We had the loveliest night with Dave and Angela last night. A wee bite to eat, some drinks and a great catch up. Precious time spent with friends. We only met them in April of 2018 on our first Overland Bound weekend in Loch Lomond and honestly haven’t seen them that many times since but they’re great company and it’s great to hear about their real overlanding travels across many, many countries. You can follow them on FB at Polaris Overland.

We had a lovely time last night. I spared them a photo!!

I feel better today but I’m quiet and I know I’m quiet and it’s nice to just withdraw into my own company sometimes as I can just be.

Had a lazy morning and decided to treat myself to a wee day in Largs. I came here a lot when I was off sick. It has charity shops for a wee wander… the Pound Basket 💷 🧺 that has a wool 🧶 section which is out of this world… it has a CalMac ferry ⛴ and it has the sea 🌊. What’s not to love.

Today I got a present for one of my wee delivery ladies as she is 80 on 13th October. She’s so excited about it and confessed that’s she’s dreading that no one does anythh h info for her. Queue me…. picked up some lovely wee bits and bobs for her. 🎁

It has to be said that there are hundreds of people walking past me but I am not looking at them. I’m on my own and I’m looking at the sea. I just called Craig to say I don’t want to come home but I wish he was here!

How many of us actually take time in life just to be. I think I’d said yesterday that being sober means no escape from everyday life, no oblivion from the rat race, no ahhhh that’s better. Being by the sea does that for me I think. It’s my relaxation. My chill out. My ahhhhh that’s better.

There’s lots of COVID news today as we seem to be on the verge of a second lockdown but I’m not going to cover it as I’m enjoying the moment without negativity.

I’m laughing out loud as a kid next to me just asked if she could swim and was told no… there was no towel and not change of clothes. She’s allowed to paddle and then she falls in…. methinks she planned it all along!! Now every other kid round about wants to swim too… it must be freezing as well?!?!

When do we get so boring as we grow up? We conform to what society expects of us and getting wet with no towel or change of clothes is just horrifying to us…. maybe I need to take a leaf out of that wee girls’ book.

Live for the moment, have fun and do what makes you happy. She is beaming from ear to ear….

They’ve also been trying to get her out of the wager for the last 20 mins and it’s getting boring now!

I hope you’re all having a lovely Sunday. I’m gonna sit here and just be for a bit longer.

Stay safe everyone 🚣🏽‍♀️ ⛵️ ⛴

When my eyes open at first I am usually pretty in tune with my state of mind. That’s doesn’t mean that I wake up saying this is going to be a bad day but a quick scan of thought process etc shows me that we’re gonna need to do some work to make it better.

I feel sluggish but not as bad as I have done. I have been wanting to listen to Russell Brand’s podcast and he did one with Brené Brown called Vulnerability and Power which I’ve added the link to. It’s was really calming to listen to while walking the dogs up to the old golf course. It was hoodie weather but beautiful.

About 8.38 minutes in Brené talks about her life of sobriety. She says that when your sober there is no release from angst, there is no rapture, there is no angelic choir that surrounds you, it’s just small moments of understanding and self love and integrity with a lot of horse shit in between…. that really struck a chord with me as I don’t ever get away from how I feel if that makes sense. There is no “let’s just have a drink” and that makes it all better anymore.

I then went onto Suzanne Robichaud’s webpage and downloaded a meditation to try to reduce my reaction to triggers. I lay back set it on and fell asleep…. woke up at the end. Hope I managed to get some of it in my sleepiness but will do it again tomorrow. I love the sound of her voice.

My in-laws had lunch in the pub next door so I popped in to see them for a wee chat. The brought our washing back and it smells just as wonderful as I knew it would!

We are off out for dinner tonight with Dave and Angela who we know through Overland Bound. I must head for a shower before we go and will post this now. My heads not been right but I have tried my best to fix it. I have got thru 100% of this and will keep on doing so.

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️

It’s glorious today. Pure blue skies, sunshine and it’s hot. (well I say that and I’ve finally sat out in it at time of writing and it’s not as hot as I thought…. 🙊🤣)

Anyway, that aside…. we went down to Tartan Campers with Abbie today to pick the material we want for the new captains’ seats.

She’s getting some upgrade work done at the end October and I found out today they could need her for two or three weeks. Perfect timing for someone coming to see the Beetle on Sunday then eh?!? While that’s very welcome news…. Mr Sod is exerting his law again?!? I have mulled this over all day…. so we keep the Beetle as we need it or allow her to come and see it. I’ve changed my mind all day but I’m going with let her come to see it and if it sells then I have to deal with it.

Of course the Beetle needs valeted again as Craig has been using it for work while the Jeep has been sans clutch but I can get that done tomorrow.

Don’t know if I said the Jeep is back now and Craig says the new clutch feels great and it’s looking A-MAZING. 😍

Had a lovely wee visit to Gayle’s shop today but my anxiety wouldn’t let me relax there either 🤪

Overthinking what I wanted to buy as a gift…. and then had someone queuing to get in…. made me “panic” in the calmest sense of the word, rush my browsing and feel like I’d hardly seen Gayle or the whole of the shop…. it’s just the anxiety telling me that I’m not good enough and second guessing my every thought.

I had 5 calls to make for Pawsitive Solutions and I actually calmed down when I started making them…. oh how I laugh typing that sentence. The calls had me sick with worry less than 3 months ago. Now I’m saying they calmed me down 🤨 it’s ok I hear myself….. but I can’t tell you how much better it makes me feel to write it down.

