Another 9 hour sleep.

Amazing after all that rest yesterday!

I was determined to fight the low mood today.

I arranged to run with the girls and it ended up just me and Lynsey.

I was really hard to get out of bed.

It was really hard for me to get moving, but I did it and as hard as it was, it got easier and it freed up my headspace.

I hadn’t wanted to speak to anyone yesterday. I felt so low that I had nothing to give.

Yet this morning it felt easy to talk as we ran…. Well in between gasping for breath obviously.

It was slow but I found some extra energy on some of the hills and it felt good.

It poured with rain at the end but we were very lucky to have a dry run for most of the way.

I came home determined to take the dogs straight out but it was torrential rain, so I sat in my sweaty, wet clothes and relaxed. I’m watching Sirens on Netflix.

How lovely is this from Anna Grace Taylor. You can find her on FB.

The run has made me feel a bit more alert.

I feel a bit brighter.

I had WAY more energy on the dog walks today.

Yesterday I was literally dragging myself up the hill but today I had an energy about my step. It felt good.

It’s still really mild but I managed to get out for 2 dog walks without getting soaked!

The buttercups are so beautiful.

How cute is Calaidh here?

Khaleesi is knackered… I let her off lead for a bit. She’s been sleeping ever since. 😆

I even made myself a healthy lunch. I could never have done that yesterday.

So…… in an hour and half Gayle and I are driving over to Edinburgh to see Robbie Williams at Murrayfield.

Yes….. that’s right….. Me at a gig. That doesn’t happen often. 😆 crowds are not my strong point.

So I’m putting this out at 2.30pm as I won’t get time to do it later.

I hope you’re all having a lovely weekend.

It’s raining again. I have everything crossed for it to dry up!!!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Today has been a rest day.

I’ve slept on and off a lot of the day.

I slept a straight 9 hours and couldn’t move at 6.30am when I finally woke up.

I hadn’t moved all night.

I stayed in bed and was wakened again by the dogs!! I snoozed on and off until 10am when I got up to walk the dogs.

It’s surprisingly mild outside and I was a bit overdressed. I really had to concentrate just putting one foot in front of the other. I feel drugged…. Which of course, I actually am. 🫣🥴

Love all the buttercups that are growing just now.

And the Beauty and the Beast candlestick tree!

The clouds are dark and mean and moody, but it stays dry. They have a good run about in the field and we head home.

I drop off Bhruic & Freya and pick up Khaleesi and we’re off again.

Khaleesi loves watching the cows!! They fascinate her.

She’s so excited being out on a walk.

I breathe in the fresh air and feel the wind on my face

I came back home and sat and had a banana and a coffee and started work on the Silver Cloud CBT app.

I’d forgotten the Doctor had given me access to Cognitive Behaviour Therapy modules.

It’s a really good app. Very easy to use, clear and concise. Caring without being too patronising. Informative without being confusing.

I’m using all my energy to manage work just now so today I’ve just switched it all off.

The module today led me to a 30 minute body scan…. A meditation best done lying down.

I headed back up to bed.

It started at the tips of your toes.

The last thing I remember was the pelvic area and I was gone. Back off to sleep until 1pm!

I saw this when I woke and it made me laugh.

I got up and came downstairs and started to read my book.

I did today’s Donna Ashworth journalling and then I read for the rest of the afternoon.

I am shattered.

I am determined to rest today and fight tomorrow.

I have things to do tomorrow that require a fair bit of energy so today has been a rest and recharge.

I’m outside in my jammies in the early evening sun, getting a good dose of vitamin C.

As soon as I put this down, I’ll be reading again 😆😆

You have to listen to what your body tells you.

Sometimes I fight it but today I listened.

Happy Friday night!

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️

Torrential rain today!!

Especially this morning.

I took my first anti depressant at night, last night, as I’ve been so lethargic during the days I thought I’d change it up and take it before bed.

I’m not sure if it was the torrential rain, the hot chocolate, the scone with cream and jam or the Setraline, but one of them kept me awake for a bit through the night.

