying late, to finish something off.
Now this next bit is really deep and heavy but it really spoke to me. I really do believe that the Universe has my back. As woo woo as that sounds…
I went to the shops after work today to pick up some Magnesium Epsom Salts.
The Happy Place podcast recommended it for sore joints and muscles and as a lovely relax before bed….. only problem I can see is that I hate a bath 😆 I am willing to try it for research purposes though!
I also picked up this body butter for £3.99 from Home Bargains which smells divine.
I love how I get the dogs in the background… Bhru with her squeaky banana!!
I popped into the Cancer Research shop in Irvine and got 6 books for £3.
In future maybe more focus on the books rather than the dogs and the mess in the background.
I also picked up some different pasta the other day. It’s gluten free so I don’t feel like a beached whale once I’ve eaten it. I’m not gluten intolerant… it’s just something I’ve noticed that helps bloating.
I made some green pea penne pasta for dinner tonight.
I’ve actually just come outside as the sky is so clear and the sun is really low. It’s so peaceful and calm just now.
It’s been cool but lovely weather today. Ellison and I sat out at lunch.
Look at the light on the roof of the shed, lighting up the moss. I feel like Bhru is checking it out.
And relax. I’m feeling really good today. Really positive and upbeat.
I’m still watching Race Across the World while Craig is out! It’s very addictive.
But for now… starting a sentence with but… I’m going to breathe in this lovely, crisp fresh air and appreciate being alive.
It’s 6.33am and I’m writing this now so I can capture just how good it felt.
That was an amazing run! It’s not often I get one where I manage to breathe the whole way round. Maybe that’s my preferred running pace… I am buzzing. 🫶🏼🥳
I had a great sleep last night. Woke at 4.50am and the rain was lashing down. It was torrential. We had the window open and it felt cold too.
I couldn’t decide whether to wear my jacket or not…. I decided not to and it was definitely the right decision.
My arms and hands were cold to start but soon heat up.
Just the best feeling after a run and even more so when everything just fell into place. It stayed dry and the sky was amazing as we ran. No photos as I didn’t take the phone with me.
I’ve had a good day in the office today too. Working on a spreadsheet…. Bliss!
The day passed really quickly as we’ve been so busy but I’ve loved having my spreadsheet to go back to. Also laughed at having so many jobs that needed doing today while the spreadsheet was priority…. I was jumping about all over the place doing different things😆
I’ve found myself breathing very deeply today for some reason… taking huge, calming, deep breaths … not sure why but I’ve been very aware of it. If memory serves me right I remember my Nana doing that. 🫣 I’ve just done it again 😆
Off to meet the Crochet Hookers in half an hour and I might even crochet tonight.
After a strange, antsy day yesterday, I’m pleased that today has been really good.
This is such a difficult topic but one that is very close to my heart. It would be remiss of me to skip the day and not talk about it. This is a hard read Mum 😘
I have felt bad enough that I’ve suffered from suicidal thoughts.
There was a time when I felt so retched that I honestly felt that everyone would be better off without me. The anxiety is a fast forward illness where you worry about everything, panic, overthink…. It has a speed to it. Depression is a slow illness where you actually struggle to clean your teeth on a daily basis. I could go for 4 or 5 days and realise I hadn’t showered or cleaned my teeth. The two illnesses feed off, and fight each other.
I cried so much during that time.
I dreaded anyone asking how I was as I couldn’t possibly tell them how bad I felt…. AGAIN.
I just felt so awful. I couldn’t find the words to explain it. I felt like I made everyone around me so miserable. I felt like I was ruining their lives. My head told me I was taking over the lives with my torment.
It’s a dreadful illness and it lies to you. It tells you that you are worthless.
We went away for a weekend with friends and had a lovely time. I was choking back the tears the whole weekend. I tried to hide how I really felt.
I think that’s where my love of solitude came from. I don’t have to pretend anything for anyone. I can relax and just be me.
I took some selfies here so I could remember how I felt. This was a real low point for me.
It seemed to me like everyone else was enjoying their lives, while mine had completely fallen apart. I could barely think straight and I couldn’t see a future ahead of me.
That’s the real reason for me writing this blog. On the outside I seemed to have it all and I will never stop sharing that what you see is not always what it seems.
