I know loads of people who love Halloween but it has never been my thing.
I am not a fancy-dresser upper. I am way too self conscious to enjoy fancy dress. I wonder what that says about me?!
I guess I could do with letting go a bit more. 🎃👻
I was only in work for 2.5 hours this morning, as we had a funeral today.
I find writing about a funeral difficult. It is not my story to tell and not up to me to report on someone’ else’s parent’s funeral. (I have no idea where the apostrophes should land in that sentence!)
I do want to say that it was a lovely service. I loved to hear the eulogy of her life. The empath in me is desperate to soak up everyone’s emotion and ball my eyes out.
I keep trying to take deep breaths when the tears threatened.
The minister did a lovely job of allowing tears and laughter. She was a remarkable woman and I am so inspired by her love of travel. It sounded like she had travelled everywhere and I would have liked to have talked to her about that.
I don’t write this for anyone to say they are sorry for my loss as that is unfair to so many who were closer to her. A lovely lady lived a lovely life surrounded by a very loving family. That shone through today.
It was so nice to catch up with so many people that we don’t see often, even in those sad circumstances.
I’m not sure if I’ve written that properly but I know what I’m trying to say.
This is the message that I got from today and FB throws it right into my feed.
It was really mild this morning. I woke at 4.30 and felt like I’d been dreaming a lot. I was back asleep by the time the 5.30am alarm went off.
As I re-read this, I realise that my diet is not as healthy as usual and I wonder if the dreaming is down to that?!
Claire, Lynsey and I were out for a run at 5.45 this morning. it was really mild and I had to drop off my thin jacket pretty early on.
It felt really fast and I had to walk a couple of seconds to get my breath back at times. It says it was my 3rd fastest 5k but my fastest mile!!
Even although the clocks when back it is still very dark.
I started watched Nobody Wants This on Netflix last night.
It was so lovely….. a wee romantic comedy that made me smile. Highly recommended for a lovely watch. It did the trick for me… of course Craig was working…. I don’t think he would have fancied it. 😆
So yeah that’s my day today. I’m still doing good. I’m tired but that’s ok.
I’m off to meet the Crochet Hookers tonight and carry on with my big blanket.
I feel a bit flat tonight sitting here writing this.
There’s loads to be done in the house but I can’t actually bring myself to do any of it.
I need to do a food shopping but I’ll stick with the carb loading that saves me from having to do that just now.
I got up at 5.45am to walk the dogs. It was sooooo dark.
I had to rethink….
I had my shower, got ready for work and made my lunch before I took them out.
It was still dark!
They were still half asleep so they were good girls. 😆
I had to switch my headtorch on.
They had a good run about and we headed back down the hill.
So I have to be honest and say that was my day. There’s not much else to report.
My head is in a good place just a bit flat after such an adventure filled weekend.
I’m just going to lounge about in my Christmas jammies and try to ignore all of the jobs I could put on my list. Even writing that makes me smile. I’m taking control of my relaxation.
I love this… a lovely lady who follows Coffee and Quotes FB page sent me this today, after I’d said I’d had a few hours sleep…
I landed in Edinburgh just before midnight and there were 3 flights in at once, all trying to get through passport control. To be fair to them, they moved us through pretty quickly.
The flight was FREEZING! I didn’t sleep as I was so cold.i ended up unpacking my scarf and wrapping it around my head and shoulders… it didn’t make me warm but it took off some of the chill. So no sleep for me!
By the time I got through passport control, I felt really good. It was about 12.30am and I had been up since 6am, but I was so glad to be almost home.
I still had the drive to Ayrshire!
Check the sat nav…
That’s fun seeing at that 12.30am when you’re on your own 🫣 but still it didn’t phase me.
Funnily enough there were diversions for all of the road closures and while I did feel a bit nervous on some parts of the drive, I felt awake and I made it home by 1.45am…. Craig had put the electric blanket on for me…. Soooo good to be back.
I woke at 7am and tried so hard to snooze for hours, but never really got back to sleep.
So I decided to give up the rest of my day off and go into work.
I’m so glad I did it. I made it in by 11am.
I’d have ended up staying home and doing housework and that would have made me sad. Freya is moulting just now so we’re back to a house covered in dog hair…
Instead I have worked this afternoon and can take time off for a funeral we have on Thursday.
It’s 6pm and I still feel good. I know I am tired and it will hit me soon, but I took control of my day and did what felt right to me.
This time yesterday I was still in Milan city centre.
I had the best time away as lovely as it was to get back to my cosy bed.
Milan Bergamo is a great airport with access to so many places. I kept seeing road signs for Venice and was sooooo desperate to go there.
We managed to fit so much in to our weekend. I really enjoyed it. I have so many more videos to share over the next week while on my Instagram and Facebook.
I would highly recommend a trip to Verona. I think that was he highlight although Lake Garda came very close.
I had no anxiety once the plane was up in the air on Friday morning. I felt a lovely sense of calm come over me.
I’m listening to the Happy Place podcast and Fearne is interviewing Perrie Edward’s from the band Little Mix. Her therapist says “the things that we want the most… are on the other side of fear”. I completely agree with that. I got so panicked about going away and yet have had the best time.
Now I’m tired…. I’ll end today by sharing a few pics and then I need to de-dog hair the bed so I can get in early and read a book!
We woke just before 6am. I will not get back home until abound 2am tomorrow morning! I am cramming everything into my last day in Italy.
We got the Metro to Milano Centrale station and then the train out to Bergamo. It was light already as the clocks went back last night. This road doesn’t get very quiet but this is a lot quieter than during the day time.
All the trains are very different here. We were on the green one today (so technical, that’s only because I’m tired and I can’t remember the name of the company) heading out to Bergamo where Melanie’s friend Ivan, was meeting us.
This was a double decker train.
Just to prove we made it!
Ivan picked us up here and drove us all the way over to Lake Garda. To Desenzano del Garda. It took us an hour and a half.
