Healing mental health during COVID-19 times and beyond
Author: Julie
Iām healing from anxiety and depression and exploring my way through a whole new lovely world with an abundance of awareness and a new love for lifeā¦ and travelling the world!
I actually worked on my blanket tonight at Crochet.
Check me!
Thatās the first time in a very long time. I am tying up the ends of my blanket trying to finally finish it. This has been a real labour of love.
We had a really great chat and put the world to ātightsā tonight (as I may have written once, a long time ago, and it stuck!)
Itās 8.35pm already so itās just a quickie tonight. Iāve been awake since 4am thinking about work and then had another busy day. Gonna get an early night tonight.
Good sleep despite having to get up at 2.30am to shut the window. The wind and rain were really loud overnight last night.
I was boyed up by my new found enthusiasm for life, but the weather was so dreich today and I found myself drained as the day went on. I felt bored by the mundane. To be fair today was stock check day which I sometimes love but today just felt like a chore as I have so many other things to do. Negative Nelly started talking me down again. By the time I came home I was raging that I couldnāt drink to numb my mind. Pissed off with myself for being strict with the fast so that I couldnāt gorge myself with chocolate to cheer me up.
Just BOREDā¦..
I know great things come from boredom but I have so many things I just canāt be bothered doing.
I came straight in and made dinner and didnāt stuff myself full of snacks afterwards, but hit the fasting button straight away at 5.22pm. That will be me until lunch tomorrow. She who needs a bikini body by the end of September, canāt afford to eat junk!!
So we sat down over dinner with an old faithful show, New Amsterdam, and my whole body relaxed because I couldnāt listen to the voice in my head bitching about things that annoyed me. I shut her up.
Then I went to the Kinisi Flow class in the village hall at 6.30pm. I was looking forward to it (Iām as surprised as anyone else!) and I really enjoyed it.
I no longer feel bored. I feel tired but content.
I want to live in this bubble of happiness and awe and wonder at life 24/7 but life is not like that. I need to work at letting things go. Not over dramatising them in my head to make them bigger. the more we talk about them and share the story, the bigger we make them to soothe our own ego.
Just let things be and let them go.
Iām so full of wisdom as I write thisā¦. š not so much at the time!
Anyhooā¦.. Iāve been meaning to talk about the virtues of Castor Oil for weeks now and keep forgetting.
Ellison introduced me to Dr Barbara OāNeill on TikTok but also Insta and how castor oil has a number of amazing propertiesā¦ not least of the reduction of inflammation, cysts and the like, in the body.
Anyway, a great end to the day. Iām standing in the garden, throwing balls for the doggos and leaning against a wall writing this. The seat is too wet because it poured with rain ALL day. That fine rain that soaks you. š
I had THE best sleep last night. Soooo good. Work up at 5.45 and donāt remember anything all night. Love that. More of that tonight please.
I went into work feeling positive for the day aheadā¦. And walked straight into one thing after another. All work plans out the window as I fire fought one thing to the next. When something goes āwrongā my inner voice is so negative. There was an issue with a part delivered today and I could blame myself to the moon and back, but at the end of the day we thought one thing and the supplier thought another. Itās just one of those things that happens. Whoās fault is it?!?!?! Quite frankly thereās a bit on both sides and the half hour wasted on how can we apportion blame, is just a waste of time. They have pulled it out the bag and will sort the issue this week. Yes, we have to determine how we can stop that from happening in future and thatās something I will always work at.
What surprised me is how negative my inner voice can get. Its always been there. Putting me down. Iām just so much more aware of it now.
Itās almost like a part of me revels in the fact that something, under my responsibility, had gone wrong, again. Trying to make me feel anxious, trying to make me stress out and feel bad. That voice wants me to take the blame for everything, to prove that Iām useless, to make me think that Iām not good enough to do my job. Itās really bad but I actually think itās really positive that I am aware of it. At least some days.
I wonder why I do that?!?? Why do I have such little self worth that I would revel in screwing something up, only to justify how rubbish I am?!?
There were a few things today that tried to pull me down but I didnāt let it win. What I did instead, was be proud of how I handled it and how quickly I got it resolved. Files from previous jobs held all the information that I needed and I found it clearly and calmly. Thatāll show you Negative Nelly.
I know how crazy all of this sounds but Iām fascinated by it allā¦. Certainly on the days that I can see it for what it is.
Someone had a good walk round Abbie the Campervan today so that was exciting. At least itās a start. I know she will sell but itās been a slow start so Iāve been a bit disheartened. Negative Nelly enjoys being disheartened. š¤¦š»āāļøš
On the way home tonight, I rounded a bed to find two cars driving straight towards me. One was overtaking and only just pulled in in front of me. He waved to apologise but oh my godā¦. The wave of adrenaline that went through me was something else. I had the shakes the rest of the way home.
Itās already 8.25 as Iāve been out in the garden. Iāve had no real purpose, Iāve just been doing a lot of bits and pieces. Iāve done some weeding, some digging and some clearing and binning of rubbish that had gathered around the garden over the years. It feels so good to have a bit of a tidy up.
I had a headache on the way home and knew I couldnāt have another night just sitting in front of the tv. I desperately wanted to do nothing and just chill out and relax, but I knew it wouldnāt be good for me.
So the headache is gone and I have really accomplished something. It feels good.
Oh and I made a chicken stir fry for dinner tonight too!
Oooh I did not get the best sleep last night. Iām not sure why? I read until late to try to finish my book and maybe my head was buzzing?!?!
