Day 1400 a real family kinda day (usually do stats recap on a big number day but will do them tomorrow!)

I woke up in a some lovely pink floweriness!

My old room is way prettier than it ever was when it was mine. I had a lovely sleep, went to bed at 9pm, never even heard mum and dad come up to bed! Slept until 7am and decided to go for an early morning walk before everyone got up.

The sunrise sky looked lovely.

Could I find the key to the front door to get out?!? Eh naw?!? I was locked in. Thankfully mum got up just in time. I had the loveliest walk!!

Really sadly… where am I standing used to be a field. I’m looking down from the extension of mum and dad’s street which now goes up into the field. There are massive housing estates built in these fields now.

The sunrise was lovely.

Everything looks so bright on the morning sun.

I walked all the way up to the high road… we never used to be able to do that… new housing estates mean new paths. Silver lining I guess.

The Pentland Hills looked beautiful.

I took this photo to capture my mood… I was buzzing, I felt so alive. I NEVER listen to music while I walk but I have found a band called Hollow Coves, I use them for reels a lot and find their music really happy and uplifting. It was lovely to walk to.

There were lots of snowdrops.

My friend Helen grew up down this road but I didn’t have time to walk as far as her old house.

Back in a bit of field that still exists looking over to Turnhouse hill.

So mum had organised a wee surprise for me this morning… I was meeting some of my aunties and one of my cousins for coffee this morning. At such short notice, not everyone she asked could make it. We did some shopping first. Here’s mum outside Penicuik’s answer to the little gift shop. Love that I made her pose outside it! 😂

Here she is outside the Penicuik Storehouse where we end for coffee.

We met my Auntie Christine and Auntie Dy and my wee cousin Fee and her youngest son. It was soooo lovely to see them all. It’s been way too long! When I was a kid we spent every Sunday together and now we haven’t met up in over 5 years… maybe more.

We had the loveliest catch up.

Then we headed off to South Queensferry with Dad, to meet Craig and my brother, sis in law and my nephew, for Mum’s birthday lunch. It’s her actual birthday tomorrow. Of course pics first!

The iconic Forth Rail Bridge.

The three Forth crossings though you have to really squint to see the two road bridges!

The Forth Road Bridges.

A crow!

This is the view looking out the door of our restaurant today… Thirty Knots.

Mushroom tacos for me… still rocking this vegan thing….

That is… until I get to dessert. Then dairy all the way with a Salted Caramel and Scottish tablet Sunday. Unfortunately the Scottish tablet was just fudge pieces but it was still lovely.

We were back home by 5pm.

I’ve had a lovely time but I’m back in my comfies with my feet up sitting in silence 😂😂😂 actually yawning my head off. A great few days with lots of catching up!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1399 train trip to Edinburgh for Auntie’s 70th birthday lunch! 🥳🎉🎂🎁🎊

First of all I need to cover the psychic night last night.

So…, parts of the floor show actually blew me away. They hit the spot with everything they said to one girl, literally yes, yes, yes, yes, yes…. One of them being her name. That was pretty fascinating to watch.

I’ve figured that the key to a good psychic reading is… either they hit you between the eyes with everything they say… or you have to be on the ball with people that you know have passed. I fall into the latter category. Most definitely not on the ball…. I didn’t connect with anything the psychic said to me. Until this morning…. The first person who came through to me was someone who died of lung cancer or COPD, there was a gravelly woman’s voice speaking through her.

Only person I could think of with breathing difficulties was my Grandpa and she apologised but said it’s definitely a woman. I drew a blank. Until this morning. 😂

I wish I had clicked at the time as I would love to have heard what she might have said to me. The lovely lady who loved the spooky trees on my blog. 😘 I think about her a lot and miss her even although we weren’t that close. She was my mother in laws friend. Just wish I’d been thinking of her last night. 🤦🏻‍♀️😘

So the rest of my reading was pretty much the same… a young woman who died of breast cancer? No… did I know the names… Nancy, Mary, Margaret, Jane…. No but they could be relatives on mum’s side. Someone who died or diabetes and rheumatoid arthritis… could have been Nana without the rheumatoid… and did I know the names Robert, Ian, William and a whole list of other older names. Again kind of as Nana’s brothers were William and Ian but by then I was too disappointed to believe anything.

The tarot cards said that money was good for me right now, it’s coming from lots of places… I’ll take that… but I had to watch as someone might try to steal some of it or something from me.

I was also about to suffer from lots of stress and depression soon so I have to trust the universe, which I do anyway. I’m taking the last few weeks as being my low point and believe I’m already working my way back out of it. She also said I had to take care of myself.

So believe psychics or not, I’ve been there and done it with no real desire to rush back.

When you suffer from anxiety, someone quick firing questions at you, is a sure fire way of emptying your mind!!

I’m sceptical but that last floor show was just spectacular. She can’t have known any of that.