The lake is beautiful.
The sun was just starting to come through. I’m Scottish so it’s still warm but the sun and blue sky always helps. 😆
We walk out on to the harbour wall.
The water is so clear and turquoise.
We walked to the west along the side of the lake. There’s this lovely wee marina.
The lake is so vast the photos don’t do it justice. You can’t really see anything at the other side of the lake but it’s very pretty.
I did a pose!
There are lots of lovely private jetty’s.
And some you can actually walk out on… or sit on…. Melanie got that scarf in Verona yesterday… I may have bought one too!
There are boat trips but we didn’t have time to do a trip and get all the way back to Milan before Melanie’s train to Rome.
Loved this boat.
We sat here and had lunch at that really pretty marina. Ivan very kindly treated us to lunch which was so very lovely and kind of him… especially as he had done all do the driving.
And here is the food….. it was the best meal yet. Everything was lovely. Again… I’m too tired to remember what it all was but it was very traditional Italian food.
The marina from the others side.
I had left my sunglasses in the car as it had been cloudy the last few days and I didn’t need them! I did today 😎
Ivan drove us all the way back to Milan and we said our final goodbyes outside Milano Centrale.
I went in to the station for some more photos. It’s one of the most beautiful buildings I have ever seen. I can’t believe how busy it is too.
I sat outside the station for a while and waited on my bus. It’s the first time I’ve needed to wear a cardigan.
Bergamo airport is heaving and my flight is delayed. Thankfully only by 20 minutes but I think they might have to wake me up to get on it.
Be found a wee corner to sit on the floor and I must be tired as it is sooooo comfy.
I’ve had such a lovely weekend.
I fought so much anxiety to get here. There are times I wonder why I put myself through it and then I remember the experiences that I have, when I do.
We’ve crammed so much in.
Thank you so much to Melanie for being my translator and guide and my Italian correspondent 🇮🇹😆 and thank you to Ivan for our trip today.
I’m going to get off the floor, head to the loo for the 100th time today then head through passport control and find my gate…. And hope there’s somewhere to sit through there!
Our room is wonderful but in the heart of Milan so is not the more quiet… I was woken at 3.42am by a loud beeping rubbish truck… it took me a while to get back to sleep. The rain was lashing down outside but I did get more sleep until our 6.30am alarm.
We were booked on the 8.15 train from Milano Centrale to Verona.
We got the subway as it was still torrential rain.
Milan Central Station is breathtaking.
Here is our train. It’s going to Venice…. Ooooh!
We are so full of life in the morning. (Not so much on the way home!)
I took this snapshot while we were halfway there. I saw Lake Garda from the train. It’s beautiful even when cloudy.
The weather cleared up as we reached Verona and we’ve had lovely weather all day. It hasn’t rained once and we were so lucky!! The forecast in Milan has not been so good.
This is Piazza Brá.
The Verona Arena is on the Piazza. It was a stunning view for a coffee.
I’m in a T-shirt and Miss Rome has been in a woollen coat most of the day 😆
Then the sun came out!!
We then walked into the old town. It’s very beautiful. It reminds me of Dubrovnik, just more colourful.
There was a market in this square. We had a good wee wander around the market! Piazza delle Erbe.
We then went to find Juliet’s House or Casa di Giulietta.
This is the famous Romeo and Juliet balcony. Of course it’s very busy with people but not as bad as it must be in the height of summer.
It’s €12 to get into the house and I thought it was well worth it. It’s very beautiful and was surprisingly quiet inside.
You have to queue to get out on the balcony but even then it was only a small queue.
You can then walk all through the rooms of the house.
I have so many more photos but I’ll share them another day. It’s hard work doing all this sightseeing 😆😘
Back outside.
We then had some chocolate fountain strawberries… out of this world. Then headed out to the River Adige. It was beautiful…. So green.
And towards Ponte Pietro.
It looks really dark and mean and moody but for us Scots, it’s still warm!
Then another pizza… with the Arena in the background.
It was so lovely to sit down and enjoy the view again.
We’ve had the most amazing day but we’re shattered!! I have re-read this and feel I did it a disservice as we saw so many beautiful buildings.
This is why I travel.
I am blown away by the beauty in our world. I feel so at home wondering around here. There is beauty everywhere I look. How many times have I said “wow” today?!?
And the day is not over yet. It’s 4.42pm and we’re sitting in Verona train station waiting on our return to Milan Centrale.
We are now on the train to Zurich…. How exciting is that?!?! I could just stay on?!?!
I went to bed at 7.30pm and I’m sure I was asleep pretty quickly. I was shattered after all the histrionics 😆 I do get myself into some state at times.
The alarm was set for 1.45am but I woke at 12 for the loo, thankfully I went straight back to sleep so I felt fairly refreshed by the time I got up.
I had my shower last night so all I had to do was get dressed and finally decide which trainers I was wearing…. That’s been the tough decision all week. I know, I hear myself 🫣
I’m not proud of the anxiety that I feel at times. I’m pretty ashamed of it. I’m angry at the ridiculousness of it but I feel compelled to share the bad with the good.
I want you to know that none of this comes easily to me. If that helps one other person feel less alone with anxiety then it’s worth it.
As soon as the alarm goes off I am relatively calm. There are nerves but it’s nothing like the fear of the last few days.
In the doing I am calm.
The overthinking is over and I just have to get on with it.
Craig had said he’d get up with me. He was fast asleep and I consider waking him but decide to leave him. He gets up at the last minute and sees my rear lights disappear out the wrong end of the village. I just missed him.
The wrong end of the village is because there’s a road closure on the sat nav. I have worried about that all week too.
You just have to take the diversion.
It took a bit longer but I left early enough to allow for it.
The drive was quiet and very dark. I say quiet but there are still a surprising number of vehicles out on the motorway by the time I get there.