Iād actually had a fairly antsy evening, considering Iād had such a lovely day. I could not decide what I wanted to watch on tv. I started the Sixth Commandment on iPlayer but I couldnāt get into it. I needed something bright and cheerful rather than dark and intense.
I had the room all lit with candles as it had been such a dark afternoon.
These two were sitting at the top of the stairs when I sent them up to bed last night. Too cute. Please donāt make us go in our room mumā¦ please can we come and sleep with you?!?
I didnāt feel the need to sleep with a herd of wildebeest!!
I didnāt get to sleep until about 1pm and woke again at 3 and finally at 6. I suppose I should be grateful I slept through the ā5am alarmā which wakes me most days.
I dried up the last of the defrosting freezer and put the oven trays and shelves back in the oven. I forgot Iād cleaned all of them yesterday too. Well, I tried my best. I popped half in the sink and half in the bath with dishwasher salts. Itās amazing how much it lifts. Iām also very proud of my freshly defrosted freezer!!
I took the dogs out at 7.30amā¦ no photos this morning as itās very non descript weather. Hmmm that appears to not be a word?!? Who knew?!?
I did take these lovely flowers on the way into the villageā¦. With the pylon in the background!
Gayle and I are heading to the Scottish Exhibition Centre for Scotlandās Trade Fair againā¦. Assuming this will be the autumn/winter collectionā¦.. oh jeez and probably Christmas!!! I never thought of thatā¦ how will I cope this early on?!?! šš
Here we are, about to go in!!
So it was much smaller than the one in January. Only one small hall. I think we were both a little disappointedā¦. strangely there was virtually no Christmas stuff out either!!! I didnāt expect that. It was worth it for a couple of suppliers that Gayle got to meet though.
To be fair, all the gift shops will have had to order Christmas stuff months ago but I hadnāt realised that. We had a lovely wee day anyway and Gayle bought us a huge chunk of Red Velvet Cake and coffee.
The motorway was heaving when we left the centre of Glasgow so Gayle took me the scenic route through her old stomping ground, Renfrew and Paisley!!
I have never been to Renfrew. She gave me a wee tour with running commentary.
How pretty is the Town Hall?!? Very Bavarian I thought? Lovely flowers on the central reservation too.
One of things I want to do this next year is to go on tours where people take me around and show me the sights!!! Exactly what today was.
Itās sunny now that Iām home but still really windy. Iāve tried to sit outside to write this but had to come in when the sun went behind a cloud.
This next one really spoke to me. āThe dark tunnel of changes leads to the light of possibilityā.
During everything I went through, as awful as it was, I always knew I would be ok. I always knew things would work out, I knew I wouldnāt lose the house, I knew it would eventually be ok.
This calm of the last week has been so lovely. I am truly grateful for every day. Iām not wishing it to be over, or wishing for the next day. Iām happy and content in my own head. Yes I want to sell the van and look for my next thing, yes Iām looking forward to my holiday but I am not wishing my life away.
Iāve said it before but I am so grateful to have had that wake up call. I stopped fighting for a life I had outgrown. I sat in Granās chair and went through some pretty dark times but it was all worth it to find this version of me.
So hereās your Sunday reminder that we can take anything life throws at us.
Oh and Craig and Calaidh are home.
They havenāt messed up too much of my tidy home.
I am having the loveliest wee day to myself. I am super productive when Craig is not here, what is that all about?!? How do I get so much done when Iām on my own, yet lounge about moaning about being ātiredā when heās here?!?
I had the best sleep. Out for the count until my body clock woke me at 5.02am. Iām waking up at Scottish Dog Behaviourist time, even when heās not here!!
I checked the weather and my phone and all was quiet despite quite a bad storm overnight, Craig & Calaidh must have survived the night in the tent!
I managed to fall back to sleep until just before 8am. Thatās more like it.
I got Bhruic and Freya up and straight out for a walk after their breakfast.
Itās strange weather, pretty windy and obviously had been very wet, but the wind was warm and the sky very dramatic.
On one hand very sunny but on the other very mean and moody!
I came home and got stuck into the housework. Itās amazing how clean your house can be when you actually clean itā¦. Ok I know! Obviousā¦ā¦ now I have a bit more time, itās easier to stay on top of it. Iāve done two washings and have hoovered the whole house again.
This is a part of our Shark anti hair wrap hooverā¦. Iāve been SO disappointed with it since we got it, years ago now to be fair. It seems to delight in wrapping hair instead.
To be fair, it still does itās job as THIS is how much hair it picks up from one rug in one week.
I do fight a loosing battle with housework. We both have long hair and we have 3 dogsā¦ she who once lived alone in a spotless house, had to relax some standards. There are times when I think I relaxed them way too much but heyā¦ life is not all about housework. š
I headed out for a food shopping at 11.30ā¦ now this is quite unheard of for me. If Iām doing anything like that, I usually have to go first thing, so Iām there before anyone else and can get parked and first choice of everythingā¦. Blah, blah. Today I broke my own ruleā¦. Didnāt even consider the panic a mid day shop would sometimes bring. Just did it.
I thought this was a very Scottish supermarket photo!
On my way back, I headed to Curiosity which has just opened in Beith. It sells coffee, cakes and a few wee curiosities.
This is Lesley who owns it. She came to the little gift shop a few weeks back and brought us a free coffee. I finally got there today.
