Healing mental health during COVID-19 times and beyond
Author: Julie
I’m healing from anxiety and depression and exploring my way through a whole new lovely world with an abundance of awareness and a new love for life… and travelling the world!
Ok so I lied. I said that once I’d explored every avenue, trying to get my no claims bonus reinstated….. if it didn’t work, it would be ok.
It is not as ok as I thought it would be. (great English, I know!)
I’ve cried through sheer rage and despair at the ridiculousness of the whole situation.
I guess, in true ME fashion, I have to use this as a warning to other people.
My life is going really well just now and I can’t let the sheer frustration of this, bring me down.
So be very careful if you buy a car while you still have another car. I realise that this doesn’t happen very often and it only happened to me because I had a redundancy payout to play with.
When the insurance company offers to mirror your no claims on your existing policy…. It’s very lovely of them as it gives you a bit of a discount. You get very excited and grateful as you are unable to prove your no claims as it’s still in use on the first car policy.
You accept their cheaper quote and move on.
When you sell that first car you MUST send the mirroring insurance company your no claims from the cancelled policy.
When I sold my last Beetle, I had no idea and didn’t send them any proof of no claims. They never asked for it as they say, they assumed I still owned the first Beetle.
They will not add the mirrored no claims bonus to the 3 years that I gained with them.
After driving carefully for 26 years I have 3 years no claims to show for it. I’ve paid for protected no claims all of my life.
For nothing.
It would cost them NOTHING to add the years together on one letter. Hey I’d even pay them and admin fee to do it.
Computer says no.
I put in an official complaint which was answered in 15 minutes (it takes longer to get through to them on the phone).
Manager escalated to Manager and escalated to Underwriter.
Computer says no.
Gone.
My Bertie Beetle insurance will double.
I should have read the small print they told me.
All my fault.
So I missed out on a lovely evening swim with Ellison tonight as I argued (very politely I should say) with the insurance company.
I did, however, make it to Kinisi-flow in the village hall. It was lovely and I forgot my irritation for an hour or so.
I’ll get over it.
I’ll never do it again.
Sorry for the moan.
It’s been a beautiful day today. Blue skies. I got sat out at lunchtime and it was lovely.
I’ve wasted too much time on insurance.
One last thing is to find a new policy with my 3 years no claims and be done with it.
It’s 7.07pm and I’m sitting in front of the tv bonding with Khaleesi.
Bless her wee cotton socks. She’s such a sweetie!
I had another great sleep last night, we went up around 8.30pm. Back to early nights. I know I would have more energy if I did some more exercise but I can’t quite bring myself to do it.
I got up at 5.30 as Khaleesi wanted downstairs to see Craig. I got the dog food out the fridge and defrosted it in the sink as I had my shower… served it all up ready for the OG3 to come running down the stairs.
I fed Khaleesi.
I had 5 bags to take to the Cancer Research shop after work and Craig and I loaded them in to the back of the car.
By the time I headed back into the kitchen, all 3 bowls had been decimated!
I love how confused I was by that.
Really confused and couldn’t understand it until Khaleesi puppy nudged my leg!
Counter surfing is not something we’ve had to deal with much is as our 3 don’t have long legs…. 😂 lesson learned Mrs Four Breakfasts won’t get that chance again. 🤦🏻♀️😂🫶🏼
My drive to work was lovely…. Not having to watch for any potholes in the road is quite relaxing.
Last night I’d gone through all the Bertie paperwork and found that all the recent service and MOT was missing. I emailed the garage.
Pretty much first thing this morning they sent up all the paperwork and proved the car had been MOT’d and is due at the end of August 2024. Result. I’m really pleased as I was staring to think they had made it up…. Oh me of little faith.
I also had to use the wipers for the first time today and they were dragging really badly across the windscreen. So I messaged and asked for a new set to be sent up.
Boom they are sending them up!
The not such great news centres around the insurance. The no claims bonus.
Abbie’s insurance will only prove 3 years no claims. They say that when I took out the policy, they mirrored my no claims bonus that I had with my old Beetle. I bought the van in June 2020 with my redundancy and didn’t sell the old Beetle until October 2020.
I very vaguely remember this. At no point in time, in the discussion, did they warn me that I’d lose 23 years of no claims.
Currently I have lost 23 years of no claims.
I have to say that I don’t feel anywhere near as bad as I would have in the past.
I am irritated by the injustice of it. I still have a couple of avenues to follow up but it really isn’t the end of the world. It’s only a little infuriating. Jeez, what has happened to me?! I love it.
I feel calm about working every angle to resolve it. I don’t feel panicked about it. If the worst comes to the worst, I have to pay more money for my insurance. That’s not good, but it is ok, if that’s what need to happen.
I went home via Cancer Research and dropped off the 5 bags. I used to be sooooo anxious about doing that. Today… drive there… park… take them in… wee chat… back out… drive away. Easy.
I’ve folded away washing, done a poo pick, tidied the kitchen, filled the bins, put the blue cardboard bin out and cuddled with Leesi puppy since I got home.
As I cuddle her the other come up to sniff and say hello. I’m so proud of the way Craig managed their introduction. He’s done a great job.
The sky is lovely tonight.
That’s taken me 45 minutes to write and she’s still here.
Ok so yesterday I had 3 caffeine coffees, 3 alcohol free beers and a 0% gin and slimline tonic…. And I slept like a LOG. Go figure?!?
I had the best sleep. I went to bed really early, about 9pm and read for a bit. Maybe that helped. Who knows?!?
So up and out early with the OG3 this morning. Still resting Khaleesi’s injuries after a couple of big walks earlier this week.
It’s still hot but no sun this morning. interesting cloud cover.
We met Lindsay and Euan at Kilbirnie Loch at 10am this morning. We are so lucky to have this within 10 minutes of the house. We are even more lucky that they have leant us their lovely big, red canoe.
They both had kayaks and Craig and I shared the canoe. 🛶
Now I’ll be honest and say I’ve enhanced this photo a bit but Kilbirnie Loch has blue/green algae at the moment. If it wasn’t so dangerous to dogs, it could be considered quite pretty!
