What a lovely ring day 1888 has.

It’s no wonder I can’t seem to stop writing this blog as I can some sense of satisfaction watching the numbers click up.

I slept well but woke up at 5am.

I felt exhausted.

It’s a beautiful day and Donna Ashworth’s journalling prompt encouraged us to look for the magic.

I saw the lovely blue sky and the way the light was shining on the wall of the pub next door. The lush dark green ivy being all lit up…. It was beautiful.

It was a quiet day at work today…. And I honestly think that sometimes I might just have far too much time to be in my own head.

I didn’t know where to put myself today.

I was soooo tired.

I couldn’t think straight.

I couldn’t concentrate.

I tried to do so many tasks and kept hitting brick walls… all of them inside my own head.

My head felt really antsy.

I am full of tension.

I can’t sit still.

I am resisting something or fighting something that I can’t quite put my finger on.

I wish I was able to sit with uncomfortable feelings.

I am raging at them all the time.

What now?!?!

Honest to god I am hard work.

So…… I’m picking Gayle up in 10 minutes and we’re off to the beach.

Being kind to myself.

We went to Portencross. 🫶🏼 with the beautiful Isle of Arran in the distance.

Portencross Castle.

I love the old pier.

We saw this lovely wee deer 🦌 standing about in another field. That’s my second one this week!

We had a lovely walk and a good chat.

Just what the doctor ordered.

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️

It has rained on and off all day today… it’s pouring outside as I type.

I had another lovely 8 hours sleep and struggled to get out of bed when the alarm went off.

I decided to walk the dogs before work this morning.

I knew I wasn’t feeling that great this morning. I thought the walk would do me good.

And it did.

It was raining and the sky was very grey and yet everything was still very green.

It was very quiet. Just how I like it.

Being out in the fresh air was definitely helping to clear my head.

The roadside verges are so pretty and overgrown at this time of year.

The burn is really low and hardly moving.

We’re on a mission!

You notice the dogs are never in the same order… They swap about all the time!

The look like they’re chattering away to each other.

I love the old gates that are along the main road. There are 3 of them.

The rust is eating it away.

None of them are functional gates anymore, which is just as well. Don’t think they’d hold anything in anymore.

And on we plod.

I really had to push myself to do it and I was glad I did.

I still felt a bit weird at work first thing….. I had a fear. A sense of impending doom.

I did a quick 3 minute breathing exercise with the Silver Cloud CBT app. That helped a bit.

I had an awful feeling that something was wrong.

My heart rate was up.

I never got to the bottom of why.

It just was.

The rest of the day went fine and Craig made a lovely dinner when I got home.

We’ve got our feet up and watching Dept Q on Netflix. It’s set in Edinburgh and even features Mortonhall Crematorium!

Hope you all had a lovely Monday.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I slept for 9.5 hours without waking up….. well apart from Calaidh barking at 11.30pm… I was out for the count.

Even then I couldn’t wake up. I dozed on and off in bed until nearly 9am.

I seem to be really tired come Sunday.

I woke up with bad hay fever. Nose blocked, eyes itchy and sneezing like a mad thing.

I don’t feel great.

I think the CBT app hits the nail on the head when it says you need some routine or structure to your days… that you should get up at the same time every day and try not to oversleep.

I think I feel worse after an afternoon of rest and a long sleep.

I noticed Craig hadn’t messaged yet so I checked the Find My Friends app to see where he was……… already half way home!

SURPRISE!! 🫣😆

I got ready straight away and took the dogs for a lovely long walk.

We went a different way… they were really confused 😆

It looks like they’re talking to each other 😆

Calaidh and Freya off lead. I still don’t have the same level of trust with Khaleesi and who knows what lies around the corner.

She’s munching away at the grass.

The track is beautiful at this time of year.

I sit on Tom Marshall’s bench to “rest a while and enjoy the view”

The view is well worth the walk.

Calaidh’s happy to have a rest.

Khaleesi never stops looking around her.

We cross into the next field and I let Khaleesi off lead. They have loads of fun running around as Khaleesi tries to inhale cow pats….. disgusting 🤮

Posing in front of a very old gate!

Back to the bench on the way back down.

Beautiful colours in the early morning sun.

