Healing mental health during COVID-19 times and beyond
Author: Julie
I’m healing from anxiety and depression and exploring my way through a whole new lovely world with an abundance of awareness and a new love for life… and travelling the world!
I’m currently sitting on the couch in my comfies with the first one in the bag and the second a couple of hours away.
Work passed really quickly today! I just had a few last things to finish off and then got the out of office on until 3rd January 2024!
Actually let’s think about that for a minute?!?
2024 how is that even possible?!?! It feels like 3 mins since Y2K!!
The Tartan team went to Harbour Lights in Irvine this afternoon for our Christmas lunch.
The food was amazing. The place was heaving but they served 10 of us at the same time and the food was piping hot. I had a salt and chilli chicken wrap and shared chips with Ellison. No pics of the food as I scoffed it too quickly. 😂😂
Here I am with Ellison and Gemma before all the boys arrived.
Asked boss man to take a photo of the table.
This is what I’m up against….. 🤦🏻♀️😂😘
Here we all are! The team at Tartan HQ. Thankfully someone else stepped in to take it. 📸
A perfect end to a good year for us!
So back home for a quick relax and rest ready to do it all again with the Crochet Hookers!!
We are going to the Boarding House in Howwood tonight for 7pm. We’re meeting in the pub at 6pm for a drink before we head.
Oooh I got a 0% dark rum from my bosses today! Looking forward to trying that this weekend!
Hope you’ve all had a lovely Wednesday.
I’m off up to Perth for a family funeral tomorrow but will get some pics of the Hookers tonight!
Poor Craig was on the couch again last night. I woke at 5.30am and came down to let him get upstairs… of course I gave him the fright of his life when I woke him up 🙄.
I lay on the couch by the light of the tree and read my book. I haven’t read for ages but I’m really enjoying this book I’m reading. Think it’s called The Mother.
Here’s a couple of photos I took last night. Khaleesi looks so cute in the barrel dog bed and Freya is guarding the tree.
Khaleesi is so dark!!! And a whole lot of ears!
She’s so comfy!
I decided to do a stock check at work today. Saves me doing it on the first few days back. I was quite proud of my thought process today.
Yet here was me trying to control everything in advance today. 😂
There was torrential rain before I left work.
There was a strange light to the sky.
And the heavens opened!
I thought I’d show a couple of my Christmas tree decorations. They all mean something to me. This little Santa was on top of a plant my Grandad gave me. He died in 1984.
Our first Christmas together in 2007.
Lockdown dec…. I bought these for a few people for lockdown Christmas.
Craig’s mum bought us a lot of our decorations. This wee snowman is Lladró.
A camper van for obvious reasons 😂
She also bought us this sleigh.
The Forth Rail Bridge.
The new Forth Road Bridge.
This was from my friend Lea. We used to go to Starbucks all the time and had every Christmas thing going 😂
Craig’s mum gave us this on a gift in 2012.
A lovey dovey one I got for Craig one year.
A sloth… obviously 😂
I got this in the little gift shop last year and will always remind me of Gayle.
This was bought in our village in aid of the St Vincent Hospice. A local lady makes loads of these to raise money for the hospice, in memory of her son who died.
Craig’s Grandad was a train driver.
Christmas 2008… it’s engraved on the bell.
Made by our niece in 2011.
Made by our nephew in 2011.
Every year my tree feels full of love and memories. I love that. Now we have the new one from Claire this year that adds to that.
Craig’s home tonight so we’ve had lasagne and it swear it’s his best ever. I say that every time don’t I? 😂😘
I’m relaxing tonight as I have to completely rest myself up for tomorrow. 😂
She who has done nothing Christmassy except sit by the tree every night… has TWO Christmas events tomorrow. We have Tartan Campers Christmas lunch and I have Christmas dinner with the Crochet Hookers.
I got the bed last night while poor sick boy was on the couch.
I woke for a full half hour about 3.30am…. Not sure why but then was dead to the world when the alarm went off.
The rain has finally stopped but I drove through a huge flood on the way to work. It was super foggy this morning too and SO dark!
So you know how was implying that all my ducks were in a row and it feels really good?! First thing this morning a Turkey 🦃 stepped right into the row of ducks.
🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦃
I found out we had a wrong part for a van that we’re due to finish before Christmas. A big part….. that moment where you start to do all the possible checks and find out what went wrong….. the dawning realisation that it was pretty much all me. All my fault.
I call the supplier, do my best to beg and get them to commit to helping me fix it. Then the tsunami hits.
Well there you go again… the minute you think you’ve got your shit together and then slap, (my favourite Blackadder reference), “Percy the devil farts in your face once again”.How can you order the wrong thing? Why would you do that? How did you miss the message to say the “wrong thing” was leaving? How the hell did you miss the invoice where you paid for the wrong thing? Do you actually even try to do your job? The fundamental part of it is making sure you order the right thing…. You’re just shit at what you do.
