It’s 6.17am and I’ve been wide awake since 5am…. Thought I’d put this dead time to good use.
This waking up early malarkey bugs me. I have two mornings a week I get to sleep until 6.30am….. and I’ve not managed it for weeks.
Do you ever hear the voice inside your head that chatters away when you most want to rest. Mine never shuts up in the morning. Since 5am she’s told me that I can’t control my dogs out on a dog walk, my dogs don’t respect me, I must be running out of money about now, scared to check the bank account, how will I afford Christmas, well I can’t to the village Christmas Eve dog walk as I can’t control my dogs in a big group, who would I take, who would I leave behind, then I’ll have to walk the others, how will they be on Christmas Day at our folks house, I’ve no Christmas presents for anyone yet, why have I left it so late, what am I going to get, when am I going to buy them, how will I afford them, I should really check the bank to put my mind at ease but that might worry me more. (I’ve read that back and I cringe…. None of those things are an issue 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤣but I want to sun up how crazy the thoughts can be at times).
All through that I’ve been trying to breathe deeply, shut down the inner voice and just be in the moment.
We are by far our own worst enemies!! You would never talk to anyone else like that. Ever.
It feels like a pain in my lower stomach, a bubbling of anxiety.
I’ve checked my positive feed on FB. That helps.
Now that I’m up and moving I can shut her up a bit. Jeez…..
The forecast is pretty dreich for today.
I step into the shower…. There’s a tennis ball.
Took me all my time to get a photo without the reflection in the shower box 😆 and in my house we also have this to deal with….
It was a very dark drive to work! I know that sounds ridiculous, but a real misty and murky dark.
In work I’m flitting backwards and forwards between jobs like a budgie. A wave of anxiety washing over me when I think of something while I’m doing something else. Drop the first thing, pick up the new thing, half do it then back to the first thing.
I have a list…. I keep jumping about the list, adding things, never removing. Constantly adding as my brain fires off things that need doing.
We have customers come and go and I add to the list. I’m still chirping away inside my head and it’s 2pm before I get a minute to stop for lunch.
And relax… and write this. It helps. I feel a bit calmer already. Don’t get me wrong, I’m ok today and getting things done just self criticising my every move and every decision. I’m not about to burst into tears!
And more importantly, I achieved a lot today, despite all of that. Go figure eh but no wonder I get tired!
I have literally just had a conversation with someone who said the tone of my blog is so different now than from a few months back….. 😬😬😬grins as written this already and not deleting now…. 😬😬😬
So I thought a nice way to finish today would be some of my favourite photos of Scotland seeing as it’s St Andrew’s Day.
I really enjoyed looking through all my photos and there’s another 47,000 or so to go so we’ll never run out… 🤷🏻♀️🤣
Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️