I left the house at 8.15am this morning all set to surprise my Mum and go to church with my parents, this morning, for Mothering Sunday. 💕⛪️💕

And surprise her I did…. 🥰😂

I messaged just as I was leaving the house and told her to get the kettle on!

So actually timing wise I had to go straight to church as they were already there setting up. She had a black cup of decaf coffee waiting for me!

St James the Less Episcopal Church in Penicuik is a very beautiful church.

I have soooooo many memories in this church.

I grew up here.

I sang in the church choir until I was 18.

I attended Sunday night Youth Group and loved every minute of it.

I got married here the first time even although that was a big mistake. I wish Craig and I could have been married here.

Not a straight photo among them 😂😂

I remember all of the words to the prayers.

Today mum was one of the Lay Preachers and dad was on the keyboard… no organ for today’s family service.

So I’m sitting in the church…. I can’t explain the emotions I feel…. It transports me back to another time… it always has.

I was sitting on the left hand side in the church choir, when I was 12, for my very first Christmas Eve Midnight service… when we left we found out that my Grandad had died…. At 56.

I remember the first Christmas Eve that I sang a solo and had been at the Rugby Club all evening and felt a bit tipsy!!

I even made this kneeler back in 1996. It’s still going strong.

I turned round and saw this lovely face and we had a MASSIVE hug.

Hilary was in the year below me at school. It was so lovely to see her. I quickly moved back to sit with her and her mum.

I hope she doesn’t mind me saying, but she gave me this lovely card… with the loveliest words inside…

It meant a lot.

As the service goes on, I have waves of emotion….. my voice breaks occasionally singing the hymns. I really want to cry for a lost younger me but I swallow it back.

It keeps on coming through the service….. until I head up for communion and it’s Mum that’s standing there giving out the communion… and the emotion overflows, I can’t blink back the tears any faster.

I try to look everywhere other than let mum see the tears… but I think she spots them and has a well up too.

I don’t know why church does that to me. Listening to certain music gives me that big well up of emotion too.

So lots of hugs and catch ups later, we head back to mum and dad’s for lunch and I hang about waiting on my brother and his wife as they are coming over this afternoon.

Quick selfie with mum before I head home.

I am so glad I went over.

I was planning on a lazy day in the house. Then I thought about how awful it must be to have children, and they don’t go and see you on Mother’s Day… that must be pretty rotten. My lazy day can wait. Life is for living and making memories.

Mother’s Day is a difficult time for so many people.

Someone used a phrase today that I love… there are those of us who are childless through choice and those of us who are childless through circumstance. There are those of us who fell pregnant but couldn’t carry to full term. Those of us who have lost a child… unthinkable. Those of us who have lost our mum already or our mum’s are sick or who have a difficult relationship with them.

Being childless through circumstance, I think of all of these women today.

(thanks to the lovely lady for those words!)

I drove home blaring 80’s tunes… as you do when you are re-living your childhood.

I got stuck in a traffic jam on the Edinburgh City Bypass… instead of being stressed, I enjoyed the diversion… taking me on roads I haven’t been on for years.

Now I’m chatting with my P1 school buddy in Canada and we are reminiscing about everyone we went to school with. It’s just one of those reminiscing kinda days.

Here’s to a great week for you all.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️