Healing mental health during COVID-19 times and beyond
Author: Julie
Iām healing from anxiety and depression and exploring my way through a whole new lovely world with an abundance of awareness and a new love for lifeā¦ and travelling the world!
EDIT: So for some reason my brain went from day 1359 to day 1400 and thanks to āanonymousā for pointing that out. It made me laugh a bit too hard!!! title amendedā¦ blog as it was!
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Wow, I wished Iād had a more exciting day for day 1400 but sadly notā¦. Days 1358 and 1359 have blown everything this week out the water š still, Iām focussing on enejoykng the present moment so I didnāt wish the day away.
The pillow under my leg in bed is still working a treat. No sore knee overnight, Iām soooooo pleased about that. Even after that run and two walks yesterday, itās ok sleeping. Itās sorer sitting at my desk than anything else.
So another frosty day but a lot less sunshine today. It was bitter.
This is Craigās windscreen this morning., his car hadnāt been out since Saturday lunch.
Mine wasnāt as bad as weād been at Gro Coffee last night.
I love thisā¦. my friend Isy posted on FB today. She shares a lot of amazing things and I very rarely give her credit.
Itās beautiful.
Itās been soooo lovely to see the blue sky and sunshineā¦. Especially the fact there is no wind and rainā¦. It does feel like quiet time.
So work, stop for diesel and food shopping on the way home. This made me laugh.
So Iām just gonna share some more photos from the wonderful weekend.
Another great day in the lifeā¦. Though some random anxiety mid dayā¦ š¤·š»āāļø
I slept like a log last nightā¦. Not surprising I guess after 10.7k in a kayak and all that sea airā¦ but I did have my knee up on a big pillow at the physioās advice. That seems to have made a difference, though tonight will be the real test as Iāve used my knee a lot today.
I went for a walk/jog/run with Rachel two doors downā¦. And we actually ran for most of the route, itās so good to be back out there running jogging!
We did Tough Mudder together in 2022 and ran at a really similar pace. We stopped when either of us needed to and we both felt tired at different times. Neither of us actually like running, which is half the battle!
So at 10am today in the freezing cold thick frost, we gingerly set off. Baby jog steps!!
Selfie in motion!
Itās another stunningly beautiful day.
The roads were slippy!
We walked down the two slippy hills just to be on the safe side but did run most of the way.
Donāt think either of us expected that. Just plodding along at the same speed makes all the difference. We both donāt like to hold anyone up if weāre running with someone faster. It makes it less enjoyable.
So it wasnāt much, it ended up being 23 minutes but I think thatās a really good start.
Itās way more than I managed during the Christmas holidays. All in all today, 15,877 steps so far!
When I got in, I was still quite fired up so took Calaidh up the hillā¦..
Everything is so pretty in the frost.
Then who suddenly appeared?!? Nacho with Rachel!! Heās off to catch Calaidh!
The Garnock valley looks stunning with the the fog over Kilbirnie loch.
I came home and did housework before Criag and I took the dogs over to the field across the road. This is where my anxiety aroseā¦..
Iām overwhelmed walking four dogsā¦ itās just completely above my pay grade. I imagined sooooo many things going on. I felt really anxious but instead of holding it all in, I did tell Craig. I didnāt want to spoil the walk and I knew I would if I held it all inside.
He wanted to take them down to Irvine beach park but I was worried there would be too many dogs down there.
When we were in the field I was upset by Khaleesi barking so much, which she does as she has funā¦. I thought the dogs might get out the field, was worried someone else would come in the field and we shouldnāt be there. You name itā¦ floods of anxiety.
Hereās the Scottish Dog Behaviourist sitting on a tree stump, calling a client who had some questions, while we were in the field.
The dogs had a blast!
I didnāt actually relax until we got home.
I need to do some work on that.
Hereās Leesi in her new coat. Bless her.
We decided to head to Gro Coffee in Irvine as I got vouchers from Craigās mum and stepdad for my Christmas.
The sun was just starting to set when we arrivedā¦.not a breathe.
Love the way these flats are lit up by the sun.
You canāt book in Gro and they said it would be a 45 minute waitā¦. So I dragged Craig towards the sunset.
Look at the reflections! My friend Helen will be so proud of me for looking at the reflections.
TEN MINUTES later Gro called and we had to rush back!! Thereās a bank of cloud running along the base of Arran so I think the actual sunset would have been stunning but we had to head back.
All of these were taken while walking very fast!!
Our food was the usual Gro standardā¦. Lovely! meat feast pizza, chicken tenders, halloumi fries and skin on fries.
So all in all, minus this afternoonās anxiety, Iāve had THE best weekend.
It looks like it will be frosty and sunny most of the week. Long may it continue.
What an amazing day. Oh my wordā¦. Just out of this world.
I am SHATTERED writing this but that could be because I had to sleep on the couch again last night due to my bad kneeā¦. And the fact that Lindsay and I have kayaked 10.7K today from the Largs Pencil to Fairlie Pier, Fairlie, Hunterston Pier and beyondā¦ then back.
Itās been a beautiful day, wall to wall sunshine and a real warmth to the sun, time spent with the best mentor and great chat!!
Now Iād like you to take the time to read this and remember that itās only a few years since I sat in Granās chair and could barely manage to shower, clean my teeth or walk the dogs.
Here I am this morning in my dry suit! (This was gifted to me by a random lady we met in Castle Semple car park in Lochwinnoch, saving me about Ā£300!)
