If you stop and think about this for long enough it can seem extremely surreal. Who would have ever thought this was remotely possible as we started 2020?

A new year, another fresh start, a chance to wipe the slate clean and start again. We all have the best of intentions of making this year count more than the last…. of making this year “better”… being healthier, fitter, just a better version of ourselves. I believe most of us live for tomorrow thinking tomorrow will be different and tomorrow will make up for all our shortcomings yesterday. We never took time to live in the moment. Everything was fast, days flew by, Craig and I were like ships that past in the night. We only had Sunday together and that passed in a flash. Life was just a constant sleep, drive, work, drive, eat, sleep. I had 2 hours at home in the evening if I was lucky.

A year ago I went off sick with anxiety and depression for the 2nd time in 6 months. Wham…. I am here all the time. He’s still working but I’m off sick, there’s days I can barely move but I feel guilty, I “should” do this, “should” do that… but I can’t… and I beat myself up that I can’t. Living with anxiety and depression is awful, a constant battle of worrying about everything and wanting to do everything now and yet not having the energy to lift your head off the pillow.

It’s a real strain on any relationship. The partner looks for reasons, causes, why it’s happening, how to fix it and yet the sufferer is the only one that can change anything with a lot of hard work and mostly time. They say time heals everything but in this case it’s true. A whole lot of days, weeks, months and years. Time to realise the true meaning of life. Time to realise what really matters, who really matters. Time to focus on the present day as the past is full of blame and the future is full of uncertainty and fear. Time.

Then….. we are told by our Government to stay at home to save lives and to protect our wonderful NHS from becoming overwhelmed by cases of coronavirus. There’s a virus spreading around the world that is happening to other countries and I certainly naively thought it wouldn’t necessarily hit us in the same way. But it did…… and it hit us harder than most European countries.

On Friday 20th March 2020, pubs, restaurants etc all close. They cannot open on Saturday 21st March and by Monday 23rd, those of us who can stay home and home.

Many of us rush to get all the thing done that have stacked up over the years. We did a huge amount at the start… greenhouse, shed, roofing, garden, painted sheds etc. All of a sudden we have time. We do what we do best, we try to fill that time with as much as possible.

I think the blog became a way of me writing it all down daily trying to make some sense of it all. We are together all the time when we never were before. Maybe the blog allows Craig to understand some of the chaos in my head 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😆 it makes more sense to both of us written down. Most importantly of all we have time….. time together to get to know each other again. Time to laugh at each other, with each other…. and it’s really lovely. He still leaves everything at his a*se when he feels like it, I still get defensive and witter on about what we should be doing and shouldn’t be doing but we can laugh at it. Our communication is way better because we have been given the gift of time.

When I’m tired and my mind is fuzzy and can’t concentrate he still uses too many words sometimes and I need him to narrow it down to the basics. 😬 When he says “would you like some brown sauce on your bacon roll” I said, “what, sorry, too many words…. 🤣” he now just says “brown sauce” and I nod. Now if that’s not communication then I don’t know what is 🤣🤣🤣

Lockdown has taught us that we don’t need material things to make our life better. We need love, companionship, friends, connection. Lockdown has taken away one of the things that we maybe took for granted. That connection with our family and friends was gone in a flash. No more hugs… we had to find ways of keeping that alive without the physical connection. We’ve had zoom family calls, house party chats with friends, cuppas over fences and up ladders with neighbours and WhatsApp chats like you wouldn’t believe.

You all joined my crazy stay at home world and it made it easier for me. I felt less pressure to be out and about, meeting people, going places, doing stuff… because we can’t, we aren’t allowed to. I like this and I’m not gonna lie I’m scared of what the future holds because I like this. I’m worried I’m becoming a hermit!! When I speak to others though there are many of us that are the same, we have our own little home bubbles and routines that have become our new normal… what will phase 2 of easing lockdown look like for us?

It’s a bit strange being in Scotland as our UK Government say one thing but we have to follow our devolved Scottish Government. I keep reading things in the news and then realised it won’t apply to us right now. It’s splitting the country more than ever. Boris talks about England and it does feel like the rest of us don’t exist. While I’m very proud of the way our government have handled our virus strategy, us Scots still get angry seeing communication with NHS England instead of UK. I’m not sure why but we’ve always been funny about that, feeling like we are not as important. Anyway I digress….

The R number in England (the number of people one COVID-19 sufferer can infect) has naturally increased since the easing of their lockdown restrictions while Scotland is still lower as we are not allowed out as far yet. I’m sure ours will increase with further easing and we just have to deal with this when it comes.

I hope that we all reflect on this time and deepen our relationships with those we love as that, after all, is really all that matters ❤️

I have mostly spent today planning camper van interiors and it’s been lovely. I still have no plan but I have lots of ideas! I’m going to call her Abbie as her reg is ABZ I did toy with just Abs but then thought I’d constantly think of my severe lack of them than anything else…. not a positive connotation! So Abbie it is. 🚐🥰

I got a lovely card from a very old friend today….. she’s not very old but I’ve known her a long time. Well she is older than me come to think of it 😬😆

Sending you a hug ❤️a paper hug until I can give you a real one

Just lovely and so very kind of her to think of me. She says she doesn’t need to ask how I am as she reads this! 😘

Stay safe everyone ❤️❤️❤️

I have taken the plunge and put a deposit on a VW T5!!! I am finally realising my dream…. and I don’t know why it’s my dream but I’m going with my gut and it’s all I can do these days…. 🥰

It’s way down South so won’t be picking her up for a while yet. The lovely lady who owns her is gonna run it once a week to make sure the engine ticks over and then we’ll figure out whether I fly down there and drive back up or she drives her up to Glasgow Airport and flies back down. Flights are really cheap at the moment but we have to wait until the COVID-19 restrictions have been lifted a bit. This isn’t an essential journey at the moment. The main thing is that I’ve secured her and I love that’s I’m calling her “her”. I promised to love her and look after her and now that I’ve blogged about her she’ll be famous. 😆 well maybe 15-20 people might read about her 🤷🏻‍♀️😆

Need to have a think about what to do about the interior. Exciting times!

So the morning started with a Chihuahua being dropped off at the front door in her crate. Cookie is going to Megan at Braw Cuts to get her long claws trimmed and for a wee hair cut!