Even the long grass is pretty.

Everything is so green but it’s not muddy at all… this walk can get very muddy at times.

This farm outbuilding always makes me feel like I’m abroad somewhere.

Calaidh having a shake!

Pretty flowers.

Look who’s home by the time we get back!

They were so pleased to see him.

So I had no idea what to do today and have ended up sitting reading a book. I’m reading The Dream Home by TM Logan and I can’t put it down.

Bhru is enjoying being home too…. Don’t think they had the best nights’ sleep last night with it being so windy.

They were all playing in the garden and I thought this photo was hilarious!!

So that’s me, I’ve had a lovely weekend. I do think I start to feel better, I need to build in a bit less rest and a bit more structure as too much rest is making me feel a bit lazy rather than being needed, if that makes sense.

We’re going to watch a movie together now, if I can put my book down for long enough 😆😘

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I woke about 5.45am after a fairly good sleep.

Freya slept on the bed last night and I never heard her move at all.

Craig and Bhruic are still down in Port William on the south coast of Scotland.

I got up and let the dogs out the back before getting really to head to Lynsey’s for a run.

It’s perfect running weather this morning. very still, calm and cool.

The sun is lovely.

There are so many hills when we run from Lynsey’s house but absolutely stunning scenery.

The reservoir is so calm, the reflections were amazing.

Selfie with a view.

We got some shots when we got back to Lynsey’s….

Turns out I hit quite a few best efforts…. I’m assuming this was on the way back…. Downhill!! I’m really pleased with that.

Back home, fed the dogs and off out with them!

The sun is still desperately trying to break through!

Love all these cows lying together in this field.

The deer I saw yesterday was still lying in the field…. In a different spot but it seems so strange it just lying there like that.

The field is so pretty just now.

Everything is growing.

Loved this foxglove growing by itself.

With this white one nearby.

And a lovely rose in the Memorial Hall garden.

Think the focus is on one of the dead flowers here but you get the gist…. All very pretty this morning.

It’s still only 9am!!!

I spent the rest of the day in the house.

I did housework until lunchtime. Gave everything a good clean. Then remembered I have a husband and dog returning from camping tomorrow….. 🥴😬🫣😆

I had washed Craig’s woollen cardigan for the first time… lots of dye coming out of that.

Then rolled it up in a towel to dry.

Very domesticated!

I spent the afternoon crocheting and watching The Survivors on Netflix. It was really good. Set in Tasmania.

Khaleesi makes me look tiny in this photo. I think she’s really missing Craig. I’m not as much fun as he is. 😆

Love this wool that Evelyn gave me. Baby blanket finished.

I did some modules on the Silver Cloud CBT app which was really good. It says when you feel low you should schedule activities and make sure you do them as it will really help. I always waited until I felt like doing things but it suggests pushing yourself, which makes a lot of sense.

So that’s all from me. Feet up under a blanket, in the sun room about to plan my evenings viewing.

I am recharging being alone this weekend. It’s filling me back up. It’s been lovely. It doesn’t mean I don’t miss them. It just means it’s been lovely to have the space at home to breathe.

Craig likes noise, I like silence.

The silence is bliss.

Love you Craig. You’re still allowed to come home. 😆😘

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I’m having a lovely day and it’s only 12.48!!

I woke at 6.30 after a full 9 hours straight sleep with no interruptions…. Bliss.

I got up about 7.30 and pottered around the house.

Craig and Bhruic are going camping this weekend and I’m staying home to watch Calaidh, Freya and Khaleesi.

I sat in the garden with this while the sun shone. That let Craig take all his gear out do the front of the house. He’s only camping as he has a job down the south of Scotland tomorrow.

Crazy Bhru!

Calaidh’s still got what it takes… even at 10 years old!

Bless them watching us both sitting out on the bench.

Lovely cuddles with Freya.

She really gives the best puppy love.

When I took Calaidh, Freya and Khaleesi for a walk this morning there was a deer sitting in the field.

It never moved as I got close. I had to put the dogs on the lead to make sure they didn’t run after it. I wondered if it was injured? It eventually got up and wandered quietly to the other side of the field!

On our way home.

