No-one really knows why New Years’ Eve is called Hogmanay in Scotland. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 There are many theories…. but it just is. 😆

I asked Craig and he is still talking…. 🙄 we are finalising that it evolved through a combination of Gaelic, Norse and French influences 😆 I got bored listening!

Today is Hogmanay 2024.

Can anyone actually believe it will be 2025 in 8.5 hours?!?

How did that actually happen?

It’s been another wild, wet and windy day in Scotland today…. As so many of the last few days have been.

I woke with a thumping head this morning. I think I’m just a bit dehydrated but I feel like I just need a day in the house today.

I was meant to be meeting Gayle for lunch but I messaged and asked if we could postpone. We’ve been really busy and I really needed a day to stay in my jammies.

Of course I didn’t do nothing…. I went back into the dog’s room and continued sorting through old photographs.

Another massive trip down memory lane! I took great delight in sending pictures on to people.

I was at this for hours!

The dog’s room is back ready for dogs. I still have way more to do but I spot a gap in the torrential rain, and head out with the Borders.

Then back for Khaleesi. She was soooo excited to go out for a walk!

It’s 3.30pm and I’m shattered!!

So we’re not certain what we are doing tonight but there is a chance we might not even stay up for the bells.

As my friend Ruth always says, we get through 100% of our bad days…. And I have had bad days. So many close friends have suffered some of their worst days this year.

I always used to be a cup half empty kind of person. Not so now.

Be kind to yourself in the year ahead.

I am proud of my travels in 2024. I have been to so many incredible places and feel so full of gratitude as a result.

And definitely this!!

And finally I am going to end my year with this… sent to me by my friend Sally.

The font is small and I have to zoom in to read it but it sums up the last 6 years of my life.

I wish you all a Happy Hogmanay and Happy 2025 when it comes.

I know it will bring challenges for many but I hope that it beings you some days of peace.

Thanks to everyone who comments, sends me content and support my ramblings. It means the world to me.

Stay safe everyone ♥️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿♥️

The weather was atrocious over night….. I do seem to like that word atrocious…. It was so wild!

I woke at 5am and we had the window open. I lay there listening to it. I stuck my fingers in my ears…. It didn’t drown anything out!

I was still wide awake when it was time to get up. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Then I want to sleep!!

The rain was coming sideways and the wind behind our back, when we started out run…. Not so much on the way back.

My headtorch conked out in the first 5 minutes. Not the best timing as my legs were knackered after sitting so long yesterday, emptying boxes.

The weather was soooo wild. I stopped a couple of times when I knew they would be running back to me.

I had to talk to myself because it got a bit scary without any light!! I was literally telling myself I was ok, and I had to be as I couldn’t keep up!!

I managed 4.5k. Considering the conditions, I am pretty pleased with that.

I’d taken my Dry Robe to sit on in the car on the way home, I was soaked right through to the undies!!

I decided to head straight out with the dogs when I got back. In for a penny and all that….. 😆

Look at the rain in this photo! this was taken after 8am!

It was a bit of a scary dog walk too 😆

I took pics of the Christmas tree which was the cheeriest sight in the village this morning!

Finally I got a warm shower.

I had to be up at Silverburn Shopping Centre to meet my friend Lea at 10am.

The drive was pretty hairy…. The roads were all flooded, hiding all of the potholes, but I made it in perfect time.

We met in Starbucks , as we do!

We had a great catch up and a quick wander around the shops.

It started to get really busy just as we were leaving.

The drive home was a bit less wild but I drove through a huge flood in a village at the end of our road. I almost closed my eyes and hoped for the best 😆

I went back to the clearing out for a while and I have another full bin bag.

I found some lovely old photos and took great delight in sending pics of them to people I have’t been in touch with for ages!

I was also very impressed that my school blazer still fits!

I have parted with it… wrenchingly if that’s even a word. I wore this every day in 1988 & 1989!

Oh this is hard….

More tomorrow, I’m tired now.

I sat down about 2.30pm.

We are out tonight for a lovely house warming. Some of our lovely neighbours have moved further out of the village and are having people round.

So feet up for the next few hours maybe with some crochet. We’re watching Squid Game 🦑 just now. This season seems slower than the last but I’m sticking with it!

More bad weather coming tomorrow for Hogmanay so I mean my last line even more.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I woke at 5.15am and lay in bed until 8am.

In that space of time I mentally declutterred the whole house. 😆 I couldn’t get back to sleep and I couldn’t get moving on it until Craig woke up!

I may have mentioned this before, but I love a declutter. I

love clearing out.

It makes me feel so happy.

Now I’m not gonna lie, it is not easy to do.

In fact, in can be very difficult to let go of all those memories.

The way I look at it, we are not getting any younger and since we don’t have kids, no-one is going to want anything from us.

I’m not even sure who will get the job of clearing out stuff out. Quite possibly our niece and nephews.

I made sure I left my 2 back molars in a box just to freak them out. 😆

Seriously I have had the best day.

I started at 8am and I didn’t stop. I only went to the loo twice and the rest of the time I was moving and clearing boxes

I started in the blanket box in the bedroom and have cleared out bedding and towels.