Now I need to tell a story about the next pic before I just post it up there…. Craig was sitting on the wee couch in the sunroom and Cookie cooried in your the side of his leg. He had one leg crossed over the other with the ankle resting on his knee…. he took a selfie of cookie salt the side of his leg…..this photo is the crease of his bent leg… I swear to you

So all this while I’m negotiating with the van lady…. and then it’s time for dog walk as Craig’s on calls for the rest of the day.

This afternoon I joined a kinesiology tapping group which runs every Thursday at 3. Shelagh Cumming runs this for free. They’re a lovely bunch of ladies and it’s so nice to catch up with them. I haven’t been on the group for weeks as I usually am too tired on a Thursday afternoon…. am I going on 48 or 98?!?!

On the way back from dropping Cookie off I popped past my friend Evelyn with the broken ankle as she was sitting at her front window looking sad! She said she was grumpy and understandably so…. told her I hoped I’d cheered up her greetin’ face… 🤭🤣😘 Had a lovely wee chat with her, miss our crochet catch ups!

So it’s now deliveries for the pub and I’ve having Hollys amazing Roman chicken for my dinner later! Can not wait I am starving delivering everyone’s food to them!

Stay safe everyone ❤️❤️❤️

Ps…. I have to find out what happened to yesterday’s blog as it seems not to have posted…. will go investigate!

Thankfully I managed to get my head out of bed today and the rest yesterday did me some good. Bounding out of bed (ok not quite but I’m thinking motivation here!) at 7.30ish, dogs fed, toast with butter and raspberry jam. Uh-maaaaazin 😋 it’s the most miserable looking morning we’ve seen for a while…. smirry rain (that hardly rain but it soaks you!….. yeah I know…. it all does but you know what I mean) so all suited and booted to head out with the dogs.

Had Beith Trust deliveries at 12 today and I’ve had an extra 4 people added to my list. Did my usual Wednesday run and had a lovely chat with my last lady as I usually do. Then headed back to Geilsland to pick up for my new Beith run. It’s great to meet some lovely folk from Beith and learn my way around the town! Got chatting at my last house to a lovely lady… least I know who to leave until last! Her hair is driving her mad as she can’t get it cut and she is desperate for hair clasps and I said I’ll try and get her some over the weekend. Nothing worse when short hair grows and is in your face, I’ve been there!!

Finished by about 2.15pm and back home for a quick bite to eat before the whole Overland & Borders gang loaded up into the Jeep for the first time since about New Year! (I just asked Craig if he could remember when the 5 of us were last in the Jeep together…… “erm about 15 minutes ago” dead pan….. this is what I live with 😳🤦🏻‍♀️)

It was such a shame that the first time we got to see Helen and Doug that we had the heaviest rain of lockdown, only saved by the fact they had the gazebo up!! It was so lovely to catch up with them and hear how lockdown has been for them…. also so lovely to have Cookie cuddles!

It was so lovely to spend some time together after so long, so strange not to be in the house or hug them goodbye but Helen said how pleased she was that we’d gone and that she wanted her boy to know she was really glad to see him. She said I knew she’d be glad to see me but she had to tell Craig. ❤️❤️❤️

So a really lovely busy day and I’m only loading this up at 9.30pm which is late for me. We had a takeaway for dinner and Craig and the pups are crashed out on the couch. I will pass out too shortly.

Lockdown has shown us how important our family and friends are to us. We take people for granted in our busy lives and this has been a chance for us to reflect on all of that. Our relationships matter…. a whole lot.

Stay safe everyone ❤️❤️❤️

I wasn’t ready to wake up at 7.10am today…. still in a really deep sleep when Craig got up and then there was a dog and then that was it really. There is a chance my head’s still in bed…..

We’ve achieved so much during lockdown. It’s great that Craig can do all this stuff as the garden is almost finished now and we did it at minimum cost (apart from the 6 foot fence installed years ago but that is another story!!!) He’s been talking about doing the very back of the garden for ages and I always thought we didn’t really need to….. so glad I finally listened and we decided to do it as it’s like being away on holiday when we’re down there. It doesn’t feel like our garden!

So yeah fair to say that I am quietly thoughtful and reflective today and that’s ok.

When I woke up I did that crazy head thing that women do where we think of a million and one things that need doing. The weather started to turn so I decided to work on the Overland & Borders web page…. the web design page said I have to pay £143 for that privilege, my free trial is over?!? As much as I’d love to have a web page and I’ve done a lot of work on it, it’s not going to be worth £143! I then looked at ways of making money through targeted ads on blogs rather than the random ones that are added in just now…. that wanted a web page… 🤦🏻‍♀️😳 So computer shut down and gave up on that idea… for today!

Instead I chose to tidy out my jewellery boxes…. why, I don’t know but it was a sitting down job… hardly through anything out but just sorted it all out. Craig came in from work and laughed and said, did you take photos…. eh…. no, I never. Should I sack myself now?!?

In some real proactive news I have finally put my lovely Beetle Bug back up for sale, this time on Gumtree and FB marketplace. It was only on Autotrader for 2 weeks right before lockdown started when everyone stopped normal life for a bit. Let’s see what this brings!

Other good news, I had a chat with the Beith Tryst Volunteer co-ordinator and I’m being given another 2 houses to visit tomorrow, so that’s 5 in total. I had told them a few weeks back that one of my regulars was really down so she got extra calls to check up on her. That’s what its all about. Keeping in touch with people who need looking out for. She loves that I chat with them. Well I was never gonna be a deliver and run kinda gal now was I?!?

So it’s my father in laws birthday tomorrow and we are hoping to visit them for the first time with all socially distanced rules in place so I need to keep my chats brief tomorrow… and remember to put the handbrake on in the car every time I stop…. and remember my mask…. and gloves…. what could possibly go wrong?!?!? Guess it just depends who turns up tomorrow… calm and in control Jules or scatty and hair-brained Jules 🤷🏻‍♀️😆

In global pandemic news:

I also read in Sky News today that there is good news and bad news in the UK coronavirus stats… the good news is that the number of excess deaths in the UK is down to the lowest level since the beginning of the epidemic. The term “excess deaths” is the important part. This report so looking at the number of deaths over and above the average for the time of year and that’s where the bad news comes in. The death toll is still mounting.

