Wow, you know me, I love a milestone.

1700 days of writing a daily blog (give or take!)

There have been days I skipped when I felt really low and days where I couldn’t get enough signal on holiday, but I’m always writing it in my head anyway!

It helps me make sense of my life. My reactions, my responses, it helps me focus on how I am feeling on a daily basis. I take time out of my life and think. I guess writing the blog has probably helped me more than I realise.

I always like to recap on my stats on a milestone day. 😆 self indulgent, as if a daily blog isn’t usually self indulgent 😆

2,190 days since I walked out of the office in floods of tears and life, as I knew it at the time, fell apart.

I sat for 3 months in Gran’s chair in our sunroom and cried…. I managed to walk the dogs but even that was a huge struggle.

I spent thousands of pounds on counselling and kinesiology to help me make sense of it all.

I went back to work for 5 months and then just couldn’t go back…. I was subsequently made redundant in February 2020. Right before the world closed down and joined my crazy, new stay at home life.

2,171 days without alcohol, this is my biggest achievement to date.

That’s 5 years, 11 months, 2 weeks and 2 days! I am finally in control of who I want to be. I can wake up the next morning with absolute clarity and nothing has changed since I went to bed. I know exactly what I have said and done the night before. That is the most powerful gift I have given myself.

It’s also been the hardest thing I have ever done. I used to be “one of the gang” and now I feel like I’m on the outside of society a bit. Maybe I need to try and make some peace with that and realise that I’m not… it’s just a different place from where I used to be. We live in alcohol fuelled society and if you don’t drink, you are considered weird. That said, my family and friends have been supportive and the only-for-drinking buddies are long gone. In years gone by, the drinking me hassled a work colleague once or twice, to try and get him to have a drink at a night out. I was 3 sheets to the wind and I couldn’t understand why anyone would not want to drink….. it didn’t make any sense to me?!? I was incredibly uncomfortable about my own drinking and social events made me feel better as we all had a drink and had a laugh. We’re still in touch, as he’s a member of the no drinking group that I’m an admin on, After Dry January. I’ve apologised so many times G 😆😘

I often wonder if I will ever drink again? To be honest, I don’t even like the smell of it now let alone think about tasting it. I’m sure I could control my drinking as I am no longer drowning my sorrows. I’m facing them head on with a clear head. I’m a bit too scared to try, if I’m honest.

I never drank any more than the next “man”. It just didn’t work for me.

1,571 days without anti depressants. I have to sit with that number every 100 days when I talk about my stats.

I lived my life for years on antidepressants and they got me through so much. I have always been a people pleaser, who put everyone’s needs before my own. I slowly learned how to live my life for me, without the need for the pills. I would never have imagined this possible. Huge respect to anyone who goes on an antidepressant as you are putting yourself first.

767 days on HRT…. This I have a bit less to say on…. I’m not sure whether it’s done anything or not. I didn’t see a massive change in my life before HRT vs after. I’m going to stick with it for now. I’ve done a lot of reading on it and I believe that these extra hormones are good for my body. Many disagree. Hey the world would be very boring if we were all the same.

713 days fasting… my latest “fad”.

I bloody love fasting. This one really makes me smile. I have spent my life fighting with my weight and feeling disgusted with myself. I decided to randomly start fasting on 20th December 2022. What a time to start.😆 I have never looked back. I pretty much eat what I want I just don’t eat between dinner and lunch. I was never a big fan of breakfast anyway. I have WAY more energy and I always feel great in my clothes, I never feel bloated and overweight. I have been 2 sizes smaller than I am just now but I think I’ve found my ideal size. Again, this is another one that people don’t get. They tell me it can’t be good for me. As with HRT, I’ve read a lot about it and I believe it is the right thing for my body. It works for me. No more yo-yo dieting. I just don’t eat all the time.

I feel so much better as a result of the non drinking and the fasting. It’s a way of life now. It isn’t hard work. It’s easy and it makes me happy.

On 1st January 2024, I sat in the Gateside Inn with my lovely neighbour Rachel two doors down. We decided we should start running one a week round, what we call, the Gateside loop…. It’s about 3kms… and so we did…. Every weekend in January.

Come February we were both busy and a couple of weekend’s fell by the wayside… but any chance we could we ran.

She then suggested we join the “runners” one morning. I freaked. The “runners” had been meeting for a while now but they were leagues above any kind of running I was doing.

The best decision ever. Thank you Rachel for making me do it!

Then we open up a whole group of girls in our village who can run, want to run, want to think about wanting to run and off we go. We meet at least twice a week right outside my front door…. And I love it.

Some days I don’t even realise I’m running. 😆

I always feel better after a run. Even if it was a tough one. It’s hard to put a number of days on this but let’s say 340 days since I made the decision to introduce running in my life.

In August we (most of us) did our first 10k “race” in atrocious weather conditions but we did it!

It’s not all been plain sailing. I still have days where I feel very out of sorts. Very off. I would say that my spidey sense literally tingles to quote Spider-Man. My head doesn’t let anything go that it’s not happy with. It eats away at me until I blurt something out. I

f I speak my truth I will be calm.

This was my new mantra learned in cognitive behavioural therapy all those years ago.

I am grateful that I haven’t felt too bad recently.

An argument, a cross word, or something at work can send me off on an irritable grump. my fight or flight instinct kicks in immediately. I would like to be more aware of this when it happens rather than after the event.

So I guess my life can look like hard work when you read all of this but actually I seem to have found my mojo….. and long may it continue.

There was a lovely sky this morning.

Now I’m off out to the Gateside Plant Centre for a wreath making class with the lovely Elly and all the Memorial Hall Committee.

It will be a lovely evening. I think I’m not that creative but I fair get in the swing of it!!

Once again thank you to everyone who reads this, whether you make yourself known or you’re a secret reader.

Every like, comment or share means the world to me. I honestly do this for me but I love that it may help other people realise there is life after depression. AND you can live life with anxiety.

So, tomorrow, Craig and I are off to Iceland for a few days. Cannot wait to head back and this time in winter… AND with Christmas lights. I have been very lucky with my travel this last few months!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️