We parked at Largs Marina and got the kayaks all ready to go. Thatās the Largs Pencil in the distance, with the Largs ferry a tiny dot on the horizon!
The sun was so low we couldnāt see a thing to take this photo but apart from a lot of teeth, it work out fine! š
The sea was like a millpond.
Iāve missed this beautiful weather so much over the last few months.
It was actually quite warm in the sun.
Following Lindsay! Sheās a great teacher and has all the safety equipment to keep me safe. This is my first time in the sea and the sea is not to be taken lightly.
We kayaked carefully, past the entrance to Largs Marina and carried on down to the Fairlie Pier.
And went right under it!
And out the other side!
We stopped for lunch on Fairlie Beach.
It was just beautiful.
Had to get the obligatory kayak photo in the water! Thatās the isle of Great Cumbrae in the foreground to the right, Little Cumbrae to the left and Arran in the background.
Looking back to Fairlie as we leave.
We watched two tugs move this massive barge, full of large rocks, over to Great Cumbrae, to help build its flood defences.
Now heading to the Hunterston Pier.
Lindsay got some photos of me, just to prove I did it!
How beautiful is this?!?!? The viewā¦. Not me š
We came back under both piers.
Honestly I have another million photos but these were some of the best.
I have had THE most amazing day. Itās not lost on me that for so long I thought life, as I knew it, was over.
My life is SO much better than it ever was. I have ALWAYS wanted to kayak out in the sea. We never knew Lindsay and Euan back then. Now we do, and they are so kind to lend us their equipment and help teach me.
Lindsay was so patient and safety consciousā¦. Thereās not need to be scared. I was slighly anxious last night but absolutely buzzing ALL day today.
Life changes in ways you will never believe it possible.
Itās important to keep believing that.
If itās bad for you just now, just be patient and try to be as grateful as you can, for all that you currently have.
Wait till you hear about my morningā¦ honestly, even I donāt believe what I spent the morning doing!
I had an amazing nightās sleep, out for the count all night. Iām so grateful for that.
I felt super refreshed.
I got up at 8, let the dogs out, fed the dogs, poop scooped the garden, took all the recycling to the bins and I felt so good after it all. I know how crazy that sounds. I get an amazing sense of calm when things are in order.
Itās a beautiful morning. Itās cold but no wind or rain and the sky is a lovely colour. Not good enough for photos but lovely nonetheless.
I made freshly ground, steaming hot, black coffeeā¦. I write that and smile as itās all about how you describe it. It was just a pot of black coffee but as I poured it, I thought of that wonderful description. It was a new bag of coffee beans that Iād bought from Curiosity coffee shop.
It was the nicely freshly ground coffee weāve tried.
I then headed upstairs and sat with my Self Care Journal and filled out the first lot of pages. My main purpose in lifeā¦ the things I enjoy, the things that make me happy and the things that get in the way of that happiness.
How do I feel emotionally, spiritually, in my friendships and relationships, environmentally, socially and then some.
What do I want to focus on this month?
I loved every minute of it.
I used a nice penā¦ why does that matterā¦. But it did.
I used some nice stickers! One that said today was a big day as I started to work in the journal.
I hear myself right now. I have NEVER done anything like this before and in fact I was scoff at those who did. Probably only because I was envious of their clarity of mind and vision that they wanted to do so much work on themselvesā¦ when I was barely holding it together.
It feels like time. Itās time to take back control of my life. No more boredom, feeling life is passing me byā¦. Iām going out to get it.
I did take this photo and send it to Craig. One is the bed made by a man and one is the bed made by a woman. š¤
He replied with āwhich one did I do?!? Love you xxxā I laughed out loud!!
Khaleesi and Freya had a good snooze while I did all the hard work.
I then went for a shower and found a playlistā¦. 100 most uplifting songs everā¦. And played that and sang along to it as I showered.
I was buzzing and I felt so alive.
I had physio for my knee at 12.40. It was an NHS appointment and the nurse was lovely. She asked so many questions about the pain, about family history of arthritis, about my psoriasis and she gave both knees a good workout to see what the issue was. Sheās scheduled me for blood tests on 16th January to look for inflammatory disease and has given me exercises to do up to 3 times a day. Sheāll call once the blood test results come back.
I then picked up Gayle and we headed to Curiosity coffee shop in Beith. I had a mint oat milk latte with Rocky road and Gayle had a hot chocolate with Cookies and Cream cake.
It was a lovely catch up, chat, coffee and cake!! We just joined 3 other folk at the table and chatted away.
We then went to Gayleās wholesaler in Glasgow for SALE stickers for her Christmas sale when she opens back up in January.
When we left I drove on the wrong side of the road!!!!!
I couldnāt think what side of the street to on and chose the wrong one?!?! Thankfully it was a quiet street. Gayle kept me right!!
We headed to Silverburn shopping centre but I didnāt feel quite right after that. I was a bit dizzy and lightheaded. not sure if it was too much caffeine, dehydration or not enough food. It could have been any of themā¦. I felt very fuzzy headed.
We had a good wonder around the shops but the feeling never really left.
Home now and I do feel better after having had dinner. Comfies on and feet up. Itās been a busy day after so long doing nothing.
A very purposeful day.
Iām so surprised that I wanted to do this. So proud that I have and excited to see what it brings.
I slept much better last night yet felt exhausted when the alarm went off.
When I finally got out of bed I actually managed to wake up pretty fast to face the day!
The dogs barked so I got them up tooā¦. Here are Cal and Khal when I left for work. Khaleesi is a big dog but she can curl up into the smallest ball.
