I want to start with this as it’s a lovely meme. I see so many but this one really touched me today. A message for us all.
The second point is that Primark cosy leggings are now a different formulation or whatever the word is!! The did not fit quite the same this morning and they feel a wee bit shiny….. was not impressed but still wore them and they are now covered in dog hair!!
Didn’t sleep well last night but feel surprisingly spritely today. It’s got to come crashing down at some point! 🤦🏻♀️😆🤔🤣Think I’m running on adrenaline.
Keep forgetting to mention that Mr Sporty Spice had been waking me up EVERY morning with his gym obsession…. if only I could get the bug too. He woke at the back of 5 this morning and I hadn’t got to sleep until 1.45am so it was a short night.
So Tartan went well again and got loads done and I’m all set for another long weekend.
I did a very strange thing when I left work today. I was talking to Craig on the phone and I thought I’d head to Home Bargains. As I got close to the car park I changed my mind as I felt that it was a bit too busy. I drove down to the Irvine seafront towards Gro Coffee…. I sussed there was no queue outside. Good thing. Could park up and get a coffee?!? Hmmmm bit of a waste when I could drive home and have a coffee, I was here at the coast yesterday. only then remembered that there was no queue in Gro as everyone would be inside it now! Doh….
Set the sat nav for home to try and find the quickest route and it took me EXACTLY the same way I’d just driven?!? Back almost past work…. 25 mins for nothing 🤦🏻♀️😳😬🤔😆🤣
I think because my week finished at Thursday lunchtime, I feel I should make the most of my Thursday afternoons.
Can’t imagine why else I’d drive around for no reason. Other than I finally flipped.
So I’ve spent the afternoon catching up with people on the phone then Claire suggested a walk.
Our friends Dave and Angela who are Polaris Overland posted this today which I didn’t know….
What more do you need in a day?!? I’ve been humming the Pet Shop Boys….. “ we’re S H O P P I NG….. we’re shopping” all day. 🎶🎵🛍
I went to Primark and got two, yes two whole pairs of black cosy leggings. My life is complete. I also bought lots of other stuff which doesn’t fit. Sadly. Horrifyingly.
So let’s get back to the beginning…. a switched on Julie turned up today. Smiling, happy, bright, breezy, confident, cheeky. I mean seriously, how does that actually happen. My anxiety is silent.
Mum laughed and said I’d picked a better version of myself off the shelf this morning. Sometimes it really feels like that…. and I’m so glad I did. It’s such a relief after the last few days.
I’m still tired but the brain fog and panic surrounding it, has gone.
So after work today I decided to attempt the shops for the first time in just over 4 months. It was busy but it wasn’t unbearably busy.
I managed a selfie in the homeware section as it was the only area that was quiet!
So yeah, nothing much I picked up fits me. I really need to motivate myself to get fit again and shed some pounds. I’m a completely stuffing my face these days and it’s just comfort eating. I don’t need half of it.
One day my healthy mojo might come back…. having stir fry for dinner tonight…. that’s a a start?!?
I got my monobrow threaded and had forgotten just how painful it was. The girl told me I was very brave which made me laugh but I was secretly very proud.
I then decided I’d take a wee drive past the beach as I was only a few minutes away. The tide was in which I’ve not seen in Irvine before!
Back home and had a quick cuppa in the garden with Claire. She’s been to the hairdresser and her hair is purple again!! Looks amazing and I forgot to get a selfie of us… dammit.
So off to make the stir fry now. Here’s hoping that’s all I manage to scoff for the night. Might clean my teeth after it as that always stops me eating!
Auch ye gotta love Scotland. The rain today felt like ice needles hitting my skin. Only 3 days ago I was sunning it up the the Costa de la Garden and today I’ve got the ski jacket on!?!
It didn’t seem that wet when I headed out with the dogs. With the rain and wind behind me I was loving life. Appreciating all the greenery coming through, the smell of rain in the air. I met one man (who I have seen before but can’t remember for the life of me…. ) and shouted over the rain and wind…”lovely to walk in the rain for a change”…. his reply “eh… naw…” he looked at me like I had two heads!! His response was totally understandable when I turned to go back and was walking into the wind…. Hood wouldn’t stay up, jeans got soaked through and I couldn’t see a thing out my steamed up, rain soaked varifocals…. the only negative to these glasses is rain!
