Day 774 another day in the life… and working tomorrow 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

I have no words of wisdom tonight. I’m tired. I woke really early and just lay and dozed until the alarm.

It was a busy day at work and I came straight home and got stuck into the housework. It had been neglected after our weekend away.

I did a quick run round and the house feels much better.

I just had Mini Cheddars and cheese for dinner… I know…. I’m still just self indulging. 🤣🤣 other call it being lazy!

I have to work tomorrow as we have a customer in and there as no one to cover. You know I hate a 5 day week but I need Friday and Monday next week for a weekend away. At least this gets my 2 day weekend out the way….. listen to me. I used to work 10-12 hour days and now I’m tired at the thought of a 5 day week. Funny how you change your mindset.

At least I have a 4 day weekend to look forward to next week!

So true!!!
I love this ♥️♥️♥️

That’s all from me! The washing’s ready to be hung up. Housework Thursday could become a thing. 😆

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 773 an anxious morning but a productive day and a lovely nap!!

I woke up at 23.37 last night and worried I’d be awake all night… not so… up at 6.30am with the alarm.

I’m punishing myself a bit by not going to the Farm. My knee has been sore and I feel a bit down so I can’t be bothered making the effort. i can’t be bothered shopping, eating and looking after myself.

I know exactly why all of this is happening and that it’s a vicious circle. I feel more lethargic as a result of my bad diet but my bad diet helps me feel better at the time and cheers me up…. I think feel more lethargic after the sugar rush crashes.

I need to allow myself to rest and it’s ok to stuff my face sometimes but I wish I had a bit more willpower.

Anyway.. I was all over the place this morning at work. Very anxious. Overreacting to everything.

I’m bothered by something at work. I feel I could have done something better and I experience intense guilt at anything like that. Irritated by what’s gone wrong and think of a million things that might have presents a different outcome. I should say this is far from the end of the world but I realised mid morning that it was eating away at me.

It created an irritability, a panic that was bubbling over into everything else. The work I was trying to do today got the brunt of it. I didn’t trust my instincts and mistrusted any answer I gave.

As soon as I realised what was causing it, I relaxed.

I had a lovely lunch in the van but this time with my feet up!

The afternoon went much more smoothly. Jeez I can be hard work at times and today was one of these days.

My knee has been a million times better today so maybe it’s on the mend.

I went to bed after 5 when I got home as I was so tired. I got the electric blanket on and cooried in…. With 3 (bloody) Border Collies…. Who’s ears pricked up at every sound… but I must have conked out! Mum called and we had a good chat and she told me it was 6.50pm…. 10 minutes to crochet!!!!

I jumped out of bed, shoved clothes on and picked up my phone… only to find it was cancelled. I must have slept through that 😆🤣😘

So, with encouragement from the crochet girls, I’ve decided it’s ok to be self indulgent.

So cheese and biscuits it is… and Downton… yeah maybe some Downton… again.

Hmmm we have no biscuits… so cheese it is 🤣🤣🤣

Stay safe everyone 🧀🧀🧀

Day 772 a surprise pupper 🐶 at work today and lunch with an old friend!

It’s been pouring the last few days…. Saw this on FB yesterday.

🤣🤣🤣

Good old Billy Connolly 🤣

I’ve not been feeling the best these last few days but it’s no worse than just the following…

I’m attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest when he’s on fire… 🤣🤣 that made me laugh out loud! It’s not that bad but you get the picture.

I’ve had stomach cramps for the last two days and I am eating us out of house and home. I am blowing up before my very eyes!

We had Peanut back into work today! Made my day.

I was super busy though and hardly had any time to take photos. That said I am there to work and not take photos… 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

I also had a very old friend pop in for lunch today as she was visiting a shop on the same industrial estate! We had lunch in the van.

We were very windswept as we rushed a photo after lunch and I had a customer just arrive.

I mentioned yesterday about my first boss…. I spent my life trying to please them as they often got angry with me for making mistakes and turned all eyes towards me in company meetings, dropping me in it from a great height.

We had a manual purchasing process where I had to count the parts we had in stock to start. Then had to look at the production plan to see what models we were building, to determine which parts were used in which models to therefore define how many were required…. To take that from the quantity in stock and determine what to order… from Japan… without stopping production. 😳

What chance did we have.

My boss was very quick to lay blame at my door, to pass the buck in meetings and I’m ashamed to say that when I was given the Senior Buyer job, I brought in Gillian and treated her in exactly the same way I had been treated. I made her life a misery as mine had been.

She ultimately left and got a new job and we got back in touch years later when we talked all about this and I apologised for everything.