Work was good. I got all the 2024 spreadsheets pulled together, cleared out drawers and my samples box. I cleaned my desk and files. It feels great to refresh everything.
So Iām still in the positive mental attitude for now and Iāve got a whole host of things to share. My FB feed is full of positivity.
Read this one slowly.
I love the meaning in that. Your life is now.
I will definitely be doing this with my new self care journal.
So really thatās all for today. Not much doing. No plans this evening but pretty pleased with the short working week!
I was not quite that cheerful at 6.10am when the alarm went off this morning.
I couldnāt get to sleep last night at allā¦ I came down to the couch, finished Matthew Perryās book and then fell asleep for a few hours.
Of course I felt shattered when the alarm went offā¦. But bright at the same time.
Everything was ready to go, I just needed a shower.
It was torrential rain when I left. not sure the photos do it justice.
If you click on the photo and zoom into the street light it shows how bad it was!
Of course nothing goes according to the plan in your headā¦ expecting a great first day with great progress and there were two guys on holiday and one off sick and thenā¦. Time of the month rears its ugly head š of course it does. May explain my maudlin mood these last few days. I would have found that all overwhelming in the past but none of it affected me. I just had a wry smile to myself.
Life has a way of throwing you off what you expect to happen but itās all ok if you just let it be what it is. None of it is the end of the world.
I bet you all read that thinking course itās not the end of the worldā¦. But I would have made that all a big stress and drama in the past.
So a good day. Got lots done. Refreshed my befuddled head. Reminded myself what it is we do and how.
I had a lovely salad for lunchā¦. Followed by hot chocolate and choccie biscuits and pizza but heyā¦. The salad was genuinely the best part.
It was almost light the whole drive home!
I got my self care journal from Clever Fox today.
It has 90 days of mindful wellness planning. Iāve yet to get a good look at it but initial inspection is really interesting.
And I found the stickers! Iām going to spend a bit of time with it at the weekend.
Iāve never done anything like this before and Iām excited to see what it brings.
Iām not gonna sit back and be overwhelmed by a dark and moody January. This is the first time I donāt feel dread for the month of January. I feel hope and excitement for everything that it might bring. A very good friend told me just today that we have to live and love every moment.
I hear myself, I know itās cheesy but I mean it. No more lounging around bored.
We also get an extra day this year as itās a leap yearā¦. 366 new pages!
I hope to write a beautiful story this year. I want to explore as much as possible and enjoy every minute as much as I can.
I am not going to write āwhat could possibly go wrong?ā as I usually doā¦. Iām going to say bring on 2024.
I really have to write down a list of things I could do when itās raining and I canāt think of anything else to do!
I woke at 5 when someoneās alarm went offā¦. Randomlyā¦. I was awake for an hour and went back to sleep until 10.20am!!!
10.20am. Unheard of.
I couldnāt wake up.
I was dreaming I was on my friend, Helenās, roof down in Exmouth. I was with Cillian Murphy of Peaky Blinders fame and we were watching for the Aurora Borealis. I was showing him how he could view it through the phoneā¦. Go figure. š¤¦š»āāļø
No wonder I didnāt want to wake up. š
I have been a bit aimless again today but Iāve embraced it. Iāve enjoyed reading some more of Matthew Perryās book.
Craig and I took all the dogs out for a walk and the heavens opened! I seem to have forgotten to take photos. It was really grey and damp looking.
I ordered a self care journal, recommended to me by my blogger Buddy The Windsor Waffle.
I feel I do need a bit of direction and I hope this will help. I wanted it in the bright sunshine yellow but it was sold out so I went for the rose gold.
I was happy not to set New Yearās resolutions but I donāt want to feel this rudderless again any time soon. Iāve not embraced it.
Iām excited to think about what I want from the coming months. I am not going to give in to January blues.
Today I also celebrate my 5 years without alcohol.
Have a good look at this. I used to be embarrassed by it but not now. I have saved Ā£14,000 by not drinking. I have not consumed 787,800 calories that I might have consumed in alcohol!!!!
With hindsight it would have been nice to have that Ā£14k sitting around to spend.
Actually as I think about thatā¦. Maybe that money helped allow us to keep the house when I left the big job. Thatās pretty fair to say I think.
Iāve found being alcohol free this Christmas, pretty hard. Itās felt a bit of a lonely place to be apart from New Yearās Day where I drank Coke Zero and didnāt bat an eyelid.
I still make such a big thing about it in my head. I feel hard done to that I have chosen this pathā¦. But have chosen this for all the right reasons.
I need to make some peace with my sobriety and accept it as my way of life and stop banging on about itā¦. Itās become a bit all consuming. Except to celebrate my increasing years obviously!!
When I read that throughā¦ maybe thatās why Iāve been bored? Weāre so used to drinking through the holidays that Iāve actually not been sure what else to do with myselfā¦. Even after all this time. Maybe the self care journal will help with that. Iām so excited to get itā¦ there are stickers!!! š„³šš„³
Weāve had a lovely steak pie dinner tonight.
A mahoosive platefulā¦. Calaidhās eyes say it all! When thereās two of you, you share a steak pieā¦. Iām not sure how it would be enough for 4 people. It was super tasty but way too much pastry.
Craig made his own roasties, with goose fat. They were really good.
I also managed 25 out of 26 fasts 12 hour fasts in December. Iād signed up to do 12 lots of 12 hours! Yesterday I had to hit the button at 11 hours and 57 minutesā¦. I should have waited those 3 minutes but I forgot about the challenge. šš
So back to work tomorrow. Always hate the end of a holiday but Iāve learned a lot about myself while Iāve been off. Iām looking forward to some routine again.