So I decided to head out to Largs, rather than tackling the housework. I parked at the marina so I could walk in past the Pencil. It takes about 30 minutes to get into the town centre.

The Pencil!

I tried a few arty shots today and I’m pleased with how they turned out. I’m on my own and it feels good to have a wander in the sun.

Just walking around, pointing and pressing, doing what I do best.

Rain looks like it’s heading towards us but it never comes!

It’s quite breezy.

Love the coloured benches in Largs.

Lots of huge jellyfish 🪼 stranded on the beach.

Two spires!

I went to Perk Largs. It’s just the best. There’s a range of vegan and veggie food but they also do meat and fish. I had a coconut milk decaf iced latte with vanilla.

I then had avocado loaded fries! They were amazing. The flavours were out of this world. I really enjoyed it.

Highly recommended.

Spotted a thistle on the beach. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

The clouds are fair rolling in now. It’s still warm enough for a tshirt.

Of course I hit the charity shops and got a pair of jeans for £4.50 and a pair of black denim shorts for £2.

I walked back along the beach.

It really is that big!!! 🪼

The Largs Pencil.

I had a lovely time.

On the way back I went to Tesco for some provisions for my weekend. They have a newly resurfaced car park…. 😆

Think Khaleesi wants fed…. It’s now 5.20pm….

She’ll be missing Craig. I’m sloppy seconds. 😆

I’ve felt some bubbles of excitement today which has been really lovely. Long may that continue.

Have a great weekend!

Stay safe everyone ☀️⛅️☁️

I can’t think of a more apt title…. Today was just a day… another day in the life.

There was nothing exciting happening and honestly no story to tell. I did get my toes painted the same lovely salmon orange colour they already were 💅🏼

There are not many days that I genuinely have nothing to say….

I’m calm, I’m relaxed and I’m ready for a lovely, restful weekend.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I didn’t sleep that well last night too but I seem to feel ok for it.

I woke at 12.30 and again at 2.30… then I remembered I hadn’t set my alarm for the run this morning. 🤦🏻‍♀️😆

When the alarm went off at 5.25am, I was dead to the world.

I struggled to move but I was excited to get out and get going. It was lovely not to completely dread it for a change.

It was Claire and I this morning and while I wasn’t fast, I kept going most of the way.

We went a different route which always changes it up a bit.

At the very end, I hadn’t hit 5k so I had to keep running up and down the street…. Claire got this photo!

We got a bit wet towards the end. look at my eyes!! 👀

I felt really good after it. I was so proud of myself for finding it hard but enjoying it too.

I was really early into work for some reason, not sure how that happened?! I must have been super organised.

Work passed really quickly… in fact this whole week has passed really quickly.

I’ve the Crochet Hookers tonight so I’m just making some dinner (again!) before I go out.

I definitely have more energy than I’ve had which feels really good.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

That’s a nice number…. 1881… 😆

You can tell pickings are slim today eh?!

It poured with rain today. Torrential at points. It was also really cold this morning. Winter is back!

I’ve actually had a good day today.

I’ve had moments where I’ve almost felt the corners of my mouth turn into a smile.

I’m 21 days into the Setraline antidepressants.

I think taking it in the evening has helped.

I don’t feel dizzy or squeamish anymore.

I’m still tired but it’s not as dog tired as I was on Friday.

There’s an energy bubbling under the surface.

There’s a very tiny, mild excitement bubbling under the surface.

There’s a feeling of hope rather than hopelessness.

I’m almost scared to say it in case I lose it as fast as I feel it.

But it’s out there now.

It’s in writing.

It’s actually quite sunny now that I’m home but still very windy.

I did some photos with the puppers as I was out there for a poo pick!

I cooked myself dinner…. Fish cakes, chips and salad. Not the healthiest but cooking dinner is a step in the right direction.

I’ll just keep on stepping in the right direction.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Now this won’t be the most exciting blog as I woke up, went to work, went food shopping and came home. 🫣😆

I’ve actually felt ok today. Work flew by!

It was VERY hard to get out of bed after a day of languishing yesterday…. But once I got going it was easier. I’ve felt a bit lighter today. A bit more awake.

So nothing much else to report, I’m curled up with 3 of the 4 dogs!

A nice relaxing evening.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

No one is more surprised than me.