I went to visit her for lunch a few years back, it must have been before Christmas, as I took a Poinsettia as a gift.

She sends me photos of it all year round as it’s lasted more than any other poinsettia she’s ever bought. I must have had about 6 since then and they’re all long gone.

The one I bought her is on the left!

I will always carry the hurt I caused her. Yet she forgave that.

Was so lovely to catch up even if only for half an hour.

So that’s my day today. It was a very busy one but good. I’m tired and lazy so curled up on the couch watching Downton Abbey…. I still can’t get over the fact that I love a good period drama. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 771 Mental Health Week Awareness 2022 💚

The whole point of my blog was to let people see that you can appear like you have it all, but things might not always be as they appear.

I have always been a very bubbly, happy person. I was always there to help others, to make other people feel happy and feel good about themselves but unbeknown to me at the time, I was chipping away at the old block and making myself very unwell as a result.

The girl who goes into her first “real” job after Uni and makes polite small talk as she knows if she gets her boss chatting and talking about their weekend or evening the night before, then they will be less likely to be snippy during the day. Encourage conversation out of them to get them on side. Ask lots of questions. Let them slowly bring you into their confidence. They are way less likely to shout at you if you are “friends”…. I can’t even begin to explain how much work that was. It wasn’t just with bosses. It was the same story with everyone else. I was working away in the background of my mind ALL the time.

I just wanted people to like me. For them to be pleased with me. Happy with things I had done or the way I had treated them. If I could control how other people around me were feeling, then I could control their influence on me.

Just not to the detriment of yourself

I mean seriously…. Read that back a minute… if I could control how other people around me were feeling?!?!? Why did I even remotely think I could do that and yet I seemed to see it as my life’s purpose.

All the while…. Literally breaking up inside as over the years it got harder and harder to do. Let’s face it, it was an impossible task!

I know that’s this is a lovely photo but inside my heart was breaking. There was nothing wrong with my marriage, nothing wrong with the lovely house I lived in or our lovely dogs….. everything was wrong inside me. I could barely hold it together. I was so very, very sad.

I’d spent so much time trying to keep the world happy that I had nothing left… an empty shell. I started to think that everyone would be better off without me whinging and whining and being sad all the time.

Anyway I am so pleased to say that I am far removed from that now. It’s taken years of baby steps to build my confidence back up, but I am one of the lucky ones. I can say that I am still learning every day and no matter how bad things seem at times, I do need some reflection to remember that nothing is as bad as it was.

I’ve had the chance to unlearn everything that I thought was important and relearn what actually is.

I just want everyone to realise that we have no idea what other people are really thinking. What you see is not always what is.

I was loud, I was chatty, I wanted to be in the centre of everything. I wanted to be seen, be heard.

Now the opposite is true. I am quiet… and I love it. Quiet is my new strong.

Claire sent me this and it makes me laugh a lot…. It’s so very true!!

I’ve had a lot of people reach out to me as a result of The Rambling Sloth. It’s very good to talk and share how we are all feeling…

We all need to learn to live in the present moment and enjoy each moment of life for what it is… even when you get your Camper van stuck in the mud… Especially then! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

Stay safe everyone 💚💚💚

Day 770 wake up in the woods, free Abbie the Campervan and back home to bed!

I actually had the best sleep. I only woke once at 4.21am with such a pain in my knee. I had to get up and take tablets it was so bad.

It ached all day yesterday. It seems to hurt more in bed, must be something to do with the way it bends when I’m lying down.

Anyway, up just before 8am to another lovely breakfast.

I walked down to the side of the River, this was under water yesterday!

Cheeky girls!
Poser!
Love the views under the trees.

The tent’s all gone!

I love this tree… took too many photos of it!

Craig tried to drive Abbie the camper van out of her spot and she was having none of it so I had to phone Willy the campsite owner again. 🤦🏻‍♀️

He had a sick Ewe to deal with and of course we told him we were in no rush. We took the dogs for a walk.

Up and over the bridge.

It’s a beautiful morning!

And all of a sudden Willy is back with his quad bike and he towed Craig straight out! The wheels spun all the way but they got there.

I woo hoo’d when they stopped! Willy said “come on now, you can’t say that wasn’t fun…” 🤦🏻‍♀️

🤣🤣🤣 “ok yeah… that wasn’t fun… at all!!”

Again so lovely of him to help us otherwise I’d be moving in there! Actually that sounds very lovely.

I scattered mud all over the road as I drove home.

Got everything unpacked and the van all cleaned out when we got back.

I’ve spent the WHOLE afternoon writing the blog and updating the photos from the previous few days.

I’m tired now. It’s been a testing weekend… emotionally… but we’ve had a great time other than that.

