There’s been a lot of huffing, puffing and sighing today. I am tired but also in one of those really lethargic slumps.

Ever have one of those days? Everything is too much trouble. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

In all honesty, despite that, it’s been a good day. It was quiet in the office as it felt like everyone was on holiday apart from me (not entirely true!) yet I was very busy and got lots done.

I didn’t sleep well last night. I get like I was switched on all night.

My heart rate was above resting heart rate for most of the night. I felt every beat… ok so not quite, drama Queen… 😆

Our road is closed this week which means I needed to detour on the way home… and despite my lethargy I actually remembered! There are cars doing 3 point turns all over the place though as people try to get through them.

I’ve just watched two cars fly past the window which is ridiculous seeing as the closure isn’t far from the house… someone had opened the road?!? People just don’t follow any rules these days!!!

Anyway…. the Farm was great today though I really struggled to move my legs! When I left I caught these lovely daffies…

This is where we work out….

The sunrise was stunning this morning.

So I’ve been thinking about our lovely neighbours travelling through America to Australia, all day. I’m so envious but not in a bad way… I wish them an amazing journey.

It reminds me so much of my solo journey to Australia, New Zealand and Thailand in 2004-2005. It was the journey of a lifetime. At times I still can’t believe I did it. I was scared of my own shadow for most of my life yet a burning desire to travel consumed me in late 2003.

Great Uncle Ernie emigrated to Australia 🇦🇺 when he was 19 so we’ve always had a family connection and I’ve always had a fascination with the country. Gran and Grandpa went out, Mum and Dad went and then my brother went on a gap year. I was the only one that hadn’t been.

My previous marriage ended in September of 2002 and the Scottish electronics industry was in turmoil. I had lost 2 jobs already with the transfer of production from Scotland to either the Far East or the Czech Republic.

I was lucky enough to earn a years salary by the time of my third redundancy package. However, I couldn’t face trying to “sell myself” again. Pending divorce and losing 3 jobs left me feeling pretty despondent.

I was desperate to travel. I spoke to everyone I could think of but everyone had commitments that meant they couldn’t come with me. I had just bought my own flat which meant I had commitments that I couldn’t just run away from.

Yet I couldn’t put the idea out of my mind.

So…. On 24th January 2004 I flew out of Edinburgh Airport.. on my own… bound for Melbourne via Singapore. All by myself and I have never been more excited and more terrified in my life. My flat was let out for 6 months and yet I was certain I would only last 2 weeks.

In the early days of mobile phones, my dad and my brother actually navigated me around the airport in Singapore. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

I remember thinking I could actually manage that part myself but I know they were worried about me.

I went to stay with Great Uncle Ernie and Auntie Margot and they were the most amazing hosts and made me feel so very welcome.

I also spent a lot of time with my mums cousins Steve and Callum and in particular, Steve’s wife Linda. Looking back I lived with them all on and off for about 4 months. They were so accommodating and welcoming. They made it easy to be away from home on my own.

I worked for 3 the mobile phone company in Melbourne for 3 months and saved some more money before I started my tour.

I travelled from Melbourne in June 2004 through the Great Ocean Road to Adelaide. I visited Kangaroo Island before heading up through the centre of Australia on a Groovy Grape backpackers tour. We took in Coober Pedy, Uluru, Alice Springs, Katherine Gorge, Kakadu National Park and on to Darwin.

Then flew from Darwin to Cairns and travelled as much of the east coast as I could. The longest trip was a 12 hour bus journey from Brisbane to Newcastle, north of Sydney… by the time I got there my ankles were as big as my knees!!

I headed back to Melbourne then flew from Melbourne to Perth and toured around some of Western Australia. I worked as an Outback Barmaid in a place called Dowerin for a month before heading back to Melbourne for Christmas. That was an experience and a half.

I have so many photos of my trip that I really must get them off the computer and onto my phone…

Anyway, I’ve been reminiscing a lot. It was a very special time for me. I stepped massively out of my comfort zone. I did things I could never have even imagined. Sea kayaking with dolphins, whale watching, sand dune sledging (😳😬🤣) sleeping in a swag, driving a 4×4 across the beaches on a Fraser Island….. to name a few.

Yet I came back to hit the rat race because I felt I should….

I’m rambling big time now… but I’m smiling at the memories.

To be continued one day…

Stay safe everyone 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿♥️🇦🇺

I’m tired today but I guess that’s hardly surprising. It’s been sunny but pretty cold outside so I decided to sand down the kitchen worktops as I need to get the kitchen finished and it’s driving me mad.

There’s the trigger though…. I “need” to get the kitchen finished, I don’t particularly want to.

I’m at it by 9am. Don’t do anything by halves me.

Within about five minutes, my whole body is vibrating. Don’t you just love a job that you start and wish you’d never bothered.

It is in pretty bad nick so it takes a bit of work.

After about 3 hours it’s all sanded down and ready for the oil. I had to charge the sander battery 3 times during the job so to be fair, the actual sanding maybe didn’t take quite as long.

The oiling was fun. It was really quick and gave instant results.

Not sure the photos really do it much justice.

Really should have moved that orange cloth!!

So despite not really enjoying it, I am really chuffed with the outcome. It definitely needs another few coats so I’ll do one later on.

This is another one of these situations where I need to make myself be damn proud of what I’ve done. Read that sentence again… need to make myself… 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

It’s been a productive Sunday morning. ♥️

Of course I had to go for a nap afterwards!! I was so cold and tired but I didn’t really sleep. It was still nice to have a rest.

I’ve started watching Downton Abbey… it still makes me laugh as I used to think I hated period dramas… I’m incredulous at the life people lived and not even that long ago…. Ironing the newspapers?!? And I think I have a hard life… eh naw!!!