I tossed and turned like a tossy turney thing!

I didn’t feel refreshed at all when I woke up (so I’d obviously fallen asleep at some point!)

I set off super early for work as I thought I had to clean two campervans today.

Ellison is my hero.

She did them both.

I typed up the list of everything that needed done.

I showed her how to do the vehicle checks that she hadn’t done before and she did it all.

I hugged her and I really meant it.

We’ve all had to muck in this last month due to unforeseen circumstances and we’ve worked so well as a team. It’s been nice to pull together as a wee Tartan family.

Even nicer that I got to do lots of other work today, while the vans still got cleaned!! Ellison enjoyed it too.

It was blowing a hoolie and she was blown to bits but she loved being outside…. Or so she said. 😆

So yeah, I’ve felt ok today but that’s better than really low. I still feel very flat but I expect a bit more of that in the days to come.

I could still sleep for Scotland but maybe the nighttime tablet will make the difference. You know me, I don’t give up until I feel better.

I know it’s been a while since I mentioned it but we’re spending the evening working on Her Travel Circle. It may have been snoozed for a bit while I didn’t feel great but it’s not snoozing forever.

Watch this space.

Hope you all had a lovely day.

It’s my weekend now…. And relax…. soon… 😆

Stay safe everyone ☔️☔️☔️

I didn’t go for a run this morning. I needed to rest. As hard as it was to miss it, I was glad of the longer lie.

Of course I was awake at 5 and I heard Claire run the hot water to get ready, I heard Lynsey arrive in her car but I stayed snuggled in bed and tried to appreciate the rest albeit still awake!

Work was super busy today. Stock check amongst other things and the day flew by. It was mild and sunny enough to sit out at lunch, which was nice after such heavy rain.

There have been no tears today. I’ve felt quite emotionally flat but in control.

I forgot to say I got the car back yesterday. All good, it just need an OSR wheel bearing and sensor…. £248… boom. Could have been worse. A garage is one of the few places you go to and have absolutely no idea how much it will cost.

That meant I had a Tartan camper and the car at home!!! I had to get one of the guys to give me a lift home today, which was very kind.

I’m off out tonight…. The Hookers are on tour. Off out for a wee cuppa instead of hooking in the pub…. I’ll save this for some photos before I post it.

Waiting at the window for Evelyn and I spotted this, my crochet Sloth for my 50th but the words in stone that Craig got me. So apt.

We went to the Waterside Hotel in Ardrossan.

Lovely evening!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

My day did not start well.

There were tears.

For no real reason other than. I woke from a very long sleep still exhausted.

Then a lovely lady posted in Donna Ashworth’s journalling page to say who inspired her….

And I was one of them.

She said the lovely group of people that she mentioned, lifted each other up on some days and then needed lifting up themselves sometimes.

I find it very easy to lift someone else.

To help them see the positive.

To help the see the difficult days will pass….

I find it harder to do for myself.

I messaged a friend this morning and said I can’t go on like this.

As soon as I typed those words, I followed it with….. these are just words, I know it’s not true because I will go on, like I’ve done on every other difficult day… I know I will be strong enough to get through this.

Then I thought to myself…. That’s the blog for today.

Sometimes other people need me to be strong and inspiring… but on the days that I can’t, I need others to inspire me.

A lovely little compliment goes a long way.

So while I’m low. I’m going to work harder at lifting others and maybe I’ll help drag myself back up as a result.

I have everything that I need within me.

I’m just tired.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Thanks to Claire for sending me this…. It took me a minute…. 😆

I was really busy at work today.

It took me over 3 hours to clean a rental van from top to bottom. Probably just as well for the business that this is not my day job. 🥴 We’d never get anything else done.

To be fair, Mrs Anxiety had to double check everything…. And it probably took me longer as I don’t do it every day.

It was lunchtime by the time I finished and Ellison and I most definitely did not sit outside today. It was wet and windy.

Then in the afternoon, the heavens really opened! It was torrential!

I worked through most of lunch but had to leave sharp to get Bertie the Beetle to the garage to get the Christmas tree of warning lights sorted.