Itās a beautiful space. I love the colours. thereās only one wee table, so will mostly be takeaway.
I had a Mint Oak Milk Latte, really randomly as I have NEVER put mint in a coffee, but wowā¦. It was soooo good. The coffee is lovely, really mellow. I also had a Rhubarb and Custard Blondie with chunks of hot chocolate in it. That speaks for itself!!
This is how I broke 19 hours of fasting!!
Thereās a lovey unique view of the Beith Townhouse!
I love the cake cabinet.
I had a great chat with Lesley and even met Emma who has started supplying cakes to Curiosity. Cakes by Emma š§š§š§
I finally dragged myself out of there and headed back up the road. I put all the shopping away and started defrosting the freezer. As you do!
It was sunny for a wee bit there but has mostly been wet and windy today.
So who knows what relaxing things Iāll get up to tonight. I might read a bit, I might find a good movie or I might watch some more YouTube clips on the most beautiful places in the world to visit. Thatās whatās on in the background as I write this.
Wide awake at 5am which is fine because I was in bed at 8.15pm!!
I was shattered yesterday.
I read for a bit then was off to sleep before 9pm. Apparently I missed a beautiful sunset!
Up and out with the dogs before 7am for a bit of a dog jog though way more walking than jogging.
It was lovely and sunny to the north and east.
And really dark and cloudy to the south. This photo doesnāt do it justice.
This seagull was the goalie the whole time we walked passed.
The sun looked amazing in the clouds.
I was helping out in The little gift shop today and, as usual, it was so lovely. Itās lovely to catch up with so many people that Iāve not seen in ages. I get so much out of helping people choose gifts when they have no idea what to get.
One lady said I was very good at what I did and it was a real talent. Kindness costs nothing and the shop is all about kindness, every step of the way. ā„ļø Her words will stay with me.
š
I love this next oneā¦.
Iāve felt good again today. Calm and in control.
For dragonflies ready 2 Blue Merle Border Collies!! Craig is away camping this weekend with Calaidhā¦. Leaving me with these two beauties š
Iāve just looked at the weather forecast and we have strong winds and torrential rain overnight so I hope the campers are ok.
Hope you all have a great weekend! Was about to end with my usual āstay safe everyoneā when I remembered that COVID really seems to be kicking back in at the moment, I know 6 people who have got it and it seems like they feel pretty rotten. I got a text about my 4th vaccination and my flu jab and I decided I wasnāt going to get it this time. I kinda feel enough is enough. I never wanted it in the first place but got it and I just donāt know what to do. Now that people are sick again Iām undecided. Will take any advice anyone has. Iām easily persuaded!
Another broken nights sleepā¦. Iām off the Progesterone for two weeks so it could be that. I say broken nights sleep, itās just unsettled, I am certainly not awake all night. I just donāt feel very refreshed when I wake up.
In other menopausal newsā¦. I know you love itā¦. š³š¤¦š»āāļøš The old time of the month came sauntering back along after 4 months of absolutely nothing.
Now I should say here, around this time, I used to say it was the one day of the month that I should have taken off sick. I was always a nightmare, very tearful, anxious, fearful, ready to fly into a rage. Also used to have crippling stomach cramp. I remember my poor Grandpa being sent to pick me up from University when it was so badā¦. We didnāt discuss it at all, as that wasnāt the done thing, at all, but I got into bed when I got to my Granās, with a hot water bottle and painkillers to sleep it off. I also remember hugging a kettle in one job to try and ease the painā¦ as you do.
This month I would like to report that Iāve been positively angelic. š
Itās so nice for me to be able to see these changes and appreciate how far I have come.
So work was the usual very busy todayā¦. Iāve only had a 3 day week so itās flown byā¦. But Iāve been ok again today. Handled anything thrown at me. Again, lovely to have some days like that and not overreact to things that shouldnāt be overreacted to!
I had a Harmony massage booked with Norma straight after work. I soooo needed it. Itās only a half hour but I could have stayed the night! I feel all sleepy and chilled and relaxed now.
Norma is so good and really works her magic.
A quiet night for me tonightā¦ I think the amount I am yawning it might be a very early night!!
Ooooh I did not sleep that well last night. I was in bed for 8.15pm after Kinisi Flow last night (Iād spelt it wrong yesterday!)
It was a really different exercise class. You move constantly for 50 minutes of the class, breathing deeply as you go. I suppose a bit reminiscent of Tai-chi. I enjoyed it and I think it will be really good for my flexibility.
I felt as stiff as a board the whole way through but you do loosen off a bit towards the end.
Craig was watching the Rangers game so I headed up to bed with a book. I switched the lights off at 9.15pm but didnāt feel rested at all, when the alarm went off at 5.30am.
I got up early to walk Calaidh as we feel she needs a bit of extra exercise. Puppy fat at 8.5 years old!
Sheās always been the least agile out of the 3. She only runs when youāre walking, unlike the other two who will run about crazy all the time.
The other two were less than happy at being left behind!
The sky looked like it was going to be something special at sunrise but it really didnāt do anything much. In fact it was cloudy all day until 3.30pm when the scorching sun came out.
So Iāve actually had a really lovely but busy day. there have been a lot of stress triggers and I havenāt reacted to any of them. Iāve been calm and clear headed. Iāve worked around all the interruptions and just gone on with whatever came up, without getting stressed about what I have or havenāt done.
I love when I feel like this.
There is no reasoning behind it. Some days I overreact and some days I keep calm.