I then did the chest of drawers in our bedroom and on to the chests of drawers in the dog’s room. Then the camping cupboard and I could put it off no longer….. into the loft.

Khaleesi getting in on the action.

I have had a very emotional day.

But I was captivated by what I was doing.

The charity shop will get my collection of Jackie Annuals…. The oldest from 1977… that’s 47 years old!!

I have binned some school jotters from 1st year high school. They are 41 years old.

I have parted with birthday cards as far back at my 15th birthday. They are 37 years old.

I have binned everything to do with my first wedding back in 1996, including my drink-stained Hen Night T-shirt. That was all 28 years old… and I’ve been divorced for 22 of those years!

I went through all my degree & exam certificates and report cards… I’m keeping them. I do think I’ll try and read them all sometime and then bin them but I didn’t have time for that today.

I’ve binned so many memories today.

A plastic water bottle from Australia 2004! That’s nearly 21 years old!

Why did I keep that?!?!😆

One of my teds found a new home. My mum loves his nonchalant hanging around with his arms round his legs. (I’m keeping him…)

Cards from so many people that are no longer with us.

Cards from people I didn’t even remember.

I’ve been through all my old work paperwork, business cards, wage slips, CV’s. (There were a lot of copies of my CV in that loft!)

6 black bags of rubbish.

3 bags for charity so far

2 bags of things I might try and sell on Vinted.

I have also finally decided to part with the baby clothes I bought back in the day when we were trying…. I’ve had them in the same drawer for 15 years and everyone who had kids around that time now has a 15 year old kid…… obviously. 🤦🏻‍♀️😬

All of these memories are swirling around in my head.

My whole life in boxes….

Actually correct that, reminders of my whole life… in boxes.

I’ve had chats with Gran today. Chats with Nana. Chats with Great Aunties and Uncles.

I am at peace.

I’m a bit sad about it all but it feels so good to have done that.

The dogs can’t sleep in their room tonight as Craig hasn’t even started on his boxes yet…. Poor Craig didn’t even know I was going to do this today as he was working.

He came home to a ransacked house 😆

I was starting to fall into a bit of slump these holidays. I felt pretty low the last few days, questioning everything, questioning my direction.

A good clearout helps it all.

I feel refreshed and raring to get back to it.

It might have to wait for a few days but that is ok.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

A lovely lazy morning today….. how tired do I look?!? Also check the dog hairs… on me… not Khaleesi!

Also cuddles with Freya.

It’s a morning for puppy cuddles and reading and a bit of crochet.

I also made Craig a special Italian hot chocolate for breakfast! I brought this back from Rome.

He loved it!! It is literally like liquid chocolate. I’ve told every Italian I know, never to order a hot chocolate if they come to Scotland as they will not be impressed!

I did take the puppers for a walk too.

It’s grey and dreich again today but the forecast says it’s 9°C which is pretty mild.

We left to drive to Alloa to my sis and bro in laws for a lovely family afternoon.

We have to head back home soon for the dogs.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I didn’t sleep that well last night…. The progesterone was fighting to keep me asleep while the massive intake of sugar during the festive season, was fighting to keep me awake.

We got home from mum and dad’s by 6.30pm last night, great timing for a relax I. The evening.

I lay on the couch and tried to read, but ended up lying down to have an early evening nap.

I never slept.

I drifted in and out of consciousness, but the dogs were using me as a springboard! They were so excited to have us home, and Craig was listening to the football, which always generates lots of Bhruic and Freya excitement! They were like a box of frogs 😆😆😆

I eventually went up to bed just after 9.

Up this morning by 7.40 and out for a Christmas run with the girls. we actually finished in daylight!!

It was great to have Rachel two doors down, back from injury!

I then walked the dogs and it stayed dry. It was a nice morning after the mist and rain of the last two days.

I had my shower and spent the next few hours putting away Christmas presents and washing!

I tried on my new jumper from mum and dad. I love it!

This is the time of year when no one knows what day it is. 😆

At 11.30 I went next door in my new jammies.

Hot off the press, I have a THIRD pair of new favourite jammies…. Unfortunately the top is black so these are my “going out jammies”…. 😆😆😆 certainly for now while Bhruic is moulting!

These came from my friend Melanie in Italy…. She knew how much I loved these jammies and she messaged Craig and asked him to buy me a pair for Christmas! How lovely is that?!?

Claire and I had a lovely wee afternoon, in jammies watching Christmas movies.

Turkish Apple Tea to start.

Then lovely sweet potato and roasted red pepper soup which was beautiful!

We watched Serendipity…. Can’t believe I’d never seen it before.

Then a wee Nozeco!

With crisps and dip and Snowman logs!!

I may have taken my crochet with me and finished another baby blanket.

Dark blue this time.

As you can tell I’m back in my first favourite lilac (it’s ok to catch dog hair) jammies!

So I’ve had a lovely, relaxed day. I’ve had chocolate Yule log for dinner with extra thick cream…. As you do.

We’re settled down for more movies tonight now that Craig is home from work.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I woke up dreaming that I was back in my old job….. where on earth did that come from?!?

