Wow it’s been the hottest day so far, it’s blistering hot which for Scotland is amazing! I’ve been running about like a headless chicken all day too and it’s 16.48 and I’ve only just sat down.

So where did the day start? Oh yeah good sleep and up with alarm at 7.30am.

A quick check on coronavirus news…. today focussed on the amount of jobs lost.

So my wonderful husband who’s been using the Beetle for the last few days( as they Jeep was in the garage) left me with the fuel light on so I left early for Volunteering today. The van’s still in the garage so needed to take the Beetle and make two trips, the only saving grace being the Beetle’s air con is amazing!!! Turns out that was just as well I left early as I had 14 deliveries to make today. Long way from the 3 I started off with… got to see all my usuals plus a few newbies which was lovely.

I don’t normally go to the BP garage in Beith as it’s pretty expensive but I had no choice. Drive in there, parked, go out took nozzle out and into the car when I realised that there was a big sign saying cash payments only….. so I had to carry on with very close to zero fuel!

I’d bought a new mug for one wee lady and she was so chuffed, she’d broken hers last week. She told me she loved me! Awwwwww that’s what it’s all about. ❤️ being kind and making people happy but without making yourself feel sad.

So I had to go back to base to pick up my second run and came home to get cash for the garage. The cash that had been lying out was gone. I had to do the rest of the run with my fingers crossed that I didn’t run out of fuel. I was officially a member of the zero club!

After the final delivered I drove to Kilbirnie Thames garage on fumes and was so relieved I got there! Then the aircon was up full again as I didn’t need to save fuel anymore. In fact I should go and sit out in the car now to cool down!!! We never get heat like this here. ☀️☀️☀️

So, I wasn’t sure whether to write about this or not but it’s a topic that comes up every now and then and today was one of those days. However, I know I’m on the road to healing as this is usually a difficult day for me and yet I’ve felt nothing today for the first time. What the hell is she gonna come out with, you wonder?!? Today is the day that the kids go back to school after the summer holidays (let alone after COVID-19) and everyone posts pictures of first today back at school and I could never do that. I always felt a jealousy because we never had kids.

It was just one of those things…. nothing wrong with either of us it just didn’t happen despite NHS intervention. Those years of trying really took their toll on us and I guess was another nail in the coffin carrying my mental health. I had to inject myself in the stomach of the toilets at work and then go out to the next beating for something going wrong in the factory. My body wasn’t really any place of tranquility for a wee bubba to grow….

I used to dread first day back at school as the jealousy would overwhelm me. I would remember all those months of bereavement and wonder why that happened to me. I used to avoid people who were pregnant as I couldn’t bear to see their happiness and expanding belly. I had one friend that knew this as was so amazing with her pregnancy that she talked me through how she was feeling etc on a daily basis because I asked her too and I wasn’t jealous. Lea’s wee boy Jacob started school today and just looked so cute and handsome in his uniform today. It’s apt that today should be the first year that I genuinely have no negative feelings about first day back AT ALL other than a smile at peoples photos on FB. I’m really proud that I can say that today.

These are all things that define who we are and determine who we become. For a long time now we have been very happy not having kids in our lives as we have friends with such lovely kids that we can borrow and give back. It just wasn’t meant to be for us and I can see that now. Our life is how it’s meant to be now.

So just leading on from that, this is day 11 of reduced meds and for those of you worried, Craigie is still ok, I’ve not driven him insane with stress, anxiety and floods of tears so long may this continue. Watch this space.

I have crochet tonight in all this heat so I hope we might sit out in the beer garden though it might be cooler inside the pub! I’ve booked another job for Pawsitive Solutions this afternoon too so I think I’ll squeeze in a wee nana nap before I head next door to make the next square for Craig’s blanket!

Stay safe everyone 💜❤️💜

Well…. the fresh air only conked me out for 1 night. Wide awake at 5.30am this morning. Up with the alarm at 8 and now can’t stop yawning!!!! 🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱

So you may be aware that we are currently a 3 car family…. flash maybe, but definitely not today… ALL 3 CARS ARE IN THE GARAGE!!!! All of them at the same time and not necessarily a fault of our own…

1. Jeep…. Duskview in Barmill do not seem to want to let it go. Every day they say it will be ready and then every day it will suddenly be tomorrow… they’ve now had it for 12 days.
2. Abbie the camper… in Glengarnock MOT Centre to have the rear paint work repaired.
3. Beetle now in Glengarnock MOT for MOT and a service

So yeah…. we should get the Beetle back tonight… the Jeep maybe today but who actually knows?! Whatever they say the opposite seems to happen. Then the van should be back by a Friday. Then we can relax. Get selling the Beetle again with MOT until Sep 2021 and full service.

So Holly picked me up at the garage after I’d dropped the Beetle off and stared around for the van! We then went down to Irvine to the Cash & Carry and to Tool Station for some parts to finish off some work being done in the pub kitchen. Tool Station is click and collect only just now with a wee desk at the front door.

Big day tomorrow in Scotland and the majority of schools return for the first time since 20th March when the COVID-19 pandemic put us into lockdown.

Strange times as teachers are in Gateside Primary to get everything ready for the kids to return. Been a long time since we’ve seen the school looking busy…. I’m not sure how I feel about it. It makes me feel slightly uncomfortable…. I think it’s because it’s another step towards “normal” and my old normal doesn’t exist anymore. I think it’s just a reminder that my “new normal” needs to fit in with everyone else’s normal, if that makes any sense at all???!

Duke University have carried out a study on the suitability of all the different types of face masks which I thought I’d include below.

Also read this morning about the first socially distanced music venue has been set up in Newcastle. I thought this was pretty cool!! Still not sure how they will get folk in and out but I quite liked the idea and maybe it will open up gigs to more people soon.

So the sun is back out today after some heavy overnight rain and it’s hot. I’ve made the mistake of eating a lot of sweets this morning as I was tired and hungry and now I feel worse as I’m probably on the sugar crash!