The salad is made already, in my new salad tub, ready to go. My clothes are all ready to go. My head is ready.
I started off the year with a rotten sleep and āwokeā feeling really tearful and a bit down.
We went to bed at 2am and I woke at 4am with a throbbing knee and came downstairs to lie by the light of the tree one last time.
I lay there thinking what I heard on a podcast yesterday.
Why donāt I choose to be happier?
Why do I choose to be sad?
Ellison had messaged me yesterday and said she hoped I was enjoying the break from workā¦. I actually cringed when I thought jeezā¦ some people are just never happy (meaning myselfā¦. Not her!!)
I realised that Iāve been miserable doing nothing, while itās actually been valuable time off work. Time that I would kill for when Iām actually AT work. Why canāt I appreciate what I have when I have it?
I spent yesterdayās blog telling everyone to appreciate the present moment, yet I seem to have been in a proper humph about everything this holiday.
I have NOT been choosing to be happy.
Iāve been choosing to be sad.
I tried to go back to bed after Iād let the dogs out and fed them this morning.
I just lay there being unkind to myself.
Talking down to myself.
The voice in my head was incessant. Untilā¦.
Today Iām going to choose to be happy.
I smiled when I thought that.
Life is what you make itā¦. I said that only yesterday.
I got up and went outside with the dogs. The sky was lovely.
Trying to get a photo of the puppers and here comes Khaleesi the photobomb!!
She was having a blast.
I then wandered down the bottom of the garden in my jammies and turned around to see this lovely rainbow over our houses.
Khaleesi is still careering around šš
It started to rain but I stayed out in it to appreciate the moment.
I can almost see two rainbows in this next picture.
I sent some of the neighbours some photos as I thought it was really lovely right over our houses.
I then headed back in and had a good chat with Craig about how Iād been feeling and what I thought I needed to change. It was good for me. I felt better after it.
We had a good tidy and clean and sadly took down the Christmas tree. Iāve lost my lovely twinkly lights. I say that but the house is all fresh and clean and ready for going back to work.
The pub was open for New Yearās Day from 1pm so we headed in for about 2. I made a point of putting on a dress and putting makeup on as I wanted to make an effort.
New Yearās Day is a big day in our village life. We see lots of the villagers we donāt always see.
Rachel two doors down was my New Yearās Day ādrinkingā buddy!
Iāve had a lovely afternoon. I switched from 0% pink gin and slimline tonic, to Coke Zero pretty early on as I think the tonic was giving me a headache. I was totally fine drinking Coke Zero and didnāt feel strange for once.
I didnāt take my new favourite scarf off! The pub was cold!
We had lots of good chat. I didnāt feel uncomfortable at all. The chat just flowed.
We came home and ordered a takeaway from the new Indian in Beith. It was super fast delivery, HUGE portions and really good.
We have steak pie for today but thought we would cook that tomorrow when we have more time during the day.
So after a shaky start, Iāve had a lovely day. Iāve turned my head around.
Rachel and I have agreed to start a weekly runā¦. Even if we just start walking.
We ran together in Tough Mudder last year and ran at a similar pace. I want to do some more cardio and know Iām not likely to stick to it by myself.
So first step taken to making some changes.
She who doesnāt do New Yearās resolutionsā¦. š
So on the eve of my last day off, I realise I really appreciate the time Iāve had off work. Even if I did just rest, read and watch moviesā¦ I musta needed it.
Itās 8.20pm and we have 364 more days of this new year to go and 364 more chances to be happy.
Itās Hogmanay 2023ā¦. New Years Eve in Scotland.
The eve of a new year always seems to be a time for reflection. Itās a pivotal point in life where thereās significant changeā¦ we leave the old year behind and a new, fresh year lies ahead.
How many of us look back with regret at all the things we didnāt do? All the things we wish we had done better? Regret for the current life that we live because we think we need more?
How many of us believe that life will be better after we buy the next thingā¦ go on the next holidayā¦. Have the new jobā¦ the list goes on?
How many of us do everything to please everyone else? Say yes to things we donāt want to do? Never take time for ourselves?
How many of us bury our sorrows in a bottle of wine? A huge bar of chocolate?
How many of us put ourselves down? Say things like āsilly meāā¦ or āI get everything wrongāā¦. āI can never do thisāā¦
How about we actually stop and cut ourselves some slack?
We are all who we are because of the life that we have led until this point.
Read that againā¦ slowly.
We are conditioned by our upbringing, the values of parents and generations before them. We are brought up to be who we are.
Our life experiences add to everything we become.
No amount of regret or shame for past mistakes changes anything.
You are only punishing yourself.
You need to forgive yourself and empathise the way you would with a friend.
Know that every year that we live, will be filled with highs and lows. Some lows will be worse than others and some highs will be truly wonderful. I honestly believe that the power is how we handle the nowā¦. The present moment.
Iāve said it so many times before.
Sometimes I forget it tooā¦..
We only get one shot at this.
That breath that you are taking just now is what life is all about. Right here, right now.
How about we celebrate who we are really are and who we have become?
We have survived 100% of our worst daysā¦. We have been ecstatic on our best days.
(Little interlude here to thank my friend Ruth who used to send me ā100%ā when Iād had a bad dayā¦ šā„ļøš«¶š¼)
If youāre feeling really sad reading this then Iām sorry as I know how bad that is. Iām sending a huge hug and remember that there is always someone who will listen. In most cases life will get better and you will look back on these worries as the stepping stone to something else.
