Day 1093 all calm on the western front… 😘

Is that even a thing?!? It’s not been that quiet on the western front today but it has been wonderfully calm.

I was shattered after Kinesiology last night, as expected.

We do the call over Zoom and I’m conscious at the start, I’m cuddled into Gran’s crochet blanket, as if protecting myself or hiding from the things that make me feel sad. It’s funny how we can see a physical change in ourselves when we feel low. I look shattered, I look sad and I’m all curled up inside of myself.

As usual, describing Health Kinesiology is one of the most difficult things to do but I cannot tell you how much I love it. I’m intrigued to see what my body will want to work on (yeah I hear that sounding as crazy as it sounds….)

I think I’ve been absorbing a lot of negative energy these last few weeks and my fight or flight response has been triggered a lot. If something doesn’t sit right with me, I literally have an eruption within me that spews anger inside of me. It’s a completely irrational response to something that is not that bad. It might show as a defensive comment, a snide remark, a dig, a joke but inside I’m ready to run. My hands are thrown up in the air, I’m making that face of a huffy teenager who can’t get her way. Most of all I’m incensed by something that really is nothing. The voice in my head is telling my that it’s what I deserve, I’m not worthy…. Blah blah blah.

Kinesiology takes all of that and gives me rational reasons for it all.

So I slept like a log. Completely out for the count until 4.45am. Someone…… who shall remain nameless, may have been awake 😂

So I wrote all of this before I went to work today. I feel like I’ve been inside a washing machine ever since!!!!

I had a quiet morning, got lots done and this afternoon my worst case scenario happened. A rental camper broke down on my watch!!! My first reaction was one of horror….. I’m the only one that can deal with it today. Panic, panic, panic…… nope I can’t do that today, I have to deal with this. I started talking to myself calmly and rationally. I was devastated I had to phone my boss for a phone number and interrupt his day off but I worked my way through it all. I even messaged a friend up north to ask if he knew which garage would pick up the recovery. I then called the garage about an hour before the RAC finally called it through to him!

My fear is that I will do the wrong thing or not do it how it should be done. Today I had confidence in myself that I would do it the way I did it and that that would be ok. Let’s face it. It’s not hard to do and not much that can go wrong. I just usually panic and don’t think rationally.

I’m so chuffed with how I handled that today.

Can you see how hard it is to be in my mind sometimes and I am certain I’m not the only one.

In other news however, I forgot to eat today.

Now don’t all get angry with me and tell me it’s not good for me, but by the time dinner is ready I will have fasted for 24 hours. I am barely in control of my speech and I have the giggles so I definitely couldn’t manage any longer than this. We have talked about trying a 4 day fast but I honestly couldn’t do it, I’d pass out.

It gets quite addictive. I missed lunch as I was on the phone from just before it. I then had customers come in and they took up a bit of time. By the time I went back to my desk I had messaged to respond to and all of a sudden it was 3.45. I didn’t feel like eating my lunch so thought I’d wait until dinner. Craig and I are both so hangry that we couldn’t decide what we wanted so that wasted some more time 😂

Anyway I won’t make a habit of this. It was only because I was getting a lift home.

That could be the biggest load of waffle I’ve ever written 😂

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

2 thoughts on “Day 1093 all calm on the western front… 😘

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