So I did have work this morning. Didn’t sleep well last night…. I’m fairly certain I got a kick or a nudge at some point and I found myself wide awake. I can only assume he will tell me that this was because I was snoring but I find that very hard to believe…. moi?!?!
It was still dark out and no traffic passing so it was the middle of the night. Wide awake thinking of campervan customers…. randomly.
So off into work and felt rising waves of anxiety throughout the morning. I kept telling myself I couldn’t remember things, my head was empty, how useless am I?!?!?
My perception of myself is still pretty dreadful. I made a point of deliberately thinking the opposite. “You have got this under control, your fully capable of handling all this, just be calm and breathe”
I love this above. I think I’m starting to cut myself some slack but I need to learn to bring myself back down from the anxiety. All to often I need other people to tell me my worth before I can breathe freely. we need to believe in ourselves.
I need to have that faith in myself. We all do. I still get frustrated with myself in a bad day but only looking back can see how much worse I made it for myself.
So I had some dog behavioural calls to make when I got home and then out with the puppers.
The house stinks of wet dog. Not missed they in the first 25 dry days of April.
But on a positive note the house is also full of sleeping dogs. Whoever coined the phrase “let sleeping dogs lie” was onto something!! I’m gonna join them.
Feet up and wee nana nap before Craig gets home!
Now don’t forget to bring me home that KFC Craigie… or else 😬😆
Today is the first day I’ve taken some low mood feelings to work. I really tried not to but the lethargy of these last few days is still hanging around. I didn’t sleep that well and woke up with a thumping headache. I did my my deep breathing and read motivational stuff AND did some boxercise exercises ALL before I left for work.
The drive to work felt a bit woolly. I had to shake my head to concentrate. By the time I got there my head was just empty. I couldn’t remember anything that I had done the week before. Questions asked of me were met with a blank look. Frantically searching the tiny memory bank that’s left….. nope… nothing. Empty!
Even looking stuff up and then not remembering the question. Woah.
So instead of winging about this I’m going to focus on the positives.
Here’s a sunset pic from last night. I actually watched one of my videos of the sea from yesterday to help clear my head.
I love how this beam of light shoots up from the sun as it sets.
Despite my lethargy I took Calaidh and Bhruic out for a walk and actually felt myself striding out and it actually rained!!!!
You know that’s got me thinking we haven’t had April Showers this year at all. Strange as it usually rains lots on and off in April.
So I’m home with my feet up and just read and article my friend Tracey sent me…. very interesting. It describes the time between depression and full flourishing, as languishing. The New York Times reported that it’s when you feel joyless and aimless.
Now that hits the nail on the head!! 🔨💅🏼 nope not that kind of nail…. hammer on the link below, it’s a short read but feels so true to me.
My head is not good this morning. I can string a sentence together. We’ve had a laugh as I’ve started to say something that’s completely rubbish and Craig tries to dig for what I’m actually talking about.
I have rested up all weekend. I expected to wake up today full of energy and I am back in bed at 10.37am to try to make some sense of it and get more sleep. Otherwise I’d will be a rotten day for the dogs and Craig as I’ll take my grouchiness on them.
Grouchiness is an actual word. I love when I type something that I want to say and WordPress agrees it’s a word. Simple pleasures.
I’m going to utter the key words now that will make you all roll your eyes and realise what I have fallen victim to…… Facebook is full of everyone getting back out there enjoying themselves. Climbing mountains with all their friends in multicoloured workout gear looking ultra thin and sexy. Folk are away in their camper and with amazing sunsets and sunrises. Folk are on the islands with freedom to roam and the tranquility of no tourists (my idea of heaven). Folk are having friends round in the sunshine and living their best FB life.
I on the other hand am tired. Again.
And here come the tears.
I know it’s ok to be tired. I know it’s ok to need to rest. I’m living my best life just now and it doesn’t have to be climbing mountains or swimming oceans or travelling the world.
I just need my head to actually realise that and process it.
I also feel the pressure of the 9-5 again. That Sunday feeling when you are “working tomorrow” so you need to make the most of days off….. now that’s the biggest joke. I work 8-1 so plenty of time for other stuff.
Is anyone else nervous of the world getting back to normal? I want to go to Primark but that’s about it. I really need new cosy leggings that only they do best.
I like my life at home. I like this wee bubble we’ve created for ourselves.
I can’t change any of this I can only change the way I react to it.