So this afternoon we went to the pub next door for Caitlin and Scott’s leaving party. Caitlin lives two doors down. The daughter of Rachel two doors down 😬😘

They are heading off to Australia tomorrow morning to start a new football coaching job in Ballarat, Victoria, Australia.

We’ve known Caitlin since we moved here 6.5 years ago and she is such a lovely girl. She always has a smile for everyone. I really miss her when she’s not here.

She’s not been here a lot! She’s been out coaching football in the States on and off for years. I hardly see her when she’s home but when I do it’s always really nice to see her.

I’m so proud of her for following her dream and doing what she wants to do in life. She knows what she wants and she goes for it. I’m very envious as I wish I’d had carried on travelling when I was younger. She’s seeing so much of the world and experiencing things that so many people do not. I always say that travelling to Australia and New Zealand in 2004/5 is one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I came back and jumped back into the rat race because I thought I should.

They stood while Holly, who owns the pub, read out a fab poem she’d written for them and there were hundreds of photos taken.

I really have to rethink the horizontal stripe. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

We both felt really privileged to have been invited to share their last night with their family….. not last night ever…. At least for a good while.

Caitlin and Scott ♥️ you both have so many beautiful chapters left to write and we both wish you the most amazing journey. 🇦🇺⚽️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

Stay safe everyone 🇦🇺♥️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

What a day. It’s 15.30 and I haven’t sat down but I’ve had a lovely day so far.

I had no real plans for the day today but knew I had to carry on the housework as Mum, Dad, Mawlaw and Pawlaw are coming for dinner in the pub next door. This is Mothers Day lunch #3 where finally no-one has COVID-19!

I woke at 6.18 precisely and got up and dressed around 7.30 and got the kitchen into shape which was the only room that needed doing as I was so well organised last night.

We both had money to pay into a bank so I decided I’d head to Largs after I got my nails done. There are other towns with banks closer by but you know…. Needs must when it comes to Largs.

My toes are a lovely dark lilac with a gold shimmer. Not my usual AT ALL but I really like it for a change. I’ll spare you the feet pics!

So off to Largs I go.

The tide is quite far out.

Bank of Scotland then Royal Bank of Scotland and then Indigo Eats to a lovely late breakfast. All by myself.

It’s a lovely wee cafe right on the front.

When I walked in the girl looked at me and I asked for a table… she seemed surprised…. “Oh just you is it….” 😳 now that could be enough to send a solo diner over the edge but I beamed at her “yes just me!” And I thought to myself, I’m gonna enjoy every minute of it.

I had pancakes with berry compote, maple syrup and a Soya Milk Latte…. Forgot to ask for decaf 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

Beautiful.

Back to the van and a quick drive down through Largs and Fairlie to West Kilbride and to Portencross Beach. It was so lovely I needed to see the sea.

These two wee seagull guys were there most of the time!!

There’s snow on the hills on Arran. I saw it while driving to Largs and that what made me think of Portencross to see it more closely.

Loved this reflection in a deep rock pool.

The water’s so crystal clear.

When I got home I took the dogs out to this field with a bath in it 🤣🤣 they had a good run with tennis balls.

Mawlaw asked if they could stay over…… 😱

Yes sure, the bedroom’s a big of a camping dumping ground…. Ta dah!

We all went out to dinner to the Gateside Inn. I got Cookie cuddles.

We had a lovely meal and I actually passed on dessert…. Check me! I had nachos to start and Cajun chicken salad for mains.

Got a more up to date Mother’s Day selfie with mum!!

We’ve had a lovely meal. I’m shattered now, trying to rush this out. 😬

Going to go and chill now, before I fall asleep…

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Another busy day today… I woke at 5.08am and couldn’t get back to sleep. I was calm though and wasn’t worrying about anything. That’s a first eh?!

It’s freezing today. The rain has finally stopped and there was a lovely sunrise until I drove 5 minutes up the road towards work.

It disappeared really quickly.

I was so pleased to see my little furry friend, Peanut, at work again today…. I have many photos….. 😁

He was much less wary today.

He came to sit under my desk at my feet first thing…. My heart melted a wee bit.

That underbite and those bottom teeth 😬♥️

We had another wee walk at lunchtime too.

The day went fast at work. I got loads done and once again I felt very calm and in control. Must be my new wee office companion. 🐶♥️

I came home and did housework which is unheard of for me on a Thursday night. I’ve got so much more energy this week. I sat down for a late dinner but it felt good to get most of the housework blitzed.

I’m very late posting the blog tonight as I had the Memorial Hall Committee meeting tonight. It was a good meeting and we talked about lots of future events. I usually can’t wait for these things to be over if I’m honest but tonight I was fine.

It’s 9pm and I’m tired now but I’m happy. I’m still smiling. I don’t have to get up at 5am tomorrow as I’m resting in time for the Fit Body Farm Hyrox event on Saturday. I’ve got my starting time now so will be very glad when it’s all over.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

This is Peanut… ♥️ he’s been The Tartan mascot for the day and has been at work with his dad but looked after by his newly found Auntie Julie. 💙

Honestly he is the sweetest little Peanut you could ever imagine.

I had to apologise for using my doggy voice all day. 😬

There has not been a peep out of him. He’s the most timid, shy wee thing.

I had big chats with him today, trying to get him out of his shell but his dad says he’s Romanian so he doesn’t speak English… well that was a waste of time then 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

This next pic is when I first met him and he was trying to understand me. 😆

“Nope…. Not getting you at all missus” he says…. 🤣🤣

He had lunch in the customer lounge and a wee rest up the couch.

It’s a hard life being the Tartan dog for the day. So much fussing.

It was so lovely to have him in. He never got in the way just sat or lay quietly all day. I took him to the wee takeaway sandwich shop at lunchtime and he had big zoomies on his extendable lead on the grass… loadsa fun!

Anyway, that was today’s excitement and the good news is he might be back tomorrow! Here’s hoping!