I’m conscious that I am body scanning all the way over looking for signs of fear, unwell, anything that might let me down. I try to stop that.
I drove into Plane Parking car park at 3.27am and was through security by 3.50pm.
We walked through a a very long random corridor and I only realised later that it was because nothing was open yet! We bypassed duty free.
A Ryanair early flight can’t be faulted. They had us on board and ready to go with a half hour to spare. I’d forgotten how tightly packed in the seats were. Ryanair have threatened me with a middle seat since I booked because I didn’t want to pay. I got one… but it’s not the worst.
I’m writing this from way above the clouds. It’s a beautiful sunrise 🌅 but my middle seat won’t let me near it. I never thought that through 😆
Landed just about 8.30 uk time and 9.30 Italian time… straight through passport control. I say straight…. We zigzagged like a zigzagging crazy thing…… but no hold ups at all.
The only hold up was the bus I’d booked through Ryanair. We didn’t leave the airport until 10.40 but I guess I’d have been glad of that if I’d had hold luggage.
The bus from Bergamo airport takes around 50 minutes into Milan.
I am now excited. Finally!!
It’s very dark and misty but lovely and mild.i got the best hug from Melanie when we met.
It’s 6.25 Milan time and we have walked all afternoon. We went to Maruzella Milano for lunch.
This id a huge dump of photos just now as I’m exhausted!!
We won’t be long before we are off to sleep!
I’m not sure if I said but I was calm by the time we were up in the air.
I’m so proud of myself for battling through the panic and getting here.
I knew I would love it….. I do need it to stope raining though!!
I woke at 5am with a THUMPING headache. I’d been dreaming really heavily and I couldn’t shake out of it. My whole body was tense and in pain…. It was my first night on progesterone, which probably kept me asleep for that long.i drank lots of water and then finally had to take paracetamol at 6.30 and that shifted it.
It’s amazing what our bodies do when we worry and stress.
I am trying very hard to be upbeat about my 1.45am start tomorrow morning.
I chose to do this.
I choose to do this.
Feel the fear and do it anyway.
The fear is all in my head.
A series of what if scenarios.
If I told you I waterproof sprayed my trainers this morning, as it looks like rain in Verona on Sunday…. I feel like that gives you the measure of my deep dive into concerns.
7am… spraying trainers. Whatever next.
There was a lovely glow to the sky again this morning. It “almost” makes driving to work in the dark, worthwhile.
I had some lovely cuddles with my pupper team last night before we all had an early night.
This is when I came home from crochet.
Bless them.
Joooooolly’s Wooooooolly giveaway went well last night. I got rid of lots of wool and lots of books.
I cannot tell you how good I feel to clear things out. I get so overwhelmed by having too much lying around, by moving things from one place to the next, knowing I will never use it, but holding on to it in case I do.
So….. my day…. Fine in the morning, fine at lunch. Gut wrenching cramps at 2pm ish and I’ve been an anxious wreck ever since. Had to go to the chemist to buy some cramp meds as I’d run out.
This is a ridiculous state to get into.
Travelling is everything I want to do but I am terrified.
I cannot seem to live without some bloody drama or another.
I know how to stop anxiety on paper.
When I’m right in the thick of it as I am now…. There’s no stopping it.
Do I bask in it? Do I revel in it? Maybe…. No…. But I fight it every step of the way. I need to let it be what it is and calmly observe it.
My fight or flight is off the scale, the tears are burning in my eyes and I just feel SO sorry for myself. Why can’t I allow things to be fun, what am I so scared of?
I’m so angry with myself for feeling like this.
But in writing, I realise that I’m scared of my anxiety… I’m scared it lets me down, causes me to flap, to panic, not to think straight. There are the tears….. I’m letting it win.
It can’t win. I can do this. Months ago when I booked it I was desperate to do this.
The lovely Melanie, who I’m meeting in Milan, left me a voice note today…. She told me I’m only going to Italy, not Yemen and if I don’t have the right things I can buy them. That makes me laugh…. Then I wonder if I could buy them in Yemen too?!
I’m smiling through the tears so that a start.
I hate that I’m such a scaredy cat doing the one thing I really want to do…. Travel and see the world.
Now I’m gonna head off for a shower and calm the hell down and get a very early night.
Alarm set for 1.45am.
Poor Craig is going to get up with me…. But that will be really nice for me. We’ve barely seen each other all week and he’s working tonight.
I’m sorry to moan again. It’s helped to write it.
Now to lookup if there are any overnight road closures to be aware of.
Up at 5.30am and out for a run with the girls. There were 4 of us this morning.
It was soooo dark this morning. We have plenty of reflective gear between us, and head torches, but it’s amazing how much darker it was this week.
It was also really mild at 10°C so the wee jacket came off half way round.
This was a fast run today as we stopped to take photos and still ran at an average pace of 7.15/km. I felt it!
Rachel spotted this plane flying overhead. It looked amazing in the dark.
You can see the stars too. It’s strange that it was 10°C and you could see the stars. Usually that means a chilly one at this time of year.
The tree is lit by my head torch in this next one.
Looking back down the road we just ran up.
There’s a car coming!!
Here we all are at the end. 5.45s.
Straight into the shower and surprisingly no dizziness at all this morning. Maybe because it’s dark my head can’t see much movement?
It was gorgeous drive to work this morning, the sky was so red. It was almost gone by the time I got to work.
So work is done and home now. I’ve sold another two things on Vinted so had to take them to get delivered after work and that DOES NOT STRESS ME OUT ONE WEE BIT…… 😫
Why does it bother me so much when I have to stop off somewhere on my way home?! I can do anything in the morning on the way in but not the way home.
Anyway, it’s done now.. TWO delivery shops later. I swear I make it harder than it needs to be through my frustration. 😆
I’m off into the pub for crochet now. I’m doing Jooooolly’s Wooooooolly giveaway tonight. It feels amazing to clear my wool out and dump it on my lovely crochet buds who already have more than me!!
