Oh my goodness me… that’s the polite start to today’s ramblings…. I do not now where to put myself today.

I am all over the place.

I’m shattered but I can’t sleep.

I have things I want to do but I just can’t.

I seem happy with sit staring into space with my head half asleep and the other half in turmoil.

I slept like a log last night. No trips to the loo. Out for the count until my alarm at 6.55am.

I was running with Lynsey this morning.

Despite my lethargy, it was actually a good run. No niggling knee pain since I stopped wearing the boots that seemed to cause it.

A good 5.4kms run with good chat. The best way to start a day.

I look a tad startled in this photo. 😳

As I usually do at the weekends, I took the dogs out straight away.

Like yesterday, I don’t have the energy or confidence to walk all 3 Borders at once, so I split Bhruic and Freya and Calaidh and Khaleesi.

Bhru walked in front of me, while Freya dragged behind. She’s feeling a bit like me today.

I was running with them, to start off with, but I felt so bad dragging her that I walked the rest of the way. I felt like I was back at primary school, playing a game where you hold hands with the one in front of you and the one behind!!

Then the two Cals.

Khaleesi had lots of fun on lead while Calaidh ran off exploring. Those legs are her bad side…. The back is the one that was operated on. Looks like quite good muscle forming back.

It’s still only 9.30am and I am so tired, but I have to shower and I’m still sweaty. I have a quick shower and wash my hair and then, strangely for me, run a lovely bath with magnesium bath salts.

I light candles to bring some nice light to the experience.

My meditation candle burned right down as I was in there for 45 minutes.

I never normally like a bath, but this was just perfect.

Perfect temperature with perfect light.

I didn’t touch my phone, or read the books that I brought in with me.

I just watched the flame and true to use the time as a mediation.

It relaxes me so much and I head up to bed.

I lie for 50 minutes but the dogs are going nuts at people parking outside our house and it just makes me angry. (at the dogs, not the people of course!)

I jump up and scream down the stairs at them.. may as well get up then. the moment is gone.

I put a washing on, make my lunch as I’m hungry and eat it so fast that I get indigestion.

I light a fire and sit down with my books.

Our Donna Ashworth, Words to Live By question, this morning, was about what takes your peace.

The same things take my peace day in, day out which is why I want so many things to change, but I do nothing to change them. It’s like I enjoy having my inner child kick off and have a tantrum, rather than addressing the things that bother me.

We’ve done a fair bit of thinking on our inner child and I’ve found that really hard.

Mine just has tantrums and huffs. She doesn’t have fun because she thinks it’s frivolous and wants to be a grown up, serious adult. She thinks being a child is beneath her.

Children should be seen and not heard.

As the first grandchild in a family with 2 aunties and 2 uncles… I wanted them all to myself. When they eventually got married and had kids, I think I thought I was one of the adults rather than one of the kids, as I’d been there first. My brother was great at playing with all the cousins when we were wee. That was my worst nightmare. I loved them and wanted to cuddle them but “play” eh naw…. I wanted to be included in the grown up chat.

I’m always so serious. I still am.

I used to let me hair down when I drank, but in my own mind that went way too far. That was maybe my inner child having her rebellious phase.

Now she’s back to the serious stuff. Lists and rules to live by. Huffs and tantrums when things don’t go my way.

Maybe it’s no wonder I’m exhausted with al this going round in my head?!? 😆

I jump on to FB for some inspiration and see this from Tiny Bhudda shared by Sue Pritchard – Writer and I almost want to cry with relief.

I know………

And then this from Doe Zantamata.

So days FB doesn’t listen to my every inner thought and throw things back at me?!? 😆😆🤦🏻‍♀️😳😆

There will be people reading this that reckon I just have too much time to think.

I do agree but maybe I just need to wade through this sludge to get to the next stage.

And learn from these guys…

Hope you all have a lovely weekend.

I should say here that I was tempted to message Craig to warn him what he was walking into but he actually cheered me up.

Wonders will never cease to amaze. 😆

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️