Woo hoo hoo hoo hoo 2 of the cars are suddenly ready though the Jeep still needs front near side bearings but he’s got it back for now!! While we were picking up the beetle we saw Abbie the camper van a work in progress!!!

It was smack bang in the middle of the forecourt when I got there. They must have seen me looking for it this morning!! Cannot wait to get it back all finished!

Came home and into the pub for a couple of diet cokes in the sun. Its really hot and lovely to sit out.

A very busy day and feel like I haven’t stopped but it’s been good!

Stay safe everyone ❤️❤️❤️

10am I woke up this morning…. actual 10am. 😳 could not believe it!!! I had been out for the count since about 10.30pm the night before!! All that fresh air has done me so much good that I “musta needed it!”

Funny when you say to anyone up here that you had a really long sleep then that’s the standard answer… “you musta needed it”. So it’s 5.30pm already and it only feels like mid afternoon to me. It was that lovely subconscious sleep where I was aware of things going on around me like the bin men coming, the dogs barking, but I couldn’t open my eyes…. As soon as I saw 10.00 on the phone I actually jumped up out of bed an action that I wouldn’t recommend and nearly fell over as soon as I’d done it!

I’ve mentioned it before but there’s a lot of anger in Scottish tourism at the moment where locals are under huge pressure from the staycation Scots. There’s been som horrific mess left behind but some locals are photographing any tents and campervans they see and posting all over FB. I’ve had to leave these groups as they weren’t doing my mental health any favours. But the following made me wish I was still a member so I could post these.

So we have decided to finally arrange a camping trip for this weekend! What could possibly go wrong?! We are looking at a camping and Caravanning Club site as we are members and that might keep the locals at bay…. so we trialled the tent again since we sold the Roof top tent. It’s all hoovered out, aired and freshened ready to go.

Then made 3 calls for Pawsitive Solutions and the day has been my own since then. Craig’s been out at work so I have weeded the garden (not certain my lovely pink nails will thank me for it as they are not so lovely anymore…. !)

Also had a call with Claire McWilliams from Beith Trust to see how I’m getting on with volunteering. We had a good chat about how the chance to volunteer has helped my confidence grow and has helped me to start making the Pawsitive Solutions calls. She gave me some great advice on some books to read and podcasts to listen to! Also getting some training courses to do through them. All good.

We’re seeing a huge spike in new cases in the UK just now so we all have to be extra vigilant. Aberdeen and Preston are back in lockdown now.

So yeah, it’s still here, still very much around but I’m very thankful that no one I know has caught it.

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️

What a lovely night we had last night. Sat outside until about 10.45pm and only went inside as the dogs started to bark at a possible beastie under the wood pile 😬

Reminds me of a strange discussion with Mr A last night…. he called me back out to the garden after we’d gone in last night to see some strange red flowers that he’s only just noticed in the garden??? Intrigued….. hmm new flowers….. 🌺🌺🌺…. hope…. the hydrangea that I’ve showed on the blog hmmmm like pure hunners!!!!!

Glad I rushed out…… 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Had a lovely surprise visit from the in-laws this morning. They are off on holiday this week but Craig’s shifts are crazy all week… maybe because he has an enquiry booker who’s making it her life’s work to keep him busy?!? 🤭😆

I’ve just had to pay to upgrade to WordPress Premium to get enough space to keep going with the blog. It’s amazing how they catch you. I’m not gonna give up now on day 138 and I suppose they know that… captive market.

Anyway, in COVID news, huge congrats to New Zealand for managing this so well. They have achieved 100 days without a new case.

It’s only 14.49 and I’m going to publish this already for today. It’s glorious and I’m going to relax and enjoy it without my face in the phone all the time. I hope you are all enjoying this lovely weather. What a difference it makes on my mental health.

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️

What a beautiful start to the morning. Its hot, there’s no breeze and everything is calm…. I am trying to sit outside in my own silence and I’ve had marrow bones given to me by Calaidh, Freya trying to get me to throw the ball and Bhruic wanting cuddles.

I will start again, I am sitting outside in the sun trying to just be in my own silence…. nope now the bone is being dragged across the sunroom floor and Freya and Bhru are jumping around at the “lovely” sound it makes on the stone tiles.

Oh now Calaidh’s barking starts the sound of a van outside…. “the Asda shop is here Auntie Claire” such a wonderful dog trying to keep the neighbours up to speed with their deliveries. 😳🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

In a rare moment of silence all I hear are the birds and the bees… no not that kind.. the actual kind 🦅🐝 ok and there are no eagles either but you get the drift. I used to scream like a loony every time something buzzed near by me but I don’t know if it’s come with age or it’s just the meds numbing my emotions, but these days I don’t even flinch. It’s fascinating to watch bees on the flowers.

Oh magic…. just broke the bench I’m sitting on…

You honestly have to laugh…. it’s almost as if life keeps throwing me sh*t to make this blog funny. Enough already ok.

I went off to apply sunscreen there as it really is that hot… not complaining! Then spent probably close to 3 or 4 times following my steps around the house looking for this goddamn phone to continue my inner silence. It is not going well but I am smiling as I type this so I’ll take that as a positive. 2 days ago I’d have been short of breath at everything that’s “gone wrong” this morning. It hasn’t “gone wrong” it’s just life.

I came cross this lovely post below by Brené Brown who set me on the path to reading about how true healing comes from vulnerability. It was shared by a group on FB called Conscious Community. This is lovely….

I feel like I could have written that myself… not that I’m anywhere near as prolific as her but it was like she was writing my story too. I cannot go back and make my details pretty either but I do plan on staying awkward, brave and kind. Think that might be my new mantra. ❤️

Sun’s gone in… lathered in factor 30 and 15… 🤦🏻‍♀️😳

Was invited to a wee picnic dog walk with Rachel and Nacho (2 doors down) and wee Rachel with Leo from next door at 11am so room Bhru & Freya with me as Craig was raking Calaidh off to work.