Craig came to find me and we took one of the nicest photos. See how happy I look. I was like that for a lot of the weekend. It was all an act.
I’m so glad that I never had any intentions of going through with anything. I just felt so desperate that it seemed to be the only escape from the pain.
I haven’t felt like jumping through hoops of joy today. I had a restless night and have felt shattered and antsy all day. It was lovely sunrise though.
It’s a million miles from what it was… it’s just an off day.
I don’t want to belittle this sentiment… but this morning there was a tiny frog in our porch again. I put some card under it and flicked it out the door. It went high and fast and actually gave a tiny squeal when it landed on it back with its legs all wide apart….. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that poor froglet all day. I hope it was ok. To be fair, being left on a pavement on a main road isn’t the best place for a frog to thrive. It wasn’t there when I came back from work. 🥺
So all of this was years ago now and I’m happy to say that I’ve never felt like that since 2019.
You may understand why I take my mental health so seriously. I have to be careful and do what’s best for my head.
Never be afraid of reaching out if you feel sad. Someone is always ready to listen. If you can’t talk to friends or family then these numbers are available in the UK.
I had to call the Samaritans once when I felt I had nowhere else to turn and it really helped.
Worst of all, when you are at your lowest ebb, you have to fight HARD for you.
We are the only one in control of our happiness and we have to choose how we respond. That’s very easy for me to say from a place of mental wellness. It’s very hard to hear from a place of poor mental health.
It’s good to talk, so keep talking, with anyone who will listen.
That’s my day in the title… you don’t need to read on 😆
Claire asked if anyone was available for a run this morning so I said yes before I could think about it too much. 😆
A wee 4.3kms at 6am.
It was quite dark, so we had head torches on and Claire was in her high vis, and I was just clashing with her 😆
It was a good run. I found it hard and it was a bit faster for me but I really enjoyed the chat and really enjoyed the thought of it all, once it was over 😆
Cold shower and off to work and we had a super busy day. I didn’t sit down at my desk until 9.45am. Least the day passed quickly.
It’s been a really dull and cold day today and it started to rain at 4pm when I finished work.
I had dinner then took the dogs out and got soaked!! I wore the wrong clothes again…. The high vis jacket isn’t waterproof unfortunately!
Nice look eh?!?
Poor Leesi still not getting out for a walk with her bad paw…. The other 3 are wetter than me, hence the dog goonies!
So I have put my jammies on and I have got th lamps on and I’m going to sit and relax and watch more Celebrity Race Across the World. It’s quite addictive and I have HUGE travelling envy!!
I’m feeling calm just now. I’m excited for our holiday in 16 days!
As I suspected, after all the stress and anxiety about last night, I had the loveliest of nights with a lovely group of ladies.
We meet up whenever our friend Maureen is home from the States.
Maureen, Linda and I went to Uni together and the other Linda and Sarah know her outwith Uni. I think this is the third time I’ve met up with them all over the years.
We graduated in 1995 and I dedicated my life to a man who didn’t deserve me and I kind of lost touch with them for a while. (Incidentally yesterday would have been my 28th wedding anniversary if we had still been married). I love how much they didn’t like him and it all comes out now. 😆 Anyway, the 5 of us slot back in to comfortable chat immediately and it’s great to catch up on each others’ lives. We’re all at that age where we are questioning everything.
It’s also sobering to think that we lived with each other when we were 21 🫣😆
I don’t seem to have many memories of my time at Uni. Maybe that’s purely because it was so long ago. That or the fact I was too focused on my relationship rather than my friends. I only have flashes of certain times but don’t remember any of the details.
Anyway, back to last night… after another we digression. Last weekend I spoke to Mum and Glynis about my new fear of driving. Glynis recommended getting out there and the more you drive the more confident you will become. After a day of indecision, I finally decided to drive and I’m so proud that I did.
I arrived after a faultless drive into Glasgow city centre. I drove straight into car park and parked in the first space I saw. I will admit I had the shakes but I did it.
Now…. To pay for the parking….. you have to scan a QR code… download the NCP app and start filling in the detail. 15 minutes later I find that parking is
£7.95 for 2 hours
£12.95 for 10 hours
With nothing in between…. 🫣
No wonder the car park has spaces.
