Day 600 half Hyrox event 🏃🏽‍♀️🏋🏻‍♀️🏃🏽‍♀️ & 600 days of my blog… wow who’d a thunk it?!?

So let’s deal with the numbers first…. 600 days of writing a daily blog. Seriously, can you actually believe it?!?

600 days ago I decided to keep a blog about life in lock down. I had been off sick from work since September 2018 with anxiety depression.

My position was made redundant in on 28th February 2020. That was about 20 days before we went into COVID-19 lockdown.

None of us knew what was coming.

I went into lockdown without a job.

That was equally terrifying.

To be fair I was nowhere near ready to look for a new one. I still had a long way to go before I had the confidence to work for anyone.

I quickly found how much I enjoyed writing it. I needed to write it. While I tried to keep it as a diary of lockdown, I found that it really helped me to make sense of all the jumbled up feelings in my head.

I am an overthinker.

I worry about the day I never saw…. As my Gran would say…. 💜

I have all the tools to control it. Yet sometimes it’s so overwhelming that I forget all of those tools. Yet I sit down anywhere from early afternoon to early evening every day and write down how I’ve felt during my day and it really helps me.

I spend the day collecting blog content in my head, it gives me some focus.

It’s been the best thing I’ve ever done…. I’ve done it for me and it helps me so much.

On top of that I gave up drinking alcohol in January 2019 and I have 1,052 days alcohol free under my belt. I am a much better person without it. It’s been a very difficult journey and a lonely one at times but it’s right for me.

I also hit 98 days without anti-depressants and that, for me, is huge!!! I am managing my life without the meds and I am so, so very proud of it.

So that said, I was anything less than mediocre today. We undertook our first Hyrox challenge at the Fit Body Farm today. Check us.

Now this was a Hyrox Half so we did half of everything on that list, that’s still 4K of running along with all the other exercise in between.

I was overwhelmed by it all even when we arrived. I’ve never taken part in a sports event before. I’m like a kid at the FBF who expects to be pointed in the right direction all the time and we had to take responsibility for all of this ourselves. Big girl pants.

I found it really hard. Craig and I worked together and he finished the first four stages before me. I felt like I was holding him back. I felt like everyone who started after us was catching us up… my inner voice was so negative. The next four stages came way more easily to me. To be fair, I had half the weight Craig had.

I finished the last one before him and they all shouted me to run to the finish line. He waited for me most of the morning so I was never going to do that. We crossed the finish together…. huge high five and big hug.

I tried to swallow it down but burst into tears for a quick moment. The relief it was over, the adrenaline crashing now it was over.

We were done by 11am. I’ve been worried about it for way longer than it took to do it.

I was beetroot for ages afterwards.

We had hot showers when we got home and I didn’t want to get out of…. Ever.

Then we went down to Mocha Jak’s for lunch.

We had a lovely lunch. It was so nice to relax and be really proud of what we’d done.

Celebratory oat milk decaf latte !!

I feel like I’ve been rabbiting on for hours here and still so much to say…. Will speed it up.

When we came home I went into Claire’s for a lovely cuppa. Got some great pics of her handsome boy!

Then home for dog walk. I love a sunset dog walk.

I’ve been sitting for the last hour and half writing this and I might never move again. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😬🤣

I want to thank everyone who reads this whether it’s daily or from time to time. People who don’t even know me. I appreciate you all and hope that my ramblings help some of you.

Life is not easy. It’s how we face it that matters.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 599 am I milking this birthday thing now?!?! 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

Yup I think I am…. But I still let Craig make breakfast this morning without feeling too guilty. It was very lovely!

We were awake super early as seems to be the way these days. Got up at 7am and had coffee.

We started talking about Christmas presents this morning. Christmas usually hits in our house once my birthday is out the way.

Now I have always prided myself in being good at buying gifts for people. I love picking things out that I think they would like, love buying wee bits and pieces so that they have lots of lovely gifts to open and love watching them open them.

Now for some reason in these last few years I have lost all confidence in being able to choose gifts for people.

It started with my friend Lea’s birthday. I’ve know her for 20 years. She was our Maid of Honour. I’ve bought her gifts for 20 years and always known what to get her. She turned 40 just before we went into Lockdown 1.0 and I had no idea what to get her. I couldn’t buy her anything. The more I put it off the worse it got and it turned into a huge big thing for me. It’s almost like I used it as something to beat myself with.