I have had the loveliest of lazy days sitting reading my book in the sun. That’s what sunny days are all about.

Had Claire in front next door for a wee chat and juice in the sun and Craig and I are sitting on the decking with the fire pit heating up to cook dinner. Think we’re having fish, potatoes and salad. Cooking the fish on our skillet pan and the potatoes from the garden boiling on the fire too!

It’s definitely an outdoor day for us Avery’s.

Oh and just had a message from the guy who bought the roof top tent… it would appear he has my reading glasses….. they must have fallen off when I was in the tent. Least I know where they are?!?! You can imagine my fear when he sent pictures saying I’m guessing these are yours………. it could have been anything?!??!!! Phew!!!

Stay safe everyone ❤️❤️❤️

Wee bit sad today as I’ve just dropped my beloved Abbie the camper van at Garnock MOT today to get her barn door and rear bumper bashes fixed and some touch up on the front bumper where the previous owner used to park too close to the front of the house. (Point to note here that in my early days in a previous job I did hit the factory wall in my excitement at driving straight into a parking place?!?! Didn’t live that down for a long while…. 😆)

Just need to clearly point out that NONE of the damage on the van had been caused by me?!? Ok?!? Yet…… 😬

So yeah she’s away for about a week!!! One whole week…. we’re back into the Beetle, just as well we still have it! Still love love love driving it but can’t be greedy and have both. It corners like it’s on rails…. but that’s lady style driving rails again just to be clear… It’s still for sale 😁 getting an MOT and service on Tuesday. Watch out I’d the garage wants both my cars at the same time!!?!?? To make matters worse the Jeep is STILL in another garage.

I got back up from the garage and had a wee wander round the garden to see what’s been blooming in that incessant rain!

So I’ve made a couple of calls this morning and spoken to the loveliest lady who was shouted at by another dog owner the other day. She is terrified to walk her dog and a big bully made her feel even worse about it. That same thing happened to me at the early stage of my mental health journey and I can around everything that man said to me. People can be so cruel when can we all just be kind to others and the world would be a much nicer place. It takes nothing to be kind…. not a penny. Rant over.

So….. mood wise I’m not the best but I am trying to understand it. When I have downtime, I’m sure I should be making better use of it. So Craig’s taken the pups out and I have run around the house and “sharked” it AGAIN…… dog hair removes until it returns which I’m sure will be in about half and hour of their return, at best. Now I’ve sat down and out my feet up and am catching up on the blog. No hairy flurry or activity around me. Just me. And breathe….

They’re back….. it’s precisely 5 seconds before there is hair flying everywhere…. 😳😤😆

So I’ve booked 8 Pawsitive Solutions jobs this week and managed to increase my booking percentage to 30%!!! Love updating the spreadsheet to see what it does to my percentages…. 😂😂

It’s been a funny day today…. I’m ok but a bit meh….. still that’s better than yesterday’s wound-up-like-a-coiled-spring!

We have a socially distanced 50th in the pub tonight for Holly’s brother in law, Michael so I better get showered and ready soon and looking out my big gladrags. There are 3 tables I believe, one with his family who have obviously mixed, 2nd a close friends family and 3rd the neighbours table who have mixed. Sandwiches and crisps cannot cross tables so we all get our own munchies. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why I need big gladrags 🤭😆

Enjoying a great night out!

Stay safe everyone 💜💜💜

Had a good laugh with the Crochet Hookers last night. I’ve got them all on alcohol free Gin now so they can still drive home! I managed to do one more full square for Craigie’s blanket which was a bonus too and no mistakes this time just because I was chatting. We’re awake at 6 this morning and it’s misty and damp looking outside but it’s meant to heat up today so hope the sun burns it away soon. No more rain today I hope. That’s been soul destroying!!

So after a bit of exploring throughout the day it’s safe to say I am not in the best frame of mind…. I feel very anxious, stressed and almost angry. The tension is unbelievable. My right shoulder, back and arm are sore even when I walk…. don’t worry I have not taking to walking on my hands?!?!!?

My Auntie Jac popped down for a bit today and I cried when I she asked how I was…. just wan o’ they days I guess.

I was very breathless which is the anxiety taking its toll. Thinking about a million things at once and while I had a lot to do it was nothing that was really bad. I had to get out the house for a bit though.

We went to Auchengree dam shop for a roll and a coffee. First time back there since March! they have a one way system through the shop and out the cafe.

I felt a wee bit better after a wee trip out but had to be back for 12pm as I had a guy coming out to measure up for shutters for the bedroom window between 12 and 5. I also had 4 calls to make so did that and then we popped into the Gateside Inn for a bowl of soup.

By this time my shoulders, right arm and wrist are aching, a real toothache type pain that I just cannot shrug. I am almost tensing up by the minute. I feel angry and hate that I feel this sore.

The blinds guy turns up at 3 and no he’s not blind, measured up, quotes and goes and by this time I am almost grinding my teeth with stress.

Thankfully I have Shelagh Cumming’s Emotional Freedom Technique tapping group at 4. It was meant to stop as lockdown was eased but we all enjoyed each other’s company so much that she’s kept it running once a month.

Strangely everyone said they felt the same so we worked on the pain. How did it feel? Where was it? What was it telling us? apart from naturally calming down the tension through the tapping group, my pain was telling me that I was really tired and I needed a rest. I needed to relax.

By the end of the group I felt better. The pain does not just magically disappear but it helps us understand it and give it what it needs.

Nana nap…… from 5-6.10pm precisely. It’s now 8pm and I’ve been working on the blog since then and honestly do feel a whole lot better.

I’ve fought another day and you know what it was hard but I won.

Stay safe everyone 🌈🌈🌈

I slept like a log last night, totally out for the count and not a single spark of a dream. Such a good feeling to wake up and know you slept. Didn’t make any difference to how tired I’m still feeling but hey… I’m picking the positives that I can.

