Day 953 don’t mention the milk tanker 🐮🥛🚛

It’s 3.59 and I am wide awake….. thanks to the caffeine coffee I stupidly drank yesterday. My heart is providing a big drum beat.

😳

Last day at work today!

We get up at 5am for the Farm and it’s a great workout today. I am buzzing and it feels good.

It was a lovely sunrise.

Half way through the workout I worry that I might meet the milk tanker on the single track roads from the Farm to work. Stop thinking about the milk tanker. Don’t think about the milk tanker. Stop it. Milk tanker. Milk tanker. Milk tanker.

Oh. my. god. we

I did not meet the milk tanker. Relief.

As much as I’ve made this sound like a joke, I was genuinely stressing about what would happen if I met it and I wasn’t in a passing place. Jeez….. the anxiety was bubbling inside of me to the point of panic.

The anxiety carried on this morning as I worried about how much I still had to do. I always want to make sure everything runs smoothly for everyone left behind. I try to preempt every eventuality which I will, of course, never accurately pre-empt.

I wrote a list for everything I had to do and worked through it until it was done. I wrote a handover note and actually there wasn’t that much on it so I relaxed.

Also everyone needs a puppy Peanut in the office. ♥️

I was just finishing up in work when a customer came in looking for a quote. 😬 My plan to escape at 4 was delayed slightly.

So that’s me on holiday now woo hoo!!

It’s the big 5-0 tomorrow 😳 so we’re going to have a guest blogger….. Oor Craigie is going to take the Rambling Sloth helm for the day to allow me to relax and enjoy the day.

I have a nail appointment booked in the morning and then we’re heading to a lovely tapas restaurant in Largs, for lunch. I’m then going out to the Beith Young Farmers Talent Spot show with Holly next door. Her daughter Louise is in the show for the first time! It’s a random 50th birthday night but I have a party on Saturday so I’ll celebrate more then.

So yeah…. Not gonna lie. I’m not remotely ready to turn 50. I still feel like I’m 30. I’m quite overwhelmed by it. With the thought that time is moving on too fast.

Yet I am entering my 50’s a completely different person from the one who entered her 40’s.

No longer living to work, working all the hours god sends and getting through the stress with wine.

No longer putting everyone before myself. No longer assuming that I don’t matter.

I will celebrate my 50th completely sober.

I can’t even believe that.

I’m living life at a much slower pace.

I have to feel every negative emotion without drowning it.

I live in the present moment as much as I can.

I am stunned by all the beauty around us. I never really stopped to look before.

I want to write everything down to understand how I’m feeling. It’s really helped me and I love writing the blog.

I want to take photos of everything and share them with as many people as possible.

I feel very grateful that I got to 50 as so many others do not. There was a time where I couldn’t even imagine what the next day might bring.

So to sum up I guess I’m loving the life we have made for ourselves and I’m just negotiating the wobbles along the way. The ups and downs of everyday life, that are no worse than everyone else’s. I need to remind myself of that more often.

I would like to thank everyone who reads my ramblings. It means so much to me that you would take the time to read what I have to say. I hope that by writing this, my story will help someone else.

Thank you from the bottom on my heart.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

3 thoughts on “Day 953 don’t mention the milk tanker 🐮🥛🚛

  1. Happy Birthday for tomorrow 🥳🎂🛍🎁🎈🎉. My 50th was very boring and sad in lockdown as my Caribbean holiday celebrations were all cancelled due to Covid. Boo hoo. So go for it! You can celebrate in style with no Covid shenanigans hopefully! 50s are great in my humble opinion Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awww I’m sorry to hear that. So many birthdays ruined by covid. I wanted to be in the Maldives but we can’t remotely afford it. Just got 50 presents from the crochet hookers and a Sloth birthday cake! Very lucky so far! Xx

      Liked by 1 person

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