I know a lovely lady who lost her Dad today. A reminder that life is short and what we make it.
I am triple booked for this evening.
I usually meet the Crochet Hookers but had the chance to go for a swim with Lindsay in Kilbirnie Lochā¦ then I remembered that we have a painter coming to quote for the Village Hall and Iām asking him to quote for redecorating our whole house. There is no doubt that we canāt afford it, but we need it and I am never going to do it. The Scottish Dog Behaviourist is way too busy just now and I told him politely that he can be a bit slap dash. She who does not want to decorate can pick holes with gusto on occasion. He has a hard life. So weāll see how the quote goes and take it from there.
Iām off into the pub to sit with the Hookers until he arrives!
I was out for the count the whole night last night. The caffeine Iāve been drinking in the morning isnāt affecting my sleep.. at all!
I had decided to get up and take Calaidh out before work this morning. I didnāt change my alarm as the Scottish Dog Behaviourist ALWAYS has his set for 5am. Iād just get up when he did.
Not so this morning.
6am.
I did not know it was 6am and decided to have a wee snooze.
My alarm went off at 6.15am and I was gutted. Too late Calaidh puppa, sorry!!
Anyhooā¦. Work was crazy busy again today. Non stop though I did get a full half hour out in the sun at lunch time which was fab. A wee catch up with Ellison whoās been on holiday!
So yeah after the day off and visiting the Waverley, I forgot to tell you about my hysterical giggles on Sunday night.
It started when our friend Euan sent me thisā¦
Well that was meā¦. Hooked!!
Mine looks exactly like a photo taken through a toilet roll tube. I donāt look anything like the moon!!
This is my why is it not working face.
I got Craig in on itā¦.
Then the dogs!!
I was honestly in hystericsā¦.. which Craig recorded and sent to Euan and Lindsay. Of course he did. šš
I was trying to photograph everything through a toilet roll. Even now I still smile at the thought of it. Itās surprisingly addictiveā¦ could be the thing that sets me apart from other āphotographersāā¦.. I put that in quotes as I means someone who takes photos rather than and actual photographer! Hours of fun and giggles and I donāt laugh like that enough. I had tears streaming down my face and couldnāt speak as I was laughing so hard.
It is very good to laugh!
So tonight Iām heading back to Tuesday night exercise class in the Village Hall. Kinesioflow. Sounds interesting and not connected to kinesiology.
I can feel all my muscles withering away and I have skin sagging where it hasnāt for years. My body is missing the Fit Body Farm even though Iām loving my late nights and morning lie ins.ā¦
I really donāt want to go but I know I will love it and it will feel great afterwards.
Guess it comes back to, if it was easy, everyone would do it. I just have to stay switched on until 6.30pm!
Iām sitting out in the sun, itās been a beautiful day today. Hot.
It feels like a longer weekend having a Monday off, than having a Friday off, but I know thatās not really true.
I slept in until ooooh 6.15amā¦. š³ we had a nice, leisurely, freshly ground coffee āļø in the sun room before taking the dogs up the hill for some Scottish Dog Behaviourist photos and filming.
Itās a lovely morningā¦ really clam and still and very mild. The forecast is for heat all week, which is lovely, though to us, thatās 16-20Ā°C which will do me nicely.
Bhru got a wee teensy bit muddy!!
Calaidh loving her red frisbee!
Filming some training!
I stopped in past the meadow garden on the way home. Check this beauty!
Just to give it some perspective, they are very small but so pretty when you stop to look and focus in.
Showered and changed and headed over the Largs to wait for the PS Waverley coming in. Sheās sailing from Glasgow around the Isle of Arran today.
I had time for s quick wander round the odd charity shop, Costa Coffee to pick up some sandwiches and a Coconut Milk Latte (DECAF!) and I settled down on the rocks to wait for her coming in.
There were hundreds of people waiting to get on!
And just like that she was gone!
I was home for 1.30 and passed Craig on his way out to work. I have no idea where this afternoon has gone but 3 hours have past and I have done precious little. Two loads of washing, put clothes away and watched some YouTube videos of the quieter places to visit in the world! Itās been pretty cloudy but still warm. I might do some more work on my vision board later on. Iām getting quite into this manifesting malarkey.
Itās been a lovely relaxing day, itās lovely when the sun shines in the blue sky. It makes everything feel really good.
Such a productive morning! It seemed a long morning as I felt I got so much done.
We were up early as usual, which always helps. I stripped the end and got it in to wash as it was the last thing to do in our newly spotless bedroom.
We had one of Craigās new ground coffees. I love grinding the beans š« I always drink it black as Iām always fasting in the mornings, since the 20th Decemberā¦.. I should be a size 6 by now. š
Iāve been thinking of doing a vision board since Kinesiology last week. I got set up on Craigās laptop, through in the living room and we sat together, and I looked at loads of photographs of wonders of the world and places Iād like to visit. I saved them all into one file and will eventually get round to making them up into a vision board. It was so much fun to actually look at so many beautiful photographs. If I want to make something more of my photography, I feel that I need to search out some beautiful shots rather than just pointing and pressing with the iPhone. There are so many stunning places in the world to visit. I am keen to travel by train, plane or boat instead of driving. Iām also quite happy to go on guided tours because you find out so much more information than you would if you were on your own. Itās exciting to think of all the places we can explore.