So out for food bank volunteering today with the Beith Trust. It was a lovely morning, warm so hoody was discarded early on. Had an additional 4 deliveries today as one of the volunteers had to got back to work this week. Still got my usual chats. Delivered clothes to my Elvis van who can’t get out to the shops and was desperate for new T-shirt’s, toilet rolls courtesy of Holly at the Gateside Inn went to 3 houses… one lovely wee man forgot all about me and went for a walk to Kelburn estate in Largs. I had to go past his house 3 times before I found him back!

Unfortunately 2 people weren’t in and one neighbour told me a guy had moved out… maybe that’s why he’s not answered the door the last 2 weeks?!? I could feel myself getting breathless with the frustration….

After yesterday’s rain, the A83 Rest and Be Thankful is closed due to serious land slips. Millions of pounds has been spent on shoring up the roads. The A83 FB page showed the following:

AND ITS RAINING AGAIN NOW!!!!!!!!! Enough already…..

I’ve mentioned before that locals up north are up in arms about the tourists disrespecting the land as a result of Coronavirus staycations. No one can really get abroad just now on holidays so maybe there are more people trying to travel round the UK just now. The complaints from locals are dreadful and it’s tarring is all with the same brush. I think it may be better NOT to be a part of these Fb groups as it might be better not to know what they are thinking of is.

Overland Bound encourage us to leave the area the way we found it or clean up other rubbish as well a taking our own. That’s why I have my litter picker, bags and my OB hi-vis vest. We are trying to educate these groups that not all tourists or travellers are bad…. but some people just don’t want to know. The group NC500 The Land Weeps is the worst one. They do not want to hear that there are overlanders who want to help collect the mess. They think wild camping should be banned to stop it from ever happening. It’s a sad battle just now and hope it settles down by the end of the summer. Just another problem that COVID is causing….

So I am now under here…. I’m really tired after today’s volunteering. I have my feet up in Grans chair with a Bhruic sized blanket and I’m going to have a wee nap before Crochet at 7 in the pub.

On a more personal note…. the doc has recommended I reduce my meds since I’ve been feeling a fair bit better. They really numb my emotions at times and mean I can’t really feel any real excitement. The opposite of that is that the very dark thoughts are numbed too. So I’ve been taking less since the 1st August so let’s see how this goes…. watch this space and keep a wee eye out for poor Craigie as he may be about embark on a roller coaster ride without even knowing it. 🎢🎡🤣

Stay safe everyone ❤️💜❤️

I’d love to analyse my dreams last nights was at school and I was sick with anxiety and depression but just kept fainting everywhere and no one cared except for one guy they kept sending to pick me up? He had no choice and always looked pissed off he was left to deal with me. I was trying to clear out my office (?!?!) at school and no one would help and I just kept fainting. I couldn’t think straight to move on with anything. I was meant to meet my Gran (sadly not longer with us) in front of a local supermarket in Penicuik where I grew up but I couldn’t get to her so left her sitting waiting outside all night and no one knew…… not a clue where that comes from?!?

Anyway back to the real world… well as real as mine gets just now!

Abbie the camper was booked into the garage today to get the work done on her rear barn doors and bumper where someone reversed into the previous owner. Out to the garage promptly for 9am in the pouring rain, only to be told they are running a few days behind so they can’t give me it back until next Friday….. next Friday?!?! It’s only Tuesday this week?!? Maybe I was a tad naive in thinking a one day turnaround and I would have her back tonight?! 🤔🤭😳

Nothing else for it but to batten down the hatches and raid the freezers and huff that Abbie is not getting her paint work… booked it over 5 weeks ago so been waiting a long time. They are struggling to get some kinds of metallics due to Covid-19 so I can’t be too pee’d off…… will let it out here…. 😩🤬😡🤬😤

So I’ve only 2 enquiries to follow up this morning for Pawsitive Solutions and the day is my oyster. A damp squib more like but let’s look at the “pawsitives” (see what I did there…..) a chance to tidy up inside without any desire to rush off somewhere else…. yay! (Ok I’m still mad at the garage so being sarcastic here too…) I will get over it. I promise.

I follow a lovely page on FB Positively Happy 🦋 where Zoe shares lots of these lovely quotes. A nice start to the day.

Right enough sitting around I am getting up out of Grans chair and getting at it… whatever it turns out to be!!

Enquiries called and another 2 booked ✅ home insurance ✅ lunch ✅ took Jeep parts down to the garage when they arrived and saw the extent of the local flooding!

Back home after being the best wife ever going out in Stormageddon for the Jeep….

Well I’ve had the most productive afternoon, making the most of the torrential rain and bloody miserable day. I’ve run through my whole budget spreadsheet to see where everything stands considering I am unemployed at the moment… so who wants to start paying to read this #joking!! All good. Nothing to panic about just yet. I just love a good spreadsheet. I’ve also calculated that I’m currently booking 28% of the enquiries that I follow up which I think is no half bad.

I’m now watching a junkie romcom on tv while I finish this, well seeing Craig is still out at work just now. I’ve finally managed to get the puppers outside and Calaidh is looking around as if trying to suss our what’s going on?!? Yip she’s back in already…. I would be too…

Stay safe everyone 💜💜💜

Wide awake at 4.30am trying to solve all the worlds problems in my head… must have fallen back to sleep and then couldn’t move at 8am! Got straight in the shower and Craig asked what’s wrong….. nothing, why?!? He says it’s early and you’re in the shower? Hmmmm cheeky sod!!

So it’s the start of a busy week. I’m making most of the Pawsitive Solutions calls this week as the girl is on holiday. First things first, need to get the monster pups out. It’s actually a lovely morning which surprises me.

So back home and sat down and the desk with a coffee and made Pawsitive Solutions and Best Buddies calls until just before 12pm. Then went to the shops with Holly next door and her girls Louise and Rachel.