So we finally bought her a ring that she wanted but I can’t shake off the feeling that I don’t know what to get anyone anymore.

To be fair I spent the best part of a year and a half at home “off sick” and pretty much hiding from the world. Maybe that’s enough to have made me lose track of people’s likes and dislikes but I need to get over it. And sharpish!!

So we headed out to the shops this morning and picked up some bits and pieces and I started to feel a wee bit excited about Christmas which is UNHEARD OF for me recently.

I’ve really struggled with it for years and I’m not sure I can put a finger on why….. that’s something to mull over the next few weeks.

So we then headed to Decathlon and I got a running jacket and long sleeved top with money from my parents and in-laws.

I love the way Bhruic is looking at me 🤣🤣

We were home by 12.30pm and I had to head straight back out to get my nails done. I now have red sparkly toes which no one will ever see 🤣🤣.

Then down to Tartan HQ to pick up Abbie the Campervan with her new solar panel which the boys fitted overnight.

I now have a 200 watt solar panel to help charge up my leisure battery. This means we can be off grid and still have the fridge and the diesel heater working.

I took the dogs out as soon as we got home.

The sky’s been funny all day today. A low level cloud that looks almost yellow, like dirty water. So strange. I tried to take a photo.

Love this tree in the Geilsland Estate.

And this next one.

The sky was stunning but I missed the best of it.

So back home and in jammies as I do. I’m writing this with Freya curled up on my lap and Bhruic by my side.

It’s been a great, chilled out few days.

The calm before the storm.

We have our first timed exercise challenge tomorrow morning at the Fit Body Farm. We’re both doing a half Hyrox.

It’s going to be hugely out of my comfort zone and way more exercise than we’ve done recently. The time isn’t the be all and end all. We’re doing it for the challenge.

Least I have a new jacket to wear 🥳

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 598 birthday celebrations and lunch! ♥️

I am so overwhelmed with the amazing birthday wishes that I received. I feel very blessed to have such a wonderful support.

I got loads of lovely cards and gifts yesterday too.

Sloth in a box from Craig ♥️🦥

I went to the village pub for my Crochet Hookers group and Evelyn brought carrot cake! I had a small piece and it was sooooo good along with alcohol free Gordon’s gin and tonic.

Craig came home just after 8 and we had crispy duck pancakes from the Chinese. Not had that in so long and really enjoyed it though didn’t eat half what I would usually eat!

How cool is this sloth card from my friend Lea?
Auntie Jac got me a matchbox sloth!

Craig did a healthy twist on birthday cake!

These are really lovely. They are obviously made without sugar but I’m finding my tastes have changed and anything too sugary seems like too much now and makes my teeth feel like they are bleeding sugar! who even am I now?!?! Only downside is that they all have a best before of 22nd November which is Monday…… whole lotta cake to be eaten by then. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😳🤣

I got a solar panel for Abbie the camper van which means we can be more off grid and don’t need to be on sites with electric hookup. we dropped her off at work for it to be fitted. He’d organised all of that. Not gonna lie I had all kinds of fear that we are far too busy to be bothering with my solar panel but it was all arranged.

We headed straight for lunch.

This is based at Fencefoot Farm in Fairlie on the west coast just south of Largs.

It’s a lovely wee place. They don’t serve alcohol so just water for us, which suits me. You can go to the Farm Shop and buy wine or beer and bring it in to the restaurant.

Starters were Cullen Skink and Scallops.

The scallops were on a puréed cauliflower with a curry sauce. It was exquisite!

Mains were poached Halibut with creamy samphire and mussel sauce over a bed of mash and pan seared fillet of cod with tumeric rice pilaff and a curried coconut sauce.

Halibut
Cod

It was so lovely. Followed with a decaf latte.

I didn’t want the lunch to end. Yet I couldn’t eat anymore even if I tried.

We drove home over the Fairlie Moor road and stopped foe a few photos. It’s been dreadful weather all day but the sun shone through the clouds for a few minutes.

View down the Fairlie Moor Road
Sun reflections on the Glenburn Fishery
Posing!
Sun shining through the clouds over Arran… not that you can see Arran… 🤣🤣
Just love this view
When the wind blows the hair in your face 🤣🤣🤣
Cattle grid
Love this arch of trees
Caaf Reservoir
Heading into Dalry

So we had the loveliest meal and I’ve been sitting in jammies ever since. Be rude not to.

So thanks again to everyone for making my birthday that but more special.