I finally got out of bed at 1pm. That’s unheard of for me especially when he’s SCORCHIO outside. I’ve also realised that I don’t have to be in the sun 24/7…. yeah I know how ridiculous that statement is. 🤦🏻♀️😬🤣
It’s 3.41pm and I’ve just read all of that back and thought jeezo girl stop moaning. I obviously feel a bit better.
I did some axe work. Not much but it felt good hacking the branches that Craig had cut down.
I got bored 😐
I did some wedding. I got bored 😐
I got bored 😐
I swept the grass. I really did.
I now have some alcohol free Tanquery gin with lemonade and I’m enjoying the sun.
Since I wrote this we had a flurry of visitors to the garden enjoying the sun.
Craigs watching Rangers play St Johnstone in the Scottish Cup so I brought myself back to where the weekend began.
I’ve been watching for ages and thought it was amazing how the sun setting was highlighting a wee house on the end of an island. It was the perfect silhouette.
The wee house seemed to move every time I looked up…. it’s a submarine!!!
It’s so lovely down here. Just the sound of the sea, the smell of the sea and the warmth of the sun. This is what life’s all about.
I also think the tide is coming in…. I might just stop rambling and scoot back up the rocks!
This is it…. it’s here…. we are getting 15C today it’s positively tropical 🌴🍍🐠🏝🏖🍹🌺
It’s a beautiful day and the flip flops are out. The stomach muscles aren’t up to much as it wasn’t easy to hold my feet up for this photo🤦🏻♀️😬🤣
We’ve been to B&Q today to get more wood for the bedroom shutters. It’s too nice a day to be stuck indoors working on them though.
We came home via the car wash, then Calaidh and I went for a walk with Claire and her neice pup Connie.
I’m going to spend the rest of my day with my feet up and crocheting I think? We don’t get enough decent weather to stay in the house on a day like this.
Our wee garden incinerator thingy is on its last legs…. thought we’d give it a good burn to see if it breaks it down altogether.
I’ve been a bit better today in that I know I’m very tired and need to rest so I’m accepting that I’m going to do nothing. I don’t really have the energy for anything much. Those days are the best when I can quieten the thoughts and just be.
I’ve had factor 15 on all day today but I think I’m going to have to up that to a higher factor. She who turns brown when she looks at the sun is pretty red today. Wonder why I talk about myself in the third person?!?
I am a bit hot and bothered. I’m not fully relaxed. Time has dragged a bit. I did almost have a nap but think I was only asleep a few minutes.
Wee having early dinner tonight so I might take a wee nap after that. Cheer my greeting face up.
All things social media point to much busy-ness up north in beauty spots. Erratic parking, people having to change their plans as car parks were full. The Scottish staycation seems to be back in full fling. Just hope they all remember to take their rubbish home with them. That might be tomorrow’s news?!?
There is not a single wave here today (typing this on the West Coast of Scotland!) except the waves in my head and boy am I good at making them. 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊
As usual on a day off I seem put myself under huge pressure to try to make the best of the day. First of all I want to get lots of things done but the sun is shining so I also want to get loads of photos for the blog.
This results in a grumpy and stressed out Rambling Sloth which poor Craigie found to his detriment when he asked me a question…. about milk in my coffee 😬😘😘
He escaped to work and I took the pups down to Kilbirnie Loch for a big run around with a new tennis ball!
Back up the road and saw a sign that life is getting back to normal…. the Tennents lorry is delivering to the village pub.
I wanted to do something different today and had big plans to go somewhere….. just not sure where……. so I’ve spent the rest of the day down at Portencross. I took the van obviously…. and the kettle and it’s been beautiful.
Should say here that a varifocal lens doesn’t make for the best rock scrambling companion. Ended up having to take them off to get a secure footing. 🤦🏻♀️🙄😂
I did try to book the ferry to Arran today but it was full. Have to be content with watching it from the beach instead!
Now I need there to be a career in sea and island photography. I love love love love love taking these photos and could have been there all day. It’s so peaceful. I actually love the solitude too.
Now this is where the silence ended but I had a very interesting day people watching and chatting to random people.
There was a guy working on one of the benches, playing music. I was a bit annoyed at first that he was ruining the peace but it was actually lovely Gaelic music. It was actually quite a good mood setting for the environment.
It turns out the singer was Julie Fowlis who sang on the soundtrack to the film Brave.