I heard the door bell and Craig appeared beside me with a huge bouquet…… 💐

I’m just questioning everything in my mind. Those things that usually sit well with me are under scrutiny. I fully believe that I’m in a much better place now than I have been for a long time. I’m aware I have no job…. the old me would have been terrified by that. The new me thinks there are loads of ways to make money without having to surrender myself to a corporate entity again. The old me sneers at that.

I think that’s another problem… the house is a a state due to the renovation in the bathroom. I feel overwhelmed but stuff. Everywhere I look there is more stuff. I’m stressing because I want to clear it all at once but am changing my mind about what’s the most important. I’m running round achieving nothing.

And most of all I am tired. I need to have a wee nap and then it all might just be ok.

Sorry for the negative tone today. I have put myself down in every conversation I’ve had. I can hear it and I cringe and try and turn it around. That, in itself, is tiring.

Think I’ll take tomorrow as a good one.

Stay safe everyone ⭕️⭕️⭕️

Up with gym boy again today but fell back asleep and then was the coos tail trying to get everything done this morning!

It’s a beautiful morning. Headed over to mums….. as first thing as my sleeping in would allow…. still got there for 10.05 which is later than I wanted but not bad going.

As an aside, I find if I have a lot to do in a day then I get a bit anxious when it doesn’t run exactly to my strict timelines. Just chill pet!!!

Lovely to see mum but due to COVID-19 there were no hugs or kisses which is very strange and feels alien to me. It feels rude but it is what it is. I’m sure in years to come physical hugs will be a thing of the past which is very sad.

Was lovely to see her. I took some pictures of all of her flowers as there are so many and they are stunning!

This is the church I grew up in. We were all members of the church choir for years and Dad is the organist. Dad was up cutting the grass today so we went up for a wee drive after coffee to see him.

I grew up playing in these church grounds after every Sunday service and every choir practice. It’s lovely to see it on such a nice day. Got a wee pic of mum leaning against the tower while I negotiated the new Labyrinth that they just cut into the grass as the new ministers request.

Got introduced to the new minister who had a lovely old collie dog called Jep. She was so nervous I couldn’t get her to come to me… believe me, I tried!!

I had calls to make when I came back and the hours since 2pm have just disappeared….. I did sit out and start this!

Sorry this is so late tonight but we drove out to Greenock tonight to meet Dave Spinks for dinner. He’s the DIRECTOR of Overland Bound for Western Europe. Oooooooh!

Saw some stunning views on the way but could take pics as I was driving…. saw a stunning sunset from the window in the restaurant and couldn’t take pics due to social distancing and we were eating…

A great night with a great catch up! Dave will be pleased to know I did get a pic of him!!

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️

Weakened by the gym alarm at 5.30 but managed to get back to sleep until 7.15am.

We had to have Jeepey McJeepface at the garage for 8am for the clutch replacement.

I was out for 9.30 this morning so I could get on with volunteering and be home sharp. 2pm Before I was finished and home!! Everyone was ready for a great chat since I’d been away last week. Was lovely to catch up but I’m done talking now for ages…. we’ll at least until tonight with the Crochet Hookers 🧶 🧶 🧶

Volunteering is taking up a large part of my day now but it’s because I chat and am interested in what people have to say. I learn so much from them about their lives and the local area.

I’ve felt ok today as I know that I won’t have time to do much else but things are still rumbling round in my head. I think I’ll make a list for Friday and get it all done then. Why is it you don’t worry about anything when it’s on a list?!? Takes all the pressure out. Going to see my mum tomorrow for the first time since her op so that will be good.

I still can’t be truly honest about things that make get to me as I still don’t want to hurt other people. My triggered reaction is to say things are fine. Rather than… well actually blah blah blah. What I say and what I do are in harmony but sometimes what I think is not. that’s the next thing to be more aware of.

So tonight is the anniversary of the Crochet Hookers group! 🧶

I joined a crochet class last year as my neighbour Anne said she was going and it would get me out and about. I’d always wanted to crochet as Gran made me a blanket when I was young and I’ve used it ever since, in every house I’ve lived in.

It took me a good few months to master but soon after that I realised how much I loved it!!

Just have to finish Craig’s blanket off now and edge it and then it’s done.

Crochet has been a huge part of my mental health journey as it allowed me to focus on something creative and calm my mind. I used to sit and crochet for hours on end. The Crochet Hookers are a lovely bunch who have been so instrumental in my healing. They are always so supportive and have made me smile on some of my worst days.

Stay safe everyone 🧡🧡🧡

The day starts with TORRENTIAL rain which I did not see coming in our wee mini heatwave. I’m awake early about 6.30am and can hear it from bed.

Remember how I had left the camping stuff airing…. outside?!?!? Now absolutely soaking of course. Thankfully I’d brought the air bed into the house so that was one less thing soaked.

So in my new positive way, I see that it all got a good wash and it’s gonna dry in our planned 20C heat today.

I decided to do the food shopping early this morning and heading to Abbie the camper van just after 8am. She was as dead as a dodo. Flat as a pancake. I leave her for one week and she does.

So back in the house for the key to the Beetle. Honestly that car has been a bloody lifesaver! I don’t know what we would have done without it! Went up to Aldi in Johnstone.

I don’t drive anywhere near as much as I used to and I found the traffic incredibly busy along with the torrential rain and the spray. I had to concentrate way more than I have needed to in the past… but I got there.

Shopping done, home and put away… well Craig did most of that! Went off to make Pawsitive Solutions calls and booked 2 jobs… boom!

Then…… drum roll 🥁 🥁 🥁 I had my first haircut since before lockdown!!!!! It really needed a tidy up and Elaine across the road has built a wee salon into the back of her house! Should have taken a photo!! It’s so smart.