I had a great sleep last night and the Fit Body Farm was great again this morning. I felt amazing walking in as it was still dark but the birds were chirping so loudly, it’s lovely to hear. It felt like a good day to be alive. Check she who is having a good week!

I’m enjoying the workouts. They are hard but I’m enjoying trying to push myself even more. I’m boyed up by the words of encouragement I’m given.

I’ve just remembered that I was so knackered after todays’ workout that I went through to the shower rooms and I usually dump some stuff outside the door to save taking it all in. I actually undressed OUTSIDE the shower room.

What on earth was I thinking???? Thankfully there’s no one around, hence the reason I forget I’m not in the room, I guess…. But literally a few minutes after I realise and rush into the shower….. I hear our Coach come whistling through the back of the gym… Oh my actual god. How lucky was I? Can you imagine?!?!?!?!?

It made me chuckle as even when I feel good and think I have it under control, we can all make some stupid mistakes. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣 moving on….

I am very busy at work but I’m in control. I’m not losing the plot, I know what I’m doing and I’m getting through it. I’m way calmer. I’d go so far as to say I feel very quiet inside if that makes any sense at all?

I could just sit here and breathe and I’m in my element.

I’m doing things after work rather than being so zonked I just need to sleep… and I’m sleeping a very deep sleep at nights.

What could possibly go wrong?!?

I do feel stronger, both physically and mentally.

I’m off to meet the Crochet Hookers in an hour and I may actually crochet a granny square for the first time in 3 weeks… looking forward to some good chat and chuckles 🤭

Stay safe everyone 🧶🧶🧶

I’m late today. I’ve been a busy bee all day.

I was in work early for a customer visit today and haven’t stopped all day. It’s all good. I feel under control. I’m scared to admit that because when I do things seem to go wrong. It’s nice to have a good few days.

I felt a bit anxious this morning but I was very aware of it and managed to shift it.

It has not stopped raining all day! Torrential rain, stotting down all day… hammering on the roof of our portacabin at Tartan HQ. I

When I got home I put a washing on and then went upstairs to work on the Village hall year end accounts. I spent a couple of hours finalising everything and got them submitted to our accountant.

I am pretty chuffed with that since it’s only 5th April. Last year I didn’t submit them until December….. this is how it should be! all is well with the world!

So it’s 8pm before I sat down to write the blog….

I’m listening to another good Happy Place podcast with Fearne Cotton interviewing Dr Rongan Chatterjee.

It’s such a good one, I highly recommend a listen.

He talks about how we should show compassion for others. If we disagree with someone or someone wrongs us, we should try to understand the position the other person is coming from. Understand why they think like they think, or why they have acted as they have.

I am very good at this I think! If I get angry at something I try to understand why. It belittles my anger quickly.

Now we can’t always be saints and there will be odd thing that sends us into orbit but for the most part this is how I’d like to live my life. Compassion for others.

Also to understand that we are the subject of our past, our generations and subsequently how we have been brought up. Rongan said his parents always expected more of him in exam results, if he got 90% they asked why not 91%?

This made him grow up thinking he was never good enough and had to perfect to gain their approval. Difficult to live up to.

He has recently discussed this with his mum…. Fearne cringed at that!

His parents came to the UK in 1962 when the UK asked for Indian doctors to support the workload here. His father worked a day job and another night job for 30 years. THIRTY YEARS with virtually no sleep, how is that even possible?

His mum said that they believed success was the most important factor in life and would ultimately bring them happiness.

However… she never saw her husband. The children never saw their dad but he was very successful and provided for them and gave them a better life than they may have had in India. His parents only wanted Rongan to succeed and be successful in life so pushed him to excel. With only the very best of intentions.

The two separate perspectives make complete sense when you actually take time to think about them.

Powerful. Rongan does his own podcast too so I might give that a listen again.

Love this next one… this is sooo me now!

Also this…. I’ve made so many internet friendships in the last few years. So many people that have played a huge part in my recovery… and I have never met them.

We have connected because of our personalities and that’s very important to me. ♥️

It’s still raining….. ☔️☔️☔️

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I can’t believe that with all the COVID-19 drama over the last few weeks that I have missed the chance to celebrate my two year blogging anniversary!

We could say it’s my Blogiversary!! Yeah ok… no… just no… 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

I never for one minute believed I would still be here, writing every day, give or take, for two years. What started as an exciting experiment has become a huge part of my life… an integral part of my healing journey.

By the time I started we were 8 days into Lockdown in Scotland in 2020. I had just been made redundant 3 weeks before all the craziness began and instead of worrying about where the next job would come from, we were all in the same boat, worrying about some random deadly virus that had taken hold of our world.

I had been home sick for a year on and off before then…. Suffering from anxiety and depression. Yet the rest of the world joined me in my new stay at home lifestyle.

In a way, lockdown was very good for me. As awful as it was for so many other people, I needed that extra time to recover. I had peeled back all my layers like a bad onion. (Not sure that’s the analogy I was reaching for?!)

I was a shadow of my former self… and yet… I was closer to the real me than I had been in a very long time.

I had become what everyone wanted me to be or what I thought they expected me to be. I had so many different masks that I wore so that I could hide what was breaking inside of me. I was set on self destruction but I didn’t even know it. I didn’t know how to be.

I put everyone first. Everyone was more important than me. I said yes to everyone. Didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I set about making everyone’s day better, to the detriment to my own.

Gradually I broke up. Fell apart. Couldn’t keep up the charade anymore. The effort it took to be everything to everyone was finally overwhelming. The tears brimmed almost all the time as more often than not, began to fall in the most awkward of moments.

I couldn’t do it anymore.

As lockdown started I should have been getting ready to head back into the world so I made a huge decision to volunteer with food deliveries to the local elderly. Even that was difficult for me.