There have been 63,700 excess deaths since the start of the pandemic and currently only just over 40k of these are recorded as COVID-19 deaths…. does that mean we’ve had a lot more than we think? I keep reading this but it never seems to affect our final numbers. We’re already the highest deaths in Europe but that would take us into another realm. I’m sure other countries had problems with their reporting too… we may never know the true extent of this.

We have become so used to our new normal life that I think we or I personally forget that there are 40,883 or maybe more people who were here in February and early March that have since died. Many of us have been at home for 77 days now. Would you ever have believe that could ever happen? Do you stop and take some time every day to realise the true enormity of what we are facing? It’s unbelievable and yet we are living through this. I say that very lightly as we are just very lucky to have not had anyone we know personally catch it. We know of 2 survivors, family of friends that both had a very tough time of it but kicked COVID’s butt!

Stay safe everyone ❤️❤️❤️

Yeah I know I’ve not mentioned this before because you don’t really but we’ve had crazy silvery patterns on our hall rug every morning for weeks now… there are no trails leading on or off the rug and I’ve lifted it so many times to look it’s unreal.

When you live with dogs and your doors open for about 15-16 hours a day you can’t expect your house to be as lovely as the 2 bedroom flat you lived in on your own before you met hubby…. the flat that you put everything away when you used it and hardly needed to do a clean and tidy as it was always clean and tidy. Yes so I have adapted to my new level of cleanliness…. gradually over the years, some days better than others…. some days I can turn a blind eye to the mayhem.

Strangely I have coped remarkably well with slug living in our hall. For some reason when I woke up for the loo at 4.30am I got the fear and thought to tippy toe over the rug very quickly. Like a light-footed 13.5 stone ninja 😬🤣 and sure enough on my return, Sluggy McSluggerson was doing it’s “thang” just slugging around. I shouted out that I’d finally got the wee f&ckr 🤷🏻‍♀️🤭🤬

Of course after that I was awake for about an hour before I could get over the excitement and fall back to sleep. We were woken this time by small muffled barks or dog yawns…which sound like a cow mooing from our bedroom below the dogs’ room. I tell you, never a dull moment in this house!

So a very productive day, Craig went out to work after all that and I cleaned the living room and the sunroom. Then I reckoned I really needed to sit down… before I fell down and yet I’ve done half of what Craig’s done. Craig says it’s not a competition so that’s good, I’m sat in the sun because I’m tired and it’s not a competition as to who does the most. (We all know it’s a secret competition but I’m allowing him to win, just don’t tell him…)

So on my dog walk today I saw 7 planes…. 2 very high level that seems to be on true same flight path (I really wanted to use the word trajectory here but flight path really does cover it) of course I took a photo!

It seems like things are starting to pick back up as at least 3 flights landed in Glasgow in the hour I was out. I do look at them and wonder who’s on them? Where are people going and why?! We’ve hardly seen any commercial flights over these 11 weeks. Plenty of military and freight planes but that’s been all.

We can only watch and wait and see the outcome of all the Black Lives Matter demonstrations in London and major cities as people have crowded together with not social distancing. 49 police officers were injured as protests turned violent .

The reduction in deaths is great news those as we continue to stay in lockdown on Scotland. It’s still 55 too many. It’s honestly been the strangest of years.

I keep meaning to talk about the price of things during this virus. Craig is having sirloin or rump steaks almost every other night as they are so cheap. I can get them in Asda for £2.75 (rump) and £2.85 (sirloin). There’s an excess of steak due to restaurants being closed.

Fuel is still super cheap due to the fall in the price of oil. It’s just a shame that none of us are really using it! I know the neighbours have all stocked up on oil for their heating due to the cheap pricing.

Stay safe everyone 💜💜💜

Love, love, love Scotland in the sunshine! Thought the forecast was really bad for today but seems that was wrong…. not that I saw the sun first thing. I was in the most amazingly deep sleep…. absolutely sparko but I was vaguely aware of a dog barking. Usually a sign they need out but I’m too comatose to move.

I’m aware of Craig the whirlwind getting up, getting a drink and then letting the dogs out from their room upstairs… whatta great guy. Then he comes thumping back into the bedroom with the 3 of them shouting “where’s your mum?” “ go, get her” and I’m ambushed. 🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾 (that’s exactly the number of paws….☀️)

It’s not an easy awakening… there are sharp claws and lots of licking… and that’s just Craig… honest to god what a baptism of fire being woken by 3 x 20kg puppers…. 😳

I have no photos of the actual event as that would just be wrong…. though I do have have to say I thought about it 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️👩🏻

So last night we had the most amazing sunset and pink rainbow at about 10pm. I couldn’t get pics from the garden of the rainbow but Rachel 2 doors down got a cracker. 🌈💜🌈

So enough about yesterday 🤣 had a lovely lazy morning over coffee. Did some work down on the messy part of the back of the garden as we are getting some artificial grass delivered to cover it so tried to flatten it out. No photos as you’d probably not notice any difference but I picked all the stones and twigs out ready for covering.

If you’re a regular to my ramblings you may be aware I have a lovely VW Beetle up for sale at the moment… one careful lady owner 🙄😬😆 and really randomly I have been looking at replacing this with a VW camper. It will be ideal for transporting the dogs, a chance to camp inside if needs must rather than a tent and I don’t know but it’s been gnawing away at me for a long time now. I’m not 100% certain why but it just feels right. I’ve been looking for a long time as there are so many configurations, models, prices, layouts etc etc. Before lockdown I was considering setting up a private tour of Scotland for tourists (yeah like obviously…) in my camper van…. with me as the guide. I not certain whether this would still be a possibility of if it would be something for the future. One thing I’ve learned in these last few years is that my gut isn’t often wrong. What will be will be and I need to go with my gut. Worst case if I get one and it doesn’t work out I can resell and not lose anything.

So had a lovely WhatsApp video chat with a lady in Emsworth as she talked us round her VW Transporter. She uses it as a car and makeshift camper. It’s a blank canvas waiting to be done. A wee project for me maybe?! Anyway, I can’t go and pick it up. She knows I’m interested and will let me know if she gets any local buyer. We just have to wait and see if it works out. She wants it to go to a loving home and think she could tell that it would. (Yeah I know us women are loopy!!)