Back home after haircut and I honestly haven’t felt the best today. I was antsy but very tired. Anxious, out of breath and for no reason whatsoever. The house is all over the place just now because of the bathroom renovations. We have all the tiles in the bedroom. All the bathroom extras in the hall. Stoor everywhere!!!!!!

So I think the reason today was I didn’t work from a list… I tried to let myself off the list hook and then stressed about not doing some things while I concentrated on others. One of those days.

I had the best nap for 45 mins and then was woken by the doorbell. Holly (next door) delivered pub Lasagne, garlic bread and coleslaw at 3.30pm totally out of the blue, so amazing! We are so lucky!

Abbie the camper is back up and running fully charged so Claire and I drove down to Largs to give her a run before volunteering tomorrow.

What a lovely evening and the perfect relaxing end to an anxious antsy day. Just lovely.

Sleep well and stay safe everyone 🌅 🍦 😎

My grandad used to say “back to auld claes and porridge” after a holiday… so carrying on the tradition!

Needless to say while a return from holiday is nowhere near as traumatic in my new non corporate life my mind was very much still “on” overnight last night. Seemed to be up and down to the loo like a yo-yo 🪀!!

That’s said it’s been a good day and I have ticked loads off my list…

The plumber was in at 9 and has lifted the bathroom floor and put gyprock on the dry wall but the wet wall is currently being heated to try to dry it out. I can see my redundancy going on electricity today!!

Felt a real spring in my step when I was out with the dogs. An energy that I haven’t felt for a while and it felt good.

I had to look up the definition of close weather as I write things as I speak it makes me wonder if it’s unique to Scotland or general language.

Had 7 calls for Pawsitive Solutions today so started them.

Then Claire and I went over to the Memorial Hall Gateside to check the oil to see if we needed more and had a whole palaver trying to get the lid open to take test the fill level. Had to go and get Robert Marshall to show us what to do…. we are now fully trained in the art of oil level measuring. Started a wee spreadsheet when I came home to keep a track of oil orders…. of course I did… love a wee spreadsheet me.

Claire then came in for a cuppa and we sat outside which is lovely to do as reckon this is going to be the last spell of warm weather this week…. the pups were so pleased to see her!

Then I sent a email to Tartan Campers asking them to confirm when Abbie the campervan will get her renovation and asking a few questions about additional work. This has been bugging me for about a month now. Took my half an hour at most to do it… bugged me for way longer than that!!

Then I sorted insurance for the Beetle….

Yes… the Beetle that is up for sale (still) and yet still needs insurance. That’s ok. It’s done now and to be fair Craig is using it more than I have done in the last few years until Jeepey’s clutch is fixed. (Booked in Wednesday but no sign of actual clutch yet so may have to cancel….)

Hmmm then I decided in my wisdom that the camping stuff should be unpacked to get it all cleaned ready for the winter storage.

The air bed is out airing… (I chuckled 🤭 at that!) and the groundsheet is on the line drying though I think it oils do with a good hose down.

All afternoon I was toying with doing a food shop… would I, won’t I? Finally came to the conclusion that my head wasn’t ready for a food shop if I could decide whether to go or not. Just as well I never as my father-in-law was coming at 4.30 to pick up the washing!! Lucky I didn’t go out.

I’ve had a lovely FaceTime with mum.

All the while being driven insane by Bhruic who obviously thinks there is a visitor or visitors in our garden that need to be aware that she is here to protect us. Honestly she has barked on and off at it/them all afternoon. Thankfully my meds still leave me with enough of a “meh” attitude as I do feel I should currently be freaking out about what she is barking at. But I’m not.

Oh I got a lovely gift all the way from my primary one best bud who now lives in Canada 🇨🇦 …. we’ve only been back in touch in the last few years through FB which is a wonderful thing… being in touch that is… not FB. Well it’s not bad but you know what I mean!

I’m tired now…. have got work to finish off so better get on with that, then put the bin out for uplift at ridiculous o’clock tomorrow morning. Then I might relax. A productive day!

Stay safe everyone 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🇨🇦🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

I slept like an actual log last night. Out…for…the….count! Must have been exhausted from all that crochet that I’d done yesterday 🤔🤭 Certainly didn’t do anything else apart from make coffee, food and go to the loo!

I’ve had a productive day so far without actually planning it. I’ve snuck up on some housework and got things into a semblance of order in time for some normality kicking in tomorrow. There is no point, mid bathroom renovations, in cleaning the house but I’ve done my best to make it look less like a building site.

I’ve made our teeny, tiny, wee spare bathroom into a slightly more acceptable alternative until the main bathroom is finished. I’ve put a pleat in my hair so I don’t have to wash it and limit the bruising that’s likely in the smallest shower cubicle in the world. When you are used to an over bath shower 🛀🏼 it’s the most claustrophobic wee cupboard!

I’ve unpacked and put two washings on and prepared two bags for my lovely in laws as my mother-in-law always offers to help with the washing after a holiday. After days of saying no, no, no it’ll be fine…. I’ve given in today when I realised that packing it up gives me more space and less mess. I now have tidy dirty washing. What’s not to love?!?

It also smells sooooooo good when she does it. I’ve bought all the same products she uses in the past but never can create that same freshness when she does the washing. She may just be lucky that she doesn’t have the hair of 3 dogs to deal with but I’m looking forward to it already. My mum always wishes she was closer to do things like this too.

Popped through to Claire’s for a cuppa and caught up on the news for the last week. Had a lovely wee pet with Bruce the handsome cat. Should have taken a pic.