Another great sleep last night and up early to get ready for my overnight trip to Mum and Dad’s.

I have Auntie Marion’s 70th birthday lunch today at Swanston Brasserie on the outskirts of Edinburgh and I’m getting the train to Edinburgh Park where I’ll meet mum and dad. Craig has to work today as does my brother so it’s a smaller family contingent today.

Tomorrow we have Mum’s birthday lunch so I’ll stay over and Craig will join us in South Queensferry at Thirty Knots.

Oh forgot to show my haircut photo from yesterday… this was it before…

You can’t really see it here but I’ve two inches off it’s so much more manageable!

I had time to wander round Glasgow so took some photos… of course I did.

This is Glasgow Central Station.

This is a street 😂😂 think it’s St Vincent Street but my memory ain’t what it used to be on all things Glasgow. 😂

This is our famous Duke of Wellington statue being typically Glaswegian. The cones are a bit different to normal.

This is George Square. The centre of Glasgow city.

Glasgow Queen Street station is on George Square.

My train is leaving from the low level platform, not been down here in years! It’s only because I’m meeting mum and dad on the outskirts of Edinburgh so I can’t get the express.

Only NINETEEN stations to go. 😂

Actually as I type this there’s a lot less… I am the blue dot.

There’s my train heading away towards Arthur’s Seat in Edinburgh.

Here’s the Brasserie on the slopes of the Pentland Hills.

So we had a lovely meal. I had cauliflower and red pepper curry with sticky rice which was just rice!

Mum had roasted butternut squash quiche.

Here’s my lovely dessert…. I had raspberry and pistachio semifredo for dessert. It was soooo good. I had no idea what semifredo was…. It’s like a solid semi frozen block (who knew 😂😂) with the pistachio and raspberries through it.

Auntie Marion treated us all to lunch which was really lovely of her.

After lunch we went for a walk up through the historic Swanston Village behind the Brasserie. Robert Louis Stevenson used to stay there. In all the years we’ve had family meals at the Brasserie, I’ve never seen the village.

It’s a lovely wee place with quaint, thatched cottages.

When you turn around and look back down the hill you get beautiful views over Edinburgh. Here’s Edinburgh Castle.

And Arthur’s Seat.

My first gorse bush of the year!

It was a lovely walk.

Back out to Penicuik and dad drove me round all the new housing estates beside them. Penicuik is growing fast!

We now have our feet up ready to do it all again tomorrow.

Happy Friday!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1398 a very busy Thursday!

I had the best sleep ever….

I got the first EXCELLENT from Fitbit! That shows the power of kinesiology too. It takes all the stress from you. Such a blessing.

I’ve been good today, I’ve been much calmer and more direct I think, rather than internally blowing my stack and keeping it to myself. I’ve said what I’m thinking….

Its also the busiest day so I will have to make this a quickie tonight.

I’m off across the road to get my hair cut in Elaine’s Gatden Room. I got vouchers for Christmas and usually only get my hair cut twice a year but it’s getting really straggly just now so I think I need something different… she says…. TRIM…. Will come out my mouth no doubt! 💇🏻‍♀️😂

Then… my friend Evelyn and I are off over to the village hall for a psychic night…. 😬

I have only ever been to something like that once so don’t really know what to expect. It’s to support the hall though so I thought I’d go. I’m always the one who says no to everything. 2024 is going to be different. Again.. she says… 😂😘

Here’s some lovely things I read this morning that made me smile.

All of them make sense to me given my mood over the last few weeks. I knew I was creating the noise by myself but I couldn’t seem to stop it without Kinesiology. Here was me thinking I had “graduated”…. I was just on a break.

So all calm today which is so lovely after the noise.

I’m off to Edinburgh tomorrow for Auntie Marion’s 70th birthday lunch and then staying over with Mum for her birthday lunch on Saturday. I have the gifts all ready thanks to the little gift shop but I’ve not packed a thing…. Guess who will be up early tomorrow morning?!?!

Have a great Thursday night and here’s hoping the psychic night doesn’t spook me too much 😂

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1397 Happy Valentines Day 🌹🌹🌹🌹

The boy done well…. As the saying goes. 🫶🏼♥️🌹

I was a very lucky girl and I got 12 red roses delivered to work.

My card from Criag made me laugh too.

He also had a veggie Carbonara waiting for me when I came home.

It was really tasty!

I’ve been eating vegan and veggie for the last few weeks, as much as possible, so it really touched me that he took that into account.

I was rushing home for a Kinesiology appointment tonight… I needed something to calm the chaos in my head, also lovely to get dinner in time to head up to the laptop.

And it does exactly that….. I’ve been fighting my reality for the last few weeks but she told me that lots of people are feeling the same this year. So many of us are experiencing huge pressure make changes. It was nice to hear that I am not the only one.