And breathe.
The heartbeat levels are still high just now but I am starting to look forward to my trip too. Now that I’ve managed to pack my tiny wee bag!!
I have literally built myself up into an almost panic attack this morning.
I say almost because it’s not a panic attack… but my head is frantically trying to send me into terror.
I’m sitting outside the doctors, waiting for blood tests for my vertigo. I’ve been dizzy all morning and I’m close to tears. I think I may cry in the docs (I didn’t).
I worked from home this morning, started at 7am so I can take an hour out to go to the docs and head back to work. I feel incredibly uncomfortable working from home. I feel some strange need to prove my worth. Sending ridiculous emails that prove I’m “here!”.
I feel anxious. Squirrely (which is definitely not a word) . I’m so overwhelmed and it’s all in my own head. I’m not particularly worried about the blood tests but the fact that my week is taken over by my trip at the weekend.
She, who is so desperate for change and bored by reality, is catapulted into panic the minute there’s something big on the horizon.
It gives me so much more to think about (it doesn’t really) it gives me so many more things to do (it doesn’t really) it adds some turbulence to my otherwise controlled life…. That it does!
If you followed my Fb page and saw everything that I do, you would think I live the life of Riley (what does that saying even mean?!?).
I don’t know why, but it is so important for me to share my reality with you. So many of the wonderful things that I do come at a cost. I find them difficult. They make me anxious, they make me sweat the small stuff…. And yet I feel the fear and do it anyway.
Gayle and I always laugh that I dread everything and then enjoy pretty much everything I do.
Today I have fought the fear all the way.
The nurse told me my veins were “mince”…. A Scottish phrase for not great, and she took a while to be able to get a vein good enough. (It took her a lot longer when I went in January for bloods mind you).
She asked me how much I drank…
Eh hullo………. All I drink is water!!! When you’re a drinker and they ask the dreaded question, you always say less than you actually have because you think it sounds bad… when you don’t drink, it’s glossed over as a meh…. When you want a fanfare for being the healthiest you can be. No fanfare. Just mince veins. 😆
Anyway, she was really lovely, made me laugh and I didn’t even have a wobble when I was with her. Blood results will be available on 1st November when I’m booked in for my vertigo procedure.
So back to today… once I got settled in work I was fine and seemed to find an even keel.
I went to the shops after work and by the time I got home I was adamant I was finalising everything for my trip to Milan on Friday.
So it’s 20.20 and my bag is packed. It’s the tiniest Ryanair authorised rucksack so I’m not taking much.
I am leaving the house at 2.15am on Friday morning and driving straight to Edinburgh Airport.
It takes me one hour and 15 so I will be at the airport car park for 3.30am.
I will park and get the bus and be in the airport for 4am when check in opens.
I will check in and my flight will be on time at 6am. 🤞🏼
I will sleep on the plane. 😆🤞🏼
I bought new trainers to wear but they arrived today and don’t fit so back to the trusty old ones it is.
Decisions made.
Head calm. (I laughed reading this back as there are still thoughts flying around but it’s way calmer than it was).
Hope to sleep like a log again tonight.
The only plus point to all the overthinking is the exhaustion it causes.
Doesn’t our CHRISTMAS cactus look lovely. it blooms all out of kilter 😆
And finally… check us out 7 years ago today and my cousins wedding… we scrubbed up well back in the day!
I had such a great sleep. I was out for the count until 5am when I woke up.
My mind started racing.
I didn’t want it to race.
I tried an Eckhart Tolle thing that I saw the other day. You imagine a wee mouse hole on the wall and you sit and watch it, wondering what is going to come out of it. What thought is going to come next? It clears your mind of noise and helps you focus on the present. It works to a certain extent.
I then tried reverse psychology…. Instead of “I can never get back to sleep”… “I always fall straight back to sleep”…. To be fair it really worked but I was conscious that my whole body was tense, and it began to relax.
I have to work at having a good day sometimes.
This was my little gang this morning .
I made them sit on the bed before they could get lots of hugs and kisses. You can see the excitement as they know what is coming…. Maybe not from Freya but hey…. I feel like she is saying, this is just dumb… 😆
I got them up early this morning as I was working and Holly next door was very kindly walking them and checking in on them. I wanted them to get some good time up and about before I left.
This is what life is like with dogs… from the shower…. 🫣
I really feel like I’ve bonded with them these last few weekends. Never a moments peace but it’s lovely. Check me going all dog gooey. 😆
It’s always about the tennis ball with Calaidh.
Now I’m drying my hair….
How would I cope without my wee team?!
Then I’m off to work. I hate leaving them when Criag is away but I talked them through it and I think they were ok with it. 😆
Freya said I’m sleepy mumma….
Bhru says whatcha doing?!?
And Calaidh says… that’s not my good side.
So poor Craig was driving all day while I was at work. I called him every time I went to the loo… just to check up on him.
It’s good to have him back but he did ask that I give him a bit longer in the house before I start moaning…
Moi?!?
Never…..
Just keep it tidy and all will be fine.
😆
So I’m taking tonight off worrying about what to take to Milan.
You know me by now. I love to solo travel but it doesn’t come lightly… is that even English?!
I have to be in Edinburgh for a flight at 6am on Friday morning. That means a very early start from home….. it’s to be torrential rain overnight…. Or a hotel…. Very expensive. When you travel alone there is no one to discuss this with. No one to make the decision except for me. I’m so glad I’m meeting Melanie out there, as I don’t have to plan anything by myself when we’re there.
I’m overthinking it all. I don’t know how many times I’ve tried to check in… but can’t as I’m not paying for a seat. Ryanair say… well if you’ll pay for a seat we’ll let you check in. 😆 Naw!
I’ve checked the car park so many times.
I’ve thought about when to leave, so many times.
Still no real decision.