Ready for the off!
I love the luminescence of the green against the water.
At precisely this point in time my Co-pilot (who am I kidding…. Pilot!) reminded me to put down my phone and start paddling 🛶
It was SOOOO calm. Just the most peaceful thing in the world. Out there on the water having laughs with Lindsay and Euan.
They are excellent kayakers.
We are so grateful that they have lent us their canoe 🛶 to try.
Seeing the loch from the water is really lovely. Opens up a whole new world. I have always wanted to kayak around Scotland and Craig is loving the canoe.
Too much chat, not enough paddle 😂
I think these look like a heart beat!
It was so calm, still and peaceful. Just the paddles splashing and the chat and laughter.
Next thing we know, we are heading in here!!
This was just so beautiful and so unusual for us, we’ve never done anything like this before. It was so much fun!
We all have to turn round as the river got shallower further up. I have to say that Craig did all the pilot work and just told me what to do and I actually listened. Check me!
It went surprisingly well considering we are novices.
A wee bit too much photography again 😂
The sky is really moody.
There is a heron flying through this shot but it’s too dark and moody to see properly… the sky that is, not the heron!!
Then we pulled into the waters edge and had tea, coffee and cake!! Lindsay was super organised with her Jetboil, even had a choice of teas!
It was so lovely to stop and look around for a bit (as if I hadn’t been doing that already!!)
Here comes the train!!
Lindsay and Euan swapped kayaks out in the middle of the water. Super impressive.
Euan then did some spinning!!
Craig and I just kept on paddling 😂🛶
Some more of the blue/green algae.
This old walkway has mostly disintegrated now, really sad it wasn’t looked after.
And back to where we started.
Such a lovely morning and still had the whole afternoon to write this!!! That’s how long it takes sometimes when you have so many lovely photos 😂
Hope you’ve had a great weekend and all the best for another lovely week ahead!
Wide awake at 4.45 this morning. I slept really well, just woke up early and stayed awake.
It was back to normal this morning for a Saturday, just me and the three degrees!
It was warm but misty and cloudy all day here! Mum just messaged to say they had a glorious day and they’re only an hour and a half away.
I just need to say that Craig cleaned our windows today and oh my word, I can see the whole street!!!! We live on a main road and only a pavement between the windows and the road. You are aware they are deity and need cleaned but the clean windows are a total revelation!!!
He also brought some beautiful flowers from the garden and put them in a vase.
After dog walk I was up and out to Braehead Shopping Centre. I had in in my head I need another pair of trousers.
This is me in my own clothes. The combat trousers are actually a size too big now and they look ok but are not comfy to wear.
I tried on these black joggies but I tried on the size too small. Size 12 M&S combats fit me but size 12 joggies felt a bit too tight.
Still too tight even with a black t shirt 😂
I still love these camouflage combats but I know that I won’t get enough wear out them.
Like the style of these but I’m not an animal print guy.
I could get them in another colour maybe.
Tried on the joggies in the right size and decided they were good to go!!
I had a wander round the shops and got a text to ask if I was free to help support the judges at the Gateside Horticultural Society Flower Show…. I was a half hour away. I was pretty much done with shopping so came home.
They didn’t need me! 😂😂
So I did housework instead. Once again we had STUFF everywhere so I put all of the stuff back to where I belongs.
At 2pm I popped in to pick Claire up and we headed over to the village school for the first part of the Horticultural Show.
Check the size of this cabbage…. Hand for reference!!! This was grown by my neighbour 4 doors away from my house. I couldn’t believe it. It’s massive.
We then headed back down to the village hall and saw all the flowers.
They are absolutely stunning.
Some of my neighbours entered this. I love the flowers and the card. It didn’t win a prize but was lovely.
I had a lovely wee cream tea with Claire and chatted to some older neighbours that I haven’t probably seen since last year. Lovely chats. They all said it was nice to see the youngsters involved yet someone did ask me if I was “still” working… I panicked silently thinking they thought I was at retirement age 🤦🏻♀️😂😂😂
So in other news, the Scottish Dog Behaviourist page is doing really well and gained another 150 FB followers overnight as a result of a Khaleesi and Calaidh video clip he shared.
I remember when we were counting and were chuffed when he got up to 50!
I’m so proud of everything he’s achieved. I’ll share the clip so you can see them!
It’s been a scorcher today. What a truly beautiful day. ☀️☀️☀️
I’m so lucky to have had the day off work to enjoy it.
I had a dreadful sleep. I was going to call the blog… “can Tiramisu really keep you awake?!?” 😂
I have no idea what did keep me awake. I had half a bottle of alcohol free Kopparberg and some Tiramisu with dinner last night. This was me for most of the night….
Wide awake!!!!
The bedroom was hot which didn’t help. Someone may or may not have been snoring but shall remain nameless 😂
I moved downstairs at midnight and tried to sleep under a crochet blanket. It was much cooler and I did sleep, I know this because I then woke up cold! Figures.
So traipsed back upstairs to bed for a few hours. Eventually got up at 7.
Check Craig’s new T-shirt that says MAL-IN-WAH (Khaleesi is a Malinois in case that doesn’t make sense to you!!)
Safe to say that’s she’s settling in great.
We had some freshly ground coffee(it sounds so lovely when you say it like that!) and then decided to take the FOUR dogs out for a walk.
FOUR…..
For the first time.
And it actually went very well.
As I said, it’s a beautiful morning, it’s hot. I have shorts and a vest top on at 8am. That doesn’t happen often up here. (Sometimes I write like we are in the North Pole… 😂😂)
I should say here, Craig was with me. No way on this earth I’m doing 4 by myself.
Khaleesi thought it was cold and wet when she heard she was coming to Scotland. 🏴 it’s almost been the best weather all year this week. What a great way to get her used to the climate.
Here she is looking positively tropical on her outdoor bed!
When I got back I crossed lots of things off my list.
Called to reschedule my Breast Screening Clinic appointment which is the day before we go on holiday, right in the middle of the day and in the opposite direction to work! I changed it to the same day at 9am so at least I’m not out of work for a huge chunk of the day.