You can learn so much from the bad times, the bad moods, the angerā¦. If you just listen to what itās really telling you.
Rainbow this morning on dog walk
Iāve been sad these last few days.
Iāve been bored.
Iāve felt life is passing me byā¦. Again.
Iām excellent at giving advice šš I donāt always take my own.. š
The call to travel and see the world is screaming at me.
Let go and trust.
Life is what we make it.
Itās what we allow our reactions to be.
Be kind to yourself.
Know youāve done your best up until now and know that you will do your best moving forward.
I think itās perfectly acceptable not to set goals for the future and actually be proud of the person you are now.
I have learned so much this last year and can finally say that Iām proud of where I am.
Iāve been writing my mostly daily blog for almost 4 years but more importantly celebrating 5 years without alcohol. I stopped and gave myself a chance to listen so that I could reflect and heal.
If you go to bed and miss it all, you are my soul peopleā¦ otherwise have a lovely time celebrating. We have our friends Lindsay and Euan, coming round and Iām really looking forward to their company. New Year has alway been a difficult one for me. So much pressure to have fun. Finally I feel completely calm taking each moment as it comes.
And of course Iāve had a two hour nap!
Happy New Year when it comes and thank you so much for following my ramblings. ā„ļø
Another strange on and off sleepless night. My knee is only sore in bed now. I even remembered to take painkillers!
Anyhooā¦ we had a lovely evening with Claire and Graeme last night. Check usā¦ entertaining and all that! It was really nice and great chat.
It was super frosty by the time they left and still like that this morning.
Caught the dogs on the couch again this morning.
Minus Freya who couldnāt wait to get outside.
We had a good kick about with tennis balls .
Khaleesi is not quite sure what to do when she gets the tennis balls.
I sometimes her put her on the lead to stop her running about too much and hurting her legs.
So today Gayle and I were having a big day out.
I had loads of ideas, obviously the most crazy was that we would drive all the way to Oban and got to the Oban Chocolate shop for waffles and hot chocolate. The weather was forecast to be so lovely.
My head goes into a tailspinā¦. Donāt tell me weāre not going to get our big day out!?!?
I picked Gayle up before 11ā¦. We drove around for a whileā¦. Thought about heading to Braehead Shopping Centre but turned around at Lochwinnoch as the snow was pretty bad.
We decided to head to Mocha JaKās coffee shop at the end of the road!!
It was so lovely to get out of the house and have a right good natter!! For FOUR hours we talked incessantly.
I had French toast with bacon and maple syrup.
I ordered the Avocado stack but they didnāt have thatā¦ then I ordered the veggie breakfast but they didnāt have that either so I actually really enjoyed the French toast as I would never have really ordered it. They finish up today for a week so they were understandably running things down.
By the time I dropped Gayle off we were still talking and remembering things we hadnāt caught up on!
When I got home the snow had all gone. There was a lovely sky and it was only 3.30pm.
Iām watching a movie called āWhat we did on our holidayā with David Tennant and Billy Connollyā¦ itās really good.
The dogs are fast asleep and Iām sitting by the light of the tree.
Dog being brought into the room and onto clean bed – ORBIT!!
What a dreadful night. Honestly I tossed and turned like a tossy turney thingā¦ ALL night.
I just couldnāt get comfy at all. As soon as I did I had to move again. I hadnāt taken painkillers as my knee had been okā¦. Had to take them in the middle of the night.
Knee pain – 1 painkillers – 0
Criag had a takeaway so I had some chicken pakora about 8pm so maybe it was late foodā¦ even though I didnāt eat much.
Iāve felt like a half shut knife all day.
I am really struggling doing nothing.
Determined to get out of the house today, I started weeding the garden first thing as it was actually calm and there was no rain. itās lovely to be outside in nature. Itās so calm, feels like everyone is still in bed.
I wasnāt properly dressed for weeding thoughā¦ so I headed up to Braehead to exchange some faulty black smart jeggings I had bought for Christmasā¦ the waist band came away on Boxing Day! The stitching all came undone.
It was lovely to drive up to Braehead.
The river we pass had flooded its banks. Itās not affecting any housing so it looks pretty. It fascinates me. Wish I could have got some photos.
The roads and Braehead are pretty quiet thankfully. I get parked near the door to M&Sā¦ in, exchange and a quick wander round Primark before heading back out. My knee is sore after the walking.
I donāt feel like looking anywhere else. I used to love the sales but I know I donāt need anything.
This week has been like being off sick.
I never do this little.
Iām racking my brain for things to do and canāt think of anything. Bet when I sit back at my desk next week I will think of lots of things I could have done!! (Predictive text had me racking my Brian š)
Back home, watched a movie, had a shower, tidied the house because drum rollā¦.. we are having visitors tonight!!! People are coming to our house and we are serving actual food. Canāt think the last time we ever did that. Iām proud of us for inviting them. š Itās Claire and Graeme from next door so weāre looking forward to a good chat and some good company.
Iām still doing really well on the fasting. Iām currently sitting at nearly 21 hours. I find it easy on days off to have one meal. I canāt do that when Iām at work though. When 12.30pm comes, Iām conditioned to feel ravenous! Not so on holidays!
I also have a wee day out with Gayle tomorrow which Iām looking forward toā¦ if I could only think where we could go!