So tonight I’m relaxing with candles and crochet. Been a while since I’ve crocheted but I did it all night, last night and really enjoyed it.
It calms me.
Don’t worry I’m not a basket case of worry. I’m just anxious. Worrying about every eventuality.
Gran said we worry about the day we never saw., in my family. There’s a saying I should try to move on from. 😆
It’s my wee brother’s birthday today and he is having Mum and Dad and I to the house this afternoon.
Unfortunately, it looks like I am not going to be able to go because of this storm that is hitting us right now.
We’ve been advised only essential travel.
I feel awful that I’m missing it and it looks like I’m the proud owner of some lovely flowers that were meant for my sister in law…. But in true anxious and introverted fashion, I am so relieved that I don’t have to negotiate that weather.
Current view so far.
When I was younger I would take on anything… this week I have watched the weather every day and have concocted a whole host of things that could go wrong.
I opened my eyes at 4.30am and it was still calm outside but the wind is definitely picking up now.
I scrolled through my Rambling Sloth FB pages… I rarely use my own one these days… the sloth page is full of positivity and good thoughts. It inspires me so much.
I did this.
While social media can be really bad for us, you can use it to your advantage and only follow people that inspire you. You can unfollow… ok maybe that’s too much for some people, or you can snooze anything that “irks” you. I use it to build my mental resilience for the day.
So…. What to do today….
I brought the dogs through to the bedroom to have a lie in…. Of course I didn’t sleep.
We spoke to Craig and Khaleesi and then got up. The house is so dark I’ll be going for mood lighting today to cheer us all up.
The dogs have been out the back and will need walked but I’m waiting on a gap in the rain.
Do you ever get overwhelmed by the simplest of things?!? I think we all do at times….. well I hate to see my emails build up so this morning I have unsubscribed from so many mailing lists. It feels good. My inbox is clear.
So… I have a list for today…. In case I did that… “ugh I’m really bored” thing and thought I had nothing to do.
It’s 2.02pm now and I have only just sat down and I’ve done 5 things off my list already and a huge thing that wasn’t even on my list!
I’ve gutted everything out from under the bed and I’ve made the brave decision to get rid of all of my wool. I have so many unfinished projects and so much wool lying around that I may never use.
I did find this beautiful blanket which was work in progress and I’d forgotten all about.
So I have kept some wool to add to that.
I’ve got lots of things to throw out and bags for charity. I am without ruth…. As we joke sometimes (ruthless!).
I’ve also walked the dogs. I have to say, while this wind is strong and gusting, I don’t feel like it’s bad enough to have cancelled my brother’s birthday. I feel really guilty about that.
It is very autumnal as the leaves are all being blown off the trees.
I came home and started a Mushroom Stroganoff from Healthy Living James. His recipes are easy enough for me to follow and I LOVE a mushroom! 🍄🟫
Nothing beats a new non stick frying pan either… before things stick to it!
The only ingredient I was missing was lemon juice. Hey…
It was really lovely.
So it’s now 17.53 and I’m sitting in front of a movie.
I’ve put load more up for sale on Vinted, this afternoon and already sold a cardigan from last night.
The wind picked up all afternoon. I am really grateful not to be driving in it but I still don’t think it’s as bad as forecast. Maybe that’s because I’m sitting in a 300 year old stone cottage. 😆
I’ve had a lovely weekend. I miss Craig but I have a wonderful calmness from some alone time in the house. I’ve enjoyed the dogs.
I’ve done so much a yet I have rested too. I am completely in control of my own energy.
I listed to a really good podcast with Davina McCall interviewing Fearne Cotton, while I worked. It’s called Begin Again.
I love the concept of this podcast as I feel like I have had to begin again in life. . Fearne says that she has to control her environment these days to ensure that she is the best version of herself. I’ve never thought of it like that but I am exactly the same. When I am alone, there is nothing that can knock me for six. I know that’s is no way to live but it really helps me regenerate. I feel restored and ready for all that the week can throw at me.
I’m also lucky enough to be heading to Milan next weekend to meet the lovely Melanie. I just need to decide what on earth to take with me in my tiny Ryanair carry on bag. 😆
Maybe I’ll get to see Craig for 5 minutes too. He’s really enjoyed his course.
🤣 May your temper be cool… when faced with absurd nonsense. 😆 I love this from Sweatpants & Coffee.
I changed the bed last night and it was soooo lovely. I was in bed for just after 8.30pm! It’s funny when we’re kids we spend all our lives trying to stay up late, now I find that bed can be the best bit.
I managed to doze on and off until 6am when I jumped out of bed and got into my running gear, to take the dogs for a walk, before I met the running girls. There had been a hint of the run going a bit further than usual so I didn’t want the dogs to miss out.
It was very dark, but I had the three pupsketeers and my headtorch on.
When it came to it. I didn’t feel safe walking on the backroads so we walked the streets…. If you’ve been in our wee village you will know that takes all of 5 minutes!
So we headed out the main road which felt safer.
I love this photo I took of my friend’s house. She has Halloween decs up and the clouds looked amazing against the super moon.
Her spider webs are glistening in the light.
We carried on in the dark.
Everything looked so atmospheric with the way the moon shone on the clouds.
I love our wee cottage.
So 4 of us set off at 6.45am. It felt really good to start. I was buzzing to be back out running.
I love that we catch up on all the news while we run. Sometimes you don’t even realise you’re running for that distance.
When we were round about the 5k mark, Rachel suggested that we run a bit further so Lynsey, Rachel and I headed up the hill….
First a quick team 5k pic!
Then we’re off….
I found it hard going . I had to walk for a few minutes at times, just to get my breath back.
By the time we got back into the village we were close to 9kms and we ALL knew we had to run up the hill to the and hit the 10k!!
We did it!
It’s says it’s my third fastest 10k and to be fair it is only my third 10k….. 🫣😆 so it was my slowest but I need to stop looking at the times.
