Day 1495 National Julie Day!

I did not excel myself as a Julie today… it’s another one of those days where the blog is hard to write. Hey, here I go.

It started with a 4.6K run with Lynsey at 5.45am. I’d slept like a log all night but felt really tired and groggy when I woke up. It took me the whole 15 minutes to concentrate on getting ready. I couldn’t think straight.

The run was hard but good. I was so pleased I did it. I was very red again by the end!

I walked straight into a cold shower. It’s not freezing but it’s on the cool wash instead or warm. It feels good against the heat of the run.

I got ready for work and took some photos of some of the flowers in the garden.

By the time I got to work I was in tears.

I just feel a bit run down, the cold is still lingering on, I’m shattered and I just feel really low.

It got so bad that I packed up my stuff and came home. I couldn’t sit there bubbling all day.

I sat at the dining room table and worked till 4.45pm. I was totally fine, spoke to loads of people on the phone, chatted away. Just couldn’t seem to do that in person this morning. I worked later than usual as I felt I’d wasted time faffing this morning.

I did call the doctor as these tears have been around for most of the weekend. She’s given me lots of advice on counselling and told me to be mindful of my own needs at the moment. To be kind to myself.

She didn’t prescribe anti depressants and I am actually really pleased at that. When you have suffered from anxiety and depression in the past, there’s always that fear that it’s “coming back”., that you can’t cope on your own.

She’s scheduled a call in a fortnight to check in with me. This was the doctor that really listened to me when I was ill. She has a lovely manner.

I am the healthiest I have ever been. I don’t drink, avoid caffeine, haven’t eaten meat for months, fast every day…. I enjoy all of that. It’s me taking some control over my own mental health. I need to control what I watch, who I spend time with, what I listen to, to ensure I control my anxieties.

You know what, sometimes that is all bloody hard work.

You can’t always do that and you sometimes feel your energy being drained.

I’m exhausted and I just need a rest from my head.

After the tearful drama of this morning, the quiet working day at home has been a welcome relief.

I’m so embarrassed by the tears that it only makes the anxiety worse.

So another line drawn under a healing day…. And a lovely dinner made.

And how mine looked either the obligatory Border Collie in the background…

It was lovely.

So I’m in my comfies, given my apologies to the Hookers and I’m going to watch Bridgerton and have an early night. Craig is banished to the dining room… he says he’s going to go in sit in the sunroom and look out the window all by himself…. Bless.

Have a lovely evening.

Keep smiling if you feel low as you know it will pass soon.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️