I hung out the washing.
I sorted all the stuff that I took out of Abbie the Campervan and decided what will go back into Bertie Beeetle…. Which is precious little to be fair 😂😂 tried to find a home for the rest.
I picked up my HRT prescription, ordered in the nick of time as I’d used my last patch.
I posted jeans I sold on Vinted.
I went to the little gift shop to see Gayle and bought ANOTHER Christmas present.
Who actually am I these days?!?
I went to Tesco and did a food shopping to cover the weekend.
Spectrum Windows came to have a look at the patio doors at the back of the house as the locks are being temperamental.
Craig came home at lunchtime and suggested Mocha Jak’s with Khaleesi. Now I should say that I bought plenty for lunch but I am NEVER gonna say not to a coffee shop!! Also think that he likes the fact that Khaleesi was found at a coffee shop. (
Actually I’ll do a link to his FB post from yesterday, telling her story)
It feels a lot hotter than this to be honest. There’s not a breath. We were sitting outside after work and had to come in as there are midges in our back garden?!?! We NEVER get midges!!
So yeah…. Didn’t have the best sleep last night. Woke at 4am and couldn’t get back to sleep. I stopped eating too early yesterday, after a big fast the day before so I think I was hungry. I still managed through until lunchtime but I’m having dinner tonight. You can’t survive on nothing. I’ve lost 3 lbs this week thought!
I had such a lovely drive to work today.
Being in a Beetle will take a bit of getting used to as I’m so close to the ground, I feel a bit vulnerable. Also at some junctions I can’t see over the long grass!! I used to see over everything!
I also filled up with fuel and it only cost me £75 to fill the tank. It used to cost me over £100 to fill the van so I hope I start to see a difference there.
Work was busy but we got a lot done. It was a good doing day.
There not much else to report really…. Khaleesi is settling in well. She’s sitting beside me just now.
That’s me at the weekend now, woop, woop!! 3 days off. Despite a wee wobble on Tuesday morning, I’ve had a really good week. I can see myself letting things go that would usually be a trigger to worry.
I feel very laid back and calm. This has been a week filled with huge changes and rather than fall apart, I have embraced them all.
Check. Me.
Khaleesi sporting her new collar. Makes her one of the gang. Calaidh’s is purple and pink, Bhru’s green, Freya’s is grey but they’re all the same style.
Thankfully this heat cools right down in the evening so it’s easy to get to sleep.
It’s been a scorcher today. Walking out of the portacabin at work feels like us Scots walking off the plane when we’ve flown abroad on holiday.
Craig’s sent me this just before 9am.
He had to take delivery as I was at work.
Then he had to take Khaleesi to the vets in the car before I’ve even been in it!!
I did say I hope she hoovered up after herself. 🤦🏻♀️😂
I took her (Bertie, no Khaleesi!) for a drive when I got home from work…. Wow those brakes are good… we just about went through the windscreen every time I touched them! It’s a different colour than I expected but I really like it. I thought it was electric blue but it’s more petrol coloured.
When I was younger I’d have wanted to go every where in my new car but now I’m more like….. hmmm I have a nice new car now off to sit in the scorching sunshine.
It is scorching hot today! This isn’t just quite hot for Scotland, it’s hot for a Scottish person on summer holiday, hot!! I think it’s been up to 22-24°C today. It was cloudy and cool first thing but got hot just before lunch when the sun came out. There’s barely a breath of wind. It’s lovely.
Now that I have wheels I’ll be able to go places after work but it’s been quite a week for us. If you think about the law of attraction, if you believe in that at all… then how funny that I sold the van and bought a car and was able to use Craig’s when he was off spending time with the dogs. We could never have planned that to work. He’s here to receive the car rather than me having to shuffle days off and he’s back to work tomorrow. It’s all been perfect timing. Things are panning out like that for me a lot just now.
The other thing this week was winning the Body Shop advent calendar. I had a Marks & Spencer one last year, which I was given for my 50th. I loved it. I wanted another one for this year but thought they were awful expensive to buy for yourself. Next thing you know, I’ve won one!
I was sooooo terrified of selling the van…. Yet I found someone who bought into me as a person. She bought it and paid 90% of it and still hasn’t even seen it.
I am very much in the present moment at the moment and going with the flow. A wee hiccup yesterday where I was worried about the dogs but it didn’t last long. I keep coming back to “what will be will be”.
The dogs seem a bit less alert to each other today. Everyone seems to be settling down s bit. Maybe I am…. 😆🫶🏼
Incidentally I fasted for over 22 hours today really by chance. I know that scares people a lot but I really feel great for it. It’s not like I’m going to waste away anytime soon!
Fasting is quite addictive for me as it’s the one way I’ve been able to control my calorie intake. I had a huge lunch yesterday and some biscuits at 2.15pm and when I got home I just want hungry at all so I didn’t eat anything until lunchtime today.
I’m averaging just shy of 18! Hours a day though my target is 16 hours a day.
So all in all a life changing week so far, in scorching sunshine which is surprising.
I haven’t taken any other photos of Bertie Beetle today either, I must be slacking. I’ll get one before crochet.
I did and here they are!
I’m off to meet the Hookers in half an hour. Hope we can get some time in the beer garden before the sun disappears behind a house!
Here’s Khaleesi this morning before I left for work.
We were all knackered. We had Khaleesi and she didn’t crack a light apart from breathe all night. It does wake you up having a second monster in the bed every time you roll over though.
I am still shattered today and I’ve yawned a lot. Proper non stop yawning. Energy changing.
It’s been a stunningly beautiful day. Pure blue skies the whole time. And hot. It was so lovely to sit outside at lunch.
I was a bit emotional before work today and there were a few tears. Can only think it’s the hormones and the changes that we are all going through at the moment.
I feel anxious that I just want Khaleesi to have the best life as she’s been through so much but rather than me assuming it will be easy, my head looks for all the reasons it might not be. Four dogs is a huge commitment.