We had a lovely evening with the in-laws. A wonderful spread and some great chat. It’s lovely to have a real belly laugh when you don’t drink…. It doesn’t happen often.

Quick tidy of the house and out with the 3 Borders!

It was still pretty wet.

We’re off to mum and dad’s by 10.30pm and have taken Khaleesi with us. She’s quite happy with lots of treats and attention!

She’s out for the count.

We had a lovely dinner and settled down on the couch to recover….

I love this next two photos….

I really need to move my leg but I just can’t… it’s too sweet!

Our lovely neighbour is letting the borders out back home so that we can relax a bit at mums and not have to rush home. We usually bring the dogs here but I just have no confidence driving Craig’s big truck just now….. we can’t fit them all in Bertie Beetle 😆

So it’s almost 5pm and we are all sooooo full. We will head home soon and feed the dogs.

I have to drive from Edinburgh back to Ayrshire and try to stay awake.

We’ve had two lovely meals, with family, this festive season. We are very lucky.

Stay safe everyone 🎄🎅🏼🤶🏼

🎄🎅🏼🤶🏼

Here are the puppers getting their blueberry yak chews! Kept them quiet for hours 😆

We had a lovely breakfast…. Sourdough with streaky bacon, maple syrup AND…. The pièce de resistance….. extra thick brandy cream.

It was sooooooo good!!

We had a lazy morning and cuddles with Freya.

Then dog walk and took Leo from next door as well.

We then went into the village pub for a few hours. It was so busy and lovely to see so many people. Here are 4 of the running girls all spruced up!!

We then drove up to Craig’s mums for our Christmas dinner. Here is gorgeous Cookie!!

How lovely is the table?!

Craig’s brothers dogs are here! This is two out of 3 gorgeous Shelties. We didn’t bring ours or there would be 8 dogs here!!!

So we’ve had a lovely day. I’m rushing to put this out as don’t want to be rude!

Hope you all had the best day.

Merry Christmas to you all!

Stay safe everyone 🎄🎅🏼🤶🏼

I can’t actually believe it’s Christmas Eve!

I’m having a lovely time, with 5 days off work, before Christmas actually arrives. I don’t think I’ve ever had so many days off before Christmas.

I woke at 5.30am and was awake for a while, but I must have fallen back asleep, as I woke again at 8am. A proper time to wake up!

I messaged Coffee & Quotes about this next one and said that we may have trouble with the pouring rain and fog that we seem to have today… but I will try.

This made me laugh. I have a new follow suggestion… The Furry Friends….. they shared this today.

So I’ve been super busy all morning. It’s 12.35 and I’ve just sat down.

I’ve changed the bed so we have clean sheets for tonight, I’ve tidied the bedroom, done two washings and hung them up and cleaned the oven and all the racks…. yes I know…. I hear myself…. 😆😆 sit down woman!!

But I have enjoyed every minute of it!!

I love loving clearing up and tidying. I hate when it feels like a chore. This has felt like I’m clearing my mind.

Read this next one… “your attitude is the compass that changes storms into rainbows”🌈

I feel so happy today. Long may that continue!

40 years ago tonight we lost my Grandad to a massive heart attack. (Yes I know that took a turn that I could have warned you about!)

I was 12 and had been allowed at my first ever midnight service at church. I fought to stay awake through the whole service.

When we came out I realised very quickly that something was very wrong.

My Grandpa and my dad’s Uncle were both outside in the church car park. They never came to church.

I felt very tiny as all the conversation seemed to be going on above my head.

My Grandad was 56.

He got out of bed to go to the bathroom and was gone. About 10 minutes into Christmas Day, 1984.

I know so many people that have lost loved ones this year and are facing the first Christmas without them. You all know who you are. ♥️

I just wanted to take some time to recognise that Christmas time can be very hard for so many people. Not just through the loss of a loved one but for so many reasons.

Christmas magnifies so many things.

I hope that whatever you are facing, you can get some time for YOU over the next few days.

You are special!

Weather wise it’s been dismal all day…. A misty wet, dreich day! It hasn’t stopped raining all day.

As soon as Craig got home from work, we got ready to deliver the Christmas cards with the dogs.

We got soaked and everyone’s cards are pretty soggy 😆 we ended up with Leo from next door too. He joined our gang!

I love this photo!

So we are all drenched and I’m back in jammies ready for a cosy Christmas Eve in front of the tree…. Unless I decide to go to midnight service. I’d love to go but just not enough to actually get ready and do it… maybe that’s my answer!!

Santa is currently over Indonesia. 🎅🏼

I’m gonna sit with my crochet… note Jude Law is on the telly telling Cameron Diaz he only wants her…. Bless him.

Wishing you all a very happy Christmas Eve.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

It’s 5.25am… why am I wide awake?!?

I’ll go with it being the alcohol free gin and tonic lasts night.

We had a lovely time with neighbours and friends I haven’t seen for a while.

I didn’t actually eat any meals yesterday… I had Lindt choccies to break my fast about 12ish… then half an empire biscuit. Lots of crisps, a mine pie and a bit of Scottie Dog shaped shortbread!!! no wonder my stomach seems to be rumbling now. 😆 it will not do me any harm whatsoever!