I’ve put in a link to one of the songs he was playing this afternoon.
He was speaking to everyone that walked past. He had a bowl for water for dogs…. but no dog. He had wee dog biscuits. He said to me that he hoped the music wasn’t too loud and I should let him know if it bothered me.
He got chatting to one couple for ages and when he turned back to his car to get something they said, bloody typical, always happens to us……I’d been thinking the same thing as I sat crocheting.
I couldn’t help but hear everything that he said to everyone…. he was super chatty, super positive but didn’t really know when to step away…. eventually a couple of ladies with a puppy dragged me into their chat as they asked about my crochet. They were trying to get away but they also kept instigating chat with him too. One of them had just retired and one was profoundly deaf. The deaf lady had a 13 week old Shitzu pup….. cue chat about puppy stuff.
For the rest of the afternoon I watched him from behind my crochet…… he ran over to some folk with an Australian Shepherd because it looks like the dog that he walks for his friend. He wanted to show them a photo. I watched them be uncomfortable at first and then he dropped to the ground and got a very reactive rescue dog to give a paw, a cuddle and the owners thanked him so profusely for allowing them to socialise their new dog. (The dog behaviourist-wife in me was a wee bit horrified but it all came good).
He talked to a man in a wheelchair about his disability. He told him about his own metal leg after an accident climbing. He offered the dog water in his dog bowl.
He talked to a couple about their wee Westie/Jack Russell cross. They ended up talking about cancer and how many close family they’d lost this last year as a result. Sad to hear.
He played his guitar from the back of his car. He asked everyone if it was ok first.
The whole afternoon has been strangely fascinating. This guy who could be perceived as a pain by some is just so interested in other people. He said that everyone has their own life and struggles and he just wants to listen. (He did an awful lot of talking too!) if he can learn from other people then he thinks that’s a blessing.
He got most of that car park of folk talking today and despite initial discomfort at his forwardness….. they all seemed to leave a bit brighter after his chat.
My suggestion to him this afternoon was that he try some meditation to bring him some peace after he said his head was buzzing with so many things. I kinda meant he should try it now. There and then. It would help….. 🤔🤦🏻♀️🙄🤣 me…. it would help me.
Anyway I’m rambling now 🙄😬😂 which I guess is how I roll. I just do it all in my head. Silently.
Then this appears in the sky. I took this photo!
Wow. I saw an actual sun halo.
A lovely day but I may need complete silence for the rest of the weekend. 😬
The last few days have been a bit crazy with all this decision making and work and meeting family for the first time in what feels like forever… so I’ve had a lot of day to day stuff to write about.
However, I’ve been wanting to share a podcast I listened to by Fearne Cotton with Dr Rangan Chatterjee. They discuss how we make these big life changing decisions and then fail by setting our goals too big or unachievable.
They say it’s the wrong time to make decisions of this nature when you are in a motivated state as we cannot continue in an unmotivated state.
He suggests we try to change with only 5 minutes in a day. That’s achievable for us all.
Two minutes of meditation or deep breathing, followed by a minute of movement followed but two minutes of reading something motivational.
I’ve been lying in bed doing my deep breathing. In for 3, hold for 4 and breathe out for 5. I then look at my Rambling Sloth News feed on FB as that’s always motivational. Then when I’m boiling the kettle to make my coffee I literally dance about the kitchen like a mad thing! Now it’s only been two days….. but two days of consistency in my life is pretty good going. Click the link below for the podcast.
I found the whole chat really interesting. He’s a doctor that believes in resolving the issues that a person presents him. Not to just describe pills. He said that years ago you’d go to the doctor and get a pill to fix something. Modern medicine now needs to be more all encompassing than that. Kinda wish he was my doctor…. 🤔😬
Dr Chatterjee also says about unfollowing anything that puts pressure on us on social media. That’s just as toxic as setting goals and not achieving them. Have done already and will do more now.
So I had another busy morning at Tartan. The time flies when I’m there.
I had 2 dog behavioural calls to make so got them booked in. I’m going to keep doing calls 3 days a week until Friday 21st May to help out.
Sitting outside with a wee alcohol free Pilsner. It’s actually really nice. The sun is out. The shorts are on. 🩳
Had a rotten sleep last night and woke with a thumping headache at some point when it was still dark. Got up and took tablets and felt much better after they kicked in.