Seriously….. all of that, and then some, while the tears flow.
I felt SO bad. I hate letting everyone down. I hate making mistakes. I have so many coping mechanisms to make sure I don’t make mistakes and yet I still do.
I had already said, just wait till the last week of the year and I’ll drop some clanger and be the reason we can’t make a big sale.
Eh voila.
Handed to me on a plate.
Exactly the one thing I didn’t want but knew would happen.
I manifested it all.
So, Ellison, with the very wise words, brought me back down to earth… Everybody makes mistakes. Everybody. Including me.
I feel very icky about that.
I make mistakes. I’ve made lots of them. And I will make a lot more.
How do I let myself believe that that is ok?!
Believe in yourself.
I’m a lot better at it but I’ve still a long way to go.
I’m shattered with the drama that I create about it all.
Anyway…. Moving on….
Craig had made a lovely lasagne for dinner so I’ve had that and sat down on the couch to watch a cheesy Christmas romance and chill…. While writing this obviously. The wheelie bin is out.. I’m quite proud of that 😂😂 and I’ve got some housework to do.
I mean where did that title even come from?!? I say it… I cringe but it’s actually very true.
It has not stopped raining all day. Not just a little bit… proper torrential thundering down rain. The sky is grey and pretty much, still seems dark. It never really got light today. It’s fully dark by 4pm if it wasn’t already.
Sooo… where to start…. I slept on the couch last night. Don’t worry there is nothing wrong other than Craig’s cold.
I was desperately trying to get to sleep before him last night.
I think I tried too hard.
I was almost panicking that I got to sleep before him. Nope too late, he’s off. I lay until 11.30 then came downstairs, read some of a book, and settled down by the light of the tree.
I slept from 12 until just before 7. Quite the thing. 🎄
We went to Lidl this morning TOGETHER…. to do a food shop. I could not tell you the last time we did that together. I wanted to go to Aldi but Craig said Lidl was closer. I like the fact both of those shops do more unusual food.
£125 later we head home and of course I have to clean out the fridges (we have two!) before I can put anything away. Another job done….and it feels good.
I’ll let you into a wee secret… we had a carton of Coconut Milk in the fridge that went off on 12th August!!! 😱😱😱
I am still loving the fact that the house is clean. I feel proud of living here rather than being stressed about the mess.
We watched Violent Night and had coffee with scones with cream and jam… or jam and cream?!? How do you do you do yours?!?
I tried it both ways… jam on first and cream on first. They tasted very different. I’m not sure I had a preference… they were all very good and it was far too much!
Violent Night is a great movie. VERY gory but still really Christmassy.
It’s the Scottish League Cup Final today and Rangers are playing Aberdeen and Rangers have just won the game. Craig is cheering, the dogs are barking… it’s all happening.
While he watched, I wrapped more presents and kept popping in and out to see what was going on.
My friend Anne was Mrs Claus across in the village hall this afternoon! She had already stared in the window and scared Craig as he had no idea who it was!! She popped in to say hello on the way home.
My friend Evelyn said she’d have called the polis 😂😂😂 (police!) I laughed out loud at that.
Calaidh’s been on good form today… lots of smiles 🫶🏼
Craig has his Christmas village all lit up.
Here are all my Christmas cuddly toys… Rudolph and Little Ted are my favourites!
Please ignore the mess on the dining table. This used to be our living room until we moved everything around… we still have the lights up on the ceiling. It looks super festive.
Once the football excitement is over I think we’ll have another Christmas movie.
Oh and the Aurora is likely to be visible all around the UK tonight but we’ve not seen the sky all day.
You need to be able to see the stars. Look North. Be in the dark and try to look through your camera on your phone as that’s how I saw it the last time.
Get Aurora spotting.
I only have 2.5 days of work left before the Christmas break. Woo hoo. Holidays are coming!
I may sleep on the couch again tonight. The Christmas tree lights shed a lovely light…. And you can hear a pin drop.
My mood definitely lifted after writing this last night.
It just shows the power of journaling.
We had a fantastic day in the shop today. It was HEAVING. There was a real buzz. Everyone was lovely. It’s such a lovely atmosphere. 🎄🎅🏼
The car was ready at 12.15 so Craig went down to pick up the key. It was only £342… only.
I’ve since read the warranty documents and you have to organise it all through them. I might get the labour back which is something but that’s all.
How typical that something goes wrong that IS actually covered under the policy and I go about it in such way that renders my claim invalid.
What is the point of warranty eh?! Insurance has a way of catching you out at every eventuality.
Hmmm… I’m almost over it.
I came downstairs at 4.50am. I couldn’t get back to sleep so decided to come down to the light of the Christmas tree.
It was so quiet downstairs. The howling wind outside was almost non existent from the living room.
I spent the afternoon doing housework as I’ve not had time to do much these last few weekends. It feels SO good to have cleaned. It really clears my mind.
The old fireplace is still quite a scar on the wall but the tea lights look lovely in it.