My flowers are blooming lovely!!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 597 my 49th birthday….how did I ever get this old?! 😱😳😬🤯🥳🎉

Jeez….. 49. That was fast.

I shouldn’t be scared of my age. I am so very grateful to have reached an age that so many have not. But I am a wee bit scared.

This last wee while I am so very aware that life is short and it’s meant to be lived every moment. Not slept through. …

Travelling is my passion. We talk about it a lot and we know there is a lot more to come.

We need to spend the rest of our lives appreciating every day and making it worthwhile.

So we’ve been awake since about 3am…. Yup. We were wide awake in time for the Fit Body Farm at 6am. I worked hard and upped my weights a bit again.

Off to work straight after for one last day before a few days off.

I got a call at the back of 9. Boss man calling me to Upholstery as “the place is a disaster” and “it’s the last thing he needed to walk into”….. 😳🤯🙊

Yay!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! 🥳🎂🎉🎊🥳

Thank god. Honestly I had the fear…. It’s still too soon 🤣🤣🤣

Wait till you see what they got me…

Check the 2nd row up…. That’s a special team of folk eh? They know I’m on my FBF challenge so got me pineapple in case I didn’t want a doughnut 🍩…. I had the one above the pineapple! 🤫🥳

The card is handmade too!! So special. Was really chuffed after I got over the relief at the shock. 😬🤣

I feel very blessed to have had so many messages today from so many lovely people.

I haven’t opened any cards or gifts yet as we’ve both been working today. Craig will be home at 8 and we have a half crispy duck coming!

I’m totally milking the gifts and cards and will hold off as long as I can to make it last 🤣🤣

I turn 49 at 9.36pm.

I’m 1,049 days alcohol free.

I’m 95 days anti-depressant free.

I’m one very lucky girl.

🤣🤣🤣

And now I’m off to hang out with my Crochet Hookers for a bit!

Stay safe everyone 🥳🥳🥳

Day 596 anxiety strikes again until calm finally settles 😵‍💫

Oh wow…. Well I can write today down as another learning curve in the life of learning curves.

I am so done with the curving. Guess I need to realise that it’s another life lesson.

So a very simple trigger. Last night I realised I hadn’t ordered a part that we’d been waiting on at work. I even stayed on last night to phone the supplier to chase it….. only to find out I hadn’t ordered it. 😳🤯

Now this is not the end of the world. It’s not great either but I told everyone last night and I didn’t get told to “pick a window” or “pick a door” as my “jaeckets on a shoogly peg” as may have been heard in the past.

I didn’t even write about it last night as I just chose to let it go. Or so I thought.

I wake up with a thumping head at 5am. I try to get back to sleep but I can’t. I use all the techniques. Focus on breathing… lasts all of 2 breaths… focus on my toes and try to do a body scan. Nope, can’t get up past my ankles before my mind is whirring again.

A whole lot of fear and feelings of being out of control.

So this morning I come into work and I am all over the place. I try really hard not to be. Try to pull myself together. Try to talk myself down out of the spiral 🌀.

It’s not working. There are tears. There is breathlessness. And most of all there is disappointment.

I am so proud of these last few weeks. So proud of the way I’ve handled the Fit Body Farm challenge on top of everything else. So proud of my calm approach to life.

The disappointment is that anxiety can still wallop me in the face when I least expect it and for no real apparent reason.

I felt like I had just drink 5 strong coffees in a row. Of course I hadn’t. Anxiety bubbles like caffeine.

It made me jittery, forgetful, made me say all the wrong words, call people by a completely different name. I just felt completely out of control.

Then I ramble… more than ever. Trying to do all my jobs at once. No coordination. Flitting from one thing to the next without a breath.

I suddenly feel calm early afternoon. I felt shattered and could have slept at my desk. The calm after that anxiety is an amazing feeling, such a relief.

I still struggle with this being ok. I know I need to accept it for what it is as I know it will be yesterday’s news in no time at all. I feel weak at the time. I still need validation from others that it’s ok. I can’t accept it myself yet. In turn I feel pathetic for seeking validation.

Just calm down….

Relax….

If only.

So in other lovely news I came home to early birthday flowers from Mum and Dad.

Aren’t they lovely!

They made my day.

So I’ve had dinner (spaghetti bolognese) which I prepared yesterday. Check me. Makes life so much easier when you have food to come home to.

We’re watching Griff’s Great Australian Rail Trip on Netflix. He’s just travelled from Perth to Kalgoorlie. It’s a huge trip down memory lane as I traveled there in 2005 all by myself.