So… it’s now 4.47pm and I’ve had a wonderful day!!

I’ve don’t a bit of everything.

I got up as soon as I’d written that first wee bit.

I did most of the housework, as quietly as I could, which meant sweeping and hand mopping, trying to use the hoover.

I’d finished by about 7.30 so I got ready and headed down to Irvine.

I’ve been enjoying crocheting so much, that I wanted to get some more wool.

I finished the mint green baby blanket.

I just love the wool so checked and the Cancer Research shop was opening at 9am…. So that was my plan.

I hit Asda first and it was surprisingly quiet. the car park was fairly empty.

I say that… for 8.15am it was busy but it was definitely bearable.

I bought food for today and tomorrow and the 27th. I didn’t have a list I just winged it… or wung it 😆😆😆 I got some lovely things we don’t usually have.

I got to the CR Shop at 9.06am and got 4 balls of wool. I am back on a crochet roll!!

I got home and back into my jammies and by about 11am I sat down in front of the Christmas tree and started crocheting.

I really like that colour.

I started watching a couple of Christmas films that were pretty cheesy, so finally put on The Holiday.

Here’s Khalessi in crochet heaven watching the movie with me 😆😆😆

This is us!!

Craig the. went out with the dogs and I got lunch on the go.

This is the recipe from Auntie Jac’s friend, Anne! A fakeaway!!

Crispy shredded chicken with chill sauce.

• Iceland chicken strips x 1 bag
• 4 packets of Blue Dragon Sweet Chilli and Garlic sauce.
• Honey
• Rice

Now it turns out I bought the chicken strips but should have bought the shredded chicken which would be thinner than these strips.

So you cook the strips in the oven or air fryer… then drizzle honey over the hot chicken strips. The sauce was heating in a casserole dish so you add the tossed honey chicken into the sauce and put it back into the oven for 5 minutes and serve with rice.

I love it. The ingredients are not fresh so you can have that in the freezer and cupboard and make it any time you think you need a takeaway.

Just as I’m cooking I get a message from Gayle to see if I could head down to the shop for the last hour and a half of the day as it had been so busy. So I jumped in the shower and headed down.

It was a lovely wee surprise in my day as I’d probably ended up having a sleep. It’s not often Gayle, Lindsay and I are in the shop together so of course we had to get a pic!

So, I’m not gonna lie, I am shattered but I’m actually very happy.

Check… me….

I am loving this long run up to Christmas Day. I’m really enjoying the holiday. I’m really enjoying crochet!!

So that was a pretty full on day. I’m fairly certain I’ll be asleep by 8pm!!

Hope you all had a lovely Christmas Eve Eve!

Stay safe everyone 🎄🎅🏼🤶🏼

The forecast is wild for today.

This morning took me by surprise. I’d slept for 8.5 hours again which was so lovely. It was quiet outside. There was no wind. The sky looked clear. Nothing like the forecast expected.

I felt amazing this morning. All bright eyed and bushy tailed.

I took the Borders for a walk up the hill and it was lovely. Freezing cold, getting light but lovely.

This is our lovely village with the bright moon above it.

Spot the kitten!

There are always farm cats or kittens in here. We walked past and the puppers didn’t even notice.

I spotted this deer staring at us.

The puppets didn’t even notice!

I love the colours in this next photo but unfortunately it means the rain has already hit and it keeps coming.

This is our lovely village on the way back.

Here we are at the village Christmas tree! Thanks to the Gateside Plant Centre for giving it to the village and well done to Rachel two doors down for putting the lights on it!!

I was soaked by the time I got home! And freezing…

Hot shower and back out to the little gift shop for 3 hours. Gayle was open from 10-1 and we had lots of lovely customers in!

So that’s a wrap on my working for 2024…. Unless the little gift shop is incredibly busy over the next few days!

I’ve had such a lovely time there this weekend. All of the customers are lovely and I love getting to see everyone again.

We got blown down the street when we left. It’s wild now!

I really randomly started crocheting again last night.

I’d bought some wool in the Cancer Research shop last week, to make some baby blankets.

I ALWAYS crochet in granny squares and for some reason yesterday, I changed the stitch and I love it!

So I’m about to pick that back up again. I’m a bit addicted… again. 😆

I’m watching a kids movie called “That Christmas” and how’s this for a quote…

Christmas is a bit like an emotional magnifying glass. If you feel loved and happy, Christmas will make you feel even happier and more loved. But…. if you feel alone and unloved, the magnifier gets to work and makes all those bad things bigger and worse. 

Wow, kids movies really do have a a way of saying it as it is, don’t they?!?

This from Eleanor Brownn with 2 N’s

When you’re crocheting and you have dogs…. Bhruic is that blob on my knees!

So we’re off into the pub at 4pm for a village Christmas get together.

I’m wearing the hat so I don’t need to wash my hair.

We’re having a Christmas quiz and we are the Toastie Corner as we are next to the fire!

We won the quiz for the second year in a row!!! This is me saying to Craig, for god sake will you just take the photo already 😆😆😆

The wine is obviously not mine 😆

Stay safe everyone 🎄🎅🏼🤶🏼

It’s 5pm and I have not stopped… until now, to sit and write this.