We then got the dogs ready and took them down to the garage to pick up Craigās car. Heās had a leisure battery fitted for a camping trip he has planned for next weekend. It had been pouring all day yesterday and through the night and it was wet when we got up this morning, but we managed to walk half the way there before the heavens opened. It was actually a really nice walk even although we got soaked, itās nice to be out in the rain sometimes.
So thatās really cool log along the way that someone had painted.
Drookit!!!
I also put a Abbie the Campervan up for sale on Autotraderā¦. And I sold some of the camping gear I put up for sale yesterday. Had a lovely lady come to the house and got chatting for ages. Poor Craig got stuck in the bathroom as we chatted for so long in the hall! He couldnāt walk out in his towel!!
So we were meant to meet our friends, Lynsey and Euan today to go canoeing on Kilbirnie Loch. How cool would that have been. They are seasoned kayakers and canoeists and were going to show us how it was done. Unfortunately it was too windy this morning for our first shot so we scrapped those plans and arranged to just meet for lunch. Itās a shame we didnāt get to canoe but looking forward to sometime soon. Iāve always wanted to go sea kayaking and Craig seems to have the bug for loch or river canoeing š¶ so Iām happy to meet him there!!
We took a lovely walk along the new Lochshore path, and I got loads of photographs at the side of the loch. Of course I did. Here are a few!!
Iām on the horse while theyāre in the cart!!!
Turned into such a lovely afternoon. The sky was really blue and the clouds are very fluffy looking. Of course on the day where I do more walking than I have in a long time., my Fitbit stopped working, so Iāve no idea how many steps Iāve done but Iām sure itās quite a lot!
A good laugh is very good for the soul!
Iāve been watching YouTube videos on the natural wonders of the planet since I got home. That seems to be my new fascination.
Iāve had a really great weekend so far. Iām looking forward to a Monday holiday too. Itās great to be sitting here on a Sunday night knowing that I donāt have to get up to go to work tomorrow, it makes a Sunday seem even more relaxing!
Wide awake at 6am. Of course I wasā¦. on my day off. š
Iāve had a lovely day. Blitzed the house this morning, well particularly our bedroom.
All on the board are a great follow.
I think Iāve said before that I feel like we still have too much āstuffā and certain rooms become a dumping ground. Our bedroom hadā¦ so itās all cleared and things put away where they should have been. I really enjoyed pottering. I cleaned the dogs room again. It wasnāt that bad but itās good to stay on top of it. I hoovered the stairs. Itās much easier the more often they get doneā¦ obviously. š¤¦š»āāļø
I put the van up for sale on Gumtree! Someone has already messaged to ask if Iād like to exchangeā¦ eh naw!
I put some camping mats, pillows, double sleeping bag and rucksack up for sale on FB Marketplace. sold the mats and pillows already.
You all know how much I loved being in The little gift shop but I am enjoying the extra time to get so much done.
I am way more content when the house is clean. A tidy house is a tidy mind as they say.
Gayle came to pick me up at 2.30pm and we headed up to Linwood and had a wander round the shops for a few hours. It was great to catch up.
I got this really random lemon sweatshirt and shorts but itās made of towelling. It was Ā£8.50 in the sale. I thought it would be great for wearing around the hotel room on holiday. (You so know why I have so much stuff to move around the house really eh?!!)
Unfortunate photo bomb by Calaidh!
So back in my comfies for a night of TV. weāre watching Wolf on BBC iPlayer, recommended by Rachel two doors down. It seems dark already and itās only 7.15pm. It has rained ALL day! š§ļøš§ļøš§ļøš§ļøš§ļø
Thought this next one was excellent food for thought. itās another reason I write the blog, I know I can be the toxic person at times.
Check me. A great day?!? At work?! On a Friday?!? Whoād a thunk it?!?
I didnāt get to bed until 12.15 pm after a lovely wee night at Gemma and Jonnyās wedding.
The Gailes Hotel in Irvine was a lovely venue and Gemma and Jonny were lucky enough to get married outside, during the day. It was the hottest day of the week by far, if not a bit cloudy.
The Tartan Camper Crew rocked up at 7pm.
We sat outside for a good bit of the evening. It was really warm. It was good for us all to get a chat outside work.
Suddenly certain that this photo wasnāt my best angle ššš
So a late night and I had decided to work today as Iād left in such a mess yesterday.
It was absolutely the right decision!!
I have had the best day. Despite the very late night, for me, I was incredibly clear and focussed on what needed doing. I picked up exactly where Iād left off yesterday. It felt super productive, I was buzzing and really enjoyed what I was doing. I have sorted everything that felt out of control. Iāve still loads to do and Iām sure thereās lots I have forgotten but I felt like I ticked enough boxes before I take a day off on Monday, instead.
Iām so glad I went in.
So yeah a very good day. Abbie the Campervan is home. Craig and I will have beans on toast for dinner but hey, she is sale worthy now!
It was so hot when I got home I sat out for a bit but suddenly clouded over so Iām inside, feet up contemplating dinner. It would appear the puppers are also expecting their dinner as they are pestering me š
How lucky is the bride that got today for her wedding? Itās been warm all day and the sun has just come out and itās 24Ā°C. Weāve not had weather like this since June.
Gemma, who did all the upholstery in Abbie the Campervan, is getting married today, so the Tartan team are all heading out to her evening reception tonight.
I have had the busiest day to end the busiest of few weeks. I hate leaving a Thursday with everything in a riot and thatās exactly what I did today. I was lucky that Ali, that I work with, could give me a lift to and from work, as Abbie is having her steering pump fitted today. I ran out leaving chaos. As I sit here just now Iām thinking I will go into work tomorrow and take Monday off instead as Iāll never remember where I am by Monday. At least in the morning Iāll have half an idea. I was just in the middle of so many things.