It’s booked in for tomorrow.

I’m hoping for a loose wire 😆

This is my second week on antidepressants so I reckon the nausea and out of body experience has passed. As long as I eat when I take the tablets. I’m shattered and as flat as pancake…. But I’m not crying. So it’s onwards and upwards.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Anyone local hear the rain overnight last night?!?

We woke at 3am to the torrential rain. It was really heavy if even only for a few minutes.

We got up around 7.30. We sat and had coffee together.

The rain had finally stopped and we took the dogs out to the field for a good run around.

All too soon the clouds came over from the coast and the heavens opened and we got soaked!

I spent the rest of the morning hoovering and cleaning.

I’ve really enjoyed doing all that this weekend. my head loves a clean and tidy house. It helps me to breathe.

I keep seeing 11:11 on my phone screen. It makes me smile every day. Synchronicity.

At 1pm I sat down to read a book that Craig got me last week.

And now it’s finished. What a great read and a great treat to sit down and do nothing.

I then had a lovely nap.

I’ve felt ok today. Just ok. But I’ll take that.

Hope you all had a lovely weekend.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I woke at 5.30 and snuggled down for another 45 minutes…. My alarm went off at 6.15 as I had decided to run with the girls. I obviously haven’t felt like it since I started the Setraline but I decided I had to “feel like it” today!

It was soooooooo hard. Honestly, I felt like I was dragging my car around behind me. I was so slow and so sore and stiff but I am really glad I did it.

We ran down at Lochshore for a change of scenery.

Randomly this was the place that Shelagh told me she was losing her battle with cancer. I will always remember that day. 💕🫶🏼 I will always think of her here.

When I came home, we sat and had coffee and we started talking about moving Craig’s office space…. He was working from our bedroom but the sun was blinding him and he couldn’t see the computer!

He’d moved down to the dining table but that just left a mess…. So we decided to move him into the…… wait for it….. the DOG’S ROOM!!!!!

Pretty apt for the Scottish Dog Behaviourist eh?!

The desk was in our bedroom so we swapped it with a chest of drawers then had to swap all of the stuff. We worked as a great team.

It was a really enjoyable morning.

I’m in my element with this kind of thing…. Especially when I have help and it seems like everything happens in double time (which it does obviously as there are two people….. 🫣😆)

I sorted out our bedroom while he sorted out his new office space.

Still work to do but this is a start…. And I don’t have to listen to his work calls anymore 😆 the desk isn’t perfect but we’ll make do with what we have at the moment.

So that took us right up until lunchtime.

It’s been pouring with rain since last night about 5pm. It rained all night.

By lunch it was dry and I got the Borders out for a walk.

I love this action shot!

And the collie-flower among the buttercups!

So many of the fields have been cut in the last few days…. It changes the colour of the landscape.

The sky was all mean and moody.

A gate, obviously.

In all the time I’ve lived here, I’ve never noticed this scary tree before. It reminds me of the candlestick from Beauty and the Beast.

I took some close up flowers.

Beautiful rhododendron.

On the way up, this cow was mooooooooing away and on the way back down it was already licking a calf. Bless.

I had a shower and then a late lunch and sat down in my clean jammies. I am tired and I’m very stiff but I am super comfy.

I have a wee smile almost appearing at the corners of my mouth…. Almost. 🙂

I’ve ended up watching season 6 of The Handmaid’s Tale. I have 3 dogs sleeping right next to me…. Well they were until a dog just barked outside 🫣

Have a lovely Saturday evening.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I’ve been a busy wee bee in the garden today.

I’ve weeded and tidied and washed and hung 4 washings, desperately trying to get everything dry before the rain comes tonight.

It’s been another lovely day today until it clouded over about an hour ago. It’s still warm enough to be out in shorts and tshirt though so I’ll take that.

I slept really well last night again. Antidepressant lethargy and progesterone knocking me out for the count completely.

I haven’t felt squeamish at all today…. In fact I’ve had none of the symptoms of the tablets, so that’s great news.