We worked on bringing me back to my community, everyone and every group of people involved in my life. I’ve been repelling everything and fighting it, all in my head. It all sounds mumbo jumbo but I LOVE Health Kinesiology.

It has given me a peace and calm that is priceless after the chaos of the last few weeks.

Long may that continue.

The Scottish Dog Behaviourist also wished everyone a happy Valentines day today. What a lovely photo!

So yeah… I hope this is the calm after the storm and I know that I control that. I’m looking forward to seeing what the next week brings.

Meanwhile, comfies on, 4 puppers asleep beside me, Manifest on the TV.

And a whole lot of calm.

Oh and roses, there are lovely roses.

Didn’t he do well?!

Stay safe everyone 🌹🌹🌹

Day 1396 a slightly better day ☀️

I’m so grateful to be sleeping despite all this anxiety. Another good night.

I had a really lovely evening it myself last night and even drank a WHOLE bottle of alcohol free Rosé! Decadent huh?! It was super chill and relaxed. It helped my head.

I woke feeling brighter this morning, a sliver of hope that the worst may have passed. I spend a bit of time on my phone looking for positivity and I got hit between the eyes with it…. Here are a few to share.

I hear ya…

If there’s no joy then time is covering up the present moment. That’s exactly what I’m doing just now, I’m panicking about time passing me by… not focussing on the moment st hand.

All I am focussing on are the problems, I can’t see beyond them to the possibilities but I can see that today….

And this…… this will be the year.

I had an ok day today. The sun shone outside and it was cold but lovely. I came home and walked Calaidh and Freya… it was a lovely end to the day… I chatted to mum.

then… I made dinner… another Green Chef vegan delivery… mushroom “shepherds” pie.

It was really super tasty.

So it’s late before I sit down but I’ve emptied and refilled the dishwasher too. It’s the first time I’ve felt like doing anything in the evening and it feels good.

Just one step at a time.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1395 a lovely evening chilling

I slept so well last night until 4am and then had work swirling round in my head for the next 2 hours.

I’ll get an early night tonight.

My anxiety was sky high this morning. Head spinning, stomach churning, chaos.

It passes mid morning and I settle into a calmer day with a few irritable flare ups.

It was a lovely day…. The sun was shining and it got windy and wet just before I left work at 4.

I went for diesel and bought some chilli heatwave Doritos and some mini eggs. I came home and had a spinach and ricotta pizza with a lovely glass of alcohol free rosé. Not the healthiest of diets but I’ve really enjoyed it.

Don’t be fooled into thinking that Khaleesi is missing out on this, she lying by my right elbow!!

The rosé is lovely.

I’m watching Manifest on Netflix. I’m really enjoying it.

I’m not out of this strange spell yet but I’m still focussing on gratitude while I go through it. That is so unlike the person I used to be. I’m proud of myself when I am aware of things like this.

The universe is trying to tell me something and I just need to stop screaming at myself long enough to listen.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1394 into Glasgow!

Another amazing sleep and I got up at 8am… I went to let the dogs out but ended up not going back up to bed like I had planned.

I’m so lucky that I can sleep. My head is in turmoil, it’s churning round and round. I can’t settle. Chaos in my soul indeed.

I decided to take Khaleesi and Freya out this morning. The mist cleared and this wonderful sun appeared. It was huge.

While it was cold there was a lovely warmth to it. We had a lovely walk.

The sun really helped calm my mind and helped me breathe.

It was really beautiful ☀️

The mist came back in again and it’s been a fairly meh day weather wise. Writing this makes me realise how lucky I am to have had such a nice walk this morning.

I wanted to go to Run 4 It in Glasgow, this morning as I really wanted some running trainers that would keep my feet dry.

I want to run more but without wet feet!

You run on a treadmill in here and they record your gait so it means I’d get shoes that “shouldn’t” hurt my knee.

The trainers I bought for the Fit Body Farm just seem to soak up the water on the road. I’m not charging straight into puddles but they are squelching by the end of the run.

So the shop assistant said there was no such thing as indoor or outdoor running shoes. She smiled and said if we run outside we just have to accept that our feet will get wet…. 😳 my mood makes me incensed at this… while I smile sweetly through gritted teeth. I try to tell her when I bought my existing trainers there we picked the indoor ones…. From the same shop…. but she’s having none of it…. 😆 Then she produces 2 pairs of water resistant trainers.

She says they were both good for my gait so I picked a pair of Nike that are khaki and maroon.

There are no prices in Run 4 It…. When I took them up to the till I freaked and then wanted to back out but couldn’t. I can barely decide what I want to eat for dinner let alone what trainers to buy. I did get them in the sale and got about £12 off… they are in the house and I will decide sometime when my head stops screaming at me. (Also turns out that Nike advertise them as waterproof…. Who’d a thunk it?!? 😂)

We then went to a place called Jojo Mac for lunch and had a veggie burger. Craig had a burger burger 😆 we haven’t been in Glasgow city centre for a long time!! It felt really strange and honestly, while the food was good, Glasgow was not actually that nice…. Sooo many people!!! I am definitely not a city person anymore, if I ever was.