By this time I’m just paying it. I guess that’s how many of the car parks get their money these days?!?
To be fair it is bang in the centre of the Merchant City in Glasgow so I really shouldn’t complain!
We met at Table Twenty-Eight in the Merchant Square. Town was busy. There were a whole lotta people… 😆 she who solo travels felt very “out there” walking alone through Glasgow last night. I felt like there were flashing lights highlighting my lack of experience in the city culture. 😆
I actually dressed up and put on the jump suit I wore to my 50th birthday. This is not the best photo but Craig took this before I left.
The food was amazing. They had a good vegetarian/vegan range too.
I had Truffle Parmesan Polenta with smoked aubergines, vegan ‘nduja, crispy garlic and chilli oil. It was so good. Polenta is very like semolina but it really worked.
Linda and I also shared her skinny fries and some Honey, Garlic and Soy cauliflower bites. They were exquisite!!
Dessert was sticky toffee pudding with whiskey and pistachio ice-cream. My mouth is watering again at the thought.
None of the photos are great 😆 I also felt uncomfortable being that person that took photos of food 😆
It’s been a very long time since I saw midnight…. I arrived home just before 12.
I knew I would have a lovely time and for once I didn’t cancel at the last minute over the anxiety of it all. I’m so glad as I had a lovely time and I’m so proud of myself for going.
I know how daft that might sound to folk who go out all the time but I’m just telling it how it is….
So back to today…. We’ve had high level cloud and we’ve had some mist and some sunshine. It’s cloudy now but it’s still about 16°C. I did a food shopping this morning, have done another 2 loads of washing and have got a clean bed to look forward to tonight… bliss. I’ve tidied up all the clothes mess I left yesterday and have 3 bags ready for charity. I’m sitting with my feet up but I should really put some clothes up for sale on Vinted.
Right now I’m just gonna sit here and chill…. Coz I’m tired 😆
Please throw the ball mumma!
How can I resist?!
It’s never ending 😆
And relax…..
And finally this….. this is what I need to focus on.
Ooooh I’ve had the nicest day so far. It’s 15.13 and I’ve had the most productive but chilled day.
I woke at 5.30am when Khaleesi barged into our room. Her door must not have been shut properly. Of course I didn’t really get back to sleep, as I never do. The alarm was set for 6.30 and I was outside ready to run with Elly at 6.45am. It was misty but really mild.
We had a nice gentle run thought I still found it quite hard. I didn’t feel right for some reason.
It was Elly’s first back from energy and she did really well. We ran back to her house then I did a little extra to get me passed 5k… yes I was THAT person this morning.
We forgot to get a photo so there’s just one of me.
It’s then I realise I’m in a normal bra and not my sports bra…. That’s what was wrong!!!
Once I got home I went straight out with the dogs, so that I didn’t lose my momentum.
Poor Calaidh caught in the act 😆
I’ve had the loveliest rest of day.
I’ve done 5 loads of washing including bedding and dog blankets. I’ve got my case out of the loft and started adding holiday clothes to it.
I got the packing cubes out and started segregating clothes ready for a final decision in a few weeks.
I brought out my winter clothes and sorted through them. I have a pile of clothes for charity, a pile to sell, I had a couple of items that sadly needed binned.
It was all very driven until I sat down.
🫣
The sun came through the clouds and I sat down to get some lunch.
I’d been planning to fast until tonight but I ate so little yesterday that I had no energy so I thought it best to eat.
I have sat in the sun for the rest of the afternoon!
I have sewed a pair of jeans that Calaidh had chewed… I’ve been very practical in my sunbathing.
The warmth of the sun is so lovely. The smell of suntan lotion gets me super excited for my holiday. We can’t remember the last time we had a week abroad together. It’s been a very long time.
So I’m off out for dinner in Glasgow tonight, check me.
You know that it’s a huge thing for me to go out at night, let alone into Glasgow and to get ready to go out…. I meeting my flatmate from University. She lives in the States now and when she gets home she tries to meet a group of friends on one of the nights. One of the other girls also shared a flat with us so I’m looking forward to seeing them both.
It’s now 16.13 and I will have to think about getting ready soon. Of course I can’t decide whether to drive or get the train. I’m not sure when I’ll make that final decision… I have a huge list of negatives for both options and need to determine the path of least resistance! 🫣😆
Right now I’m gonna sit here in the sun and pretend I don’t have to go anywhere, then surprise myself at the last minute.