We will all get used to each other. I’m just worried I do the wrong thing or say the wrong thing to them.
Craig is so brilliant with them. Khaleesi now wants to play and be a part of the gang.
Craig took her to Mocha JaKs today. She met some cows and sheep along the way. It gets her used to different sights and smells and Scottish coffee shapes. She used to go to the Bhuddist Temple coffee shop in Spain. She was found lying outside a coffee shop when she was rescued.
Work was so busy I felt a bit out of control. Constant yawning didn’t help.
I’ve been to the Kinisi-flow class, with Gayle, in the village hall and I feel so much better after it. Much more relaxed. I’m still yawning!
I was up at 5.20am. Showered, lunch made and out with the dogs by 5.45
A last pose in the garden before 3 became 4.
Holly next door kindly let them out mid morning and Craig was home with Khaleesi by 12.30pm. He made great time having left at 5am.
Work was crazy busy. The sun brought everyone out. At one point we had 4 lots of people waiting to speak to someone. I sat down outside for lunch and was interrupted twice! Don’t get me wrong, that’s what we’re there for, I’m not complaining it was just THAT busy.
So virtually no work done today other than to add to the list of things to be done.
In the background…..
I’ve almost run out of HRT meds so had to call the doc re a repeat prescription
The company I’m buying the car from hasn’t sent through the paperwork so I had to chase that
When they did send it through they then chased me twice to sign it, don’t they know how busy I was!!?
When I finally tried to sign it a bit wasn’t right so had to get them to change it
They chased for the payment again
Then I had to try and change my existing van insurance over to the car and their system was done so I had to call back
All the while Craig is travelling home with Khaleesi and sending me photos and videos of their progress
As I said, what a day!
We are all out in the garden, it’s been a scorcher!!
We are watching the dogs find their way around each other. Here I am saying hello.
Calaidh and Khaleesi are starting to play together. Bhru and Freya are more wary but that will come.
She loves Craig!
He’s been working relentlessly with the 4 of them. Integration into a pack of 3 has to be managed.
So not as relaxed an evening as it could be but I’m managing things way better than I would have in the past. I’m letting things wash over me in a way that makes me very proud. Despite the chaos of the day, I’ve laughed at it and things have fallen into place.
Another busy but lovely day off. Craig actually had to wake me and ask me to roll over last night which suggests I may have been snoring?!?
Moi?!?! 😳
Couldn’t possibly be true.
His alarm went off at 5am. I knew I wouldn’t get back to sleep so got up about 5.30 and made coffee. The grindy bean kind ☕️
We sat and chatted for an hour or so then Craig set off bound for Potters Bar, north of London.
It’s a long drive.
He was meant to be meeting Tito The Transpawter between 3 and 5pm so he had to be down there for 3pm, just in case, which he was.
Unfortunately, due to delays in France, they didn’t make the ferry, from France, until 3pm so they are now meeting at 8.30pm.
Thankfully Craig has checked in to a hotel so he was able to get some rest and a shower. It does mean he’ll have to drive home in Monday morning traffic.
On the plus side, it gives him time to spend with Khaleesi as she’s been travelling since Friday morning. Poor little poppet. I feel so sad when I think what she’s going through. We have to make her stay here extra special for the next few days to make up for it. Here he is saying goodbye to the pups!
I set off with hoddit, doddit and ploddit at 7am when Craig left.
Love this tree 🌲
Something serious to sniff here!
It’s much cooler than yesterday.
Bhru looking for sheep 🐑 😂
Lots of cows this morning instead! Finding cows instead!
Gateside village was looking lovely in the sun this morning.
I really loved this next shot.
In our excitement leaving the house this morning, I had forgotten poo bags…. I had to retrace my steps to pick up two poos… not a lovely subject but important to say that I did retrace my steps when I’d forgotten to take them with me!
We passed this next field twice this morning and it’s never cut for silage…. It has been this year. This is about 500yards from the back of our house. I did wonder what the noise was yesterday…. They must have been cutting this field.
I did two loads of washing and hung it up and got showered and ready to head to Braehead Shopping Centre with Gayle.
I forgot to get a pic of us!
We tried on lots of trousers in M&S! I didn’t buy any of them.
It’s fun trying them on though!
We had a lovely lunch in Starbucks and a good wander around the shops until we both hit a wall. I was shattered.
Oh I got some magnesium for my aches and pains. The really helpful guy in Holland & Barrett said it would start working in a couple of days. Fingers crossed as I feel really stiff and sore just now… probably lack of exercise, I know!
When I got home I took the dogs up the hill to the field for a big run about.
That back fired as the farmer was hay baking…
They only got one big run and I had to put them straight back on the lead. Was fascinating to be so close to the baler though.
Since then I’ve made a lovely salad for dinner, thrown balls for the dogs in the back garden and read a magazine that Holly next door gave me.
I’m determined to stay awake to see that Craig has Khaleesi.
Exciting times!
I need to get a lift to work tomorrow as I’m van-less and car-less and husband-less in the morning. I need to be up and out with the dogs and potentially starting work by 7am. I might be asleep at my desk by 11 😂
It’s 3pm and I have hit a wall….. I’ve been on the go since 7am with dog walks, housework and decking staining.
To be fair I also did it all while I was fasting so I think I got a wee bit too weak and had to stop for some food. That was an hour ago and I’m only just starting to feel a bit stronger now.
It is a BEAUTIFUL day up here today. It’s calm and sunny.
Only a gentle breeze… and as I say that the sun goes behind a cloud 😂
This is a fairly mundane day compared to all the excitement of yesterday.
Khaleesi is still travelling up through Spain and France. She should be in the UK sometime late afternoon tomorrow.
Tito The Transpawter said his wife wanted to keep her because she was such a sweet girl. I think she stayed at his house overnight.
So this is me off out with the OG trio this morning.
Every time I take the phone out, Freya turns round to say hi.
There was even a big of a dog jog today! Been a while.
Freya looking back at me, is quite a new thing. It makes me smile. It’s like she’s checking up on me! 🫶🏼
As I blitz the house, these 3 seem to be on canoe guard duty.