If you’d told me I’d have run 3 x 10k this year I’d never have believed you. Rachel and I were going to run “round the block” once a week, which is less that 3k…. I felt like that would be a struggle.
Look at us now.
I’m so proud of what we’ve achieved. What I’ve achieved….. and I can’t thank all of the girls enough, for being there to help me do it.
Sooooo… back in to the house to hang up the washing I’d put on before I went out 😆 I hear myself…. Who actually am I these days?!?!
Then after my shower it was down to the little gift shop for the morning.
The shop looks amazing!!!
The Christmas stuff is beautiful again this year. It was so busy this morning. Christmas things are flying it the door already. It was so lovely to get a catch up though not much time to chat!
It’s been a beautiful afternoon. There’s been a warmth to the sun.
I started putting clothes up for sale on Vinted as it was nice to take photos in the sun.
I lost my spark after about 3.30pm. I’m shattered now and it’s no wonder.
Craig and Khaleesi are still down south and the house is a dog short! I’m in my comfies and I’m going to light the candles and settle down for the evening.
And relax…. my friend Ruth sent me this… we should all look for glimmers.
I’ve had so many glimmers today.
Have a lovely Saturday and please be careful in tomorrow’s storm if you’re in the UK. It’s not looking great.
I was working at Tartan again today…. Check me with the 5 day week malarkey, TWO weeks in a row! Almost like a real person….
I’m knackered 😆 actually I’m not…. I just wanted sympathy 😆
I had another really good day. Phone put to the side and spent the whole morning in the present moment.
Craig has left us AGAIN….. another weekend away. You all know I say that tongue in cheek as it’s usually me who is away.
He’s off down to Leominster. He drove this far today with Khaleesi!
I took Bhruic to work today.
She seemed really sleepy this morning. She was really confused being taken into work. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen her uncertain about meeting people. She was shying away behind me. To be fair, it’s not often the pack are separated so it was good for her to be somewhere different.
I tried to teach her the command “under” to get her to go under my desk and lie down.
Well that went well…..
I couldn’t believe it that every time I said under she launched herself up on the desk. She was so proud of herself. 😆
I realised that “under” may be confused with “up” so I changed it to “lie down”… now we understand. 😆
She took a while to settle but once she did she was great. Off lead the whole time and following me about.
So I got lots done this week. It’s the October holidays so half of Tartan takes the week off. It’s always quiet but thankfully there was nothing I couldn’t handle.
We got home and I did a poo pick in the back garden as I’ve been meaning to do it all week…. While it’s not that nice a job when you have 4 dogs, I found all these lovely leaves…
Honestly what have I done with myself… the old me would have been running to the pub…the new me is picking up leaves in the gardens because I think they are so pretty. 😆
This one always makes me think of a dinosaur footprint.
These ones are a really deep brown and the photo doesn’t do it justice.
This one is so bright. Vibrant!
I loved the colour of these ones too… more rustic.
And beech leaves….
I’ve been really productive this afternoon, tidying the house again but it feels good.
I am trying so hard to get photos and videos off my iPhone.
Craig bought me a cable to transfer from the iPhone to a hard drive. I followed all of the instructions and the last step… hit SAVE…. And save is not an option. I’ve tried everything…. I walked away from it.
I ate a box of mint Matchmakers instead. 😆 the whole box!!! I feel a little bit sick now…
And relax…. A busy weekend and have to babysit the dogs too… 😆😆😆😆
I slept really well but was gutted no one was available for a run as I really wanted to go out. The forecast had been rotten on Wednesday so I’d suggested Thursday… as a result went to work with dirty hair yesterday and am all out of whack with my hair washing routine for the next few days… these things matter to a life control freak., yet on the grand scheme of things they are irrelevant.
Today I’m going to try and stop looking stuff up on my phone…. My mind is racing with thoughts and questions and I’m going to try and write them down rather than look them up… 😆
I thought a lot last night about burying your emotions. I feel good just now (apart from a bit of dizziness which is nothing really) but I’m avoiding some true questions that need to be answered.
What do I want to do doing the rest of my life?
I am happy. Have a lovely husband, 4 lovely dogs and you all know as much as that is all true, times can be tough too like anyone’s lives. Craig and I work at this a lot more now. We’re both more aware and niggles don’t last as long as they may have done when we’re younger. We do try to understand where the other is coming from.
I just know that still there is something else that I need to do.
I’ve tried to actively go after whatever “it” may be… then get frustrated by lack of ideas, lack of confidence and convince myself that the person who continually “searches” will always have to “search”.
I need to sit with life and just be.
I am living in a giant comfort zone and I’m scared to step out of it while everything is telling me that I have to.
Then I seem to be swallowed up in a world of constantly checking my phone and immerse myself into to tv shows that I can binge and keep my mind well away from the just being.
I am also very hard on myself. Oooooh a wee twinge of a possible tear on the eye there.
I have 35 messages at lunch but that is totally ok… my head is clear and I’m really enjoying the work I’m doing. I’m reaching for my phone absentmindedly, but I haven’t touched it.
I’m sticking with it this afternoon!
Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not sitting on my phone rather than working but I’m constantly tap tap tapping at it to see if there’s something to reply to. Today has been a breath of fresh air living in the moment and not being side tracked.
I had a great day at work and got a big job done. I felt clear headed and focussed.
I know a few people liked the boundary stuff I shared the other day.
And this next one is the crux of it all….
Do something that 90 year old you would look back on and be proud of you for doing. Don’t just settle for the status quo (unless you are more than happy to of course and that is ok!) step out of that comfort zone.
It was torrential rain and the drive to work was really bad. There were huge puddles all over the roads and I have to admit, I really struggled to see in the dark. I never thought I’d be”that person” but I’m not looking forward to a whole winter of driving on the dark country roads.
It was really mild despite being pretty dark for a long part of the day.
I listened to a really good podcast while I worked.