Obviously it’s been the shortest day of the year with a storm howling, which has kept it quite dark even in the daylight!

Thanks to Kate Spencer on FB. She’s another good follow!

Sunrise was at 8.47 and sunset at 15.47…. I did see the sun once about 1.30pm!

So from today it starts getting lighter every day! I love that.

I have not stopped all day.

I am sure I will crash soon.

I worked at 4.50am and couldn’t get back to sleep.

My mine was whirring with everything that needs done, so I wrote some reminders.

I was out the door by 6.30 to run with the 3 girls who are still doing Marcothon, this year.

I was nervous as I’d been awake so early and it gave me time to think… I might slow them down, the weather is atrocious and so on….

It really was atrocious. Sideways rain as we left my house.

We were blown about and ran through huge puddles… one in particular that there was no going around.

Our feet were soaking almost immediately!

I tried really hard to keep going and not stop, like I usually do.

It was tough.

I knew it was fast as I felt a wee bit sick 🤮 😆

Here we all are…. Very festive in front of our village hall with the tree on my shoulder. (I had to take my glasses off as soon as we started to run, as I couldn’t see a thing!)

And guess what… I blasted out 3 personal bests… my fastest 5k

And my fastest 1 mile and 2 miles.

I am soooooo chuffed, especially in such horrific weather.

There’s now a tree fallen down over the road we ran 😱

So quick shower and hair wash (again!) and out to get my Christmas nails 💅🏼 done at 9am.

I go to Viv’s Nails and she’s on maternity leave but kindly came back for two days for Christmas!

They go soooo well with my second pair of favourite jammies in the world!!

My toes are matching, not that anyone will see them 😆. I say that and I see them them and they make me smile when I do!

Then very quickly round to the little gift shop which was super busy this morning. One of the best Saturdays since the shop opened. It was just constant.

Back home by 1.30 and straight into red jammies and started wrapping all of my Christmas pressies. I wanted to do that today in case I’m missing anything, but I actually don’t think I am.

I used a mishmash of wrapping paper, some from this year and some from the last few years. There is no theme in our house this year 😆 I took great delight in wrapping a family of fours’ presents, all in different paper! I have never done that! 😆 it feels quite rebellious.

I figured if I keep sharing that we should all be more relaxed about Christmas, then I should take my own advice.

I’ve also been doing some housework…. Instead of hoovering, I am hoovering with my Crocs! They are excellent at getting dog hair up off the carpet!!

I think I am done now though. I’m tired. No wonder!!

Have a lovely Saturday evening!

The little gift shop is open tomorrow 10-1pm!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I had an 8 and half hour sleep…. Gotta love the progesterone induced coma!

I hadn’t seen the forecast for today so headed out with the dogs at 7am and got totally soaked, it’s torrential rain and strong winds. It was also pitch black. Thanks goodness for the headtorch.

I feel like I’m living in a bubble just now, it’s Christmas on Wednesday and I haven’t written all my cards, haven’t wrapped a thing and am no entirely certain I’ve even bought it all 😆

Today is the 20th December and when we were kids that was a super festive time. It doesn’t feel like that at all for me this year.

I realise I sound very flat… I’m honestly not, just tired. I had a very busy day.

The little gift shop is in full festive flow!!

It’s the last Friday before Christmas and I just can’t quite believe it.

This feels like a good time to share my Christmas from December 2019…. Those of you who’ve been with me from the start can skip this section!

By Christmas 2019, I had been off sick for a total of 9 months since September 2018.

My last stint back in the office was over at the end of May.

I found myself in a very strange, stay at home world where I dressed in joggies and sweatshirts and never really went out anywhere. Little did we realise that the rest of the world would join me in March 2020!

Suffering from anxiety and depression in the festive season was just the worst thing ever. I’d been very low since the summer and Christmas is a difficult time when you assume everyone else is incredibly happy. Of course they are not ALL happy but you don’t know that at the time.

I lived life in the corporate fast lane, working all the hours god sent and partying as hard as I could to make up for it all.

I’d stopped drinking for Dry January 2019 and the year had been hard. It’s not easy to stop drinking in a world that’s just surrounded by alcohol.

I owed it to myself to stop drinking to try and help my head… but Christmas loomed on the horizon and I was terrified.

The pressure to enjoy yourself at Christmas and New Year is immense.

Everyone has nights out, parties, gets dressed up, wears sparkles, enjoys Christmas shopping… or so you assume from Gran’s Chair in the sunroom, where you have spent your last 5 months.

I was dreading it to the point of thinking I couldn’t possibly go through it.

I couldn’t face it at all.

I felt like a burden to everyone.

I’d piled on the weight… about 4 stone.

I had less than zero self confidence.

I hated myself.

I felt like everyone would be better off without me dragging them down.

Your head can be dreadful when you suffer from depression.

Your own worst enemy.

I felt so bad I booked a doctors appointment for the 7th December and Dr McLaughlin helped changed my life.

Ooooh tears building there…..

She listened to me. Really listened.

She was so concerned about me that she knew I couldn’t go on as I was.