I go to hang washing out and they are still at it, just facing down the garden! 😂
By 11.30 I can put it off no longer. Craig bought the decking stain and pads…. It seems unfair to leave it for him finishing work, when he has so much on this weekend.
I officially hate staining decking.
I am so sore by the time I finish it. I am only 50 and 3/4 and everything hurts, way more than I think it should.
I have another full coat today that I can start in precisely 25 minutes. The price I pay for a wonderful day yesterday. 😂
It really does look so good though and I’m so proud of myself for doing it.
Craig comes home to find me lying flat out on the grass, trying to stretch my aching muscles. His jokes about the second coat almost result in World War III.
To be fair to him he left a perfectly happy wife at home and had no idea he was returning to the she-devil from hell.
I laughed at that. I’m prone to exaggeration for comedic effect. He may beg to differ.
I’m now in a deckchair counting the minutes until I can relax. I’m not one of those people that can just leave it until tomorrow. I need the decking staining out of my life for good. As soon as. 😂
It’s 5.36pm and I am done.
The second coat was easier as “Mr Here’s How You Should Have Been Doing It” saved the day. A lot more decking oil and a lot less scrubbing. He did save the day but why does that annoy me so much?! 🤦🏻♀️😂
I’ve learned another lesson today. Stay well out of my way when I’m doing a job I don’t want to do. Simples. 😂
Ok so I’m still a work in progress and there are things I could do better at. I will try to remember “Mrs Sweetness and Light” the next time I’m exhausted doing something I don’t want to do. The fact that I know I’m the one in the wrong is a very good start. 😂
I’m going to celebrate with a frozen bottle of Nozeco as someone put it in the freezer…. 😬 it’s actually really lovely but the pic was more about the decking.
I am pretty damn proud of myself for doing all that, even if every part of me aches!
And relax.
Khaleesi is now in French France 🇫🇷 and was out for a walk on a beach. She was a good girl and got back in her bed for the next part of the trip. I just snapshot this from a video Tito sent.
Craig is away at very, very early o’clock in the morning so we’ll definitely be having an early night.
Some days just sail on by and some days make their mark with some real life changing decisions.
Today is one of those days. 1st September 2023 (can’t actually believe it’s September).
So Abbie the Campervan is sold. There were tears this morning as I realised I can’t get to work on Monday as Craig is away so figured I’d have to hire a car for a week.
My anxiety was on overdrive as Craig was helping me look for a car and all I heard was “what do you want what do you want what do you want what do you want it depends what you want!” That is certainly not what he really said. My head is screaming I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WANT!!!!
I had my heart set on a Caddy so that I could make it into a Campervan and “keep my camping oar in” as it were.
Craig told me last week that wasn’t the best idea but I was adamant. It’s only since last night that I clicked that a car was really what I needed, but what kind?!?
Decisions, decisions. When you suffer from anxiety these are not exciting times, not fun decisions to be making. Your head doesn’t think straight it makes lots of noise and panic and doomsday scenarios. Really it just needs to calm the f down and start thinking straight.
I love that in the midst of all this drama I actually found the perfect car before 8.30am. The garage called at 8.40. They will deliver. One years’ warranty.
Meet Bertie the Beetle!
I’m not sure that I ever was a namer of cars and yet here I am, naming another car. 🙋🏻♀️
I had a VW Beetle before I got Abbie the Campervan so I know it’s a great drive. Although she’s called Bertie, I’m not sure my car will ever be a boy 🤦🏻♀️ 😂😂 anything goes these days!
Here’s my old one.
So in other HUGE news …..
You may need to sit down……
As if we don’t have enough dogs already… we are getting another dog.
There. I said it. It’s out there.
This is Khaleesi….. and Craig first met her when he was out in Spain to look after her and 4 other dogs.
She was a rescue and was badly injured and walks with a limp. Jo, her owner, took her on and loved her back to health. Jo is moving back to the UK and her lifestyle does not suit Khaleesi’s injuries so she is heartbroken at having to re home her.
Craig messaged me about a month ago when Jo asked someone to take her.
I agreed that he could message her, as a back up, as he loved her so much. I didn’t think for one minute that Jo would want her to leave Spain.
Within an hour of his initial message to me… Khaleesi was coming to Scotland!!! 😳
Craig is so excited about having her. I knew he thought she was very special. She can’t get a lot of exercise due to her injuries the poor wee soul. I can’t wait to meet her and have lots of cuddles.
I told Craig I will still have to be able to get out and do my travels and he’s said that was ok.
Deal.
She left Spain this morning with Tito The Transpawter…. About exactly the same time I put down a deposit on Bertie. It’s all happening.
And the days does not end there my lovelies…. 😂
I took Bhru and Freya for a walk and then had a photoshoot with the 3 OG puppers.
Craig has pressure washed all of the grass and decking ready for Khaleesi’s arrival. It’s looking amazing.
We just need to stain the decking but it didn’t dry enough today.
It’s not even 11am by this time.
I went out for lunch with Crochet Hooker Evelyn as a 50th birthday treat!! Still milking that 2 months before my 51st 🤦🏻♀️😂
Had a lovely lunch at Mocha JaK’s and great chats. Forgot to take a pic but did take my lunch. Avocado Stack. Yum. Thanks Evelyn!
She dropped me at The little gift shop as I was going to treat myself to a new bag for my holidays. I had a great chat with Gayle AND…… started my Christmas shopping!!!!!!!
Me.
Christmas shopping in September?!?!
Who even am I anymore?!?
She who scoffs at anyone who buys a Christmas gift before November!!
I walked back up the road and the only negative of the day is that my bunion is gowping.
Awfy sore body part. 😪
So, I’m walking home and Craig’s car drives past me…. With a canoe on his roof.
As you do.
😵💫
To be fair he had been out canoeing with our friend Euan… I just did not expect him to come home with one. 🛶
What’s this mum?!?!
Nothing surprises me anymore! 😬
Except that then I found out that I’ve won a Body Shop advent calendar as my friend Gemma ran a prize draw on her a Body Shop page.