So I’m back in Gran’s chair with my feet up, writing this. Planning more crochet 🧶 and nothing much else. Craig picked someone potatoes for dinner and he’s got Stovies in the slow cooker for himself and I’m going to have a Baked Potato with tuna as he is using up sausages in his Stovies and I just can’t…

Stovies are just potatoes 🥔 sausages, onion and stock all boiled up together. I read a recipe there which said it was a frugal dish and I guess that’s because it’s a kind of use up meal. I do like corned beef 🥩 Stovies just not the sausage ones.

Here in the UK we’ve experienced a spike in COVID-19 cases where the R number is now between 1 and 1.2. This means for every person infected another 1 or 1.2 people become infected. These numbers sent us into lockdown in March.

So more changes from tomorrow, only 6 people can meet from 2 households again. We just have to work with what we have and make the best of it.

Stay safe everyone 🧡🧡🧡

Not sure that’s a great title for today’s blog from someone who gave up the booze a few years back (minus 2 days!) but hey…. it says it all.

Sitting in Gran’s recliner chair with my feet up (obviously!) next to what we call Nana’s wood burning stove. (Bought with some money when she died.)

Ahhhhhh that’s better, instant comfort, instant heat. I love the outdoors but this is a lovely way to spend a holiday Saturday, safe and cosy together in our house.

I am diligently crocheting 🧶 Craig’s blanket…. since it was never finished before holiday I am now aiming for Christmas…. I mean well before Christmas. Well before…. 😬 (I’m half way down this blog and he’s just said “have you finished it yet”….. he can see I’m on my phone again…. 🙄🤣)

I’ve been thinking a lot about an uncomfortable subject…. I wonder if I should have handled things better, what I could have done differently but part of my healing was to set boundaries where I distanced myself from the things and particularly people that created stress for me for one reason or another.

You have to set boundaries as you can’t be everything to everyone and try to put yourself first at the same time. Those that make you work for friendship, those that aren’t in touch when things go sour, those that don’t know how to deal with it… all have an affect on your mental health.

While I firmly believe it’s my reaction to the “things that broke me” that caused the breaking down I also believe I have to stay away to keep my strength.

If you’re off work with a broken leg, people send you flowers and lots of well wishes. If you’re off work with mental health then it’s a whispered, taboo subject and people stay away so as not to upset you. Those that did get in touch meant a lot as they had broken the mould and reached out.

I feel this is quite a negative subject for my blog as I try to focus on the positive but setting boundaries is a very hard thing to do and the positive for me is that it was a lifesaver. If I speak my truth I will be calm.

A good clear out of Facebook is a great place to start. I used to think that building numbers of friends was the answer to everything. I now realise it’s the quality of friendships that matter.

I realise there are a bunch of new rules for COVID coming into place over the next few days so I’ll get a look at them when I stop being on holiday…. how long can we milk it eh?!

Stay safe everyone 🦥🦥🦥

I may have mentioned a million times before but we hate the wind these days…. now keeping it clean of course I mean the incessant noise while you’re camping. It was very windy overnight but still had an amazing sleep as the wind break had been exceptional… it does exactly what it says on the tin. 😬 to quote an old UK advert!

Coffee and breakfast and decide to take the dogs down to the beach again. We are thinking about going home 2 days early….

So we decided to pack up and go home to beat the weather.

So we got home after 3 and the sun was shining! Everything out the car and into the house and we even remembered the dogs!

While we were away we were getting the bathroom done but they hit a snag… looks like we are getting water in the back wall of the house as the joists as really wet.

So we now need the back wall rendered and the whole bathroom plastered. The plumber knows a plasterer but we’re on our own with a Renderer if that’s even a word?!?

Not surprisingly we are now in the village pub celebrating with a Becks Blue. Well I am… good to be home but we’ve had a good break.

Getting up to speed on the new COVID rules from Monday apparently… only 6 people to meet and from only 2 households. All change again.

Stay safe everyone 😍😍😍

I think I was rolling down a hill sideways last night in the tent.. may have to reconfigure the set up.

Was out for the count until I realised that Craig and the dogs weren’t in the tent! The dogs needed out and returned all having done a wee which was good but I was now awake and trying to sleep flat while the mattress was lying at an angle. Then the mind starts to tick over. Yay, great time for overactive kind to kick in…. I’m sure I fell asleep again but I know I’ll be having a nap later!

We’re sitting chilling today. It’s lovely to have nothing to do, except write the blog… the dogs are fast asleep!

And then there was a nap…. the end of a movie followed by a 2 person, 3 dog nap. The best sleep ever. I wanted to get down to the village for high tide at 5pm but it was 5.55pm already. Best laid plans eh?!?

Had a lovely FaceTime with mum and dad and they’ve been here before and they are stuck in the house just now. Walked back up to the campsite and now have the bbq on again.

I’m just getting my camping mojo back. We pretty much know where everything is finally. I’ve had no shoulder or neck pain at all and yet I’m lying sleeping on the ground every night. Shows me it’s all stress and tension….

Camping is the ultimate relaxation.

With the caveat… as long as it’s dry. And not to windy… and no midges. Amen.

Stay safe everyone 🔥🔥🔥

We escaped from Wales without being caught by the dangerous archer in the woods thankfully. It rained a lot over night…. think it started about precisely 30 seconds before I needed to run the gauntlet to the loo. Typical huh?! Thankfully as is always the case with rain, it sounded so much worse from inside the tent than it actually was outside.