We came home and I took Calaidh and Bhruic a walk while Craig make some enquiry calls.

I’m angry this afternoon….. my head won’t shut up, round and round blaming everything and everyone. And yet this…… is what I need to listen to.

I am creating all of this noise inside my head all by myself. The chaos is so loud, I just want to shake it all out.

As u say that I am very calm writing this which really helps. The calm is so welcome when it comes.

I know that this will pass…. I just have to sit with the discomfort until it does… without the wine to numb it.

I will still say that this is a reminder to make the most of the week ahead and try to be in the present moment as often as you can. do as u say not as I seem to be doing right now 😂😘

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1393 a lovely wee trip to Luss with Gayle 🚙🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿💙

Another fantastic sleep… yesterday’s anxiety left me exhausted. We went to bed about 8.30pm and I slept right through until 6.30am.

I didn’t feel great this morning. I guess you could say today was a day of two halves but the opposite from yesterday.

I felt really tearful, I tried to hide it as no one wants to live with Negative Nelly. It just shows you that I have a lovely day ahead but I’m still not feeling great. My friend Tracey in Canada said something yesterday that has sat with me…. What are you trying to ignore? Is something not dealt with that you’re trying to preteen is fine?

Wow. Exactly that…..

I think of all the positives of today but still my stomach churns. I feel so out of sorts, should I cancel, should I go? I know I’m going to go but there’s an anxiety about it that’s irrational.

I head out with Bhruic and Calaidh, forget my phone because my head’s all over the place and bump into my neighbour Holly…. She makes the mistake of asking how I am… tears. Magic… she goes and gets her dog and comes with me. It’s freezing this morning and a bit misty but it’s lovely to have company on the walk.

No photos obviously….

I jump in the shower and head down for Gayle just after 10 and we drive up the side of Loch Lomond to Luss.

She knows I’m feeling rough but she doesn’t push me until I’m ready to chat. We catch up on the day to day.

We got to a lovely coffee shop that Claire first took me to, the Coach House in Luss. We had a lovely cheese and coleslaw roll…. I can’t decide what I want so I order the same as Gayle and it’s lovely.

I then had a Banoffee Coffee….. THE most delicious flavoured coffee ever AND a scone with cream and jam. Very decadent but so lovely. Gayle treated me to lunch which was so lovely of her (especially after I ate so much!!)

We went for a wander round the lovely gift shops and down to the pier.

Luss is the really beautiful heritage village that was featured on Take the High Road. It’s so pretty but hard to get a decent photo today with the resident’s car parking.

It’s lovely when everyone has flowers outside their houses in spring and summer.

This beautiful building is a gift shop.

And THIS is the view from the front door. Stunning.

Ben Lomond is in the mist above my head… it’s raining now.

You can almost see the snow covered Ben in this photo.

Out on the pier looking back onto the village.

This is another lovely street in the village.

We had a lovely wander round and it was really good to talk to Gayle and try to make sense of some of the intrusive thoughts in my head.

I definitely felt better for it. Some of our chat stopped the stomach churning so it really helped.

We drove back home and stopped on the banks of Loch Lomond near a huge puddle at Duck Bay Marina. I wanted to get some photos.

My friend Helen will be so proud of these reflections in a puddle. A mahoosive puddle. It always floods here.

Loch Lomond itself was pretty high water.

I was never going to cancel today but I’m so glad we went.

Back home and Craig arrived back just behind me. 3 mobile phone service has been down for a lot of the day so we couldn’t phone each other.

We popped into the pub to catch the end of the rugby and had a lovely catch up with some neighbours.

So yeah, I’ve had a lovely day. I feel really insular and quiet, I don’t know quite what to make of anything or where to put myself but I’m calm for now. Comfies on, football only has 3 minutes left to go (praise the Lord) and maybe then we’ll get a good movie on.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1392 a day of two halves 🥳🥹 I know I’ve used this title before 🙄

I had the best sleep. I woke at 6am, no tension and felt really happy. I was soooo looking forward to my day off. When Craig’s alarm went off at 7.30am, I ruffled his hair, said “guess who’s feeling better today?” And started to fill him in on Iceland’s latest eruption. I was buzzing. Poor Craig had barely opened his eyes and I’m shoving my phone into his face. 😆

I didn’t realise that it started yesterday. Thankfully it seems everyone was evacuated safely but this lava has moved faster than the last couple of eruptions and has covered the road junction for the Blue Lagoon. It’s awful for everyone involved as I’m sure the Blue Lagoon was heaving every day and it’s had to close a lot these last few months. Now it will need a new road. (I might have this all wrong but that’s my afternoon caffeine induced anxiety talking…)

I had a lovely morning. I went a run with Rachel two doors down. we ran for over 2 miles. I found it hard but I was so glad we did it.