I took the dogs for a walk and it was quite breezy and misty.
The were was some amount of sniffing going on! I felt like we stopped at every blade of grass.
The Geilsland estate was really pretty this morning.
I dish some washing and cleared through my clothes as they’d got into a total mess. A very practical morning.
I was down at the little gift shop today. Gayle’s daughter had a job interview so she asked me to pop in to keep an eye on it until she got back. You know me, I love the little gift shop.
I wore my woolly trousers, a vest top, long sleeved top, black hoodie and body warmer….. it was scorching when I came out 😆
Gayle has loads of lovely new things in the shop that I haven’t seen before.
I loved the sentiment of this little bracelet.
On her journey, she has seen pain and felt the onset of fear. But this will not break her, but instead fuel her strength to persevere. She remains refined, strength unmatched with a heart so pure, she is ready for the journey, no matter how tough or obscure. Read the words and know they are true, because she is brave, and she is you.
How lovely is that?!?!?
They light up a room with petals so bright, turning their heads to soak up sunlight. They needs lots of love to flourish and grow. This sunflower will be right at home with the biggest sunshine I know.
Wow.
These bracelets are just £6.99. Such a lovely sentiment.
I had the loveliest wee time speaking to so many lovely people. Lots of great chat. I just love the atmosphere.
As I said by the time I get home, the sun was splitting the skies and it felt really warm.
I sat outside for a bit before feeding the dogs, bringing in the washing and generally tidying up.
I actually fasted over 23 hours today and found it really easy. I was tempted to go longer as I really felt I could have…. But I ate. I think a longer fast would be really good for me but I panic if I go too long!
So a really lovely day.
The Crochet Hookers have recommended I watch BBC’s Race Across the World.
I am hooked.
I want to do all of that without the stress of the race!!
Another great sleep last night STILL on the progesterone!
Work passed pretty fast and I was really looking forward to seeing Lea tonight.
We met at Silverburn Shopping Centre as we do these days…. I reckon that we have been meeting in a Starbucks for 21 years!!!
This time we did a wee bit of shopping first while Lea introduced me to straight leg and wide leg jeans.
Now I’ve always been team skinny jean except for a period in the late 90’s when I wore flares… ish… bootcut they were called.
So I tried some on!
I think I kind of like them. This is in River Island.
I loved this wee cropped T-shirt but it was £26. I am really tight when it comes to stuff like that. The jeans were £42…. I think I would pay that but I haven’t bought them yet.
And back in “model’s own skinnys”
I thought I looked much better in my skinnies but absolutely not now I see the photos!! Hmm will think about these River Island ones… think they were called relaxed straight.
So up to Starbucks and had a lovely coconut milk latte and Lea shouted DECAF at me!
It really was so good to have a catch up and talk till the cows come home.
I did get a lovely pair of dark khaki cargo trousers from M&S… baggy enough that I will start my exploration away from skinnies. 😆
I love how long our friendship has lasted over the years. She’s been there through everything, never judges, always supports and is a great listener. I sometimes let her talk too. 😆 #jokes
Once again I hit a wee milestone that I like to celebrate. 1600 days eh?! Doesn’t time fly!
So I like to do a wee recap of my stats on a milestone day…..
2.071 days without alcohol.
This is by far my biggest achievement to date. I self medicated my anxiety and stress for years…. I assumed everyone noticed at the time but it seems that no-one really did. I explained yesterday how it was the one thing that got me through the stress of my last job.
I was incredibly unhappy. Wine was the one thing that took all of that away…. For the few hours that it lasted. It’s a dreadful drug. It made me more and more depressed when I actually thought it was making me happy.
Giving it up was very hard. It took incredible will power. In a world where alcohol is the norm, it’s hard to stand back from the crowd and say I don’t want that anymore. It’s the only drug that people actually encourage you to take. I stuck to my guns and as hard as it was, I could see that my life was much better without the drama of it all… without the alcohol induced highs and lows.
Some would see it as very boring. The drinking me would have laughed at the sober me… I would have felt threatened. Sometimes it feels to me like it is very boring but it’s way better for me than the drama it caused in my life.