In retrospect… I have been so lucky to have had the chance to build myself back up gradually. Through this blog I’ve been able to understand my thoughts, feelings and emotions through every step of the last two years.

I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to become so aware of the world around me. To have become aware of nature. Of calm and of stillness. I am able to sit in silence and be completely content with that.

I am aware of energy around me. My gut is NEVER wrong. I am empathetic of others and rather than get angry when someone upsets me or wrongs me, I try to think about why they may be as they are.

Most of all I love sharing my photos with you all. I love sharing the beauty that I see and I hope that one day I’m able to travel and show you more.

I should say today has been another good day and long may that continue.

So thank you to everyone who reads my blog. I do this for me but you all make it so much more worthwhile. It’s important to talk about mental health. If my blog helps at least one other person realise that it’s ok to not be ok, then it’s worth every hour spent on it.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Oor Craigie is finally COVID free! He tested negative for a second time so is good to go. Of course that doesn’t mean he’s immediately better, he’s been more breathless today.

I’m finally feeling better, like the cold has finally gone… as I type that, I cough! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣 but I do feel a lot less bunged up.

I’ve had another productive day today. I had some anxiety about work again when I woke up but it went quickly when I got moving.

I sat outside this morning and Brasso’d all the kitchen cupboard and drawer handles. I love that I made that into a verb! Brasso’d!

Now I should say here that it was nowhere near as much fun as I expected it to be. It would appear that Brasso is great for polishing and not for removing years of built up dirt and lacquer.

I get very frustrated at that as I need it to be immediate. I want to to put all the handles back on right now… I don’t want to find other ways of cleaning them. I want the Brasso to work. Now. (Story of my life this eh?!)

So I turn a blind eye to them and get them fitted back on. They do look a damn sight better than they did. My hands are like sand paper today despite wearing rubber gloves.

The kitchen is still not finished but it’s so much better than it was. Another day or work or so but that can wait.

I had a shower and ended up cleaning the bathroom, as you do.

I then went down to the Co-op to get some food for the week. Check me.

I’m watching the new series of Bridgerton as I write this. For someone who doesn’t like period drama, I sure do love Bridgerton.

So this weekend has been really good. I’ve not wanted to go out at all and have been happy staying at home and getting things done. It hasn’t really felt like a chore…. Except for the Brasso obviously!

I haven’t felt anxious like I usually do at weekends, trying to fill my days with a huge list of tasks. I’ve taken each moment at a time and it feels like it’s been a really long weekend. In a good way. I feel refreshed and relaxed.

My diet is still lazy and pretty shocking but I’ve done 3 food shops in the last few days and it’s not been the end of the world…. I have survived. 😆

Who knows… maybe this week I might actually cook some of it…. Maybe.

This is our Sunday almost evening reminder that we can handle everything this week throws at us. I hope for a lot more calm as I love feeling like this and long may it continue.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Let’s not speak too soon but I think I might be finally finished painting the kitchen cupboards.

It’s like painting the Forth Rail Bridge… it just seems to go for ever and you no sooner finish one end than you have to start again at the other end.

No seriously, I think the cupboards are all done. There are no photos as the place is still a mess and we need to sand the wooden surfaces and put all the handles back on the doors and drawers. Hopefully though, the most difficult part is done.

I have my feet up outside on my new bench…. Don’t think I took any photos when we got it.

Phew that took a bit of orchestrating but it was worth it! I’m holding a giant bone to get them to sit like this 🤣

I managed to break the old bench last week when I was working from home…. A slat broke underneath me 🤦🏻‍♀️

So this one is highly recommended. It came from Robert Dyas on line and was only £147 delivered. It’s pretty chunky so I’m really impressed with it.

I’m sitting on it now in the sunshine and I’ve just spent the last 5 minutes trying to get a photo of a bee 🐝 on the plant next to me.

I managed to get it hovering above the flower. My mum will laugh at this as I’ve always been terrified of bees and wasps since I was stung around the age of 4. Just the sound of a buzz was enough to send me running. Oh how things have changed.

The weather has been a game of two halves today. When the sun is out it almost feels hot. The minute it goes behind a cloud…. Freezing!

Every now and then I have to share my bench!

And she is very, very hairy right now. We’re back to moulting season again.

So I had two dog walks this morning… started off sunny and ended up freezing!

Lovely sunshine like yesterday!

Out with Calaidh and Bhruic as Freya has a sore leg and needs to rest. She’s limping quite badly and has been for a few days now.

They had lots of fun in the burn again.

Keek!

Then the clouds started to move in.

This next photo is taken in the same place as the first sunny photo. What a difference our weather makes.

I got home and took Freya out for a short walk on the lead. These daffies looked lovely.

Come on mum we can walk faster than this she says….

It’s no fun when I can’t get a run off the lead…

So the rest of the day has been spent painting. I am now covered in paint and dog hair. Attractive much.

So in other good news Mr A tested negative today! He told me it was positive first thing and then checked again a while later and it was actually negative. So finally things will return to normal.

In other good news this is the first weekend in a long time that I feel calm. I don’t feel anxious at all.

I did wake up worrying about work but that passed when I got up.

I’ve put no expectations on myself this weekend. Anything I did that wasn’t nothing was a bonus. Finishing the kitchen was a huge bonus!!

So another quiet night for us. Last night in covid jail for oor Craigie but to be fair it’s always a quiet night these days.

Just how I like it!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

This is another one of those days you don’t need to read the blog as it’s all in the title. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

It’s another freezing cold day and I slept like a log last night. When the alarm went off I got a fright and I was not ready to get up at all…. I could do easily have turned over…. But I didn’t. I got up, the house was freezing but nothing prepared me for the icy blast outside. Wow.

We actually exercised out in that! I lay down on the frosty astroturf at 6.10am this morning when most folk were still in bed. The funny thing is I felt very lucky to be a part of it this morning rather than annoyed I was having to.