I came back in to this…. The dog master.

I sat and had a coffee with Craig. Didn’t go for decaf…. 🤦🏻‍♀️🙄

Then back out for a much slower jog with Freya and Calaidh. Love how Freya always looks back at me when I take the camera out! (Phone… obvs 🙄)

I had my shower and set off for my appointment at Viv’s Nails and Beauty to get my toes and eyebrows done. I wittered away like a budgie to Viv. I told her I felt quite hyper today. 😆

I then went to the little gift shop for some birthday presents and spent AGES choosing what I wanted. Lovely to see Gayle but I’m meeting her tomorrow so I said we couldn’t talk about anything of any importance 😂😂

By that time it was around 1pm so I headed to Curiosity coffee shop and had an oat milk latte with a lovely bit of cake. What a way to break my fast.

It was soooo good, super tasty. The cake is like something Gran would make with marshmallows, glacé cherries 🍒 and coconut.

I have been churned up ever since. On the way home I felt the butterflies in my stomach so badly I felt sick. Really squeamish. In no way, shape or form was it anything to do with what I ate but I think the caffeine and sugar has hit me the wrong way.

I cleared out the kitchen, moving things around as it had become really cluttered, and put lots of things away in cupboards, but I can’t shake the squeam. I’ve sat down on the couch to watch tv to take my mind off it but I can’t find the tv remote anywhere…. It’s bright orange and not easily missed.

Tracey in Canada just sent me this… she has no idea that I spent the afternoon on looking for a remote!!

I literally just want to cry. I think I am creating a panic attack… oh there are the tears. It might take me a while but I can usually get to the bottom of things writing this.

I think the cheeriness from this morning came from a misplaced anxiety. I can’t seem to shake it this last few weeks. I think maybe I need to consider medication again. I don’t want to but can’t cope with this level of fear. Can’t see to type let alone find the orange telly buttons… I’ve just gone through to the bathroom to try to be sick. Nothings coming up but I’m retching. What a state to get into.

I used to live on coffee to get me through the day… and now 2 have given me heart palpitations.

I’ve had some work stuff to do today which has generated a bit of anxiety…. I’m making it bigger than it is and haven’t switched off to work like I usually do.

It’s been a jittery few weeks on and off.

Craig just called and it really helped to speak to him.

He has the orange tv remote in his pocket!!

That made me laugh…… I was going mad looking for it!

So yeah… honest blog again. Anxiety doesn’t want me to put it out but I will cause that’s what I do. I’ll just not be able to look anyone in the eye ever again 😂😂😂

How lovely is this card I found in the little gift shop.?

The tv remote is now home. My life is complete.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1391 finally some exercise 🚶🏽‍♀️🚶🏽‍♀️

I slept ok but woke with a thumping headache and was super tense. I’m fairly certain I’m doing this to myself. I’m still fighting something rather than relaxing into reality.

I felt surprisingly ok when I got up and got moving. The headache passed pretty quickly.

I tried to have a present moment shower but Anne McNerlin keeps popping up as it was her who told me about being present during your shower. It does make me laugh. 😆

I’ve felt ok today, a couple of wobbles, a bit of anxiety and some moments where I felt totally in control the anxiety was nothing like yesterday so I’m grateful for that. .

I know I’m over analysing everything. I’ve felt so low this week and I guess I worried about sinking back down the way. If I stop long enough to really focus. I know I am streets ahead of where I was. I don’t understand why I’ve felt so low. Think lots of people are the same just now.

So I’ve decided I need more exercise.

I met Gemma, from work, tonight down at Barassie beach and we did a 5K walk in the biting wind and light rain… don’t laugh at our selfie.

It was sooooo cold and I forgot to take my hat. It took us an hour but we walked into strong headwind on the way there. it was so much warmer when we turned back.

Gemma’s dog was bombing about on the beach having a blast.

Haha fashion oot the window!

Looking over to Troon harbour where the Arran ferries are sheltering from the next storm that’s coming.

Here’s our headlights as we left.

I’m really glad we did that. It would have been too easy to miss it tonight, the weather was pretty bad. I would never have done that by myself and it’s great to have company to exercise. I hope we can do it more. The beach is 11 minutes drive from my work. Can’t beat that.

So it’s my weekend now. I’m so looking forward to the time off after working all of last weekend. The weather is going to be pretty rough again but I’ll try to get out and about as much as I can. I know exercise helps my mood. I need to get back at it.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1390 an anxious Tuesday… 😧😱🫨 (just about to post and realised it’s Wednesday… leaving that in 😂😂)

I had the best sleep.