I’ve also written all my Christmas cards (finally!) and gone on the Royal Mail app to get them collected at no extra cost. saves me going to a Post Office.
I picked up the last of my presents too. It’s all happening!
I always go from not organised, not in control, hate Christmas to BOOM 💥 DONE!!!
I still have to wrap more but in my clean and tidy house that is ok.
And I still have one more day off work. I don’t feel exhausted, I don’t feel washed out. I feel focussed and calm.
I felt so low yesterday it’s good to feel brighter again.
Oh well I suppose it’s ok to have the odd day when you feel sad after everything was going so well.
The call today from the garage….. the Warranty company will not cover the Beetle being towed to the garage, they will also not cover the parts that my garage has already bought but they will cover the labour.
I just fell flat when I heard that.
It’s not the end of the world.
My inner child threw her hands up in the air, made that “I told you so” face and I had a few wee tears…. In the back of the shop for goodness sake.
I told my garage to go ahead with the repair given that they had the parts and I just want my car back in time for next week.
My inner voice threw all of this at me:
How did my repair garage not know that Warranty companies needed to recover the car to a garage?
You’d think they’d have dealt with warranty before?
When I spoke to the car selling garage on Wednesday, why did they not say call the Warranty company before you call anyone else?
WHY DID YOU NOT STOP TO BREATHE AND READ THE WARRANTY BEFORE YOU DID ANYTHING ELSE?
Because you’re you… you rush into everything, get all excited and don’t read the details
Everyone else would have read the details
Then the repair garage said they’d already bought the parts…. The warranty won’t cover that as THEY want to buy the parts and send them out. My garage said that will take ages, won’t get the car back before Christmas most likely. So I say just go ahead.
Why didn’t I just tell them to send the parts back and wait, would have saved money?
Why did I rush in… in the huff and say just go ahead with the repair?
Because I felt I’d lost the fight already so I just gave in.
I don’t have the energy to fight something where they all tell me in a sad voice that really… I should have read the small print.
So yeah, already done this to death… the worst case scenario is that I need to pay for the recovery and the parts. It’s not the end of the world.
I just struggle when things seem so unfair.
Still not the end of the world.
I think my inner ego is just looking for an excuse to feel sad.
So despite that, we had a lovely day in the shop today. It’s super busy and festive.
Gayle always helps me sort my head out. Lots of chat with customers who have finished their Christmas shopping and those who say they’re not organised at all.
I made good progress last night. I wrapped most of the presents I have bought already. I ordered some things that I hadn’t got yet. I wrote a list of the people I still have to buy for. I write some Christmas cards. I was pleased that I finally made a start. It made me realise I didn’t have as much to do as I assumed. The overwhelming mountain in my head was now a short list.
So I have my feet up, next to the lovely Christmas tree and after writing this I don’t feel as sad as I did. My reactions make more sense to me.
It’s ok to be mad at stuff like that. It’s ok to be a bit sad. Sit with it, feel it, let it be and let us pass.
I’ll leave you with the lovely flowers I sent to Mum and Dad, who now both have COVID for the very first time. I’m so pleased with them…. The flowers, not mum and dad for having COVID obviously. I sent them with Bloom and Wild, who send the flowers by post. They were due on Saturday but arrived today.
We are fast approaching the longest day and it’s soooo dark. I’m ready for some summer already.
I do love the dark night with a Christmas tree on but I keep lounging about instead of “getting things done”.
Now I’m all for doing what I want rather than what I “should” do but there comes a time that there are things I HAVE to do.
I only have Saturday afternoon and Sunday off and I have to finally think about who I need to buy for and actually get it done.
JUST DO IT.
STOP PROCRASTINATING!!
It will feel so much better when I do it.
So it’s the Rangers game on TV tonight so I’m gonna move through to the dining room and sit and wrap what I have. If I say it here I have to do it. 😆
I had a lovely salad for lunch today. I thought it looked pretty in the tub. It tasted good too.
Then about half an hour later, Bertie Beetle got carted off by the garage!
Fingers crossed I have it back by Saturday.
Poor sick-ill Craigie had to drop me off and pick me up today. He’s still loaded with the cold but managing to work through it today.
There is a tree I drive under every day that’s so picturesque….. I was almost under it today when I thought to snap a quick photo… doesn’t do it justice at all!!
Makes for a kind of whacky shot though! I see the most amazing sunrises with this tree silhouetted against it. Not so much today.
I took a wee pic of Tartan’s Christmas tree before I left tonight…. Bless.
The dog food delivery arrived tonight… Calaidh looks enthralled. Stop taking photos and open it mum!!
How times have changed eh?! My mother in law sent this to our group chat today!
Yes you read that right…. My new Bertie Beetle has broken down but thankfully I was close enough to be able to limp it back to work.
I have to go over a good few speed bumps on my daily commute and it’s been making a springing sound for the last week while. A “boing” that I did think should be silent.