That’s another story and one I must tell one day as it was a very early indication that I liked writing when I sent emails home about my adventures. I’ve only just realised that.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 595 sore achey muscles today and a busy day at work!

I can hardly walk. 🤣🤣

Honestly my muscle ache my from the Fit Body Farm on Saturday have me walking like a cowboy when I can actually get moving. I’m having to hold onto something to try and get up and down from the loo 🚽 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

It’s sore but a great feeling as I know I’ve worked really hard.

Wide awake at 4am 😵‍💫 and back to the Farm again this morning by 5.38am for a weigh in….. yes we are slightly insane.

So I’ve lost 1.9% body fat so far which is great but I was a bit under-awed by that after all the effort I’ve put in… but hey… it’s a loss and I’ve measured 41cms lost which I guess is pretty huge and I’m really pleased with that.

So this morning there was a lot of running. My legs felt like logs but eventually kinda loosened off.

We ran for a minute then stopped for some exercises every minute for 10 minutes. Twice. Lots of running. It did make me smile watching people at random places in the dark stop and start some exercises. Like a strange game of musical statues but with moving statues!

The fields when I left the Farm for work. Very low misty cloud

So I’m tired tonight. It’s been a really busy day in Tartan HQ.

I had a list of things to do and hardly got to any of it. I certainly added to it!

This really makes me giggle as I felt a bit like this today for some reason.

Didn’t get my lunch until 2pm and almost had the shakes by the time I ate. It was just the way things worked out and doesn’t happen often.

I was a bit later leaving tonight too and it was already dark! That’s the start of it… will be like that now until the end of February. The nights are fair drawing in!

And finally a wee interesting thing I found today. 25 years ago Scotland’s Stone of Destiny was returned to Scotland having been moved from Scone Abbey to Westminster in London in 1296.

I remember the day it came home to Scotland and to Edinburgh Castle.

Cannot believe it was 25 years ago. 😳

Tomorrow is my last day being 48. 🙊🤯

Where does the time go?!? 😱

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 594 if alcohol-free-Carlsberg did Sunday’s (sure I called a blog this once before) 🙊😬🤷🏻‍♀️🙄🤣

First of all… check the sky before we went to bed last night. Spooky!

The house lights and garden light really lit everything up.

Oooooh I’ve just had the best day. I have ticked so many things off my list and it feels good.

To be fair I got up about 6am to achieve it so you’d bloody hope I had something to show for it. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😬🤣

I woke at 5.15am… becoming a habit…. The sky was pink when it got light.

We had a very early morning coffee (still decaf!) and I got into the housework.

Living room, Kitchen, Sunroom, Bathroom and STAIRS…. All done by 9am. So there are still things on my list but that’s a huge weight off my mind. I hate seeing mess everywhere. It overwhelms my mind. Makes me question my worth almost. How ridiculous is that?!?

We live with 3 dogs. Our house is never going to be a palace. Some days I use that as excuse. Some days I’m disgusted at the mess they cause. Some days I just tidy it all up and I feel awfy damn proud of myself.

I met Claire at 10am for a big walk with the dogs. It’s been a long time since we did that. I feel I’ve not walked the dogs enough this last week though Craig has but it felt good to give them a long walk and get a good blether along the way.

We walked to Barmill and to Nosh where Claire bought us rolls and square sausage and coffee…. They had decaf! Love this pics as Claire just walked out the door!!

We headed into the Barmill Community Park to have our breakfast.

And then we walked back.

This tree was so autumnal looking. The trees around here are all very black bark so the leaves really show up.

So regular readers will know exactly what came next…. Well after hanging up washing blah blah blah… I went to bed, put the electric blanket on and had THE best nap. 2.45pm I woke up. Soooo good.

Love this!

So another hour has passed writing this and it’s still only 4pm…. It’s been a great day.

This next one feels a bit negative for me to post but it’s actually pretty true. If you stay away from other peoples’ drama or expectations of you then life is so much more calm.

So I’m here now. Feet up in front of the fire.

I might get my crochet out… should do that actually… but most of all I’m relaxing. Should say here too that any form of movement is actually agony after yesterday’s Farm…. He upped the weights on our Sled Push 🛷 and I think everyone who did the workout says they can feel it! I have muscles on my muscles in my butt cheek and all the way down the backs of my legs. It’s pain free to sit still so I’m just gonna do that. 😬🤣

A funny to end with…..