Highly recommend Catrine House Campsite. It’s truly beautiful and what a service!

It’s good to be home…. She says…. From bed… with an electric blanket on. Check me!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 769 wild camping in deepest, darkest Ayrshire!

I was about to say I didn’t have the best sleep last night….

But given the angle of the van it’s hardly surprising. It’s on an incline to the passenger side and downhill so I spent the night sliding into the near side wall and off the bottom of the bed. I had to climb my way back up the bed several times starting at 3.21am precisely…

So all in all it was actually a great sleep as I never really surfaced until 7.30 and this was the view out my window.

I never even heard them get up! What a view though eh?!

So first of all a few photos from last night.

It’s lovely here. The dogs are loving the freedom.

The sun came out and it was a lovely evening.

The fire was super toasty!

I loved watching the smoke billow up into the trees.

It’s getting dark it’s been a lovely long evening.

So we had bacon 🥓 in soft pitta for breakfast with coffee in the Jet Boil and decided to take the dogs for a big walk on the River Ayr to the Ballochmyle Cup and Ring Marks.

They are fascinating!

Craig took sneaky pics….

This is the 1751 inscription… Craig spotted it!

These next couple even look like they have ink still showing.

This rock is the other side of it, back on the main River Ayr Walk. Sadly graffitied now.

We start off on the woodland walk. This part is not actually alongside the river but much higher. You can look down on it.

We came up to the Ballochmyle Viaduct which was built from 1847-1848. There are 7 arches but the centre arch is the largest masonry railway arch in the UK.

This is the view point and to be honest, you can’t even see the 7 arches, let alone the span of the centre arch!!

This is us walking under one of the smaller ones.

There are beautiful bluebells everywhere.

Just like a carpet!

This photo doesn’t do it justice but it’s a really deep ravine don’t to the river.

Looking uphill there are fallen trees right across it. I did say to Craig we could recreate the Dirty Dancing movie scene on that flat log up there. Imagine falling off that?!?

We walked down into this field and I got a lovely gate photo in the sun.

The walk continues on through the style but we decided to turn around and head back.

We decided to turn up to the left to look for Kinencleugh Castle. We knew where it should be… but never actually got to it. The map didn’t take into account that there was a huge ravine in between our path at the castle. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

This deep!!

It was a lovely walk trying to find it though. Came across these giant badger lairs… or that’s what we assume they were. We had to cross them!

We got back on the River Walk path and headed back to the campsite.

The Catrine Show 2022 was being held in the field just across from us. It was fun to see them setting up and as we walked past we had a good nosy in at the cows, sheep and horses on show.

This lovely beach is just around the corner.

They all went for a paddle.

The bridge is stunning. The dogs have caused these ripples in the water.

Back at camp and the river has gone down a fair bit overnight. The dogs love going down paddling and it feels safer today!

Spot the Collie!

She who watches.

So I have swapped my camping gear and 3 Border Collies for lovely warm house, Downton Abbey on TV and the most gorgeous Gordon Setter, Elsie, for company!

She belongs to my friend Evelyn and they are out tonight so I am Elsie sitting.

I’m having the loveliest time (not even sure if that is English!) We went out for a walk in the park across the road and she got a bit of a fright when she saw this stag painting. I had to talk her through it and tell her it was ok! She was a good girl!

I then met a lovely lady and her dog Charlie and we had a lovely chat while the dogs had a blast!!!

Look at the lovely spread that I have for the evening! I’ve had some AF Gordon’s and tonic, some Ritz crackers and cheese and I am not opening the Maltesers as I will eat them all 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

Elsie was all worn out when we got back 😆🥰

She’s tired but a little bit sad when I leave.

It’s a good drive back to the campsite thought I’m scared to get there in the dark. Fear of getting stuck again. Craig walks

I’m back safe by 10.45pm and in front of the campfire again. It was a loverly interlude!

Off to sleep at a strange angle again!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 768 oh my actual god… what a day 🤦🏻‍♀️ Abbie the Campervan gets stuck for hours 🚐🌳🌲🌳🌲

So the day starts well. To be fair it is pouring with rain but that doesn’t bother me in my van. I woke at 5.23am. Wide awake. I read for a bit then decided to go for an early shower.

I put the heater on to heat the van up for when I get back.

The campsite is lovely. There’s only one shower but it was lovely and warm and great to get in before everyone else gets up.

There are only 4 other vans on the site and no one is moving at 6.30am.

I get back to the van and there’s no heater working. I figure despite following all the “rules” around these heaters… maybe I didn’t actually switch it on so I try again. I make a coffee and sit down to enjoy it…. But it’s cold… the van that is, not the coffee.