We had a really nice wee trip out and it wasn’t too bad from a scary virus point of view. The car park at Linwood was the busiest I’ve seen it since lockdown started but there are enough shops open that everyone was scattered about.

So back home about 3.30pm and following up the calls from earlier until 6.30pm. Booked another 2 jobs for Craig!! Then went into Claire’s next door for a quick coffee and home to write this.

It’s been a good day but I’m really tired as no time to rest and I still feel I need that most days still. Finally sat down in front of the tv…

A quick one today but….

Stay safe everyone ❤️❤️❤️

Slept like a LOG… having a lovely lazy morning, I say that then remember I am writing lists of things that need doing so really while lazy it still very much has a purpose. This old mind of mine is like a ticking clock….. the main thing is that I’m in Grans chair with my feet up and life doesn’t get much better than that!

This year has not been how any one of could could ever have imagined. While some people’s lives have changed for the first I can only say that lockdown has been the making of me. I’ve said before that everyone joined my wee crazy stay at home world and made it ok for me to be in isolation. Up until now I’ve felt that life was passing me by and I was missing out, despite not actually wanting to, or being able to join in. So who knows what the second half of 2020 will bring. We can only live for the present day and be grateful for that. I’ve wanted to be able to say that and really mean it for years and now I truly can.

There also a few virus funnies I’ve seen recently as we adjust to a new normal wearing masks inside shops etc

And now more seriously….

Let’s think about all this for a minute. 102 years on, all the technology we have now and yet NOTHING has changed. We think we have the answers to everything, we think we know it all. Our world has been brought to its knees by a virus. We’ve worried about wars and natural disasters, all of which have been dreadful, terrifying and life changing for many but our whole world has stopped again… for a virus. 😷🦠😳

You know, I just want to say that I am loving writing this today. I just told Craig it was going to be a good one and he said “they’re always good”….. cheesy moment as I told him that I was so lucky he supported this every step of the way. All it would take would be one word of negativity from him and this blog would be finished. I’d second guess everything I write and worry about being on the phone so much blah blah blah… I told him that he was the best husband ever for supporting me……he said “yeah well I don’t read it” with a huge grin on his face. We have a completely different way of communicating now and I love it though he does deserve a slap for that!

So all this and it’s only 11.24 precisely. I put the phone down and cleaned the house like a maddie. LOVIN’ my new hoover although I had to empty it 3 times today. Maybe need a new hoover per dog?!? So bathrooms cleaned every hair picked up and I’m now out in the sun, feet up again enjoying the heat for a change.

I’m not sure if the sun will last but it’s nice to have time time with no dogs while Craig walks them. He asked me if I was sure I didn’t want to come with him. I was sure…. 🤔🤭😊

It’s only been 5 minutes and it’s clouded over and I’m cold 😳🤣

Craig sent me a Nike film video to share as it talks about how sport is managing through the pandemic. Worth a watch shows how we have had to adapt.

So I literally have spent the afternoon with my feet up which is really nice for once. I came inside and got warmer clothes on and then the sun came out. Honestly go figure. Some country this we live in. The weather doesn’t know what it’s doing one minute to the next.

We’re gonna have a very early dinner. Roast chicken crown is in the oven with potato croquettes and veg. Trying to replace some of the high sugar and high fat foods with fruit and veg.

Hope you all have a lovely Sunday and manage to relax at some point. I have a busy week ahead… check me. Going to psych myself up for it.

Stay safe everyone ❤️❤️❤️

We had a really late night last night as the guy who bought our roof top tent didn’t get here until 8.50pm and left at 10.30pm by the time he got it on the roof!! We popped into the pub for a chat afterwards and in bed by midnight…. when was the last time I did that through lockdown?!?!

So after being up to the loo a million times through the night, we finally got up after 8 and sat and had a lovely chilled out Saturday morning. ☕️☕️🍞🍳

Donald L Reid is the Councillor for Kilbirnie & Beith, ward 7. He had posted a blog on FB where I read the following:

So I emailed him this morning with the details of my daily blog. Some of you will remember I started writing this as the Beith Townhouse has asked for a diary of life during this Covid-19 pandemic. Obviously, I pepper it with my own daily musings and moaning a but I do still try to mention how the virus is affecting our lives.

Claire next door messaged about going out for a walk and I told her today was a day off dog walking for me (novelty!!!!!) so yes but without the pupsters. So we went to the Castle Semple Temple otherwise known as Kenmuir Hill Temple.

So home and feet up and after typing all this I have just had the longest nana nap…. was so good as I was cozy with the sun in the sunroom!! Must have been asleep for a bout 2 hours…… 🥱😴🥱😴

Popped into the pub for a couple of drinks with Jim, Megan, Fiona and Kenny and had a good wee chat. Home for salmon salad with potatoes picked 20mins ago!!

Stay safe everyone 💜❤️💜

Morning everyone, starting early today. Awake with a start at 5.18am but long gone are the days when I had to drag myself out of bed at 5.30 to get to work in time…. so a wee check on COVID-19 news then back to sleep. (my mind is always on blog content although it might not seem it some days… 😳😬😆)

This is huge cause for celebration!! Shows our strategy is working. Obviously new outbreaks might change this sometime in the coming weeks with the new cluster of cases found in Glasgow.

We ended up sitting in the shed at one point until we gave up and the guys went into the pub. I’m now having a wee seat in front of a cheesy chick flick.

Stay safe everyone 💜🧡❤️

What a miserable day. It’s just poured down constantly every minute of the day. I held off to walk the dogs so we didn’t all get soaked but not much point in that as it didn’t stop

I did some coronavirus investigation this morning as it’s been a few days since I read anything.

Started making calls about 9.30 and mucked about on the pc for a while. No bookings today but there’s nothing else for it when the weather is so rotten.