I took some photos of the blue sky, to remember it by….. 😆

We had a BT engineer come this morning to help reset our broadband speed and I saw the house and garden through his eyes…. He was early so we didn’t have time to tidy up.

I am determined to get the house tidied up over the weekend. I got a bit lazy with feeling low and I’ve been leaving stuff lying about all over the place. No more.

So the garden’s had a good tidy up today. House over Saturday and Sunday…. With rest in between… obviously!!

Love this, Bhru hiding from the sun.

Clean bed, had a lovely shower, jammies on and settling down for the night.

Looking forward to my weekend.

Hope you have a good one.

It’s officially RAINING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! First time in a lot of weeks.

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️

I’ve actually felt pretty good today.

I ate breakfast before I took my Setraline so I didn’t feel that squeamish today. Still a very dry mouth after taking it, but that’s bearable.

I was pretty focussed most of the day and got lots done. I didn’t feel like I was dragging myself in lethargy.

That’s got to be a win.

It’s been lovely and sunny again today.

Gayle is picking me up to take me out to Largs tonight, which is just as well as I have a warning light on the dash 🫣

Yeah that photo is no good to man nor beast 😆😆 think it said fault/ABS malfunction. That said, the symbol says STOP, steering system malfunction.

I have NO plans this weekend and I think that’s just what I need. The weather is due to turn on Saturday so I might get some long overdue housework done!

Now to Largs!!!!

We went for a walk!

I got the birds!!

We got an ice cream and sat here for a while.

A lovely lovely evening!

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️

I have not had the best day but I’ve turned it around.

I’ve felt pretty off all day. My stomach hasn’t stopped churning since first thing. Gurgling away. Feel squeamish,

Works been fine except that I’ve had to drag myself through a lethargy all day.

I was in bed for 7.30 last night listening to my audio book.

I may have said before but an audio book really doesn’t work for me….. I can’t concentrate on it properly and I have to keep rewinding it! I’m sure I miss half the story!

I fell asleep twice as I listened to it and finally put lights out at 8.30-9ish and slept right through to the alarm.

I forgot to message about our run this morning, I forgot to set my alarm for earlier, I just needed to sleep.

So rather than head home and get into bed and do the same again…. I drove to West Kilbride, after work and headed to Seamill Beach.

It was just the tonic.

What a breath of fresh air.

It’s can honestly say I don’t even feel that unwell here.

My senses are tuned in to the sound of the waves and the breeze.

It’s so calm and peaceful.

Of course I went for a paddle and the water is surprisingly warm.

I can only see about 10 groups of people on the whole beach.

I sat here and had my second salad of the day!

Even more people have gone now.

And relax.

It’s soooo good to do something you really love to do when you least feel like doing it!

Have a lovely evening.

Stay safe everyone 🏝️🌊☀️

It’s been much nicer today than my day off yesterday.

Pure blue sky again…. So lovely, and hot unless you get in the full force of the breeze.

It’s just as well it wasn’t too hot yesterday as I got lots done in the house.

We’re sitting out on the deck tonight as this weather is due to break Thursday or Friday.

Making the most of the heat.

Of course I’m sitting here thinking these shorts were never this tight when I was fasting 😆😆

I’ve been ok today. I took my 7th Setraline and I think the worst of the effects might have settled a bit.

I still don’t feel great but it’s nothing like it was.

It felt hard to put on a face today and to have to try when I really want to do nothing. I really had to think to focus and to double and triple check things before I did them.

It’s hard to pull yourself out of a dark place at times and it takes extra energy. It’s really quite exhausting.

Anyway, I’m not moaning as I see some light at the end of the tunnel.

And this….. 100%!!

Enjoy the lovely sunshine!

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️

It’s been cloudy and breezy today. Nowhere near as hot as the last few days. I have my shorts on but need a sweatshirt up top.

This time last year, I was out on the PS Waverley for the day trip from Glasgow to Oban. It was one of the most amazing day trips of my life so far. We sailed through the Correyvreckan Whirlpool! It was the most beautiful day and so calm. I hope they’re all having a lovely day on her today as she does the same trip.