Nothing better than being snug and cosy in the tent with the 3 “dry” dogs (wet dog is never good). It’s my favourite part of camping. My least favourite part is needing a wee in the middle of the night which I invariably do!

The reason shower is in inverted commas is because it’s gonna be cold water and in all seriousness, I think I would rather just be dirty than have a cold shower… outside in September!!! It’s just no happenin’.

We stopped passed McDonald’s as it was about 5 miles from the campsite and “Mrs-I-really-can’t-stomach-meat-anymore” tried to order something veggie… got told it wasn’t serving today so ended up with a double quarter pounder meal as the sign was right in front of me. I ate it but yeah… bowffin’ gave one of my quarter pounders to Craig. Filled a hole but made me turn my nose up a bit.

So poor Craigie had to nurse the clutch every step of the way… fine once we get on a dual carriageway or motorway 🛣 and get up to speed but not so fine on take off and up hill (yes I realise we weren’t in a plane ✈️…. 😂)

The road is changing now, single carriageway, up hill gradients of 6%, 8%. 9% and we’re taking every 5 mile stint as a win. Of course the sat nav takes you up and over Corney Fell….. over the hills on a tiny back road which is not suitable for caravans and Motorhomes. Normally we’d be ok but the gears keep slipping with acceleration.

Of course we had to go find a shop before we set up for the night as we didn’t have enough for 4 nights. Poor Jeepey back on the road again. Quick shop with masks 🎭 again and back.

Everything on this campsite is closed due to COVID-19. No toilet block 🚽 🚾, showers 🧼 🚿 nothing….

Planning another quiet night chilling and patting Jeepey ever time we walk past, for not letting us down. The clutch is ordered and will be delivered when we get back. Just need to last until then.

Stay safe everyone 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

Today is a day of rest. We both needed it I think. Up for coffee and rolls and sausage/vegan sausage a la Juliesie for a change. It’s been very mild overnight which is just as well as “someone” had the king size duvet and 2 blankets wrapped in a wee cocoon last night while I just had my sleeping bag… he wonders why he was so hot all night?!?

At one point I thought I’d got them back only for him to roll away from me and take them all with him again. 🤨

We had steak for dinner last night on the bbq. I think I said. I had vegan steak which was actually really nice. I have no idea why my tastes have changed so much recently but they really have. I just don’t feel comfortable eating “animal”…. I can eat fish without a a second thought, cheese, eggs but I’m just not that fussed about meat.

My mood changes instantly when the sun is out. I relax, I chill, I calm down, my mind stops racing…. it’s hot and it feels lovely on my skin. The place might be a bit or organised chaos but things can dry out in the sun. Everything can lie out in the sun. Including me… all day.

I’m gonna make this a short one today as I’ve just issued day 165 part 2 and I don’t want to sit on my phone all day. There is peace and tranquillity to be enjoyed. I may need a nana nap of course. I have not looked at COVID updates this week at all. There is not much sign of it in Wales to be honest.

We were masks in shops even if others don’t and there’s hand sanitiser at various points on the site but interestingly I’ve hardly seen anyone using the toilets. Think most folk brought their own. While we have, we’re usually the facilities while we can.

Limping the clutch to the Lake District tomorrow, that wee bit closer to home.

Forgot to say, for all of you who asked, mum is home now and starting her recovery with Dad as Chief Nurse. Hope to see her soon.

Stay safe everyone ⛺️⛺️⛺️

Saturday was our first real over landing day out, we’ll certainly for me anyway.

As there were about 18 of us on the day, we split into 3 groups and somehow I heard Craig saying that he would lead our group. While that’s all very well for him, I’m suddenly starting to click that this means I am gonna end up being lead navigator.

My head doesn’t like that…… I am trying to follow a map with tiny arrows on it but guess left and right from the past directions rather than the map moving in the direction I travel. My brain just does not compute this… it panics…. it throws its wee brain hands up in the air and has a wee paddy whack to itself… I try to voice my thoughts but I let them float away when they hit the air… placated by “it will be fine”… “fine”… that bloody word that doesn’t really exist.

On the positive side of this I was in and out of that Jeep running up and down green lanes like a loony all day so hit my 10k steps easy. No wonder I was exhausted at night and about the first one in bed!

Someone (!?!?) had “placed” the giant rock right in the middle of the lane. It was so muddy folk we’re sliding into it. We had the bonus of being behind this group so Craig could see exactly how to get round it. That doesn’t always mean the ground lets you do it though. Craig got past it but couldn’t get the Jeep to turn out of the tracks so he just kept going until it looked less muddy.

Everyone agreed it was time for a coffee stop!! ☕️ One of the LandRover’s has a winch so be towed it out the way after we all got through. Save anyone else hitting it in future.

Now this is where all the “fun” starts…

Drive up past this cottage and take a left… there don’t seem to be any lefts except some overgrown driveway into a field… but yes….

Round the bed and up a rocky almost dry river bed. Then… all of a sudden, smoke blowing out from under the bonnet. At the same time someone shout over the CB “get out the car” and I honestly thought she was gonna blow.

That is how irrationally I was thinking. Honestly my head fell apart. It was so dramatic that you’d honestly think I thought we were going to die there. I mean, how bloody ridiculous but I was in a total tailspin. I couldn’t breathe properly. All the while trying to keep that stiff upper lip while talking to everyone so no-one would really know. That road was terrifying. I’d be surprised if anyone had driven it in a car in years. The Jeep looks like about 20 kids have keyed it (to pinch someone else’s joke!)

I got the dogs out of the Jeep as the clutch smoke fumes were a bit overwhelming. I then tried to walk up this rock and tree strewn track and realised that we were literally less that 100ft from what I kept referring to as a “concrete” road!!!!!!!!

