If you knew me in my drinking years then I guess you are probably just as surprised by this, as I am. 😂

2000 days of my life without a drop of alcohol. Who’d a thunk it, as my Gran would say?!

I should say that Gran wouldn’t have had an opinion on my drinking at all… it’s just her saying … obviously 😂😘

I loved a good glass of wine.

For birthdays, holidays, Christmas, Hogmanay, a day off, a christening, a baby shower, a night out, a sunny day a good day…. And bad day, a worse day and to recover from the day before.

Any excuse.

I wasn’t much of a drinker until my mid 30’s.

I had always been a people pleaser. I did everything I could to make everyone else happy but inside I was a mess.

Trying to please a senior management team that were impossible to please.

Hiring a strong team who questioned (quite rightly) everything the senior management team said.

Being customer facing but putting the senior team before the customer.

None of that sat well with me and I tied myself in knots trying to be everything to everyone.

I loved nothing more than any excuse to have a drink. I would live for the time when it was socially acceptable to have a glass of wine. By then I was self medicating and really only drinking because I was bloody miserable in my working life.

It never occurred to me that I could just leave. I had such low self esteem that by then, I thought I was worthless.

I made everyone happy except for myself…. Until I started crying and didn’t stop for ages.

After being off sick from work for 4 months, I decided to try Dry January 2019. I was trying everything I could to improve my mood long enough to cope with work again.

I went back to work in January 2019, a shadow of my former self.

I was persona non grata, I was no longer invited to the senior management conferences, I was missed out of meetings. I no longer existed in that world. I disappeared off the radar again in May of 2019 and not many people noticed.

I was terrified.

I had lived for my work.

But still I did not drink.

I consumed my body weight in Cadburys Chocolate Buttons instead and put on 4 stone.

But still I did not drink.

I couldn’t go back to the euphoria then hangover scenario.

I needed to be in control.

I needed to give myself a fair shot at recovery.

It was the hardest thing I have ever done but the biggest gift I have ever given myself.

I felt strange, I felt sad, I felt left out, I felt weird, I felt uncomfortable in my own skin.

People tried to encourage me to drink, told me I was boring and asked how long it would last for.

And still I did not drink.

I owed it to myself.

I did give in on two occasions… the night the pub next door was forced to close, on 20th March 2020, due to COVID-19 lockdown and again on reopening on 25th July 2020.

I have no idea why other than I just wanted to fit in and feel normal again.

Instead I felt like shit the next day and was soooooooooo disgusted with myself.

So back on the wagon since July 2020 and life is no longer controlled by alcohol.

I cannot tell you how amazing it feels to wake up every day without a hangover and to have control over my actions. I am living my life in the present moment rather than clouded by booze.

Even after all this time, I still feel a bit strange and a bit odd at social occasions but I have some wonderful friends around me who help make that easier for me.

I’ve learned that I have real social anxiety which I had no clue about but hey, I face it with a clear head.

There’s no getting away from the tough things in life, no way of drowning it. I have to face it head on.

And still I do not drink.

I’m so proud of myself for sticking to this and giving myself the best chance in life.

It’s just become my new way of life, for now.

Stay safe everyone ☕️☕️☕️