I just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone for the likes, comments etc on my blog. I’m loving doing this. It keeps my thoughts clear in my head and gives me a few hours a day where I can rabbit away in peace and Craig doesn’t have to listen!

I’ll get back to coronavirus tomorrow… stay safe everyone 💜💜💜

Awake at 7.15 this morning, up, coffee and shower, hair DRIED with a HAIR DRYER… an actual hairdryer for the first time in a very long time… you’d think I was making an effort eh?!

Craig has a job in Grangemouth today and Jac lives 10-15 mins away so I thought I’d go up with him so we could catch up.

We put the world to rights in our wee hour and a half. She’s lost 38lbs in the last year with Team RH Fitness and is exercising 6 times a week and walking 15k a day but is looking amazing as a result. I knew how much she’d lost since I last saw her and was worried she would look too thin but she didn’t at all…. she looked healthy and happy and proud of herself. Girl done awfy well!!!! One day I will get there when I put the pizza down….. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤣 (I can hear her saying, “you can still eat pizza, I eat pizza, you just need to track it….” 😆😘 I just think that it should really be pizza in moderation!)

I told her that driving past my old work in Falkirk felt really strange to me. Like a huge trip down memory lane… I don’t work there anymore, it goes on without me, they’re successful without me, I walked away from a great salary and a great company that doesn’t need me anymore. Really hard to shake that feeling. That geographic area will always be about that job for me. We talked about how I need to think that I went through all of this because it wasn’t serving me anymore and that actually my life is much better without it. I have orchestrated a new life for myself by no longer accepting the stress it was putting me under…. I know that but it’s just that nagging fear of what once was. I have to admit I wan way happier now than I ever was any day at work. Wow, that’s even a revelation to me.

So we talked the hind legs off a donkey and then had to get back to the Asda car park to meet Craig.

Popped next door to wish Louise a happy 14th and give her a present. She has 2 friends round who’s parents dropped them off for a socially distanced “party”. She’ll not forget this birthday in a hurry.

Claire came into the garden with her own cuppa and we sat like civilised human beings and hat a socially distanced chat on the ground rather than up a ladder! Check us… forgot to take pics tho!

I’m not even gonna look up the Coronavirus stats tonight. I’ve had the loveliest day and I can’t wait to meet up with mum and dad and other people that I haven’t seen for so long. It’s a strange world we live in now. As a hugger I don’t know what to do now when I see people as the urge to hug is very strong!

Leads me to a quick couple of asides…. called mum and dad today to tell them about my meet up with Jac and mum said she is sad that dad is the only person she can hug now.. dad quietly mumbles so is he! They make me laugh! We have decided that Craig is to start proof reading these before I put them out as I’ve had a few typos in the past…. Craig changes to Raif at times…. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ he might start this spellchecker tomorrow! His fault if there are any typos tonight 😆😘

So yeah… she who can’t wake up before 8am normally… wide awake at 4.57am. You know the way that you check if it’s light… yip, it’s light but there’s not many cars passing the window so it must be early…. up for a wee, try to get back to sleep but no….. I’d been dreaming that I was back at my old work except it was like a very crowded call centre. We were sitting at desks beside each other almost shoulder to shoulder. Business was booming and there was a problem and everyone was looking at me for our rules of engagement or something legal…. inside i was laughing thinking how funny it was that they all thought we would be covered legally but inside I was panicking and terrified as I couldn’t give them what they needed. I woke with the fear that I’ve had to walk away from an amazing company, a high paid job and now I am unemployed at a time when lots of other people are too.

I’ve always said that I know this journey is the right one for me and that everything will work out for the best and I don’t have. To busy a gut 12 or 13 hours a day just trying to keep my head above water…. it doesn’t stop the fear from overwhelming me at times.

Don’t know about anyone else but I find shopping quite stressful just now as there’s pressure to pick up things following the one way system round the shop. I worry I miss things or forget something as we don’t just want to have to nip back to the shop for one thing. There’s also still that thing where no one makes eye contact. If you walk past someone you put your head down and rush by. It seems really strange, not that I ever launched into a chat while pushing my trolley but it feels very different.

On the way home I decided to stop at The Little Coffee Caravan at Lochwinnoch roundabout. It only opened a few months before Coronavirus hit and it had to close so I never got a chance to go. It opened up a few weeks back so was locking forward to getting a coffee and a cake on the way home!! Of course I forgot to take a photo of it but…..

They were so lovely…. said that I was so excited and they said that most people are at the moment!! Ordered a coconut milk latte and a piece of Snickers Tiffin cake…. was amazing!!

We got to chatting and you know me, I told them my life story…. well the guy asked if I was furloughed…. but it turns out the girl remembers the dogs from my FB page (when I first followed their page) as her dad used to have Border Collies…. She wanted to know how to pronounce Calaidh (cally) !!

I had been in a pretty rotten mood until then and it just goes to show how a wee chat and a smile can change someone’s day (obvs a bit of chocolate tray bake too!!).

Had a lovely chat with mum and dad on FaceTime. Dad said they’ve decided to separate…. (he was joking!!) and he’s still trying to send mum over here but it’s lovely to hear them laugh as you know they are looking after each other. Talked about how nice it would be to meet up but know it’s still too far at the moment. Maybe in the next phase of lockdown easing. Sent them some photos of the garden and greenhouse! They’ve grown 3 radishes which they had with dinner!

That’s UK up to over 40k deaths at 40,261. They are saying that the South of England and the North West have increasing numbers of virus again with the R number increasing to just over 1. For everyone one person infected, another 1 person gets it. That’s and increase as they were down as low as 0.5-0.6 when they eased the lockdown. There have been protests in London over the George Floyd killing in the US but really government as asking Brits not to demonstrate and risk the spread of the virus. Nicola Sturgeon has also urged Scots not to let the bad weather encourage people to meet in each other’s houses. It’s only ok to meet up to 8 people outside. There’s a strong north westerly wind and rain forecast so meeting folk outside is not gonna be much fun.

Didn’t sleep that well last night, woke up with a clenched jaw and tense shoulders after bad dreams but don’t panic as I stayed in bed for another hour and a half just to make sure I was really ready to get up. 😬

Had leisurely coffee and then set about both bathrooms, inside cupboards and everything. They are sparkling again but it really doesn’t make for a great blog. A shiny “bog” maybe….. 🤷🏻‍♀️🚽🧻🚿🚰🛁🧽🧼🤦🏻‍♀️ I know…. sorry.

