Day 946 a very noisy head today 🤯

I’m not sure where to start with this.

It’s been a tough day inside of my head and it’s day when I think that I shouldn’t really put out a blog. That no-one needs to hear it. Yet there are some snippets that I think are worth sharing.

I woke about 4am and really struggled with the Farm this morning. I just wanted to cancel but I didn’t.

During the workout, my whole body screamed like a child having a tantrum…. I didn’t want to do any of it. Maybe 3/4 of the way through something clicked and I gave in and actually enjoyed it.

I had a few tears in the shower at the gym. Just feeling sad. It’s hard having to drag yourself to do things when your mood is low.

I actually had a good day at work. I was pretty focussed without too much brain fog which was good. I have left a note to remind myself to read the list in my diary tomorrow… otherwise it will never get done.

I have just felt really off all day, uncomfortable in my own skin. Like I’m searching for ways to justify being miserable.

I don’t know where to put myself. It’s nothing that a glass of wine wouldn’t fix but I don’t do that anymore. It’s nothing that a huge bar of chocolate wouldn’t fix but I don’t want to do that either. It’s nothing that spending some money of new stuff wouldn’t fix but I can’t do that either.

I just have to sit with the yuckiness of it all. And wallow in it.

I take bouts of yawning that feel like huge energy changes within me. I sigh a lot. I harumph. (There’s a made up word that seems to be spelled correctly?!?)

I realise half way through the day I’m not wearing an HRT oestrogen patch. God only knows where that is?!?

The guy who’s looking at Abbie the camper van phones to say the van should be ready but the wobble is still there and he can’t put his finger on it. I’ve got the money ready for it but he might drop her in tomorrow.

Then I come home for find my road tax is in and we need to put money in the crochet kitty tonight and I’ve nothing left. I manage to beat myself up for all of that.

I am constantly looking for something to berate myself with and at times like this I can’t seem to stop it.

So anyway, I was going to call in sick to crochet but I didn’t. I thought I couldn’t face it without tears but I did. I went and we had a good catch up and chat. We also had birthday cake for Anne’s birthday which was an added bonus. 🎂 happy birthday Anne!! 🎂🥳🎉😘

So that’s all from me now. I’ll try and pull myself together for tomorrow. 😂

WordPress isn’t loading photos again tonight so I’ve given up. It’s just a wordy one instead.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

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