One thing that we’ve been seeing a lot of, since the easing of lockdown, is complaints from locals on fb groups about how badly tourists are treating the landscape. I’ve had to leave some of the groups I’m on as my anxiety will go through the roof if I think I can’t go anywhere in case locals are watching me. Some locals have got really angry. I can completely understand why but locals are upset but it’s sad that all of us responsible campers seem tarred with the same brush. Overland Bound tells us we should leave the area better than we found it.

I think there’s a bigger issue that local councils are not geared up to manage the rubbish that staycations are causing. There can be many piles of rubbish around bins which shows that people want to do the right thing but there isn’t the capacity to manage it. I copied this below from a local near Durness. Rather than the emotional anger of some residents, I think he states his case very clearly and succinctly.

This feels a brief blog today but I’m actually really tired…. the bad weather seems to soon you in and (I’ve just looked out the window, it’s 6pm and it has finally stopped raining!!!!!) praise the Lord!

Another cosy evening in front of the fire I reckon. Tomorrow is due to be a good day!! Here’s hoping!

Stay safe everyone 🧡🧡🧡

Boy did I dream last night….. some nightmare about vampires after me or something so woke up feeling very unrefreshed. Busy day today so got up and straight out with the dogs though couldn’t be bothered in the slightest….

Then off to pick up the food from the Beith Trust and off our volunteering! Have a new addition this week so got to have a lovely chat with my regulars and meet a lovely new lady. I took 9 toilet roll pack as a gift for one house (I told her not to laugh when she saw what the gift was….😆) and saw another one of my wee gfits on someone’s wall!

She is struggling to get new clothes to wear so I said to leave it with me and I’ll see what I can pick up this week. Would never see anyone stuck!

So back home to let the dogs out and a wee bite of lunch before heading out to the Little Coffee Caravan on my way to the supermarket. A nice Almond Milk Latte and a lovely chat with them.

Did a Home Bargains and Aldi shop. Aldi has clear almost shower curtain like partitions between tills that hang down from the ceiling to kind of mid thigh level… not seen that anywhere before.

Head back to the house and was so shattered I needed a wee seat… with my feet up, well it would be rude not to! Only managed about 20 mins!

Katie who lives on the other side of the pub had asked on fb for anyone who wanted their nails down so she could practice gel coat application. she messaged me to ask if I could go this evening so went along at 5pm as for the first time since March I was actually busy tonight…. check me!

Check me with pink nails and some flowers! I’m not a pink person and yet I love these!!!

Back home, dinner and then the great return of the Gateside Hookers at 7pm in the pub! So lovely to see the crochet gang!! Of course it wasn’t anything other than crochet!….. what did you expect?!?! We all tried Ceders alcohol free gin that the pub can now get from the brewery! Amazing the giggles you can have on alcohol free?!?

Very difficult to get a social distanced group selfie…… that bag in the foreground (no…. not me!) is the huge bag I carry Craig’s blanket squares around in! Maybe one day I’ll finish it…. I politely ignored the words “naw, yer no gettin’ a picture as it’ll end up in that bloody blog” 🙉🙊

So again be rude not to post it. 🤣🤣🤣 Awee

A wee bit of normality tonight!

Stay safe everyone 💜🧡❤️

It’s currently 6.03am and I’ve been awake since 5.07 precisely. Had a great sleep, out for the count until the traffic outside woke me.

I’m reflecting on my day yesterday and how I’ve gone from doing nothing to being absolutely terrified making 2 or 3 calls a day for Pawsitive Solutions to making 12 yesterday and booking 6 in one day.

I was brought up to be a good girl. I’m sure we all were. I very rarely put a foot out of place as I wanted to live up to the expectations that my parents had. I didn’t want to upset anyone. I didn’t go boozing in my mid teens, didn’t go to crazy wild parties, was always a bit of a home bird and felt panicky when I was away from mum and sad for any length of time.

When I was 17 we took a family holiday down south and my brother and I had to get the train back up at the end of the second week as we couldn’t take a third week or our Saturday jobs. As the train moved further away from mum and dad I grew increasingly anxious and spent most of the next few days in floods of tears because they were so far away and I missed them. I kept thinking of the huge distance between us and it was gut wrenching! Now, I wonder how many of you reading this are thinking “holy shit”…… most 17 year olds would be organising the party on the way up on the train!! Hmmmm I say that and wonder how we organised anything back then as no mobiles… I guess, get home, make the calls, then party. Nope not me…. mum and dad ended up coming home early as I was in such a state. I will always remember we were at Auntie Marion’s for dinner on the Saturday night after work… phone rings. Mum and dad are home. My anxiety/panic fly straight out the window. Balance has been restored. No, I don’t need to drop everything and run to them, having a lovely time having dinner at my Auntie’s….. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😳😬

All I ever wanted to do was to please others. Make people feel good, make them smile, make them feel proud or happy as a result of who I was to them.

I did not count in this equation. I did not matter to me.

Then go and put this girl into the big, bad corporate world. Where most people eat folk like me for breakfast.

I hid it well for a very long time. I kept going. I fought the fights. I won some battles. I was the golden girl for a good few years who could do no wrong. I was in my happy place. Making everyone proud of me, pleased with me…. blah… blah… you see how it worked.

I had no idea what I was doing to myself at the time. I was gradually destroying myself from the inside out. Over the years I grew horribly defensive, about everything. I had to be that person at work… I had to supply reasons in the blink of an eye as to why my team should not be to blame. I had to cover all angles, all aspects, control the work of others who have their own personalities and did things differently. Defence became my best form of attack. I began to believe that I was truly worthless…. I did not matter. I took the full force from Senior Management, absorbed it all, probably blew it up out of all proportion too but tried my hardest not to pass it on to my team. How the hell was I expected to motivate them if I made them feel like shit too…. I needed them onside, to get the best out of them at all times.

I’m actually shattered writing all of that. I lived this for years.

I dieted, drank wine to numb the pain, ate like a pig, spent money that I didn’t have. All to try and make me feel that wee bit better.

