We finally got home around 1.20am yesterday and straight to bed. It’s 13.55 and I’ve done nothing except sleep and edit some photos to send to Elly.

What an amazing wedding!!! Elly had planned it to a T and the entertainment at dinner was just outstanding. 😋

There was a guy playing the piano all through the day and by the main course, we were all singing along to his well known tunes. It was lovely to hear one table start to sing and others quietly join in… as the meal went on, the singing got louder and it was just a lovely atmosphere.

Then all of a sudden a “waiter” drops a tray of cutlery… (just as dessert is being served!) pics up a mic and starts singing opera, as he walked around the room. The atmosphere was electric. Then a second “waiter” joins in with some more recent hits and they ended with Nessun Dorma and my skin is in goosebumps even now, writing about it.

It was just spectacular!!! Unlike anything I’ve ever seen before and it was truly one of the best weddings I’ve ever been too.

The food was exceptional too. I had Goats Cheese Tart to start, with a chicken and haggis in a cream sauce for mains and Sticky Toffee pudding with white chocolate profiteroles for dessert. It was expertly served and piping hot.

There was the best sweetie table at night which was literally the gift that kept on giving!

If you read yesterday’s blog you would have realised what an amazing day it was! But…. Never start a sentence with but…. in true Julie fashion there was an undercurrent of unrest. 😬

I didn’t feel anywhere near as comfortable as I may have looked.

First things first.

I wasn’t 100% in my £26 outfit from top to toe. I’d been so proud of that in the run up. Less so, on the day. Everyone looked so stunning, they’d either had makeup or hair done, I just felt a bit “hame-knitted” as my Grandad used to say… roughly translating as a bit thrown together. Now… I’m not saying this so you tell me how lovely I looked… it’s not about what anyone says, this is about how I feel and how I make sense of it. 😬

Secondly, it is my choice to be sober… if you want to call it that. I don’t like the person that I become when I drank alcohol. My relationship with Craig is way better with me off the booze. My life is calmer, more predictable, easier.

That does not mean that it’s easy.

It’s bloody hard at times and that was my first sober full day wedding. I’ve learned to get through social occasions with 0% alcohol free drinks because it makes me feel the same as everyone else, for some reason. Go figure.

As I write that I think for gods sake, stop being such a child…. but there’s a huge market of 0% drinks out there and I just thought there would be more choice. Was I jealous of everyone else drinking… maybe? Did I feel left out… well, yes… my choice but still tough.

I was offered Heineken 0% beer or Seedlip and I didn’t want either of them. I didn’t want to stand with a beer as I’ve never been fan of beer….. I did take a Seedlip but it’s not my favourite. 😬

I reckon that I’ve always felt a little awkward in big social situations. You wouldn’t think that if you’ve been with me (well except for yesterday maybe 😂😂😂) I think drink used to help me feel more confident. For some reason 0.% fizz, wine or gin gives me that same confidence. Ridiculous really.

I know I over chatted on this. I know I kept going on about it. When you struggle to make conversation, you go to the easiest thing. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I do anyway. I know it was not what anyone wanted to hear. I think it’s fair to say if you do still drink, you don’t really understand what the fuss is about 0%.

I went to reception to ask if they could get me anything else. Yup, I was that person… Offered to pay for full bottles and corkage if need be. The bar manager was lovely and got on the case.

I’ve written about this in the alcohol free FB group that I am joint admin for. A good few of the members agree that they’ve felt the same in similar situations. Getting on a “high horse” about the lack of options. We feel hard done to as a group. It’s still not socially acceptable to be a non drinker at a drinking function. The assumption by bar staff that Coke and Irn Bru are non alcoholic drinks.

I feel VERY uncomfortable writing about this but my head needs to let it out. I cannot tell you enough how wonderful the wedding was. ♥️ This is so just going on in my head and unfortunately, for the few who had to listen, spilling out my mouth.

By dinner I had settled into my Appletiser which they very kindly put on the table for me.

By the evening reception I had 0% Rosé and all was well with the world.

Learnings from this. Lower your expectations and assume it will be soda and lime, Appletiser or other fizzy drinks and anything more than that is a bonus.

Stop alienating folk who drink by going on about it.

Most of all be damn proud that despite it all, I didn’t just drink to fit in. I sober danced my heart out and night and for anyone who’s done it, you’ll know that you really have to think to sober dance! The vibe does not just flow naturally. I danced my socks off and had the best time doing it. I’m also so very grateful I have the best dancing husband. He never sits down when I want him to dance. He heard me yesterday. He gets it and he said it was ok. We have our ups and downs but his support yesterday means a lot.

Now as I sit here I wonder whether to put this out or not. Sometimes the worst vulnerabilities show others that life is not just all about the lovely smiling photos. Why do I feel so compelled to put myself out there like that?!?!

We’ve just had a lovely visit from our friend Lindsay and it’s half 3 already. I’m out the back in shorts and T-shirt and having a chill out. I’m just going to read this one more time and go for it. Warts and all…. Edit: there are no warts 🤦🏻‍♀️😂😘

Just a little messed up me at times.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️