Hmmmmā¦. food for thought.
Look at the pink on the hydrangea this morning. Itās just stunning.
Wish get a photo in the direct sunlight to brighten them up even more.
Iām sitting out in the garden but I do need to go and get ready. Iāve not looked anything out, Iām just kind of hoping it all comes together when I start getting ready.
Thankfully Kinesiology did the trick again and turned my tornado, firework head back to calm.
I say it every time but itās such a relief when the Drama Queen packs up and leaves the Peaceful Princess to get on with life. (I came up with that all by myselfā¦. š¤¦š»āāļøš)
When I feel peace and calm, I canāt imagine how bad the anxiety feels, it seems incredulous to me that I can put myself through that turmoilā¦ but hey I do it all by myself. My reactions to triggers, my own lack of self worth, among others, has a huge part to play when I feel down.
Abbie the Campervan is getting a new power steering pump today to the tune of Ā£532. I didnāt fully advertise the sale until I knew she was fixed so itāll be full steam ahead this weekend. Iām ready to move on to my new life now. Iām still very sad to see her go but also very ready to see what comes next.
Iām going to try to do a vision board of what my travelling future looks like. I know it will be more guided trips as Iām really enjoying that. Saga bus tours here I come!!! Jokingā¦. š
I have felt SO much better today. I am fully guarded against all the energy shifts that are going on at the moment. I know so many of you will think this is mumbo jumbo but it really makes sense to me.
So another awfy busy day at Tartan HQā¦ constantly adding to the lists but hey, today I can cope with that as I know I can only do my best.
Iām heading into the pub to meet the Crochet Hookers now so Iāll leave you with another few photos from the weekend!!
Hunterston Nuclear Power Station through a porthole in the ladies toilets!!
Ailsa Craig is the dot on the horizon!
The view over to Arran.
Up on top deck.
Passing my favourite Portencross Castle.
Reversing into Ayr. A pilot had to sail out of the ship and come on board to dock the Waverley in Ayr. Fascinating to watch how they fulcrum us round the port using ropes.
Sailing into Girvan with the lovely beach in the background.
I am so very lucky to live here and have access to such lovely scenery.
What a beautiful day today. Itās been sunny and warm which has been lovely. I was able to wear my shorts to work and not freeze.
Iām sitting outside writing this. Itās windy but warm enough.
I had another amazing sleep but when I woke I wanted to just stay in bed and had to talk myself into movingā¦ to be fair, I had to š but I was super positive. I kept saying āyouāve got this and today is what you make it, itās going to be a wonderful day and youāll get loads doneā.
It ran around my head like a mantra and I smiled every time I thought it. Which was a lot.
The morning went slowly as I started on all the things that needed doing. I was clear and focussed and pleased with my progress. All the while, massively proud of my positivity.
The day is what we make it.
Then I saw my lovely friend Isy posted this.
A major shift in consciousnessā¦. Wow. I love when something like this clicks with me.
Things happened that werenāt what I wanted to hear but I took a deep breath and got on with them. I did what needed doing. Still smiling. Proud of my lack of Julie style reaction.
I canāt pinpoint when it actually went wrong but I became overwhelmed with everything coming at me in the afternoon.
My list long out the window. All the while everything thatās happening is just adding to the list. Iām no longer in control, I donāt have time to write things down before I move on to the next.
I should say here, as I always do, that NONE of these things are the end of the world. Itās my fight or flight reactions that make them the end of the world in my head. Nothing is insurmountable (Iāve used that recently š) but itās true, I know that.
Yet I get ratty, defensive, put myself down to anyone who will listen and worst of allā¦ laugh at myself for being so cocky in the morning. āāyeah right, you think youāve got it sussed, youāll never have it sussedā. I speak to myself in a way Iād never speak to my worst enemy.
I have to take Abbie the camper van to the garage to get a once over before she sells. Iām not happy with the steering and think she needs a new power steering pump though hoping itās less than that.
I left the garage without a lift home and felt all tearful and angry as I left. I suppose itās understandable really but I feel like a wee kid who needs to have a tantrum. Iām full of pent up irritation and anger, all of it unfounded. Iāve become irritated with anything that doesnāt go my way. Tasks that a few Fridayās ago I was positively bursting to tick off my list are creating anger and frustration as I canāt possibly imagine how Iāll be able to fit that into my busy schedule.
Again, lets have a laugh at thatā¦. My busy schedule sees me sitting with my feet up in front of the tv most nights so Iām hardly rushed off my feet.
So thankfully Gayle agreed to come and pick me up after work and I sat on a kerb at the high school car park for a while. That helped me breath a bit more freely. She then made me laugh in the car which really helped.
Honestly my teeth are crawling in the back of my mouth right nowā¦.. I messaged Angela, my kinesiolgist, to pull forward next weeksā appointment and she can see me at 7.30pm. This stuff works wonders for me and I know Iāll feel better when Iāve talked it through. I feel better writing it down too.
I always vow when Iām like this, that Iāll never feel like this again and yet it keeps coming at me. I wish I could just let the bad feelings go but I hold onto them, swing around on them and get irritated by how they make me feel. Maybe thatās what I need to work on tonight.
Sorryā¦. I hear myself. I had such a lovely Sunday. I need to hold on to thatā¦. Which means more photos!!!