None of that worked.

Then boom… in September 2018 it all falls apart when I just can’t stop crying at work and I have to leave. Jeez I’d been crying for years but not on that scale. My mind was empty. I couldn’t read the simplest of emails without hitting the roof and having no idea how to even deal with it.

Yesterday has changed something for me. I can see the healing, I need to forgive myself for all those bad years. For everything I did that will stay with me for the rest of my life but I can’t let it define me anymore.

I’m sure there will be some hiccups along the way…. but I am not that person anymore. I’ve very open about my mental health struggle but have always read that true healing comes from vulnerability. Don’t think you get anymore vulnerable than this….

There are still triggers along the way that bring out “the worst” in me but I have learned how to deal with them. I need to identify them early on and work to manage them until each one becomes second nature.

I want to lift everyone else up too but from a different place this time. I think I did it all before because I felt I had to. Now I will do because I choose to.

It’s now 6.46am and I could sleep now… maybe I’ve bored myself?!?! It’s out of my head now and I can relax before I see what the rest of today has in store for me!

So given all this clarity I have today, what a great time to have a Kinesiology appointment with Shelagh Cumming.

I didn’t feel any particular need to work on anything specific today so we agreed on continuing to clear the way to my future.

At one point I had to say “I am worthless” over and over while Shelagh worked her magic and all of a sudden I said “I am worth this!” It’s not often you get one of those wow moments but I did today! There are 3 things that are going to help me in facing my future head on.

• Writing (surprise!) Where I can explore a particular feeling or reaction or attitude and to try to understand it. I find that I can forgive myself when I write all of this down.
• Work as making the Pawsitive Solutions enquiry calls just now is helping me gain back a confidence that I had lost.
• Expressing myself which allows me to be fully open and honest, no secrets just a vulnerability that leads to healing.

And finally….. (never start a sentence with “and”….) my body has suggested the time has come to cut out high sugar and high fat foods and eat more fresh fruit and veg and to enjoy it. I’ve been talking about weight gain for ages and Shelagh always says it’s not been the time as there have been other issues to deal with…. today is that time. That’s my homework!

So after all this soul searching since the early hours of this morning I am pretty shattered. It’s a good shattered though. The sun is shining although it’s blawin’ a hoolie outside (very windy) so I have washing on the line but have to keep making sure my smalls don’t end up in the beer garden 🤭😆 If the wind would die down I think it would be pretty hot.

That leads me to a funny story this morning…. we were thinking of going away camping this weekend (we can’t now as the guy who is picking up the roof top tent can’t get here till 7.30pm on Friday night and the Jeep’s in the garage that day too) so I was checking the weather forecast for Millarochy which is on the banks of Loch Lomond.

I couldn’t believe that while this weekend looks ok at home weather wise… Milarrochy about an hour or so North was showing 25C on Friday and 29C on Sunday!!!!!!!! I mean wow!!!!!!!! Yeah…… naw….. I was looking up some place called Mellrich in Germany. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😬😆 explains a lot….. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Back home, feet up and just gonna enjoy the heat in the sunroom away from the wind outside. Still keeping an eye on the washing. Still have to choose bathroom tiles…. I’m drawing this out somewhat and will end up with the ones we saw first…

And finally…. that must have been the push we needed…. we have ordered the bathroom tiles!!! We actually got a really good deal given some we were looking at…. the difference in price per square metre is shocking…. so that’s one less thing to worry about.

Now settling down to watch something to pass the night away and just got the washing in before it rained.

Another good day today with a lot of revelation in it for me. Will have an alcohol free beer to celebrate! Cheers!

Stay safe everyone 🧡💜❤️

Just could not sleep last night, was up and down like a yo-yo after my night on the tiles…. I think I redecorates the bathroom loads of times in my head last night. (That’s all about choosing tiles for the bathroom and not being sick through alcohol just for those of you that might not have read yesterday’s blog!)

So up and out with the dogs first thing as the forecast was for horrific rain all day! It’s never as bad when you’re out in it but got them out before the worst of it.

Calaidh was whisked off out to work with Craig so I settled down and starting making Pawsitive Solutions calls. Time flies when you’re having fun as it’s soon after 12 and I have to doll myself up as I’m going out for Afternoon Tea at 1pm with friends!

Very remiss of me to forget to take pictures but I arrived on the dot of 1pm and I’m used to being early… we met at Padaro in Lugton which is 6 minutes from the house so it’s typical that the person closest is the latest?!? To give you an idea of the quality of the food, this plate of cakes is what was left once we had finished!!!!!! Yes, even Julesie the dustbin couldn’t eat everything. I mean… lightweight or what?!?!

So Ruth has been a friend for years and those of you who’ve been in my life for a while will know her as “one of the gym girls”. A group of us met at a Callanetics Studio in East Kilbride back in gosh, maybe the late 1990’s?! I hope Ruth will jump in here…. Ruth and her sister Moyra are just the funniest people in a funny haha way not funny weird (you loving the grammar Ruth?!?) I have some of the best laughs with these ladies and they can make you laugh through the saddest of situations. I met them both with their other sister Lorna today as Ruth had a voucher for afternoon tea from before lockdown.

It was so lovely to see them and catch up and get a good giggle. Life is lovely when you laugh and I could listen to them bat off each other for hours. Thanks so much for inviting me and we promised a return in East Kilbride.

The weather was atrocious when they drove down so it’s my turn next time. They had wondered if they would make it into the blog… 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣 I said that all 25 or so of my readers would now know all about them!!!!

A lovely wee afternoon.

So back to the house and have been making calls since 3.30 and it’s now 6.30pm!! I booked 6 jobs today, how amazing is that?!?! I’m pretty shattered now if I’m honest but I’m a good way. I’m very, very proud of me today. It’s been the closest day to a full working day in a very long time and I managed it. Ok I didn’t start till after 10 and had a 3 hour lunch break… when I put it like that I realise it’s nothing like what I used to do…. but it’s pretty damn good for what I do now!

