Well…. 10 days since I was last at work and it does feel like I’ve been off forever.

I’ve been all over the place this week.

I am completely off kilter.

Spinning on the wrong axis.

I feel uncomfortable in my own skin.

My teeth are on edge.

My jaw is clenched.

I’ve felt squeamish.

I’ve a thumping headache.

My body is telling me something needs to change and try as I might, I can’t get to the answer.

I feel lost.

I’m SOOOOOOO DISAPPOINTED in myself.

Raging at the state I’ve got myself into.

This is the worst I have felt in a long time.

It’s all caused by me in my own head.

I’ve not been able to get out of it at all.

My head is full of noise.

I preach about living in the present moment but the present moment has me raging.

I’ve been so bored but not wanted to do anything.

The noise in my head is incessant.

There’s a very angry voice in there screaming at the injustice of it all.

You think you’re better do you? Ah well, we’ll show you….

Nothing gives me peace.

I couldn’t even drive to the beach today as I had a million reasons why that wasn’t a good idea.

I just need a minute out of my own head.

When Craig asks how I feel, I want to lie to him to pretend it’s all ok. He’s no daft. He knows fine well. It makes for a pretty rotten holiday for him too.

I hope this will pass once I get back to a routine.

The long and short of it is, if I lived by myself I’d rent out or sell everything and go travel the world.

I obviously can’t do that and need to find some way of making peace with it.

We had a good chat today about me trying to book some weekend breaks away. I need to try something to see if that helps. When they are places that Craig wants to go then he might come too.

I want to appreciate every single day. I write a blog that documents my day and when I do nothing it feels like a waste.

I’m not rested because I haven’t taken the time to rest. I have wittered away to myself the whole time. Put myself through turmoil.

And with that… I’m gonna shut up now as I’m sick of the sound of my own voice.

Here’s to a week of peace…. 🤞🏼

I’m off to do a mediation.

Oh and it’s been beautiful weather all day! Sunshine at last!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️