I’m scared to drink now in case I went right back to it so I’ll just keep counting those teacups! (that’s what we do on the Try dry app☕️☕️☕️☕️☕️)
1,471 days without anti depressants.
That is huge. I was on antidepressants for most of my adult life. Through my divorce in 2002, through various job losses to factory relocations in the Far East or Eastern Europe…. I’ve never coped that well. I am quick to flare up to stress and the anti depressants kept me on an even keel…. Until they didn’t.
Suicidal thoughts in Dec of 2019 were quickly caught by my GP at the time and my meds changed from Fluoxetine to…. Wow I can’t even remember the name! They knocked me for six but got my head back on the straight and narrow…. Setraline… that’s it. I’m not taking any meds anymore and I’m so very proud of that too. Who’s to say the amount of alcohol didn’t cause the need for the antidepressants. I will never really know.
667 days on HRT
I’m not sure if I see any benefit to HRT really other than the epic sleep I get from progesterone!! Who knows what I would be like without it?! Maybe neither up nor down but I read up on all the benefits and I believe it’s the right thing for me just now. Others may disagree but we all have different journeys to take.
613 days fasting
Wow… what started as a “I’m putting on weight I have to try something different” has turned into a daily thing for me. I LOVE FASTING! I fast every day. Sometimes for as much as 19 hours and I have never felt bloated since I started. Some days I only manage 12 but I’m not putting my life on hold for it. The days I can do a big one, I will.
My life has changed so much since my big job with the long hours and the high pay that felt like blood money.
I am so much happier. I know I have my bad days but this is streets ahead of where I have been.
Endless days sat in Gran’s chair will no energy of thought to even clean my teeth. It’s been so hard but it’s been equally so rewarding.
I’ve done all of this by myself and stuck to it. I don’t give myself enough credit for that.
My latest “fads” which seem to have become lifestyle choices are running and being veggie/vegan.
I really wanted to start running in 2024 and have run my first two 10kms this year already. I am so lucky to have such a great village running support. The girls have made it so easy for me. Their encouragement and support has been second to none.
Lynsey and I managed a 5.4k this morning before work. I ran a PB for 1k, a half mile and a mile!!
My glasses are actually steamed up… the sweat was dripping from my head before I jumped in my cold shower!
The veggie/vegan thing is still a surprise to me… as if the rest of what I do is not!!! My body just doesn’t want meat just now. I don’t know why…
As I munch on my feta pasta bake… I will just keep going with this for as long as I need to.
So yeah, I have to manage my mental health on the daily.
I am an empath and I have to be careful who or what I give my energy to. My head is very quick to tell me when something is wrong and I’m very in tune with that.
I cannot allow myself to very go back to the person I had become over 6 years ago.
Writing this daily blog keeps a lot of it in check for me. So while it works I will keep on with it.
Travelling keeps a lot of that in check for me too. So I need way more of that too!!
Thanks to everyone who comments, likes, messages and supports my rambles. It means so much to me. If I can help one person by writing some of this (other than myself) then it will always be worth it.
It’s the anniversary of my “going off sick”… 6 years ago today I finally gave into the incessant tears and had to walk out of the office just before lunchtime.
I could not stop crying.
That thought actually brought some tears there just now.
I managed a team of 7 people and I could not stop crying. Not the best management trait.
I’d been trying to hold it together for years.
I’d been falling apart for years.
Gone were the suits and the high heels at work replaced by flat boots and comfy clothes.
All my confidence out the window.
I think I was really good at my job.
I put my life into it. I gave it my all. That worked really well for me for about the first 5 years or so. I was handed a promotion to senior management.
I was a huge people pleaser. I think that made me really good at my job but it was to the detriment of my “self”.
I put EVERYTHING before me.
I began to self medicate with wine. It was the one thing that gave me some relief. It took away some of the stress but it was a vicious circle as it also takes away all of your peace. The morning after meant I struggled through the day with a hangover and brain fog that made clear thinking impossible.
I’m working desperately hard to manage a team across 3 geographical locations while trying to please the team (impossible) and senior management (impossible). I had a great team. The management were very political and the team could see right through that. I was caught in the middle and I hated the position I was in.