I went up to bed last night at 8pm and went to sleep just after 9pm….Out for the count until 5am when I woke up to remember something I hadn’t ordered at work…. The day continued in much the same vein.

I have a dodgy tum which could be due to the introduction of a vegan meal yesterday… 😂 I have butterflies in my stomach … I don’t feel quite right.

There was a car right behind me most of the way to work… I was super anxious driving while he was behind me. I didn’t relax at all and made silly mistakes.

It didn’t stop there, I was super anxious all morning, breathless and panicky at one point. It was coming over me in waves. I felt really jittery. Like I’d drank a pot of coffee. I felt an impending sense of doom that everything was going to go wrong.

I’d seen this first thing and was determined to use it all day…… out the window at the first sign of nerves.

So yeah it’s honestly not been the best day. I texted Craig about it all and the anxiety did calm a bit after I’d put “pen to paper”. I realised how crazy it all sounded.

I’ve not been this anxious in a while. I’ve not been right for a few days now.

Anxiety always leads me to feeling worthless. It kicks me when I’m down.

We just had a hammer on the window to say a dog had been hit by a car outside and that it looked like Khaleei. My legs went to jelly, I started shaking….. Craig confirms it’s not Khaleesi as she’s there beside him, but it turns out to be a neighbours dog. I hug Khaleesi tight. They track down the neighbours dog and it’s thankfully ok.

Today I seem to be collecting things to worry about. Enjoying the drama that anxiety brings. Fighting it rather than letting it pass.

I know that it will pass.

I made a Butternut Squash Thai infused curry for dinner with brown rice.

Khaleesi is licking her lips. It most definitely is “not for puppies”. That’s my stock phrase!

So tomorrow is a new day.

I’m fine it’s just been an off day.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1389 Happy 9th Birthday Calaidh! 🥳🥳🥳

Not gonna lie I was sitting with the blog completely stuck about what to say today…. Then I remembered it was Calaidh’s 9th birthday! Craig said he’s been wishing her happy birthday all day. Bad dog mumma forgetting.

He’s our puppy Calaidh!

In the famous tartan bed with her polar bear! It’s only famous as it had been in Craig’s family for years until either her or Bhruic completely destroyed it. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

I can’t believe she is 9 already. We got her for Craig’s 40th. Here’s a few of her best pics… she’s a poser.

This next one makes me laugh as it feels like a withering look….. here she goes again… other photo….

Just throw the ball already!!

Here have it back… story of our lives 🎾🎾🎾

She’s a funny wee soul… obsessed with tennis balls, runs a mile of someone coughs or sneezes, annihilates any toy that comes near here but she’s the most cuddly girl.

Tried to get a selfie with her but it’s not working. Getting lots of cuddles though.

Anyhoo…. It saved me from talking about my day. 😂

Compared to how I felt yesterday, I have been really good. I’ve been focussed on the present moment.

I’ve not been fighting reality. That’s always helps. I’ve been a bit foggy minded but that’s ok, it’s been a busy few days. Gonna get a super early night tonight again.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1388 a wee day off for rest…. and peace 💜

Ok so I’m not in a great headspace today and I’m so glad I took a day off work.

I’ve needed rest and peace today.

Last year I managed to work right through the 11 days, but I knew I needed a break today. It’s 1.20pm and I’m still in my jammies. It’s wild out there. It actually feels way more like a sick day than a day off but that’s exactly what I need.

I’m really tearful. It’s time of the month so that is the main reason for raging hormones but I feel like I have a wrecking ball inside my head, bashing everything that I am and everything that I have and everything that I do… desperate to run away and just travel the world. Let’s face it everyone wants to spend their whole life on holiday 🙋🏻‍♀️😂

I lay in bed until 9ish and found a really good article by The Mighty, ten songs to help on mental health days and boy did I cry through some of them. Others were uplifting…. It did help to listen to them.

I explained it all to Craig this morning and cleared my head a bit.

So….. we’ve booked some holidays, first off, a week in South Wales, in July, for us and the 4 puppers. It’s a cottage that allows 4 dogs… it’s really cute and has a hot tub.

There’s a review that says “holidays with 4 dogs is not always easy” and that spoke to me as they had a great time staying here! The dogs are secured in the garden which is great and welcomed into the cottage. We obviously will clean more than usual when you stay somewhere with 4 dogs so it will be in as good condition when we leave. I hope it will be good weather in July.

I’ve blown the dogs out of all proportion in my head and feel like they are the reason we can’t go anywhere or do anything. Actually, separately, I’m fine with them all, it’s just collectively I have anxiety that 4 dogs is too many to take anywhere. So I need to do a bit of work on that.

I have the fear leaving them for someone else too as it seems like a burden, so in my head it’s a no win situation. I’m not angry but my mind is causing the same effect, creating boiling water.

Craig is obviously more than capable of handling them all and so this seems the perfect place.