Re-useable cotton bud!

For those of you who love a cotton bud…. stop right here… click on the link…. the rest of you just skip on past!! Don’t think I mentioned before but Craig likes to buy things every now and then…. one of his recent gifts to us was the Last Swab!! A reusable cotton bud… means no more added to landfill but your ears are still spotless! I’m amazing. I use it in the shower and wash it clean ready for the next time. A cotton bud revolution…. Craig actually asked if I was struggling for content today 😬😆 the cheek of it 🤭🤔🙄 how dare he…. yes… 😬

I’ve decided to use up some of Jeannie’s old baby wool to make some more baby blankets for Paisley Maternity. Was thinking of giving the wool away but it should be put to good use!

There were a total of 1,805 new cases yesterday and 505 people were admitted to hospitals with COVID-19. There are still 7,312 people in hospital too. I was quite surprised by that…. there was a further 176 deaths taking our total to 39,904. England announced tonight that from the 15th June everyone travelling on public transport must wear a face covering. You should avoid public transport if you can.

Scotland have not yet decided that face masks will be essential but it is fairly likely that we will go down that route too.

The pandemic is taking hold in Brazil in the Amazon with Sky News reporting that they are so overwhelmed that people are dying in their beds. Brazil had the second highest number of cases in the world behind the US. There is a backlog of burials and gravediggers never stop digging. As I read up on this I still think we hid a lot of this news in the UK as our journey through this seems to have been downplayed where the news stories around the world haven’t been. I maybe just missed it…

So, Craig bought me a hat today…. very lovely of him and most likely because I’ve been pinching his Tilley hat and Jeep cap when we’ve been out in the sun! It’s a Tarp Hat (I actually typed Tart Hat there 🤣😂🤣🤣🤣).

Stay safe everyone ❤️❤️❤️

As a result of the above… we were in bed and asleep before 9pm last night. He announced at half 7 we’d watch another Westworld then he wanted an early night. That just made my day!!! Actually woke up before 8am this morning, by myself with no dog barking or husband sneaking around… result. It’s a new day…. the breeze is up… it’s been raining and it’s much cooler but it’s still nice when the sun shines.

So Craig’s off out to work today for the first time in over 10 weeks. He is ok to meet with clients now as long as they are outside with 2m of physical distance. He had to drive to Hillington which was a novelty. Well I thought it was but he probably didn’t…..

Got home and had a shower and washed my hair ready to go out.on the food bank deliveries. Can I just recommend to all women that if you usually get your eyebrows done… don’t do what I did and look at what’s on your face right now… oh my actual god. I’ve not noticed them up until now but now I can’t unsee what I saw!!! Put jeans and a T-shirt on to look respectable and volunteering went well. No handbrake incidents this week. Think lockdown has played havoc with my short term memory though as I was meant to stop at a neighbours and pick up some bags for the Beith Trust… I drove straight past her house while wondering who the lady was on the other side of the street…. then thought I’d pop back between drop off 1 and 2… nope drove straight past the road end and finally remembered 3rd time lucky….. honestly?!?!

Home and had lunch and helped Craig plant some ridiculously hot chillis he’s ordered! Serrano, Cayenne, Golden Cayenne and Bulgarian Carrot….. 🌶🌶🌶🌶 think they are all pretty hot. Other than that I’ve just been lazing in Grans chair in the sun room, writing this, oh met Claire for a coffee up the ladder over the fence for 10 mins.

Sky news are reporting a further 359 deaths in the last 24 hours taking our total to 39,728. I guess by tomorrow we’ll be over the 40k mark…. that’s 40,000 people that were living a life before this virus hit us. It’s quite a sobering thought. There are demonstrations going on all over the world about the death of George Floyd in America, the news is dominated by that today rather than Coronavirus. Black Lives Matter protests are taking place in lots of major cities across the world. Sadly the protests seem to be huge groups of people all congregating together. The reports doesn’t show much distance between anyone… it’s a really sad time.

Another quiet night in for us and we might go to bed late…. like 10pm?!?

Stay safe everyone 🧡🧡🧡

Last night after the girls finished on the slip and slide our neighbour Colin invited us to his new decking for socially distanced drinks. We took our own chairs and glasses and drink to make sure we didn’t cross contaminate anything and had a lovely wee catch up, first time in about 3 months. We came home just after 8 and sat out until about 10,30pm. It did get a wee bit chilly and I had to wrap up in my crochet blanket!

Over drinks earlier Colin invited Craig to go and see his yacht in Ardrossan Harbour. I wasn’t going to go but decided I couldn’t miss the photo opportunity!

It’s raining!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😱😱😨

Sitting outside when we came home having a late bite of lunch and it’s started to rain so we are just gonna sit here and not move…. sitting through it!

We had to give in and sit inside eventually… didn’t like indoors lockdown before!!

So I want to say something about all the photos I have posted so that you can understand a bit more about how bad our minds are and how we speak to ourselves. Unless I am on a diet and very thin which hasn’t been often in my life, I have a shocking self body image. I took one look at these photos and said to Craig “well I’ll not be posting any of them… they’re shocking” he apologised….. none of it is his fault… I have yet to embrace my size 16 shape. I’m not typing this for anyone to tell me otherwise but I feel I look awful this size. Yet I have posted loads of them…. my counselling has shown me that I need to learn to accept what is… accept the size I am to love myself before I can move on. That is sooooooooo difficult to do. Headshots I think…. hmmmmmmm yeah that’ll do but anything below that and I am horrified. I don’t feel this size so I’m shocked when I see myself. The hardest part of all this is that all through my life I have felt fat… what I wouldn’t give to be like that again!!! Yet I know how to do it and just can’t just now. For a million reasons I just don’t have the energy… I managed 15k steps for a good few days, others I’ve managed 10k and others I’ve been scared to look. My diet is pretty shocking, just laziness, but I have to just take one day at a time and know that whatever will be will be and it’s ok. It’s ok to be heavier, it’s not the end of the world… just so long as no one takes photos of me 🤦🏻‍♀️😱 all joking aside, I know it will come when the time is right, the weight will fall off as fast as it went on and until that day I need to deal with, sorry be proud of who I am. I thought this might be a wee step in that direction.

