Thankfully some respite from the noise in my head today. Nothing has fundamentally changed but my head has stopped screaming at me that the end of the world is nigh. Honest to god, what a drama….
I’m not sure I can explain how bad it feels when I’m in it. It’s honestly like there is no hope…..There’s no way out. it’s very loud, very uncomfortable, actually quite painful and overwhelming.
Like it’s the end of the world and and there’s no middle ground.
I just have to sit in it and feel it all. I can’t drown it in drink like I used to….. though I did smother it in chocolate yesterday. 🤭
And sure enough it doesn’t go away until I learn the lesson from it.
It is easier in my head to forget everything and run. I need to resolve to reject harmful energies and draw a deep line in the sand between me and what no longer serves me. I need to work at breaking all the old habits and patterns that don’t do me any good.
And that takes time.
Today is the first day in 9 days that I’ve not been in tears at some point during the day… usually at the most inopportune time. I tried to hide it from everyone. I didn’t do a great job of that.
I tried breathing exercises…. Breathe in for 3, hold for 4 and out for 5 but I couldn’t do it. I could only manage to breathe in for one, hold for one and out for almost 2 at a push. It’s been like that for days. (I should say even that is still better than nothing but at Kinesiology on Thursday she asked me to breathe out for 7!! That was just not happening!)
So, thankfully and unsurprisingly, it would appear it’s not the end of the world just yet 🥴
I do find that these “mountains” that are out in my way seem harder to climb, they seem so much bigger than anything in the past and yet I always get over them and look back and wonder what all the fuss was about.
My friend Ruth always says We have survived 100% of days so far and will continue to do so. Wise words!
So today has been filled with dog walks. First, the usual one!
Uh oh what’s wrong with this next picture?!?! A retriever?!?
I walked handsome Mucky pup for our neighbours! He’s a big boy but a “walk in the park” after walking 3 at once.
We had a wee play in the garden.
I’ve spent the rest of the day relaxing… I know, I’ve done a lot of that these last few days but it’s such a relief just to have silence and to be able to breathe.
Sat outside and threw balls for the pups!
We have the day off in the UK for the Queen’s funeral tomorrow so no need to rush to bed early tonight… oh that’s unless we do the 6am Fit Body Farm of course.
I’ve eaten shockingly this last week. My nighttime weight loss meditations have gone out the window. Normal service must be resumed again soon!
The fire and candles are lit. I was going to go to the sea for sunset tonight but I’m too tired.
Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️