My day was much more calm.

I took my 6th antidepressant. I feel pretty squeamish and dizzy for the next 4-6 hours and then it seems to settle.

I lay in bed until after 8 and listened to my audio book. I still really struggle focussing on an audio book but I finished it this morning. I’ve no idea if I really picked up the story or not. 😆

We headed up to Decathlon first thing for me to get a blow up mattress for the tent. Managed to get one for £9.99 which is great, considering I could have spent up to £50.

Once we were back home I started on the housework. I don’t have a lot of energy but just paced myself.

I’ve done 3 loads of washing, hoovered with Henry Pet XL, put washing away, packed a camping bag so that I can pick it up and leave and have everything I need in one place. Sorted out the camping cupboard too and I’ve enjoyed my day.

I also wedded the potato patch.

I could sleep now mind you.

One HUGE negative to Henry Pet XL…… you actually have to empty the bag with your fingers….. but by bit…. It’s pretty disgusting!! did that today…. k

Ok so…. I just looked that up and it would appear the bags are not reusable. 🫣😆

Who knew?!?

I do now….. after literally emptying it with my fingers 🤮🥴

You can imagine how much I wish I’d looked that up first?!?

Here’s a pic of the lovely broom bush in the garden just now.

Oh our house was on TV last night in the BBC in The. Bombing of Pan Am 103.

You may remember they were filming sometime last year.

Fame at last. That said, it was on for all of about 3 seconds 😆

So nothing else to report really.

I’m very glad that I went away but I’m equally glad that I came home. It’s always easier to feel rotten when you’re home. I’m hoping that it passes soon.

Have a lovely Monday night.

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️

I had a lovely afternoon and evening at the tent yesterday.

I read a book and I crocheted.

Most of all I sat with my feet up all day.

I felt much better back at the tent. My eyes fixed in one spot. I’d no energy to do anything else.

I sat and looked at this lovely view!

I took lots of photos of ships passing.

Did I say yesterday, I had to go and buy a hat. It made such a difference to my headache. It was the best of a bad bunch!!

There were a few really unusual rainbow clouds under the sun.

I went for a wander down to the sea.

I love the is next photo. The clouds look like they are whisping off the tree.

There’s a very old pier down there.

Sea pinks!

The path back up to the campsite. It’s a really pretty place.

I sat here for a while.

The toilet black is a huge walk a big hill! I spotted these Highland Coos on the way back down.

I sat here all night. I started crocheting a baby blanket with wool that Evelyn gave me.

I nipped back down to the sea for sunset. I spoke to my friend Helen as the sun set…… so no pics, but it was beautiful!!

And it’s gone!

I was wrapped up in bed by 9.30! I slept like a log and woke at 4am to see this…..

Such a stunning sunrise.

I woke again at 7.30. That was an almost 10 hour sleep!!! In a tent! I couldn’t believe it!

This was the view when I woke.

I’d been swithering all day yesterday about when to come home. I’m off work tomorrow so I could have stayed an extra night but the tablets were making me feel so rotten that I knew I just needed to come home. One last pic before I pack up.

And it’s all gone.

I was super anxious about the drive home.

I’ve been really dizzy and lightheaded and squeamish by about midday. I didn’t want to drive home as soon as I took the antidepressant…. So I left early and took it as soon as I got home.

I stopped for a few pics along the way.

How about this?!? Not every day you get this lucky with a herd in the water by a lay-by!!

If you zoom in to this shot you’ll see Inverary, a beautiful wee town. I was stopped traffic lights to cross the hump back bridge.

I was home by 11.30 and my anxiety is all gone.

It was so overwhelming and all centred around the drive back and the traffic. I’ve been so relaxed all day back with my boy and the monster pups.

And I have a holiday tomorrow.

All good.

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️

I actually had a really good sleep in my teeny, tiny tent!

I was in bed for 9pm ish… almost felt claustrophobic with how small the tent was. That said, the majority of my things were inside the tent with me as the car is parked a 5 minute walk away.