Interesting to read that New Zealand are considering lifting lockdown next week after 11 days with no new cases of COVID-19z we have 436 new hospital admissions and I read somewhere that this was just for England… yet our lockdown is easing? Guess we just have to wait and see what that means for the UK.

Needless to say after yesterday’s walk I slept like a log and couldn’t open my eyes when Craig got up. He crept about like a wee mouse 🐁 and shut all the doors so I didn’t wake up. So much more thoughtful than I was yesterday. 😆 (the fact that I know he did it all kinda says it all but you know… we’ll give him this one!)

Reminds me of something I did the other day…. we have 3 baskets in the bathroom that we keep toiletries in. One of them (the middle one… Craig’s one… of course!) was full to overflowing and the lid didn’t sit on top… it was driving me mad.

So up and tidied the kitchen and fed the dogs. Outside for coffee and admiring the garden!

I suggested we take a dog walk up the end of the road to the Trearne Quarry. We’ve not been there for years. It’s the site of the old Trearne House.

Have to say it looks really nice in the photos but actually the earth was really soft and riddled with bits of plastic, grass, metal, you name it. The water that is there now is stagnant and looks pretty rotten just like the end of a puddle… and it stinks… so all in all not the best place for the dogs. Think I might go back and explore one day without them.

So back home for a lazy day in the sun I think. It’s so hot. The forecast says a maximum of 21 but it’s been hotter than that for days! I’ve already done two loads of washing and they are dry within an hour. Not sure if folk in warmer climates realise how long it takes us Scots to dry washing in the winter??! Days and days….

Craig’s away down to the Co-op while in lie with my head in the shade and my back in the sun trying to tan the ever elusive back of legs…. actually I’m writing this and I’m finding it can take up to 3 hours out of my day. It’s definitely faster the earlier I do it. If I wait until evening it’s like being on line with the old dial up!!!

In coronavirus news England are easing their lockdown from today and yet it’s different to what we have in Scotland. Our First Minister, Nicola Sturgeon, is urging us not to be confused by what Boris Johnson is releasing in England as Scotland is a few weeks behind as our virus spread happened after England.

Over the weekend there have been so many reports of huge gatherings down south. An illegal party in East London. A protest in London for American George Floyd who was asphyxiated by police in the States, beaches have been mobbed. In Scotland police had to issue 797 dispersal notices over the weekend with tourist hot spots like Glencoe and Loch Lomond heaving. We are only meant to be outdoors within 5 miles from our houses. No way all of that is caused by locals up there.

Stay safe everyone ❤️❤️❤️

Another amazing day….. couldn’t decide whether to get up at 8 or stay in bed and Craig said “it’s sunny…” so I shoot out of bed only to assume he was getting up too. It would since appear not after I tornado around the house and let the dogs run amok even suggesting Calaidh goes to find him… 🤷🏻‍♀️😬 so now we are all awake, some of us are slightly more grumpy than others by was my bad.

By the time Craig’s come through I’ve emptied and filled the dishwasher and fed the dogs so he sticks some bacon on…. bacon rolls and coffee for brekkie.

Holly next door suggested heading to Tianna Falls today since I took Claire on a wild goose chase on Thursday and headed in the wrong direction. I think I said in a previous blog, Holly remembers finding these falls when she was about 6 years old as her gran lived on the main A737 and thinking it was such a magical place. She offered to take me there and let her girls see it too.

spen about an hour 15 down there. Moved 3 T-shirt’s, 2 cans and a packet of crisps from the water to hide them a bit in the undergrowth. 2 adult and one kids T-shirt just left in the water….😳

The weathers just been so amazing today that everything look so stunning. I’m now lying in “Craig’s” hammock and could almost sleep… 18,282 steps done vs 27,003 the day I made Claire walk in the completely wrong direction!!

In Coronavirus updates the UK are now over 38,000 deaths….. 300 + the other day and 115 in the last 24 hours. England are set to announce new lockdown easing measures too rotor but I don’t think that they will apply to is. Craig’s been down at his friend Paul’s today and their two kids, under 6, were both great at social distancing. Normally Craig would get loads of cuddles and kisses but they stayed well back.. Paul and Craig went for a socially distanced walk. Life has changed so much since we saw them last. It makes me sad that the kids can’t hug anyone anymore as they were always great for a wee cuddle. But I know we all have to stay safe!

So last night we sat out until about 8.30 when the sun started to disappear. It was so peaceful, just the birds twittering away…. and the smell of muck spreading from the nearby fields!!

Stay safe everyone 💜💜💜

Gonna start today with some pics from last night. Went for a walk with Claire in a direction that we could not go wrong…. and I reckon it’s the first evening walk I’ve had in lockdown.

Could not get to sleep last night at all… the downside of not drinking alcohol at a BBQ is that you’re pumped full of caffeine from all the diet juice. Lay there exhausted with my eyes WIDE OPEN for what felt like hours… so a lazier start to the day. Up 8.45 and still sitting on the new decking as the sun starts to come round about 10ish. It’s another holiday hot heat day!! Scorchio!!!

Scorchio!!!!! ☀️☀️☀️

So we had a roll and square sausage with brown sauce and have decided that Craig’s on the stones until he passes out through heat exhaustion and I am on the greenhouse and planting out sweet peas if I can… might need a zoom call to mum and sad sad just to check requirements!!! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m lying here contemplating the last few weeks and realising that it’s ok to have bad days.

I may not have a job anymore but I know everything’s going to be ok. It’s been a year since I was last in the office working…. a whole year sounds like an amazing holiday but it’s been the hardest year of my life. Its taken a long time for me to realise that life is good. I could do with losing 3 stone but other than that I have everything to be grateful for. I am so grateful to be living through lockdown in Gateside. We have everything we could want in a holiday home and of course the weather helps. I have family and friends who love me. ❤️

Stay safe everyone! 💜💜💜🌈

What a stunningly beautiful day!! The weather is great…. the mood is great… I’m loving life. ❤️ Was wide awake at 6am and checked in with the world for an hour or so, you lose so much time to social media sometimes. Then up and at the housework….. hallway, bedroom and bathrooms done…. everything smelling fresh and then outside to the heat.