Passing the Tall Ship on the Clyde.
On our wayā¦ Craig took this!
The Renfrew Ferry jetty. This is the only Clyde ferry that still operates across edge 200m river. The Captain said it was very popular with pedestrians.
Heading to the Erskine Bridge.
The Glen Sannox, CalMac ferry still under construction.
The Cloch Lighthouse.
Dolphinsā¦. Honestly! š
Millpond.
Iāll leave it there for now. still millions more to share š
Itās funny when you do something really out of the ordinary and then have to go straight back to normal life. It does feel like I had a holiday.
I had such a perfect day yesterday on the PS Waverley. Given the weather we have had through the whole of July, itās amazing to think we had sunshine all day. I was so lucky.
As I drive to work this morning, I had a wee smile at Ailsa Craig on the horizonā¦. Iāve been there now. I love that and I want to do so many more things like it.
I had a great sleep and felt ok when I got up this morning. Work was crazy busy today! Lots of people seem to think about Campervan conversion over the weekend, which I suppose is very obvious. It never stopped. I did get a wee half hour out in the sun at lunchtime though which is a good break.
Over the next few days Iāll share some more photos of my trip. I canāt recommend it enjoying. The Captain is so engaging and his commentary is so interesting. It really feels like a huge part of Scottish history.
So Iāll leave you with some more close ups of Ailsa Craig, certainly as Iāve never seen it before.
The bird sanctuary is uninhabited and lies 10 miles off the coast of Girvan.
This is the castle perched on the side facing Girvan. The heather is so pretty in full purple bloom.
The lighthouse and cottage are at the base of the same side. In the back of this photo you can see the Isle of Arran mountainsā¦ if you really really zoom in!
The ābackā of Ailsa Craig from the Girvan side, is the front of Ailsa Craig to the Mull of Kintyre side and thatās where all the islands gannets are nesting. The noise was incredible.
The rock is very similar to the basalt columns of Staffa that I visited in 2022.
The sun really lit up the birds though itās impossible to see them all in the photos. It was lovely and calm around this side.
There are just so many shots and so many views, I may be repeating myself. I used to want to take the trip that allowed you to land and climb to the top but I have to say, Iām incredibly happy that I got to sail around without having to climb. I had no idea it would be so steep. Yet with hindsight that seems obvious.
I am so envious of everyone out on other Waverley trips until she stops sailing the Clyde at the end of August. I could just sail on her every day!!
Still grinning from ear to ear.
Waverley excursions posted some amazing photos yesterday which Iāll share now but must give them credit!
Iām in them both. What a special memory!
More trip photos to follow. Least I have content for a while now!!
I should say Iām so grateful Iām not feeling as bad as I did on Saturday. That was a bit of a dip. It scared me a bit as I struggle to accept the lower days. I donāt want to be that person. I donāt understand why that lethargy raised its head after so long. I seem to always need a reason but I canāt put my finger on it this time. The Waverley trip came at such a good time. It lifted my spirits in a big way. I have to plan some more!!!
Itās a beautiful morning. Thereās not a breath on the Clyde.
Craig ran me to the Glasgow Science Centre for 9.30am and picked me back up in Ayr at 6.30pm. In that time I have sailed the River Clyde and the Firth of Clyde down to Largs for 12.10pm, Ayr and Girvan for 4.10pm and out around Ailsa Craig. A very crude mapā¦.
A bucket list item ticked for me today. Big time!!
I didnāt feel good when I woke up this morning but the day had had the desired effect. This is what makes me happy. This is what gives me a buzz. Travelling and exploring and not having to drive.
I have had the most amazing time. I have gazillions of photos to sort through so Iām going to make this very quick and just show you a few for now as Iām shattered! Itās 8pm already. (Reading this back over, I did way more than I was planning!!)
This photo makes me laughā¦ I have the tallest husband in the world š I look tiny!
The Waverley is pushed around to turn the opposite way on the Clyde. Itās literally shunted.
Craig stayed and took some photos from the dock.
Sailing under the Erskine Bridge.
Passing Dumbarton Rock.
We had dolphins riding the bow at this point and I got a fab video which I shared on The Rambling Sloth FB page. The last time I tried to add a video to WordPress it hung for days so I not risking it!!
Ailsa Craig is the tiny blob of an island on the horizon.
Leaving Largs.
Arriving in Ayr where a million people got on!!
Arriving in Girvan.
The RNLI lifeboat danced around beside us for a while!
Setting sail for Ailsa Craig.
I am so pleased we got to sail right around. The photos of the Waverley sailing round would have been pretty special. Thatās the only negative to being IN herā¦ you donāt get photos OF her.
Never mind the island. Look at that sky!!
I obviously have loads more photos but will work through them another day.
I met some lovely ladies. Another blogger Dawn-Marie than Iām going to follow and a girl called Sarah. Youāre never alone when youāre on your own.
Iāve had the most amazing day. Honestly out of this world. Sadly Iāve been FREEZING for most of it as I opted for the summer wardrobe and unpacked the hat, gloves and warm hoodieā¦ but nothing would get me sitting indoors!!
Sarah spotted this rabbit in the clouds!
Looking towards the Heads of Ayr.
Craig took some fab photos from the dock.
Whereās Julesie, just like whereās Wally!!! Look how busy the ship is?!?
Hint Iām waving!