Then… check us….we booked our next trip to Iceland for 6th December…. So this year we are already have more holidays to look forward to, than we’ve had in a long time. It’s great when you book with love holidays, you can pay up in monthly instalments.

It’s 4pm now and I’ve made a Coconut Curry that I’ve had delivered from Green Chef.

I have a portion ready for lunch and one for dinner tomorrow. I’m keen to eat more healithy again and to try some vegan meals for a change. I’m not a massive fan of meat at times, so we’ll see how this goes and if it’s rotten, I’ll go straight back to the meat.

Green Chef give you the recipes and ingredients and you put it all together. I have 3 codes for your first box for free and £10 off the second and third box if anyone is interested.

I feel a bit better now. I’m glad I took the day.

I definitely need to take life less seriously at times. Note to self.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1387 the last day of the Scottish Caravan Show!

Yay we are finally done!

I don’t remember being this tired last year but I’m sure I was.

I’ve had to give in and take the day off tomorrow. I honestly feel like I crawled home tonight. (It doesn’t help that my period started yesterday so I’m generally feeling pretty low anyway.) I found it hard to concentrate driving home, but had to negotiate the diversion too.

You’d never have guessed if you saw me today. All sweetness and light and bubbly until the last hour I reckon 😂 by that time I could hardly remember my own name 😂😂😂

It’s been a great 4 days meeting so many lovely people and I hope we generate lots of great business from it. Here we are at the start of the day….

And here we are at the end when we’re all packed up…. The van’s will be moved tomorrow.

It felt different for me this year, last year I was generally buzzing , this year was a bit quieter so while there was the buzz when chatting to someone, there was also a lot of time spent smiling and nodding at people as they went past. 😂

So I have to be honest and say I’m not in the best headspace and I accept that I need a rest.

I love this next one… “even if your head feels like a jar of angry bees….” A lovely way with words…

Hope you all had a great weekend and here’s to a great week ahead.

Early night for me!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1386 the third day at the Scottish Caravan, Motorhome and Mobile Home Show 💜🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

I am sooooo tired.

I’m just home (it’s 5.30pm) and am so grateful to have got away a half hour early.

Our main road up to Glasgow is closed so there was a bit of a diversion on this weekend, all to be avoided. Glasgow Rangers were playing in Ibrox near where I was and the game was due to finish at 4.45am, so I got away just before that.

I went in early to get some photos of the Waverley which is moored at the Science Centre in Glasgow. It wasn’t the best light.

Can’t wait to get back out in her this year.

We’ve had a busy day today.

Much busier than the last two.

Lots of lovely people!!

I hit the wall after lunch about 2.30pm. I nipped into the loo and could gladly have slept leaning up against the mirror. 😂😂😂

There was a lovely sunset on the way home. The sky was stunning. The photos don’t do it justice.

I pulled into a lay-by on the diversion. The road was surprisingly quiet.

My jammies are on, my feet are up. I’ve been promised a takeaway and I’ll get a nice early night.

My knees aren’t sore at all despite all the standing around which is great news. Focus on the positives.

Only 5 more days of work till a break, I’m over half way through… woo hoo!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1385 day 2 of the Scottish Caravan Show 💜🚐💜

I had a great sleep… went to bed with straight hair and woke in a bit of a lather with very curly hair 👩🏻‍🦱

It’s really mild today… was 11°C this morning!

Not gonna lie… I am tired tonight. I hit a wall about 3pm.

Today was really good. We met lots of nice people again today, it was a good bit busier thankfully. I do what I do best and talk to everyone. Love chatting to people I don’t know and making them smile.

I spotted a guy I used to work this and it was SO lovely to catch up. We had a huge hug. 🤗 He was made redundant from my old work in 2015 so it’s been almost 9 years since I saw him. He just disappeared as people do there. He had no idea what had happened to me and was really surprised to hear I’d been off sick and then made redundant for anxiety and depression. Sorry my position had become redundant…. He said I was a really strong character and I laughed and told him times had changed 😂😂

It means a lot to me that he said that without even thinking. It reminds me of who I was back then. A different version of me.

Please don’t think I’m putting myself down here by reminiscing about what was. I know what I’ve gone through to get here and despite it all, I am truly grateful to have learned what I have about myself.

So yeah a lovely day. Buzzing to share who we are and what we do.

Only 2 more days of the show to go then an other 4 at work until a break. I’ve worked 5 so far and 6 to go so nearly there!

My parking sensors haven’t been working since Tuesday. They’ve been beeping really loudly all the time. Yesterday they started nee-nawing at me 😂 I videoed it to send to our auto electrician. He was so kind to turn up at the end of the show today, as he lives nearby, to try to fix it. He sprayed all the sensors with some alcohol to dry them out. He realised that one of them was missing altogether and it had fallen back in through the hole. It was constantly beeping as it was picking up the body of the car! It’s pretty obvious when you think about it. so gaffer taped back in for now and all good. He’ll glue the next time he’s passing.