She changed my anti-depressants from Fluoxetine to Setraline. She told me I may feel worse in the short term instead of better.

She gave me the first appointment after Christmas… the 27th December at 9am.

She wanted to see me as soon as it was all over to make sure that I was ok… and craftily to give me a focus to ensure I was ok for the appointment.

The NHS mental health support was pretty non existent back then but finally someone spoke to me like she really cared. She could see I was distraught.

And I made it through.

Of course I did.

Because I talked to her.

And anyone who would listen.

I wouldn’t say I had a particularly enjoyable Christmas but I survived it and was still there to see another day.

It’s soooooooo important to talk when you feel sad.

To anyone who will listen.

When someone knows how you are feeling and asks how you are today…. Your head tells you to lie… you can’t possibly tell them how bad it is… again.

But yes… you… can.

I called the Samaritans that Christmas because I didn’t want to bother anyone.

There is always someone who will listen.

The reason I write this blog is to make everyone aware that you can look like you have it all, but be broken on the inside.

You never know how people are really feeling.

So…. That got a bit dark for the Friday before Christmas, but I do think it’s important to remember that people find this time of year difficult for so many reasons.

I’m so grateful that I’m not in that place anymore. Not even remotely.

Comfy jammies are on and Craig and I are chilling in front of the tv.

Hope you have a great Friday night.

Stay safe everyone 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

How is it possible that I have 17 whole days off work and it’s not even in the summer with the possibility of the sun shining?!?

That makes me sound so ungrateful and I really am not. You know me. That length of time at home gives me itchy feet…. 😆 it’s just the way Christmas falls and our bosses have been kind enough to let us finish early as all our work was completed.

So obviously we have lots of plans over the festive period but I am also planning to blitz the house. I hope I can bothered doing it as the clutter really gets to me through the year, so it will be good to have a proper big clear out.

I was a really heavy frost this morning, which was totally unexpected for me, Mrs weather girl…. I did not see that coming.

Thanks to my lovely neighbour, Helen, I used my thick food bag, filled with warm tap water, to defrost the car and it worked beautifully.

It was already 1.5°C by 7.15am so the freshly cleared windscreen didn’t refreeze as fast as it would have if it was colder.

Work went really fast today.

I got that really painful stomach cramp at about 12 noon and it lasted for a couple of hours until I took some Buscopan Cramp meds. I don’t go anywhere without them since I had really bad cramp a few months back. I didn’t each much of my lunch as a result. there’s a silver lining to that!!

I had a plastic bottle full of hot water to use a hot water bottle. That really helped too.

I felt better by about 2pm.

I think I panic when it happens as it’s a really bad cramp and I don’t know where to put myself. Anyway….

I think I have almost cracked the “loading items to sell on Amazon” debacle. Unfortunately I didn’t get one loaded for sale today but hopefully I’ll remember enough when I get back! I had a call with a company who do that for a living and they said I was almost there so didn’t need their help.

Check me.

I was a wee bit secretly pleased with that outcome.

So after work I popped to the charity shop to drop in 4 big bags. I bought myself 3 books in case I get bored in the holiday…. Also 2 balls of wool that I will use to make more baby blankets for the Royal Alexandria Hospital in Paisley.

I bought the mint green and the cream.

Check me being all prepared dor some down time.

So I will leave you with this….

Stay safe everyone ♥️🫶🏼♥️

Wow….

There was a storm this morning!

It doesn’t have a name, so it can be that bad, but it’s wild out there. 😆

Shades of the 10k we ran in Irvine back in August.

I posted a video mid run on Insta and FB.

It was soooooo wet and sooooo windy!

Yet look at us at the end, fresh faced after all the wind and rain blasting we’d had!

I had to take my glasses off at the start, as I tripped in a pothole, because I couldn’t see.

What a way to start the day! Despite the atrocious weather it’s so exhilarating!

Lynsey is on day 18 of Marcothon (running every day in December) and is doing great!

When I jumped in the car to drive to work, it was still pretty wild.

I decided to play some tunes…. I don’t often mention that I used to sing in a church choir until I was about 18. This morning I got all the Christmas carols, with descants, on Spotify, along with, very randomly, Fauré’s Requiem!!

I don’t know if anyone is the same as me, but belting out these tunes in the car always makes me cry. There’s a huge gulp of emotion that rises up inside of me that I can’t swallow down. The tears always sneak out.

I’m transported to a time of Christmas past.

So many memories churned up inside me.

I know all the words despite hardly ever singing them for the last 35 years.

My voice is now a bit croaky 😆

Love this next one 😬😆

Also this perfectly describes what I am trying to do right now.

Work passed pretty quickly today. I’m trying to put products up for sale onto Amazon Seller Central.

I’m going round in circles but I’m determined to make it work. I just cannot believe how hard it is to sell things on Amazon. When you see some of the things for sale on Amazon, I find it hard to believe they have all had to jump through these endless hoops!!

Still I will keep jumping through those hoops until I finally get there.

I’m off out with 2 of the Hookers to see Wicked tonight.

I’m really looking forward to it. Something a bit different. Lesley is picking me up in an hour or so so I have my comfies on and feet up for now.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I am working really hard today on turning any negative into a positive.