I left work and at the first speed bump it crunches. It wasn’t a good noise. I kept going for a few 100 yards and thought nope, I need to get back. A few moments of slight panic when I wasn’t sure whether to park it and leave it or drive it back but I did limp in back to Tartan Campers yard.
Thankfully my boss was still there and offered to run me home. One of the other guys suggested that my car should be under warranty.
I should say here that normally I would be panicking like a panicky thing but no…. Calmly looked up the garage I bought it from… got put through to Service and they checked to make sure I had a warranty and I do!!!
The car is being picked up tomorrow by my own garage and taken there for a warranty repair!! I’m also getting them to look at a part of the windscreen that’s not clearing properly.
I am so chuffed at my reaction. I am so grateful to the great advice AND the lift home.
When I got home I already had bolognese made from last night and just had to whip up the spaghetti and so we had dinner pretty quickly.
Claire popped in to give us the loveliest Christmas gift.
How lovely is this?! A reminder of the year we got Khaleesi. I love things like this. It means so much. A memory and a keepsake forever. so very kind!
So all in all…. I could have had a meltdown tonight…. Thought why me, but actually it just is… it will be sorted and fixed and the two issues I’ve had with the car will be addressed… at no cost to me. A minor inconvenience for a greater good.
Other than that it was another good day. I’m getting through lots of work I’ve been meaning to do for a while and it feels good.
Off in to the pub next door to meet the Hookers in 10 minutes. Looking forward to a quick catch up.
Oh and shout out to my poor Mum who has finally caught COVID for the first time. She’s loaded with the cold but sounds very bright despite it. Dad still hasn’t had it and long may that continue. I’m sure man COVID is way worse that woman COVID 😂
Poor Craigie is also fighting the cold. Get well very soon too. Please. Tomorrow would be good so I can get a lift to work 😂😂
Torrential rain and winds this morning… what a wild drive to work.
I slept really well again. I’m always so grateful of a great sleep.
We watched the Julia Robert’s Netflix movie, Leave the World Behind, last night. It was really good. It was a bit tense in places and I had to cuddle in beside Craig to hide!! It’s well worth a watch though.
So I have no words of wisdom tonight. Another good day for me. No drama, no crisis just a normal day in the life.
Don’t know about anyone else but I’m totally nesting at the moment. I have no desire to do anything when I get home at night, I just want to relax and watch movies.
I made a point tonight of cooking dinner. Just so I could say I’d done sometime.
I made chicken and Mediterranean veg in a pesto pasta and also made a bolognese for the next few nights.
This ended up being a photo of Khaleesi, rather than dinner. 😉
I did plan to put away the washing too but it’s still wet so that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it. 😂
I love these next two….
So here I am, on the couch, beside the Christmas tree, feet up, cosy in our centrally heated house and I’m happy.
Wow I really had to stretch for that title… what else can I say on a regular working day.
I had THE best sleep again… woke up 4 minutes before the alarm…. We’d been in bed from 9.30 too.
Rachel two doors down, has decorated the village hall tree and it looks lovely!
Actually it’s a tinny blip on the horizon in this photo of the village hall looking festive. it’s a lot bigger than it looks here!
There was a lovely sunrise once I got to work.
It’s really strange driving to and from work in total darkness just now.
It’s 6°C today which should be positively tropical compared to the cold spell we’ve had… yet it was cold. I didn’t have all my thermal gear on. I had to take a tin of soup for lunch today and boy, was it rough after all my homemade soup!
I was meant to be off on holiday today for Christmas shopping but have a lovely lady’s funeral on Thursday 21st so had to hold my holiday for that. It’s fine as the day passed quickly with no drama from the Julesie for a change. 😂
The above is so true. It’s just about remembering to change your natural reactions when you respond to something. It’s not always easy but being aware of it is half the battle.
I went to the Aldi after work tonight and it was HEAVING….. I helped a wee lady find the Aldi alternative to Bisto gravy granules and she was so pleased with me. She said she knew she was right to ask me…. She made me smile all the way around the shop. I then looked for her when I found actual Bisto on one of the centre aisles, but I couldn’t see her. I love making those small connections with people I don’t know. Something simple, something nice and we both have a wee smile.
Christmas is a difficult time for so many people.
I’ll tell you I hate Christmas and New Year… but really I don’t have the evidence to back that up anymore. I just think I do.
Please know that any of these numbers are available to you in the UK.
Early December 2019, I was at my lowest ebb… I honestly couldn’t see how I could make it through Christmas and New Year. The pressure to be festive. The pressure to perform. Watching everyone else “appear” happy and festive. Eating, drinking and being merry. I just wanted to cry all the time. I wanted to hide. Not to be seen by anyone.
Thankfully I went to the Doctor as it was so bad and she really listened. She saw the state I had got into and she decided to change my anti-depressants. I could hear the concern in her voice. She booked me the first appointment on the 27th December at 9am so that I knew I was going to see her and give her an update.