I woke at 2.15 and the sky was so dark and the stars were so bright. It was magical.

Of course I took photos and of course none of them turned out.

I woke again at 6.30 and couldn’t move out of bed until 8.30. I’d had a lovely night and felt good.

I’d brought my kit for a run but there was no way. I’m not even feeling up to walking into Oban. I’d usually take that walk in my stride.

I sat and had a protein bagel with smashed banana for breakfast. Watching the view.

My wee home for a few nights.

It was 10am before I got ready and got moving, which is still early for a lot of people, just late for me.

I felt really funny after I took the Setraline.

The only way I can describe it, is like my head is booming… my brain is pulsing inside me head leaving me a bit off balance and spaced out. I also feel very flat. I’m in my favourite place in Scotland and I feel nothing except that I want to rest.

So I drove down the single track road from the campsite into Oban and parked for a few hours, so I could have a wander.

I’m just taking it easy.

Oban is stunning in the sunshine. There is not a cloud in the sky. I’d normally be in heaven, instead I’m observing it from the outside looking in. I don’t feel here.

To be fair, all of these are symptoms of the first week of antidepressants so I knew I might not feel great.

So the plan is to write the blog while sitting by the sea in Oban and walk back the car, drive back up the single track road and read and crochet and rest.

First of all my photos from this morning.

So I’m sitting here on the rocks.

It’s only 12pm but I need this to send while I have signal.

I’m sure there will be a million more photos later.

I’ve an hour and a half to walk back to the car then I don’t need to move once I’m back.

I’m so grateful for this amazing weather.

I can’t believe we’ve had this weather so consistently in Scotland. We are so very lucky when we get beautiful weather as we live in a stunning country.

Hope you all have a lovely sunny Saturday!

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️

There is very little signal so I may have to keep this brief. It might not load up at all!

I came to Oban, with my wee 2 man tent, which is definitely for 2 very small men 😆 It’s even for two very small Julies 😆

(Don’t panic, there is only one of me 🥴🫣)

I’m camping up in Oban and I’m not even on electric hookup. The campsite up here has all the electric hook-up up the hill and the non electric down by the sea. It was a no brainer.

I had kinesiology today in the most beautiful house in the most beautiful street in Paisley.

I was all over the place by the time I got there but as usual kinesiology calms me down.

The new lady is very lovely and I think we connect well.

It actually costs the same as I used to pay 3 years ago so that’s really good. It’s still a lot but it’s worth the investment for me. I’ve tried to explain how it works over the years, and failed dismally. I really don’t know how it works but it just does…. For me anyway.

A word that kept coming up today was forbearing, which is an old fashioned word to say patient, long suffering and not asking for things that are due to us.

Long suffering is something that sits with me and makes its home inside me. I always feel hard done to, like a failure, like everything is a struggle, like everything is out to get me…. That says way more about my responses to life than my life itself.

My homework is the affirmation that I believe that I have all I need within me. I actually do believe this, I just fight it and question it at times.

I also have to work on dealing with other people, without waiting for their acceptance. I think I am very prone to this…. I think I write the blog so you all accept me for who I am and I can relax. As ridiculous as that sounds. You’ll have no expectation of me.

I have to say at nearly 6pm, it’s been the calmest I have been for the rest of the day.

The drive here was beautiful on such a hot day but I was very anxious. The traffic was busy and the road up the side of Loch Lomond felt claustrophobic. (For those who haven’t driven it before, it is probably one of the most stunning drives in Scotland on a sunny day but it’s so narrow!!!) My stomach was doing somersaults all the way…. My right shoulder getting stiffer.

So why do I do this?

I’ve been asking myself the same question all day.

Since I hit 50 I have felt like life is passing me by.

My solo trips have been amazing and holidays with Craig lovely and that’s what brings me real joy. Exploring and taking photographs of beautiful places.

This year I’ve been hiding from what brings me joy as I didn’t feel well in Florence. I panicked and figured I couldn’t do it anymore.