When the alarm went off at 6.30am I felt rotten…… yet after a few minutes of being up and about I was ready for action. Remembered that Shelagh said that some of the kinesiology we did yesterday might make me feel a bit yucky. Clearing some cell blockages. Good to know it’s working.
All good at Tartan again today although I sustained my second workplace injury. Scraped my arm on a metal pole and drew blood 🤦🏻♀️😆 Forgot that my first injury was yesterday when I walloped my head off a protruding bit of wood! Now that was a proper head in hands moment though not even to a mark to show for it…..
It’s been a beautiful day today though still fairly cool and breezy. Pure blue sky most of the day.
I met Auntie Jac for the first time today since before Christmas. We met at Gro Coffee in Irvine and got a takeaway to eat outside. The queue was very slow moving and we reckon we queued for about an hour…. in the shade!!! It didn’t seem that slow at the time but they are serving out of the same window as taking orders so another open window would have done the trick! So easy for us to redesign their temporary COVID takeaway situation!!
We drove down to the Irvine Beach car park before tucking into our Lotus Brownie!!
The shimmer on the water was beautiful. I think it’s the first time I’ve seen that at Irvine beach as it’s been cloudy every other time we’ve been down this year. It looked positively tropical. 🌴🏝
It was not so tropical. It was pretty cold!!
Back up the road as Auntie Jac started the trek home and I went a walk with Claire down into Beith.
So I’m now sitting in the garden in my jammies enjoying the rays of the much warmer sun than we had at the beach earlier. I love being outdoors.
Think we have more of this weather to come which is lovely and hoping for just a few degrees more. Only one more day of work for me and then it’s my weekend again! Yay!
So I’ve been beavering away in the background working out some issues with my new work life balance. The new balance was becoming more work than life unfortunately.
I’ve made the very difficult decision to take a step back from Pawsitive Solutions where I was making dog behavioural enquiry calls and training to work with puppies.
This was not a decision I reached lightly. Not at all. Craig and Lorna have been an amazing support through my healing journey and helped me get back into work. I will always be grateful for the opportunity they gave me.
It’s been a very difficult weekend for me as I wrestled with my decision. My post bus building life was always going to be a lot less stressfuland I thought I knew the direction in which I was heading…..
Then along comes Tartan Campers. A few conversations with the guys that did Abbie’s camper van conversion…… way back last year…. and I land a job out of it. No interview, no real idea of my work experience. Boom. Job.
I thought I could handle both but luckily a very wise woman pushed me as she knew that I couldn’t.
I have realised that my mind prefers the getting up to a morning alarm, job and done. I don’t do my best work in the afternoons and evenings. I like to get it out the way so that I can give myself time to rest as a reward. I get stressed when I have to wait for work.
Those of you who know me or have followed the blog for a while, will know I’m a people pleaser. I do what makes other people happy as that by default made me happy.
Not any more. I have learned the gift of speaking my truth. “If I speak my truth I will be calm”. My new rule to live by. Way better than “I am worthless” which it used to be.
So a huge decision, a difficult decision, made as calmly as I could with only mini-wobbles, fully supported by Craig.
He even said if Tartan doesn’t work out we will still be ok. Now that is something that means the world to me…….
I was lucky enough to have a very high salaried job in the past but it broke me. It was hard for us both to understand how we might live without that money.
But we have…. and we do…. and will continue to and we are so much happier.
Despite all this going on in the background I’ve had a busy wee day today. I had some dog behaviour to cover when I got back from Tartan and I went into the beer garden next door to try to help understand the new COVID rules for when the pub opens. Back in for Kinesiology at 3pm.
This week was all about my relationship with the dogs. I feel very out of control when I’m with them. I’m always worried something might happen on a walk and I get very stressed out by the whole event. We worked through all of this and cleared these fears and beliefs.
To test myself I decided to go a walk and instead of going by myself I took all 3 dogs (and Claire, who helped with one!). It wasn’t all plain sailing but I felt no stress and handled the doggy situations that presented themselves…. ♥️
I look forward to seeing how that works out for me.
I feel I have turned a corner this week. I’ve made some big decisions, I haven’t fallen apart, I’ve just worked through them methodically. I think I’ve handled it pretty well. I’m going to tidy the kitchen and sit with my feet up until Craig comes home and I’ll get the boy his dinner. Check me.