Even at that time of the morning it was hot. There was no breeze….. we had to go down to the new decking at the back to get some shade! First breakfast on the deck! Well…. coffee….. I couldn’t relax though as I could see stuff needing done…(inner sloth obviously wide awake!) we cut back some of the bushes behind the deck to see the field, then I moved some stones that we didn’t need anymore. Thinking how cool it was in the shade with no breeze so suggested Craig dog walk so I could stain the deck…. all done by 10am!

Went round to drop some flowers at Evelyn’s house as she fell and broke her ankle yesterday. Was lovely to see her for the first time in 10 weeks!

Been next door for a few drinks in the sun now that we can. Had a lovely afternoon and can actually feel my skin cooking nicely. Scorchio today! It’s really like being on holiday, you could be forgiven for forgetting everything that’s going on…..

Stay safe everyone ❤️❤️❤️

So from today Scots 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 are allowed to meet with members from another household as long as we stay 2m physically distanced! So Claire (next door) and I decided to walk to Tianna Falls as neighbours had suggested. A beautifully waterfall about 45 mins walk from the house.

Last night Holly (other next door!) had told me how she found the falls by accident when she was about 6 years old. It’s right behind her Grans house and she used to play out the back. Can’t imagine how magical that must have been. We wouldn’t know…… we never found the falls yet. 🤷🏻‍♀️

At this point we pass my father in laws work so I call him to say we’ll catch him on the way back up! Unbeknown to us we miss a crucial right turn just past his office block and I have missed this whole instruction … I’m on the phone chatting to him and. Claire is watching wee sheep in the field opposite thinking they are goats and we sail on past, we keep going to the end of the road…. as per….

You may have gathered that today has been a really good day… I feel a weight has lifted that’s been hanging over me for the the last week. I feel relaxed (albeit knackered from the walk) and my head has stopped the incessant put me downs and telling me that i can’t…. I can…. I can….. I can…. every day I still show up and fight this. Thanks to everyone for their kind words and support and to Craig for understanding more about this than he ever has. Maybe because I write it down every day…. maybe that helps us both.

Stay safe everyone ❤️❤️❤️

Kinda sick of typing about sad feelings but woke up feeling like sh*t this morning. Thumping head, clenched jaw, erratic, shallow breathing. Like a good girl I thought I’ll try Headspace mediation to try and calm myself down… but I couldn’t focus on it at all! At that precise moment, my lovely friend from Canada messaged to ask how I was doing…. poor soul got it between the eyes!! Now thankfully she knows all the right things to say and do and got my to breathe I’m for 3 and out for 4…. I could only get on for 2 and out for 3 and while I was telling her I typed out for 33!!!! We both agreed that I’d have croaked it before 33… 😆 so that made me smile. So of course I calmed down and got my breathing in check but I still seem to lack the ability to do that bit on my own. When I’m in taz mode as I call it (Tasmanian Devil) I can’t think straight enough to get out of it….

So I got up, had a coffee and sat in the garden.

Had a quick over the fence up the ladder cuppa with Claire who’s on holiday and got ready to go Volunteering with the Beith Trust. I drive along to Geilsland which is literally 2 mins from the house. My head is all over the place and I have to concentrate to drive… I get there, park and jump out and it’s only when a young guy is helping me load the car that we both realise the car is moving…. we are pushing it by stretching into the boot…. yip for the second time on deliveries, I haven’t applied the handbrake?!?!? How is that even possible?!? It’s ok though only 5 folk saw me…….. 🤦🏻‍♀️

So I’m just getting back to this and it’s 9pm. The latest blog writing yet!! Food bank deliveries went well and I had a lovely chat with one lady who looks really sad in the last few weeks. She’s just not able to get out anywhere so I mentioned this back at base and they’ll arrange calls for her. She also asked if I could get hold of a local book written by Bob Marshall who lived in Gateside and died recently so I will do that and drop it off.

Did a quick food shop in the Co-op which is now clearly marked for socially distanced movement round the shop until the last few aisles…. I’m genuinely not sure what to do here, my brain blows 😂🤯 but I get through it and back to the car in one piece!

I finally dropped off the crochet hearts for Evelyn for Co- op funeral care. (of course I forgot them and had to go back home to get them!) I drove past her house earlier when I remembered…

I also picked up a prescription for my neighbour who got me a lovely selection of alcohol free beers! She thanked me for the blog and said she was really enjoying reading it and I burst into tears…. 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

So… emotional day today but very busy and as I’m writing this now I’m feeling a bit brighter. Our neighbour Holly and the girls came in to the garden for a bit and then made me a bite to eat. We had a good chance to chat and it was good to take my mind off everything. Craig went to visit Jim and Fiona and sat in the garden with them. I miss them but I’d had been a bit too much today so better to stay home. Next time you guys!

Stay safe everyone 💜💜💜

Got woken by a very squeaky bin lorry this morning… it’s early…. but it’s fine as it goes through the village one way and then comes back down our side after it’s done all the farms etc….. USUALLY…. but no not today. 🤦🏻‍♀️ by the time I walk down the length of the back garden, get the bin out of the newly designated bin area and of course the grey one is third one in… get it out the garden and down round the side of the pub and you guessed it, I missed the bin men. Bloody typical…

Not sure I can even explain how I feel today, there’s an anger and frustration that is honestly totally unfounded. It’s a beautiful day, we’ve been out working in the garden, there’s nothing to stress about and yet my head is mince. A jumbled up mess of noise. So jumbled I can’t even really make head nor tail of the noise. I can’t think straight about anything and don’t ask me to make the simplest of decisions.

So despite my mood I’ve had coffee and the second coat on the front door by 10.30am (it’s still tacky at 4pm!!) Craig says it’s not tacky, it’s really nice… sigh…. I know a few other folk who’d a come out with that one too! 🙄😬 and now it’s time to walk the darlings!

Ooh forgot to say I did work my magic on a passing bin lorry at the back of 10… I saw them coming and I pretty much danced around my bin highlighting it and showing how lovely it was, looks at this beautiful bin… please empty it?!? The guy drove up smiling and said “I’m no emptying that…” he was always going to and I knew that so we had a laugh. I mean honestly, how can you forget a bin in lockdown when there’s nothing else to do 🤦🏻‍♀️😆🤷🏻‍♀️

By the time I got home Craig was back on with the decking! He’d had to order some additional wood and we’ve cleared an area for some stone chips and that will finish the whole garden…. 4 and a half years after we moved in (how much more of lockdown is there?!?! God knows what we’ll do next 🤷🏻‍♀️😆🤣 maybe actually relax??!