Not gonna lie… I’ve panicked a lot today. I’ve felt sick, churning tummy and a bit out of body. The anxiety has flooded through me at times.

Yet I’m here, the tent is pitched and I drove back into Oban for food despite not fancying anything.

Now I think I feel calm.

I’m grateful that I managed to push through the fears as it’s worth it.

I love the silence. It fills me up.

I’ve a wee quiet corner looking onto this yacht.

That wasn’t very quick was it?!

I should also add it is VERY HOT!!

Hope you all have a lovely weekend.

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️ (I hope this posts!)

Another hot and sunny day.

We are so very lucky with this weather. It’s such a relief after 2024, the summer that never was…. 😆

It’s day 2 on Setraline.

I woke at 11.23 and then again just after 1am. I was awake for about 2 hours.

My giant hot water bottle has left Khaleesi to her own devices, since her wound has healedand moved back upstairs into our bedroom. 😆

I may have been too hot…. Well I was… but I also felt my mind was whirring around thinking of everything other than sleep.

I am anxious. I am constantly scanning my body to see how it’s feeling.

I didn’t feel great this morning. I was squeamish/nauseous and a bit spaced out and dizzy. I have felt a fair bit better since lunchtime so I’m glad about that.

If this is the worst that I get then it’s fine.

I have developed a real fear of being unwell.

If I cut myself some slack. It’s probably because I lost my job the last time I was really unwell. It might be that simple.

I have kinesiology tomorrow morning so maybe that’s something we can work on. I think the anxiety may be worse than the feeling.

I went into work early to wash the car! It was soooo dusty. We’ve not had rain for ages. It feels so good now that it’s sparkling. I really had to scrub at the bugs that were stuck to the front of it.

So I really wanted to go camping this weekend. It’s going to be a scorcher. ☀️☀️☀️

I’ve got a new wee tent since I chopped through the old tent trying to fix the zip….

This was only £99 from Reactive Outdoor for a 2-3 person tent. It’s plenty of room for me…. But the 3 persons would have to tiny 😆

A part of my thinks I should rest and the other part of me thinks I can rest just fine in a campsite.

I just need to make some decision tonight and start pulling stuff together…. She says body scanning one more time 🫣🥴😆

I’ve taken Monday off work as I’ve really struggled through these last few weeks and it’s taken its toll. An extra day in the sun will be lovely.

So while I decide what I’m doing, I’ll let you look through some more lovely photos of the beach from last night.

The big shadow on to show how far out I am!

It was just soooo lovely.

Who knows whether I will be home or away tomorrow. Least of all me 😆

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️

I work at 22.38 and 2.07 last night and was out for the count when the 5.15 alarm went off.

That’s two nights I haven’t slept that well. Go quote Katy Perry kinda…. It was hot then it was cold 😆 (basically she used hot and cold in one song…. This doesn’t even come close to quoting her!)

I didn’t feel full of the joys of spring as a result, but it’s safe to say, that’s become my new norm just now.

I got ready to run with the girls, stepped out the door at 5.45 and started to cry.

I knew right then, in that moment, that I had to take the Setraline anti- depressant today.

My neighbour Holly brought soup in last night and I’d cried all over her.

Any sign of kindness and I’m crying.

This cannot go on.

The tears flowed as we ran and I listened to the girls and tried to gather my thoughts.

If it makes me unwell in the short term, I’ll have to manage it.

If I can’t go away this weekend then so be it.

I have to put my health first.

From all the lovely comments I have received today, one thing sticks out.

Acceptance. (Thanks to Mum for that one!)

I have been unwilling to accept that I need to take an antidepressant to feel better.

I have worked so very hard on my mental health, it’s almost become a full time job.

It’s not easy not to drink alcohol in a world where it’s everywhere.

Taking supplements, getting up at the crack of dawn to go running, eating healthy 3 meals a day…. No caffeine (yeah ok I’ve slipped up on that one a few times!)

I avoid the news completely.

I try to stay away from toxic people.

I surround myself with people who are good for my soul.

Ok you get the gist.

