1st February 1992 was the day I lost my boyfriend, Keith. He was driving from his home in Peterhead and called me at 6.30pm to say he was leaving and never arrived. I expected him around 9.30pm but he was killed outright in a collision with a truck, sometime after 7pm.

My memories of that night are so clear, so vivid, I can put myself back in that room, with mum and dad. Waiting.

There was no social media in those days, only a landline. It fell to his friend Martin, to tell me the news, only because he phoned to see if I was ok, and I didn’t know.

All I knew was that he was very late.

The police came around midnight but they could see that I knew.

We’d only been together 4 months, and I was only 19, but my world took a turn that day when I realised how fragile life was.

Whether that was the cause of my rocketing anxiety, I’ll really never know. It certainly won’t have helped.

I will always remember him today and on his birthday. On the grand scheme of things, I never really knew him…. But he will be forever 21.

So today, more than usual, is a reminder to me to live my life and appreciate every moment.

I feel like time has slowed down for me through January. I think I said that I appreciated the length of the month instead of wishing it to be over. I’m sure it’s the Donna Ashworth, Words to Live By journalling that I’m doing.

I woke up at 6am and met Lynsey for a run at 7am.

It was starting to get light which was so lovely.

We ran 6.46kms and of course, as it got light, I had to stop to take photos!

It was so calm. So serene. Just perfect. (Bearing in mind, as I always bring it back to reality, I’m using these photo opps as a chance to try and breathe!!)

It looks so pretty and wintry.

The sky was just beautiful. Look at all the colours.

The black of the trees against the sky.

My favourite gate.

I used to walk through life stressed about everything. Drinking wine was the only thing that made me feel happy as it let me forget about the stress. Now I have this. It costs nothing, keeps me healthy and I appreciate the beauty so much.

I had to walk up the last hill! There’s Lynsey up in front.

Craig hammered the window, when we got back and terrified us! I made him take our photo.

By this time the sweat is obviously pouring out of me, so big coat on over the running gear and off out with Bhruic and Freya.

Freya makes my heart burst with her wee backward glances, checking I’m still there…. 🫶🏼

And then I spot the Scotland flag 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 in the sky…. Love it!

I made some lovely reels of my dog walks today that you can find on The Rambling Sloth Instagram or FB pages.

I literally stood here and soaked up the light.

It’s these moments of joy that make a happy life.

You can see the frost hanging in the air.

Heading to the sun!

And almost home!

The sun is higher in the sky by the time I head out with Calaidh and Khaleesi.

I wanted to give K a longer walk today, as she’s on new meds, and she did really well.

She’s having a wee sleep now!

When I got back I decided not to sit down, but to get on with the housework and I spent the rest of the morning moving things from where they were, to where they should be. 🤦🏻‍♀️😬🥴

I wish we could just keep the place tidier through the week so I didn’t have to keep doing this, but life gets in the way.

It was 1pm by the time I was happy enough with the state of the house, and I went for my shower.

I’m now in clean jammies… about to start darning crochet blankets that need finished off. They are taking up space in my life but they need work doing!

This is one of them. I had to buy a new darning needle this week as I lost mine 🤦🏻‍♀️😆

So I have had the loveliest of days. Poor Craig has been at work all day, but I have made the most of my time and have refilled my cup.

Auntie Jac bought me this yesterday. Isn’t it lovely?

The future is bright.

Stay safe everyone 🌅☀️🌅