There’s only a short period of time that I have to drive to work and home in the dark… and we are there now.

I panic because I think I can’t see.

Today I told myself otherwise…. I told myself that I could see just fine and there was nothing to worry about.

It really does help.

My shoulders relax.

I have less fear.

I know I will be ok.

I said a few things today and then tried to change it into the positive. I’m working hard at it, taking the wins, with a wee smile, when they come.

I’ve not skyrocketed with anxiety today.

Claire just sent me this and shocked me!

With being away at the start of the month I literally have no concept that Christmas is just around the corner.

She says….. wearing a Christmas T-shirt!

I have hardly bought anything, although to be fair I hardly buy any gifts these days. I really need to shake out of the “we have weeks!” mindset! 😆 get my thinking cap on.

It will all be fine.

I don’t panic about things like that any more.

It will all pan out.

So straight from work I went to meet my Auntie Jac and her lovely friend Anne.

Anne made us the most amazing dinner that I’m soooooo going to copy. Fakeaway crispy shredded chicken and chilli sauce with rice. It was so good I can stop going on about it 😆

Off out to the cinema tomorrow night too. Check me with the midweek social life.

Hope you’ve all have a good day.

ONE WEEK UNTIL CHRISTMAS EVE! Just in case you missed it.

Stay safe everyone 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

Ooooh see what I did there….. so you can guess eh?!

Mrs Anxiety raised her head this morning.

It’s been a while.

Coffee and Quotes with the calm down….

I have created so much drama already and I’m not really sure why.

It’s the last full working week at Tartan and two customers asked for an update before 8.30am and I skyrocketed. Of course I have manifested this as I have been overthinking the last week jobs.

I start with all the “it’s the last week, what could possibly go wrong”…. “Here we go and we always run out of parts on the last week, I’ll be the one holding up a van”… “let’s wait and see how many parts are missing”

These are all the thoughts that are running through my head.

I am wittering on lie a budgie or a Julie on lots of caffeine… which I wasn’t.

I can feel myself flapping. In my head my arms are flapping like one of those inflatable arm waving things….. (said no one ever!!!)

Except me… I’m sure I’ve said that before. 😆😆

Inside I was in an absolute panic that I might let everyone down.

That simple.

I was embarrassed by my flapping. Cringing that I wasn’t keeping my cool.

Laughing like a maniac and the ridiculousness of it all and probably making it worse.

Works well under pressure…. NOT.

I say that out loud.

I draw attention to what I perceive to be, my worst quality.

And yet… it’s only because I care. Because I want to do a good job.

I changed the narrative in my head.

I have all the parts.

Everything will be here on time.

I can be calm.

Works well with a clear brief. 😆 This one always makes me laugh but it’s so very, very true.

I can’t do woolly. I want to know what my job is, what my remits are, what’s expected of me and I’ll do that to the best of my abilities.

Anyway, I digress.

I am fairly certain that my positive thoughts eventually work as I’m back to normal before lunch.

I’m still cringing that it happened as it’s all in my own head.

I’d had such a great sleep and felt really calm on the way to work. A couple of triggers were enough to set it all off.

So I’ve had a lovely salad for dinner again and have my favourite jammies on chilling.

I’ve two pots of soup on the hob.

I’ve a busy week coming up.

I’m relaxing tonight.

So is Calaidh!!

And Bhruic!

This is my current view…. The beautiful Khaleesi…. 😆😬

Here’s to no self created drama tomorrow.

Stay safe everyone ♥️🫶🏼♥️

It’s one of those days when I give everything away in the title. 😆😘 You don’t need to read on, you know it all….. 😘

So 5 of us ran this morning which is the most that we’ve had together in a while. we met at 7.30am…. It was still really dark.

I should say here that the others are all runners… and then there’s little old me. A runner but a slower one!

I got my fastest 2 miles today. We went a different route as we ran from Blair’s house, it’s fairly downhill to start and uphill most of the way back.

I did have to stop and walk a few times on the way back. Of course I had to stop for the Heilan’ Coos (highland cows!)

This one was standing right under a street light but turned away the minute I pointed the phone in its direction.

The lighting is amazing and makes these look like paintings!

Poor thing looks soaked to the skin!

Back home and straight into the housework as I was already sweating!!

I’ve been looking forward to a day in the house for a while now as I’ve been away. Still can’t believe we were on the Golden Circle Tour in Iceland last week!

So some housework done, showered, then out to the shops as we had run out of almost everything!

As soon as I got back I took the dogs out.

The 3 degress first, for a run about in the files.

Then Khaleesi… she makes me laugh when she stops for a huge wee in the middle of the road!

I’ve got the couch blankets in the wash so there’s a mosh mash of blankets covering the couch just now but Khaleesi looked so cute cuddling into this pillow.

I fasted almost 23 hours without trying today. I did get a bit hangry towards the end. 😆 I’ve eaten a lot these last few weeks so it’s not going to do me any harm whatsoever.

I made another lovely salad about 3pm and sat down to watch the rest of Black Doves on Netflix.