What a day!!!!
I don’t think I can even keep up with my life just now.
Abbie the Campervan is parked up until maybe the end of September before she can be collected. By tonight I will have enough money for my new car…. All from a lovely lady who hasn’t even seen the van yet. I was terrified that I couldn’t sell the van and I found someone just like me, to buy her.
This has taken me way too long to write so I’m going to relax after all this excitement.
I got to bed about midnight last night and managed about 5 hours sleep. My alcohol free head has felt hungover all day… that’s very unfair. Shows how much of a hangover is actually sleep deprivation!
Was lovely to see do many neighbours out on their glad-rags last night! Megan was stunning and Stewart is a very handsome lad! It was lovely to be a part of their day.
I shockingly didn’t get any other photos other thank a lovely shot of the twinkling hall way at Dalduff Farm.
AND despite my best intentions, I completely lost track of time and forgot all about the blue moon that was due between 8.19 and 8.25.
I missed the “once in a blue moon”. 😆
I did get photos of the moon when we left.
So up this morning and out super early to get to Tartan to wash Abbie the Campervan in time for her 3.30pm viewing.
By 8.51am they said they weren’t coming. 😳
I am SO proud of the way I handled that whole thing. I love when I am so aware of my lack of reaction to something. I’d upset the lovely lady who had made the offer for Abbie. She spent the evening talking herself out of it. I’d been stressed and late leaving the house for the wedding last night, k thought about it a lot. I’d gone against my gut feel for some more money.
As soon as I knew the others weren’t coming, I was pleased instead of raging, as I knew my gut feel has been right. I wanted to accept her offer last night and leave it there but I took the advice to wait for more.
Of course I would have got more for the van if they’d wanted her but hey… in my life now, a gut feel is really important. I trust my own intuition 100%, I may just question it a lot but it’s only because I still don’t trust my own opinion above others.
So I messaged the lovely lady straight back and through the course of the day she paid me a good deposit!! I have no idea when she’s coming to get her but I drove like Miss Daisy tonight…. I must investigate that saying, I use it too much!
So I’m sitting at Silverburn Shopping Centre now waiting on Lea as we’re meeting for coffee tonight. The sun is shining so I’m sitting outside on a bench instead of going in.
As usual writing this I feel relaxed and calm.
I’ve sold Abbie the Campervan. The end of an era but the start of something exciting for me, like what on earth will I buy next?!?
I thought it would be a VW Caddy so I could still camp but I honestly think my mind might be changing…. Back to a normal car, with reversing sensors and all the mod cons. Hmmmm food for thought!!
Wow, so much has happened in one day! A great day at work but I feel a bit all over the place flying out the door running late for Megan and Stewart’s wedding.
I tried to get home as quickly as I could but everything seemed to happen at 3.50pm!
I have an slightly lower offer than I wanted on Abbie the Campervan from a lovely couple in Aberdeen. They haven’t seen her but in our chats backwards and forwards, she thinks I’m awesome. Isn’t that lovely.
I’ve been very truthful about the crack in the bumper (but expensive reversing camera as a result!) and a couple of rust spots. I can’t have them coming all the way from Aberdeen and not knowing things like that.
At the same time a girl asked Tartan if she could come and view it at tomorrow, knowing what I actually want.
Arrrrgggghhhhh… a lovely dilemma but it’s a dreadful feeing when you’ve struck up such a rapport with someone but it’s still a business transaction.
So I had all of that to deal with whilst trying to get ready!!
And relax. Craig is driving and I’m getting a minute to breathe!
We really must get rid of the weeds in front of the house!!!
Megan is our local dog groomer at Braw Cuts Dog Grooming and the daughter of our good friends Jim & Fiona from the village. Can’t wait to see them all in their finery!!
And I will try to calm down about van selling tonight…
Would you believe I don’t have much to say today?!?!
Check me.
I slept all night again…. I had another fab sleep. I start progesterone again tomorrow night. Goodness only knows how much I will sleep when I’m back on that… maybe all day. 😆
It was another good day at work. A bit quieter today, a bit less manic for once. Maybe I was a bit less manic. I felt really in control, really clear headed. I felt like the voice of reason today.
Unheard of.
So I’m not gonna write a lot tonight.
I’m going to share a video clip that Craig posted today as I am SOOOOOO proud of him. I think this is super professional and I didn’t even realise it was his voice straight away. I’m so proud of the amount of work he’s doing to build his business.
Hope you enjoy it. Our little Runtie Pup Freya was too cute!
We have a busy day tomorrow. We’re working all day and have Megan and Stewart’s wedding at night. I have to “fly” home from work to get ready and head out to Dalduff Farm in near Maybole which is a fair drive.
I’m fairly certain what I’m wearing but I’ve not looked it out yet. Really should do that tonight!!
Actually today wasn’t really manic at all, I just smiled at that heading. 😁
The English part of the UK had a bank holiday today which meant the Scottish part of the UK got no answers to any phone calls today. 😆. It also means that it was ghostly quiet with no emails etc.
Strangely for a Monday, the phone didn’t go like the clappers either 😂
I had another amazing sleep. You’re sick of hearing that eh?! I don’t know why my sleep is so good just now, usually the 2 weeks off the progesterone is not as good but hey, I’ll take it.
Work went by fast oh and wait until you see what Ellison bought me today…..
MY PHOTOS ON WEE FRIDGE MAGNETS!!!!!
How lovely is that?! I was really touched….. also shows me what is possible with them, if I could have the confidence to do something with them!! That rose just looks stunning.
I had to go for a food shopping after work tonight… I have to say it was not fun. My head was all over the place, I couldn’t think straight at all. I’ve ended up with a whole lot of everything and nothing. It was a last minute thought so no list or plan. Never a good idea.
I came home, put it all away and made dinner and somehow it’s 8pm already!!
Lots of positive quotes first thing this morning so will share some of them.
And this next one… wow wow wow wow and wow!!!
I am in control of my own destiny. There are times when something side swipes me and I forget that but most of the time I know this is 100% true. My problems are my own.