As the sun rose it really was beautiful.

So many power lines in my photos… 🤦🏻‍♀️

We get to workout in the loveliest of surroundings and before we even have time to think about it. I worked hard this morning, got some great feedback too.

We have another Hyrox event next weekend so hope I have done enough to improve my times.

So back home and straight out with the dogs…. Some really strange clouds over the village hall!

More importantly I have forgotten to discuss this during my rambling….. what the actual is this all about?!?

It would appear we are now living in an Avian Influenza Protection Zone. 😳

I MEAN… WHAT NEXT?

Zombie apocalypse? Alien invasion?

I guess I should be grateful we are in the zone and not outside it… I mean those poor people who live outside the red road sign I’ve been driving past every night… are they not protected?!?!? Do they even need protecting?! Are they actually the lucky ones???

Anyway, back to the glorious dog walk in the freezing sun.

The sky is beautiful 🤩

I’ve had lots of lovely comments on my daffodil photos so I’ve taken lots this morning just to show how abundant they are.

They are all growing wild but must have been planted by someone at some point.

These ones all look a bit sad as they’ve been caught by the frost.

More power lines in this next one too….

We went into a field that had been muck sprayed the other day but it’s all frozen in. Frozen muck = no muck!! Spot the two white tails in the water.

The dogs had a great play about in the burn.

It’s so still.

Love the rainbow on this next one.

Heading back home now under said power lines 😆

Lots of white daffies here.

Bearing in mind it’s now only 8.45am 🤣🤣

I have a massage booked for 10am at Harmony in Beith. I popped into next door to check on their beautiful puss cats as they are getting some work done and the cats were feeling a bit unsettled. Just look at these handsome boys.

I love that they both looked away for this photo…. Shun the photographer!!

I got the wee one actually eating out of my hand!

So my massage was amazing. Back, neck and shoulders…. Bliss. I could have slept on the treatment bed! Norma worked wonders! I then popped into the little gift shop for a chat with my friend Gayle. Was lovely to see her too!

Covid boy had sent me a shopping list so off to the Co-op to stock up and finally back home. He’s still positive and feeling rotten.

Then….. poop scoop in the garden and hoovered the ground floor of the house. And then finally sat down. It’s 2pm! We sat outside at the fire pit for a bit but it got cold again so came in to watch a movie….. AND fell asleep on the couch for 2 hours!!!

Check this size of this fire!

So I’m still feeling pretty rotten too. The cold is just not shifting but I’m still working out at the gym because I want to help improve my mood. Without it I’d just be sleeping and eating. 😬

Hope you all have a great weekend and Covid boy is hoping for a negative soon. 🎞

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

It is freezing today!!! Absolutely freezing.

There was snow on the roof last night.

I didn’t expect to see more snow overnight.

It wasn’t much but considering we were in shorts the other day… this feels so cold. The next photo is from inside Abbie the Campervan.

The sunrise was promising.

But the daffodils were really sad today…. They were so cold, the frost had got to them.

To be honest I have felt a little bit like these daffodils today.

I am so tired but we have been super busy again at work. It was a good day but I felt really rushed and I’ve walked out tonight for the weekend thinking I need to work tomorrow… but I can’t.

I just have to remember everything I still have to do, when I get in on Monday. My anxious brain doesn’t like that at all…. I need to leave with everything under control. I didn’t feel like I did that tonight.

Covid boy is still not feeling great but sat outside today with a campfire. At times today it was so warm and then at other it was either hailstones or snowing!

I’m going to have an early night again tonight. What’s new eh? Covid has really word us out but everyone I speak to says they same thing.

Sorry it’s a quickie tonight…. 😘🥰

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

It was sooooo cold today. As we’ve become so used to the sun we take it ill out when it gets cold again.

It was a cold and frosty morning on the way to the Farm at 5.30am.

It was another great workout today. I managed it all which still surprises me as I do feel quite rotten with the cold. It’s all in my head and not into my chest which is good. I guess although I’m COVID negative, I still have the remnants of the virus. A lot of people have said they struggled with fatigue afterwards.

Cool sky when I left and the daffodils on the drive way are in full bloom.

I can’t believe that in between some sunny spells we have actually had snow flurries today. It’s snowing now at 8pm. It’s not lying…

I was soooooooooooooo busy at work today. I never got a minute. We had customers in all day and I worked till 5.

This is me outside in a snow flurry! Just to prove it. Yesterday I sat out on a deckchair to eat lunch and today…. Baltic!!

I’m honestly shattered tonight. I feel really wiped out.

I’ve had to skip the fun chat with the Crochet Hookers tonight as I don’t feel I should be mixing with too many people while Craig is still COVID positive.

I’m in my jammies on the couch with a huge fire going to keep us warm. I won’t be late in bed.

A few of us were saying today that we could with another lockdown… we’re struggling to live life at the pace it seems to be at just now.

Maybe we all got used to it being slower and now it’s picking up the pace as we get closer to reality.

So here’s a big hug to everyone who’s struggling with with something just now. Life can be hard at times and we get hit from left field when we least expect it.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

So I have very little to report today. I’ve been at work all day and have felt pretty rotten, it’s like the cold has come back.

I’ve had two lemsips through the day to try and help clear my blocked nose. They do help and make me feel a bit better.

I woke at 3am and felt like my heart was beating out my chest…. May have consumed some caffeine before I went to bed uh oh…. I had a can of alcohol free rum and Coke. It was really nice…. Note to self… you were totally right when you knew you shouldn’t have caffeine in the evening. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

I lay awake for about an hour and then fell into a deep sleep despite Mr Snorey McCovidson next to me. Jeezo man…. He said this morning he got a good sleep because I didn’t snore. Oh good that’s alright then. 😳

So work was busy and I feel like I didn’t get a minute to regroup. I left with a big list of things still to do but I’ll get on it first thing.