Vision in turquoiseā¦
A wonderful day. This is what life is all about. š¢ā„ļø
Iāve been in bed most of the day. Iām not sick Iām just so lethargic.
The Scottish Dog Behaviourist set his alarm for 5am. Today was my only day off without an alarm. I tried to go back to sleep but got up at 5.45am. Iām very quiet, definitely not full of chat.
I headed out with the puppers at 6.30am!!
The forecast is for rain all day again, but itās dry for now, though much cooler than yesterday. It is, however, only 6.30am š when was the last time I was out in a T-shirt at that time of the morning?!
I didnāt run as much today. More of a flat footed fast walk at times.
Itās what I call a watery sun this morning. Looks like it will rain heavily soon.
I think that shot is pretty impressive when you consider I have 3 excited Border Collies in one hand š desperate to get off on their walk!
Quite liked the wee thistley things, as you can tell as there are two photos.
āWhatcha stopping for now mumma?!? Awwww there are sheep-y-mehs in here!!ā
I dragged the 3 of them past the meadow garden, just to see how itās coming along.
Itās much the same but still very pretty.
Itās very unassuming behind this gate!
Back home and I sat about for a bit. Itās only 7.30am so I headed back to bed until just before 10am. I was woken up but the dogs doing a proper wolf howl after Craig left the house!!
I didnāt know where to put myself. Didnāt have the energy to do anything but couldnāt think of the kind of nothing I wanted to do. š¤¦š»āāļøš
I came outside for a poo pick and suddenly found myself weeding the very overgrown garden! As you do.
It was a tough slog and I felt a bit lightheaded at times. There are still a lot of very tough weeds but I really broke the back of it. There are some plants that ended up going too but Craig really doesnāt like this part of the garden so I did what he wanted me to do rather than what I would have done. Itās easier to clear it all than clear bits of it.
I asked him to bring a KFC Boneless Bucket home. Lethargy craves junk.
As soon as I ate it, I went for a shower then back up to bed for another 2.5 hours!!
I tried to read a book that Evelyn lent me but was out for the count. I havenāt needed this much sleep in ages.
Iām super silent in my head. Iām calm, there is nothing to worry about, nothing I canāt blog about, Craig and I havenāt fallen out, Iām just hiding in silence which I know sounds weird but I must need it for some reason. I maybe need some kind of recovery from the crazy histrionics mid week. Hard work this over analysis! š«£š„±š
Iām back out in the garden, jammies on hoping no one from the pub looks over the fence. I have one boob under each arm pit, as you do when your my age and braless. š I could sit here all night.
The rain never came.
Check out our hydrangea bush. I tried to get it all in the photo!
Itās really beautiful.
Iāve had a wee play with the puppers to get some jumping shots!
A couple of them you have to click on the pic to get a full view but Iām sure you get the gist.
So a day of a whole lot of nothing and I could go back to bed and sleep some more. I might just do that.
Getting up some energy from my full day on the PS Waverley tomorrow which Iām super excited aboutā¦ in a quiet, tired kinda way!
I had THE best sleep. Out for the count all night, itās such an amazing feelingā¦ I woke up to a woo woo woo woo from the back garden at 7am. Craig was up early and I never even heard him. (Should clarify, it wasnāt him woo woo woo-ingā¦. Obviously! š¶š¶š¶)
I didnāt feel great when I woke upā¦. Really groggy and little bit sad. I cuddled Craig on the couch and had a wee tear without him even noticing. (Love that he reads this to find outā¦ š¤¦š»āāļøš¬) I mentally gave myself a shake and got my running gear on to take the dogs out for dog jog. Itās the LAST thing I wanted to do. Every part of me wanted Craig to say heād take them.
I opened the front door, walked out and started to run straight away.
I never do that.
I ran and ran and ran.
It felt good.
Itās comical when one of them catches scent of something and almost pulls me off my feet as they stop dead to catch up on their pee-mail.
It was a beautiful morningā¦ lovely blue sky.
I felt so much better for it. Straight in the shower and back into my little gift shop clothes! Funny how I have clothes I havenāt worn since I havenāt been in the shop. š
Iāve had a lovely wee day chatting with Gayle and seeing lots of lovely customers again. Iāve missed that lovely energy. We had a busy day and it passed really quickly. The shop is looking amazing with lots of new stock!
Thereās a new vintage coffee shop opening in Beith next week and the owner came in and brought Gayle and I a lovely latte. āļøāļø
What a great idea to get local businesses on board. The coffee shop is called Curiosity. Sheās planning to open on Thursday.
The coffee was lovely but full caffeineā¦ obviously!! I was buzzing afterwards!!! š«£
Despite having such a lovely day, I still donāt feel right. I am tired and just a bit antsy and unsettled. I felt really nervous and stomach churning before I got homeā¦ could just be the caffeine maybe but a lot of people I speak to this week have said similar, that they just donāt feel quite right. Someone said there were two full moons this month. Ahhhhhhā¦ nope no idea what that means but it sounds a good enough reason for me.
When I donāt feel 100%, I always want to have a reason, I want to know why I feel out of sortsā¦.
Iām home now, in our newly organised sunroom, with the wood burning stove on and the door open.
I have my feet up and Craigās just made dinner. We had lots of meat that was about to go off so we had a plate of different meatsā¦ protein dinner, a bit like a BBQ! It was really nice and actually I would have just had cheese and biscuits if it was left to me in my lazy state of mind.
Hope you all have a great Friday night and a lovely weekend!
The Rambling Sloth š¦„ 