I was juggling so many different plates that they started to fall and I couldn’t catch them all. I was all over the place and I fell into a really dark hole. Desperate for validation. Finding none.
As I disappeared into my head I became very paranoid. Saw people talking about me, criticising me, overtaking me in confidence big time and I grew so jealous that I couldn’t be that person anymore.
I was terrified of work in the end. Literally terrified of having to be that person.
I drove home 6 years ago, blinded by the tears. It’s not an easy drive at the best of times and I still don’t know how I managed it. I was going against every principle I’d ever lived by. Anyone who went off sick in this way never returned. I knew it was the beginning of the end of my career. I literally couldn’t function anymore.
I was diagnosed with anxiety which quickly moved became depression.
It never occurred to me that I could go and look for a new job. It was a toxic environment but I put all the blame on to me. I wasn’t strong like everyone else, I couldn’t cope. I was a failure.
I wore my big job like a badge. I let it define me and yet I don’t think it was ever “me”. It was who I was conditioned to be. I was encouraged to go to Uni, get the degree, get the big job…. Maximise my earning potential by mid 50’s. Hey I peaked at 46 😆
It was one of the darkest days of my life and yet as I look back, I am so grateful to the me who actually did walk out. It was the beginning of the rest of my life.
I have finally found some peace.
I still have ups and downs but nothing like it was.
Life is for living.
I’m very reflective today, understandably so.
I’m feeling sad as I heard about someone who has died. A complete shock. Completely out of the blue.
Another reminder that life is short and we need to make the most of every single day.
We only get one shot at this.
Just spotted Khaleesi at the top of the stairs. She makes me smile 😊
After a great sleep mum and I headed back down to the canal.
Because of all the peat in the water up here, the canal looks so black and it looked like a floor you could walk on.
Glynis picked us up before 8.30am and took us for a wee tour of Inverness. We headed to Simpson Garden Centre for breakfast.
We were first there!
Check this guy!
I had a vegan bagel with coconut milk latte and forgot to take photos 😆
This is the view from the car park.
We had a quick wander round Inverness before the bus left at 11.35am.
The minute we sat on the bus, the clouds came over.
We are right up the front of a Megabus.
We’re wearing our seatbelts 😆
So we had the loveliest afternoon and evening yesterday after our Jacobite cruise. We sat in the sunshine beside the Caledonian canal for a while as we ate our ice creams. The warmth of the sun was so lovely.
We watched this lovely Border Collie as its owner fed the ducks and it was desperate to get over the fence.
The highland cows were still out when we went back to the car and I caught the black one this time.
These two seem really close… they were twinning!
Just rude 😆
So from there, Glynis drove us over to Nairn where we had a walk along the beach.
Look at those colours… the blue sky was just incredible. It’s been so long since we’ve had such a clear day with no wind.
We went to the Sundancer restaurant, in Nairn, for dinner.
This was the view from our table.
I had the spicy bean burger for dinner and Crème Brûlée for desert.
The crème brûlée was massive. It was so lovely. Mum had a sea bream dish that tasted lovely too…. Even just from the olive and veg I tried. Glynis had amazing looking fish and chips.
And this was the view from out on the balcony after dinner.
We had another walk this time along the harbour wall and caught the most stunning sunset.
This one with a plane flying overhead and a bird flying through it.
And it’s gone. The perfect ending to a truly perfect day.
The captain on the Jacobite cruise yesterday say that yesterday was officially the last day of summer…. But given the clear blue sky and sunshine, he also said it was technically their first day of summer too.
What a lovely way to spend the first and last day of summer. With the lovely Glynis and my mum, out exploring and having coffee and cake and lovely meals.
We have been throughly spoiled all weekend. Thanks to Glynis again for everything she organised. We’ve had the most amazing time.
Not a shred of anxiety on my part. I’m in my element, calm and excited in equal measure.
So back to today. Mum is still on the bus I started on. This is her current view….
This is my view.
It’s 3.30pm and it’s almost dark outside…. We are not allowed to have two scorchers in a row up here in Scotland it would seem. 😆
I’m about 20 minutes north of Glasgow and I still have to try and negotiate my way home. The trains are only every 2 hours and I miss one by minutes. Maybe taking the car would have been easier. It won’t kill me to have a walk round Glasgow mind you.
The Rambling Sloth 🦥 