I had the best time at the Robbie Williams gig in Murrayfield Stadium in Edinburgh last night.

I was beaming from ear to ear as I couldn’t believe how much I was enjoying myself.

I thanked Gayle over and over for being there with me and being so supportive.

Going to a gig with millions of other people is my worst nightmare on a good day.

I’m just being honest.

I do everything I can, not to surround myself with hoards of people.

If I’m really honest, I do everything I can to not get roped into a gig in the first place.

🥴😆

I’ve been struggling with the start of Setraline antidepressants and sooooo tired.

Yet, it just shows you what you can do when you put your mind to it.

Gayle was the perfect gig buddy. I was more than happy to drive to Edinburgh and get parked as it’s my old stomping ground. She was more than happy to take charge at the stadium!!

We couldn’t get parked at Ingliston Park and Ride but randomly, there was a field open where you could park for £10!!

Of course I was already pre-worried about getting stuck in it as we left…. 🫣😆

We head to the tram stop and got the tram from Ingliston to Murrayfield for £8.40 return, for both of us.

It was raining…. But it wasn’t too bad.

Tram selfie 🤳

When we arrived at Murrayfield, they’d split the stadium into 4 colour coded entrances.

We had to walk from the Green Entrance all the way around the stadium to reach the Purple Entrance!! It was actually a lovely walk and it had stopped raining.

We got some BBQ loaded fries for a mere £15 each!!!!!

We are sitting very high up and my vertigo washes through me as we head up the steps…. Thankfully we have tickets at the end of a row. They turn out to be excellent seats but my head is looking for so many reasons to freak out.

We sit down and I begin to relax. There are lovely people round about us.

Rag ‘n’ Bone Man is the support and he starts about 5 minutes after we sit down. We smile at each other. We couldn’t have planned the day better, so far.

Rag ‘n’ Bone Man is really good.

I don’t always listen to music as I find it too much sometimes, either too noisy or too emotive.

In all honesty, I can be a bit dull, a bit boring. It’s what makes me tick and it’s what I need to function but I am aware of it.

The stadium is filling up.

And then half an hour later Robbie Williams is on stage.

He was exceptional. A real showman. A true entertainer.

I was so happy. I knew all of the songs and most of the words. I didn’t feel weird. I didn’t feel like the odd man out.

We danced and we sang our wee hearts out.

I’m surprised at myself. Gayle is watching me from the side, thinking all the while that I must be enjoying it.

She was right. I loved every minute of it.

I don’t often allow myself to have fun. To just have a laugh, a giggle and a dance. I’m always so serious. Never leaving anything to chance.

After just saying that….. We left before the end in true, let’s be over organised fashion…… we only missed a couple of songs and we walked straight out and straight onto a tram. We got to see Murrayfield like this instead of being crushed side to side with thousands of people.

I couldn’t stop smiling. I was so surprised at myself for enjoying it so much. I kept telling Gayle how happy I was!!

It was a lovely evening. This is 10.15pm.

The tram was empty and we even got a seat.

I got home at midnight and the sky was still light to the north. I love a long Scottish evening.

What a wonderful experience.

And now today is June. Can you believe it?

Despite my new found passion for Robbie Williams gigs, I’ve had a very lazy Sunday.

I’ve watched tv and I’ve slept.

But I know I’m on the path to recovery.

My word for June is kindness…. And I’m keeping hold of breathe as it worked so well for me in May.

I need to lean in to the having fun and being a bit more relaxed (I almost typed reckless there and thought, jeez we can’t go that far!)

This was my lazy spot. Surrounded by pupper love.

After lunch I dragged myself off the couch as I knew I needed fresh air and exercise… and Craig came with me.

These cows were all cuddled up next to the burn. There are 8 or 9 of them!

It was blowin’ a hoolie but very mild. It was good to blow away the cobwebs…

And then come back to my cosy spot in the sunroom.

I’ve had a lovely relaxing day. I’ve slept for a good few hours on and off. Musta needed it.

Thanks to Gayle for making last night so enjoyable…. And to Robbie Williams for being so excellent.

“I love my life… I am powerful… I am beautiful… I am free…. I love my life…. I am wonderful… I am magical…. I am ME.”

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️