I must start by saying I did not have a meeting in the village hall last night…. Everyone who is more grown up than me and actually keeps a diary, knew it was Monday 5th September. She who just can’t seem to do that really needs to take a leaf out of their book. 🤦🏻♀️😂
I knew the minute I issued the blog…. But hey…
So I use Google Calendar for reminders but it was so cluttered with info that I couldn’t see what was actually in it! I can see Craig’s work calendar and I also had my work logged in it… like I didn’t know I was meant to be there 4 days a week from 8-4 🤦🏻♀️😂
I’ve cleared it all out and just left the things I need to see.
So who knows if it will make a difference but I already know I’ve two things after work next week…. I mean check me, that’s progress 😆
So back to my day…. I should start by saying I’ve been a bit bored by the mundane recently. I must say that this is in no way a slight on anyone or anything in my life but I don’t drink so there’s no “ahhhhh that’s better moments” and I’m not stuffing my face full of sweets anymore so I don’t get any excitement from that… I’ve just been a bit meh with the day to day.
I wasn’t looking forward to my day today and so did a meditation before work and I tried really hard to focus on the positives and things to be grateful for and found myself with a spring in my step.
I found lots of great positive things on FB today too. I feel like I’m manifesting lots of good thoughts if that’s possible?
This time 4 years ago my world was unravelling.
I was pretty much in tears all day at work back then. My careful spinning of a million plates was coming to an end. My incessant people pleasing was finally taking its toll. In a few weeks time I would head into work on that Monday morning, 3rd September 2018 and start to cry and never be able to stop. I would drive home around midday unable to see the road in front of me and that was the start of my sick leave.
When I think back to that time I remember just how afraid I was… of absolutely everything.
I was living my life on the edge, I was exhausted, I felt like I was failing everyone around me…. Oooh that brought the tears….
It’s painful but important for me to see how far I have come. I felt I was letting everyone down, I could no longer be everything to everyone. I couldn’t keep anyone happy anymore and it felt like my whole life was falling apart before my eyes.
I was slowly slipping into the most terrifying phase of my life so far.
And look at me now (never start a sentence with “and”…. let alone a paragraph!!) I might be at the other extreme where I put myself before everything else. There may need to be some happy medium. 😆
I have learned how important it is for me to relax, to take time out and to make decisions that protect my mental health. I have to stay away from drama at all costs!!
So yeah, it’s been a lovely day. Chatted to lots of lovely customers at work, enjoyed the other work that I did and feel really grateful for such a good day.
This is a perfect example of my manifesting things today…. I was listening to an old “Julie” mix on Spotify and every song really hit me in the gut. The swell of emotion with each turn, the memories stirred, my life flashed before my eyes in that one playlist…. And then I see this!
I have always envied people who could listen to music all the time…. I can’t always take the emotions that music stirs up for me.
So who knows what’s next in my journey…. Jeez, I’m very philosophical tonight.
Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️