I slept like a log last night. Isn’t it amazing that I can say that almost every other day. I fell asleep on the couch watching a movie at about 9pm and slept for over an hour.
Then I couldn’t wake up this morning. Actually stayed in bed until after 8am this morning. Check me!
We decided on another day in the garden. We started off talking about next years’ holidays….. decisions, decisions. We both agreed we would love to go back to Iceland 🇮🇸 again. So much still to see and do. I also have a list, the length of my arm, of places that I would like to go and see. We mulled that over, over coffee, sitting in the garden.
It’s another nice day, cooler and cloudier but still nice.
Back to the gardening it is!
All of these are the before….. then after.
Then just some after shots that I didn’t take before!
The ground still looks covered in weeds but it’s amazing compared to what it was before. We also had to shore up the giant hydrangea as it’s been falling down with its own weight.
Also my new favourite path taking shape. Still a long way to go with that.
We haven’t spent any real time in the garden this year. I’ve never felt any desire to do gardening for a few years now. I always wanted to be away in the van. It’s been really nice to tidy it all up these last few days. We’re now sitting outside with a fire pit.
I thought the forecast was meant to be lovely but it’s cloudy and cooler now. The fire is toasty!
I did stop for another healthy salad lunch today.
I’m still loving my mixed salads in the big tub. Today was applewood smoked cheese with wafer thin chicken, olives and feta, sun-dried tomatoes and a cheese filled pepper.
Super tasty!
As we sit by the fire-pit, I got back onto the subject of holidays.
I’ve been using the love holidays app recently and went to look at Croatia. It’s one of the warmer places I fancied due to the Game of Thrones filming locations.
We know that Dubrovnik is one of, if not the most, visited cities, in the world. I found a beautiful 3 star hotel, 40 minutes from Dubrovnik and 15 minutes from the airport, in the town of Cavtat.
I found a great deal, the first place I looked and such a stunning location. We’ve booked a week at the end of September 2024!!!
The holiday was only £615 each for bed and breakfast for 7 nights. I thought that was really good. Weather wise we should be past the worst of the heat and we’re away from the crowds too.
Photos are obviously courtesy of love holidays and I have not just jetted out there to take some photos!! I didn’t look at anything else as this just felt perfect. It has 4.5 stars on trip advisor.
The good thing about booking so far in advance is that you get pay it up. This works out at just over £100 a month which is easily doable. Something to really look forward to!!
So I’ve had another great day. I’m calm. I’m happy. I’m excited as I now have two foreign holidays and a wee trip to Devon to look forward to.
I’ve not had much interest in the van but I think the market is slow. I’m not in any rush to sell, so I won’t just give it away, but I am super excited about travelling abroad now and doing something different. I’ve also looked at going back to Edinburgh to meet Mum again and maybe visit Edinburgh Castle. I no longer want to be stuck in a field looking at the rest of a campsite.
Funny how your priorities change. A few people can’t believe I’m selling her, I know this feels right. Camping brought me a whole load of stress, where to book, when to go, what’s the weather looking like, was it dog friendly etc etc. now I can just pack a bag and head off somewhere!! Sounds like a plan!!
Another great sleep but awake at 5am… on a Saturday dammit. I tried to go back to sleep for 2 hours but it wasn’t happening! I finally got up at 7am.
We sat and had a coffee then I got ready to take the dogs out.
It’s actually a lovely morning. It’s warm and sunny… I didn’t realise.
These cows were watching us! 🐮🐮🐮
Lovely blue sky 💙
Big shadows this morning!
The cow guy was making some noise as we walked towards it! went silent for the photo!
Scary moo coo.
So when I got back I got straight into the gardening. I didn’t plan to do any, and the forecast was for rain all day. Thought I may as well be outside since it was warm and dry.
It was proper back breaking stuff. Trying to take as many roots out of the ground as I could. I even moved some plants around, which I may regret, but, the garden at the bottom was very congested. If the moved plants take up the top then great but if not, you couldn’t see them anyway.
When we first moved in here, the back of the garden was fully overgrown. We paid to have it cleared and then put bark down.
Big mistake.
That’s not fair actually, it served its purpose at the time but bark eventually mulches down and becomes mud. We’ve added layer upon layer of bark in order to dry up the mud, but it keeps mulching down.
We have decided to do away with the bark but it’s slow progress. Hoping for as much free artificial grass as we can get.
I found a path that we covered up and have been digging that back out.
It’s slow progress as I get sore hands and arms…. And I do get bored with it!
I’ve been thinking for a good few weeks that I must get back to exercise. I feel guilty for not doing any and I have sag where I haven’t sagged for years.
I need to remember that the dog walk and a full workout in the garden count too! It was a hard slog.
I had a shower and washed mud out my hair and came back out to sit and let my hair dry.
I am shattered. I am silent. I’m not gonna give you the chat of your life tonight. (Think Craig has sussed this already)
I am beyond calm.
I am thinking of nothing. Maybe a nap would have been a good idea.
This is not the best photo but it shows where I was working today.
Another full nights sleep last night. Just bliss…. Up bright and breezy today to get my toes painted and eyebrows done before heading off to Edinburgh to spend the day with Mum.
Mum doesn’t need me to have my eyebrows done and toes painted 😆 but the girl I go to only works a Thursday and Friday, so I’m restricted to those days. She changed my 9.30 appointment to 8.30 which was really lovely of her. We have another wedding on Wednesday night!
So I’m on the 9.12 train from Glengarnock, North Ayrshire to Edinburgh Waverley, via Glasgow Central. It’s been a long time since I got the train and the ticket was £41.40!!! On the grand scheme of things, it’s not that much but I think I expected about £25 😆 times are changing!
For those of you who don’t know, I’m an Edinburgh girl. I was born in Edinburgh at the Simpsons Memorial Maternity Pavilion (I’ve always loved the lilt that has) and grew up in Penicuik about 10 miles south of Edinburgh. I went to Napier University in Edinburgh so it was always my old stomping ground.
