It’s 6.52am and I’ve been researching todays blog for over an hour. Gonna put it out early today so it hits before the bells. 🔔🏴🔔
I feel like I have a different approach to New Year, this year.
We usually wish everyone a Happy New Year with the thought that this next year WILL be better…. It has to be better. THIS will be (y)our year.
This is the first time I have realised that next year will have the same ups and downs as any other year. Bad things may happen, unforeseen things, things we cannot possibly control… and the year will still carry on, counting each day as it does.
Around all of these things that we can’t control, there will be things that we can control to a lesser extent. Our reactions to any of these events, our reactions to each other, the words we choose when we talk about others, the kindness we spread, or not, as the case may be.
This is my 50th Hogmanay and New Year. That’s a sobering thought. So much has past and yet I’m lucky to still be here when so many are not.
Speaking of sobering…. That’s me hit 4years alcohol free. 4 whole years (give or take this couple of days that I will never let go…. 😂)
A total of 1,458 days without the crutch that got me through life. 899 days where not a drop of alcohol has touched my lips. Ok enough with the stats…. I’m so proud of that as I live right next door to the village pub!!
Last night was the first time, in a long time, that I felt a part of the party. I didn’t single myself out for not drinking, I just relaxed and enjoyed it. The bar staff all know to give me 0%, they’ve made it a safe place for me. I didn’t feel awkward, I didn’t make myself believe they’d have had a better time if I left…. But I did still leave early.
The silence back in my house, even with 3 dogs, was deafening. I sat on the couch, cuddled the pups and took a huge deep breath in. I had a great time but I needed some space. I will allow myself that and not feel bad for it.
I digress…. Yes, again…. So, on to the new year…. I’m not going to give myself an endless list of resolutions that I’m not going to achieve. I am going to work of the following:
- I will speak my truth and then I will be calm
- I will put my needs first and then I can support others from a place of strength
- I will have faith in myself and I will even take some time to be goddam proud of myself
- I will show compassion and kindness to others
- I will be grateful for all that I have
- I will capture as many sunrises and sunsets as I can and of course I will got the sea every chance I can get 😆
- Most of all, I will be present in every moment and just breathe.
Check…. Me. 🤦🏻♀️😂
I know there will be days where anxiety gets the better of me, when tears overflow, when people challenge my inner calm….. but that’s life.
This is life, right here and now, this is it and may we all live ours to the best of our ability.
I think I might spend the day cleaning the house. Not as a chore but in a good way…. A clean house for a fresh year.
So I’ll end this by thanking you all again for being on this journey with me. If I’m truly honest with myself, I still write this more for me than anyone else. I have day 1,000 in two days and I have no idea where to start with that one!!! I had no idea what this might becoming when I started writing it in late March of 2020.
None of us had any idea of how much our lives would change in late March of 2020.
Which totally proves my point. We can only choose our reactions to the world around embrace the next 365 days.
We’ve yet to decide whether we’ll stay home so my nails match my jammies, sit outside with a campfire as we have done for the last few Hogmanays or head into the pub.
This is my favourite Hogmanay photo of us in 2014. We went to a street party in Oban, life before dogs, and I had a magical night. Face the West were headlining the stage…. Face the West are an amazing ceilidh band and I was buzzing the whole time they were on stage. They blew me away!! I was right up front, I’d never done that before. Have a look for them on Spotify if you want a wee Scottish ceilidh band blast. We still talk about my reaction that night. 💙
Happy Hogmanay from a wet and windy Scotland 🏴 but we are hoping for snow over the bells. That would be pretty special.
Blog published at 7.51am. I may need a nap later.
Stay safe everyone 🏴💙🏴