I know most of you won’t be interested as it’s about giving up alcohol but it blew me away… she says that sobriety is only 10% stopping drinking and 90% emotional sobriety.
She says in her early 20’s she went through a life changing event and thought well that’s definitely a 2 bottle of wine night tonight!
Why?
Because we choose to bury our sorrows rather than face them head on and feel what we really feeling.
When I stopped drinking, I moved onto chocolate and sweets and put on 4 stone in weight! Anything that would raise my mood and cheer me up rather than feeling the depression that I was suffering from.
She says that our emotional sobriety hinges around our ability to set boundaries and this is the bit that I think everyone will benefit from.
No means no and yes means yes but you can say no without being mean.
She puts it better than that!!
People pleasers offer say what they think others want to hear. They often say yes when then really mean no and suffer the consequences as a result.
We can all benefit from healthy boundary setting.
It’s well worth a listen.
I’ve stayed home from crochet tonight as I’m shattered. The tablets I’m on are making me so drowsy…. I’m yawning my head off all day.
Thanks to some great advice I got today, I’m going to try and reduce the dosage and see if it still helps to waken me back up again!
It’s 7pm and I have just sat down…. I know that doesn’t seem that bad but I feel run ragged.
I’m not staying next door tonight as a change of plan so I’m back in with the 4 dogs instead of one dog, a cat and a chinchilla!!
I slept soooo well last night despite it feeling so strange sleeping in my neighbours bed 😆 it’s not every day if you do that. I had a lovely mushroom curry for dinner… I invited Craig but he didn’t stay long as he had to get back to ours. I sat and watched Queen Victoria and took Leo out for a walk at 9pm.
Poor Leo was back out before 7am!!
The wee paws on the bars…. 🐾🐾 bless…
Work was just one of those days that made me a bit frustrated. I think I’m really drowsy on the dizzy tablets and I have also felt pretty dizzy today. I think… dizzy and not dizzy have merged into one for so long 😆
When I left work, I had to go for diesel as I was empty… then I went to the Bank of Scotland… finally resolved my PIN number issue…. I sat on a bench outside of the Bank in Irvine, and authorised the 4 payments outstanding. I can breathe!
Then…. I get home and take Calaidh and Khaleesi up the hill for a quick walk… Calaidh is off lead while Khaleesi has to stay on.
Then… back to the house to pick up Bhruic and Freya or dinkles and doodles as I call them sometimes.
They had a huge run up the hill. it’s amazing to see them run so fast, like greyhounds out of the stalls.
I noticed the village hall has its Christmas lights on tonight… how pretty.
Then I came home and fed the dogs and made my own dinner. I totally lie as I heated up Holly’s veggie Jambalaya which was abaolsulth out of this world. I’m not exaggerating, it was so tasty.
So… I felt a bit stressed this afternoon, a bit rushed as if everything was piling on me at once. Things at work I can’t change or can’t resolve, things I can’t answer and I felt like they piled up this afternoon.
I carried that stress home until I actually wrote about that just now. It is nothing. I just get over anxious in trying to do everything right and keep everything just so. Real life doesn’t always allow things to go perfectly. Some days I can handle that and other days I flap.
I had a nice wee lie in this morning, for a whole 50 minutes, because I had the Doctor this morning, to check out my dizziness.
I have lived with a dizzy head for years. I’ve always had a kind of out of body experience at different times. I’ve grown used to and rarely mention it. I honestly thought it was either my Varifocal lenses or a low blood sugar due to fasting.
It’s just was what it was….
I didn’t fast in Dubrovnik and it was worse than ever. The world was bouncing for a lot of the week. Hence the trip to the doc.
He carried out some tests.
One was the Hallpike manoeuvre where I sat up on the bed and he had a hand behind my head and neck and moved me to lie down quickly. I felt ok for about 10 seconds until my head started to swim and it’s been swimming ever since 😆
I’ve been diagnosed with Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo or BPPV.
I have an appointment for bloods on Tuesday.
I also have an appointment for a n Epley Manoeuvre on 1st November. (There are a lot of manoeuvres in this BPPV world eh?!?)
They said I can’t drive for 48 hours after it.
Its aim is to “reposition ololiths back into the utricles from the posterior semicircular canals”
🤪
It basically involves bending over backwards for a while…. I think that should come easy to me, I’ve done that in every job I’ve had since I started working , jokes!!
In the meantime, I have some Prochlorperazine tablets to help when it’s bad.
I then phoned the Bank of Scotland about my PIN number issue, only to be told I should have been trying it at a Bank of Scotland cash machine….. if only they’d told me that last week, might have helped. 🫣
All of that before work this morning!
Work was crazy busy from start to finish….
I went a walk with Claire and Calaidh when I got home from work. It’s been such a lovely day today.
It was such a lovely walk.
The light is beautiful.
Great chat as usual.
And then…. I moved next door, above the pub for two nights looking after their dog Leo, cat Neville and Cilla the Chincilla, while they are away.
I’m so lucky… I have loads of lovely food that Holly has left me. More food than I could ever eat in two days. Leo is being walked a good few times during the day while I’m at work.
A full on day. Dog walk at 9pm and then bed methinks.
There was a lot of washing drying in her room and I didn’t want her breathing in all that damp air. Here she is all colourful wrapped up and ready for bed.
Yes I know she is “just a dog”… I never did this with the rest of them. 😆 she just seems like she might need it!
I woke this morning to a lovely red glow on the wall of the room…. I looked out and saw this… not the best photo but you get the idea!
So poor Khaleesi got dragged out to witness it in all its glory.
She’s still so excited when we pass the village hall gardens…. She saw a squirrel here once and she thinks she’ll see it every time we pass!
What a beautiful morning. It’s cold but not unbearably so.
This is the tree that’s the focal point of a couple of my Aurora photos.
The photos don’t do it justice, it was so vibrant!
The pylons again.