Thinking on it, even back then I felt bit different. When everyone was obsessed with going out, partying and drinking, I’d much rather have stayed at home. I did go out but I never really enjoyed it. I think that drinking helped me relax and forget my discomfort and there the story begins…
So back to today, sadly the forecast is pretty wet. It was sunny when I got on the train but spotted this 🌈.
And now it’s raining!
So into Glasgow Central.
Had to hot foot it across Glasgow to Queen Street Station for the Express Train to Edinburgh. It only take 50 minutes.
Nelson Mandela Square a bit wobbly while crossing the road!
Honestly Glasgow feels so alien to me now. We are never in the city anymore. There are people everywhere, obviously. Jeez that’s a bit of a scary selfie in Buchanan Street.
The Edinburgh train is heaving! It’s lovely to see loads of tourists heading to Edinburgh.
I am so excited to be on the train. It feels like a real adventure. I feel like I’m on holiday. This is the station from a bridge above it later on in the day.
Met mum and we walked up Cockburn Street!
Made famous by the Avengers movie.
When I was a teenager I used to get lots of my stuff out a shop at by the bottom called Cockburn Market…. It’s not there anymore 😂😂
We turned up on the Royal Mile and headed up towards Edinburgh Castle. That’s St Giles Cathedral where the Queen lay in state in Scotland before flying back down to London.
This is Deacon Brodies pub that I used to go to in my student days.
Looking back down the Royal Mile. Blue sky!
Thought this was a lovely building almost up at the Castle. The Scottish Whisky Experience.
I didn’t think the Castle Esplanade would be open to the public as the Edinburgh Tattoo scaffolding is all set up. It was but we didn’t get in to the castle as it was fully booked. Never realised that it could be but I guess during the Edinburgh Festival, that would be obvious!
Never going to get a photo without lots of people but thought I was pretty lucky with this!
Looking back down the castle esplanade to the Tattoo seating!
It got really dark!
And then the heavens opened!!!
This piper was really good.
Heading down the Mound to Princes St Gardens. This is the Bank of Scotland…. I want to say Head Office. If it’s not, it should be.
Walking down the steps towards the National Gallery and Princes Street, in the pouring rain.
Lovely view of the Sir Walter Scott Monument.
Think this is the best photo of the day as there were no people in it!
Mum took me to the Scottish Cafe and Restaurant for lunch. It was a lovely treat!
I had a buttery with wild mushrooms and soft cheese. It was really lovely.
Looking over Princes Street Gardens. This is where the Christmas Market is held every year. It’s nice to see it uncovered and green.
The Balmoral Hotel looking very imposing on the East End of Princes Street.
The new St James Shopping Centre… it’s streets ahea of what it was when I was a kid. More designer shops that anything else. It’s a lovely shopping centre but I’m not sure I’d feel the need to rush back.
There’s a lovely view from it, down over Leith and looking out to the Firth of Forth.
We popped into Harvey Nichols… way outta my league! We just did a tour of the escalators. The one pair of trainers I looked at were £595 😳 didn’t like them that much!
Mum headed off to the bus station to catch the bus back to Penicuik and I headed back down to Waverley for the Train to Glasgow Queen Street. It was so lovely to get to spend the day with her and do something different!
I passed the Royal Bank of Scotland on St Andrews Square. It’s been there since I was wee… and obviously a long time before that!
Crossing Princes Street looking west. It’s still really quite dark but dry.
Here’s a tram passing.
Back into Edinburgh Waverley.
It was such a lovely trip. I love being on the train and I’ve enjoyed exploring today almost as much as being on the PS Waverley. 🚢 it was lovely to see Mum as I can’t remember the last time we did something like that.
The train trip went really quickly writing this. I should have been a bit more present in the moment.
I had nothing to write about today. Been putting off putting “pen” to “paper” as I’m a bit bored writing that I had a busy day at work!! I did and I slept really well again… I love a great nights sleep!!
So maybe on day 1234 it’s time for a stat update. You know how I love a stat!
The biggest stat of all 1694 days without alcohol
1244 days since I lost my job due to my anxiety and depression (legally position made redundant)
878 days since I started work at Tartan Campers
740 days without anti-depressants
301 days since I started HRT
247 days since I started daily fasting
The not drinking and lack of anti depressants still blow me away.
If you had ever told me 1695 days ago, that I would stop drinking AND not be managing life without strong antidepressants, I would never have believed you.
I was so unhappy back then. I was busy trying so hard to live a life that was destroying me. I would have changed so much, if I knew then, what I know now. I can’t regret any of that because it gave me the chance to see what I can see now. That life doesn’t have to be lived at 100 miles an hour. That’s you don’t have to make everyone else happy to the detriment of yourself. That I matter.
My opinion matters.
My needs matter.
I count.
I love that I know that now.
I love that I think that.
I love that I really mean that.
I know that I hide from reality sometimes.
I crave alone time and peace.
I love deep and meaningful conversations but since I stopped drinking I just can’t seem to manage small talk.
I have to avoid any subjects that steal my peace.
The news is a complete no-no.
I can’t cope with any drama.
I like life to be simple and calm and peaceful.
It might seem boring to some but I love my new reality.
Craig married a Senior Manager in a suit, makeup and high heels and stood by my side as I made huge decisions that would change our lives forever. I’m so very grateful for his love and support.
I now walk out the door in jeans or tartan joggers and a T-shirt and I’ve never been more comfortable. I mostly don’t care what I look like and hardly ever wear make up.
I can breathe.
I still have bad days.
My anxiety can scream at me at fever pitch when something doesn’t sit right with me.
My fight or flight reflex is still really hard to ignore at times.
I can be the one who says the wrong thing at times. I can overreact. I can snap.
I love exploring all of this through writing The Rambling Sloth. It really helps to try and understand my thoughts, feelings and mood swings.
I am desperate to see more of the world. I’ve always said I want to see every country. I love exploring!
So yeah, it’s been a journey and a half.
I’d like to thank everyone who takes the time to read this. I can’t tell you how much that means. Until you quote it back to me… then I cringe. 🤦🏻♀️😂😂
The Rambling Sloth 🦥 