Quite honestly I was never going to do anything bad but I felt so low that I just couldn’t see the point of life anymore.
I think it’s important for me to keep talking about that as to see me now you wouldn’t think it.
We have no idea what’s going on in other peoples heads. We have to be kind to everyone we meet.
Christmas doesn’t have to be the matching jammies, the perfect tree, the most nights out. Christmas can be a quiet time too. It is what you make it and not for comparison with others, that look like they have it more together than you do.
Just do what you want and when you want it. Be kind to yourself.
It’s 11.07am and I am sitting on the couch with a freshly ground coffee (decaf!) in my lovely new glass that Claire gave me for my birthday.
We had a lovely evening but didn’t get home until 2am. 😳🤦🏻♀️😬 That’s unheard of for me! I managed to stay awake just long enough to drive home.
So in true Julie fashion, I’ll tell you some of the anxieties behind the lovely night.
We haven’t seen Craig’s mum and step dad for far too long so it was lovely to be going up to see them at their house. It’s always so festive!
This is how big the snowman ⛄️ is!
Craig’s mum always wants to see the dogs and I have HUGE anxiety taking them anywhere. So Craig obviously wants to take the dogs and his mum wants them to come. Am I the only one that thinks that’s a crazy idea?!?!
I always see the worst in them. I grew up with the children should be seen and not heard and I guess I think that my dogs should be the same… which they are most certainly not. They are dogs. (Obviously)
I can’t imagine why anyone would want 4 dogs running around their lovely Christmassy home…. As I write that I actually have a wee tear… how awful is that that I am ashamed of them?!? There’s hair and dirty paws…. I mean it was torrential rain for two solid days…. Then there’s the noise… especially when they get very excited. Four dogs are impossible for me to control in my total control world.
Maybe it’s time to let go of some of that control and relax a wee bit (no shit Sherlock!)
The dogs were amazing. Craig was amazing with them, as usual. ♥️
There’s a pattern in my life…. I expect the worst, worry so much in advance and it’s never as bad as I think. I don’t know that I’m worrying. I just chose the path of least resistance. I feel so much better these days but it’s because I’m avoiding certain things that have the potential to make me feel bad again. Wow wore tears. Honestly I can’t recommend journaling enough…. I had no idea what I was going to write when I sat down and all this profound stuff comes tumbling out.
Look at them…. ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
Craig’s mum had them literally eating right out of her hand. Bless. They followed her around whenever she moved. if you look to the right of her… Princess Cookie the Chihuahua is snuggled on her blanket on the couch! This is the first time Khaleesi has spent any time in anyone’s house. She loved being at her new Gran’s house 🥰
Calaidh and Bhru always love Grans.
We were sure there was someone out there?!?!
Yes the were muddy in the garden but Craig’s mum had a big rug at the back door that caught most of the muddy paws and Doug said any mud hoovers up fine the next day, when it’s dried.
We had a lovely dinner! Silverside roast beef and ALL the trimmings and then some.
Doug & Helen.
Cookie is a little overwhelmed.
She usually follows Calaidh everywhere she goes, but not so much this time. she wasn’t too impressed with Khaleesi joining their gang. She growled at Khaleesi a few times and Leesi got the message and jumped away.. it was quite funny to see. I still managed to get some Cookie cuddles! Tickle my tummy Auntie Julie 😂😂😘
A bit blurry but Calaidh sporting my Christmas cracker hat!!
Bless her.
I then had the anxiety of a foggy drive home in Craig’s mahoosive car at 2am. I used to take stuff like that in my stride. Not so much now. I was so relieved to get home…. Incident free obviously!
So…. This.
I think today is going to be all about the cosy blanket. I’m curled up on the couch with Calaidh at my feet. Bhru and Leesi are over on the other couch and Freya is lying on the floor. I’m so, so proud of them. And me… I’m pretty proud of me for figuring it all out.
Also I should say I hit my 1,800 days alcohol free on Thursday… kept forgetting to write about it.
For anyone who knows me, you will understand the true enormity of this. I loved a good drink… my life revolved around it. I need it to make me tick, I’d got into such a rut at work and I guess in life full stop. It was my one release. A chance to forget how dreadfully unhappy I was trying to please everyone except myself. As time went on it stopped numbing the pain and only added to the pain. The shame, regret, hangovers, blackouts.
Drinking is not for me.
It means I get to sit with the awkward, raw and uncomfortable emotions that I feel at times….. 😳😬
I felt so grateful when I woke. I still have stomach cramp but I slept right through. The best sleep ever…..
It’s still torrential rain. Absolutely stotting down and meeting itself on the way back up. It’s bouncing!
I changed the bed, sorted through all the Christmas presents that I’ve bought so far and tidied the bedroom. I was on a roll.
I decided I better start the dog walks while I was on a roll…. Oh my word it was sooooo wet!!