My big plan was to head to the Oban Chocolate Shop for Hot Chocolate and Wafflesā¦. That was when the forecast was beautiful and weād have a sunny Oban. Itās also 2.5 hours drive there and back so I didnāt even run it past Gayle. It just shows where my head is at.
These last few days have blown away like dead leaves. I want to appreciate every moment and make every day count and make peace with what I choose to do.
My knee has uncomfortable today but nothing like the pain a few days ago, so all good.
Itās been another strange day in between Christmas and New Year.
I donāt really want to do anything but Iām bored by doing nothing.
Itās still torrential rain, the wind isnāt that strong first thing but it picks up again later on in the day. It feels like it never really gets light. I miss the blue sky and sunshine.
Again I sound like Iām complaining but itās actually been a really nice dayā¦ indoors.
We went for a food shop together today. We got lots in for the next few days. The use by dates arenāt great so weāll have to go back out before New Yearās Day. Most stuff was dated until Saturday.
I changed the bed when we got backā¦.Clean sheets tonight! I did two loads of washing, put clothes away and tidied out Craigās wardrobeā¦. As you do. It was stressing me out! š
Other than that is been another āmeā dayā¦ chilling with my book and the puppers.
I love the light of the Christmas tree and the candles but youāve gathered that by now, havenāt you?!
I saw this and thoughtā¦. Absolutely!!
So feet up on the couch for me again. Dogs are shattered, theyāre all sound asleep!
I should say that Iām not complaining but I donāt do lazy or correction, rest days easily.
Despite lying around reading a book, I do have spells of guilt but it passes pretty quickly.
I have had a lot of social interaction these last few days. I am in desperate need of a day of silenceā¦.
I literally had no idea what to do today. I didnāt wake up until 9.15am. That doesnāt happen often.
I feel like Iām in some exhausted slump. It doesnāt help that, between the progesterone, I slept like a log but I woke every time I moved my knee through the night.
I came downstairs and lay on the couch with the dogs curled up on me and at my feet.
With the other two just across the way.
The weather doesnāt help. Itās dismal todayā¦. Itās rained all day and everything is wet and sodden looking, the dogs are soaked from being outside. They prefer to be inside.
Iām reading this back and I sound down in the dumps. I am actually not. Iāve had the loveliest of days, just not doing what I expected to be doing.
Iām using lots of my Christmas presents alreadyā¦.. I seem unable to live without my electric hot water bottle and Iāve been unable to put down Matthew Perryās memoirā¦ Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing.
Itās such a fascinating read. Iāve been really drawn to his trouble with addiction, since he died this year. I wish I knew then what I know now. The poor guy never really stood a chance. He was great at helping others but just could not beat it himself.
Cookie the Chihuahua came to visit for a couple of hours as my in-laws had a funeral to attend. I got lots of Cookie cuddles!
Watch out Julie Five Dogsā¦. No Craig, just noā¦ not ever!!! šš this is the best photo I got of them altogether.
Cookie who hates the rain went straight outside and didnāt seem to care.
Until Khaleesi did a big excited woof woof and she was off!!
Pretty girl.
I managed to get a call with a Doctor about my knee today and he asked to see them at 4.25. Itās actually been a lot less excruciating todayā¦ of course it has but I still need to get it checked as that was way too sore.
#breaksfordoctor š
So turns out that itās just inflamed tendons around my knee causing the pain. Rest, ibuprofen and paracetamol are the answer with Physio booked for Friday 5th January.
Iāve had physio on my other knee and know that it hurts but also know that it does help!
I love this next one and I hope that I am able to help others after everything I have been through. I hope no one ever feels as bad as I felt for no real reason other than my head told me I wasnāt enough.
You can overcome that mountain tooā¦. Or at the very least, make peace with it.
Just a quickie today as Iāve had the laziest day so far!!
I say that and Iāve actually done a load of washing, hung it up and tidied the kitchen.
We also went down to the Pharmacy to see if I could get stronger painkillers. I talked to the Pharmacist ā¦ so grateful that they are open today.
I got stronger paracetamol and Voltarol to rub on my knee. Sadly it hasnāt made any difference and Iām still Limpy McLimperson. Itās really sore.
I managed to get a good sleep last night though which was great. The progesterone induced sleep seemed to beat the sore knee pain.
Weāre on our way to Craigās mums today. Weāre having leftovers but she always cooks loads so that sounds lovely. Iāve been fasting since 5.15pm on Christmas Day and itās 3.15pm now so Iām ready for some food!
Look how lovely the moon is.
Craigās driving up and Iām driving home. I donāt feel as anxious about it today. Iām a bit more used to his car after yesterday. I never used to be this personā¦. But thatās okā¦.
So in true Julie fashion not everything is rosy in the garden. My left knee is agony and kept me awake last night. I havenāt done anything other than stand. Iāve stood a lot at the shop and I stood in the pub last night. When I went to move it was stuck.
I took paracetamol and ibuprofen and it didnāt touch it. I woke two or three times in the night.
Itās been agony all day. š¢ Iām fairly certain itās just muscular but no idea why itās so sore.
Iāve also got travel anxiety and I havenāt actually relaxed knowing that me and the sore knee have to drive home.
Anyway moan overā¦
Other than that weāve had a lovely day.
We got lovely presents this morningā¦ we were meant to have a Ā£50 limit but not sure either of us stuck to it!
I did a doggo photo shoot!
The puppers had Butternut Box Festive Turkey Feast for breakfast!
We left to head over to Mum and Dadās about 10.30. Itās takes about an hour and half.
