Day 1492 hmmmm….

There are days when I really don’t like being me.

Where I feel so annoyed at myself for feeling down and for feeling sad when it’s scorching hot outside and I have zero plans. So many people would kill for a day like that.

Yet today was one of those days.

If you roll your eyes reading as I roll my eyes writing this, then just skip to a happier one tomorrow…. Although I have to say the mood swings for the better from about 4.30pm… if you’re looking at some light at the end of the tunnel.

I hate days where I have to write about the doom and gloom. My head tells me people lose interest as I get so much more from a happy day.

I can’t be bothered wiring what I have to write let alone you choosing to read it.

Yet I carry on…. In the hope that it maybe makes one of your down days feel a little less. I’m sure we are all the same, for some reason my head is determined to share it.

We sat outside with the fire pit until 9.30 last night, but I was shattered. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I slept like a log, still helped along by the progesterone. My alarm went off at 6.30am and I woke from a deep sleep. I felt really tired and sluggish.

Sunday run club met at 7am at Gillian’s house. My Strava app thinks I flew along as I forgot to switch it off for the drive home.

The mood is light when we set off. I’m a non runner with the runners today and maybe I let that get into my head…. But my legs feel like lead. My breathing is shot and my cold is still hanging around. We run for a good while before I have to stop to blow my nose. I’m already wobbling.

From there on I feel like I’m holding the girls back, I’m a hindrance,

I send them on ahead twice and twice they come back for me.

The second time the bloody tears have come again. Hence the completion photo!

When I get home, the house is still quiet so I smuggle Khaleesi out for a walk. I’m happy to not have to talk just yet.

I try to let the tears flow but nothing comes. My tears like to wait until they have watchers.

It’s a really misty morning. It’s really muggy though.

Khaleesi is happy.

I head back and Craig’s up by now. We sit and have a lemsip together, as you do, and I head out with Calaidh and Bhruic.

The sun is desperately trying to burn through.

They have a run in this freshly cut field.

The sun peaks through!

When I get home I head out to Tesco to get myself some snacks for my big Waverley trip tomorrow. (Sailing from Glasgow to Oban).

I got home and put it all away and headed up to bed at 12.30pm and I slept for 2 hours until Craig came up to open the window.

I still felt tired and tearful but I’ve had a good rest.

I sanded down our garden bench.

Just realised I haven’t taken an after photo. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I haven’t stained it yet… that might be a Tuesday job.

I had a good chat with Craig about how I’m feeling and it really helped. I haven’t wanted to talk to anyone, I know I’ve retreated into a shell just now. I’m fed up feeling how I’m feeling and don’t want to burden anyone else with it. I’m fighting the need for change as I can see how to do it.

I need to have some patience that it will come.

At Kinesiology on Wednesday, we did an emotional cleanse. I thought that would be a good thing but maybe it’s brought all of my emotion out to cleanse it.

Today has been my lowest mood in some time… but it has lifted thankfully.

I have so much to be grateful for. Some days I just get caught in the humdrum and sludge of it all.

Hope

You all have a lovely sunny weekend!

This could be Scotland’s summer so we’re making the most of it with another fire pit tonight. I also need to pack for my big trip tomorrow. I need to be at the Glasgow Science centre for a 7am sailing. I won’t be home until after midnight. A day on the water!

So if you’re feeling low today. Big hugs. This too shall pass.

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️