I was soaking wet after the first walk so I just kept going. It’s so different from last weeks walks…. Despite the torrential train, I was actually enjoying the walks.
I had to have a shower when I got back in…. I was soaked through to the skin.
I did a quick dog goony photo shoot first!
Khaleesi asking, does my bum look big in this 😂😂😂
So we’re up at the in-laws now for the evening. Not seen them in ages. Craig and Doug are watching the Rangers game.
It’s 17.35 and I am actually too knackered to even write a blog tonight. 🫶🏼😂
I was so restless all night and woke to really bad stomach cramp and eventually had to take paracetamol and ibuprofen, this morning.
Another year until I can say I’m menopausal. 🙌🏼
I felt washed out, drained…. I tried to have a mindful shower. I opened new shampoo and conditioner and the smell was just beautiful. I massaged the shampoo into my wet hair and rather than focussed on my whirring mind, I kept bringing it back to appreciating the experience of the shower… the warmth of the water… the smell new Body Shop Satsuma shower gel which came in box 8 of my advent calendar…. Taking my time rather than rushing. The only downside is that my lovely friend Anne McNerlin introduced me to the idea of the mindful shower… I think of her EVERY time I try to have mindful shower. 😂😂 It makes me giggle as I try to be mindful…. Thinking stop thinking of Anne… stop thinking of Anne 😂😂😘 it is nice to just take some time to breathe and not over dramatise the cramp by feeling all sorry for myself.
I had a Christmas toes nail appointment at 9am and they are lovely red sparkles…. Not subjecting you to pics…. To be fair no-one else will see them. Gone are the days my Christmas toes would be out in a pair of high heeled sandals. 😉 good luck finding them under the socks and Uggs 😂
Then off to a very busy day in the little gift shop.
As soon as I’m there I forget all about how rotten I feel and the day flies by. Gayle gets us lovely corned beef salad rolls for lunch and we had a super busy day. There are just so many lovely people coming into that shop. I love the atmosphere, especially at such a busy time.
So I’m home… in comfies and honestly don’t want to move for the rest of the night.
Our beautiful tree is right next me. I must look at it more and enjoy it. It’s so pretty against the old stone wall. I think it’s the best tree we’ve ever had. The Gateside Plant Centre posted that they’ve almost sold out of their Christmas trees this year… that’s amazing as it’s only the 8th. They’ve done so well. I’m sure it was a week later last year. Their trees are the best real trees I’ve ever seen.
What a dismal weather day. It just did it stop raining and when you work in a porta cabin, it sounded so much worse than it probably was. It was dark by about 3pm.
I fasted for nearly 18 hours but still ate a lot of chocolate biscuits once I’d broken my fast. Can’t imagine how many I’d have eaten if I’d eaten them all morning too….
So a very quick blog tonight as I’m helping Gayle at the Beith Primary School Christmas Fayre tonight. Better get the Christmas jumper on and head down the road!
How lovely is this… sent to me by the lovely Isy. She hits the nail on the head every time. A very special soul.
Fiver years ago I was a mess… crying in Gran’s chair… feeling like I’d let everyone down. Now I’m growing.
It’s was such a heavy frost today. Again I’m grateful to have the heating back on. There was a lovely warmth from the bathroom radiator. 😂
The car was frosted solid, if that’s even a thing?! It took me at least 10 minutes of scraping before I got it cleared. Made it to work with 4 minutes to spare.
First things first, the world lost another lovely lady yesterday, my uncle’s Mum. She was such a breath of fresh air. I know I say that a lot of people are lovely but she really inspired me. She moved out to live in an apartment in Spain in her later life. She always had a giggle, a cheeky wink and a smile. She never seemed to complain, certainly not when I spoke to her. I was so sad to hear about that yesterday too. Heaven has a few more angels (that I know of) this week.
So the Christmas wreath making last night was SO much fun. we walked across the road to the Gateside Plant Centre for 7pm.
It was our Memorial Hall Committee Christmas night out! 😂
Elly did so well explaining every step of the way. We had a giggle and we were all very creative. Everyone’s wreaths were so well done.
Almost finished, just needing a bow.
I took some lovely hot chocolate and had that with marshmallows and sprinkles. Here’s my finished wreath. I’m super pleased with it.
Michelle and I ♥️♥️ we had such a giggle looking for fluffy bits…. 😂😂
Anne and I ♥️♥️
Claire with her lovely purple wreath.
Rachel’s looks lovely on her blue door two doors down!
Here we all are, a lovely bunch and a special night.
What a super event. I can’t wait to make next years’ already, it’s quite addictive!
Our street looks lovely as we have 3 doors in a row all with original Christmas weaths!
I took another photo of it this morning… of course it did.
One last thing before I head off to meet the Crochet Hookers….
