I woke at 4.23am to the sound of the birds.

It was a lovely sound but I couldn’t shut it up…. I stuck my fingers in my ears….. desperately trying to go back to sleep.

I could then hear a dog barking…. Now, we should be used to that but this one didn’t stop. I’ve no idea what was wrong, whose it was but it barked right up until I went out running at 6.45 with Lynsey.

We changed up the route today and ran round Spiers Old School grounds 3 times…. It’s so beautiful in there just now.

Always a toe shot when we get to the end of the road in the Gielsand estate.

Back into Spiers.

This is one of my favourite bits and the photos don’t do it justice. There’s a carpet of wild garlic.

Bearing in mind I’m taking all of these as I run. (Ok sometimes I use it as an excuse to stop to breathe!)

The burn is really low.

And we’re done. 5.7kms in the bag.

Not going to lie, I’m sweating buckets… there is none of this, perspiring malarkey…. It’s pouring out of me, but I head straight out with the dogs.

We head into the field for a run about.

They are all munching away on the grass!

Bhruic heads into the bottom of this lovely tree.

I get arty with the long grass. 😆

I try to get them to pose.

Bhru’s laughing at Freya for hiding in the long grass behind her 😆 actually she’s still mid grass munch!

Collie-flower 😆

The grass is lush.

And finally a bit of a pose in front of the tree!

I was at the little gift shop again today and it was so lovely to see the light coming in the windows.

It’s a beautiful day. I was home by 1.30pm and have been hanging washing, doing more washing and sitting in the garden ever since.

I had to move out of the way of the BBQ smoke!

I hope you’re all enjoying this lovely sunshine we are having. It’s so nice to be out in fresh air.

So……. Deep stuff now.

If you follow my blog or have bumped into me recently you may know that I’ve been struggling.

I’ve toyed with the idea of not posting this but I’m honest with everything I say and I think it’s important for people to know exactly what I’m facing, in case it helps others in the same situation.

There are a whole lot of tears again and I’ve not been like this since I was off sick back in 2018-2020 and beyond.

My life is completely different from how it was back then.

I’m back to 3 meals a day and trying to eat more healthily.

I take magnesium, Vitamin D3, Tumeric with black pepper, a multivitamin, collagen and creatine.

I sleep a minimum of 7.5 hours a night, mostly dead to the world.

I am on oestrogen and progesterone to keep my levels up.

I run over 10k split over two runs a week.

I no longer drink alcohol to manage my stress.

I rarely drink caffeine…. She says tanking a can of Pepsi Max Mango 🥭

I don’t watch any news to minimise any negativity in my life.

I steer clear of people who feel toxic or have toxic chat.

I try to surround myself with as much positivity as I can.

And yet I can’t stop crying….

I had a call with the doctor yesterday.

As I held on to get through to reception I cried at the lovely hold music.

We talked through all of the options and we both feel that I need some time on an antidepressant to try and help me out of this hole.

The tears well up as I write that.

I never thought it would come to that again.

I’ve been off antidepressants for 1,728 days…. And yes, I was counting.

I tell everyone who will listen, that antidepressants are amazing and can turn your life around and yet I wanted to do it all by myself.

I even messaged Chat GPT today to ask questions about alternatives. This is what it had to say when I said I feel very sad at having to go back on them.

It might be Artificial Intelligence but the answer did hit the spot.

I’ve not got the prescription yet and so I’ve not taken them yet but I really do think it’s what I need.

I’ve not felt great since mid January and the tears are affecting my day to day life again.

There are things going on around me that aren’t great. Nothing like it used to be but it must be enough that it’s affecting me. The Doc talked about transference and how it is possible that other negative situations can have a big impact on someone close to them.

So whatever the reason…. I have to stop the tears.

I’ll get access to online Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and I have Kinesiology booked for next week.

I work really hard at all this and I’m tired of trying. Maybe it’s time to let something do the work for me for now.

I’m sorry my posts have fallen by the wayside and Her Travel Circle is barely mentioned these days.

Hope you all have a lovely sunny Saturday.

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️