So I was late leaving and when I got home I had to take the dogs out. I couldn’t cope with all 3 at once so did Calaidh and Freya first. Here are some photos!

It’s only 5.30pm and the sky is really dark. We’ve had nothing but blue sky now for weeks….

I then went home to pick up Bhru… I’m so tired but I can’t leave her out.

We walked into the woods with the old limekilns.

She heard a noise…. Did not spook me at all… nope…. 😳😱

I had one step to go to get in the front door and a huge rain drop hit me! It’s much cooler tonight. It was chilly on our walk.

I’m home now. It’s raining for the first time in weeks.

Craig had made a lovely pesto pasta while I was out. I have my feet up now and I’m not moving!

He’s feeling pretty rotten, has a bad cold and is breathless but he says he’ll live.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

On the 28th March 2010 I married my soulmate.

We reckon that within a week we knew that we were meant to be together. Check how young he looks!!

Despite all the difficulties that marriage throws you, we know we are meant to be together and we’ve survived this long without burying each other under the patio, so I think we will last.

You all know he’s a good ‘un….. he’s the most generous and kind hearted person and he’ll do anything for anyone.

He bought me this lovely silk bracelet with 2010 on the heart and a J & a C.

For the first time I’ve thought my skin looks really old…. 😱 oh well….

About 11am today he’s about to go out to a job when he realises he hasn’t checked his lateral flow test. Just as well he did as it’s POSITIVE!!

To be fair he’s been loaded with the cold for a few days now so it makes complete sense that he has it… just 3 days after I lose it!

It’s so much easier this time as I am apparently immune so he doesn’t have to distance from me. I’ll just have to be careful not to pass anything when I’m out.

Sunrise was beautiful at the Fit Body Farm this morning.

I am back.

It actually went surprisingly well. I managed more than I thought I would. Only had to take a minute’s breather during one of the exercises and other than that I was ok. Coach said I did good today. Teachers pet was very proud of that.

We actually did bleep tests today. The last time we did that I got to level 2.5 and this morning got up to level 4.8. I’m pretty proud of that. I am not a runner!

It was freezing at work this morning. I took a while to heat up and as soon as I was warm…. It was roasting. Another beautiful day but spent most of it in a portacabin instead of my outdoor office!

My concentration and focus was good. My anxiety was under control.

I have to say that today has been a pretty good day.

This time 12 years ago we were just about to start our first waltz… Michael Bublé’s Everything Click the link for a listen.

We danced and sang this to each other. Ahhh young love. 👰🏻‍♀️🤵🏻💍

We had no idea of the trials and tribulations we would face along the way. We’ve done what we said we would do… for better or worse and we’ve fought through the worst. We can drive each other completely insane and round the bend. But we knew then. And we know now. And we still do.

We even got each other the same card!

We’re sitting outside and starting to get eaten alive by midges…. So we’re heading in now.

Stay safe everyone ♥️💍♥️

Ooooh I’ve had the laziest day today.

So yeah today is Mothers Day or Mothering Sunday in the UK. Mum and Dad were meant to be coming over for lunch in the village pub but my COVID week put paid to that. Holly is running a lovely 3 course spread with a glass of fizz for £17.95 I think and it will be enough food to feed us until next year.

We cancelled our 2pm table as we didn’t know when I’d be COVID free but Craig and I are going to go in for 4.30pm and have an early dinner tonight. She said she still had some space.

I didn’t even send her card as it seemed unfair to send a potential COVID card through the post. I may have overthought that… We’ll catch up next weekend instead… maybe in the snow this time?! 🤦🏻‍♀️♥️🤣 it is actually forecast for Wednesday here… this is why us Scots make the most of any ray of sunshine that could be potentially considered warm!

So back to the rest of the day….

I’ll be honest I didn’t want to wake up and face today as I know I’m back to reality tomorrow and my anxiety took off running with things that could go wrong when I get back out there. It felt safer to pretend I was still asleep…. Yes I’m pretending to myself…. rather than see what time it was.

Of course the clocks went forward for us last night so British summer time begins today and once again the weather has kindly played ball. It is indeed a very summery summers day… in March… but it meant that I was of course, later than I expected it to be.

So I’ve done very little so far today. I’m still not feeling great and making the most of the sun in the garden. I wanted to do so much today… I “thought” I should do so much today… I see the sun and feel I should be out in it…. By the sea, living life, taking photos and seizing the day. But I am tired.

It’s no wonder we’re tired when we can overthink so much. “Worrying about the day we never saw” is what my Gran used to call it.

I’m drawn to a balancing crystal that I bought a while back. Now I know this is where I will lose some of you but hey… I’m saying it anyway. The Meridian Energy Balancing crystal has worked for me in the past. You pop it into your bra so you’re “wearing” it and it honestly takes the anxiety waves away almost immediately. It allows me to listen to my gut rather than the anxiety in my head which screams all the “what if’s”….. whether it’s mumbo jumbo or not it works for me and that’s all that matters. I am calm.

We cut back some ivy earlier….

The royal we…… 🤣 actually I did pull stuff out from the ground up!

I brought out a free standing bathroom shelf out and cleared that.

Mostly I have done absolutely nothing but sit in the sun as that is what I need today. Another day of recharging the batteries.

I love this array of daffies that have come through this week. On Monday they were still tight buds.

The dogs are loving the sun and in and out of the shade.

Had a wee nap lying on a blanket on the grass. The pub is busy and there’s lots of people in the beer garden so we’ve moved down to the bottom of the garden and I’m now in the hammock just swinging around in the sun.

Relaxing under this beautiful tree.

With this beautiful view.

We had a huge and amazing meal in the pub tonight. Was so nice to see people again.