I’m listening to a really good podcast again which I’ll post a link to. I’ve listened to the first 45 minutes and it’s really worth listening to. Steven Bartlett interviews Mel Robbins. The show notes explain the subject matter:
I’m totally hooked and can’t wait to hear what comes next. Her words on our inner critic hit me between the eyes. My inner critic talks to me ALL the time, telling me how useless I am, how I could have handled a situation better, why did I say what I said, why did I do what I did, you name it. She tears strips off me. I’m sure many of us are the same.
It’s actually unfair of me to say she talks to me all the time… she’s a lot kinder to me now as writing the blog has quietened her a bit. But when she starts…. She kicks off.
Mel explains how we handle our inner critic and what makes us unhappy. I’m captivated!
The heating is back on almost a whole week later! We’re sitting in our shorts and T-shirts…. No we’re not but it feels lovely just to have that air or warmth again.
There was a reset button on the boiler that we couldn’t find so we were £40 to get it fixed, thankfully that was all that it was! I’m so grateful there wasn’t anything else wrong.
So while I lounge back on the couch eating an ice lolly…. 😂 it’s been a really reflective day today…. At lunchtime I saw a post of FB saying that a girl I used to work with years ago had died. It was one of those shocks that you actually can’t comprehend.
I reckon we worked together in 2006, we probably haven’t spoken since but followed each others lives on FB. She has two beautiful young boys as I am just devastated for them. I can’t stop thinking about her.
She was such a lovely girl, very sweet and quite quiet but determined. She was great at her job. Nothing was too much trouble for her. She was good fun. She listened like she cared. Life takes you off in different directions but it doesn’t mean you don’t remember someone as if it was yesterday. Taken far too soon. I think she was a fair bit younger than me. Just devastating for everyone close to her. There are lots of other people expressing shock on the post too. I hope her husband takes some comfort as everyone is talking about her the way I remember her. 💔
It’s been a sad and reflective day.
All that said, it’s cleared my head of the fug of the last few days. I feel like I’ve been able to think more clearly and be more focussed.
And….. drumroll… tonight I’m heading up to the Gateside Plant Centre for Christmas wreath making! Elly who’s family own the Plant Centre is going to get the Memorial Hall Committee all making Christmas wreaths.
I have hot chocolate at the ready to take up with me.
Pics to follow tomorrow!
Stay safe everyone and hug your loved ones a bit closer tonight ♥️♥️♥️
We were in bed for 8.30pm again last night, slept right through until 6am. Musta needed it! Warmest place to be in the house to be fair.
We’re still coping without heating. I think I’ve adjusted pretty well. I was ROASTING at work today having sat on top of the office heater with all my thermal clothing on today…. 😂😂
The snow is all but gone and the wind is picking up… looks like it will be stormy for the next few days. It was lovely to have that snowy weather over the weekend.
There’s nothing interesting to report today. Just another day in the life…. I’ve been on the lasagne diet… lasagne for lunch and dinner…. I think this might be Craig’s best one yet. It’s sooooo good.
I have soup in the slow cooker as I went for a food shop after work so am stocked back up with salads for lunches too.
My friend Isy sent me this lovely sentiment early on today… I think we could all use it.
So true isn’t it? Also this….
This was posted by Ayrshire Counselling and CBT where I went for my own CBT back in 2019…. I thought this was really powerful.
Hmmm food for deep thought.
I’m still not full of the joys of spring in the present moment just now. I’m not sure why, I’m just a bit off.
Something wasn’t right with one of my calculations at work today and my fight or flight mode was in overdrive.
Once I got help to figure out the answer… it was a clear as the nose on my face, right in front of me on the spreadsheet. It was so obvious.
It still amazes me how my brain can deny me the clarity as it’s too busy berating me for not being able to find the answer. A section of my brain shut down while it chastises me…… then it suddenly clicks and I realise I’ve done it right all along and it was just a timing thing. 🤦🏻♀️ Within 10 minutes, what seems like the end of the world is actually nothing.
That’s kind of be the way of the day. Anyhoo… let’s end with some Scottish funnies…. 😂
Think only Scots will get that last one but let’s see…… 😂😂 actually I should give a hint… to be fair.
I had a lovely wee evening to myself last night. Stayed wrapped up and kept topping up the fires in the dining room and sun room. By 9pm I’d taken my hat off…. Was feeling the heat!
I watched two really good movies….. I chose…. Wisely. 😂 quoting Indiana Jones 😂
I slept right through to Calaidh barking around 6,30 and managed to snooze until 8am.
We still have snow but it’s really misty today. I started dog walks before 9 and finished just before 12pm!! I’m sitting here wondering why I am absolutely shattered…. 😬😂😂 maybe that’s why!!!
I took Bhru out diets. Her walk was the best as the clouds cleared to give some dramatic sunshine, while the mist kept swirling around.
We went into Spiers Old School Grounds.
My favourite gate of all gates.
By the time I got out with Calaidh it had all misted over and showed no signs of clearing.
By this time Craig was home from his brothers so we headed up to the Gateside Plant Centre across the road, to get our Christmas tree.