I got a new scarf and I love it!!!
I got a new purse which I love too. Itās multicoloured and matches my scarf. Itās not in this photo šš
Khaleesi made herself at home!
Mum and dad had made a lovely meal.
Weāve had a lovely day!!
I now have the anxiety of getting Craigās car out of mum and dadās drivewayā¦.. the things I worry about eh?!
I have an appetite for drama and suffering eh?!? Told you Iād throw that at myself sometime soonā¦
Itās 2.15pm and Iām having a lovely relaxed Christmas Eve so far.
I woke really early and tried to go back to sleep for a while. Iām not sure I managed it but at least I tried.
Iāve had the best morning pottering around, cleaning and tidying. No agenda, no plan, just bits and pieces.
I put Christmas tunes on and sang as I workedā¦. Or hummed, maybe mostly I hummed!
Love this from Butterflies and Pebbles.
I cleaned the kitchen this morning before Craig got up. I washed all the tiles down and canāt tell you the last time I did that.
The weather is atrocious but I went out anyway.
I did a festive Christmas Eve poo pick in the garden (ok thatās not even a thing!) and was breathless by the time I got back in! Itās soooo windy.
We had coffee and as I was brewing it I spotted thisā¦ how our house rolls on a day off.
I literally polished the bathroom š I want to go and live in there now, itās so clean.
We have wax melts in every wax melt receptacleā¦. Cranberry in the hallway, fresh linen in the bathroom and Mediterranean blue (Watermelon), in the living room. The house smells lovely. Both fires are lit. One of them only took me about 5 times but itās burning.
I had a shower in my lovely clean bathroom and I did not leave it like a hurricane had blown through itā¦ ššš
We had a lovely nibbly lunchā¦
Now the photos do not do this food justice. They were all actually really nice unlike most oven food. In the foreground were kind of steamed dumplings with duck & hoisin sauce , to the left back, big chunks of fish on mushy peas in a crispy chip basket. Then thereās Yorkshire puds with beef in them and chorizo pigs in blankets!!! They are a game changer! They were all really good. Wish Iād kept the packets so I could remember where they came from.
Craig had the football on and now weāre sitting by the light of the tree watching Christmas movies.
Iām fairly certain thereās a nap in the postā¦. My eyes are heavy.
Iām super cosy, the dogs and Craig are asleep, the candles are lit and the tealight houses are all aglowā¦ is that even a word?!
I look like Iāve been dragged through a hedge backwards but Iām loving my Christmas Eve.
I hope that you all have a lovely day and a lovely Christmas Eve evening.
Another very busy day in the little gift shop and my last day working in 2023!
Iāve had the best day.
The weather has been dismalā¦.. so dreich and miserable but weāve had so many lovely customers inā¦ at times it seemed like we had no time to even breathe. As soon as we could, the kettle was on!
Itās just such a lovely time of year. (Iām not sure I have ever said that before ššš)
And wait till I tell you about last night. š
I was so tired when I got inā¦.. it would have been so easy to sit down and fall asleep.
I had a shower,got my makeup on and headed into the pub for 7pm as we had a village Christmas get together.
It turns out it was a quizā¦. I hate quizzesā¦. Am rubbish at general knowledgeā¦. š
Here I am with Rachel two doors down and Claire!
The quiz had four roundsā¦ in one of them we had to make a Christmas decoration. Hereās our wee guy!
We did really well in the quiz and I knew loads of the answers.
Here I am trying to count how many of Rudolphās reindeers names ended in -ERā¦. Not sure what seems to be wrong with my 4th fingerā¦. I got a fit of the giggles after that.
Yup in true Julie fashion I had the best night and our team WON THE QUIZ !!
Here is the winning team with our winning Toffifee prizes!
I think this is the new thing for me. I am discovering so many things that I donāt think I want to do but I actually really enjoy.
It really is good for thought for me. Iāve lived such a quiet life recently. Itās nice to enjoy things when I step outside that comfort zone.
When I came home from work today we popped into the pub and I had 0% pink gin and slimline tonic. We had a good gloat about being last nightsā winners of the quiz!
Iām back home and as I am writing thisā¦ without a word of a lie.. Santa just stepped out a car and into the pub!!
He is with one of his Elvesā¦ I wish Iād got a better picture. He looked very real.
Weāve had a lovely Chinese takeaway tonight and are watching the new Rebel Moon on Netflix.
My feet are upā¦ comfies on and more importantly the Christmas tree is twinkling away beside me.
I have nooooo photos from today but I am so shattered I could just sleep standing up.
We had an amazing day at the little gift shop but I feel like Iāve been taking gibberish for the last few hours. šš
I was awake at 5am and thought it was a good idea to read my bookā¦ why I didnāt go back to sleep is beyond me?! I could have had an extra 2.5 hours.. instead I read my book!! Which was lovely at the timeā¦.
The shop was really busy. We almost sold out of stock Gayle wasnāt planning to sell until January. It was just an amazing day!
Weāre off into the village pub tonight for a Christmas night with the neighbours.
I really need to jump in the shower to get moving but Iām so comfy sat here beside the lovely Christmas tree.
Get the flip flops ready!!
So with all that said, please forgive the shortest blog. Iāve been talking since about Wednesday lunchtime and Iāve not stoppedā¦. Iām craving some silence. šš
What a lovely night last night. The Boarding House in Howwood was lovely.
We started off for a few drinks in the Gateside Inn and then Lesley drove us to the Boarding House. It looks super festive.
