I had a great sleep again last night woken up at 5.30 by the village jogger who ran past the bedroom window 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤣 of course I couldn’t get back to sleep as I dramatised everything that might go wrong in the day….
I can’t believe how much these roadworks in our village have incensed me. I can’t seem to let it go. It’s not the roadworks but the human reaction to them. I spend most of my life hidden away in a wee Julie bubble, I don’t watch the news and I try to stay away from drama as much as possible.
This week we have seen people moving cones, driving through and now even driving around the cement bags that have been placed in the middle of the road up on the pavement or on the grass verge at the other side.
Who actually are these people? How have you been brought up to think that you have the right to do that? Why have I been brought up to be so incredulous at it. Why do I care so much?
I’m a people pleaser, I don’t break any rules… ever…. For fear of upsetting someone else. These folk don’t give a flying f about that. Somewhere in the middle I guess there is a common ground.
So I sets off to work this morning on the single track back roads. Noticing how the grass verges are becoming wrecked with the amount of traffic on the diversion. All the while my anxious brain is working overtime thinking I hope I’m not one of those people that gouges out a grass verge as I might get stuck. Always on the lookout, always catastrophising….. so I basically manifest exactly that a half mile down the road.
I have 3 cars behind me… already creating a level of overthinking in me, I’m I driving too slow blah blah blah…. I see a small white van bombing towards us.
If he knows the road, he has just passed the place where he should have stopped as he knows we don’t have any passing place where we are. He can also see I’m in a VW T5 so not the smallest of cars.
He flashes and pull in onto the grass in the only bit he can giving be centimetres to pass him. The tarmac is curved at my side as if the road is built up on top of the ground so I have a good rut to fall into if I get it wrong.
Now I should say here’s that I ALWAYS thank passing motorists for letting me go. Not so today, it seems….. I was worried that I could fit past him, panicking I didn’t fall off the road… next thing I know we are side by side and I catch his waving arms out the corner of my eye.
Sh*t what have I done or what am I about to do wrong…… I put the window down….
“Aye yer F****** welcome“ he shouts… what wait a minute…. I’m incredulous. I keep using that word today. I say “sorry I was trying not to let my van fall down the big hole at this side of the road…. Sorry” by this time his window is already up and more crazy gesticulating as he implies that I should hurry the f up and he’s in a hurry…. Pointing at his watch and waving me on….
I drive off thinking how dreadful I am for not thanking him for stopping.
Welcome to my world.
I then burst into tears as the adrenaline released.
I talk to myself as if there’s a voice at the back of my mind trying to speak up…. Wait a minute… you always wave, you always thank people, why didn’t you do that this time… and then the realisation that he was in the wrong all the way and I was actually annoyed at his careless driving as I passed him.
Did any of that come out of me. Did I wind down the window was I passed and say how inconsiderate he was for not reading the road…. No.
I just let some angry man have a go at me. Maybe he should have left the house earlier so he want in so much of a hurry.
As I get to work I’m shattered. It takes so much energy for me to negotiate the world some days that I think this morning that I just want to find a remote island for us to go and live on where we don’t see anyone else.
I need my life without drama. Drama is so draining.
I also had another “run in” with my nippy wee supplier lady but I put her straight after writing an email to her at least 4 times!
So a busy day and have come up to Auntie Jac’s for a wee impromtu visit and to stay the night.
We went for a drive to the Firth of Forth and sat on a log by the shoreline.
The tide went out soooo fast! They are mudflats so not the prettiest but it was stunning when the tide was in.
Just remembered my photos of the moon last night… it was a stunning night when I was out with the dogs before bed.
Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️