I am so weary….. That feels like the perfect word to describe todays mood.
So very, very tired of this. So very tired yet not enough to sleep. Too tired to read. I sit scrolling endlessly through FB seeing what other people are up to. Watching their lives go on as I sit and wallow.
We did sleep well last night though. I kept my 5am alarm set so I could assess progress before deciding what to do about work. We’d already cancelled the Farm last night as that was kinda obvious.
It was also fairly obvious that I’m still not well enough for work. We are on solids now… check us…. But life is still not rosy in the garden.
I still have bad stomach cramps after food, my stomach feels bloated and dare I say… constipated…. I mean come on….. and Mother Nature felt it timely to whap me with full on time of the month and those stomach cramps for the first time in so many months I can’t quite remember. The joys….. my cramps are fighting each other.
I have been close to tears at times this morning. It took me half an hour to compose two messages to work. Half an hour to say I’m too sick to come in. My head tells me I’m letting everyone down, I should be better by now, stop wallowing in the illness, get over it, get on with it, you’ll feel better if you force yourself. Yet I know my legs shake from the bed to the bathroom let alone any further.
The dog walk was tough today. I felt really dizzy and off balance. I had to turn back much earlier than I planned to do.
I reread all that and I realise I need to make peace with what is and forgive myself for needing this recovery time.
I made some Oat Milk porridge this morning…. Now that was a labour of love but is just what we need.
It’s a beautiful day today. No sign of the overnight Storm Corrie as far as I can see.
The sun felt so lovely on my face. My eyes squinting in the bright light.
Today I choose to stay in bed but I’m still trying to be grateful for this day rather than wishing it to be over.
I’m reading a lot just how that tells me to live for the moment, seize the day, make the most of the time that we have and a part of me worries that I’m not doing this enough.
My overthinking mind tells me I’m seeing all of this for a reason. I’m heading into my 50th year…. I’m thinking a lot about the life we have left. How dramatic do I sound?!
In other good news 😬 we finally tested and confirmed covid free today. All this time spent avoiding catching COVID-19 and we end up with Norovirus. Go figure huh?
And I called the blog Barbara…. 🤦🏻♀️🙋🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤣we had a good chuckle at that.
Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️