As usual on a day off, the voices in my head were screaming at me to change the world in one day.
I’ve had a really busy week and I’m tired. I woke with a headache and a million thoughts all rolled into one tiny wee head.
I can’t believe I’ve been writing this for 900 days and that’s with some days off in between…. Time flies when you’re pouring your heart out in words. I must have analysed and over analysed my every waking and non-waking move since then. Trying to understand what makes me tick.
Some days I think I’ve got it made.
Other days a different version of me gets out of bed.
Remember when we were kids and people would say we were over-tired? Maybe that is a thing…. This mornings anxiety wasn’t a discomfort, wasn’t manifesting itself in a physical pain…. It was the wittering budgie in my head going round in circles questioning my decisions, my life choices, the meaning of life.
I wrote a list of things I wanted to achieve today and Craig took some of them. That helped. (I should say here, there was nothing of any great substance but you probably know that by now…I just wanted to get it all done!)
While I was out cleaning Abbie the camper van, Claire pulled up in her car and I literally word vomited all the thoughts out at once!! I could hear myself… 😬😳🤯 She laughed and it made me laugh. I felt a bit calmer after that.
Considering all that rambling mind this morning I’ve actually had a really productive day.
I spent some time working on the village Memorial Hall accounts, getting ready for the AGM on Monday night. The sun is shining today so I sat at my desk upstairs and opened the window wide so that I was in the sun while being productive.
Craig pressure washed the grass again so the garden looks lovely and fresh. The sun went behind the cloud for this photo!
I popped into Claire’s for tea and cake in the garden… check me having tea and I really enjoyed it! We had a really great chat and caught up on each others’ week….and the cake was lovely!
I sat outside in the sun for a while. This could be the last of the warmth and it’s lovely. Our beautiful ivy is starting to turn red.
I’m listening to an audio book by Alex Mill called A Shift to Love. I love this quote.
“The secret to staying grounded is simple. Don’t indulge the thinking, don’t noodle the juicy story, don’t leave the ground”.
“Nothing is more important than presence, your heart does not resist your body coming to silence. Only the voices of resistance want you to leave the peace, that is who you authentically are, to visit the minds crazy funhouse of distorted mirrors and shifting floors”.
“So you can frantically search for peace, the peace you had before you left. The peace that is you. Stay at centre and allow peace to come to you. Never leave centre to indulge a problem, a concern or a worry. Centre is where your power is”.
“Chasing after the world brings chaos, allowing it all to come to me brings peace”
The minds crazy funhouse of distorted mirrors and shifting floors……. 🤦🏻♀️😂 that sums up my mind straight away!
I’m so grateful that I managed to turn the day around and find my peace.
It has crossed my mind recently that I’ve had a few down days but I’m doing all of this without the medication I was on for about 20 odd years and actually, that is pretty special.
Check me being proud of myself….
Hope you all have a lovely Saturday night.
Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️