So yeah, It’s like I’m asleep inside my head but angry with myself at the same time. I’m so overweight that I need to exercise and count my calories but I don’t want to cook anything. I just wanted to eat junk because it’s easy then I get disgusted with myself for not being more careful. Wee Rachel next door went to the cash and carry with her mum today and got sweeties which she split up into cups and took them round the village to cheer everyone up. I inhaled them!! I must be the only person in the world who gave up drink and put on 3 stone. I need to stop beating myself up for feeling like this.

Sorry it’s not a more positive one today. I’m ok, if you bumped into me it would be all laughter and giggles. That’s what I do best. Tomorrow is a new day. 🌈

Stay safe everyone

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You know you’ve arrived in the world when your first thought in the morning is that you really need to do a poop scoop… it’s a lovely morning and that’s the first thought in my mind. Poop needs scooped before I can relax. That’s not a euphemism 🤣….. 🐶💩🐶💩🐶💩… now the garden is acceptable for a sunny day!

So coffee and paperwork this morning. Updated my budget spreadsheet…… ooooooh check me….. trying to figure out how long my redundancy will last! Still don’t have the answer 😆 quite proud of myself sitting on the laptop working away…. it’s been a while. Craig made scrambled eggs with smoked salmon for breakkie which was awfy good. But I’m really emotional today…. the tears are not far away. We watched the last episode of The Newsroom last night and I had tears in my eyes most of the way through. My diet and exercise have been shocking these last few days. I feel sad and exhausted and the simplest thing could send me over the edge. It’s maybe that Coronacoaster we’re all on??

I’m overwhelmed by the response to my blog. Everyone has been so kind. I got a lovely surprise delivery at my door last night. I got into bed and checked the phone before I switched off and had a message to say go look at the front door!

So speaking of doors… I decided that today was the day the front door was getting painted. It’s been a state for a while and living right on the main road means it’s filthy all the time. To be fair it was white….

I’m one of those people that wants to paint the door and just want to paint the door… so I had to unscrew the surround and sand the door. Craig shouts that would be much faster with the drill screwdriver…. hmmm I just keep going with my wee Phillips screwdriver so I can stay angry at the faffing…. women eh?!? So finally it’s ready to paint!! It’s not a fun job as it’s that glossy dragging feeling and the brush creates streak marks in the paint but it’s done by 2pm. Definitely needing a second coat but the result is that I can’t do that for a minimum of 16 hours. Ya dancer!! 🎉🎊🎏🎀🎊🎈thats the most I’ve smiled all day, it’s lifted my mood though.

There’s a real north/south divide with Coronvirus news at the moment. Sky News are not reporting any death figures today but heavily feature the amount of people on the beaches….

England will be opening all non essential retail shops from 15th June and they are urging everyone to use common sense. Not much common sense on that beach?!?

Scotland are still “stay at home” and on Thursday we can meet up with another household outside keeping 2m physical distance. I realise that it’s likely that we all have to catch it at some time. Yet they say immunity only last 6 months as well….

I remember back to the Italian and Spanish footage of their early infection. They were about 2 weeks in front of us and the true horror was all over our screens. Watching their emergency wards was one of the most harrowing things I’ve seen. Maybe it’s just me but the UK have a higher death rate than Italy and yet this horror doesn’t seem to have been reported. I feel like we’ve sailed through 36k+ deaths with a stiff upper British lip… no news reports of us struggling, of our exhaustion battling the virus. Nothing like the coverage we saw from Italy. Just my thoughts….

I feel a bit brighter this evening. I’ve done virtually zero steps the last few days and Craig made me chips and cheese for dinner while he had steak. I was just in the mood for junk…. then our neighbour delivered toffee cream meringues!! I will never be thin living next door to the pub chef!!

Stay safe everyone! 💜💜💜

First of all thanks to the Western European Director of Overland Bound for today’s title! He hit the nail on the head yesterday… a blog an excuse for women to do their favourite thing…. talk!!!! (As an aside bloody Bhruic just knocked my Becks Blue over 😤😤😤 cleaned… now calmed down!!)

So very quiet and lazy day today, but a good day. I’ve sorted through paperwork, made to do lists for Craig, (🤫😉) and read some old historical Beith books that a neighbour had given me.

We moved to Gateside near Beith in October 2015 and since I spent most of the time driving out of it for work, I know very little about the area. Was great to read the original minutes of the night the Memorial Hall was opened in the late 1890’s. It was a tribute to a 19 year old local girl who died. She seems to have been so highly thought of but in all of the history I can’t find why she died. She was sorely missed. The hall was used as a local gathering place for the group Scottish Girls. Think some of us present day Scottish Girls should bring that idea back!

One book is dedicated to the old news stories of Beith was fascinating! There’s been rail accidents, mill accidents, it told when the first electricity was switched on…. still going through it but really interesting to take the time to read up on the history. I had questions so messaged our friend Fiona most of the morning!! She gave us some new walks to do and Claire next door and I are already planning our Thursday morning legal socially distanced walk to some local falls! The new phase of lockdown allows it!

I also did the suicide awareness course that I recommended in yesterday’s blog… wow, very powerful stuff… yet so obvious that we should look out for each other.

❤️

You may never know it but you could save a life as a result

❤️

We heard some great news that our neighbour Michelle’s uncle has survived COVID-19 after being on a ventilator for 14 days! He’s never missed a day of work as a delivery driver in 30 years until now. Michelle posted a vid of his return home on FB with all the neighbours out clapping him. What an amazing outcome for a great guy!

He warns that we should still try to stay home as much as possible though. He knew how serious his illness had become and didn’t think he’d make it to hospital. He said the paramedic called to his house kept saying he “needed that ambulance now”. Most of us don’t know anyone affected personally by this so I have to use Michelle’s Uncle Tam as our reminder not to relax the rules too much. Coronavirus can be deadly and you just never know when. Stay safe everyone ❤️❤️❤️