I leave it because you shouldn’t be switching these heaters on and off loads….. they get very upset…. till about 15 minutes pass and I try again.

It’s 15C, I’m in my jammies and I’m cold. I have some cereal and decide since I’m still cold, just to pack up and head back home early. I was going to get my nails done today anyway as I couldn’t get another appointment. I have to be there for 10.30 so I went via the house to see if Craig needed anything brought down.

So toenails done and back down to the campsite. This is where it all goes a bit drastically wrong.

Now I may have said yesterday that Craig wanted to go to this site as they have a wild camping area down by the river. Willy who owns the campsite suggested we could have the tent on one half of the pitch with the van on the other. The pitch is right down on the River Ayr and it’s been raining heavily all night.

The river is high!

I reverse back down the small dirt track and I am so damn chuffed with myself… I don’t need Craig going left a bit, right a bit.. I get to where I want to be and reverse a bit further so I can pull up onto the spot I want to stop on.

Figured I’d be easier driving onto it than I would be reversing. How wrong could I be?!

Abbie the T5 heavy weight camper van slips about 10 inches to the left… towards the river and I am stuck. My cockiness comes back to bite me in the ass big time.

I took a photo after we both had a try but she just kept on slipping sideways.

This big dip was the issue

We called Willy (the campsite owner) and he came down to save the day but honestly it took about 3 hours of hours. I was devastated I caused all that. At the time it seems like the most dramatic and terrifying thing in the world. Instead of staying calm, my anxiety had me in shock, half in tears, half shaking. Ridiculous looking back.

He basically dug her out…. With a shovel and bricks and complete patience.

He almost got her driven out completely when she slid sideways again and we were almost back to where we started.

The “leave no trace only footprints…. oh and loads of dug out gouges and tyre tracks” mantra ringing in my ears.

He decided that he was going to have to go use the quad bike to try and tow her out as digging wasn’t working.

Then starts the…. “Find the manual”…. “Where’s the front towing eye” …. All of which heightens my anxiety levels. You all know how well I react under pressure. We finally find it… a learning curve for us all… and thankfully I remember that I actually have the towing eye itself, in a bag in the back of the van.

So he threw some huge rocks on the front of the quad to give it weight and gently towed her out… Craig driving of course. I was far too scared to have that responsibility yet I felt dreadful for “making” Craig have to do it.

He then tried to tow her back into the correct position… by this time I just wanted to go back up to the main campsite. Or home maybe.

I was all over the place… just like the van.

Willy was so lovely all the time he worked on it. A calming influence telling me it would be ok and that he’d thought it might be worse when I called him…. He never complained.

This is where he left her and she’ll stay for the remainder of the weekend.

I’m puppy sitting tomorrow night so I’ll have to take Craig’s car for that… ain’t getting Abbie out now til Sunday.

So how do I feel…… absolutely shattered, exhausted, fearful, sad, you name any bad word and I’ll own it. I can’t take the “this could happen to anyone”…. I need to use it to beat myself up with.

Yet again I’ve proved that despite my love for camping… I struggle to cope with things that don’t go according to plan.

Our camp!

I’ve ruined the day. I’m stressed to the hilt, at the same time trying to soak up the atmosphere and breathe but I’m watching the dogs every move. Jumping at the slightest thing.

In a bid to get some kind of normality, Craig made a lovely dinner…

He had spicy wings and I had curried chicken breast on rocket.

The location is stunning. The river is much higher than it was last night. It’s dramatic and flowing like fizzing Coke due to the peat in the water.

I am trying to keep calm, trying not to worry, trying not to panic, trying not to snap at the slightest thing. This is meant to be fun….

I’m doing a lot of soul searching today. Questioning everything all because one thing happened that could have happened to anyone…. just not to anyone who would have had the common sense to reverse onto the pitch first. Hey you live and learn and today was a huge learning curve. If the road isn’t tarmac’d I ain’t driving it 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣🤣

None of the photos are loading but I’m publishing anyway… maybe they’ll come through. Maybe not. It’s the words that matter.

(It didn’t publish so I’m back home adding to this now!)

We took a wee walk further down the track and found this lovely wee hut that he lets out. It’s at the end of the path and so very private with only the river in front of you.

The puppers are allowed off lead down here and they are in their element.

I am, of course, waiting for any possible thing that could go wrong, to go wrong… another dog to appear, people to pass who don’t like dogs, I invent every scenario I can in my head.

None of that happens and we have a lovely evening. Especially when the dogs go to bed and finally I can switch off the ridiculously high alert status.

I am calm though slightly shaken. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣🤣 and off to sleep at a 45degree angle!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️