I got a lovely card and flowers from the kids. Holly has done that every year for me and every year I forget and it’s a lovely surprise!

We had crab and salmon to start, Smoked Haddock in a creamy cheese sauce for mains and millionaires cheesecake for dessert.

Then had a lovely FaceTime with mum and dad while we’re sitting out in the garden again. It will be light until 7.45 pm tonight…. Definitely feels like summer is coming!!

So… back to reality tomorrow. Everyone is saying to take it easy as the fatigue is the worst. Just have to see how it goes!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

My second negative… finally free to go out into the big wide world! Of course I took the dogs for a walk….

I can fully think I look better than I feel. I’m surprised to see just how shaky I am. I feel really lightheaded, a bit dizzy and my legs are like jelly but I take it really easy and let the puppers take the strain up the hill.

It’s only been a week but everything seems so different. The ground is really dry and the daffies are blooming everywhere. I don’t mean they are blooming everywhere but blooming… everywhere.

It’s such a beautiful day. It’s not even 9am and I would go so far as to say it was hot. Remember us Scot’s have taps aff in the early teens centigrade as we think it might be summer and we might never see it again.

Who knew there was a weather forecast at Taps-aff.co.uk 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣🤗😆☀️☀️☀️

The forecast today is apparently for taps-oan which I wholeheartedly disagree with. Today is most definitely taps aff.

Anyway back to my shaky walk. It’s beautiful.

We are so lucky to have all of this on our doorstep and even more so when we are actually allowed to step OUT over said doorstep!

There’s not a cloud in the sky and only the lightest breeze occasionally.

Dragging me up the hill.

Knackered after a big run in the fields with Freya.

There was a huge wildfire on the side of Ben Lomond this week started by a discarded cigarette. I can now see why as the ground seems so dusty and dry even after such a wet February.

Despite COVID, March had come in like a lamb and is going out like a lamb so is my favourite month of the year so far.

So back home to drop off Bhruic and Freya and pick up Calaidh.

We’re off to Mocha JaKs for breakfast this morning…. Standing joke in our family when I was wee…. “Well you’re obviously feeling better then?!” Appetite, my dears, had never been an issue. Least I can taste most things again now.

We sat outside in Mocha JaKs and the first thing they do is bring Calaidh a bowl of water. She laps it up.

I have to fess up and say for the first time ever I ordered a Puppacino…. Yip….I succumbed to marketing… and Calaidh, who’s on a diet as she’s a bit too overweight… got a small cup of whipped cream and she was IN HER ELEMENT. She lapped it up.

I overindulged in Biscoff pancakes with a coconut milk latte.

I did remember to ask for Decaf and they didn’t have any….. caffeine it is. I’m sure I will survive!

The pancakes were beautiful and I only managed two. 🥰

I took Calaidh for a run round Spiers School Ground on the way home. Everything looks so stunning on a sunny day. I’m tired but I just take it slowly and I think it’s good to be getting some exercise.

The sun light is stunning through the woods.

The paths we walk so often seem so different today.

There are daffies all around the School’s war memorial.

This white daffie is looking downwards. It seems sad.

Calaidh is having a great sniff around.

These wee orange daffies were right out there!

The Japanese redwood has some kind of memorial Angel attached to it.

It’s such a lovely walk. My legs feel a bit stronger now. Maybe that’s the sugar rush from the pancakes?! 🤣

I thought this holly looked really lovely in the bright sunlight. We usually equate it to Christmas but this was sunshine holly instead!

Here she comes.

We saw a lovely new bench that’s been built at the side of the road. It’s in lovely bright colours. A great place for folk to stop and sit as they walk the Beith to Gateside loop. The old painted bench that was there has been removed.

I let her off lead again and into the burn so she could cool down. She just stands there….. as usual. She went to sit down at one point and stood straight back up again… guess it was too cold?!

I love that I could see right through the bridge.

There’s a huge dandelion growing too. I used to discard them as weeds and now see the beauty in everything. This next photo is right behind me. Old dry reed grasses.

And across the road….

More daffies on the way home.

These next ones have still to bloom, sure it won’t be long.

Think this is the tree my friend Evelyn has asked me about. She drives along the road looking for it. Made me think of her this morning.

So it’s not even 12.25, I’m sitting in Grans chair in the back garden writing this and I’m going to read a book I started the other day. I’ve not read a book in what feels like a long time.

Fast forward to 3.30pm and I have literally sat here all afternoon reading. I couldn’t put it down.

It’s been hot all day and as much as I want to be out and about down at the coast, I know I’m tired so I’m just gonna take it easy with my feet up in the sun and an alcohol free Birra Moretti.

Also my toenail polish matches my flip flops 🩴 😆

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️

COVID wise that is….. and mood wise I am finally more positive than negative. 🥰

Not gonna lie I’ve been getting them all mixed up again today. Messaged a few people today to tell them I tested positive when actually I finally tested negative this morning.

I came through from the bedroom for a big long hug! It felt soooo good. Free movement around the house is a game changer too. I can cope with not going out and being in isolation in the house but I really struggled with the restricted movement when I was positive and Craig still negative.

I’ve always craved isolation as crazy at that might sound. Some days just to chill and relax and do nothing. Yet the reality was so very different. Of course first of all you’re not feeling great…

Try as I might I couldn’t get my head into a relaxed space. I was agitated, irritable, cranky and very tired. I was irked that there were rules that I had to follow rather than just accepting what was. My reaction was one of stress….. in hindsight I needing grounding and brought back down to earth from the orbit I was existing in. You try to be so ridiculously careful with everything. I guess it’s not ridiculous but it’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. Treating yourself as a risk to other people is a very strange feeling.

I’ll always caveat it all by saying that I continually thought about those who had it worse than me. The fear of a real COVID-19 illness and the solitude must have been terrifying. I think back to all those news reports we watched so avidly in the beginning…. Those poor people. All the doctors and nurses and key workers equally terrified but trying so hard not to catch it while keeping others alive.