Doesn’t the village look really pretty in the sunrise this morning. Soooo pink 💕
Then I took Calaidh and Freya for a big walk. The sun looks so lovely in the sky but it’s only about 3-4°C. It is cold.
The trees look so dark.
Two of my favourite trees… I loved this horizon in lockdown.
It wasn’t as dark as these photos make out.
These guys were comical…. They walked right out to see us and then had a good nosy over the fence. I posted a funny video on The Rambling Sloth Instagram. They made me smile.
Twinning!!
And then there were even more cows… these ones came running over to the gate too. So inquisitive.
I start making the green lentil ragu in my new frying pan…
The next field was full of sheep, been a while since I’ve been down this way.
I had such a lovely walk… I felt so alive in the silence. It was so calm and peaceful. Only two cars passed me in the whole time I was out.
I saw this..
I can’t tell you how much this spoke to me.
Waking up to my life just how I left it the night before.
No blackouts, no arguments, no fear.
I get to experience all of this with a fresh head… all before 9am. My life has changed so muchZzz I’m in bed by 9-9.30 most nights ready for morning, my favourite time of the day.
The early bird catches the worm.
This farm is ready for winter. This is amazing wall of silage… again the photo hasn’t done it justice. It’s massive.
I can see all the sun over to Arran from here… despite the clouds, it’s a clear day.
I’m back home from the dog walks and it’s only 9.15am.
I light the fire and settle down with my laptop. I have so many photos on the iCloud that they are now trying to charge me £8.99 a month for storage. I thought I’d clear it up and remove some onto a hard drive.
I was at it for about 3 hours…. Didn’t seem to achieve anything in that time. I think I have too many photos to be able to load them onto a laptop to be able to get them onto a memory stick…. Anyway, I will figure that out somehow… or just pay the £8.99 a month.
Then I went to a cash machine to test the new PIN number for the Memorial Hall bank account. (If you read last weekend, I locked myself out of the bank as I keyed in the wrong pin 3 times…. Then remembered the pin and can’t forget it!!)
Argh, it did not work. They told me it had to be a LINK cash machine. This is my 3rd cash machine and it still says the card is not supported by the ATM…
Calaidh’s face says it all.
This drives me insane with frustration. I made a simple mistake and now I’m having to jump through hoops to try and rectify it…. Things like this stress me out way more than they should. My head is RAGING at me for being so stupid…. I’m sure the process to rectify takes longer than it should, just so that I can beat myself up for it. I will have to try and call the bank again tomorrow and I’m sure they will tell me I just have to keep trying a LINK machine… failing that, I’ll have to try and get to a branch.
Then I come home to make a vegan lasagne, from a recipe I saw…. Somewhere…. Could I find the recipe?!?!? I looked everywhere on my phone. Back to last Sunday when I found the recipe…. Couldn’t find it anywhere, spent a half hour trying when I suddenly remembered a recipe book I’d been looking at. 🤦🏻♀️
I opened the book and found it. just like that…
His frying pan was apparently reduced from £39 to £13.50….
Then I realise I did not pick up tins of chopped tomatoes…… ugh….
Of course I realise while I’m cooking…. Big sigh.
Thankfully I messaged Holly next door when she was at the supermarket and she got me some!
So I sat down to watch a movie as the ragu is cooking…. It’s safe enough in front of a movie. The ragu should take 33-35 minutes, it’s been on the go for over an hour!!
Craig and Bhru are nearly home. They had a much warmer night with a wee electric heater. I think they’ve had a lovely day making the most of a long drive home.
My lasagne is now in the oven… I’m not sure how it will go.. I watered the ragu down so much.. but hey.. I made a lovely dinner so I will eat it.
I woke at 6am and had to shut the bedroom window as it was so windy. It was still dry but the forecast was pretty wet….
Craig’s away this weekend. He’s away up in Fort Augustus being the Scottish Dog Behaviourist. It was a 4 hour drive for him to get there. He doesn’t do this very often but he took the chance to camp on either side of the job.
5 of us were running at 6.45 and by the time we met, it was still dark and pouring with rain.
We realised that in all the months we have been running Wednesday and Saturday, we have never had weather that bad (apart from the 10k Irvine one!!) we’ve been so lucky that it’s always been dry.
Not so today…
It was wild!! Before long we were soaked to the skin…. Right down to the undies 😆
We still managed 5.5kms. It was great to have so many of us together too.
Elly was so kind and brought us all cupcakes this morning.
They are so pretty and tasted so good!
I was completely soaked!
I had to have a hot shower as soon as I got home… the heat of the water stung my skin.
It was so dark and torrential rain on and off all morning. I started on the housework as soon as I was out of the shower……
I did not stop until 1pm. I went through phases of being possessed by cleaning and loving every minute to despairing at the mess and being overwhelmed by clutter.
We have so much to clear out but I need to get the house clean before I can start thinking of that.
So I did….
I had some lunch and finally caught a dry spell, managed to get the dogs out before 2pm. The sun even made an appearance! Love the reflection in the puddle.
Come on mumma… Freya is always checking for me.
Those big dark clouds are heading our way.
The burn is very full after the amount of rain we had this morning.
And it started to rain again!! I didn’t think we would make it round before that cloud hit.
Dropped Freya and Calaidh back in the henhouse… (forgot to say that Craig has Bhru!) and Khaleesi was next. The sun came out again!!
I’m still not walking her very far. She hopped a bit on her back leg.
THEN…. I went for a food shopping.
I have to say I’ve been sitting trying to write this for hours now. I am shattered. I’m yawning so hard there are tears streaming down my face!
I have so many more things I would like to do today but it was enough and it will all have to wait.
I have an overwhelming sense of of peace right now.
Still yawning my head off!! 😆
I hope you all have a great Saturday night and I hope that Craig and Bhruic stay warm. I’m very glad I’m not sleeping in tent tonight!
The Rambling Sloth 🦥 