Tee hee Evelyn is holding the door open while I take my photos!
I donāt have any photos of us at dinner as it was a big round table and impossible to get us all inā¦ here I am before I go out.
Although you canāt see it, I must tell you a funny story about the dress I wore.
First of allā¦ me in a dress. Doesnāt happen often.
More importantlyā¦. Where on earth did that dress come from?
I was looking for a black dress for the funeral today and came across a black dress that I have no recollection of buying. I have wrecked my brains. I donāt recall EVER having seen it before and it fits like a glove.
The dress I was looking for is nowhere to be seen and yet this one seems to be in its place. It has lovely lacy see through sleeves.
Not a clue where it came from.
A couple of pics of the lovely Evelyn and Anne!
Wait till you see the food!
I had sesame chicken strips with mustard mayo and Evelyn had bang bang cauliflower to start.
I had monkfish with chilli and garlic oil with flagrant rice and flatbread. Evelyn had Turkey with all the trimmings. (other meals were available but I wasnāt stretching over everyone for photos! šš
Dessert was Cranachan Pavlova. It was beautiful! also tasted as good as it looked.
We had lots of good chat and put the world to rights as we usually do.
We had Secret Santa and all got lovely gifts. It was such a nice night. I hit a wall after dessert and could have slept at the table!!
Thanks to Lesley for driving and to all the girls for a great night!
It was a crazy wild day today and I had so much anxiety about driving up to Perth. I was so nervous setting offā¦. Overthinking how bad the weather was. It was only a yellow warning and Iāve driven in red warnings beforeā¦ I knew it would be nothing but I think I have an āappetite for dramaāā¦. I pinched that from a podcast today! I heard it and thought that was SO true!!
I do and I haveā¦. An appetite for drama and suffering. I want to feel hard done to at times, I want people to feel sorry for me. Recognising it is half the battle. I will slap myself in the face with āappetite for dramaā quite regularlyā¦.. upon reflectionā¦ Craigā¦ in case youāre listeningā¦ slap me with this and Iām likely to slap you back ššš thatās just my ego talking. Iām allowed to recognise it. Iām not ready for anyone else to.
Apart from narrowly missing a pile up at the Braehead exit of the M8 (wow the adrenaline flooded through me!) and being blown off course on the M80ā¦. The drive was actually quite lovely. The sky cleared blue, although the wind was still blawinā a hoolie. It was nice to see so much of Scotland just before Christmasā¦ and in the daylight.
Once I found where I was going, I completely relaxed.
Driving home was a breezeā¦. (Thatās a bad metaphor as it was still wild!!) I drove like a pro. Itās like Iām two different people at times. š (actually Iām way more than two different people but thatās a different story. šš). Not a worry mmmon the road at all, weaving in and out of traffic. Second nature kicked back in.
So back home now. Christmas jammies on for a relaxing evening after more socialising than Iāve done in years. š
Today is the shortest day with sunrise at 8.46am and setting at 3.37pm.
The light is being born again. I love that idea. This is it folksā¦. Summer is a-coming. Get those flip flops at the ready!!
Also today is my fast-aversary!! Ok I made that word up. Itās a year since I started fasting and I have managed it for 365 days. Whoād a thunk it?!
I feel I have a long way to go but I am down a couple of dress sizes and Iām way more comfortable in my own skin. I always struggled with feeling bloated and I can honestly say Iāve not felt bloated once in a year.
Would you believe itās 35 years since the Lockerbie disaster.
I was sat with my dad in the carā¦ we were delivering Webb Ivory Christmas catalogue orders to Dadās Scout troopā¦. We were outside Kevin OāReillyās house in Penicuikā¦.when we heard that a plane had come ONE HOUR AND EIGHTEEN MINUTES drive away from our house. Itās also sad that Kevin OāReilly is no longer with us either. He was in my year at school.
Only 4 more sleeps until Santa comes. Iām not dreading Christmas this year. Iām embracing it quietly from the couch beside the beautiful Christmas tree.
So many bad things are happening all around me. To people that I love. These are not my stories to tell but they do have an effect on me. Not everyone is happy this Christmas and Iām more aware than ever that life is today, here and now and it is what you make it.
Iām currently sitting on the couch in my comfies with the first one in the bag and the second a couple of hours away.
Work passed really quickly today! I just had a few last things to finish off and then got the out of office on until 3rd January 2024!
Actually letās think about that for a minute?!?
2024 how is that even possible?!?! It feels like 3 mins since Y2K!!
The Tartan team went to Harbour Lights in Irvine this afternoon for our Christmas lunch.
The food was amazing. The place was heaving but they served 10 of us at the same time and the food was piping hot. I had a salt and chilli chicken wrap and shared chips with Ellison. No pics of the food as I scoffed it too quickly. šš
Here I am with Ellison and Gemma before all the boys arrived.
Asked boss man to take a photo of the table.
This is what Iām up againstā¦.. š¤¦š»āāļøšš
Here we all are! The team at Tartan HQ. Thankfully someone else stepped in to take it. šø
A perfect end to a good year for us!
So back home for a quick relax and rest ready to do it all again with the Crochet Hookers!!
We are going to the Boarding House in Howwood tonight for 7pm. Weāre meeting in the pub at 6pm for a drink before we head.
Oooh I got a 0% dark rum from my bosses today! Looking forward to trying that this weekend!
Hope youāve all had a lovely Wednesday.
Iām off up to Perth for a family funeral tomorrow but will get some pics of the Hookers tonight!
The Rambling Sloth š¦„ 