I had to jump in the sled 🛷
We got a beautiful tree!!!
It’s almost too pretty to decorate.
As challenging as it is to get 3 dogs wearing scarves, in front of the Christmas tree…. Try 4!!!
Cala8dh shouldn’t be in the dark scarf and poor Khaleesi looks like she’s wearing a shawl!!! I may try this again sometime but for a first pass it will do.
Not happy about this scarf malarkey but loving the treats… s’pose it was worth it for that!
I feel absolutely shattered today. I had so much I wanted to do as it’s my only day in the house….. but I feel like an exhausted dead weight. I had a shower, got Christmas jammies on and went to bed for an hour and half and was out for the count. I’m still tired. I have lost all of my oomph. When I lie down my knee starts thumping like I’m forcing it to lie at the wrong angle…. I still fall asleep.
I always start to panic in December that I’m running out of time when I haven’t really thought about presents yet.
I guess that’s ok. I need to allow myself to rest. Not felt this way for a good wee while. Again… I guess that’s ok. This too shall pass.
Still no heating but I’ve definitely adjusted to the temperature. It’s cold but it’s bearable and layerable 😂😂
I got up to the loo at 6.30am and Craig said to look out the window! What a shock to see a huge blanket of snow.
Obviously this photo wasn’t at 6.30am…. More like 7.30 by the time we got up.
She who usually has one eye constantly fixated on the weather forecast…. Did not see this coming! There were a few tiny flakes when we were out the back with the dogs last night. I didn’t even bat an eyelid…
It’s so pretty.
We had to make a plan to try to capture Khaleesi’s first snow 🤦🏻♀️😂😂
Craig went out round the pub so he could come into the back garden with fresh snow so I could let her out the back door.
She was not impressed to start off with… she ran out… seemed confused, tried to see if she could eat it…. And ran back in!! Poor Craig’s half way down the garden waiting for her 😂 I got her back outside and she finally clocked Craig and went bounding towards him! She’s always so excited to see him. there are no decent photos arms it was all video.
I’m all sent for my walk to the little gift shop.
It’s a beautiful morning… a cold walk but got some lovely shots. I’m like a kid in a sweetie shop, walking and taking photos.
This is the A737 and one of the busiest junctions, the Gateside – Beith cross. it’s usually heaving.
Another good morning at the shop and all too soon it’s time to walk back home.
It’s such a lovely day… there’s a real cold air hanging over the snow.
I played with the dogs for a bit. Craig’s only just left for the weekend so they’ve been out all morning. They’re still so excited.
It’s hard work all this snow play!
I had to clean all the snow off the car and headed over the Largs to pick up my new reading glasses. I’ve never seen the tide so night and there’s no snow in Largs given that it’s obviously at sea level.
There’s a nice sunset too.
I treated myself to lemon sole and chips from the Fish Works again.
I ate one half in the car!
I ate the other half at home!! Khaleesi is beside me. 😂
So I’m all wrapped up cosy.
I had to get wood in from the wood store but both fires are going strong and I have an electric fire in the living room and one outside then bathroom. Our friends Lindsay and Euan dropped a heater off today and Gayle was going to lend me one from the shop.
It’s amazing how our body’s adjust to the temperature. What shocked me to the core on Thursday is now becoming the new norm. I’m sure we didn’t have central heating when we were kids… I’ve survived it before and will again. Called three guys but have no one booked yet. One was only oil heating and sadly he’s the one that answered!!
We have no heating so I downloaded a thermometer on my phone to see what temperature it was outside…. Yup… I did think it would give me the indoor temperature 🤦🏻♀️😂😂 bless.
The actual thermostat for the heating was 12°C when I checked it… that’s pretty cold in a pair of jammies!
Craig’s tried everything and it’s still not working.
How funny is this….
Freya must have been lying on the grass heating up the frost for a while 🤦🏻♀️😂😂 so cute!
Got another pic of all the girls before I headed out. It’s super cold this morning.
So thankfully I’m at the little gift shop from 9.30 until 8pm…. There is heating!!
It’s Beith’s Christmas lights switch on tonight so the shop is staying open for it.
We’ve had a great day but I’m so tired I could cry…. It’s absolutely flown in. We’ve had great chat, seen so many lovely customers and Gayle got 1st prize in the best Beith Christmas window!!!!
Hard to get a photo without the dentist in the background 😂
She had these giant gonks up for raffle just now. You can’t imagine how big they are until you are next to them.
Some lovely, lovely stuff!
We went to Curiosity coffee shop for a hot chocolate and cake at 5pm. Curiosity’s Christmas trees are lovely too. it’s such a lovely space and Lesley is full of the chat!!
We enjoyed it back at the shop!
I had sticky toffee cake!
So a great day but super tired now. Heating’s still not fixed but it feels less of a shock to the system tonight…. She says, yet to get undressed for bed 😂 it won’t be long though.
The Rambling Sloth 🦥 