I work very hard to make myself ok.

And yet I have to accept that it’s not enough and I need help to get me back up.

Done.

It’s that easy really.

All the mental anguish and you literally pop a pill in your mouth and that’s it….. I’m “on” an antidepressant.

Anyway, all that aside we had a lovely run. 5.28 kms and as you can see from the below…. I found it HARD.

AND… I didn’t get the memo. 💕💕

I’ve not felt great today.

I have the driest mouth but I’ve drank loads as a result. My stomach is churning and I feel really squeamish but I made the right decision. The first week might not be the best but it will be worth it in the long run. I hope.

So a lovely end to the day…. I headed back to the beach at Seamill, West Kilbride.

Wow.

It was very cold in the sea so I only got in to bum level and back out 😆

I have loads of photos obviously!

That’s Ellison and Eileen sitting on the beach.

Now I’m with the Crochet Hookers in the pub!

It’s all go!

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️

What a heat. ☀️☀️☀️

We hit a high of 24°C today and the car showed 29°C when Puppy Leesi and I had to make our way home from Tartan HQ.

Wow.

I wore shorts and sandals this afternoon and honestly we never got any weather good enough for shorts or sandals at work last year.

I’ve not worn those sandals since 2023!!

We are so lucky with this run of weather we are having. I could really get used to this.

I took the Borders out for a walk at 6am this morning.

It was misty and cloudy but cleared as we walked. It was only 11.5°C but it felt warm in the sun. Lovely dog poo bin in this photo 😆

The dogs had no clue what was going on. Calaidh especially was still half asleep!

Long shadows!

Freya doing a wee 😆

It was a lovely way to clear my head.

I woke about 3 times in the night last night, which is unusual for me.

The full moon was beautiful.

I didn’t feel great this morning again.

I’ve been really busy at work again but focussed and in control.

I’ve had tears at the most random of things. For no real reason. I’ve not felt stressed today but I have felt a bit breathless and anxious.

So Khaleesi came to work again today as Craig was super busy…. She tried to get comfy under my desk. 🤦🏻‍♀️😆

I’ve been out in the garden since I got home.

I picked up my antidepressants prescription from the chemist on the way back.

I’m hoping to go away camping this weekend so of course, I have the fear that I’ll suffer the side effects and ruin the weekend.

Overthinking everything.

I don’t remember side effects before but the last time I took them I was barely moving from Gran’s chair!!

I will mull it over some more…. But I know I need them and taking the first one will be the hardest for me. Once I’ve done that I’m sure I’ll be fine.

Something needs to change.

Ahhhhh….. enjoying the last of the heat of the sun before it goes behind the houses.

Isn’t that just beautiful….

And breathe.

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️

We had 23°C today!! That does not happen very often in Scotland.

When I left work the car said 28.5°C! (By the time I snapped the photo it said 28!)

Hot, hot, hot and I could do with dusting the dash 😆

I actually had a really good day at work. Khaleesi was with me until Craig picked her up for her final vet check after her operation.

She lay outside on a cushion for most of the morning, watching the world go by.

She got the all clear to start walking again, albeit slowly this week. The vet was pleased with her stitches.

I was very busy today, it was incessant…. and I did start flapping about 3.15pm as I was desperately trying to get away on time. I got asked to do something I didn’t quite know how to do and instead of keeping calm, I flapped.

Works well under pressure…. NOT!

I had arranged to meet Claire for a walk at 4.30pm.

The road to work is closed so the diversion home took me an extra 20 minutes!!

And finally we got a walk.

I thought this little cottage looked lovely over the hedgerow that matched it!

They had a good wee run around too.

I finally sat down to dinner at 7pm which is late for me! A tad harassed but chilling in the sunshine…. Which just went behind a cloud!!

Won’t be long before it sets behind the fence. I freely wanted to get back in the sea today but the evening ran away with me!!

It’s a full micro moon tonight, called the Flower Moon…. It will be small as it’s the furthest away from earth… I want to say, this year but that may not be that factually correct!

And relax.

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️