The car was also in the garage on Wednesday for brakes which turned out to be no fault found. Happy with that.

Hope you all have a great weekend and here’s hoping for 2 busy and fast show days!

Stay safe everyone 💜♥️💜

Day 1384 the Scottish Caravan, Motorhome and Mobile Home Show 2024 day 1 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿💜

What a beautiful start to the day… I spotted this Scotland flag 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 above the house just before I left… of course I had to jump out and take a photo!

It was quite spectacular 💙🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿💙

It the first of 4 days with Tartan at the Caravan Show on the SEC.

We have our customer’s purple van in our stand! 💜💜 it’s getting lots of attention for its colour.

Our other Fiat Ducato is on the BC Motorhomes stand round in the next hall.

I’ve had plenty time to wander about the other vans today too. It’s been surprisingly quiet. We are in the same location as last year but the hall behind us is open too so I think lots of people are walking into that hall rather than coming along our corridor. Hope the next 3 days are busier.

I’ve still really enjoyed it. I did a “come and see us” video for the Tartan Camper FB page, one take, don’t overthink it…. Post it, done!

So yeah, home, pub for a wee 0% G &T and now making dinner… only 7 more working days to go before I get a break 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

Head wise I’m good because I’m busy and doing what I do best…. Talking to people!!!

Stay safe everyone 💜💜💜

Day 1383 a really stormy day! 💨💨🌧️🌧️💨💨

Wow where did that storm come from today?!? The last few storms have had names… I heard no mention of this one coming…. So this was just wind! 💨💨💨😆

I think the difference is the last couple have been worst overnight while this one raged during the day. There was a good couple of gusts I really worried for the porta cabin! Thankfully I provided adequate ballast. 😆

Tried a new photo angle 😂😂

Scary!

I had a fab sleep last night, earplugs and eye mask, took my progesterone and paracetamol for a sore head, what a picture eh?!?!

I’ve still be a bit all over the place today but this is a prime example of how my FB feed works for me.

This next one… everything this last week has been resistance. Not living in the present moment. Not loving the present moment.

And this…. Oh yeah!

Anyway , I best dash, I’ve made dinner, eaten it, written this and am meeting the Crochet Hookers in 5 minutes in the pub next door! Gotta go hook!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1382 an antsy day with a stunning windswept sunset!

I slept like a log last night but woke in a complete lather of perspiration…. Us ladies perspire obviously…. Oh come on I was sweating buckets 😂😂 the sheets were soaking again but at least I hadn’t realised and it didn’t keep me awake.

I’ve been antsy and irritable all day today. Completely self inflicted and all in my own head. I didn’t really relax. I wasn’t in the present moment. I was focussed on anything but the present moment.

I knew I had to fix it so headed down to the sea for sunset. It’s been a beautiful day today, albeit, really cold. The sun has shone for the first time in a while. It was lovely to see.

The sunset was spectacular… hereby follows a million photos of the setting sun, but to set the picture….. I was FREEZING… completely under dressed for the weather. Check this….

😂😂 I was being slapped in the face by the sand…. It was really quite sore on my freezing cold face. The phone was covered in sand which didn’t seem great so I didn’t stay too long. But it was so beautiful!!

It was so windy it was difficult to keep the phone straight…. Hence some wonky photos 😂😂

The birds were floating about on the thermals… it was lovely to watch. They kept sweeping on by.

A lovely sky…. And it did the trick.

Back home and the house was sooooo cold but definitely warmer than the beach!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1381 a bright and busy Monday

I didn’t sleep well last night. I had night sweats and woke at 2.35 with a thumping head and soaking wet sheets. I’m very lucky that doesn’t happen to me often.

My 2.40am hunt for paracetamol was fruitless… I was sure they were in my handbag… but no, couldn’t find them. I should say here I have THE tiniest handbag…. The paracetamol were all present and correct when I checked the handbag at 7.15am before work… of course they were. 😆

I woke again at 4.30 and just before 6… too hot so out from under the downie, then freezing. The joys.

Thankfully the headache didn’t return…

Also Bhru had been quite badly sick after yesterday’s blog so I was pleased to see she had been fine overnight.

As I lay in bed I searched for that rotten feeling so I could be justified in staying off sick. I couldn’t face work. I hadn’t slept, I’d be shattered, I’d be grouchy, my head hurt, did I have stomach cramps…. Etc….

I gave myself a shake, got out of bed at the alarm and have been absolutely fine all day. Neither up nor down. If anything I’ve been good…. Check my reluctance at admitting to that.

Our ego is a funny thing. It wants to wallow in the sadness, the injustice of things but actually I seem to be able to see it now and shut her up. I’m smiling at that. It’s good to smile after the last few days.

A lovely sky tonight.