(Found out later that the “get out the car” was not for us but one of the Landy’s that had got caught in barbed wire on the track… so nothing to do with us, though don’t know how we missed it!)

The relief…. was short lived as I realised that there were 2 large, angry dogs up on the “concrete” road who wanted to eat my dogs… and me by the looks of things.

Thankfully the owner sussed there was something not right with me and had to drag her dogs by the scruff of the neck to get them in the house to reduce the barking. She took me into her garden and got me to sit down and breathe. I just left Craig to get out of the mess while I sat and shook.

I was livid that we had been told to go that way. We’d specifically said we wanted an easy route. It seems so completely irresponsible to send people down there on their own with no previous experience.

However, all that said. We did survive…. obviously…. and other than the clutch which was already on its last legs… the Jeep is not broken. We are just limping it about for the rest of our holiday. Not driving where ever possible so that it gets us home. To top it all off, Craig had so much fun, loved it but wasn’t keen to do that one again. Imagine if folk had been coming in the opposite direction?!?! There I go again…. 🤔😬😆

On this occasion I had a right to be nervous, even scared but no need for the total panic.

Just majorly out of my comfort zone I guess.

So after all that 4 of us decided to head via a supermarket and then back to camp. We were done for the day.

A completely different day for me and looking back I did really enjoy it. Just a complete overreaction really…. welcome to the world of an over anxious mind.

Stay safe everyone 🤯😆❤️

So we had the opposite problem last night…. or I did anyway, I was ROASTING in bed as we bought a 4.5 tog king size duvet and cheap cover yesterday… I spend half the night de-layering in my sleep. I woke at 3.42am and couldn’t get back to sleep until we realised our heads were ever so slightly lower than our feet so we had to burl round. That’s a great Scottish word, “burl”!! No mean feat with 3 dogs in the tent too!!

So back to sleep and up at 7 to walk the dogs then back into bed until 9.30am. I reckoned if I got up then I might be a little less grumpy if I stayed up at 7am!?! Hmmmmm not sure…. 🤔😬

Had veggie sausages on a roll for breakfast and a lovely coffee made by Craigie because he stayed up at 7am 🤔🥱

Then we jumped in Jeepey and headed down to Prestatyn beach 🏖 to talk the dogs for a big run. Honestly the minute we got out the Jeep the heavens opened!

And of course…. the rain stopped!!!!!

Back up to the campsite for lunch and had fish fajitas while the dogs conked out! Just how we like them… not a peep!

Then we all went into the tent to watch a movie as it was a bit overcast and threatening rain. I may… just may have fallen asleep for a weeeee bit of it, like most of it!

BBQ for dinner, huge steak for Craig and a veggie steak for me. I don’t know why I don’t fancy meat these days but looking forward to the veggie variety! The bbq is just heating up and it’s 7.50pm already. I don’t know where the day went though there is a chance I was sleeping for most of it.

It’s been a year and a half since we were away camping for any length of time and I’m not going to lie, it is messing with my head a bit. A place for everything and everything in its place is not possible with the scale that we are working with. I need to learn to chill and stop over stressing about muddy footprints everywhere and it being able to find things.

As Craig says camping like this shows us what we still need to improve on.

The best news ever though is that the wheelie bonus out back home thanks to Claire who is adulting enough today for both of us!!

Still not got around to sorting through the million pics from our overlanding day but I’ll get to it…. that holiday feeling… manyana… 😘😘

Stay safe everyone 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

What an amazing nights sleep!!!!! I was out for the count all night. One of those sleeps where nothing wakes you at all… not the cold, not the rain, not the dogs jumping around in the morning… nothing. Soooo good.

I know I haven’t written about yesterday but I’m going to do that separately as we did so much it would be a shame to miss it out.

Craig already bad breakfast and coffee ready… he’s a good lad.

We got everything all packed up in time to try and get a photo shoot with all the vehicles before everyone left. There were 18 in total! We only knew the Overland Bound guys but the rest seemed a good bunch too. From a COVID-19 perspective there is no shaking hands, no hugs for the guys we know which is all very strange. No sharing of food and just socially distanced fire pit at night.

We’ve had to take it easy today as Jeepey’s clutch isn’t the best. It was an advisory on the last MOT and after the drive we did yesterday over mountain and down dale Craig’s having to nurse it gingerly. 👩‍⚕️ haha a nurse came up on new predictive text thing! Had to use it.

We had fish fajitas for dinner tonight. Was lovely. Now sitting watching the sunset with a coffee. It’s a beautiful evening. A very quiet site.

Planning crochet 🧶 reading books 📖 and walking the dogs 🐕 and precious little else.

You don’t have to wear face masks 🎭 in shops in Wales but we have been anyway. Just to be on the safe side. The same hand sanitiser everywhere etc other than that we are out in the fresh air… just how we like it.

Stay safe everyone 🌄🌄🌄

Well that was a cold, cold, cold night! It was fureeeeezing! Even with 3 dogs to cuddle it was freezing. Didn’t sleep much, tossed and turned and fought with blankets… although I did have a revelation through the night when I wrapped myself in the blanket and then got in the sleeping bag. No more blanket sliding off every time I moved. Clever huh?!?

So I’m gonna be really honest here, we’ve had an amazing day and I have so much to talk about and so many photos but I’m sitting round a campfire enjoying the heat and feeling very rude for having to sit and write the blog.

The greenlaning ended with a drive on the craziest road we have ever been on and a huge puff of smoke from engine the bonnet….. Craig did so well while I had a meltdown and ran away up the track with the dogs!!!