I did read today that the Spanish holiday quarantine seems very unfair given that Spain had 12 deaths I’ve the last 5 days and the UK had 426. Not sure how true this is but I think the quarantine is being implemented due to the high number of cases in Spain in recent days.

So I’m officially knackered and going to join Craig in the pub for a Diet Coke to celebrate my successful day!

Stay safe everyone ❤️💜🧡

Morning everyone, after yesterday’s rushed blog (due to having a lovely day to be fair) I decided to start today at 9.09am…. it’s a Sunday morning and lockdown has eased enough that life is starting to feel a wee bit more normal. It’s hard to remember that not long ago we were actually only allowed out to the supermarket as little as possible.

I walked around Tesco in Kilbirnie yesterday and realised how quickly masks have become the new normal. Everyone was wearing one and they are starting to become a fashion statement with some! Lots of people are wearing the blue medical look ones which are disposable but I’ve found the cotton ones way more comfortable. I found myself signing into mine yesterday… I mean seriously?!? You know, as I write that that I think how lovely that I was singing (even if the sone was annoying me!) not that long ago I’d have been an anxious mess.

So felt I hadn’t done a covid-19 update for a while so wanted to get a look. Pleased to see Scottish deaths haven’t picked up much over the last month or so. Guess we all have to wait and see if we have a second wave particularly once we get into Autumn.

So we have decided to put our Roof top tent up for sale today… now that we have an extra 2.5” lift on the Jeep suspension the lifting it on and off is a beast of a job and I can’t help with it now. Even on my tiptoes!!!

The end of a era but the money will go to the conversion of Abbie the camper and we’ll go back to our ground tent if away in the Jeep. It takes away a huge amount of camping stress for us as the getting it on and off became such a big job.

Would you believe the roof top tent was sold within about half an hour!!! How amazing is that?!?

So we’ve been out for a bit looking at bathroom tiles. Almost every part of our bathroom is broken so we have decided to renovate while keeping the same bath, toilet and sink but retailing to freshen it up a bit (and fix the bits that are broken!)

Took a million photos of ideas so we can come home and play about with on online app that lets you see what floor and wall combinations go together.

Popped into my neighbour Claire’s for a coffee for the first time in since March! No more relying on good weather and having to hang over the fence up a ladder. Not caught up in ages so great to get a good natter. Came home and looking at bathroom tiles again!!

Going to go and watch a movie now I think and have a chill out evening. Again…. nothing else for it! 💜

Stay safe everyone 💜❤️💜

Did my best work sneaking up on the housework this morning, it wasn’t planned but I took the dog hair in the house by storm… it was EVERYWHERE!!

In between the housework hours I did a wander round the garden seeing what came on in the last torrential rain showers!

Came home from the walk and went to Tesco in Kilbirnie for supplies for our visitors tonight. Got myself a lovely selection of Alcohol Free drinks! Knew I was being really snarky when I got home, really short tempered so decided to go for a wee lie down. Got into bed while Craig was working in the office, had all 3 dogs coorie in with me and I woke up at 18.16pm!!!!!!! A much nicer person I might add…..

Huge rush for shower, changed, dinner and some eyeliner and mascara on, check me….

Spending the evening with our neighbours Jim and Fiona in the sunroom with all 3 dogs… why is it they always need to be exactly where we are all the time…. might be they had their eye on the cheese and biscuits. So lovely to see them (not the dogs) and get a good chat! Jim realised he was in Grans chair just before he went home so spent the last drink reclining before getting himself up to standing ready to leave. Everyone loves Grans chair!!

So it’s now 23.22 and Craig’s just relit the fire but I’m going to bed…. a girl can never have too much sleep in one day. It’s been a good day, it feels good to have the house clean and been lovely to see our friends after all this time.

Stay safe everyone 💜💛🧡

So I had big plans this morning to head out to Largs for a wee chill out by the sea while Craig’s at work but that all went out the window…. and for good reason it turns out.

So first fail of the day, I was meant to meet my new friend Edel for a dog walk at half nine. We’ve met on Shelagh Cumming’s tapping group on a Thursday. So I gets a message at 9.27 to say “I am here”….. oh my actual god. I should be at Castle Semple Loch in Lochwinnoch with the dogs to meet Edel at 9.30am! So after trying to flee about like a headless chicken, we decided to make it next week. Felt so bad but she was lovely about it! So then I thought I’ll catch up on a few Pawsitive Solutions calls then head out…. ended up on the phone till 10.45 then taking Holly and wee Rachel next door to Kilbirnie so Rachel could play with her friend. Then rushed about to get back to Viv’s Nails & Beauty for my appointment at 12pm!!!

Turns out Kilbirnie is a riot with roadworks and lorries getting stuck on the redirection route so the road to Largs would have been a nightmare today. Who knew?!?!? Shows you sometimes that when you think your plans are ruined that it sometimes for the best….

So I’m sitting here just now….. writing this

I want to try and explain the calm I feel sitting here…. I used to come here when I was off sick on the lowest days and watch the water. It’s only 5 mins from the house but it just takes all the stress away… not that I have much at the moment (check me) but some alone time is lovely…..No dogs, no dog hair (😬🤣) just the green and blue and the grey of the rocks. So simple but for me this is what life’s all about. The perfect beauty of our world before humans go and spoil it. I wish we could set up camp here for the night!

Craig’s just called and he’s heading home from work so I’ll head back and get some lunch sorted! Least we’ve stopped taking photos of our food…… 🤭😬🤣🤣

Great idea for lunch….. Straight into the pub…. awful picture but bloody good feed!

So now we are in a food coma and going to have a quiet night in front of the tv…. a la coronavirus lockdown. It’s been a lovely day and Craig is already snoring on the couch. Be rude not to join him with my new eyebrows and painted toes!!!!

Stay safe everyone 💜💕💜