Mine was nothing. A bad head cold which moved on way more quickly than a head cold usually would. An intermittent hacking cough which wasn’t even sore.

I was always worried about the vaccination and yet I’m so glad I’ve had them all. I’m so glad my friends and loved ones have.

Anyway…..

Another great sleep last night. To be fair I think I was in bed from the back of 4 yesterday afternoon. Clean sheets an’ all that! Plus it was much cooler outside so I couldn’t sit outside.

I started watching Pieces of Me on Netflix which seems really good. Actually my thoughts now turn to our newly formed unity… when do I watch the rest of my show?! I know… I made myself smile with that one! 😆

I feel a new lease of life today. I’m still a bit lightheaded but I’ve cleaned the kitchen, both bathrooms and the living room already.

I’ve loaded the dishwasher and done a couple of washings. It feels so good just to catch up on it all. The negative head has gone replaced with Mrs positivity…. A can do attitude.

Craig’s off work today and has pressure washed our artificial grass. The garden looks amazing.

Having 3 Border Collies meant our natural grass was always in quagmire status but the artificial grass does need washing down.

It looks soooo clean without bits of wood, tree or dog toys all over it!

Bhru’s gonna shake this dog toy all over the place…..

Calaidh’s always ready with the ball ⚽️

And Freya found a bone in the great garden clean up!

We’re all outside in the fresh air. it’s beautiful here today.

The weather has been amazing all week and I’ve been so lucky to be outside in it.

Oh and Craig has a cold………. 🤧🤒😷

Let’s watch this space.

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️

I had another amazing sleep…. From sometime after 8pm last night right through until 5.30am this morning and then snoozed until after 7.

I’m coughing in my sleep but that’s all, I roll over and back to sleep.

I tested positive again today… not gonna lie, I burst into tears dramatically at that. I really expected to be negative today. My symptoms have passed quickly, I still have a cold but it’s nowhere near as bad as it was at the start of the week.

So once again I’m feeling really sorry for myself instead of focusing on the upsides. (Trying to stay away from the positives and negatives 🤣) I feel completely wiped out yet I’m annoyed by it. I want to shake it off, clear the fog and yet I can’t seem to.

I took some photos of the lovely daffodils growing in the garden today.

They are just so perfect. 🌼

My brother sent me photos of some Highland Cows he saw this morning on his walk. They made me smile.

Aren’t they beautiful 🤩

I’ve been working again today. Still mostly outside though I did have to move into the bedroom before lunch today as it got cold.

It’s been hard to focus and to concentrate and almost impossible to remember anything!!

It seems my body really tells me when it’s not happy with what I’m doing. I’ve been so antsy and irritable all day. My skin has literally crawled with irritation and I’ve been having tantrums in my head all day.

Craig suggested I wash the bedding today and clean round the room so I had a fresh room to head into tonight and I have to say it was a great idea.

I’ve clean sheets on, I’ve dusted and polished and I’m now in bed with the electric blanket on.

And finally I am calm.

I’m am doing what I want to do and what I need to do. Resting…. Doing nothing. Just being.

I have Bhruic cuddled into my side.

Puppy love 💕

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I slept really well again last night, that sleep of the exhausted. I had Calaidh and Freya in with me and Freya snored something shocking at times. 🤣

Must have been all the excitement from yesterday. I caught her guarding a dead rat in the garden yesterday….. I can’t believe I forgot to mention it.

My l’il puppy baby may have killed a rat….. breaks my heart!

Something caught my eye at her paws and I couldn’t place what it was….. you can imagine the dance I did when I realised…. The heebie jeebie dance.

It would appear it takes a dead rat to give me the heebie jeebies. Even just typing these words I feel it all over again!

So I call my neighbour Holly who kept rats as a kid apparently. She has no fear. She suggested I got it onto a shovel and into a bin bag.

Ok just give me a minute…… to compose myself.

Her daughter watched me through their window and gave them all a running commentary on the disposal… happy to provide the humour. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

I am not gonna lie…. It was horrific. Honestly just everything you can imagine… but I did it all by myself and I didn’t even scream… I just shivered and danced from foot to foot on several occasions.

By the time I was done my heart rate was up at 80 and I was so breathless.

I had to have a seat. 🤣

So, I tested positive again this morning.

We’re back to the throat and nose swabs again today and it almost made me sick. not sure why North Ayrshire only have a stock of the throat ones? The nose ones are way les offensive!!

I then messaged work, mum & dad, in-laws etc and told them I was still negative! 🤔🥴🙄

I told work I was feeling a bit better and the reply was “that’s positive”….. yeah I thought it was a step in the right direction too….

Then I clicked. The test is positive…. Not “still negative”…. Yup do not take my word for anything much today. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

Craig and I had breakfast in the garden again…. Garlic mushrooms on toast a la Craigie before 7.30am. The sky was lovely. so were the garlic mushrooms!

It’s milder today too. There was no frost on the grass.

I’ve had the desk and laptop set up outside as I can’t bring myself to work in that dark, stuffy bedroom. I add jumpers and blankets when I’m cold and remove them when the sun comes out.

I reach a point where I just need to shut my eyes and lie down. I did it this morning and again this afternoon but I’ve managed more than I did yesterday so every day is an improvement.

I do have a real lethargy today. I’m tired and want to sleep but I’m bored of feeling tired but too tired to bother doing anything. The struggle is real.

I will look back on this and think of all the things I could have done instead of sit here whinging about being tired.

I think I’ll shake it up a bit tomorrow and try a bit less of the self pity and lethargy… but for now I’m sitting in the sun with my blanket wrapped round me, drinking alcohol free gin and tonic.

That sounds not too bad at all.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️