Always, always, always B.

Have a great week everyone. Know your worth. Be kind to everyone you meet as you have no idea what their struggles may be. They may be trying to hold it all together and your kindness might just be the one thing that helps. We all have that power.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 593 “like I just stepped out of the salon” 💇🏻‍♀️

Hair appointment day for the first time in over a year! 💇🏻‍♀️

So let’s rewind… I finally feel a bit better so I decided to try the Fit Body Farm this morning. I was wide awake by 6.20am but to be fair I’d been in bed since the back of 9 last night.

FBF starts at 7.30am on a Saturday. Much more civilised.

The village at 7am.

What a beautiful morning. ☀️☀️☀️

I stopped in a lay-by on the way to the Farm

A stunning sunrise🌅

The farm is so autumnal, it’s just beautiful. After last night’s storm there are fresh fallen green leaves in amongst the red and brown ones.

I have no photos as I was busy concentrating on trying to breathe. … while obviously in awe of the sun rising in the sky through the trees.

It was a tough workout this morning…. But really good. I worked hard. I struggled for breathe at times but I did it and I didn’t shirk any of it.

I was buzzing when I left.

The sky when I left

I should say here that I do drive about looking all over the place for photo opportunities. I actually marvel at everything I see in nature just now. I know how crazy that sounds but I actually love it.

So straight home, 3 sips of coffee, quick shower and then across the road to my lovely neighbour for my hair appointment.

So this is it at the start.

Bushy much!

Elaine has a beautiful wee dog and it’s so lovely to play with her when you get your hair done!

Sweet!!!
Now this is no a braw pic but me with the toner on 🤣
She’s not impressed!
Super super cute pup 🐶
Love the natural looking highlights

I’m so pleased with it. I never really make any effort these days. My hair normally does what it does but it feels really good to have it all tidied up.

I didn’t want to be stuck in the house for the rest of the day with lovely hair so I suggested we went out for a bite of lunch.

By this time it’s after 1pm and I’ve not eaten anything all day… so we went to Mocha Jaks which is the new coffee shop at the end of the road.

I had a Oat Milk Decaf Latte and and Veggie haggis, cheese and Sriracha panini. It tasted so good and I appreciated every single bite. Even the salt and vinegar crisps at the side of the plate were exquisite 😬🤣

We did NOT order cakes which is a healthy eating win…. Their cakes are amazing and out of this world! Just not today.

So my bouncy curls got a wee lunch out and a trip to the supermarket to buy dinner.

I’ve loads of things running through my head… things that need doing….. so I wrote a big list. I’m already kind of freaking out that there’s only one day left in the weekend…. Yet I’m not gonna do any of it. Not right now.

It’s been a busy week, I’ve felt rotten all week and now that I’m finally breathing more clearly, I am going to rest.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 592 survived a 5 day week 🤣🤣 and with a cold! 🤧😷

Ok I know…. Pure hunners of people work 5 days a week and hey… I have done for the rest of my life… just not so much now.

So boom, 5 day week done, anxiety still in check AND most of it done with a rotten, stinking cold.

This has been me this week

I didn’t go to the Fit Body Farm this morning as I couldn’t breathe properly… and I felt totally wiped out. The coach says that if the cold is only in your nose rather then your chest then you can work out at a reduced level so I’m going to go tomorrow morning instead. I’m finally feeling a wee bit better. I have a working nostril at last!

So there’s not much else to report today. I’m sitting in jammies with my feet up in front of the fire. I’ve had dinner…. I’ve cooked every night this week even though I’ve felt rotten.

I’ve lost a few pounds this week on top of the inches. It feels good to be down a bit in weight.

Bhruic giving me cuddles 🥰
Freya muscling in too!

Another early night for me, life in the fast lane but hey, just the way I like it. ♥️

Have a good weekend!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 591 Remembrance Day 2021

Our world turned upside down in the first few months of 2020. That was nothing compared to what our previous generations went through. All we had to do was stay at home and stay safe.

When we stop to think of the great wars we can’t ever imagine just how terrifying it all must have been. How out of control everything became for them. My grandparents didn’t talk about it much or maybe I didn’t ask or listen.

We have friends in the forces and their stories are beyond anything I can ever imagine. We don’t stop to think about the sacrifice people make in their lives so others can have a better life.

The pups with their purple poppies in remembrance of all the animals involved in war 💜💜💜

So today we remember.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️