I’ve been jumping up and down for loads of washing all afternoon. My head is so much clearer when the house is in order.

Mess creates so much additional noise for me. When you have 4 dogs, there is always going to be something that’s not at its cleanest…. 😬 it feels really good to get it done, as much as I don’t enjoy the doing.

So I’ve had a lovely day. I have all the candles lit and all the dogs are sleeping. Craig is out in Glasgow, so I have to venture out to get him about 8pm.

Better set an alarm as I am super cosy.

Sweatpants and Coffee posted this wish for the week ahead. 🥰

Stay safe everyone ♥️🫶🏼♥️

I did not sleep well last night. I felt like I was switched “on” all night.

I actually felt surprisingly refreshed when I got up though.

There was no time for a run this morning.

Actually correct that, I didn’t make time for a run as no one else could manage.

I took the 3 amigos out instead.

It was super frosty and I was sliding all over the place. Thankfully I met my neighbour, Holly, so we joined forces to walk carefully up the hill.

The sky was lovely first thing.

The Gateside Plant Centre Christmas tree in the distance.

It’s a beautiful morning.

The dogs had a great run around.

The little gift shop was really busy again this morning and I came home and had a lovely salad by the light of the Christmas tree….. that felt strange 😆 I mean who eats salad in December…. But I’m really enjoying it again.

I made the fatal mistake of sitting down nice I got home and it’s been really hard to get going again.

I’ve tidied the shelves in the living room, so I felt like I was doing something, as I watched Black Doves on Netflix.

I’ve got some new wax melts burning and the candles lit and I’m having a lovely wee afternoon to myself.

Another lovely thing to report today… back in 2020 I crocheted some baby blankets for the local hospitals.

Sadly, due to COVID they could no longer accept them.

There were others too…

When I had my big wool and crochet clear out a month or so ago, I took it all to the Crochet Hookers to see if they wanted anything. Jane took all my half finished projects and has slowly worked how way through finishing them.

She took the baby blankets to the Paisley Royal Alexandria Hosptial this week and she messaged to say that they loved them.

Today she gave me a letter from the RAH.

How lovely that someone took the time to hand write a thank you note.

I feel very guilty that I didn’t finish them off but so grateful to Jane for doing all that she did.

So I hope you’re all having a lovely weekend.

Coffee & Quotes hits it again.

I might get some crochet out tonight. 🧶🧶

Stay safe everyone ♥️🫶🏼♥️

I’ve had a lovely day today.

I slept for 9 hours and 11 minutes. What a wonderful sleep.

I had a wee lie in and did a couple of FB reels then tidied the living rom.

I de-haired all the seats and hoovered etc so it feels much better tonight. Why is it that a today room feels so much better?!?

I’ve been on the little gift shop today and it’s been really busy.

For the first time in, what seems like ages, I made a salad up for lunch today! It’s so colourful compared to the beige food I’ve been eating recently!

This is not the best photo but the Christmas lights are up in Beith.

Do you know that you can have an impact on people that you might never be aware of?

10 years ago I bought Marie a little desk Christmas tree as I did for everyone on my team at work, at that time.

She has just send me a photo of it.

It’s bigger than her now!!

How very kind and thoughtful to send me that photo.

She’s told me before that she had planted it but I’d forgotten all about it.

She said “thank you for the everlasting tree” 🫶🏼 what a lovely thing to share.

I also have a friend Gillian who has a poinsettia I bought her for Christmas one year. She often sends me pictures of that… I think sadly that it may have finally given up the ghost but I reckon that I worked with Gillian in the late 1990’s…. So it’s had a good innings!!

I never ask anything of those who read my blog, but a pic of this tree has made my night. If you have a similar memory, or thing that you still use, why don’t you reach out and tell the person who gave you it or left you with the memory?

These are the things that make the world a better place. Knowing that you bought something for someone, or did something for someone and it still means something to them.

And just a smile at the end….

This is Freya. Or baby dinkles, or deetle-deetle-deetle, or dinkly-doodle, to name few nicknames!

She always has to have something in her mouth. This is a beech tree leaf. Looks like a tongue!! Crazy pup.

Have a lovely Friday night, I was going to Saturday…. It’s a nice thought it’s only Friday.😆

Stay safe everyone 🫶🏼♥️🫶🏼

After weeks of excitement, I literally have nothing to say today.

I had an amazing 8.5 hour sleep.

I got up.

I went to work.

I went to Tesco.

I came home.

Had dinner.

Writing the blog.

Oh bought a book so will go to bed early and read that.

The end.

😆

Like I ever have that little to say.

This was a memory from 12 years ago….. I used to LOVE a Christmas night out. I used to LOVE this photo of me.

I think this pint belonged to the lovely Mr Andrew Gray. I seem to remember thinking I was so clever, drinking it while he wasn’t looking. Look into my eyes though. I think they look dead.

12 years later finding true happiness out living my life, rather than working every hour god sends and drinking to make it seem that little bit easier. (Also wouldn’t thank you for a boozy Christmas night out….)

Oh how times change.

And finally….some fun and games with the doggos last night. Poor Calaidh. 🫶🏼

Stay safe everyone 🫶🏼♥️🫶🏼