Stay safe everyone 🔥🔥🔥

Yesterday blog was a bit of a reminisce so I didn’t tell you that we finally got the Jeep all fixed and ready for holidays by about 5.30pm last night! What a relief… we honestly thought that we weren’t going to get away.

So as you can imagine we were plunged into a “we’re not ready to go away” panic…. in my mind anyway. We went to the pub i stead. Alcohol free 🍓 and Lime Kopparberg for me. I love it!!

So I woke at 3.45am and was wide awake until at least 5.15am just kind of packing in my head! As you do…. when Craig woke at half 6 I was apparently snoring my head of… I say apparently well, because I’m a lady and we don’t snore…. 🤦🏻‍♀️

By the time we eventually got up and got moving and had a leisurely coffee it was probably after 9.

We had a productive morning getting everything ready and this time we’re really only bringing what we need. It was after 1pm before we finally got away.

We had to leave the house twice of course as we went home for our big camping table which was still lying in the office. 🤷🏻‍♀️ we took a wee drive round Beith to get back home.

So the biggest issue facing us was to try and pick up Calor gas ⛽️ on our way. We stopped at Morrison’s in Johnstone. The lady saw me and said over the tannoy there was no gas…… so I started phoning places all along the M8 and M74!!! When the lady at Hamilton Morrison’s answered the phone saying “yes they had some but you need to have an empty to swap”…. I shout “ooooooh I have an empty!” And she laughed. We were there within half and hour and I told her she’d saved the holiday!!!

So our estimated time of arrival is 8pm which means we’ll be pitching the tent in the dark but that’s ok. It’s pretty easy to pitch and we have gas if we want to make dinner 🥘

Of course since I’m in the car we know that we will be stopping a few more times as this old bladder ain’t what it used to be. Already had to stop once

At this point it only fair to mention that I spent a good bit of time hunting for the cause of a draft in the Jeep when we first set off…. only to realise it was the blowers…. obviously…. I knew that. 😬

So we’re now in Englandshire 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 well on our way to Welsh Wales 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿… must ask mum but I’m fairly certain that I have Gran to thank for this naming of countries 😆

We are hoping the weather gods are on our side this holiday as we’ve had a few howling gales on the last holiday we had. I’m actually reflecting on that holiday in June 2019… it was when we were up in the Outer Hebrides that I realised I couldn’t go back to work. We came home early and I was signed back off sick. I just need to rest.

The wind was incessant that holiday… we’ve hated it ever since.

I just missed the Welsh sign…. haha! Craig’s on to his mum and waving and I’m writing this… dammit never mind. So we’re in Wales 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 now. Only and hour and a half to go so I’ll sign off now, think of us lying on the ground trying to sleep tonight in a tent with 3 border collies 🐶🐶🐶. It’s gonna be fun!!

Stay safe everyone 🧡🧡🧡

So today marks the second anniversary of the start of my official mental health journey. As I’ve said before I can see now that I had been suffering for years but soldiering on through it all. Putting on that brave face. Smiling through it all while inside I was allowing everything to chip away at the little self confidence I had left.

There was a time I would say that I was bloody good at my job. As a people pleaser I knew who to get the best of out everyone and was a master of negotiating and influencing. I only wanted what was best for my customers but also what was best for the company I worked for. I was in my element on a customer visit to the factory, taking control of the situation and was so proud of everything that we achieved but secretly proud to be co-ordinating it all. My customers all knew me, I was considered the “expert” that they all needed to talk to. I was in my element for a while. People needed my advice and people listened. People came out of their way to come in to my office, shut the door and talk to me about their problems too.

Those that worked with me will have seen the growing instability for years. Gone was the golden girl who could do no wrong and was promoted without even an interview. Replaced by some defensive, angry but very sad, empty shell who couldn’t hold back the tears any longer.

I had started to mask my feelings by rewarding myself with a glass of wine in the evenings… nothing wrong with that but it became my crutch. Living next door to our lovely village pub meant that the weekend started on a Thursday night and rolled into a late Sunday night. Work had become a highly toxic environment for me as I realised I could not please everyone all of the time and gradually it felt like I couldn’t please anyone. I took every teeny, tiny piece of criticism to heart and it only endorsed my already shattered self confidence. I was not worthy.

On the morning of the 3rd September 2018 I drove into work a quivering wreck. Driving through tears, trying to shake them off and talk myself up in the car “you got this girl, you CAN do this”…. “it’s gonna be a good day”…… I got into the office and I don’t remember anything much other than quiet terror. Hiding away in my corner office hoping that no one would come near me, no one would speak to me or question me, just let me hide and get through the day.

Of course that could never happen and the tears just would not stop. My mind was flipping at the emails I was reading and I didn’t have the first clue where to start. There was nothing out of the ordinary in my inbox that day. It was my head that was no longer working.

My boss at that time was in Head Office for a meeting and I desperately waited for them to come back to talk… I needed to go home and get some sleep. By 10am I just couldn’t hold on and sometime late morning I made the bravest decision of my life and I picked up my stuff and walked out. I drove the hours drive through sobs and snot. With hindsight not the safest move I’ve ever made and I got my first appointment with a doctor to try to fix whatever was wrong with me.

I also signed up for counselling and Kinesiology which was a life saver but all at my own cost.

I have a lot of bad memories of those early days. I felt I was letting everyone down and I couldn’t explain what was wrong with me as I didn’t understand it myself. I had to plead with the doctor to give me some time off work. That did not come naturally to me at all as for years I’d been begging them not to sign me off. Now that I really needed it I actually had to ask for it. I had to fight to get appointments, fight to get sick lines, when I was at my lowest ebb and had to pull up my britches and fight for what I thought was right. The only time I could relax was when I was with the counsellor or Health Kinesiologist and they seemed to understand me.

