Day 430 a wee wobble day 😪

I didn’t have the best sleep last nights I felt like everything was amplified in my head and even cars driving past the house sounded like they were in the bedroom.

Now don’t get me wrong I was still asleep most of the night so I’m not complaining. I just felt a bit more alert, or switched on than I should have been.

The dogs were making strange noises when they first went upstairs. They have a wee mini door into the loft that may have been banging in the wind. Bhruic was moaning and quietly woo woo woo-ing which is her trying not to bark but grumbling at something.

I went up to them twice as they are in the room above us in the eaves. The second time I just brought them downstairs, let them outside and then left them in the living room. Never heard a peep the rest of the night. Job done ✅

Don’t know what that was all about but Craig was out for the count and never heard any of it. I was wired to the moon 🤦🏻‍♀️😬😆

Was super tired getting up this morning. Really drugged feeling and sleepy but was fine after my shower.

The drive to work was a bit more noisy than usual as the springs are “boinging” a bit….. who knew that was a word. There’s a noise like flint scraping about to ignite 😆😬

I’d made a smoothie before I left. Sat down at my desk to drink it. Sooooo there was kale, banana, coconut milk and blueberries. The kale was left over from last nights dinner….

The kale has been cooked on a baking tray with olive oil and salt….. take my advice and NEVER PUT THAT IN A SMOOTHIE!!!!!! ❌

Oh my actual god it was actually disgusting….. truly minging!

I then read an email. Now I’m not gonna write about my day to day work stuff but you know I love my job. Nothing prepared me for the reaction that came this morning.

I read an email and my anxiety hit the roof. The worst it’s been in a long time. Proper anxiety attack and it was only because I didn’t think I knew the answer.

That simple.

So I start talking to myself…. bringing myself back down to earth. Reply to the email and job done. ✅

Then meet a colleague and started to explain my reaction.

And yeah… this is hard for me to write but the tears just streamed down my face. I have no idea where they came from, I had no indication of this being a bad day, the email wasn’t that bad, my reaction was totally overboard.

Something today or this week has triggered me for some reason and I can’t put my finger on it at all.

All I can say is that everyone at work was super lovely and supportive.

I am embarrassed. I just never wanted to be that person again. The one who cries. Again.

So I’m pretty disappointed in myself and the tears have been brewing all day.

I know I can justify everything. New job, new product to learn, new processes.

New gym and fitness regime. New cooking Hello Fresh that takes bloody hours 😆

It’s the tears that upset me. After all this time I still can’t control them.

I was gonna speak to the doctor about reducing my meds and it’s almost like my body wags it’s finger at me and says yeah not right now me darling, don’t think you’re ready for that yet.

Hey ho.

That reminds me I actually ended last nights blog with watch me rise. There’s just a slight delay on that while I fumble about at this level obviously.

So I was lucky I had the Tapping group this afternoon where we discussed breathlessness. I always have shallow breathing when I’m anxious. By the end of the hour I’m really relaxed and breathe my more deeply. Of course I know that a nap is coming.

I did a Suzanne Robichaud meditation for deep healing. That was at 3.45pm and I woke up at 6.09pm. 😆 The phone was ringing quietly in my headphones.

It took me ages to wake up but the upshot was I got a hot and sour soup as Claire was getting a takeaway!! What a win! Took me bloody ages to figure out what Claire was talking about as I’d been in such a deep sleep!!

So tomorrow is a new day. I need to pick myself back up and forgive myself for the tears.

As I write that I just need to do it. Sometime. Soon.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

4 thoughts on “Day 430 a wee wobble day 😪

  1. I think there must be something in the air. I didn’t have a great night. A stressy dog coupled with my being excited about our plan to have a day out today, I think. But woke to discover our other dog was a bit sicky, so the day out plan was abandoned. I just went into total teary mode. Irrationally so. I would never leave her at home poorly. But my brain couldn’t separate it. It’s like one half of me was telling the other off for being so selfish.

    Part of the plan involved delivering two cars to adjacent garages for service/MOT and then taking the courtesy car onwards to the coast for a few hours. But they somehow managed not to have one of the cars booked. My reaction was not pretty. Despite I knew we had to go home anyway, it was a culmination of a day that did not start well, I think. Like the game of buckaroo. That was the last straw.

    I also know I am feeling lower as we emerge, than I did when this first started. Partly because I now feel the hope I had back then. the belief that we would be back to normal by 2021, is a long way from being fulfilled. If that makes sense. So the little wins, even in the form of a trip to Inverness and then to Ullapool for a couple of hours, have become bigger than I ever imagined.

    I tell myself it is okay to let the emotion out. We might feel rubbish, but it’s not weak. But I also (think) I understand that feeling too. I hope you have a better day tomorrow x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh wow Marie, that’s so true and you are now the third person who had random tears yesterday. My friend Tracey in Canada says it’s something to do with the moon….. 🤷🏻‍♀️ we are coming up to Nairn today. A drive for you to Ullapool would have been lovely bit just not in the headspace you were in. You have to just forgive yourself for that bit. And obviously cuddle poorly dog. Ullapool will be there another day when you are ready. It’s hard work this isn’t it. I think normal is coming but it’s a new normal for us. We have to learn to accept that. I just wish I could show emotion without tears. But I can’t and one day I might finally accept that! So here’s to a good day for us today! Big hugs xx

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