It was just so so very hard.

My sick line said “anxiety”…. what did that even mean. That old saying “auch she’s awfy bad wi her nerves that one”….

I did got back to work for 5 months from Dec 2018 to early June 2019 but I was a shadow of my formal self…. ready to crack at any moment.

So back off sick again…

I honestly wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. I felt such a huge burden to everyone that I felt it would be better for them all if I wasn’t around. The smiley, happy, chatty, friendly girl had been buried alive. Under a pile of anxiety.

As I’ve said I had to source all my own counselling, my own support, the one referral that I did get wasn’t joined up with what I was told it would be. The guy actually kept looking at his watch while I told him my worst. “Don’t know why they thought we could help with blah, blah,blah as they know we don’t do that…….” magic, thanks for nothing.

All this money spent on mental health these days and I never saw any of it working for me. My work very kindly helped out with Cognitive Behaviour Therapy for a good while towards the end of 2019 though which was a great help.

Finally after moving to a new doctor surgery I found a doctor who seemed to realise just how bad I was feeling in November of 2019. She changed my meds and gave me the first appointment on 27th December so that I had something to “look forward to” over Christmas. She could see how much I was dreading the “party” season and everyone being happy. She helped me start on the road to recovery.

The girl who worked those crazy hours and gave her all to everyone else just wasn’t who I needed to be. I needed to be me. I needed to care for me and I needed to love me.

And I do now. It’s taken me 2 years to be able to admit that to myself.

I still feel I have a bit to go on building my confidence back up but true healing comes from vulnerability and if this peeled onion Julie 🧅 isn’t vulnerable then I don’t know what is…. (that was just an excuse to use the onion emoji!)

I want to thank each and every one of you for helping support my journey. I’ve had the most amazing support and have had to rely on some people more than I ever thought possible.

I promise that I will pay this back.

I thanked my counsellors and I thank Shelagh, the lovely Kinesiologist, all the time but I have never written to thank that doctor and do you know what… I’m gonna do that right now. Tell her that she listened at a time when I needed it the most. Maybe she needs to know that she made a difference.

Onwards and upwards.

Stay safe everyone 🧡🧡🧡

I had the most amazing sleep last night. I think I deserved it after surviving everything yesterday threw at me! I am also grateful that Craig showed me how to get some predictive thing up on the screen so I even get predictive emojis to choose from! 😊

Ok for those of you who have had this for years then we’ll done you but for me this is a whole new 🌍

Volunteering today but Craig phones to say the Jeep needs a fan belt and a fan belt tensioner so I spent the morning trying to source the Jeep parts and explaining why I randomly didn’t turn up at peoples house last week! (If you remember they thought I was on holiday so the guys took my deliveries before I got there!)

One lady asked for my number so her niece could get in touch with me about crochet. I do hope she wants to learn how to do a granny square as that’s all that I can do!

Still no luck with the Jeep parts… 🤯

One man leaves his gates open if he goes out for a wee walk in the mornings. He takes the car then walks from the car. It was pouring with rain today and his gates were open so I drove past twice but his gates were still open so he was still out. Come back to this later…..

The next lovely lady was worried something had happened to me!!! She was worried there was something wrong with the dogs or that she had said something to upset me… awww isn’t that dreadful. So they all know that I am on holiday next week and won’t be delivering.

This is where it all goes even more pear shaped……. as I jump back in Abbie I realise that there’s a letter for this lady that I forgot to give her. Jump out the van, run to her door in the rain. Shove the letter in the letterbox and run back to the van as I hear a click. The van has locked. The keys are inside the van…. the van had locked. Who even knew that was a thing?!? In all my years I have never locked my keys in the car. I didn’t think for one second the car would lock with the keys in it?!? But it did….. I’m outside in the rain with a T-shirt on and thankfully my phone!! 📱

So I have to go into her house to keep dry and stand just in the front of the living room. I phone Holly from next door who is out.. I phone Eddie from the Beith Trust who is in Dalry but he’s on his way back so he comes to get me and bring me back up to the house for the spare key… of course I don’t have the house keys so I popped into Claire’s to wait for Holly coming home! Holly is the keeper of the spare key!!! 🔑

Very randomly this morning I made a huge thing of locking and checking all the doors (maybe because I keep locking the dogs out….) but any other day I’d be able to get in. Safety first today just so that could inconvenience everyone else including myself….. happy days!

Holly then arrives with the key and drives me back down into Beith so I can continue my deliveries. 🚚 📦

By this time I finally finish and get back to Geilsland it’s after 2pm. I put everything away including the food for the lovely man who was out…. by the time I got up to the office I found out he wasn’t out and wandering where I was and couldn’t understand why his gates were open!!! So in future that can’t ever be a sign that he’s out… poor thing wondering where I was and I was just driving past…… so finally home by 2.30pm…… shattered! Holly has left me a bottle of Nosecco and a bag and bar of chocolate!!! 🍫 🍾🥂 so very lovely! I messaged her to say she’s the only person ever that does ME a huge favour and then gives ME a gift!!!

Still waiting to find out when the Jeep will be ready but I got into bed 🛌 just before 5 and I plan to stay here until crochet 🧶 at 7pm!

I am soooo tired with all the mental stimulation that the last few days has brought. I am still smiling and getting through it all which is something to be proud of.

Stay safe everyone 🔑🔑🔑